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Military Children

Our Special Needs Story

January 3, 2012 by Julie 9 Comments

Okay, I haven’t blogged about my son’s special needs much at all. I am not sure why. I have attempted to start a post about it every once in a while but never was able to write anything. In this new year, I told myself I wanted to start blogging about. Especially now that we think something could be going on with one of my other sons (which will be a different post.)

Up until the time my son was about two, there wasn’t anything about him that made me think anything was wrong. I had a very normal low-key pregnancy and birth with him. Other than jaundice he never really got too sick. Just a cold here and there. At about two though I started to wonder if something was going on. We were in Germany and I noticed that he was just not talking like the other kids his age. He had said his first words when he should have but he never really progressed past that when he should have. I use to take him to a playgroup onthe post. While there a lady from EDIS (Early Development Intervention Services) use to come by to hand out these quizzes. You would get one for whatever age your child was and filled them out to see if there was any cause for concern. I did this for Daniel and it was obvious he was pretty behind on his communication skills.

MY sonI made an appointment with EDIS since he was still under three. We did a bunch of testing and at almost three his speech was more like an 18-month-old. He was also behind in fine motor skills and social skills. Since he was just about to turn three he was eligible to start at the special needs preschool they had on the post. It took a few months but he started going four days a week for about 2.5 hours a day.

At this time, he was also going to the two-day program and they encouraged me to keep him in that too. That was a lot of school for a three-year-old but he really enjoyed it. He was/is such a social kid that it was great for him. We moved about six months later and then it was summer break. The next fall he started at the same type of preschool at a different school. Right around when he turned four he was diagnosed with having a Developmental Delay for cognitive and communication. Basically, this means that he is behind in a few areas such as speech, fine motor skills, and behavior.

Between the ages of three-five were the most difficult for me. Part of it could have been because Ben was deployed twice during that time but I really think the older Daniel gets, the better things are going to be. He is seven now and although he is still behind an average seven-year-old he has come so far. In May, he no longer needed to work with an OT. His fine motor skills are so much better now. He can write and even read a little bit. His speech is doing so much better. He still has trouble with some words and there are still some things he says that even I can’t understand but he has really grown in the last couple of years.

I remember when we first moved back to the US. He was five and I broke down because I couldn’t even have a conversation with my son. I would ask him questions and he just couldn’t respond the way he should. Now, we have conversations all the time. He can speak in full sentences, tell me stories, tell me about his day, tell me what he learned at school and all that. This is so new to us and I really treasure it.

They told me a few years ago that they think by the time he hits about the second grade he is going to be pretty caught up. I think this could be true as long as things continue to get better. Right now he is in a regular kindergarten class. Last year he was in a special needs Kindergarten. We made the decision to have him repeat Kindergarten in a regular class and now that we have a few months of the school year under our belt we are very happy we made this decision. He seems to be a little ahead academically but socially it is the right place for him.

Filed Under: Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: Special needs

Christmas when they are deployed

December 11, 2011 by Julie 3 Comments

Christmas when they are deployed Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Have you ever had a Christmas without your spouse? If you have ever gone through a Christmas when they are deployed it can be very difficult and lonely.

We have done it twice.  Once in 2005 (although not a deployment, he was in Germany and I was in the US waiting to join him) and once in 2008.  In 2006 we got lucky since I had a baby and they sent him home on R&R over Christmas.

Here are some ideas to help make the holiday season a little less lonely during a Christmas when they are deployed:

1) Plan to visit family or have them come visit you.  If you can’t be with your husband on Christmas morning, family might just be the next best thing. they can step in, keep you busy and allow you to have fun with others even if you are really missing your spouse.

2) If you can’t be with family or don’t want to be, make plans with friends.  This is what we did in 2008.  My parents were coming in January so it was just the boys and I for Christmas.  We had our time opening gifts at home and then we got together with my friend and her kids.  It made for a fun day.  Lots of playtime for the kids and lots of emotional support for us moms.

3) Make a fun gift package to send to your husband.  Check the dates to make sure he will get it in time.  If for some reason you can’t send him something, make him something and save it for him.  Even if he is going to get home in the Spring or Summer, he will still enjoy it. There are a lot of great ideas you can do for a cake package for Christmas when they are deployed.

Christmas picture4) Video tape the festivities.  He may not be able to be there in person but at least he can see how the day went.  Have the kids create a special video message for him too. Video tale opening the gifts. Being able to watch this can make your spouse feel closer to home during a Christmas when they are deployed.

5) Think about it. Think about the military life and how some years you will be apart for certain holidays but the next year you might not be.  Think about the holidays you have spent together.

6) Create new traditions.  Maybe you will save the stocking for later when he is home.  Who cares if it is February?  Have your Christmas a month early if he is leaving right before December.  Don’t worry about celebrating on the actual day.  As military family our lives are not normal, why do our holidays have to be?

7) Remember you are not alone.  I know it is easy to think that you are the only one without your husband during Christmas but it just isn’t true.  There are a lot of other spouses in your shoes.  Some in the military, some are apart for other reasons.  You aren’t the only one, even if it feels like it.

For more tips to get through the holidays, check out the Care.com Interview Series.  Also check out the Care.com Military Families page for a lot of great resources for Military families.

Filed Under: Deployment, Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: christmas, Deployment

Painting the House

September 22, 2011 by Julie 5 Comments

Picking out Paint at Home Depot

One thing about our new house is that all the walls were a weird gold/orange color.  We knew we wanted to paint every room.  We started on a Thursday.  Went early to buy all the paint and got going right away.  We finished on Sunday afternoon.  We still actually have to paint the stairs/hallway and our bathroom but we 1) Ran out of paint 2) Are not sure what we want in the bathroom 3) Needed a break from painting.

Behr Paint from Home Depot

We started with the upstairs rooms.  Our two older boys share a room and we went with a pretty blue in there.   The baby’s room was going to be green but I changed my mind and decided to go with a bright blue.  I would like to have the room be blue, lime green and orange and slowly working on that.  For the office, we went to Scotland Yard which is a light green.  I love it.  So calming and soothing.  For the bathroom, we went with Cool Dusk, a darker blue.  I found a cute Monkey shower curtain so we are going with that theme so far.

Painting Our HouseAfter we finished the upstairs we started on the downstairs.  For the Master bedroom, we went with a dark green.  Not sure I was going to like it but after 10 days here I am loving it.  Still need to find some new bedding and another decor to match it.  For the living room and hallways, we went with a  pretty shade of green.  I just adore it!  I am so happy with this color.  The kitchen is yellow which I have always wanted.  It was the hardest color to paint but worth it.

I knew it was going to be a lot of work but so glad we did decide to paint what we did.  We are so much happier with the colors that we got to chose.  Not only does it look better in our opinion but it is nice to know WE got to pick all the colors.  The house is personalized for us, not some other family.

Filed Under: Military Children, Military Life

Military Homecoming Photos

July 27, 2011 by Julie 6 Comments


Military Homecoming Photos
Military Homecoming Photos

Military Homecoming Photos

Military Homecoming Photos

Wordless Wednesday: Homecoming

 

Filed Under: Deployment, Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: Homecoming

The Birth Story

December 6, 2010 by Julie 12 Comments

My Birth Story

On Tues, Nov 16th I had a rough day.  I had met Ben for lunch and we walked around the PX a bit.  Oliver North was doing a book signing so I got some pictures of that.  Then I planned to do some shopping after Ben went back to work.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  I felt icky & tired.  I finally made it home just a bit before DW’s bus came home.  I just wanted to lay down.  Later that night after everyone else was asleep I sat in the rocker and tried to watch some of my tv shows.  I started feeling some pains.  Keep in mind that for the past 2 weeks or so I was having some very random contractions that had no pattern to them.  But these seemed to have some sort of rhythm.  It was 12:30 and I wasn’t sure what to do.  I decided that I would try to sleep.  If I could, I could.  If the pain kept me up, well something was happening.

I was able to sleep a little but woke up at about 2:45ish with pain.  This pain was worse and I wasn’t sure I could sleep again.  After about 15 mins of trying I couldn’t.  Ben had been up off and on all night and was having trouble sleeping himself.  So between 3:00-3:30 we watched and debated on what to do.  Finally decided to call my friend to come over to be with the sleeping boys and head to the hospital.

We got there right about 4 am.  They had us wait about 10 minutes in the waiting room and then took me back.  They asked me a ton of questions and I was contracting through all of it.  They had me on the monitors and as I laid there I had to figure out my final decision about the epidural.  It was hard for me.  My other 2 I had totally natural.  I was super committed to that choice then and was able to do it.  I just wasn’t feeling it this time.  In the end, I made the decision to get one.  They checked me and I was at 4.  I had decided if I was less than that I would want to wait on the epidural but it felt like things were moving along.

They had to test my blood and put in an IV, which I just seemed to be okay with.  I went to the delivery room and everything got set up.  As we moved my contractions just kept coming on.  They were getting really painful and really uncomfortable.  I just kept trying to breathe through them while holding on tightly to Ben.  I was so thankful he was there with me.  Just feeling him around me was so nice.

Well by the time we got into the delivery room I want to say it was after 5?  I can’t totally remember.  I contracted a bit and was feeling like I was getting to a pretty painful place.  The lady came in with the epidural and putting it in went better than I thought.  Ben was right there with me the whole time too.  After it went in she told me it would take a few contractions to work.

This is when it got fun.  I had 2 contractions that felt really bad.  Like the end of labor, about to have the baby bad.  Then I felt tons and tons of pressure.  They checked me and the nurse say, “There is no more cervix” and I guess I said, “What?  Where did it go?”  Ben was cracking up.  But I knew I was complete and I knew that pressure was my body saying it was time to push.

The midwife was right there and told me to push once and so I did.  Then told me to do it again and he was out.  I was amazed at how fast it was!  He was born right at 6:11am.  His cord was wrapped around his neck so Ben didn’t get to cut it but that was ok.  I was just glad everything was going so well.

It was so weird as I felt like the last few weeks were dragging on and on.  I was feeling random contractions, so icky and then bam when active labor started, it started and he was born right away.

I really felt at peace with this birth.  I felt like I made the right decisions and that everything worked out ok.  Of course, I am dealing with the Bell’s Palsy which is not ideal but everything else seems to turn out well.  I was pleased with the hospital and how nice everyone was to us.  The only thing was how hard it is to be there, getting used to breastfeeding, finally having the baby sleep and then they come in to check your stats again.

I feel like this pregnancy was the hardest one, yet maybe the “easiest” labor.  It wasn’t easy of course but out of the 3 I felt it was.  I also feel totally content with this as my last baby.  Our family feels complete and it is a great feeling 🙂

And I am loving having THREE boys.  It’s great and it will be even more fun as Joshua gets older I imagine.  It’s like God knew this was the perfect family for me to have 🙂

And I thank God everyday that Ben was here and he is still home with us.  We are still in waiting mode to see when he has to go but I look at every extra day as a great thing.

Filed Under: Military Children Tagged With: little boys, military kids

I Got Bell’s Palsy After I Gave Birth

November 27, 2010 by Julie Leave a Comment

I Got Bell's Palsy After I Gave Birth

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke up and my mouth was all weird. My ear also hurt. I wasn’t sure what was going on but when I woke up Friday morning feeling even worse I figured it was time to go into the doctor to see what was going on.  Well we went in and I have Bell’s Palsy which can happen in your 3rd trimester or after you give birth.  They told me it will take about 6-8 weeks to clear up.  Fun.

Basically, half of my face is drooping.  My right eye doesn’t blink or even close all the way. So I have eye drops for during the day and eye cream for the night.  I also have to tape the eye shut when I sleep.  My mouth just doesn’t work right.  I have trouble eating and feel like I am giving my mouth a workout when I do.  I can’t say certain words the right way. And when I try to smile it is scary.  I feel like I am smiling but I look like I am pissed off or something.  It’s all very odd.

They told me 6-8 weeks but hoping it can go away faster than that.  But at least I know what is wrong with me now and don’t have to keep wondering.

I will just have to explain to Joshua one day why I look a little mad in all the newborn pictures of him and me together.

My husband is going back to work this next week which I am a little nervous about.  His mom will be here a few more days and then my mom is coming out for about 12 days.

I am hoping that we can get through this time without too much trouble. Bell’s Palsy sounds so scary and you really don’t know how it will affect you long term.

Filed Under: Military Children Tagged With: motherhood

8 Months Pregnant and Tired all the Time

October 7, 2010 by Julie 5 Comments

8 Months Pregnant and Tired all the Time

This post contains affiliate links!

8 Months Pregnant and Tired all the Time

I realized today that I am 8 months pregnant. That sounds so weird. But boy am I feeling it. I am tired, my feet hurt, my legs hurt, I have to pee every hour it seems and just feeling so uncomfortable. I think most women at 8 months pregnant can relate to that. I am hoping to find some relief by resting more but that is hard to do with other small children in the house.

Have you read, What to Expect When You’re Expecting?

I had my Midwife appointment on Monday.  I tested negative on my GTT test and my iron looks good.  I am gaining more weight than she would like though so been trying to walk more. This seems to happen every pregnancy no matter what I do.

She also said I was measuring 3 weeks ahead.  I asked if that could mean my due date was off and she didn’t think so.  She said she would do an ultrasound if I still was next appointment.  I admit I would love another ultrasound but we will see how it goes.

From asking a ton of people, measuring 3 weeks ahead could mean nothing, it could mean a bigger baby, it could mean an earlier baby or it could mean my dates are off.  Who knows really?  I guess we just have to wait and find out.

She said she would do a C-section if she thought the baby was over 11lbs but I don’t think that will be an issue. I don’t like to hear about C-sections being given for babies that appear bigger than they might really be. I have had friends have them for that reason only for the baby to be born a lot smaller than they thought.

My parents are here visiting and we have been having fun. Tonight my husband and I got to go out for Mexican food. It seems like in our pre-kid days we went out for Mexican a lot so it was neat to do that with him.  Tomorrow I think we are going to go to the movies. Trying to take advantage of life before we become a family of five.

I have been so tired that I have been more of an online “reader” this week vs a “poster.”  Hoping next week will be a little better and I will get out of my little funk.

How did you survive the last few weeks of pregnancy???

Filed Under: Military Children

When You Have To Fill The Role Of Mom And Dad

June 7, 2010 by Julie Leave a Comment

When You Have To Fill The Role Of Mom And Dad

One reality of being a military wife is that for periods of time I have to be both mom and dad.  I have to do it all.  And that can be really really hard.  I have had to make a lot of decisions that other couples might make together.  And then I get to tell daddy after the fact.

This is because of schedules and what he has been doing while overseas. While I could talk with him it was hard to ask him about what I should do when it came to the kids. It was easier to just figure it all out for myself. I was the one with the kids on a day to day basis and he wasn’t. Kids change so much when they are little that when a military member is overseas for a longer length of time they really do not know their own children anymore.

I had to make the decision to get my son tested for his speech delay.  I had to make the decision to supplement with formula.  I had to be the one to potty train my son all by myself.  If your husband is in the military, you know exactly what I mean.  It can be very difficult having to make these decisions by yourself, not having your other half there to evaluate and help you decide.  Even when you can ask them, they might not know what to tell you because they are not there to see the whole picture.
20071209_75 - Copy

We are the sole disciplinarian for months at a time.  We decide when dinnertime is, when bedtime is and when playtime is.   Then they come home…

Now, what?  All of a sudden you no longer have to be both mom and dad.  You no longer are the only parent in the house.  But sometimes that can be a really hard transition.  And then once you do get it all worked out, they have to leave again.

This can be a frustrating part of living the military life. It takes a lot of patience from both of you to figure out the best way for Dad to find his way back into the family. Some children will react differently than others and it is important to remember this. Some kids will get used to the other parent right away and others won’t. Many tears will be shed over it and you might even find yourself thinking that it was easier in some ways when they were not there. Then you stop yourself and realize that no, it was much harder and if you can get through this transition your whole family will be better for it.

I imagine life will be like this for us until the day comes that my husband is not longer in the Army.  It’s just something we have to work at and struggle with.

What are your tips for the parent coming back into the family after being away for a time? What has worked in your family?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Filed Under: Deployment, Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: solo parenting

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

 

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I first became a military spouse in 2005 when my husband of 3 years re-joined the Army. Then, in 2014, he joined the National Guard. In January of 2024, he retired from the National Guard after 21 years of service.

During our time in the military, we got to spend 4 years in Germany as well as Tennessee where we now call home.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you through my articles and social media posts.

 

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