Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military children

How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

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How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

Deployment #2, my husband left, and it was just me, my two-year-old, and my four-year-old. A deployment with two toddlers.

If you have ever had a toddler, you know how much work they can be. Toddlers are a handful, even the easy ones. And here I was home with two of them, with my husband too many miles away.

How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

I was a SAHM and didn’t have a spouse coming home at the end of the day. I didn’t have a spouse who could watch the kids for 15 minutes so that I could take a shower. A spouse that could help pick up the house after the kids went to bed. A spouse who I could have adult conversations with after the kids went to bed.

During a deployment, I didn’t have him to be home with the boys so I could go out for a few hours by myself. I didn’t have him to be home when I went out to dinner with my friends. And that part of solo parenting just made life with a toddler a little more complicated.

Whether you are a stay at home mom, with the kids at home during the day, or a working mom, whose kids go to daycare, going through a deployment with toddlers is going to be a challenge.

How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

You will have days that drain you, and days you feel like you got this.

You will have days where you wonder how you will get through, and you will have days when you know that you can. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you are going through a deployment with toddlers:

  • Find some good friends you can have playdates with. Find people you can vent to about what your kids are doing that is stressing you out. Find people who understand when you are having a bad day and just need something extra to help you smile.
  • Find fun activities you can do with your kids. See if you receive any free hours at hourly care. Hourly care will be your lifesaver. You can also trade babysitting with friends. Find a way to have some time to yourself, even if you spend it grocery shopping.
  • Remember, things will not always be this way. You won’t always be the only adult in the house. You won’t be the only one to be able to keep up with the cleaning. You won’t be the only one who is there to take care of the kids.
    How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is hard, especially when you are surrounded by other moms solo parenting their kids too. This is when trading things like babysitting or even cooking meals can be a good idea. Get creative and find ways to help one another out.
  • Don’t feel you like you have to do everything people want you to do. Family will want you to come visit, if you think traveling solo with toddlers is too much, ask if someone can come see you instead. Maybe an after deployment trip with all of you would be better. On the other hand, going home for an extended visit with your kids can allow you to have a bit of a break while your family can help you. Weigh the pros and cons and figure out what will work for you.

Deployments with kids can be difficult, no matter the age. Having a toddler is just simply tiring and being the only parent during that stage can make things more complicated. Find ways to stay busy, connect with other people, and take each day as it comes.

What helps you the most if you are going through a deployment with toddlers? What tips could you offer other moms?

 

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

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I remember feeling so torn during our first deployment. I didn’t want to do this Military life thing anymore. I didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. I didn’t want there to be so many pages of my scrapbook where dad was missing.

I started wondering if military life was worth the cost. Was it worth it for my kids to miss so much? I started wondering if despite my husband’s desire to serve, that our family needed to come first and that he shouldn’t do this anymore.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

That missing a child’s birth wasn’t worth it…

That missing their first day of kindergarten wasn’t worth it…

That leaving our kids with a stressed-out mom simply wasn’t fair…

And now all these years later I am still not sure if military life is fair to my children. It might not be. And that is a huge pill to swallow.

I can think about all the benefits of military life. I can think of all the places we have been, all the people we have met, and everything we have learned over the years.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my husband missed almost all of my son’s first year of life. That he will miss things in the future. That we will never get these years back.

Walking away from military life can seem like the right thing to do. To see that ETS date and end the military journey. To ask your spouse to pick another path.

For some, getting out of the military is the right thing to do…

For others, it isn’t that simple.

For some, serving in the military is something they have to do. That the military is a part of them. That the military is in their blood. Walking away isn’t possible.

And for the military spouse of that service member, things can be so complicated. You can’t help but wonder where you stand. You can’t help but wonder why they are okay with all the loss and heartache this life can bring.

But you also know that serving is a part of who they are, and what they have chosen as a career path. You know deep down they ache having to be away from you too. You know that they miss you like you are missing them.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

And when you remember that, when you remember that even though they choose the military, they also chose you, things get a little easier.

And from that, you can get through what comes. You can help your children through military life. You can be there, and be patient, and know that your path is okay.

Your military life may look so different from your own upbringing.

Your military life might be the opposite of what your civilian friends do.

But it’s your military life, for good or for bad.

While you might never be able to answer the question of if military life is fair to your kids, you know your kids will be able to make it through the challenges, with you by their side.

You might never be able to get those years back but the memories you make when you are together are priceless.

You might not ever have a “normal” life because you married a service member, but you are committed to still living a good one, however that looks.

Don’t be afraid to seek out help during this life. I have many different blog posts here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life on deployments, pcsing, and military life in general.

I have a Facebook group, filled with other military spouses who understand.

Check out your local communities to see what is available.

Join your FRG, local MOPS group, or find another way to connect with other military spouses that works for you.

Raising children in the military is, of course, going to be challenging, there is no sense in sugar-coating that. You want the best for your children, and when you realize they are missing out, that doesn’t feel like the best.

You might feel guilty about certain parts of this lifestyle, you might wish you could go back and give them something they missed out on, and you might not ever feel 100% about the choice to be a military family.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

But in the end, if the love of your life is committed to the military, you can be too. No matter how rocky the road might be.

You can find recourses to help, you can be your children’s steady in a world that doesn’t seem so, and you can take everything one day at a time.

As a mom, you will always do what you can to help your children through life. This doesn’t change just because you are a military family. Every family has challenges, the military life might just be yours.

What are your best tips for raising kids in the military?

Greg Lato, Navy Veteran, Family Music Artist, and Children’s Book Author Shares About His Inspiration For Latest Album

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Greg Lato

I am an award-winning family music artist and children’s book author who is highlighting and amplifying the voices of military kids and families with a special new project. I have recorded a children’s music album featuring songs inspired by conversations with military families. The experience of hearing their stories and what they go through was amazing! The album features military kids, active-duty musicians, and veterans.  

The album, titled ‘Dandelion: Songs Inspired by Military Kids and Families, ’ got its name because the dandelion is the official flower of the military child. It represents the resilience and adaptability of military children. The title track features a military kids choir from CAMMO (Center for American Military Music Opportunities) in Virginia. 

I am no stranger to military life, I was an aircraft firefighter on the flight deck of the USS Constellation aircraft carrier in the United States Navy for 4 years.   

As a military veteran, I have learned how important it is for people from many different backgrounds to come together in a meaningful and positive way to navigate change and accomplish a common goal. The song ‘Shine So Bright’ featuring military kids from Portsmouth, Rhode Island School highlights this idea that together we are stronger, it takes a village to be heard, and being brave is our superpower. Like military veteran and spouse Joshua Chiarini said during our conversation with his military family, “Freedom is not free!” The song ‘Bigger Than Me’ features the sentiment about being involved in something bigger than yourself. 

The journey that this project has taken me on has gone beyond my expectations. It has run the gamut of emotions from heartfelt to happy and everywhere in between. There are a lot of themes on the album that are central to the military family experience. Moving from place to place, meeting new friends, constantly being the new kid, dealing with a spouse and parent that is away, and the wonderful support system that they encounter wherever they go. Songs like ‘Home Is Not a Place’ and ‘Hi, I’m New Here!’, a duet with 14-year-old military kid Kaleyana Ludwig, highlight these common experiences. The song ‘Helping Out’, a duet with Iraq War veteran and fellow children’s artist Mr. Pete’s Playhouse, is about the kids helping to hold down the fort at home while a parent is deployed.             

For example, the kids in the Kiser and Rivers families have not stayed in one school for more than a couple of years. They were asked how they deal with the constant change in their young lives, and ultimately, what does home mean to them as a result of it? Whether it is keeping family traditions alive by bringing their Christmas decorations to each location, family game nights, or like Cecilia Rivers says, “Hearing the birds chirp wherever we have lived makes me feel like nothing’s changed.”     

For 11-year-old Elly Clague, who lost her Navy veteran dad to PTSD, she goes to the Dare to Dream therapy ranch, which she calls her ‘happy place’. Riding the horses and interacting with the animals brings her comfort. Elly says, “Getting to bond and hang out with animals, it calms me down and makes me happy.” The song ‘Smile’ was a result of this experience and features two active-duty Navy musicians, Michael Brehm and Justin Lockett, on horns.           

Some songs have nothing to do with the military experience specifically, but are more universal things that the families enjoy, just like any other family. The first single ‘Old School New School’ is about how the parents teach their kids about the old school, while the kids teach their parents about the new school. The music video features 14 military kids! 

My last album ‘Adults These Days’ reached the top 10 on the iTunes Children’s Music Chart. My first children’s album ‘Create My Own World’ has won a Family Choice Award and a Creative Child Award. My songs are featured on Apple Music playlists and have over a million streams! I have also released two children’s books, ‘Try’ and ‘Everybody Needs Someone’. 

Family Music Artist, Children’s Book Author and Navy Veteran Greg Lato

You can find more info about the project at www.greglatodandelion.com. My handle for all socials is @greglatomusic.

A Letter To My Son With Autism On World Autism Awareness Day

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In January of 2012, we sat in the doctor’s office and heard what we had suspected about our then five-year-old son. After three or four months of testing, meeting with the doctor, and answering questions about him, our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s.

As we were waiting to hear what his diagnosis was, I did my own research and came to the same conclusion. It was the only thing that made any sense. My biggest fear going into that appointment was not that he would tell me what was wrong with my son, it was that he would tell me nothing was wrong because I knew in my heart something was.

Asperger’s. Autism. High functioning Autism. A different type of life. Special needs. ABA. Fits. Misunderstandings. Love.

On April 2nd, World Autism Awareness Day, I wanted to write to my son. He is 18 now, and we have come so far since that day in 2012, but I know that we have a long way to go.

I wrote this letter to him when he was 11, right before we started into the teen years.

A Letter To My Son With Autism On World Autism Awareness Day

To my little boy,

First of all, I have to tell you how much I love you. I still remember the day you were born, right in the middle of your Dad’s deployment. I remember they gave you to me and we had to wait for them to move us to the recovery room. And when it was time to do that, they wheeled us there on the bed, and I felt like a queen in a parade, holding my new bundle.

That day, that night, I had no idea what our journey of mother and son would take us. Would you be like your older brother? Would you be like me? Like your dad?

As you grew, I watched you closely. I was concerned about speech delays, which your brother struggled with. But you didn’t seem to have any issues there. You started talking, and I thought everything was going along the way things should.

Then we moved to Tennessee, and as you grew from a young toddler to a preschooler, my mommy heart started to worry. I began to notice how hard playing with other kids was. Sometimes you destroyed the castles they had built out of blocks. Sometimes you yelled at them. Sometimes you hit. And when we asked you why you told us it was because they were doing it wrong.

I wondered what I was doing wrong as a parent. I wondered what else I should be doing.

Then I told myself all kids could hit at that age. Preschoolers aren’t exactly known for their sharing abilities. I told myself that you were having a difficult time because you had never been to daycare before, that you were just not used to being around so many kids. We had playdates, but I didn’t leave you as often back then.

As you started at a regular preschool, I knew in my heart something wasn’t quite right. I knew you were struggling there. But why? Why were you always getting in trouble? What was going on?

That’s when we decided we needed to figure out what was going on. Your regular doctor didn’t think anything was going on at first, but I pushed. I had to. I needed answers. And then that day in January, we got them.

Asperger’s. That is what you had. That was what you would be dealing with. That is what would make you you.

We started with ABA, and they helped us so very much. You started kindergarten and with that all types of new challenges. You didn’t want to go to school; you didn’t see why you had to be there.

But we worked hard, so hard. The years went by, and as they did, I got to watch you grow. Before, when the bus came to pick you up, you would resist. Now, you run out there on your own.

This isn’t to say we don’t still have challenges, we do. But what once was an everyday struggle, changed to once a week and these days more like a once a month of that type of struggle. As I look back over the years, I know you are going to be okay because we have come so far already.

I know that school is hard for you, but I also know that you can do school. You can get through it, and you can make it work for you.

I know that making friends is hard for you too, but I also see that you want to reach out and that you will find your people too. I know you will.

I am so thankful you and your older brother are best friends. I hope that you can have that with your younger brother someday too. Your brothers will always be there for you, they have your back, and they want the best for you too.

I love seeing you excited and happy about something. Sometimes that is Disneyland, other times it is when you figure out how to get through a video game or when we stop and check out the cats at the pet store.

I know that you have your dad’s sense of humor. Sometimes this is hard to see, through the everyday struggles, but it is there.

I know sometimes life is harder for you than it should be for an 11-year-old.

On those days I wish I could grab you up and take you away from all the hard things life brings. But the truth is, you need to work through them. But as you do, you know you will always have me by your side. I will always be there to listen and to help you get through it, whatever the struggle might be.

I am not sure what life will be like for you as an adult. I am not sure what will be hard for you and what won’t be a challenge anymore. I do know that you will go on and do great things. I know this. 

I am so proud of how far you have come. You work hard to make your way in this world, even when you don’t understand it. Even when it doesn’t make any sense to you.

Always remember that your Dad and I love you and will always be there for you. To walk with you through this life, and be there to help when we can.

Love to you forever,

Mom.

Do you have a child on the autism spectrum too?

When You Are Raising a Military Child

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When You Are Raising a Military Child

They have had to say goodbye to at least one parent, not fully understanding when they will see them again. Not fully understanding where they have to go, or why they have to be away for so long. Not totally getting what it means to serve your country.

They have to say goodbye to the dad that makes them laugh, or the mom who helps them with their homework. To their protector, and one of the people they trust the most. And the goodbye is never an easy one.

They go through deployments, day-by-day, just like we do, but this life was never a choice for them. It was the one they were born into, and the life that they know.

They can get scared, and worried about their deployed parent. War is never easy to understand, and even harder for a child to do so. And as much as we are there to comfort them, we wonder if it is enough. We wonder how much missing a parent, for months at a time, will affect them.

This post contains affliate links!

Deployment Journal for Kids by Rachel Robertson!

They have to start over, every few years, when they might not totally understand why. When they don’t want to go. When you know they will be missing their friends for years to come.

They move with us, and have to start over just like we do. And if they aren’t the ones to be moving this year, some of their friends might have to. There will always be someone PCSing in their friend circle.

One minute they are playing soccer together, laughing about something little boys do. The next, their friend is on an airplane and your heart breaks when they ask if they can still come to their next birthday party.

Our military children, so strong, so resilient, and yet sometimes it feels like we can’t help them enough. That we can’t comfort them enough. That we, alone are not enough.

Some of us raising these kids were military brats and understand what this is like. These parents remember the moves and the goodbyes. Some of us never moved as a child, and always had a parent in the home, not even going away on a business trip. All of this is just a very different way to live.

Every time we move to a new duty station, we pray for friends for our kids. We pray for stability. And we hope for a good experience.

We think about everything thing our military children have been able to experience because their mom or dad serves in the military. We think about how they were able to visit over 10 countries before they even started kindergarten, or how they were born in another country, with stories and pictures to share for years to come.

We think about all the different people they have had the pleasure to meet over the years. They might not remember the family you spent so much time with when they were toddlers, but you do, and you will always have those photos and memories that you can share as your children grow older.

These military children might have to say goodbye more times in their short lives than you ever would have dreamed. But somehow, they get through each and every one. Somehow, you all work together. Somehow.

And while military life can be so difficult sometimes, these military children are the special ones. They are being raised by our nation’s heroes, are involved in such a diverse and amazing community, and will go on to do some amazing things in the future because of it.

Us military spouses are the backbone and the constant in their lives. We won’t deploy, and we will always be there to hold their hands. We can’t replace our spouse, nor would we want to, but we can be the bridge that helps them through, anything that comes their way.

We hope that when our children are grown, they will remember the good. The trip to Disneyland after dad’s deployment, the move to Germany on their 5th birthday, or the community of friends and loved ones that surrounded them when they had to be so far away from their own grandparents and cousins.

We hope that the scary times don’t overshadow the good ones. We hope that they become stronger through all of this. And we know that no matter what, we love them, their service member parent loves them, and the military community will always be there for them, no matter where they go in this world.

 My Friends and I For Military Children

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 My Friends and I For Military Children
I receive a free copy of this book for review!
This post contains affiliate links!

A Book for Military Children

Last year, friend of the military Birgit Sund published her book, “My Friends and I” and I think it is perfect for military children. The book is considered a “friendship book” and is modeled after the popular German book, “Freundebuch.”

 My Friends and I For Military Children

Within the book, your child will find a bunch of pages that they can have their friends fill out. Each page has questions such as where they live, what pets they have, and what their favorites are. There is also a place for a photo. This book would make the perfect memory book for your child as you or their friends move around during military life.

From Amazon,

“My Friends and I is a one-of-a-kind, fun, interactive, timeless memory book for children ages 5-12, that travels from friend to friend, who will answer questions like: What is your favorite food? What do you like to do in your free time? What songs do you like to listen to? What books do you like to read? What do you want to be when you grow up? A picture box allows them to insert a photograph of themselves or to draw a picture of their own. The book has room for 40 family members, friends, classmates, teachers, coaches, or any other person in the little book owner’s life.”

 My Friends and I For Military Children

And the illustrations are so cute too!

Where can you buy My Friends and I?

Visit the website, use the code: JULIE, and receive 20% off or you can purchase from Amazon!

12 Memes About Military Kids

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12 Memes About Military Kids 12 Memes About Military Kids

April is the month of the military child. These boys and girls live a different type of life but they are resilient and can benefit from military life too. Here are 12 memes about parenting and military children.

Military children

It’s hard to plan when you don’t know where you will be living in a few years.

Military children

Yep, sometimes with these kids, cereal is the best thing to serve for dinner.

Military children

This really is one of the hardest parts. You need to be there to comfort your child when they are missing their mom or dad so badly. At the same time, you are hurting too.

Military children

Yes! Love those Daddy Dolls!

Military children

Now wouldn’t that solve so many problems?

Military children

The new school year at a new school can be pretty scary.
Be there for your child as they start and go through the process of making friends again.

Military children

A week isn’t too long for the military child that is used to having to wait a lot longer.

Military children

Yep! Each of my kids was born in a different place!

Military children

Seriously! When you have to go months and months without family time, you know how special it really is.

Military children

Yep! Such is the life of the military brat.

Military children

Yep, even grosser than a dirty diaper.

Military Children

And when Mom or Dad gets home from the deployment, the kids will get their parent back and there will be nothing but smiles. Seeing them together after so much time apart is a wonderful feeling.

As you make your way through this military life, your kids will be there right alongside you. Be there for them and help them through any struggle that they have. Keep them busy when your spouse is away and make memories together even if someone is missing. They will enjoy talking about what fun they had with your deployed spouse. Remind them that they serve too and they are blessed to be the children of those who have signed up to serve their country.

Just a Post About Our Military Kids

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Military Life With Military Kids

I was holding him, my young son. Just 13 months old. Everything was about to change for him, for us. His Dad, who had been there since day one, was leaving to join the Army.

I was holding him as we waved goodbye. Holding him as we entered into this new life. And I promised him I would always be there, and we would get through everything together.

I didn’t know at the time that it would take closer to five months to join my husband than the one month we were told. I didn’t know at the time how this transition from a civilian family with normal working hours to a military one in the midst of a season of solo parenting would change me.

I didn’t know what was ahead for him. Or for me. Or for any future children we would have.

Over the years, our family has been through deployments, a couple of PCS moves, and what seems like an endless amount of other types of separations.

My husband missed the birth of our second son, and we were not sure if he would end up missing the birth of our third. As a military spouse, I have had to go through many different parenting milestones alone, from potty training to making sure my son got the right diagnosis.

Just a Post About Our Military Kids

As April is the month of the military child, April is a good month to think back about your own military children and how their lives have been shaped by having at least one parent in the military. How some seasons have been easier for them than others. And how you have all grown together over the years.

We hear that military children are resilient, and they are, but that doesn’t mean the road has been easy. There have been tears, and sometimes we don’t know quite how to handle them.

There have also been adventures, so many adventures, from being able to travel the world at a young age, to experiencing other cultures, many that other Americans don’t get to do until they are deep into their adult years.

Military children learn how to make friends, playing with others at the playground, and being able to be the new kid time and time again. From having to say goodbye to a best friend they might not actually remember in the years to come, to being the one who stays behind.

Military children have to go months, sometimes over a year, without one parent in the house. This can be difficult for the children, maybe too young to understand, and for the older ones, who feel the missing parent on a day-to-day basis.

Military children might not feel like there is one place they can call home, or maybe they will, as one duty station draws them in more than any other. As they look back on their childhood, there will be so many homes and experiences to think about.

Whether your children were born into this life, or they joined along with you at a older age, they will be able to watch their parent put on the uniform and serve their country. They might not have chosen this life, but they can embrace it, through their own military life journey.

Each PCS might not get a little easier, each goodbye might just seem harder than the last, but just as we do as military spouses, military children figure out what works best, and find ways to get through each difficult situation.

They will take what they have learned into their adult years, into future careers, and relationships with friends and family. They will have so many memories to share, and friends in all areas of the world. A military life can be overall amazing, and we hope our children understand and can embrace that as we try to do.

What has been your biggest adventure with your own military kids?