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5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

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5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

Sometimes life just sucks. It gets frustrating. You are going about your business, expecting a certain outcome and something gets in your way.

You have hopes and dreams and then realize they will be harder to achieve than you first thought. You just want to get through the day without feeling sad but you can’t help your emotions. This happens to all of us.

Whether you feel that way is because of your family, career, or even a failed friendship, life can feel really difficult sometimes. When you get bad news you want to just curl up in your bed and try not to think about what is going on.

Bad days are hard but when you have one, try to remember this…

Tomorrow is another day

You never know what it will bring. Saturday could be horrible but that doesn’t mean that Sunday has to be. Focus on the positive things that have happened to you recently and have hope that tomorrow is a much better day.

Most likely it will be and the sad day won’t last forever. Most likely, the next day will bring more good things than bad. And that is something to look forward to.

You are not alone

There are others going through what you are. There are others going through much worse. This isn’t the first time that whatever has happened to you has happened.

Many people have come before you and gone through it before. If you are dealing with a certain issue, talking to someone who has gone through that issue before can help. They can give you some perspective and tips on getting through it.

When it comes to military spouses, we have been through it all. We understand what it is like to miss someone so badly, we understand what it is like to have to say goodbye to a good friend, we understand what it is like to have to prepare to send someone to fight in a war.

Take a breath

Sometimes stopping and spending time by yourself can really help you get your mind in a better place. Writing in a journal and saying some prayers can go a long way in making life a little better. This is especially important if you find yourself overreacting about certain things.

Taking time for yourself can allow you to calm down and get to a more peaceful place. Find things you like to do, whether that is reading a good book, messaging a friend, or even going for a long walk. Taking care of your own needs can help you get back on track and give you the perspective you need to keep going.

Stop comparing

Comparing yourself to others is a hard habit to break. This can happen a lot within your military spouse life. Watching someone else’s spouse come home before yours can trigger this. Watching another military family PCS when you wish it was you can cause jealousy.

Comparing your situation with others, or getting stuck in a jealousy cycle can really make for a terrible day. Try to think of what you have and not what you don’t. Focus on what you have going on and what is in store for you.

No, maybe you don’t get to PCS right now like the family down the street but your time will come, and until then work on trying to bloom where you are currently stationed. That can make all the difference in your mood.

Be Flexible

One of the biggest reasons someone might have a bad day is because things didn’t go as planned. If you can be flexible about your desires, you have a better chance of letting them go. Think about all of your options and go from there. Remember that your first choice might not even be the best choice and there could be better things ahead.

Bad days are the worst. Not being able to share them with your spouse when they are gone can make them even more so. Try to do what you can to get yourself out of your funk. It will be worth it and you will feel much better about whatever problem you are dealing with.

If you do find yourself with too many sad days in a row, or that you can’t get away from them, make sure to seek help. Military One Source has some good resources to help.

What do YOU do to feel better when you having a bad day???

What I Wish I Knew Before My Spouse Became a Recruiter

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Happy to have this guest post by April on her experiences while her spouse was a military recruiter. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Recruiting duty, like a lot of other things in the military, has some awesome perks but also some tough drawbacks.

Before my husband volunteered, all I knew was he was non-deployable, and that was pretty dang important after coming off of a year being separated because of his PCS to Korea for which I was not approved to go with.

I didn’t know anyone who had been a recruiter who I could talk to in order to gain somewhat of a perspective of what to expect. So, we were basically going in blind. My husband was stationed in Central Oregon, nowhere near a military installation.

Here are four things I wish I knew going into recruiting duty, and I hope they will help prepare you better than I was.

1) Recruiting duty is stressful, and the hours are long.

There were many 14-16 hour days, 6-day workweeks, and overnights to trainings and MEPS. I was thankful we were together as a family, but I was not prepared for how much the job would take a toll on my spouse. It was all about numbers and making so many phone call attempts, which left my husband little control over his schedule, and that left me never knowing when he would be home or when he might have to leave overnight.

There is definitely some of that in the regular Army, but the unpredictability of the daily schedule taught me to just let go, or at least attempt to let go, of all expectations of a standard mealtime or time when my husband would walk through the front door. He also had a government phone, and so he was constantly getting phone calls and texts from coworkers and applicants. 

2) The service member is non-deployable!

The biggest perk for me, coming off of a year apart with a small child, was that my husband was never gone for more than a few months at a time. We had another baby while he was on recruiting because we could guarantee he would be home for the birth. It was glorious to not have to worry about a deployment for three years.

3) You may be stationed nowhere near a military installation.

The closest one to us was a four-hour drive, and so we didn’t get any of the amenities we were used to when we had a post nearby. Groceries were more expensive, and childcare was difficult to find. Because of not being near a military installation, there was a sense of isolation.

We didn’t have a ton of military families who knew what we were going through close by that we could lean into for support and friendship, and there wasn’t a post that had activities we could go to in order to stay busy or meet other people. We had to work really hard, and in ways we hadn’t had to before, in order to build a community around us.

4) Yes, you may not be near a military installation, but help is out there!

You should still have a SFRG, you probably will rarely see them in person. There should be a representative for families at some level, you might just have to ask around to find that person. And there are spouses that are already there and have been there a while, ask them! They will know which grocery store has the cheapest groceries and possibly a good daycare for your child. You just have to be brave and ask around.

Recruiting duty is unique in a lot of ways, good and hard. Being on the tail end of it, I can see all the great things it allowed our family to do, and in the ways, it pushed us out of our comfort zones. 

April is a mom to two girls, wife to a soldier turned Air National Guard member and lives in Central Oregon. Her husband transitioned from active duty to the guard last year, and they are very much still in the trenches of transition. She loves to read, write, and be outdoors in their beautiful state. Military life is hard, and she has a passion for making it easier for others, however she can. You can find her at Mercy and Healing.

Moving When Your Spouse is Deployed? Here Are Some Hacks to Help You Out

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Moving While Your Spouse Is Deployed: Hacks To Make The Process Easier

So your spouse is deployed, and you are tasked with moving you and your family to your new PCS assignment. You’re probably pretty stressed, right? 

Moving is a daunting task, and when your spouse is unable to be there to help you do the work, the process can become even more overwhelming. Fortunately, with a little preparation and a calm attitude, you can get your family moved to your new location and still maintain your sanity!

Keep Everything Organized

The worst mistake you can make when moving is being disorganized. Especially if you have children, you can’t afford to be unprepared for each step of the process. 

Make a List For Everything 

It all begins with the organization– make a list for just about everything. List out all of the things you will need to do before you even start packing, such as your preferred moving service, costs associated with the move, personal items you will need for the trip, etc. These will all need to be decided ahead of time. It’s worth the extra time to make sure that the moving process starts on a good footing. 

Identify What is Most Valuable to You

Keep a list of your most valuable items, such as electronics, jewelry, family heirlooms, and sentimental belongings. It’s common for possessions to be damaged, lost, or sometimes even stolen during the moving process. Keeping a checklist of these items to ensure they make it through the move safely will prove to be beneficial.

  1. Set Aside the Essentials

Another helpful tip for planning your move is to pack the essential items that you will need right when you get to your new home separately, such as toiletries, phone chargers, a change of clothes, and some food. The last thing you’ll want after traveling to your new home is to have to dig through boxes to find the things you need to get settled in that first night. To make things even easier and time-efficient for yourself and your family, you can have these essentials delivered to your new address while you are en route. This way, not only can you get settled into your new home quicker, but you won’t have to pack all of those items and lug them with you during your move.

  1. Pack Unused Items First 

Perhaps the best place to start packing is with your spouse’s belongings. While they are deployed, they won’t need any of the items they left behind and probably won’t for a while until after they return home. 

Holiday decorations are another good place to start if you are moving well in advance of the holidays. Anything that you can’t see yourself or your family using within the first month of living in your new home should be packed away first. From there, you can pack more and more of your belongings as your moving date approaches, leaving your immediate needs to be packed last.

Use Your Resources

  1. Utilize Military-Hired Movers

If you’re feeling exceptionally overwhelmed by the thought of moving yourself and your children all on your own, look to external resources for help. The military does offer help with packing and moving your belongings to your new home. It could be very helpful to get a few additional adults to help you with the process of packing and moving. Especially if this service comes at little to no cost to you, you might as well make use of the help. 

  1. Get Your Kids Involved

Including your children in the entirety of the moving process can help them cope with their own stress associated with uprooting their lives. This can be very beneficial for your family as a whole. Whether your children are very young, or young adults, there are a few things children of nearly any age can do to help with packing and moving. 

For the little ones, you can give them the assignment of collecting their favorite belongings and setting them aside to be packed separately. Doing so will make it easier for your child to feel more at ease during the move knowing that their favorite things are safe and easily accessible once they get to their new home. 

For slightly older children, you can give them even more practical assignments from house hunting to packing up the entirety of their bedroom. It’s important that your kids feel as though they have some choice and control over the situation in order to feel better about leaving their friends and school life behind. 

Take it Slow

Moving without your spouse there to be involved in the process can be very emotional for you and your family. The stress of moving, missing your loved one, solo parenting, and uprooting your family can be exhausting. 

For this reason, getting help from movers and your family members is going to make a big difference in the emotional exhaustion this process may cause. Don’t try to do everything on your own, and don’t try to get everything done in only a few days either. Once you get to your new home, take your time moving in and getting settled. Remember, there’s no time limit on unpacking.

No matter what, moving is inevitable for military spouses, as is moving while your spouse is deployed. While you probably wish you could avoid relocating on your own, it’s best to have a solid plan for doing so. Try out a few of these hacks the next time you are assigned to a new duty station, and above all else, stay calm!

When They Are Deployed During a Pandemic

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When They Are Deployed During a Pandemic

You knew 2020 meant a deployment, and you tried to prepare yourself for the time apart, but then, 2020 took a turn and you found yourself saying goodbye right as the world started to change.

You had no idea what this would mean for the deployment, or what this would mean for you and your kids back at home. You just knew a deployment during a pandemic was going to add another layer of stress, on an already stressful situation.

As the deployment got started, and everything started to close down, you just weren’t sure how long it would all last. Hopefully not too long? But as the numbers climbed, you knew this was something that would be impossible to plan.

Whenever your spouse goes away, you always have a plan. Stay busy! Find things for the kids to do! Get out of the house.

But then, most of that was canceled. The soccer games you knew you would have each Saturday, helping you get through your weekend, were canceled. Going to church wasn’t a way to connect with others, but instead, a service online in your living room. You couldn’t rely on all those playdates that got you through the last deployment.

And as time goes on you start to feel so lost. Day after day, it’s the same thing. Day after day, you have to find new ways to get through a deployment. The old ways don’t apply anymore.

Before your spouse left, you told yourself it would be okay because this time you would have kids in school all day, only to have them home right before spring break, and still be home months later.

Before your spouse left you had looked forward to visiting your family in the summer, but now, that trip has been canceled. And you aren’t sure when you can rebook.

Before your spouse left, you had a long list of things you and the kids were going to do. Your bucket list was long, but now on a few things are possible.

As time goes on, you start to worry a bit. A few friends are dealing with delayed homecomings, and you wonder if that will happen to your spouse, when it is their time to come home.

As a military spouse, you have been through many types of frustrating situations. From a delayed PCS to an extended deployment, but this deployment during a pandemic thing is a lot to deal with. Almost too much.

You wonder how long it will last, both the deployment and the pandemic.

You wonder what can really help because staying busy is now a lot more challenging.

You wonder how this will affect your kids and what you can do to help them.

As you wake up each morning, you try to think of the positives about what is going on. The good things. The happy things.

But some mornings, that’s just too hard. Some mornings, that is just too much. Some mornings, you wish you could hit the fast forward button so that all of this would be over and you could get back to your normal life.

You hope time goes by a little faster than it is. You try to do the best that you can do because that is all you can do. You hope this never happens again, and that once it is over, you can come out a stronger person, able to take on whatever military life brings at you.

So many may be struggling with a deployment during a pandemic. The National Guard has been called up for various reasons, and some have AT coming up soon. Others are preparing for a deployment during this crazy time.

None of this is easy, and it has taken us all by surprise. From delayed PCS moves, to not being able to travel like normal, the pandemic has affected military life in many ways.

Know that if you are dealing with any of this, you are not alone. Some of what has worked in the past won’t work right now, but you still have things you can do to get through it.

You might not be able to get together with friends, but texts and video chats can help.

You might not be able to visit your family, but setting up a weekly Zoom call can help keep you connected over the miles.

You might not be able to stay busy in the ways you have before, but you can take this time to find other ways to do, either at home or in nature of some kind.

It might seem that this is our new normal, and no one really knows how long we will be living in pandemic mode. But no matter what happens, the deployment will eventually end, and things will change.

2020 will eventually end, and hopefully, future years will be a bit easier on all of us.

Getting Through COVID-19, With the Office

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Getting Through COVID-19, With the Office

Raise your hand if you are going through a challenging time right now???

I know my hand is up. There is a lot going on right now with military families. We are trying to get through COVID-19 and the pandemic, possibly going through deployments, waiting on a PCS, and just dealing with added stress from everything going on.

During times like this, it is a good idea to find the humor in things. From a silly television show to a funny GIF. And today, I decided to combine the two. One of my favorite TV shows is the Office, and I am on my 3rd watch of the series.

This show makes me laugh and puts me in a better mood. I love the Pam and Jim storyline and have enjoyed listening to the new podcast, the Office Ladies.

So as we are all going through this together, I figured, the Office can always make us feel better.

During all of this, at least we are not going through this alone. We are all in this together, no matter where we call home.
When you hear that school isn’t going to be open again until the fall. How did this happen???
When you are a news junkie and there is so much going on but you don’t want to share too much because well…you don’t want to bore everyone but really, there is so much going on!
When all you want to do is PCS to your new duty station but now it has been delayed even longer, after having to go through a regular old PCS delay last winter.
When the gym is closed and you can’t go to any parks, you have to find other ways to get your exercise in.
When you wake up in the morning and there is still Coronavirus and it doesn’t seem like it is going to go away anytime soon…
When your kids get all their online schooling done without any fighting or tears, from you…or from them. Let’s do it again tomorrow kids!
When you told yourself if you just had more time at home you could get so much done but you still feel like you are so bored you don’t know what to do with yourself.
When you are just going to keep watching the Office to feel better and laugh and forget about how crazy things are right now.

Who is your favorite Office character???

When Your Countdown Gets Delayed

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When Your Countdown Gets Delayed

It was April and my husband would be home in June. Only a couple more months to go. I sat down at my computer in my apartment in Germany and looked through all of the summer dresses. I would need to pick something out for homecoming.

I decided to look later and headed to bed, completely unaware of what the next day would bring. Completely unaware of how everything would change and how I wouldn’t need a summer homecoming dress after all.

That next day, we heard the news. The men were not coming back in June, they were being extended and this deployment would go from nine months to twelve just like that.

As military spouses, we know things change all the time. Orders change, locations change, dates change.

We know this and yet, we still hope they don’t. We still wonder if we might be the lucky ones where dates don’t change, and everything happens the way we think it should.

But the reality is, things don’t always go so smoothly during our military spouse lives. We are always having to adjust. Even if it is very hard to do so.

When I heard on the news that all military travel and moves were on hold in Italy and South Korea because of the Coronavirus, I thought about how this was going to be a delay for some military families. And while this one isn’t because of military reasons, it is still a delay.

I know there are some military families who have been counting down the days until their move. I know there are military spouses who assumed their loved one would be back in their arms this month. I know there is a lot of disappointment because of this.

And maybe you have been through this too. Maybe you have been through a deployment extension, or maybe your PCS orders got moved from May to September. Maybe you planned everything out with your kids and their schedules only to be told everything was going to change.

When your countdown gets delayed, no matter what it is for, it is hard to not get extremely frustrated by the whole thing. I know for me, I tend to go down the “what if” hole rather quickly.

What if it gets delayed again?

What if we miss doing something we had planned?

What if this happens every time we PCS or for every deployment?

Because my husband’s first deployment was extended, I had a fear it would happen each and every time. It was so difficult to let go of that. Worried that he would get extended again was always in the back of my head.

And sure, the best thing to do would be to assume the longest time possible, but that is hard to do in reality. When you have young kids, and struggling through each day, the last thing you want to do is tell yourself it is okay if this deployment also gets extended past a year.

So what should you do when your countdown gets delayed? How can you stay calm? Here is what worked for me:

1) Find friends to get through the delay with.

See if anyone else is going through the same thing. The good thing about going through the extension where we were stationed is that almost every single military spouse was going through it too. It was a pretty small post and we were able to come together to help one another through.

2) Make more plans.

Fill up that calendar. Go somewhere every day if that is possible. Staying busy is going to help you, and keep your mind off the waiting. Because that is what a delay is about. Just more waiting.

If you are not able to get out and do stuff away from home, make fun plans inside your home. Start a new hobby, teach your kids something new, or have a movie marathon. You want to avoid just sitting there being sad about your situation, time does not pass that way.

3) Don’t go down the rabbit hole

This is going to be the hardest part. I can go down this hole rather quickly and it gets me so upset. All the “what ifs” can mess with your head.

Talk things over with your spouse, try to focus on any of the good things you are going through at the moment, and no matter what the delay is, things will get moving again eventually.

4) Learn from it all.

I learned a lot from my husband’s delayed homecoming date. It wasn’t always fun, and I cried a lot of tears.

But after he got home, I was able to look back and learn from everything I went through. I was able to pull the good out of the situation and even though I wouldn’t want to go through all of that again, I was glad that I learned something from the experience.

I think sometimes that is all we can do with a stressful delay of any kind. We know they can happen, but when they do, they can really throw us off.

I hope that whatever delay you are experiencing you can find ways to make it through. That you can get through this with friends, family, and by finding creative ways to do so. You got this military spouse!

“Life is a cycle, always in motion, if good times have moved on, so will times of trouble” – Indian proverb

How To Go About House Hunting From Afar

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Excited to have this guest post from Millie! Please visit my Duty Station Guest Posts page for more information on guest posting 🙂

How To Go About House Hunting From Afar

How To Go About House Hunting From Afar

“We have orders to WHERE???”

By Kellie Artis, gomillie.com

Once the orders drop, there are a few decisions that need to be made: will we live on base or off? And if we decide to live off base, will we rent or will we buy? Each of these decision points come with several considerations, but let’s just say that you decide to rent or buy a home in the community. Great! Now, where do you start?

Sometimes the stars align so that you can actually take a trip out to “recon” an area before your move. Often, this is a luxury considering all of the things that must fall into place to allow for such a trip: childcare, time off work for the spouse, leave for the service member, and non-reimbursable travel expenses. More often than not, you’ll be house hunting from afar.

Research

The absolute first place online you should visit is www.gomillie.com. MILLIE is a one-stop-shop for researching your next duty station, understanding the surrounding areas, and getting the inside scoop from a military family perspective. All of the information comes directly from hundreds of military spouses stationed at each of the 70+ installations featured on the site. Just go to the Find a Base page and search for your upcoming duty station! You’ll get the dish on area schools, the local housing market, attractions, pros and cons, even unit-specific maps and commute charts.

Grab a coffee and settle in to learn some of the most pertinent information about your new home and where to start on your virtual house hunt! From here you should have a pretty decent idea of where you’re going to want to start your home search. You will be a dream client for any real estate agent, and you’ll save tons of time by doing your research up front.

House Hunting

Finding an Agent

If you are considering buying a home, you’ll want to find an agent that understands your unique situation as a military family, and won’t be afraid of geographic restrictions (ie. potentially not being able to physically tour a home!). They also need to understand that military families buy with the future in mind. Unless this is your last stop, this purchase won’t be a forever home, but likely be a rental property after a couple of years. You’ll also want an agent that is knowledgeable of the VA loan benefit. We’ve heard over and over again of agents that have tried to talk military buyers out of using their benefit, likely because they have bought into some of the myths surrounding it, or aren’t familiar enough with it. A great agent will also be willing to do virtual tours (sometimes with really snazzy VR tech), and work around crazy time constraints.

Recommendations from friends is a good place to start when choosing who you’ll trust with this massive transaction. But if you don’t have a network where you’re headed, you can be expertly paired with a real estate agent who meets all of the above criteria, AND has also actually personally experienced a PCS. MILLIE’s AgentHero Network is made up exclusively of military spouse and veteran real estate agents who have served – just like you! They’re top agents who are also uniquely attuned to the needs of military clients because they’ve been in your shoes. You can connect with one of over 600 AgentHeroes within an hour directly from the MILLIE site.

House Hunting

Finding a Rental

Sometimes buying a home doesn’t make sense, so you’re on the hunt for a rental. By now you’ve done your research and have an idea of what area to focus on in your search. Next head over to MilitaryByOwner.com to start compiling actual listings to consider.

With each listing, remember that you can’t smell photos (cat pee or cigarette odor, anyone?) and they may have failed to mention the neighboring cellular tower in the listing. Sometimes homeowners or management companies will offer to give you a virtual tour, but keep in mind that there is an incentive for them to gloss over or completely omit the quirks and/or defaults of a home. Asking local friends to help out with “recon” is always an option, but if you don’t have a network where you’re headed or don’t want to lean on your friends in that way, you can turn to a MILLIE Scout. Scouts are military spouses who can be your boots-on-the ground when you can’t be there. You can hire a Scout to conduct a Facetime tour with you, provide neighborhood reviews, and more! This way you have an objective fact-finder that you can trust from afar to help provide decision support, and feel better about the dreaded “sight-unseen” situation we’re often faced with.  

House hunting from far away can be stressful, but with the right tools you can make decisions efficiently and from an informed point of view.  

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MILLIE is an online community and digital marketplace that connects members of the military and their families with specialized knowledge and trusted resource providers to remove the stress and anxiety of PCS’ing. Check out MILLIE’s Installation and Neighborhood Guides, our network of Veteran and military spouse Realtors, and Scout, our on-demand task service composed of military spouses.

www.gomillie.com | MILLIE Journal | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest| Twitter

 

7-Eleven Veterans Franchise Contest

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 7-Eleven Franchising for IZEA. All opinions are 100% mine.

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As a Military spouse, I am excited to share with you a new contest just for veterans. You can win the chance to have your own 7-Eleven Franchise! This is such an exciting promotion open to all U.S. veterans.

A Veteran is anyone who has served in the military and veterans know what it is like to serve their country. They also work hard to create a life for themselves after they are out of the military. Many go on to become business owners taking the skills they have learned in the military and applying them in their new workplace.

7-Eleven is a company that supports veterans because the President and CEO, Joe DePinto, is also a military veteran. He understands what it is like to be in the military and then attempt to find your way afterwards.

As a military spouse, I am thankful that there are companies out there that do support veterans. My husband served in the active duty Army for 10 years and is now in the National Guard. Being deployed, going through multiple PCS moves and learning to navigate how the military works can all be very stressful. It is great to see people giving back to those who have lived the military life.

As our own family has made the transition out of active duty life, we know how nice it is to have a plan. We have stressed about what my husband will do during his years after the military. This opportunity can help a veteran achieve their after-military goals and allow them to have a good life while letting them use the skills they have learned in the past during their time in the service.

7-Eleven makes a great partner for veterans as it was voted Best for Veterans Franchise. In the past four years, 203, 890 new veterans and military spouses have started franchising careers and 5,608 vets have become franchise owners. In the past year alone, 50,000+ vets have found employment in the franchise industry.

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Want to know more about what it means to have a Franchise?

  • It’s turnkey – 7-Eleven will provide the store, land and equipment
  • A gross profit split means they’re invested in your success
  • You get extensive training support from franchise pros
  • Start-up is fast (3-6 months) and 7-Eleven is with you every step of the way

Sound good to you?

This is how the contest will work…

  1. Enter – fill out the form on the website to enter.
  2. Apply – apply through January 25, 2015.
  3. Finalists announced – top finalists will be announced in March 2015.
  4. Make a video – each finalist will create an impressive video explaining why he or she should be the winner.
  5. Videos are posted to Facebook – all finalist videos will be posted to the 7-Eleven Franchising Facebook page.
  6. America votes – the top three are flown to Dallas for a final interview.
  7. We have a winner! – the 7-Eleven franchise winner is announced April 13, 2015.

Remember, if you are a U.S. Veteran, you have a chance to win this. Just head to the OPERATION: TAKE COMMAND website to enter 🙂 Good luck!!!

Visit Sponsor's Site