Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

100 Days Of Deployment

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hghghghgWe are here. 100 days of deployment have been conquered. Technically we will hit 100 days over the weekend.

Last week we hit the three-month mark. I had planned to blog about it. How I was doing much better. How life was getting better. How I was not as sad and upset as I had been. How I had hope that this was going to end. Then Thursday night happened. My air went out again…and the frustration of the last few months fell on my shoulders. I was right back to where I started, at least that is what it felt like. I tried my best to go on and do what needed to be done but it was hard. This last week, I was pretty down. I didn’t want to be around people much. I just wanted to sit, with a fan on me and relax.

Today is much better. I am feeling better once again. I feel more like myself. I feel the days are passing. I feel like we can do this.

I hate the ups and downs that a deployment brings. One day is good, one day is bad. It can eat at you. When you feel so upset and down that you and your spouse and living separate lives. When you feel like no one really understands. When you feel like if you could just make it to bedtime, you would make it. Those times are so very difficult for us Military Spouses.

Deployments can be a journey. They can be a time to reflect on yourself and figure out what needs improvement. They can be a time to learn something new. They can be a time where you might be forced to act outside of your comfort zone.

Once you hit 100 days you can’t help but realize that you are making it through the months. That time is passing. When you think about how long it is since you saw your loved one, you can’t help but think about how making it that many days means you are getting through it. Even if your deployment is a year-long, 100 days is still a great milestone to hit.

Hitting 100 days means you are no longer new to the deployment. It means that you are in the “middle” of the deployment. It means that once you go another 100 days you will have gotten through most of it and homecoming should be close to being around the corner.

I look back at the last 100 days and I seriously wonder how we got here. It felt like I got here on my hands and knees. It has not been easy and I do not feel like the time has passed quickly, quite the opposite.

However, I know the next 100 days will not be as bad. They can’t be. We are already “doing” the deployment. We are more used to not having my husband home. It still hurts and some days still really really suck but there is a little bit of hope there that was not there before.

So to you reading this, if you just started your deployment, I understand. I was just there. I still remember how hard it can be. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time or if you need to one breath at a time. It might not seem like time is passing at first, but it will. It might seem like you will feel the way you do forever, but you won’t.

Where are you on your deployment journey?

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What I Learned About Gardening This Year

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My Lime Plant…No Limes Yet 🙁

I jumped into gardening this spring. Sure, I had planted things before but this time I went in full force. I had my husband build some boxes and got into square foot gardening. I experimented. I Googled when I didn’t know what to do and I tried a lot of different plants. Some grew well, some did not. Some were picked too early by a curious little boy who thought he was just trying to help Mommy out.

 

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Tomato plant

Now that fall is just around the corner, I can look back and think about what I want to do next year.

Because this was my first year, I tried a lot of different types of plants. Some of them didn’t grow to well. Some of those plants I want to try again, others I don’t really care too much about.

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Green beans

I learned that I LOVE growing peas, green beans, radishes and carrots. And while I like tomatoes, I was not a fan of them in my square foot garden. I also love corn on the cob but did not plan well and could not grow it.

For the most part bugs/critters did not bother my plants but they always attacked the cucumbers 🙁

My carrots grew but needed deeper soil.

Radishes can not be planted too close together and do not like the heat.

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Pumpkins

So thinking on next year…I want one whole box of corn. The other box will have a mix of carrots, peas, green beans and radishes. I might throw in some flowers or peppers too. I might want my husband to build me another box but we will see when the time comes. I might do some lettuce before it gets too hot as well. Instead of just two types I want to try a lot of different varieties.

I plan to grow the tomatoes on my deck in planters.

I also plan to start a lot earlier than I did. I want to get a mini green house of some kind because I just don’t have the space to keep the plants where they need to be inside in the winter.

As far as my fall garden goes…it is going. My green beans are doing well. My peas that I planted a month ago look like they are doing well. I have a few tomatoes that will turn red soonish I think. My pumpkins are just not growing. They flower and look good but then fall off and die. I am not sure if it is a pollination issue or what. I have seen a lot of bees around the plants the last few months. If I do pumpkins again I will need to figure out what happened and what I can do to avoid that in the future.

I am not sure if I will plant more once all these crops are done. I think I need a little break. I thought I might attempt winter gardening but now I am thinking I won’t. It will be time to start the seedlings for the spring before we know it.

As far as where to buy seeds I plan to buy most of mine online next year. I am trying out a few different places. If you buy online where you do buy from?

 

What did you learn about gardening this year?

 

Thoughts On Syria From An Army Wife

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20121103-IMG_0275Today’s Blue Star Family post is going to be about Syria. I was asked to talk about future engagements and the possibility of military action and what it does to morale at home.

So Syria. It looks like we are probably headed to war. Over the last few days I have been trying to figure out how I feel about the whole thing. I kinda understand reasons why we should, but I also understand reasons why we shouldn’t.

I also know that a lot of the Military is worn thin. A lot of service members have been deployed over and over since 2003. Getting into another war right now is not good. This is why I think the US needs to be very sure that going to war is the right thing. If we need to go to war, we need to go to war. However, if there is any other way…

As far as how morale is. It isn’t good, especially within the deployed spouse community. There is a lot of fear. Fear that current deployments will be extended. Fear that their soldier will only be home for a couple of months before they have to deploy again. Fear that something really bad is going to happen.

I feel like I am in an interesting place. My husband is getting out in June. Unless something really odd happens, this will be his last deployment. But after almost 8 years as an Army wife, I still cringe when I think about more war and more deployments. I know what hearing about the next deployment while they are still deployed is like. It is overwhelming.

I wish there was an easy answer to all of this. I wish it was cut and dry. I wish we had been at “peace” for a few years before this crisis came up.

Military families are strong and can endure a lot but how much is too much?

If you are going through a deployment, have you checked out Everybody Serves? It is a great resource whether you are currently going through a deployment, about to start one or just finished one.

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

We Are Military Spouses

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20110508-IMG_1553My post today is for Blue Star Families. I will be answering the question, “Are Military Spouses today able to suck it up or are do we whine too much and feel we are entitled?”

I think that most Military spouses today are able to suck it up, at least for the most part. I think there is a difference between being whiney and wanting to vent. I also think it isn’t an easy thing to figure out sometimes. It can be difficult to understand your emotions. We don’t always know why we feel the way we do about certain circumstances.

Whenever Sears does their Heroes At Home (which will be tomorrow by the way) you hear the internet go wild with complaining, venting, name calling and it can get down right nasty at times. Someone can get frustrated over not getting the extra money and someone else calls them entitled. Maybe they are being entitled or maybe they are struggling and thought this would be a good thing for their family. It is so hard to judge, especially on the Internet.

I think this lifestyle can be pretty difficult and because of that a lot of venting goes on. Some people have a harder time than others. We all do what we can to support our service member. Or maybe I should say most of us do. We have all heard the stories of the wife who cheated or just gave up and went home. I think venting can cross into whininess pretty quickly. It is a fine line. One which I am sure I cross some times.

I do think we need services such as FRGs, free or reduced childcare, classes and other support systems through a deployment or even during a non-deployment period. I don’t think that makes us weak. I think it makes us smart enough to realize that we do need some help along the way. And I think those in years past who did not have everything we did are happy that we are given the extra support.

 

What do you think?

 

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

Finding Balance During A Military Deployment

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20120908-IMG_9336My next post for Blue Star Families will be about balance during a deployment.

Balance is something I think most people try to achieve in all areas of their life. They want to balance work with home and family. It is no different for us Military families. The issue for us is that it can be more difficult to find that balance, especially during a deployment. When a spouse is gone it is up to the other spouse to fill in the gaps. This can be quite difficult.

I know for myself I work towards balance but I always feel like I am falling short. For example, we might have a day where the kids have a lot of fun but I just can’t get to everything that needs to get done in the house. We might eat a yummy meal but the laundry doesn’t get done. It can be frustrating but I do try hard to let things go. I try to tell myself that I am doing the work of two parents right now. Not everything is going to be perfect.

I also try not to take on too much. Right now we are getting used to 1st and 2nd grade homework. It is taking quite some time each day. By the time we are done, it is time to make dinner. I simply can’t see how we could add in a sport or another afternoon activity right now. I just don’t have the strength to juggle that. I know that about myself so I try to make choices based on what I think I can handle.

I think balancing everything perfectly is such a hard thing to do. I think for most of us we just try to do out best with what we have. We try to make time for everything that needs to get done. We try not to ignore parts of our lives that might need our attention.

How do you achieve balance as a Military spouse?

 

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.

Flying With Children When You Are By Yourself

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If your spouse is in the Military, you have probably had to travel somewhere by yourself. If you have had to do this with children, you know how challenging doing so can be. I have had to do it too many times. I am not a pro at flying with my children and I get through the challenge by preparing a little and praying a lot. Here are just a few tips that you might find helpful.

Flying With Children When You Are By Yourself

1) Don’t book a super early morning flight. If you can, make the flight later in the morning or later in the day. Waking up at 3am to get to the airport in time has never ever worked for me. What usually happens is that I don’t sleep the night before or only get an hour or two. It is just not good to start a day of travel that way. So if you can, don’t book early morning flights.

2) Media is your friend. When we were flying back from California the last time my son played with the Kindle Fire. I didn’t have to worry about him at all. Now for the younger kids, this might not work but I will never not fly with some type of media for my kids again. The only reason we survived trips overseas and back was because the kids were able to watch movies. You do have to remember that they are not allowed to use them on take off and when you land. It is a good idea to talk to your kids about that rule beforehand.Flying with children

3) Prizes. Before flying I tell my boys that they will get a prize once we are seated on the airplane and they have their seatbelts on. This really works for my son with Autism as he does really well when you plan ahead like that. I usually give them a small Lego or something I know they would love and that will keep them entertained. You can go to the dollar store or even a thrift store to find little toys they have never played with before. Give them out throughout the flight.

4) Don’t try to be supermom. I think there is this idea that if you are a good mom, your kids will be perfect angels when they fly. The reality is, kids are kids. You do what you can as a Mom to get everyone on that plane and to make it through the flight. I don’t mean ignore your kids if they are being loud or acting up, but give yourself a break. You are traveling alone with children. Your husband might be deployed and you might be at the end of your rope. People might stare and people might comment but don’t let it get to you. You know you are a good parent but you are being tested and it is okay if it doesn’t go the way it should. Some people are rude, some people have no idea what it is like to fly with kids and some people have forgotten what traveling with small kids is like.

5) Accept help when it comes. I am bad about this. I want to do it all myself. But there are nice people out there. Someone might ask if they can help you carry a car seat, let them. Someone might ask if you need help getting into your seats, let them. Be polite and ask the flight attendants if you need something. They should be understanding.

What tips would you have for traveling along with children?

How Kids Handle Deployment

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For this week’s Blue Star Families post I will be talking about the kids and how they are handling the deployment.

We are almost two months in and as far as my kids go I think they are handling it well. There are our normal kid issues, me feeling burned out all the time and the solo parenting but I don’t see them struggling too much which is a good thing.

My almost nine year old gets sad. He also knows that I need more help and is offering it. Today he took in all of the groceries from the car and put every single one of them away. Then he went on to make himself a sandwich. Just little things like that I have never had before during a deployment. It is really nice.

My six year old has Asperger’s and he told me he doesn’t care that Ben is gone. This makes me sad but it is just how he is. He is all about Mom so even though Daddy is there for him when he is home, him being away doesn’t seem to be bothering him.

My two year old has surprised me a bit. He is such a big Daddy’s boy. He would ask when Daddy would be home when Ben was just at work during the day. I was worried he would cry everyday or something. So far he has been okay with it. If you ask him where Daddy is he will say, “he is gone” and that is all.

I know how lucky I am that my kids are doing okay with all of this. I know it can be really hard on children. Maybe it will show up later on in life or maybe not.

I also wanted to share that there are some great resources on the Everyone Serves Site that can help you during a deployment. One of these resources are some worksheets you can fill out. If you are having a rough time you might want to check out, Coping During Deployment: A Checklist.  It will give you a nice list of things to remember during a deployment. This list has really helped me out on those days where I just want to crawl into a hole until my husband comes home.

What is the best way you have found to cope during a deployment?

Follow Blue Star Families on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ and build a support network so you can keep your family and personal community strong throughout the duration of the entire deployment life cycle.