Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military children

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

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I remember feeling so torn during our first deployment. I didn’t want to do this Military life thing anymore. I didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. I didn’t want there to be so many pages of my scrapbook where dad was missing.

I started wondering if military life was worth the cost. Was it worth it for my kids to miss so much? I started wondering if despite my husband’s desire to serve, that our family needed to come first and that he shouldn’t do this anymore.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

That missing a child’s birth wasn’t worth it…

That missing their first day of kindergarten wasn’t worth it…

That leaving our kids with a stressed-out mom simply wasn’t fair…

And now all these years later I am still not sure if military life is fair to my children. It might not be. And that is a huge pill to swallow.

I can think about all the benefits of military life. I can think of all the places we have been, all the people we have met, and everything we have learned over the years.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my husband missed almost all of my son’s first year of life. That he will miss things in the future. That we will never get these years back.

Walking away from military life can seem like the right thing to do. To see that ETS date and end the military journey. To ask your spouse to pick another path.

For some, getting out of the military is the right thing to do…

For others, it isn’t that simple.

For some, serving in the military is something they have to do. That the military is a part of them. That the military is in their blood. Walking away isn’t possible.

And for the military spouse of that service member, things can be so complicated. You can’t help but wonder where you stand. You can’t help but wonder why they are okay with all the loss and heartache this life can bring.

But you also know that serving is a part of who they are, and what they have chosen as a career path. You know deep down they ache having to be away from you too. You know that they miss you like you are missing them.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

And when you remember that, when you remember that even though they choose the military, they also chose you, things get a little easier.

And from that, you can get through what comes. You can help your children through military life. You can be there, and be patient, and know that your path is okay.

Your military life may look so different from your own upbringing.

Your military life might be the opposite of what your civilian friends do.

But it’s your military life, for good or for bad.

While you might never be able to answer the question of if military life is fair to your kids, you know your kids will be able to make it through the challenges, with you by their side.

You might never be able to get those years back but the memories you make when you are together are priceless.

You might not ever have a “normal” life because you married a service member, but you are committed to still living a good one, however that looks.

Don’t be afraid to seek out help during this life. I have many different blog posts here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life on deployments, pcsing, and military life in general.

I have a Facebook group, filled with other military spouses who understand.

Check out your local communities to see what is available.

Join your FRG, local MOPS group, or find another way to connect with other military spouses that works for you.

Raising children in the military is, of course, going to be challenging, there is no sense in sugar-coating that. You want the best for your children, and when you realize they are missing out, that doesn’t feel like the best.

You might feel guilty about certain parts of this lifestyle, you might wish you could go back and give them something they missed out on, and you might not ever feel 100% about the choice to be a military family.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

But in the end, if the love of your life is committed to the military, you can be too. No matter how rocky the road might be.

You can find recourses to help, you can be your children’s steady in a world that doesn’t seem so, and you can take everything one day at a time.

As a mom, you will always do what you can to help your children through life. This doesn’t change just because you are a military family. Every family has challenges, the military life might just be yours.

What are your best tips for raising kids in the military?

How You Can Help Your Children Through a PCS

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How You Can Help Your Children Through a PCS

One of the challenges of raising kids in a military family is having to move more often than civilian families. A lot of military families move once every three to four years, sometimes even every two years, or less. As a parent, you want to figure out how to best help your children through a PCS.

This means that many military children attend many different schools and are often the new kid or having to make new friends because all of their friends moved away. This part of the military life can be a struggle.

As a parent, how do you help your children through a PCS?

How do you help them understand that this is all apart of your lifestyle?

What can you do to make PCSing every few years easier for them?

Helping Your Children Through a PCS Before You Leave

  • If your children are quite young, you probably won’t be sitting down with them about the PCS. You will just be working to try to make the process a smooth one. They might notice changes in their home and that is important to recognize as well.
  • For an older child, you will want to let them know what is going to be happening ahead of time. Then they have time to get used to the idea and spend some time with friends that they are going to have to say goodbye to.
  • Get them excited about their future home and new duty station. Let them know some of the fun things you can do when you get there that you can’t in your current area. Let them help with picking out a new place to live or which room they will have. Give them a little bit of control when you can give it to them.
  • Having a goodbye party might be a good idea too. Your kids can invite their friends for one last party. A goodbye party can be a way for them to say goodbye to all of their friends, and make a few memories while doing so.

Helping Your Children Through a PCS After You Arrive at Your New Duty Station

  • After you get to your new location, explain to your kids what they can expect at their new school. This is especially important if you move in the middle of the school year. School-age kids are going to want to know what they are walking into.
  • Find out exactly what they are nervous about and talk things over with them. That will go a long way in helping them get used to their new surroundings. They might have worries and fears you haven’t thought about and good communication is the best way to work through them.
  • Make sure you are taking them places to meet new friends once you get to your new home. Check your local MWR for kid’s activities and events to go to. If you have smaller kids, you can take them to the park because most likely there will be other kids to interact with there, and maybe other parents for you to meet too.

The most important thing is that they know that you are in control of their future, even if you are not totally sure what it looks like. Your kids will look up to you and will want to know that everything is going to be okay. Let them talk to you about what they are feeling and do your best to help them out.

Keep in mind that each of your children might handle the PCS differently. You could have one child be completely chill about everything and another bothered by any type of change.

The truth is, you know your own children, their personalities and what they might need. You can apply this to a PCS just like you would any other situation. That is going to be the best way to help your children through a PCS.

Here are a few helpful links to help your children through a PCS:

Are you moving to a new duty station soon?


How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

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How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

Deployment #2, my husband left, and it was just me, my two-year-old, and my four-year-old. A deployment with two toddlers.

If you have ever had a toddler, you know how much work they can be. Toddlers are a handful, even the easy ones. And here I was home with two of them, with my husband too many miles away.

How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

I was a SAHM and didn’t have a spouse coming home at the end of the day. I didn’t have a spouse who could watch the kids for 15 minutes so that I could take a shower. A spouse that could help pick up the house after the kids went to bed. A spouse who I could have adult conversations with after the kids went to bed.

During a deployment, I didn’t have him to be home with the boys so I could go out for a few hours by myself. I didn’t have him to be home when I went out to dinner with my friends. And that part of solo parenting just made life with a toddler a little more complicated.

Whether you are a stay at home mom, with the kids at home during the day, or a working mom, whose kids go to daycare, going through a deployment with toddlers is going to be a challenge.

How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers

You will have days that drain you, and days you feel like you got this.

You will have days where you wonder how you will get through, and you will have days when you know that you can. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you are going through a deployment with toddlers:

  • Find some good friends you can have playdates with. Find people you can vent to about what your kids are doing that is stressing you out. Find people who understand when you are having a bad day and just need something extra to help you smile.
  • Find fun activities you can do with your kids. See if you receive any free hours at hourly care. Hourly care will be your lifesaver. You can also trade babysitting with friends. Find a way to have some time to yourself, even if you spend it grocery shopping.
  • Remember, things will not always be this way. You won’t always be the only adult in the house. You won’t be the only one to be able to keep up with the cleaning. You won’t be the only one who is there to take care of the kids.
    How to Get Through a Deployment With Toddlers
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is hard, especially when you are surrounded by other moms solo parenting their kids too. This is when trading things like babysitting or even cooking meals can be a good idea. Get creative and find ways to help one another out.
  • Don’t feel you like you have to do everything people want you to do. Family will want you to come visit, if you think traveling solo with toddlers is too much, ask if someone can come see you instead. Maybe an after deployment trip with all of you would be better. On the other hand, going home for an extended visit with your kids can allow you to have a bit of a break while your family can help you. Weigh the pros and cons and figure out what will work for you.

Deployments with kids can be difficult, no matter the age. Having a toddler is just simply tiring and being the only parent during that stage can make things more complicated. Find ways to stay busy, connect with other people, and take each day as it comes.

What helps you the most if you are going through a deployment with toddlers? What tips could you offer other moms?

 

Santa’s Dog and Bandana Giveaway

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Santa’s Dog and Bandana Giveaway

If you caught me on social media in September, you might have seen a post about Santa’s Dog. This book was written by JoAnn Sky and illustrated by Ed Koehler. JoAnn has offered up an awesome giveaway for my readers 🙂

Santa’s Dog is a rhyming story about the adventures of Santa’s best dog, Lance. He falls from the sleigh on Christmas Eve and is taken in by the animal shelter and then brought home by a military family who needs some help as Dad is called to serve his country. When Christmas Eve comes, Lance must decide whether to return to the North Pole with Santa or stay with the family.

Santa’s Dog is perfect for all children, dog lovers, and military families.

JoAnn Sky is an award-winning author who writes adult contemporary romance, young adult romance, and children’s stories. Originally from the midwest, JoAnn lives in Northern Nevada with her family and three crazy rescue dogs. 

Now for the giveaway. We will be giving away TWO copies of the book Santa’s Dog, each one with a bandana. One will be red, one will be green.

Santa'a DogHow do you enter?

Simple, leave a comment letting me know how old your military children are 🙂 US/APO addresses only! 

This giveaway will go until Thursday, October 26th, 2018, 11:59 pm and a winner will be picked the next day!

Good luck 🙂

And if you would like more information about Santa’s Dog, please visit Dogs and Books 🙂

You can also visit JoAnn Sky’s site or Ed Koehler’s site. 

7 Must Have Baby Products For Your New Baby

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7 Must Have Baby Products For Your New Baby

This post is sponsored by the Breastfeeding Shop

7 Must Have Baby Products For Your New Baby

Getting ready for a new baby is always a whole lot of fun and with a new baby comes new baby products. Some you need, some you don’t.

When you go to register for your baby shower, you can become quite overwhelmed by everything that is out there. What kind of stroller should you get? Which type of crib? Do you even need to buy a swing? There are so many options!

And while it is true you don’t need everything, even if everyone else on the block has it, there are some baby products that are a must, and that you don’t want to live without.

Here is my list of 7 must have baby products for your new baby:

Bassinet/Co-sleeper

All babies need a place to sleep. For me, I loved having them in my room with me at first so they started off in a co-sleeper and eventually moved to a crib months later. Having this by my bed was good for me and for them. I also liked having a safe place for them to go when I needed to take a shower or put them down so I could get things done. One of our co-sleepers turned into a Pack N Play which was also very handy once they were a little older.

Crib

While we didn’t use a crib right away, having one was a must. As they got older, I knew they would be safe there and would be able to sleep. Cribs come in all types of styles and designs so you should be able to find one you love. Having a crib that turned into a toddler bed is also a good idea because that means when they do hit the age where they can climb out, you can turn the crib into a toddler bed and not have to buy anything else for a few more years.

Auto-ship diapers

This was something we only had with my youngest son but having diapers come to your house on a regular basis is a must. No more running out at night to grab a pack, or always making sure you add them to your shopping list. My Diaper Shop is a good place to set that up and make things a little easier even before baby comes. With this service, you can choose from two different brands of diapers, Comfees, and Cuties, and set things up to deliver to your home as often as you need them.

7 Must Have Baby Products For Your New Baby

Breast Pump

Having a good working breast pump for your new baby is a must. If you have TRICARE you are able to receive one no-cost breast pump per birth event. You can do this through The Breastfeeding Shop. They offer a great selection of pumps and you can easily order yours right from their website or app.

Stroller

A stroller was must for me so that I could go on walks, have a place for them to be during appointments or even playdates for my older children. A double stroller saved my life during those early years as my older two boys are just about two years apart. Find one that fits your needs and has good ratings and talk to your friends about what they have used and loved.

7 Must Have Baby Products For Your New Baby

Baby carrier

Finding a good baby carrier is also a must. There are many different types of slings or other babywearing items. You might want to buy a couple of different types for different reasons. Try a few out, and see what works for you and your lifestyle. Some people babywear all the time, others only when they go out. I know when my youngest was born and I had a 4 and 6-year-old, my baby carrier was a must that allowed me to have two free hands when I had to take all three of them to the store.

Swing

Although I didn’t use the swing for very long, having one helped so much in those early months. I used a few different swings and my favorite was the one that had many different options for the type of movement they would create for the baby. Often times I could use the swing to put them down for a nap or to calm them down when nothing else worked.

For more information on your TRICARE benefit breast pump, please visit these blog posts too:

What You Need To Know About Ordering Your TRICARE Benefit Breast Pump Accessories and Supplies

FAQs About Your TRICARE Benefit Breast Pump Through The Breastfeeding Shop

Why You Don’t Have to Buy Bottles For Your Breast Pump

Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing by Julia Cook

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Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing by Julia Cook

If you are raising military children you might always be on the lookout for books that can help them through the challenges of military life, such as deployments. I was sent one of these books for review!

Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing by Julia Cook

Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing by national award-winning children’s author, Julia Cook, Illustrated by Tamara Campeau is a fantastic way to explore deployments from a child’s point of view.

The book goes with the idea that everyone in the family is a puzzle piece. I like this because families do have to work together, no matter what. You all have to fit and as life goes along, you form a complete picture.

Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing by Julia Cook

However, when one parent has to deploy, things change a bit. You feel like apart of your family is missing. You feel like a puzzle without all of its pieces.

Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing by Julia Cook

The book goes on to show the dad puzzle piece coming home and the struggles that can bring to a family as well. The dad puzzle doesn’t just go right back to where he was. And the rest of the family has changed a bit too.

This book really gives a good picture of what happens during and after a deployment in a way that children can truly understand.

In the back of the book, you can find “Tips For Helping Kids With Deployment” which is a great resource to have too.

Please visit these links to learn more and purchase a book for your own military children:

Julia Cook

Deployment One of Our Pieces is Missing 

BUT WAIT…

Before you go…they also gave me TWO copies to giveaway to two of my readers 🙂

Enter this giveaway by leaving a comment telling me who the book would be for. This giveaway will run until Tuesday, June 5th, 2018, 11:59 pm.

US and APO addresses only! 

101 Things to Do With Your Kids During a Deployment

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101 Things to Do With Your Kids During a Deployment

So your spouse just deployed and you and your kids are in for a long journey. You look at how many months you have to get through, and you want to cry. How will you deal with this? How will you be able to stay busy enough to make it through?

If you have children, they will keep you busy. But sometimes you might need some ideas. Especially as the deployment goes on.

101 Things to Do With Your Kids During a Deployment

Here are 101 things you can do with your kids during a deployment:

1.  Create a deployment wall

2. Put together a care package

3. Write mom or dad a letter

4. Go to the park

5. Meet friends for dinner

6. Go for a walk

7. Go for a bike ride

8. Go fly kites in the park

9. Go pick out a new movie to watch together

10. Go to the movies

11. Have a picnic

12. Check out a new restaurant

13. Plan a trip

14. Go on a trip

15. Try Space-A

16. Learn to bake together

17. Plan an after deployment trip

18. Visit a new friend

19. Visit a long time friend

20. Visit family

21. Do crafts together

22. Reorganize rooms

23. Have a garage sale

24. Go to an MWR event

101 Things to Do With Your Kids During a Deployment

25. Join the YMCA

26. Go to church

27. Go to the library

28. Go bowling

29. Play miniature golf

 

30. Go roller skating

31. Go for a hike

32. Play dress up

33. Play with Legos

34. Go to Tinkergarden

35. Go out for ice cream

36. Volunteer

37. Go to a splash park

38. Go to MOPS

39. Go to a playgroup

40. Take your camera and go on a photo shoot

41. Go on a retreat

42. Take a train ride

43. Go to Disneyland

44. Go to Walt Disney World

45. Go to Sea World

46. Go to Universal Studios

47. Go to the zoo

48. Explore your city

49. Explore another city close by

101 Things to Do With Your Kids During a Deployment

50. Plan a day trip with friends

51. Walk the dog

 

52. Play with sidewalk chalk

53. Run in the sprinklers

54. Have a Harry Potter movie marathon

55. Have a Marvel movie marathon

56. Have a Star Wars movie marathon

57. Sign up for a fun run

58. Take a cupcake decorating class together

 

59.  Geocaching

60. Hunt for rocks

61. Visit the animals at your local animal shelter

62. Browse a bookstore

63. Get your nails done

64. Go fishing

65. Go shopping

66. Make a video for mom or dad

67. Go to an FRG meeting or event

68. Go on a nature walk

69. Go camping with friends

70. Have a regular pizza night

71. Go strawberry picking

72. Go to a play or musical

73. Go to a farm

74. Go for a drive

101 Things to Do With Your Kids During a Deployment

75. Go to an indoor play place

76. Get smoothies

77. Get slushies

78. Look at wildflowers

79. Go shoe shopping

80. Go back to school shopping

81. Go on a boat ride

82. Walk around your downtown area

83. Go to a farmer’s market

84. Go to a trampoline park

85. Go to Chuck E.Cheese

86. Invite friends over

87. Go to a friend’s house

88. Make a scrapbook

89. Read a book together

90. Play a video game together

91. Go to Target

92. Go to the dollar store

93. Go to yard sales

94. Go to the Disney store

95. Go to Build-a-Bear

96. Go to the beach

97. Go to the pool

98. Go to the lake

99. Go to a dog park

100. Take professional photos

101. Breathe, you guys will make it through this deployment!

What do you and your kids like to do during a deployment?

 

How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

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How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

When my husband deployed for the first time my oldest son was 23 months old and I was 25 weeks pregnant. I was a new mom with some parenting experience under my belt. I was still learning a lot, and we were slowly leaving the baby stage. And just like that, it was just my son and me.

A few months later our 2nd little boy was born. My husband came home for R&R and met him when he was three days old. He left again when he was almost three weeks and didn’t come home again for 11 months.

During all this time I was a solo parent. My husband was overseas, fighting in a war and I was in charge of two little boys. I was still growing and learning as a parent, but I didn’t get the chance to do that with my husband. I did this by myself, and that changed so much about the way I would parent in the years to come.

How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

We have been through other deployments since but there is just something about that deployment that sticks out to me. Something about that deployment changed me into the person I am today, into the parent I am today. That deployment was about survival for me, getting through each and every day.

Every day I had to make sure everyone was fed, clothed and got enough sleep. Once bedtime came, I felt like I had accomplished something big. I always feel that way during a deployment but especially during that first one.

That long deployment taught me a few things about parenting that stick with me to this day.

Long Deployment

You Have To Let Things Go

There are so many parenting choices out there. From breastfeeding vs. formula, to how you give birth and how you discipline. What I learned during deployments was that the little debates we have don’t matter. You have to do what is right for you.

I can’t beat myself up if a parenting choice isn’t going to work for us anymore. As long as my children are being taken care of and being raised in a loving home, nothing else really matters. I couldn’t do everything, and I was only one person.

Don’t Judge Other Parents

We all have our circumstances and different experiences which shape us into who we are. We all have reasons for why we do the things we do as a parent. We might not totally understand why other parents do things the way they do, but as long as they are not abusing or hurting their child, we shouldn’t be judging them about their own parenting journeys. Most parents are trying to do what is best and we should respect that.

Things Would Be Different If My Husband Never Had To Go Away

I think things would be very different for me if my husband never had to go away, especially for over a year when my kids were so small. I would have an extra person to bounce ideas off of. Potty training with my oldest wouldn’t have taken so long. I probably would have been able to breastfeed for a little longer, and life would be a little calmer during those years.

But my husband is in the Army, so he does have to go away for periods of time. I have to work with this and do the best I can. I can’t spend too much energy beating myself up for the choices I have made during deployments. There are other lives we could be living, but those lives are not where we are. 

long deployment

My parenting is always evolving. Based on the kids and our experiences. Based on when my husband is home and when he isn’t. Things are always changing, and I am always surprised by each stage. I never truly know how our family will handle them or how much my husband would be a part of that stage of our lives.

As I look ahead at another possible deployment and the ages my kids will be, I know that deployment will be very different from the one we went through back in 2006 and 2007. We will have different challenges and even if I don’t want to, I might have to handle some of those alone.

I could easily look back over the years and call myself a bad parent. My kids watched too much tv and have probably had too much pizza. They don’t always get to do all the things they could do if we had always had two parents in the home. That is our life, and as they get older, I can see more and more that they will look back on their childhoods with good and happy memories.

The 15-month deployment we went through set me up for my years of parenting, for good or for bad. Going through that has made me the mom and the person I am today. For good and for bad. I want to embrace that instead of crying over what else could have been.

How has parenting changed for you because of deployments?

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