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Military Life

A Letter To A New Military Spouse, Starting Their Military Life Journey

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A Letter To A New Military Spouse Just Starting Their Military Life Journey

A Letter To A New Military Spouse, Starting Their Military Life Journey…

I know things feel a bit scary right now. Your loving spouse has just joined the Military. You might not even know how to feel right now. You are likely experiencing a range of emotions. Both happy and sad ones.

You are not sure what is going to happen or what the next few years will be like. You agreed that you would take it one enlistment at a time. Only three years and then if you both want to walk away you can, only, you wonder if you really will.

You wonder if the Military will be your life from now on.

That your spouse will like the military life too much, that you will like it too much or that you will absolutely hate military life and that they will want to stay.

The truth is, it is nearly impossible to know what your experience is going to be like. The Military is different for everyone. Based on where you are stationed, the unit they are in, if they deploy or not, how many times they deploy and how often, the friends you meet and everything that happens between now and when it is time to make that reenlistment decision.

My advice would be to take it one year at a time.

Don’t let a bad situation cause you to change your life. Don’t let a good one lead you into thinking that everything will always be easy. Know that when the time comes to decide, you two will know in your hearts what the next step will be.

You worry about those deployments everyone is talking about. And if you can get through them when it doesn’t even seem like you can get used to them being away during basic training.

Your deployments will be some of the hardest months of your life.

You will miss your spouse like crazy, and you will wonder why you decided that joining the Military was a good idea in the first place. You will cry yourself to sleep some nights and pat yourself on the back during others.

You will have good days and bad ones. You just have to keep on keeping on. You will find your own battle buddies that will help you on the days you just don’t think you can do Military life anymore. In return, you can be there for them during their difficult days.

You will make friends but they or you will have to eventually move and you will have to say goodbye to each other. Always having to make new friends will be difficult but it also makes life a little more interesting.

You never know who you will meet next, where they will be from or what kind of story they will have.

With Facebook, it is a lot easier to keep in touch with others after you no longer live in the same place. This part of Military life is hard but it is something you can get more used to, even if you still don’t want to have to say goodbye to people all of the time.

Military spouse, you are a part of something amazing. A family of other spouses whose heart belongs to someone who serves in the Military. You are a part of history. You will be remembered for what you are about to do, for the sacrifices you will give to your country, and for the strong faith you will show in the midst of difficult situations.

A Letter To A New Military Spouse Just Starting Their Military Life Journey

The best part of being a Military spouse is that you are not alone.

There are a lot of us out there to help guide you through everything you might experience. There really is nothing new under the Military sun. As you move forward down your Military life path, remember why you and your spouse made the decision for him to join. Remember to take it one day at a time if you need to.

You will be okay. You will grow stronger through it all and you will make the best friends you could ever meet through your time as a Military Spouse.

Are you a new Military Spouse? What do you think about this new chapter in your life?

Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

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Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

Initially written in 2018!

I always wonder what is next. Will he deploy? Will he stay home? Will he be home more than he is away? As I ponder what this year will bring, I am reminded of what it means to be married to someone serving in the military.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, my husband can be away from us, whether it is for days, weeks, months, or even years. And when he is gone, I stay home and make the best of the situation, knowing he is serving his country in the way he knows how.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have found friendship with others who have gone through the same thing. We have spent the holidays together and have become like family to one another. We have each other’s backs and know we can depend on one another when we need that extra support.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, what happens on the news affects me in very personal ways. If they say they are sending more troops over there, I worry my husband might be one of them. And then I remind myself that this is what Army service is all about.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I try to be strong even if I don’t always feel that way. Sometimes I merely survive during a deployment instead of thrive, even if that is my goal. I have to take one day at a time, one hour at a time in some cases.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have moved several times. Starting over in a new place, a new state, a new country. I have learned how to adapt, how to be apart, and how to handle homesickness.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have learned how to be more patient, how to get through the impossible, how to make the best of a difficult situation. I have learned how to handle what this life brings me, even if somedays that doesn’t seem very possible.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I know I am a part of something amazing. I am a part of something historical. I have those who have come before me, in wars past, from who I can learn. I have those who I walk beside today, going through what I am also dealing with.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, figuring out what I want to do has been more of a challenge. His career comes first. If he is gone all summer, how will I adjust? If he is gone for a year, how will I make my dreams come true? If I am the only parent for months at a time, how will I have time to work on myself?

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have learned so much in the years since my husband has joined. I have learned about myself, my marriage, and the world in general. I have gained more than I have lost.

I wonder what the next 12 months will look like. Will this year be one of the harder ones, or will we have a bit of a break? Who knows. I just know that I am doing all of this with my husband by my side, with my friends who understand, and with an attitude that I can get through anything this crazy life throws at me.

Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

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6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

I suffer from anxiety. Having a spouse in the military can add to the struggle. Over the years, I have learned what works and how to deal with my anxiety. Sometimes that means changing little things in my life, other times that has meant going to see a counselor.

I know I am not alone in my anxiety. Other military spouses struggle with it too. Some spouses struggle with depression as well. No matter who you are or what you do, struggling with anxiety and depression can be a lifelong battle.

Mental health is a serious issue in the US and our military. It has touched our family personally as well as many other families I know. We shouldn’t be sweeping it under the rug, and we shouldn’t be embarrassed to reach out and seek help if we need it.

The good thing is that there are resources for military spouses who struggle with anxiety and depression. We don’t have to go through this alone. There is help out there.

Here is a list of six resources to help with your anxiety or depression:

TRICARE

One of the best things you can do if you are struggling with anxiety or depression is to talk about what is going on with your doctor. They can then talk with you about your options. For some, that does mean medications, and that choice should be one you make with your doctor. For others, it could mean going to therapy.

Military Family Life Counselor

The Military Family Life Counselor or MFLC program is where you can find a licensed clinical provider who assists service members and their families with a wide range of issues. They offer this non-medical and confidential help if you need it, but they should not replace going to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist.

Military One Source

The Military Family and Life Counseling Program offers non-medical and short-term counseling to the military and their families. This can be a good choice if you are dealing with deployment adjustments, stress management, grieving the loss of a loved one, or more. They do not deal with cases of abuse, suicidal thoughts, or mental health issues that may require long-term care or medication.

Military One Source also has articles on mental health and other issues affecting military families.

Give An Hour

This organization has a mission to help others by connecting them with a network of volunteers that can respond to their needs. Since 2005, they have focused on providing free mental health care to the military (including the National Guard and the Reserves), veterans, and their families.

This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for those in distress or in crisis. Please use this if you or a loved one is in trouble. They also have information on suicide and mental health as well as stories of recovery and hope.

 

If you are struggling, know you don’t have to struggle alone. There are resources out there for you, to help you get what you need to be in a better place.

Do you know of any resources for military spouses with anxiety and depression that should be added to this list? 

4 Great Ideas To Rock Your Next Deployment

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It was Thanksgiving Day. Almost exactly 365 days after my husband had returned from his first deployment. We were not sitting down for a turkey dinner. We were dropping him off for his 2nd deployment.

We had celebrated Thanksgiving the week before. In my head, it was no longer Thanksgiving but D-day, Day 1, the day we dropped my husband off and started our months of separation.

4 Great Ideas To Rock Your Next Deployment

This time, we said our goodbyes rather quickly. We didn’t wait around until the bus left. We hugged and kissed, and I put my boys in the car and we drove home.

I can still remember turning around to my almost-two-year-old and four-year-old and telling them that we “got this.” That we were going to rock this deployment. They were so young, they probably didn’t know what I was talking about but I looked at them as my team. My guys. We were going to get through this together.

This deployment was going to be a year. He left in November, and he came home November 1st of the following year. During that time, we got through a German winter, a beautiful spring, a summer in California, and then a fall waiting for his return.

Looking back, I think this was the one deployment I really rocked. I was able to find ways to make the best of the situation. Although so much about that deployment was very difficult, I was able to figure out ways to speed things up and allow myself to have fun with my boys even though my husband was gone.

As I think about the two deployments that came after that one, I can see what was so different about them and why in some ways they were so much harder even though they were shorter.

How I wasn’t able to rock those deployments as much as I was able to do so with our 2nd one. I would never say I have a favorite deployment. I will say this 2nd deployment was the one I can look back on with better memories and a better understanding of how to get through something difficult.

Here are 4 ideas to help you rock YOUR next deployment

1. Find a Battle Buddy- I went through this 2nd deployment with a friend. We lived about 2 blocks away and our husbands were in the same area. This helped so much. A good friend is a good friend and always helpful but having someone who is going through the deployment too can make a big difference. There is just something about going through something like a deployment together that makes that other person feel like family and you can really depend on each other. Your spouse has battle buddies and you need them too. If either one of us was having a bad deployment day we could make plans to meet up and get through the day with each other. 

2. Plan a Trip- Going on a trip of some kind can really help you during a deployment. We went on three trips during our 2nd deployment. The first was a trip to one of my favorite places, Garmisch in Germany. The 2nd was to visit my friend in Austria for the week. The third and biggest trip was flying Space-A to California and staying there for about three months. We had my husband meet us in California for R&R which was amazing. Going on these trips took a lot of work but they were worth doing. They broke up the deployment and allowed us to have some fun even though my husband was deployed. They allowed us to get out of our rut and enjoy life during that year apart.

3. Focus on projects- Because we were planning a Space-A trip, we needed to plan for it. Flying Space-A takes a lot of research. So, my friend and I would have the kids play together and we would sit and figure out our Space-A plans. This took up a lot of time and gave us something to focus on. It allowed us to work on something we had control over. Projects can look different. Some people want to re-arrange their house, others want to go to school or even work on their career. Think about what you can focus on while your spouse is away. Take that time he will be gone and put those days to good use. You will be glad you did once he gets home and you have accomplished something during that time away.

4.Grow Grow Grow- Take the deployment as a time to grow. To work on yourself. To find yourself again. Deployment gives you space to do this. A time to really get to know who you are without the distractions of another adult in the home. Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather have my husband home then deployed but it is nice to be able to take that time you have to yourself and figure out how to make it work for you. My husband will go to AT with the National Guard later this year and I plan to spend that time away to work on myself and grow as a person.

What are your ideas to help rock your next deployment? What has worked for you?

Want a Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

How You Can Help A Struggling Military Spouse

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How You Can Help A Struggling Military Spouse

How You can help a struggling military spouse

You are finally feeling good about military life. Nothing too complicated, just a few trainings and your husband will be home for a while. You feel put together, have a good friend base at your duty station, and life seems pretty stable. But you have noticed something going on in your community. Not all of the spouses around you are doing okay. Some of them are struggling.

So, how do you help? What can you do to help a struggling military Spouse?

Or maybe you are not a military spouse. Perhaps you have friends who are, and you see them hurting? Maybe you would like to help them, but you don’t know the best way to do that because you have never been through a deployment or PCS yourself.

Here is what you can do to help a struggling military spouse:

Listen

Listening to a struggling military spouse is one of the best things that you can do. They might just need someone to listen. They might need to just get everything out.

Being able to vent about your situation in a safe place can be very therapeutic. I know on those days when I just couldn’t see the forest through the trees of the deployment, talking it out with a good friend was very helpful. If you have a friend who is struggling, let them know you are there to listen, even if you don’t fully understand what they are going through.

Offer

If there is anything you can offer to this spouse, please do. Offer babysitting, a meal, or even just an offer to be there when they need it. Send a care package if they live far away.

Send a note just to say you are thinking about them. These little things can really help a struggling military spouse who is not having the best of days.

Don’t Dismiss

The worst thing you could do is comment on how their situation could be worse or how they need to just get over it. Everyone handles deployments in their own way. Depending on the situation, some spouses might be going through something you simply will never have to deal with.

That doesn’t mean they don’t have a right to feel the way they do about what is going on. During a deployment, you want to be surrounded by people who are going to support you, and if you dismiss your friend’s feelings, they might push you away.

Give them space

Some spouses deal with a deployment by spending time by themselves. They might need some space to accept that the deployment has started. Make sure to give them space if they need it.

Please don’t assume that they want you there, because not everyone does. Let them know that you are there when they are ready to talk or hang out and keep busy.

Being on both sides

It’s so important that those of us who feel like we have it together don’t make those who don’t feel like they are less than. I have been on both sides of this.

I have been both the one struggling and the strong one. I have been the one pouring out my heart, and I have been the one who sat by listening as a friend poured out her own struggles.

The thing to remember about military life is that it is up and down, it is good and bad, it is happy and sad. When you are feeling good about what is going on, never forget that others are not, and never think that things will continue that way for you. You never know what the next day will bring.

An unexpected PCS? I have known people who have only been given a few weeks’ notice. A deployment that gets cancelled only to have it become uncancelled a week before they are supposed to go. A best friend having to leave when you are just about ready to start a new deployment.

Be there for your friends and the struggling military spouse. This will help out the whole military community and make life a little easier for those who need that little bit of extra love and care.

Have you ever been the struggling military spouse? How have others helped you along the way?

You, Military Spouse, Are Stronger Than You Think

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You, Military Spouse, Are Stronger Than You Think

You, military spouse, are stronger than you think.

Whether you are faced with another year-long deployment or a PCS to a country you never thought you would ever even visit, let alone live, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you are faced with moving somewhere out of your comfort zone or to a place too far from home, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you are struggling with your three kids, three and under, or struggling with infertility, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you just found out you are pregnant, and they will be deployed soon, or you aren’t sure how you will handle the newborn years without them, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you can’t seem to make ends meet or you are upset that you can’t find the right job using your degree, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse joined the military after being married a couple of years or you are about to walk down the aisle to the love of your life, standing there waiting for you in their uniform, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse is deployed to a dangerous location or your spouse is helping out in a natural disaster on the other side of the state, you are stronger than you think.

You see, military spouse, no matter what you are going through, no matter what your current struggle might be or what you have ahead of you, you are stronger than you think. You will get through this, and through your experiences, you will grow stronger with each one.

And at the end of the day, you and your service member will walk through the good and the bad of military life and come out stronger on the other side.

You, Military Spouse, Are Stronger Than You Think

7 Things To Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard

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7 Things To Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard

7 Things To Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard

Military life is a rollercoaster. You will have your good days and your bad ones. You will have highs and lows. You will be waiting for orders for months and months, and then you get them, and before you know it, you are on a plane headed to your next duty station.

It’s a strange way to live your life, always waiting and then not waiting and hoping and crying and then laughing. Your emotions are all over the place.

When you hit a hard season of Military life, it can be difficult to know what to do. You want to think positively, but it is hard. You want to keep busy, but all you really want to do is hide in your bed. You want to remember that this too shall pass, but all you see is more lonely nights, more frustrating days, and years of feeling like your life can never be normal again.

So, what do you do when you hit this point? What can you do to get out of it?

Here are 7 things to do when Military life gets too hard:

  • Find a good book. This works so well for me. If I can find a good book to get lost in, I can find my happiness, and I can make it through another day. If you are not much of a reader, you might want to try audiobooks. You can usually rent them from your local library and listen to them through your phone or your tablet. Find a good series to get into, and you will have books to read for months and months.
  • Find a good friend. Sometimes you just need to hang out with a friend. Sometimes you just need to vent it out to another person. Sometimes you just can’t be alone. If you don’t have anyone to call during this time, make plans to try to meet new people. When you get out and meet others, you are more likely to make a new friend.
  • Write in your journal. This can be so helpful. If you don’t have a nice journal, go out and find one you would love to write in. Plan to write in it whenever you are feeling down. Write out all of your thoughts. No one else is going to read it. This is solely for you. Taking time to get your thoughts out on paper can really get you in a better frame of mind.
  • Think about the past. Think about everything you have been through. Think about how hard the past was and how you made it through. Doing this will allow you to see that you have been through some hard times in the past, and you will be able to get through this more challenging period of Military life. It isn’t going to last forever, just like your previous hard season didn’t last forever.
  • Find a new hobby. Sometimes, when we can focus our energy on a new skill, we can forget about how hard life is at the moment. When I knew my husband was going to be deployed again, I decided to get into gardening, hoping that I could focus more on that while he was getting ready to go and after he left. It was nice to have that as a focus, to plant new things, water them, and learn as much as I could about it. Think about something you have wanted to learn how to do, maybe this time in your Military life is the time to do it.
  • Start a blog. When Military life gets hard, you want to find others who are going through what you are. This is why starting a blog can be a good idea. You can make it a private one to just share with your friends, or you can go public and try to meet other Milspouse bloggers and readers. Having your own blog is a  great way to get your story out and see that you are not alone in your struggles.
  • See if you can change anything. When you are in this place, you can feel like the only thing you can do is get through it. Sometimes, there could be something else you can do. Think about your situation and if there is anything that you can change to make it better. I did this during our 2nd deployment. I knew going through another summer during a deployment would be very difficult. I took the boys and spent the summer in California with my family. It was a good break from what we were dealing with and helped me have more support during that time. You might not always be able to change anything but see if you can because it might help you get through it.

Have you ever felt like Military life was a little too much at times? What have you done to get through it?

 

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

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Last week was a killer for me. Not only did I lose my iPhone to a pool accident, but my car had a lot of issues, and my best friend here at Ft. Campbell moved away. We met in the summer of 2011 and became fast friends. A few of our boys are best buddies, too. I knew it was coming. I knew she would be leaving right when summer started. I didn’t want to think about it too much because it made me sad, but I knew it was there.

When you are in the military community, you know people are going to move all the time. Sometimes you find someone, hit it off, only to find out they are moving in a few months. This has happened to me several times. But spending almost 4 years together is such a treat. It doesn’t happen often, and I am so happy it happened with us.

But last week I had to say goodbye and it was hard. When it was time to say that last, “see you later…” it seemed a little unreal. Even though I knew it was coming, it was hard to let go.

The last time I said goodbye to a friend like this, I was the one moving. This was the first time I was the one staying, and it feels a little different. While she is on to her next adventure, I am still here trying to find my place now that she’s gone.

I have gone through some stages during the last few months, stages I think anyone who has said goodbye to a dear friend has been through.

Getting the news

This is when you first find out your friend is moving. Their spouse got orders. They have an ETS date. They know when they will be leaving the area.

You take it in stride. You don’t worry too much about it because it is 3 months, 6 months, maybe a year into the future. You feel like you have plenty of time before you have to say goodbye. Plus, things change a lot. Nothing is certain in military life until it happens.

It is coming

So your friend tells you they now have a move-out date, plane tickets, or a range of days they will be leaving the area. This is really going to happen. Your friend is really going to move.

This is when you start to worry about life after they have gone. Who will you sit around and talk about everything and nothing with? Who will you call when you need an emergency babysitter? Who will you make plans with when your husbands are both away or working?

You start to panic a little at the thought. But still. Since it is still weeks away, you try not to get too sad about it.

The Moving Truck

This is real, folks. You see the move with your own eyes. When you walk into your friend’s house, you no longer see that couch you used to sit on when you talked about the ills of the world; you see empty spaces and boxes. You see movers and packing lists, and you realize that they are, in fact, moving and it will be soon. That they really are PCSing away from you.

The Goodbye

You make plans that last week. You want to spend as much time together as possible. You have to work around schedules, and you have to remind yourself that this might be the last time you can actually hang out. And then a few hours open up, and you can get together again. Until you know it has to be the last time.

You know this because they are leaving the area in a few hours. And while you are hanging out together, you realize that it is time to go home, and it will be time to say that last goodbye. That moment you have ignored for months is finally here. And you say goodbye or see you later, and all the time you had together flashes before you, and you wonder where all the time went.

You think of the future and how her little two-year-old might be a lot older when you see each other again. You think about what life will be like without her around, and it hurts a little. You wish her and her family well. You are happy for them that they get to move on to their next adventure.

The Future

You will never ever forget about your friend. You will text, email, and share photos on Facebook. You will hear about their new life and share more about yours.

You will eventually make plans to see each other again, even if it is years from now. You get to a place where, although you miss her like crazy, you accept she is gone and look to move on. You think about the other people in your life and how you still have a good circle around you.

You think about how you will eventually be the one to leave, having to say goodbye to many people when that time comes. You think about how you are a strong military spouse who has been through worse.

It’s hard to say goodbye to a friend, especially one you were very close to. But at the same time, it is something you can deal with and work through.

Have you been through saying goodbye to a good friend? How did you deal with it all?

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away