Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

How To Have a Date Night When Your Spouse is Deployed…in GIFs

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How To Have a Date Night When Your Spouse is Deployed...in GIFs

Your spouse is deployed, but you want to try to plan a date night anyway. This could work you think, even though you are 6,000 miles apart. You need that time with your spouse, and setting up a “date night” over video chat is the best way to do it.

Here is how to have a date night when your spouse is deployed…in GIFs:

Step One: Figure out when they will be able to talk and when you can talk at the same time, for longer than 5 minutes.

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Step Two: Put the date and time in your calendar, knowing it might change.

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Step Three: Put the kids to bed early that night, hopefully, they won’t give you any trouble. Being a solo parent is hard work!

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Step Four: Get ready for your “date.” Do your hair, make-up, and put on a fancy dress, just for fun and to make things more date-like. Pour yourself a glass a wine, everything is perfect!

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Step Five: Put kids back to bed after they keep getting out of bed. Pray they fall asleep before 8 pm, the time you have scheduled for your deployment date.

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Step Six: 8:05 pm. No word from the kids, no word from the husband. Just wait.

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Step Seven: 8:35 pm. Still waiting on your spouse, and you are getting quite sleepy.

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Step Eight: 8:55 pm. Debating on if you should call it a night, figuring he got held up somewhere. That happens, you know. But you can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

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Step Nine: 9:15 pm. Decide that your deployment date is a bust for the night. Get ready for bed, maybe tomorrow will work out better? Check your phone one more time, just in case.

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Step Ten: 9:45 pm. Crawl into bed, close your eyes, and fall asleep.

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Step Eleven: 9:55 pm. The phone starts to ring, he finally made it. Your phone wakes you up, but you don’t care.

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Step Twelve: You finally get to have your deployment date. You are in your pjs, but you don’t care. You finally get to talk to the love of your life and all is well in your world, at least for now.

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As military spouses, we sometimes have to make the best out of what we have, go with the flow, and hold on to the good moments among the more difficult ones.

Have you ever tried to have a date during a deployment?

When You Miss Them

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When You Miss Them

When you miss them, your heart can feel like it will never be the same.

When you miss them, you feel that deployment ache, and know that no matter what, a part of that ache will be there until they return home.

When you miss them, you have to find ways to make it through, to live your life, even with your hurting heart.

As a military spouse, deployments will come. There is nothing we can really do about that. Some deployments will come more often than others, there will definitely be seasons, and you will figure out how to navigate them the best way you know how.

When you miss them, you figure out who your true friends are, and help each other through.

When you miss them, you figure out what works for your family during a deployment, and what doesn’t.

When you miss them, you find a deeper love, that you might have missed had they never gone away.

As any seasoned military spouse knows, each deployment can be so different. Each deployment can come with its own challenges. And just because you have been through a deployment before it doesn’t mean you know what is ahead or what the next deployment will be like.

When you miss them, your heart skips a beat when you see them come online for a quick chat.

When you miss them, it can be difficult to see other couples, but you try to keep in mind that yours will be home with you soon.

When you miss them, you remember all the time they were home and promise yourself you will never take that time for granted again.

Any marriage is going to go through challenges. For the military spouse, these challenges can seem huge when their spouse is literally living on the other side of the world. Keep in mind that deployments are temporary and do what you can to stay connected over the miles.

When you miss them, each day down is another day closer to their return.

When you miss them, each day down means you are getting through the deployment, one day at a time.

When you miss them, you will figure out how to deal with the time they are away, and make it to the finish line.

When you first start a deployment, you will probably start missing your spouse as soon as you say goodbye. This is normal. You will feel like everything has changed, and it has. You will wonder how you will get through this time apart.

But, somehow you will be able to do just that. You will be able to take your deployment and get through it day by day. You will always miss them, that won’t go away, but you will find ways to cope with the distance until they return.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

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The Deployment Journal For Spouses

So you spouse just deployed, and you feel a bit lost. You just aren’t even sure what you are feeling but you know you are feeling something. You just want to get it all out.

Have you ever thought about keeping a deployment journal?

I have been writing in a journal since I was about 16 years old. I love them and while I write more during certain times of my life over others, I still keep one to this day.

During my deployments, they were like a best friend for me. Anytime I was upset, felt angry, or was just so sad I didn’t know what to do, I would grab my journal and let everything out. Doing so was so very helpful and I like to offer that advice to other military spouses.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

Keeping a deployment journal can help you through your next deployment!

Because of my love of the journal, and knowing how much they can help during a deployment, I am having an amazing giveaway for the new verison of the Deployment Journal for Military Spouses by Rachel Robertson.

They also send me a copy for review, and this book, it’s beautiful. As someone who has journaled for years, finding the right book is important. One thing I look for is the cover, and this one passes my test.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

This journal is a beautiful teal color which is one of my favorite colors. Teal is so soothing and calming to me. The color makes me want to pick up the book.

Within the book, you will find places to journal, prompts, tips, ideas, quotes, and even a place to write down your memories and milestones. This journal would be ideal for any military spouse going through a deployment. And I know this book will be a big help during the time your spouse is away.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

Now, head on over to my Facebook page to enter. The giveaway will go until March 15th. Please visit Military Family Books if you would like to purchase this book for yourself, or want to know more about the book or the author.

Have journals helped you through a deployment???

When Your Spouse is Deployed and You Only Have Two Hands

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When Your Spouse is Deployed and You Only Have Two Hands

This post is sponsored by Baby Tula! I was also provided free product for review.

Whenever my husband was deployed, I hated going to the grocery store. I know there are more options these days such as grocery store pick-up or affordable delivery services, but back during our previous deployments, we didn’t have any of that.

So, once I had three kids, it became a big issue. I could sometimes get around this by going to the grocery store when my older two were in school, or trade with a friend. However, there were sometimes when I still had to take all three and head to the store. Or really anywhere I needed to go.

Baby Tula

There are different tools out there that can help us during our solo parenting days. One tool that helped me with my babies was having a good baby carrier to use, especially when I had to take all three kids to the grocery store. My baby would go in the carrier, he would stay close, then I would have two free hands to shop, and help my other children.

I could also use this carrier if we were going out to a special event or even a birthday party. I had a stroller as well, but a baby carrier is easier to use in some situations where a stoller would not work.

A lot of military spouse moms bring a carrier to MOPS or other types of playgroups. This allows them to move around, while still keeping their baby close. There are so many benefits to owning one, even if your husband is not deployed.

Baby Tula

So in those times when I did have to take all three of my children out somewhere, that baby carrier was a lifesaver. I only had two hands, with three little kids, I needed a solution.

Finding the right carrier is important. You want to find one that you like, that works for you and your baby, and is supportive.

The Explore Baby Carriers by Baby Tula would be a fantastic choice!

Baby Tula
  • This carrier is versatile, easy-to-use and the first carrier that allows you to use it in an ergonomic front-facing position.
  • There are a variety of prints to choose from, so you should be able to find something you love.
  • They have adjustable panels to use as your baby grows so you can use this Baby Tula from 7-45lbs.
  • They have three ergonomic carry positions, facing in, facing out, and back carry.
  • They have a military discount! Yay! 10% off for active duty, veterans, and retired military. Military status will be checked by a 3rd party.

If you are like me and your kids are all over toddler age, you can look at some of Baby Tula’s other products. They have shoes, blankets, backpacks, lunch bags, and more.

Baby Tula sent us one of their super cute backpacks in the Hot Lava theme. Isn’t it cute?

Baby Tula BackPack

And also one of these lunch boxes in the Chomp theme:

Baby Tula Lunch Box

If you are pregnant or already had your baby and would like a new carrier, please visit Baby Tula, and don’t forget the Baby Tula 10% military discount.

How has a baby carrier helped you when your spouse was away?

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day if Your Spouse is Deployed

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How to Celebrate Valentine's Day if Your Spouse is Deployed

It’s time for Valentine’s Day! The holiday all about love. The one where you feel the pressure to buy your spouse candy chocolates, or flowers, or teddy bears, and make plans to go out to eat on the most crowded night of the year. Super fun right?

Or not…

Maybe you think the whole thing is silly. A holiday made up by Hallmark to get spouses to buy cards for each other, and make more money. And with the lack of candy hearts this year, is Valentine’s Day even worth worrying about? (PS I did find some at Target a few weeks ago if you are wanting some.)

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Maybe you love Valentine’s Day but unfortunately this year, your spouse is deployed and you will not be spending the day together. In fact, you aren’t even sure you will be able to talk on Valentine’s Day.

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In the past, you guys have showered each other with gifts and went out to dinner, not even worried about the crowds of other couples sharing the night with you. But this year, none of that is going to happen, so what can you do?

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This post does contain affiliate/referral links!

Well…one thing you could do is plan a Galentine’s Day with you friends. You probably aren’t the only one without your spouse on Valentine’s Day and this can be a good way to spend the time. You can have yummy food, either do a potluck or go out, bring chocolates for each other, and don’t forget the wine. And these days, you can even find Galentine’s Day party favors.

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You can also order dinner in from your favorite restaurant, so many options these days. Treat yourself to a nice dinner after the kids go to bed. While this isn’t exactly romantic, you will at least be able to have a nice meal, in your pajamas if you want to.

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And if you planned enough ahead of time, you can send your deployed spouse a nice Valentine’s Day care package. Here are some ideas from Jo, My Gosh! And really, if you didn’t send the package in time, that’s okay, just make it an “I Love You” themed one and you will be good to go.

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If your spouse is deployed on Valentine’s Day, you can just have a romantic movie marathon and enjoy the fun of a cheesy Rom-Com. Or, if you are simply not in the mood that type of thing, how about a Netflix end of the world movie instead? Bird Box anyone?

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You could always take the time to write some love letters, remembering all the things you love and miss about your spouse. Find some pretty stationary and get writing. In this world of video chats and text messages, there is something to be said about sending and receiving an old fashioned love letter.

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And if nothing else, you can use this Valentine’s Day as a time to spoil your own children with big candy hearts, cute cartoon Valentines, and a heart-shaped pizza for dinner. They will appreciate that and you will be making some fun memories together with your kids.

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All in all, you can have a good Valentine’s Day, even if your spouse is deployed. It’s just one day, and if this holiday is special to you as a couple, you can keep special even across the miles. You might have to get creative but that can be fun and a different way to express your love to one another. And there is always next year!

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How do you like to celebrate Valentine’s Day when your spouse is deployed? Do you do anything special for yourself or do you just not worry about the holiday at all?

Surviving A Military Deployment

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Surviving A Military Deployment

Surviving A Military Deployment
I am sitting in my living room, in our 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Schweinfurt, Germany. We just got back from the park, and my two-year-old is finally asleep. I am nursing my baby to sleep and will put him down in a bit.

I plan to take a well-needed bubble bath once I do. It’s been a day. It’s been a week. It’s been a rough deployment.
 
And we still have so much more time to go…
 
Way too many days…way too long. And while every day is a day closer, the time ahead is just…well I am not sure how I am going to do this.
 
As I lay my baby down, I have no idea that his Dad won’t see him again until he is almost one. Or that after he comes home, it will be hard for him to bond. I have no idea that the deployment we thought would end in the summer would get extended again, and then again, and that he wouldn’t be home until right before Thanksgiving.
 
I leave the room and run the bath. I will probably read for a bit as I always do but I can’t stop thinking about things.
 
Surviving A Military Deployment
What if my husband never comes back?
 
What if he does and he isn’t the same?
 
What if I have way too hard of a time getting through this that the deployment breaks me forever?
 
It’s so hard not to worry about these things. They happen. They have happened to my friends.
 
It’s so hard to know how to have faith all will be okay when you know it might not be.
 
Deployments are so hard…and it’s okay to feel like you can’t go one more day.
 
It’s been 11 years since that deployment. Time has moved on. My boys have gotten older. We have been through more deployments.
 
Surviving A Military Deployment
They never get any easier. But you do learn how to cope.
 
I still hate the thought of being away from my husband, even though we make it through each and every time.
 
And although I would like to think that I could rock any future deployment we might go through, I also know that they could break me, just like they have done in the past.
 
If you are going through a deployment, know you are not alone. I have been there. Others have been there.
 
If you are about to start a deployment, know it is okay to be scared, that being worried about your spouse and what the deployment will be like is normal.
 
Know that you will grow as a person during the deployment. You will find ways to cope. You will deepen your friendships with others. You will figure out how to get to that finish line.
 
As military spouses, we do what we have to do because of who we love and the career our spouse has picked. But that doesn’t mean everything is easy or that we will never have a bad day. It just means we can find the strength to make it through…whatever comes our way.
 
If you are a military spouse looking for support, please take the time to check out my deployment blog posts here on Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life. I have many posts on deployments based on my own experiences as a military spouse.
 
Remember, you are not alone, there are people who want to help you through this, and people who can stand by you as you do. You got this military spouse, you do <3

At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

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At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

Deployments are no joke. I hate deployments, and yet I know they are a part of the military life experience. And while there are so many ways to make it through a deployment, sometimes you just have to suck it up and get through the days apart, even if you don’t want to.

The biggest thing is making sure you have what you need to get through the deployment. This is going to look different for everyone. Some people love wine, others, not so much. Some people love chocolate, and others perfect another type of candy.

And when I talk about what you need to get through a deployment, food and drinks can be easy to bring up, but in reality, you need more than that. You need good friends by your side, hobbies to focus on, a possible career path for yourself, and even something like a deployment haven in your home.

Basically, anything that will help you through the time apart.

If you are not sure what this is for you, think about what makes you happy and what can brighten your day. Think about what has worked in the past, and go from there.

Sucking it up is simply finding ways to cope.

It is not dwelling on all the negatives but working towards enjoy life, even when they are away. This doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sad, or won’t ever need to cry. It doesn’t mean you have to think the deployment is the best thing ever or that you are never allowed to vent about what you are going through.

So if you are just starting your deployment, or are in the middle of one, make sure you are surrounding yourself with people and things that will help you. That will make the deployment much easier for you and time will go by a little faster.

Make sure to read my other deployment posts! 

When You Hate Deployments

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When You Hate Deployments

Our first deployment came about nine months after my life as a military spouse first began. This was after spending about 4.5 months apart waiting to join my husband in Germany. He left the following August, and that deployment didn’t end until November of the following year.

That was such a long time to be away from my husband. Even now, all these years later, I can’t even believe we got through that. I had a baby during that deployment, a toddler, and lived in Germany, far away from family and what we were used to.

Over the years my husband deployed three more times. I got through each of these the best I could. I got through them one day at a time, one hour at a time sometimes. I somehow made it through those challenges.

I thought that my deployment days were over, but as we are starting to possibly get ready for deployment #5, I am starting to get a bit nervous. There is so much on my mind, and I just don’t know how that time apart is going to go.

When You Hate Deployments

See, I hate deployments.

Sure, there are benefits from them. You can grow as a person, you can do things you otherwise wouldn’t, you can find ways to become a better person.

You can bond with other spouses, you can learn more about yourself, and you can feel stronger than you ever have once they come home.

But I hate deployments.

And although my kids are much older this time, I am still nervous. No, I won’t have to change all the diapers by myself, but I will have two teenagers during the deployment.

All my kids will be in school, but I will be too, with all the stress that brings.

When You Hate Deployments

And I will still miss my husband just as much. The one I decided I wanted to spend my life with. The one I have so much fun with. My biggest cheerleader.

So as I look ahead, what can I do when I already know how much deployments suck? What can I say to myself to help get in a better mood about this? What can I do to make the future deployment less painful?

I am going to try to think positively

I am going to go into this deployment trying to think positively about the next year. This will be hard to do. But I want to start this deployment with the hope that everything will be okay. I want to go into the deployment without hating it and to do that I have to change my thinking about what is to come.

I am making lists of people and things that will help me

I know I have people I can depend on. I know there are things that will help me through. I am going to make a list of these people and things. From who I can call on my hardest deployment days, to the easy meals to make during one of those deployment nights when cooking is the last thing I want to do.

When You Hate Deployments

I am going to remind myself the deployment is not forever

This is something I will have to repeat to myself over and over. Deployments don’t last forever; deployments don’t last forever, deployments don’t last forever. They start, they are, then they end.

It might seem a bit strange to have to remind yourself of this, but I know for myself, I can get stuck in feeling like the deployment will last forever. Even when I know that logically that is impossible, my heart doesn’t always understand.

I am going to give myself permission to cry

If I need to cry, I am going to cry. But I am also going to work on having good days, even though my husband will be across the ocean.

I am going to have to stay strong for my kids, I am going to have to be there to help them through the deployment, and I am going to have to be strong for them as well as for myself.

But somedays, I might need to cry. That is how I get the frustration and sadness out. That is one step to help feeling better about everything. Crying might just be what I need to do.

I am going to take it one day at a time

I am going to take this deployment one day a time because sometimes that is all I can do. There are going to be challenges along the way, and not every day is going to be a good one. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to handle what comes my way.

Not everyone likes to count down the days of a deployment, but I do. (Not online of course, just in my own journal, OPSEC and everything.) I like to see how far I have come. I like to know how much longer I will have to go. I like to know where I am in the middle of the deployment.

And I think it is good to celebrate the little things during a deployment. I have been in FRGs that have 100-day parties. I get excited about a new movie coming out, or a new book release. I make plans, and make memories with my kids, even when he is gone.

I know during our next deployment there will be days when I will wake and say, “man, I hate deployments.” However, I am going to try hard not to be too sad and upset the whole time he is gone. That isn’t going to be good for me, my kids, or even my husband.

He has a job to do, and he will need to get it done. And I will be here, cheering him along, making each day count, and trying to thrive more than just survive during the deployment.

Make sure to visit my deployment section for more blog posts on getting through your next deployment. You can also join my blog’s Facebook group for support during your military journey.