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The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

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Last week was a killer for me. Not only did I lose my iPhone to a pool accident, but my car had a lot of issues, and my best friend here at Ft. Campbell moved away. We met in the summer of 2011 and became fast friends. A few of our boys are best buddies, too. I knew it was coming. I knew she would be leaving right when summer started. I didn’t want to think about it too much because it made me sad, but I knew it was there.

When you are in the military community, you know people are going to move all the time. Sometimes you find someone, hit it off, only to find out they are moving in a few months. This has happened to me several times. But spending almost 4 years together is such a treat. It doesn’t happen often, and I am so happy it happened with us.

But last week I had to say goodbye and it was hard. When it was time to say that last, “see you later…” it seemed a little unreal. Even though I knew it was coming, it was hard to let go.

The last time I said goodbye to a friend like this, I was the one moving. This was the first time I was the one staying, and it feels a little different. While she is on to her next adventure, I am still here trying to find my place now that she’s gone.

I have gone through some stages during the last few months, stages I think anyone who has said goodbye to a dear friend has been through.

Getting the news

This is when you first find out your friend is moving. Their spouse got orders. They have an ETS date. They know when they will be leaving the area.

You take it in stride. You don’t worry too much about it because it is 3 months, 6 months, maybe a year into the future. You feel like you have plenty of time before you have to say goodbye. Plus, things change a lot. Nothing is certain in military life until it happens.

It is coming

So your friend tells you they now have a move-out date, plane tickets, or a range of days they will be leaving the area. This is really going to happen. Your friend is really going to move.

This is when you start to worry about life after they have gone. Who will you sit around and talk about everything and nothing with? Who will you call when you need an emergency babysitter? Who will you make plans with when your husbands are both away or working?

You start to panic a little at the thought. But still. Since it is still weeks away, you try not to get too sad about it.

The Moving Truck

This is real, folks. You see the move with your own eyes. When you walk into your friend’s house, you no longer see that couch you used to sit on when you talked about the ills of the world; you see empty spaces and boxes. You see movers and packing lists, and you realize that they are, in fact, moving and it will be soon. That they really are PCSing away from you.

The Goodbye

You make plans that last week. You want to spend as much time together as possible. You have to work around schedules, and you have to remind yourself that this might be the last time you can actually hang out. And then a few hours open up, and you can get together again. Until you know it has to be the last time.

You know this because they are leaving the area in a few hours. And while you are hanging out together, you realize that it is time to go home, and it will be time to say that last goodbye. That moment you have ignored for months is finally here. And you say goodbye or see you later, and all the time you had together flashes before you, and you wonder where all the time went.

You think of the future and how her little two-year-old might be a lot older when you see each other again. You think about what life will be like without her around, and it hurts a little. You wish her and her family well. You are happy for them that they get to move on to their next adventure.

The Future

You will never ever forget about your friend. You will text, email, and share photos on Facebook. You will hear about their new life and share more about yours.

You will eventually make plans to see each other again, even if it is years from now. You get to a place where, although you miss her like crazy, you accept she is gone and look to move on. You think about the other people in your life and how you still have a good circle around you.

You think about how you will eventually be the one to leave, having to say goodbye to many people when that time comes. You think about how you are a strong military spouse who has been through worse.

It’s hard to say goodbye to a friend, especially one you were very close to. But at the same time, it is something you can deal with and work through.

Have you been through saying goodbye to a good friend? How did you deal with it all?

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

7 Tips For A Brand New Military Spouse Mom

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7 Tips For A Brand New Military Spouse Mom

Did you just find out you are pregnant? A little nervous about becoming a mom? Not sure how things will go with a spouse in the military?

Here are 7 tips for a brand new military spouse mom:

Get Your Free Breast Pump

If you didn’t already know, you can get a free breast pump with your TRICARE benefit. How does this work? Each TRICARE beneficiary, no matter the type of service member your spouse is, or their rank, can receive one breast pump per birth event, which is a birth or adoption.

There are several companies that work with you to easily get your breast pump through TRICARE. You do need to have a prescription, and you will have to stick to their spending limits. You can also receive breast pump accessories through TRICARE.

Figure Out Your Birth Plan

Before giving birth, you should think about how you want things to go. If you want to have a natural birth, if that is important to you at all, you need to plan for having a natural birth. There are a lot of things you can do to prepare, from taking natural birth classes to learning special labor exercises.

In addition to what type of birth you want, you need to figure out who will be with you during the birth. If your spouse is going to be deployed while you give birth, who will be with you instead? Can you ask a friend, or would you rather have your mom or sister there? These are some of the things you need to plan so that your civilian friends don’t have to think about.

Make Mom Friends

When you have a new baby, you’ll want to meet other moms who also have kids of a similar age. There are many different ways to do so. You don’t have to start motherhood alone.

You can go to your local MOPS group, there are even some Military MOPS groups at certain duty stations. You can find a local playgroup, where you meet once a week and allow your baby to “play” while you chat with the other parents. You can also connect with other moms online, from joining a due date group to a local group with moms in your area.

Signing Up For TRICARE

You should sign your newborn up for TRICARE as soon as possible. You start by signing them up for DEERs, which stands for Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System. You have 90 days to do so if you are in the States, and 120 days if you are overseas.

After they are in DEERS, they will automatically be put into TRICARE Prime if you are in a Prime Service Area. If not, they will be put into TRICARE Select. You then have 90 days to change to a different plan if you want to.

If you are overseas, they will be automatically enrolled to TRICARE Select and you will have 90 days to change to TRICARE Overseas as long as they are Command Sponsored.

If you are a National Guard or Reserve family, you would need to sign them up for TRICARE Reserve Select if you are using that insurance. You would also need to sign them up for DEERS, as active duty personnel do.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to have their Social Security number when you sign them up for DEERS, and can add that later after you receive it. This also applies to adopted children as well as children you are adding to your family. Please visit TRICARE for the most updated information on this as well as other details about the process.

Baby Stuff Everywhere

One of the things about having a new baby is that you are going to be tempted to buy all the things. There are so many different products out there for almost anything you can think of. Think about what you would really need and what will work best for you and your baby.

We always loved having a co-sleeper of some kind, a stroller, and a good baby carrier. Talk to your friends about the products they have loved and used. You can always wait until after they are born for many of the baby items.

Shopping second-hand will save you a lot of money. When I was pregnant with my 3rd little boy, I went around on the post-wide garage sale day and found so many things I needed for super cheap. Some baby items only get used a few times and can still be in good condition. Just be careful about buying products like a crib and a car seat second-hand, and read up on any recalls that might have come out.

The CDC Is Your Best Friend

The CDC, Child Development Center at your duty station should offer some sort of hourly care option. Hourly care saved my life. When we were a new military family, with a young 18-month-old, I signed him up and took him several times a week.

I loved how flexible hourly care was, how he got to play with other kids, and they always seemed to give us free hours during a deployment. The CDC saved me during deployments and whenever I needed a break from my kids, even if it was just a few hours.

I know some CDCs might have some issues. I would look into your CDC, talk to other moms, and see if using hourly care could be a good option for you. They might also have regular preschool-type programs if you want a more structured program for your child.

Solo Parenting Can Be Rough

Solo parenting is going to be a part of your life if you are a military spouse. Sometimes you might be alone for a few weeks, other times, for a few months. Hopefully, you won’t have to go as long as we did during our first deployment.

Being a solo parent is all about finding what will work for you and your kids. You will have to take the days one at a time. You might also have to give up on some parenting ideals.

However, you will figure everything out. There is a lot of support out there through friends and even your military installation. You don’t have to go through all of this all by yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out, and remember, you won’t be a solo parent forever.

5 Things to Do When You Hate Your Duty Station

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5 Things to Do When You Hate Your Duty Station

So you hate your duty station. You have tried. You really have. But you can’t stand it. And you won’t be PCSing anytime soon. What should you do? How do you make peace with it? Can you?

Here are some ideas:

1) Cry it out

Okay, so you hate your duty station. Please take a moment, cry about it, get it all out, because you are going to need to pull it together to create a plan. You can’t stay in the crying stage, but use it as a motivator to help you figure something out.

Like it or not, the military is going to send you where it wants to, even if you hate it. It is a good idea to figure out ways to make even the worst duty station work for you.

2) Make a plan

Okay, you had a good cry. Now it is time to make a plan. Sit down and make a list.

Try to come up with positives about the area and your home. Perhaps it’s that you are only 15 minutes from an airport, so traveling is 110% easier than it was before, when you were two hours away from one. Maybe it’s the fact that your kids have already found a fun friend base, and even if you are still working on it for yourself, that is something to celebrate.

Think of the positives. I know that is not always going to be easy, but it is there. Now, make a list of what you dislike, and once you have done that, think of anything within your power that you can do to address those issues.

You won’t be able to fix everything. I can’t fix the traffic in the Fort Campbell area, and trust me when I say it is the worst. However, there are some things you can fix; sometimes, you just need to think about it for a while. There is something you can do to improve your time at your duty station. There really is.

3) Join some groups

Okay, one of the best ways to enjoy a duty station is to find your people. And I know what some of you are thinking. You have tried to find your people, but everyone here sucks.

The reality? There is not one duty station where everyone sucks. Okay? There just isn’t. People are people, and they come in all types. I am not saying there are not sucky situations. There are. However, in many cases, getting out there and meeting new people is likely to be beneficial.

So join some groups. Whatever type of thing you are into. Do you like to read? Join a book club. Do you want to hike? Joining a hiking club. Have little kids? Join MOPS or another playgroup. Even going to the park regularly can help you meet new people.

4) Explore

Have you explored your area? Taken a day trip? Make a plan to explore some of the things in your area. It might surprise you.

Sometimes, we can become so caught up in the day-to-day that we miss what is around us. And there might be some fantastic things. Make a bucket list of fun things to explore. It should brighten your outlook.

5) Create a home

You might not be able to control the city you are in, or the way the duty station is, but you can focus on your actual home. Whether it is a condo, apartment, a house, or military housing, make it yours as much as you can. Having a comforting place to relax can go a long way.

Sometimes, you just hate your duty station, and it can feel like nothing can be done about it. During military life, you could end up somewhere you don’t want to be for many different reasons. Finding ways to make peace with where you are will go a long way. And you could be pleasantly surprised by what you find out.

5 Things to Do When You Hate Your Duty Station

When You Can’t Find a Job As a Military Spouse

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When You Can't Find a Job As a Military Spouse

You just moved to a new duty action. Your household goods are all unpacked. Your children are set up in their new school. Everything seems set except that you haven’t been able to find a job yet.

Military spouses often struggle to find employment for various reasons. Moving 2-3 years has a significant impact on it. You might have trouble finding a job you can do when your spouse is gone half the time. You could have moved overseas and discovered that you can’t keep your job, even though it’s remote. Alternatively, you may be unable to transfer your license to a new state, despite having worked hard for it.

It can all be very, very frustrating. So what’s a military spouse to do when they can’t find employment? Who can they turn to? Well, thankfully, there is some help out there:

  1. Hire Heroes USA – When I started looking for a full-time job a couple of years ago, I signed up for Hire Heroes USA. That was a smart choice. They helped me revise my resume and walked me through the entire process. At Hire Heroes USA, they help veterans, transitioning service members, and military spouses. They are committed to one-on-one support and guidance. They also have a job board.
  2. SECO Program – Through the SECO program, also known as the Spouse Education and Career Opportunities program, run by the Department of Defense, military spouses can access a range of employment support services.
  3. Hiring Our Heroes – Hiring Our Heroes offers a range of programs to support you on your career journey. One example is Career Forward, a learner-to-earner program that can help you advance your career by earning Google Career Certificates in data analytics, IT support, project management, digital marketing & e-commerce, or user experience (UX) design. They will also connect you with employers that are ready to hire. Additionally, you can find virtual workshops and Amplify, a free two-day workshop, as well as other programs that can provide support.
  4. LinkedIn – LinkedIn is one of those places that can be difficult to navigate. Yes, you can look for jobs there, but there is a lot more to it. LinkedIn is an excellent platform for networking. Don’t be afraid to share that you are looking for a job and what type you are looking for. Connect with others and grow your network. And, as a military spouse, you can receive a free year of LinkedIn Premium. Set that up on their website.

Feeling the need for a job when you can’t find one is highly frustrating. Balancing your career with your spouse’s military career can be overwhelming. However, taking advantage of what is available can lead you in the right direction. Make sure to take advantage. 

When You Can't Find a Job As a Military Spouse

When Military Spouses Give Themselves Permission to Pursue Their Dreams

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This post is in partnership with CollegeRecon!

When Military Spouses Give Themselves Permission to Pursue Their Dreams

As a military spouse, you know that this life can be a bit tricky sometimes. We support our service members in every way possible. But we also have dreams and desires of our own. We have things we want to pursue. And we need to permit ourselves to pursue them.

One way to pursue your dreams as a military spouse is to further your education. And VCFA can be a great option to do so.

When Military Spouses Give Themselves Permission to Pursue Their Dreams

What is VCFA?

The Vermont College of Fine Arts (VCFA) is a private, graduate-level college affiliated with the California Institute of the Arts. They offer Master’s degrees in a low-residency format.

What degree programs do they have?

At VCFA, you can get a degree in:

MFA in Film, MFA in Graphic Design, MFA in Music Composition, MFA in Visual Art, MFA in Writing, and MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults.

What does a low-residency program mean?

Low-residency is an excellent option for military spouses. You don’t have to live in California, and you can complete most of your work in your own home, wherever that might be.

In VCFA’s low-residency MFA programs, you will meet with your class twice a year for an intense and vibrant 9-day residency on the campus. However, for the MFA in Writing and the MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults programs, a remote option is available.

During these nine days, you attend workshops, lectures, discussions, critiques, exhibitions, performances, and more. Students also have the opportunity to engage with faculty over meals and in informal conversations.

What do they offer students?

During the program, you can find mentorship, work one-on-one with a faculty advisor, and form an individualized study plan tailored to your interests and goals. VCFA also publishes Hunger Mountain, a magazine created by faculty and students in the writing program, providing them with real-life publishing experience.

VCFA also just launched a podcast, Unapologetically Creative, which features bold voices in art, design, and storytelling. You can find it on Apple, Spotify, or iHeart.

Can you use the GI Bill at VCFA?

Yes, you can use your spouse’s or your own GI Bill to help pay for these programs! VCFA also participates in the Yellow Ribbon Program. Additionally, they offer VCFA Scholarships.

A VCFA military spouse student

Ciel-Nicole Williams, spouse of a Full-time Montana National Guard member, just started the MFA in Visual Arts program. When she realized she wanted to become a teacher and needed an MFA, she began exploring low-residency programs. As a 14-year military spouse, she recognized the need for a flexible way to earn her degree.

Ciel looked into and ultimately chose VCFA because it was a robust program that had been around a while and had a good reputation. She also used her husband’s GI Bill for the program.

VCFA, a way for military spouses to pursue their dreams

As you can see, the VCFA MFA programs can be an ideal choice for military spouses. Between its low-residency format and good reputation, military spouses seeking to further their education can find a suitable fit with this school. If you are interested but don’t have a bachelor’s degree, there are some special cases where you can move forward and work towards your MFA with a solid portfolio.

If you are interested in learning more, please sign up for one of VCFA’s informational sessions and complete their contact form. When doing so, please mention the Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life blog in the “Any questions” section.

Military Benefits Every Spouse Should Know About 

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Military spouses standing in a line

Hey there! If you’re reading this, you’re probably knee-deep in military life already. Between PCS moves, deployments, and trying to figure out what TLA even means (seriously, what’s with all the acronyms?), it’s easy to miss out on some seriously helpful benefits. Let’s break them down – and trust me, you’ll want to bookmark this one. 

TRICARE: Your Medical Safety Net 

Remember that time your toddler decided 2 AM was the perfect time for a fever, or you needed a prescription while visiting family across the country? That’s where TRICARE becomes your best friend. You’ve got two main options: TRICARE Prime and TRICARE Select. 

Prime is like having a medical home base. You’ll get assigned a Primary Care Manager (PCM), and they’ll be your go-to for everything. Referrals are required for specialists, but here’s the upside – you’ll barely pay anything out of pocket. Select gives you more freedom to choose your providers, but you’ll pay a bit more for that flexibility. 

Key TRICARE Tips: 

● Get enrolled in DEERS first – nothing works without it 

● Keep your ID card current 

● Update your info after every PCS 

● Download the TRICARE app (total game-changer) 

Learn more at www.tricare.mil 

MyCAA: Your Ticket to Career Growth 

Let’s talk about that $4,000 in education benefits that’s just sitting there, waiting for you to claim it. MyCAA isn’t just for traditional college – it covers certifications, licenses, and technical programs too. Think medical coding, real estate license, teaching credentials, or IT certifications. The best part? These are careers that can move with you. 

I’ve seen spouses use MyCAA to become everything from veterinary technicians to web developers. The program is designed for portable careers, meaning you can take these skills anywhere the military sends you. Plus, many programs are online, so PCSing won’t interrupt your studies.

Beyond MyCAA, there’s a whole world of military spouse scholarships out there. The Military Spouse Career Advancement Scholarship, the Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarship, and countless installation-specific opportunities are waiting for applicants. 

Explore your options at myseco.militaryonesource.mil/portal/mycaa 

Employment Support That Gets It 

The Military Spouse Employment Partnership (MSEP) is like having a really well-connected friend in your job search. These employers – we’re talking companies like Amazon, Starbucks, and hundreds more – actively seek out military spouses. They understand our unique challenges and often offer flexible or remote positions that can survive a PCS. 

SECO takes it a step further with personalized career help. Need someone to translate your varied experience into civilian terms? Want to practice interviewing? They’ve got you covered. The best part is how they understand that a “gap” in your resume might actually be time spent managing a cross-country move with three kids and a dog (which, let’s be honest, is basically a project management certification in itself). 

What SECO Offers: 

● Resume reviews and writing help 

● Interview coaching 

● Career assessments 

● Education guidance 

● Portable career planning 

Connect with employers at msepjobs.militaryonesource.mil 

Housing: Making Sense of BAH and Housing Options 

BAH might seem straightforward – money for housing, right? But it’s actually pretty nuanced. The rates are calculated based on local rental markets, including average utilities and renters insurance. That’s why you might get more BAH in San Diego than in rural Oklahoma. 

If you choose to live on base, you’ll typically forfeit your BAH in exchange for housing, utilities, and maintenance. Off base? That BAH is yours to manage. The Military Housing Office becomes your secret weapon here – they know which neighborhoods to avoid, which landlords work well with military families, and can even review leases for you. 

Smart Housing Moves:

● Calculate your BAH before house hunting 

● Use the Military Housing Office for lease reviews 

● Consider school districts if you have kids 

● Keep utility costs in mind when budgeting 

Calculate your rate at www.defensetravel.dod.mil/site/bah.cfm 

Mental Health Support (Because Military Life is No Joke) 

Let’s be real for a second – military life can be tough on your mental health. Those long deployments, constant moves, and the pressure of holding everything together? It’s a lot. That’s why knowing about these mental health resources is so important. 

Military OneSource counseling is a game-changer. Twelve free sessions per issue, and you can start over with new issues. Having trouble adjusting after a PCS? That’s an issue. Struggling with deployment? Different issue. Marriage needs some tune-up? You guessed it – separate issue. Plus, you can do these sessions in person, over the phone, or by video chat. 

The Military Family Life Counselors (MFLCs) on base are another amazing resource. No appointment needed, no paperwork, and nothing goes on any record. They’ll meet you at the coffee shop, the park, or wherever you feel comfortable. They even have special counselors just for kids who might be struggling with military life. 

Mental Health Resources Include: 

● Individual counseling 

● Couples counseling 

● Child behavioral support 

● Stress management workshops 

● Deployment support groups 

Get started at www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help 

Money-Saving Perks (Because Every Little Bit Helps) 

This is the fun part – all the ways military life can actually save you money. The ITT office on base is like having a secret discount travel agent. Want to go to Disney? They’ve got tickets for way less than you’d pay at the gate. Universal Studios, local attractions, even cruises – always check ITT first. 

The Exchange and Commissary are obvious spots for savings, but don’t overlook the smaller perks. That military ID can get you discounts at places you might not expect:

Everyday Savings: 

● Home improvement stores (Lowe’s and Home Depot – 10% off) 

● Clothing retailers (Old Navy, Nike, Under Armour) 

● Cell phone plans (most major carriers offer military discounts) 

● Car insurance (USAA, GEICO, and others offer military rates) 

● Hotels and flights (always ask for military rates) 

But here’s a pro tip: sometimes the military discount isn’t the best deal. Always compare it with other available discounts or sales. And don’t forget about holiday weekends – many stores offer extra military discounts during Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Military Appreciation Month. 

Find current deals at www.militaryonesource.mil/recreation-travel-shopping 

Pulling It All Together 

Listen, this military life isn’t always easy. Some days it feels like you’re juggling flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle. But these benefits? They’re here because others before us fought for them. They’re here to make this wild ride a little more manageable. 

Keep your documents updated, your ID card current, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Join your base’s spouse Facebook group – sometimes the best info comes from other spouses who’ve been there, done that, and know all the shortcuts. 

Remember, you’re not just surviving military life – you’re building a life within it. These benefits are tools in your toolkit. Use them, share them, and help other spouses learn about them too. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. 

Need more info? Visit www.militaryonesource.mil/military-life/spouses for a complete rundown of military spouse benefits. And don’t forget to check back regularly – benefits and programs can change, and new ones pop up all the time. 

Author Bio: Daniel Denkinger is an active-duty Air Force pilot and the founder of AFCrashpad.com, a company that provides fully furnished, military-friendly lodging for service members on PCS or TDY orders. Dedicated to supporting the military community, Daniel offers housing solutions designed to make military life more comfortable and stress-free. 
Connect with Daniel: ● Instagram: @afcrashpad ● Facebook: AFCrashpad ● Website: AFCrashpad.com

Military Benefits Every Spouse Should Know About 

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

I talk a lot about the military community. I have seen so much good come from people banding together to get through the hard stuff. Finding others who understand is extremely helpful. But…with the good comes the bad, and the ugly. 

The military community isn’t perfect. We have some flaws. We have some ugly parts. And like any community, as much as we try, they can sometimes take over your whole experience to the point where you just want to walk away. 

The good of the military community

The good of the military community includes walking alongside one another when you are hurt. It means planning a Thanksgiving dinner when all your spouses are deployed. It means stepping in and bringing another spouse groceries when she is sick on the couch. It means trading babysitting and letting people vent about the hard, and helping them come up with solutions to what seems impossible. 

The bad of the military community

The bad is having to leave the friends you have made that have felt like family, only to only ever like their Facebook posts in the future. The bad is feeling left out and not sure you can find a place. The bad is struggling to find new friends when you miss your old ones more than anything. 

And the ugly of the military community

The Facebook groups that poke fun at innocent questions from new military spouses. The hate for certain spouses based on whether they are married to and enlisted service member or officer. The misunderstandings that lead to a lack of grace and friendship. The loneliness some can feel because they can’t seem to find their people. 

The truth of the military community

The truth is that any community can have its share of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But as a military community, we have more at stake. We need one another in so many different ways. We can’t afford to be mean-spirited. We need to work past that.

As a community, we need to work together because with the world the way it is, with things heating up, we will need one another. And it starts with each of us. Extending that grace, treating others with respect, and striving to be the best version of ourselves.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.