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Military Life

Five Myths About Military Spouses

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Five Myths About Military Spouses

Here is the thing about Military Spouses, we are not all the same. We come from different backgrounds and different places. We have different likes and dislikes. Some of us are older and some of us are younger. There is not just one type of military spouse. The community is made up of different personalities and different ways of looking at life.

Here are some of the most common myths people have about military spouses.

1) We are all Christians and go to church. There are Military spouses of every religion. I know there seems to be a lot of Christians and there are. I am one of them but there are also a lot of people who are not. I love talking about religion with people. I find it so fascinating. And I like that we are not all the same. We can teach each other things we have learned from our own faith and I find that really valuable, especially in a community with a lot of stressful situations going on. Don’t ever assume that everyone has the same faith that you do.

2) We are all Republicans. A lot of the Military Community lean to the right politically, but we are not all Republicans. We all support the troops but we might see other topics really differently. Some of us are liberal, some of us just don’t have a side. There is a big range of people with all types of different political beliefs that are married to members of the military.

3) We all want to have children. There are so many Military children but not every Military spouse wants to be a mom. Some are waiting until after their husband is out of the Military and others are fine without never having children. There are also many spouses that want children and cannot have them. This can get hard when it comes to planning FRG events as some are really geared towards children and others are not. I have also heard that it can be hard to make friends on a Military post when you don’t have children.

4) We are all SAHMs or SAHWs. There are a lot of SAHMs in the Military world. That does not mean that everyone who is married to someone in the Military wants to be one. Some people have their own careers, others wish they could have a career but are unable to do so because of where they are currently living. It can be quite difficult to keep up your career when you have to move every few years. Some spouses are going to school. Some spouses have a college degree. Some plan to work once their spouse retires.

5) We can get through anything with a smile on our face. We are not always happy. We can’t be. Life gets rough sometimes. We need to vent. We get frustrated and we need to figure out how to get through whatever stressful situation we have to go through. We simply can’t be happy all the time. We can try to be positive but the reality is it isn’t always easy to keep a smile on your face 24/7. This is okay. Do your best to get through whatever challenge you need to get there.

Do you ever feel like you don’t fit into the Military Spouse world?

Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget

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Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget

So your husband is gone. You no longer have him to help with your kids. No more easy trips to the store to pick up a few things, no more ladies nights, you pretty much have to bring your kids everywhere you need to go.

You can get a babysitter which is nice, but using one often can add up. I know here in Tennessee you will end up paying close to $10/hour for a good sitter. So what do you do when you just can’t afford that but need to have some time for yourself? How do you handle life when you need that break but it feels like that $10/hour is way out of your budget?

This is how I have done c without having to spend a lot of money.

  • Trade with a friend. Find someone you trust with your kids and trade-off on babysitting. Neither one of you has to pay a dime. You can do it weekly or monthly or as often as you would like. During one of our deployments my friend and I took turns watching each other kids while we went grocery shopping. It was so nice to be able to do it alone and not have to take my kids with me. We even took turns to go to church on Easter Sunday.
  • Take advantage of hourly care. Most duty stations will have a CDC hourly care for you to use. You will just need to sign your kids up at your local CYSS. You will renew yearly from then on. When we were in Germany we were given 16 hours of free care during the deployment. Here at Ft. Campbell we were able to get half-price hourly care which is $2.00 an hour. Not a bad deal at all and they feed them breakfast and lunch if they are there at meal times. I started using hourly care when my oldest was about 20 months old and I was pregnant and I knew I would need something as my husband was getting ready to deploy.
  • Take advantage of Parent’s Night Out and Super Saturdays. At each post we have been stationed at they have had Super Saturdays for us to use during the deployment and a few months after he got home. We drop the kids off at 9am and pick them up by 5pm. This was so nice when my husband was gone. I was able to meet friends and shop or just take some time to myself. It definitely made the weekend go by a lot faster. Now that he is home and we can still use it for a bit we are having a great time with spending the day together. Other places in town such as a local church or the YMCA might have Parent’s Night out for you to use. See what is available in your area. You might be surprised at what you can find.

 

How have you been able to find Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget?

Should You Live On Post During A Deployment?

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20110129-IMG_9646-2One question a lot of people have is if it is better to live on post during a deployment or not. Most Military families know that a deployment or even a time of separation is in their future. They have to ask themselves what would be best.

I think that question is a hard one to answer. For some, on post living is best. For others, it is a different story.

Here are a few things to think about when it comes to living on or off post during a deployment-

  • When you live on post, you have better access to what the post offers. This really depends on what your own duty station offers and what the city you would be living in offers. For us here at Ft. Campbell, there is a lot to do on post. Since we live off and I didn’t want to drive to post everyday, it was not as easy as it is for those that live there. We don’t do as much just because it is harder to put in the schedule. During a deployment you should be able to received some free or low-cost items for your kids. Here we only have to pay $2/hour for hourly care and each child gets money towards SKIES programs. Being on post can help you take advantage of these benefits a little easier.
  • Where do the majority of your friends live? For our first two deployments we were either on post or in Government leased housing. We were surrounded by Military which meant that a lot of my friends lived right by me and they too were going through deployments. We were all dealing with it together. This made it a lot easier to get together and we could see each other almost daily without too much trouble. We could make last-minute plans and it wasn’t a huge deal. For our 3rd and 4th deployments we lived off post away from others who were going through deployments. I could tell the difference. On the flip side if you have some really amazing neighbors, they might be able to really help you out when your spouse is gone. It just depends on where you live and who you live by.
  • It might be best for your to live off post during a deployment if you like your own space.  If your spouse is deployed, you might not even need to go on post very often. Some people need that break from the daily Military life. If you own your own home you might enjoy working on your house while your spouse is gone. You have a lot more freedom then you do on post. If your servicemember is planning to ETS right after the deployment, you might even decide to take the kids and move to where you plan to live after the Military.

I know for myself that if I was going to have to do it over again, I would most likely want to be on post for a deployment. I think it makes it a little easier for everyone. I would have better access to the activities and people that would help be get through the deployment.

What do you think based on your own experiences?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Journey Through Deployment Book Review

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned below for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”Journeycover_3D

I love all the support that is out there for us Military spouses. I got the privilege of reviewing an E-book by fellow Blogger and Military Spouse, Kathryn Sneed. Kathryn has been blogging at Singing Through the Rain since 2011. Her blog is a supportive blog for Military spouses and one of my favorites!

Journey Through Deployment: Stepping Forward with Confidence During Military Separations is filled with:

  • Tips for preparing yourself and your family for deployment.
  • Hope and encouragement to get you through deployment.
  • A section for civilians to learn what military life is like.
  • Tips for preparing yourself and your family for reintegration.
  • Stories, lessons, and journeys of other military spouses just like you!

I read this book as we finished up our fourth deployment and I can tell you it is filled with a lot of great advice for anyone going through a deployment. When your spouse first leaves it can be overwhelming. You might not know how you should feel or if what you are feeling is okay. Having a book like this will help you understand that you are not alone. It can also teach you what to expect as the deployment goes on. I would have loved to have read something like this during our first deployment.

I also enjoyed the stories the author added and advice from other spouses. It really helps to hear from different people as different people do have different deployment experiences.

You can purchase Journey Through Deployment at Amazon or as a PDF file.

Our Very Last Homecoming

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1503854_10202746991981878_545705499_nI rolled over and realized I had actually slept some the night before. However, it was only about 4 am. I didn’t care. Today was THE day and I figured if I got up and started getting ready, I would have enough time to do what I needed to do before the boys woke up. I plugged in the curlers and I got dressed into the outfit that had been hanging in my closet for about two months. It was just a red sweater and some jeans. I had also bought some new jewelry to go with it. I put the rollers in my hair and tried to eat a little breakfast.

I walked in the boy’s room and my oldest said to me, “Is today the day? Do we have to go to school today?” I had told him earlier that most likely Daddy was coming home on Tuesday and if this were true they would not have to go to school. I also told them that things could change so we wouldn’t know for sure until that morning. Somehow nothing changed from the 14 days call we got about the timing of the welcome home. I thought the date was neat because on December 17, 2006, my husband came back from Iraq for R&R and met his 2nd little boy for the first time. And here we were, 7 years later, getting ready to pick up Daddy from his very last deployment ever.

1499435_10153587602075705_1665278632_nWe have some friends who were going to come with me to help with the boys. I also had another friend coming to take photos. We left the house at about 7am and made our way to Ft. Campbell to find the buses. When we pulled into the parking lot and I could see the other wives, moms and family members it started to feel very real. This was it. The Homecoming. The day everyone who has ever had a deployed spouse has been waiting for.

We got out of the car and made our way to the bus. I knew the boys would be fine with it and think it was fun. The bus ride to the hangar didn’t take very long either. We got out and walked inside. We were greeted by a nice man who told us that there were a lot of snacks and drinks that we could have if we got hungry. The hanger was starting to fill up with people. I noticed quite a lot of Moms and Dads and knew they were waiting for their sons to come home. I saw wives and wives with little babies but not too many wives with older children.

We decided to go hang out in the kids room which was nice. At that time we were not sure how much longer we would have. Time passed, we chatted and let the kids play. We went outside for a bit but it was really too cold to just hang out there. We went back inside and took some “waiting” photos.

Before we knew it they told us to go outside as the plane would be landing soon. Everyone was outside holding signs and just waiting to see the plane. Then my friend said, “I saw it, over there, behind the building.”

By this point you KNOW your soldier is coming home but there is just something about seeing the actual plane that makes you feel like it is really true. Just seeing it land right in front of you is amazing. The plane landed, we all cheered and watched it turn around and try to connect with the stairs. It did and after what seemed like forever, the doors opened and soldiers started coming out. They were pretty far away but I noticed that the fourth guy in walked like my husband. He was the right height too. My friend who was taking photos was able to get a closer picture and it was him! So exciting for us! Once we knew it was him we ran to the other side of the waiting area to see him walk by.

1468705_10202746997582018_945491513_nAfter that we went back inside to find a seat. As we did this we noticed that we could see Ben through the small opening. That was pretty sweet. Before we knew it the men walked in. They have to be very serious when they do this. The rest was pretty much a blur as I was just waiting for them to release everyone. I had told my friend that I wanted to go to Ben first and then the kids could follow me. Once they gave the ok, I sprinted as fast as I could into Ben’s arms. I actually jumped into his arms which I had never done before.  It was over…finally. The last 6.5 months were over and he was finally in my arms again. The boys followed me and finally got to be back with their Daddy.

It felt like such a very long road for us. This deployment was something else but now I can finally say that it IS a part of our past and is no longer our normal.

 

Living In Vicenza, Italy

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Happy to have this guest post by Stephany on Vicenza, Italy. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

living in italy

From the minute I stepped off the plane in Venice, Italy, I knew life would be a bittersweet combination of challenges and fun adventures. While I enjoy the beauty of Italy’s scenic mountains and greenery, I’ve learned that like any rose bush, Italy has its thorns too.

I had been to Venice a year ago with my husband and was surrounded by Italians who spoke English and were happy to serve American patrons. I naively thought the rest of Italy would welcome us with open arms until I moved here. A new army installation was opening shortly after I arrived (Caserma Del Din) and was violently protested by Italians who cut into the fence and forced their way in. Some Italians don’t want our troops here because they believe it will bring war onto their home front.

I also came to Italy with the preconceived notion that it would be cheap to travel all of Europe. My husband and I went to Rome and spent a little over $400 round-trip just for train fare. We spent close to a thousand total on food, lodging and travel. Needless to say, we haven’t ventured far since Rome. In addition, the cost of living is higher because the US dollar is equivalent to 0.70€.

The obvious solution would be to get a job so we have extra spending money for trips, however, this has proven to be difficult. The US has an agreement with Italy called the SOFA agreement which basically states US citizens can’t work in the Italian economy and 70% of jobs on post must go to Italian citizens.

However, there is a silver-lining to this proverbial thorn bush I call home. For starters, I live in northern Italy which is surrounded by beautiful mountains and it rains a bit which makes all the foliage green. Whenever it rains, the skies are clear the next day and every crevice and snowcap can be seen on the mountains. This is a treat for a Texas girl like myself who is from a drought-ridden city where the grass is brown and the ground is flat.

While I mentioned earlier that traveling can be expensive, there are plenty of places close by to see. Verona, Venice, Asiago (yes, this is where the cheese asiago comes from), and Pisa (you know, the leaning tower) are all within an hour or two away. I went to Verona to see the house of Juliet and even wrote her a letter! I’ve been to Venice a handful of times and I’m going to Milan in a few days! There is so much to see; wineries are everywhere, olive oil factories let you harvest olives and give a tour, and so much more. Surprisingly, there are wives here who are unhappy and it’s because they never get out and explore this beautiful country.

Along with traveling, I’ve enjoyed the food (maybe a little too much!) Italians are all about enjoying their meals and it’s taught me a few things. Unlike fast-paced Americans, Italians believe in enjoying meals and it’s not something to be rushed – it’s a marathon not a race. Dinner is served in courses and enjoyed in a large group of family and friends over several hours of delicious food and conversation. After dinner, it’s customary to drink coffee or even liquor as a digestive. I hope to adopt this belief of enjoying food slowly instead of shoveling it in my mouth long after we move.

My advice to any families PCSing to Vicenza, Italy is to 1) get involved in the military community (FRG, soldiers’ theater, community club, volunteer, etc) and/or make friends. It can get lonely here if you don’t get out of the house and I believe this is why lots of wives are unhappy here. 2) Come with an open mind. It’s a different culture here and it’s a different way of life, driving in Italy is very different (in place of traffic lights, there are traffic circles aka roundabouts), some restrooms are simply a hole in the ground (called a squatty potty because you have to squat to pee). 3) Lower enlisted are only allowed one POV, so make friends with other families so your husband can carpool and you can have a car when you need one. It’s tough having only one car out here but taxes are high if you have two cars and it’s not feasible unless you or your husband are higher enlisted and can afford it.

Stephany is currently living with her husband Travis in Vicenza, Italy. She has a passion for writing and a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Texas, hook ‘em horns! When she’s not writing, she’s out walking her dog or spending time at home with her husband. She loves doing arts and crafts, making salt scrubs, bath fizzies, care packages, and sewing pillows.