Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

For the MilSpouse Right in the Middle of a Deployment

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For the MilSpouse Right in the Middle of a Deployment

Getting used to a deployment can be pretty difficult and let’s face it, do you ever really get used to a deployment? Nah, not really, but something happens a few weeks or even months in. You get to a place where the deployment doesn’t feel as gut-wrenching. You might even feel that you have a handle on things.

You have a routine now. Wake up, make breakfast, get the kids to school, head to work, come home, make dinner, etc. You are now used to not having that extra person around the house. Sure, you still have bad deployment days, days when you are so sad and just want to cry into your pillow. But at the same time, you feel a bit stronger than you did when they first left. A little less heartbroken.

But then you hit a point, middle deployment. The time when they have been away for a while but you still have a ways to go. The time when you look at all you have gone through but still know you have such a long road until homecoming. You want to be stronger, you want to keep going but knowing you are not at the finish line can be hard to take.

What should you do? How can you keep going? How can you turn things around and get through the rest of the deployment?

Here are some ideas!

Work on a goal list

If you haven’t already started a deployment goal list, now is the time. What do you want to get done before the deployment is over? What projects do you think you can tackle over the next few months? What have you always wanted to do in life but never felt like there was time to do? A deployment goal list will allow you to focus, and get working on your goals, even those that will take longer than a deployment to complete.

Write more love letters

If you haven’t already, start writing your spouse love letters. Write more love letters than you used to. Pour out your heart to the man or woman you love. Buy new stationery, add fun stickers, look for silly or sexy rated cards.

There are quite a few fun ones out there. Make a plan to write once a week. Take photos to share. Send more care packages.

Throw a party

Throw a halfway party with some of the other spouses. Sometimes the FRG likes to do a 50 day or 100-day party. If not, throw one yourself.

Don’t like to cook? Make it a pot-luck. Is the weather nice? Have a picnic party. Do something to celebrate the time you have already gone through in this deployment.

During COVID, you could throw your party virtually! Plan a date for everyone to get on Zoom to celebrate. Get a drink and party in your PJs from your own home. And that might not be a bad idea for after COVID too.

Start a long book series

Being lost in a book is a great idea. Start a long book series and get to reading. This would be a great time to start Harry Potter if you haven’t yet or go ahead and read the books a second time. Some other ideas are The Southern Vampire Mysteries, the series True Blood was based on, or the Outlander series, my favorite.

Sign up for a new volunteer position

A lot of groups on posts are always looking for volunteers. You could also work in your child’s school, coach a sports team or look for places in your community that need a little help. If you have a lot of free time, pour yourself into something new. Doing so will make the days go by faster, helping others will be good for your soul and you might even make some new friends because of it.

Take a trip

If you can, go on a trip. That is one of the best ways to make it through that middle deployment period. If you don’t have kids, or even if you do, see if a friend wants to go with you. During our 2nd deployment, my friend and I planned a trip to Garmisch during the middle of the deployment. It was a lot of fun and we were able to get out and explore a bit even though our husbands were gone.

No matter how long your deployment is, you will probably hit this middle point and will feel like the deployment will last forever. Don’t worry, it won’t. You will get through these months and eventually you will be on your way to go pick up your spouse, with tears in your eyes and a smile on your face.

What has helped you get through this part of deployment?

Going Beyond OPSEC: Deployments in a Social Media World

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Social media can be great, but we need to be aware of something very important.

Going Beyond OPSEC: Deployments in a Social Media World

During our first deployment, we were all about Myspace. After spending time with friends, we would go home, put the kids to bed, upload our photos from the day and update our music list. 

These days, we are all about Facebook, Instagram, and even TikTok. 

Social media can be good for connecting with local friends, finding out information about FRG events, and sharing photos with our friends and family back home. We also can connect with our spouses on there through messenger or just respond to their statuses. I could always tell when my husband was really missing us back home because he would share a lot of our photos on his friend list.

Social media can be great, but we need to be aware of something very important.

There are certain topics we should not be posting about. Certain topics we need to wait on posting. We need to educate ourselves so that we are not breaking any OPSEC rules or getting anyone in trouble.

This not only refers to a “public” Facebook post but any Facebook post. Whether you are just sharing the info with your closest friends or in a Facebook group. We need to be aware of what is allowed and what isn’t.

When you first become a military spouse you might not know what is okay and what isn’t. You might get confused because you see certain things in the news or being posted by others and you are not sure why they can post those things and you can’t. You might get lost in all the details and can’t totally remember what is okay and what isn’t.

Never Exact Dates and Locations

The main thing to keep in mind is never ever post exact dates or exact locations. Never say when your spouse is supposed to come home. Never say where they are and it might even be a good idea to just stick with the general, “they are overseas” or “they are deployed.”

Some even say things like, “the place they go for a while” or “away on “business.” Some military spouses keep the whole deployment off social media altogether. You don’t have to do that but you do have to be smart about how you talk about the deployment.

Talking About Injuries or KIA

If someone in your spouse’s Company or Unit is KIA or injured you might be notified about it directly. If not, eventually, the news will make its way down the grapevine and you will hear what happened. DO NOT POST THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. At least not right away. There could be family members that have not heard the news.

There was a spouse who ended up hearing about her husband on social media because people posted about it. Can you even imagine? While the military will notify the family members ASAP, sometimes other people hear the news before they do and if you happen to hear too and share that news, doing so could end up ruining someone else’s life. The best rule of thumb is to wait until you hear from the family on social media or hear it being announced more publically.

Never What They Are Doing

I am a military spouse who doesn’t need to know the exact thing that her husband is doing when he is deployed or even away on training. I always have a general idea of what he does but I don’t need it broken down until after he gets home. If you do find out about what your spouse is doing, never share that on Facebook or other social media.

If that news gets out, it could ruin the mission. You never know who is watching, you never know who could take that information and use it against the US military. Keep that information to yourself. You should also never post about when your spouse is going to be moving to another base. This happens a lot and is pretty normal for a deployment so try not to get anxious about it either.

If You Are Not Sure

If you are not sure if what you want to post falls under OPSEC or PERSEC or is perfectly fine to post, feel free to ask someone who has been a military spouse for a while or simply not say that info publically. I know how excited we can get when our spouses are coming home or when we know when that day is going to be but we can’t share that information on social media.

A good rule is to only post things after the fact. Keep that information to yourself and then go nuts telling your Facebook friends all about your homecoming after your spouse is back home with you. That way you are not endangering the mission, causing a delay on homecoming, or leaking out information you shouldn’t be sharing with anyone. 

Do you ever get confused about OPSEC?

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

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Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

I was on my high school swim team, all four years. I had a love/hate relationship with it. For most of my high school years, the practice was at 5:45 in the mornings. Diving into the pool that early in the morning was so tough most days. And then there was the workout.

We practiced for over an hour. Lap after lap after lap. Often we would be required to do 20 laps at a time. As anyone who works out on a regular basis knows, you have to figure out how to get to the end of your workout, and that isn’t easy.

After practice was over, I would climb out of the pool and feel amazing. We would shower, get dressed, and head to class, having already done our workout for the day.

Often during my husband’s deployments, I think back to my swim team experience. Swimming was difficult. I was not a super-fast swimmer naturally and even had a few Olympic swimmers on our team. We worked hard, all season long.

But just like a deployment, as good as climbing out of the pool felt, diving in to get started was so hard.

Even though I had done it before. During that pre-deployment period, there are so many fears.

Will it be as hard as I think it will be?

Will he come home to me?

Will he come home the same person?

As the date gets closer, everything becomes a lot more real. And that day you have to say goodbye for the deployment? Everything seems a bit surreal.

But then you dive in…

And just like I did in the pool so many years ago, you start your “swim.” You start your deployment; you start moving forward. Because you know you can’t stay on the side. You know you have to start. You know you have to dive in.

As you get going with your deployment, you will probably feel a wide range of emotions.

Some days are going to be difficult and others a little easier. You might go a few weeks feeling like you got this and then hit a period of time when you feel like you can’t. The important thing is to “just keep swimming.” You just have to keep going.

I would often try to think about all the things going on in my life while I was swimming my laps. I would try to think of all the things I wanted to do in the future. I used that time to focus on myself as my body did the work to get through my workout.

During deployment, I use that time to work on myself. To become a better person. To reflect on who I am and where I am going. To work through any struggles and power through.

As the deployment comes to a close, time can stand still at times.

The days don’t seem like they are moving. But when this happens, you just have to “keep swimming.” You just have to keep going to get to the finish line.

If you are in a season of deployment right now, remember to “just keep swimming.” That might look like making more plans with friends, going to visit family, or starting something new. Even if some of these things are on hold because of what is happening in the world right now. As the days go by, celebrate what you have accomplished.

I could give you a list of things to do to stay busy during a deployment, but in the end, your mindset is going to help you get through your deployment. You don’t have to be happy about the deployment or greet each day with joy, your spouse is gone, and that is a sad and difficult thing.

Reminding yourself to keep going, that you can get through this, will go a long way in helping you do just that.

Just keep swimming military spouse, just keep swimming!

This is Your Military Life

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“I could re-join the Army,” he told me one day. We had been trying to figure out what he should do career-wise. What change he should make.

“Hmm…I don’t know about that,” I told him. “I’m not sure about that, we have a kid now.”

Back then, I couldn’t imagine a reality where I was home with my son and my husband was far away for months at a time. It just didn’t seem real. That type of life didn’t seem possible.

I laugh about that now. I think about all the solo parenting I have done over the years and what I thought was impossible, was very possible.

And that is one of the biggest things about military life. One of the biggest lessons you will learn. That you can do what you thought you couldn’t.

Maybe you will PCS overseas by yourself with a toddler, never having imagined that your first flight to Europe would look like that.

Maybe you will go through your first deployment in a brand new state, one you never thought you would ever visit, let alone live in, so many miles from home.

Maybe you will encounter the most difficult of days, and get through to the other side, wondering where you found the strength.

I strongly believe that through everything you go through as a military spouse, there will be a lesson there. Lessons you might not see right away. Lessons that might take some time to understand.

As hard as the deployments might be, you find ways to get through them. One day at a time.

You find your people, even if that takes longer than you would like. Even if that means having to say goodbye later on. You find people who will become your best friends, and you can go through this life together, even if you are miles away.

Even after 15 years, I still have my super frustrating days with the military. This summer, trips were canceled because of Guard duties. I kept trying to tell myself that this was all apart of this life, but doing that is easier said than done.

In between deployments, with no moves on the horizon, life can be pretty “normal” sometimes. You can get so used to military life just going along with your own life, without too many hiccups.

Your spouse gets home at a regular time, you enjoy the weekends together, and life just goes on. And then…orders come, or you hear rumors of deployments, and you are reminded that this is a military life. That you are a military family.

There is so much deployment advice out there. From staying busy to making friends, to trying not to sweat the small stuff. Sometimes all of that will work, and other times it won’t.

You might find yourself struggling more than everyone else. You might find yourself wondering how you can get through the next week of deployment, let alone the six months you have left. You can find yourself wishing for another type of life.

I get inspired by seasoned spouses. Those who have been doing this even longer than I have. They have so much wisdom for those of us in the weeds.

They have been there, pcsing with small children, back to back deployments, and always having to say goodbye to people they care about.

They have been there and can comfort and support when you are feeling down or unsure how the future will go.

Not everyone’s military journey looks the same. We all will go down different paths. But the military community is here for each other.

While not everyone you meet during this life will be supportive, I assure you most of us will be. We can lend a helping hand or a listening ear. We can tell you what worked for us, and what didn’t. And we can help each other through.

No matter how long you have been a military spouse, no matter how many deployments you have to go through or how many PCS moves you will make, remember, this is your military life.

This is the path you are on and you are stronger than you realize. You might not always feel that way, I certainly don’t, but time will show you that you are. The military life isn’t always easy, but it’s yours. Every step of the way.

How Deployments May Change You For the Better

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How Deployments May Change You For the Better

I have been forever changed by the years my husband has either been deployed or has been away from us. I am a different person because of them.

They are my past and will always impact my future. They have changed the way I parent, how I make friends, and will influence the choices I will make in the future.

Looking back I tend to cringe when I remember all the bad. The hard nights, the sad nights, the rough days, the breakdowns, and all of that. But if I really look into it, I know I have learned and grown as a person because of them. I know that in some ways, deployments have changed me for the better.

Gaining that independence

As much as I hate having to take care of the house all by myself when my husband is gone, as much as I hate having to be the only one making certain decisions, it has made me into a more independent person.

I have had to become one. I had no other choice. This isn’t to say I never feel like I need my husband because I do, just that I know I can do things on my own if I need to. It is a little freeing. And a little scary.

I can sympathize more with others

If I hear someone else is getting ready to send their spouse off to war, I can totally sympathize with that. I can be a listening ear, someone to talk to about the separation, and I truly understand how hard it can be to say goodbye.

I get deployment life and I can help someone else get through it. I have experienced different types of deployments too. I have been through long ones and short ones. Scary ones and more mild ones. I get that part of military life and I can offer support to others who might need it.

I am not going to take my husband for granted

I am not going to wish him away. I am going to enjoy the moments together. I will remember how hard it was to live without him. To spend over a year without him in our home.

I am going to try hard to always remember that. But doing so isn’t always easy. When my husband went away for his two-week training with the National Guard, the time apart felt close to impossible. I really had to give myself a talking to. I have gone so much longer without talking to him, I should be able to handle this.

I am more adaptable

Over the years I have found that what works for me during deployments or time apart, might not work for everyone. Staying busy helps me get through a separation, but that isn’t always an easy thing to do. And for some, just trying to do so is a big struggle.

Everyone’s situation is different so not everything is going to work for every military spouse. I have different needs now in my 40s with older kids than when I went through my first deployment in my 20s with babies.

You live and you learn in this life, and things are always changing. The key is to finding what works for you during your current deployment and always trying to find new ways to get through.

What about you? What have deployments changed about you???

Order a Brave Crate When Your Spouse Deploys, You Will Be Glad You Did

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Order a Brave Crate When Your Spouse Deploys, You Will Be Glad You Did

I received a free box for review!

I love get personal mail. Or a package. Or really anything fun. It lifts my spirits and even more so during a deployment.

That is why when I first heard about Brave Crate, I thought it was such an amazing idea! Monthly boxes just for military spouses going through a deployment? Brilliant!

I am always super excited when I get the chance to review one of the Brave Crate boxes. Each one is different and filled with so many amazing products.

Why IS Brave Crate so amazing???

  • Monthly Mail- Who doesn’t love getting mail? I LOVE it, even more so when my husband was away. I love fun boxes and cool treats. And this monthly box? It is made ALL for the military spouse.
  • Try new products- One of the best things about a monthly box is that it is filled with new products, many I have never seen before. This helps me find new small businesses to order from or to find a new product I can use and love.
  • Made just for us- I LOVE that Brave Crate is made just for military spouses going through a deployment. They have challenges and ways to use the products to get to your goals.
  • The Brave Crate Community- Did you know Brave Crate also has a Facebook group? They are pretty amazing and can be a good place to talk deployments, find new friends, and gush about the latest box.

I just received the August Brave Crate box and it made me so happy! From the cute clips to the jade crystal roller! This box was fantastic!

Here is what I got:

So if your spouse is getting ready to deploy or if they already have, make sure to sign up for your own Brave Crate monthly subscription!

How much does Brave Crate cost?

The box is $33.99/month for a 6-month subscription. Shipping for your box is only $6 no matter where you are! Brave Crate also offers monthly and 3-month subscription options.

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code SWCL and receive $5 off your first box!

Finding Yourself, When Your Spouse Deploys

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Finding Yourself, When Your Spouse Deploys

Whenever my husband is gone, I find I have a little more time for myself. I have more time to think about things, and more time to figure out what I was to do and change in my life.

Life is still busy when he is gone, sometimes even more so, but I love to take that time to reflect on well, everything.

As you go through deployments during your years as a military spouse, you will find that no matter what happens while they are gone, you will learn something new, and grow as a person.

During my first deployment, I found my inner strength and realized I could solo parent, for over a year if I needed to. This gave me the strength to get through future deployments. And while I am thankful that we have never had to go through another long deployment like that, I am thankful that I learned from it.

During our second deployment, I learned about the beauty of true friendship and what it means to help each other out. During that deployment, I found such a good friend, and we needed one another to get to the finish line. Going forward, I find the friendship of a good friend so important during military life.

During our third deployment, I battled a lot of fears. I was scared when I wasn’t before and I wasn’t even sure why. I learned to handle those fears and to figure out ways to move past them. I was able to take that into future separations.

During our fourth deployment, I realized I needed extra help. I had hit some type of wall and I couldn’t continue in the way I was going. That deployment broke me and I had to figure out how to make it work, for myself, for my kids, and for my husband.

We have gone through other separations and each one I grow in some way. Each one I learn something new. And I try to take what I have learned into the future, through military life, or anything that comes my way.

If you are going through a deployment, there are some things you can do to reflect more on your life, and learn some pretty amazing lessons along the way.

Journaling

Keeping a journal is such a good way to do this. You can spill out your thoughts and no one has to ever read them. You can read older entries and learn more about how far you have come.

Talking With a Friend

Talking things out with a good friend can also be helpful. Sometimes we can’t always see things that our friends can. And by talking to friends, we can be there for them and their journey as well.

Take Time For Yourself

We all need time to ourselves. Even if that means a nice bubble bath when your kids are sleeping in the next room over. Having time to yourself will allow you to have the mental space to work through anything you are dealing with and to figure out better ways to cope during a deployment.

Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something New

Stepping out of our comfort zone can be hard to do. But sometimes doing so leads to so many amazing things. If you have the opportunity to try something new, go for it. You never know where it might lead.

Use the time during a deployment to make some healthy changes, and learn through your challenges. You will be glad that you did.

When It Feels Like Military Life Isn’t Fair

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Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t. One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military life might be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

What on earth was I thinking???

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation.

Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of it. We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to and it took a while to figure out why that was happening.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. It really just depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule.

And this is another reason why you really never know what you signed up for. You can never really see how military life is going to pan out. You just have to “buckle your seat belt” and get ready for the ride.

You have to hope for the best while also preparing for the worst. And that isn’t always easy to do.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening, and what I need to do to prepare.

Military life makes this hard sometimes.

You might get little notice for something. Some people move with just a few weeks notice. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that it is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best as you can.

Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.