Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Guide to the First 30 Days of a Deployment

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Guide to the First 30 Days of a Deployment!

Deployment! I know I talk about deployment quite a bit on this blog. Deployments have been such a part of my life for so long, I have a lot to share. As time goes by, I get further away from my deployments but they still will always stick with me.

I have been thinking about what I would need if I was a new Military spouse getting ready for her first deployment. I know I would need encouragement, I would need to know it was going to be okay, and I think some sort of guide would help.

Guide to the First 30 Days of a Deployment

I remember reading in a magazine years ago that the first 30 days of a breakup are the hardest. This followed with an article about what to do each day to move ahead. A deployment is like a breakup in some ways. Although it is one that doesn’t last forever. You go through a lot of similar feelings of loss and sadness. Of wondering if there was a way your spouse didn’t have to get deployed and then eventually coming to some type of acceptance.

So here we go…

Your guide to the first 30 days of deployment.

Day 1 will be the day they leave, usually, it has been the morning for us so I did have a full day to get through before bedtime. If your spouse deploys at night, you can call the next day Day 1.

Day 1- Breathe. Relax. Get your kids together and tell them that you are all going to get through this. That you are there for them and you will make it through.

Day 2- Come up with a plan. A list of things you will do when your spouse is gone. Work on your hobbies? Redo the kitchen? Come up with at least 10 different projects you can focus on.

Day 3- Make a list of 5 friends you can call. When you want to get together with someone. Or if you really need something. Don’t be afraid to ask for help during the deployment.

Day 4- Buy some pretty stationary to write love letters on. You will be glad you did.

Day 5- Call your mom and cry your eyes out. If you don’t have a good relationship with her, call your Mother-In-Law, your sister or someone you can cry to. It’s okay to cry about this.

Day 6- Go get some ice cream or a yummy treat. You need it. You have made it almost a week.

Day 7- Find a new book to read. Go to the library and pick out a few. Ask your friends for suggestions.

Day 8– Start your first care package. Make it a themed one. Put all his favorite items in there.

Day 9- Start on your project list if you haven’t already. Complete at least one of them. Want to paint something? Pick a day you will do that, buy the paint and get started.

Day 10- Plan to have people over. Don’t know anyone in town? See if you can attend an event to meet people.

Day 11- Take your kids somewhere you have never been before. Maybe it is a new park. Maybe it is a new mall. Do something you haven’t done in the past. And take pictures.

Day 12– Write in your journal. Get it all out. Don’t have one? Go buy something pretty and start using it. You will be glad you did.

Day 13- Make a nice dinner. No cereal tonight. You are almost two weeks in. You got this.

Day 14- Plan a trip during the deployment. Make plans to visit home. If you can’t afford to travel, try a day trip. Put something on the calendar to look forward to.

Day 15- Try to attend an FRG meeting. Find out when the next one is and put it on the calendar. They might get a bad rap sometimes but they also can be a good way to connect.

Day 16- Start another one of your projects. Make plans to get it done.

Day 17- Binge watch a show. It’s okay. If you can’t binge watch, find time to watch a few episodes. Take your mind off the stresses of the last few weeks.

Day 18- Buy some bubble bath and enjoy. Grab your book and soak for a bit. You might have to wait until the kids are in bed but it will be worth it.

Day 19- Send another love letter. Make it silly. Spray some of your perfume. Why not?

Day 20- Talk to your spouse about an after deployment trip. Just throw out some ideas. You will want to go somewhere if only for a day or two.

Day 21- Invite a friend out for coffee even if you don’t feel like it. Talking with others will be good for you. It will be nice to get out and enjoy some girl time.

Day 22- Buy a new piece of clothing. On a tight budget? Hit the thrift stores. Just find something new for you.

Day 23- Join a new group. Heard of a book club you always wanted to try? Send an email and find out more details. Connecting with others will really help the time go by faster.

Day 24- Plan a potluck to celebrate one month down. Invite other spouses going through a deployment. It might seem like a little thing but making it through that first month is a big deal.

Day 25- Call his mom. She might be worried. She might be lonely. It will be good to hear from you. You are the two people in the world that miss that man more than anyone else.

Day 26- Start exercising every day if you don’t already do this. It is a great stress reliever.

Day 27- Plan another package. Ask your spouse what they need.

Day 28- Start a blog. Blogging during a deployment can be a great way to get things out. Don’t forget about OPSEC.

Day 29- Take your camera out for a photo walk. Doesn’t matter what kind of camera. It will do your heart good to get out there and take some new pictures.

Day 30- Celebrate the fact that you are now 30 days in. You are on your way. You got this deployment! You are making it, even if it is just a day at a time.

Going through a deployment right now? I hope this helps a bit!

Just know that you are not alone and a lot of us Military spouses have been through it before.

Want a Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

5 Ways Deployments Changed Me For The Better

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5 Ways Deployments Changed Me For The Better

Deployments! My husband has been home from his last deployment for about 18 months now. He got back a little before Christmas of 2013. It was his 4th deployment and it was a very difficult one for me. I am not sure if it was because I carried the weight of the other three, if I knew it was probably going to be his last one or if I never thought he would actually be going until two weeks before. It was stressful , but somehow I made it through those 6 months and came out the other side.

I have 4 deployments in my past and they will always stay with me. The good times, the bad times, soldiers lost, new friends found, finding the good in them, trying to handle the bad. I was forever changed by the years my husband was at war. I am a different person because of them. They are my past and will always impact my future. They have changed the way I parent, how I make friends and have clouded choices I make in the future.

Looking back I tend to cringe when I remember all the bad. The hard nights, the sad nights, the rough days, the breakdowns and all of that. But if I really look into it, I know I have learned and grown as a person because of them. I know that in some ways, deployments changed me for the better.

Independence

As much as I hate having to take care of the house when my husband is gone, as much as I hate having to be the only one making certain decisions, it has made me into a more independent person. I have had to become one. I had no other choice. This isn’t to say I never feel like I need my husband because I do, just that I know I can do things on my own if I need to. It is a little freeing. And a little scary.

Keeping Busy

Through all the days I spent without my husband home, I have learned how to stay busy. I feel like I work hard to create a balance of just enough busyness not to drive myself crazy. I can find stuff for us to do, I can make plans to fill the calendar. I am never ever bored because I always keep going. I can’t just not make any plans because that means we will start to get too lonely and I can’t stand that feeling.

I know how people get through impossible things

If I hear about someone losing a child, losing a home, losing a marriage…I never tell them I could never go through what they are going through. Why? Because although I have never been through those types of tragedies, I know that when you are in a very hard and impossible situation, you do what you have to do to get through it. You cry, you vent, you pray and you make your way to the next day. You get through it because you have it. You have no choice.

I can sympathize with others

If I hear someone else is getting ready to send their spouse off to war, I can totally sympathize with that. I can be a listening ear, someone to talk to about it, I truly understand how hard it can be to say goodbye. I get it and I can help someone else get through it. I have experienced different types of deployments too. I have been through long ones and short ones. Scary ones and more mild ones. I get it and I can offer support to others who might need it.

I am not going to take my husband for granted

I am not going to wish him away. I am going to enjoy the moments together. I will remember how hard it was to live without him. To spend over a year without him in our home. I am going to try hard to always remember that. It isn’t always easy. When my husband went away for his two-week training with the Guard, it felt impossible. I really had to give myself a talking to. I have gone so much longer without talking to him, I should be able to handle this.

What about you? What have deployments changed about you???

What You Might Miss The Most During A Deployment

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What You Might Miss The Most During A Deployment

We all know that there are positives to every deployment. We also know how hard they can be and how badly you might miss your spouse when they are away. Sometimes it is just the little everyday things that you miss the most.

This is my list of what I missed the most when he was gone on a deployment…

* Being with me when the boys have activities like soccer practice/games.  I video tape but still…not the same!

* My weekend “break”- When my husband is home I am able to get out for a few hours all by myself.  Even if it is a 15 minute run to the store.

* Sundays after church- I just want to go out to lunch with my husband, I miss that when he is not home.

* Sundays at church- I miss sitting by him & holding hands during the service. It is just not the same sitting there with just the kids or even by myself.

* Having someone to bounce little ideas/questions off of.  I like hearing his opinion about life and whatever might be on my mind. I can also ask him if I am just being crazy about something or just his thought on the subject.

* Watching a movie with him.  I end up watching more movies when he is gone but I love it when we can watch them together. And then talk about how weird or silly they were.

* Hearing his opinion on shows like the Bachelor or Army Wives.  He just cracks me up with his thoughts.  I always miss that humor.

* His jokes.  My husband is a very silly man and always trying to make a joke.   Even if they are pretty corny, I miss them when he is not around. I find myself craving his jokes because they are very much a part of who he is.

Distance is hard, and missing the day-to-day can really get to you. On the other hand, it can really make you appreciate your time together even more. When he is home, you can be thankful for all those little moments that you have together. I know that since my husband joined the Army in 2005, I have been able to really appreciate all the little things when he is home.

 What would you add to this list? What do you miss the most during a deployment???

 

 

 

 

Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget

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Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget

So your husband is gone. You no longer have him to help with your kids. No more easy trips to the store to pick up a few things, no more ladies nights, you pretty much have to bring your kids everywhere you need to go.

You can get a babysitter which is nice, but using one often can add up. I know here in Tennessee you will end up paying close to $10/hour for a good sitter. So what do you do when you just can’t afford that but need to have some time for yourself? How do you handle life when you need that break but it feels like that $10/hour is way out of your budget?

This is how I have done c without having to spend a lot of money.

  • Trade with a friend. Find someone you trust with your kids and trade-off on babysitting. Neither one of you has to pay a dime. You can do it weekly or monthly or as often as you would like. During one of our deployments my friend and I took turns watching each other kids while we went grocery shopping. It was so nice to be able to do it alone and not have to take my kids with me. We even took turns to go to church on Easter Sunday.
  • Take advantage of hourly care. Most duty stations will have a CDC hourly care for you to use. You will just need to sign your kids up at your local CYSS. You will renew yearly from then on. When we were in Germany we were given 16 hours of free care during the deployment. Here at Ft. Campbell we were able to get half-price hourly care which is $2.00 an hour. Not a bad deal at all and they feed them breakfast and lunch if they are there at meal times. I started using hourly care when my oldest was about 20 months old and I was pregnant and I knew I would need something as my husband was getting ready to deploy.
  • Take advantage of Parent’s Night Out and Super Saturdays. At each post we have been stationed at they have had Super Saturdays for us to use during the deployment and a few months after he got home. We drop the kids off at 9am and pick them up by 5pm. This was so nice when my husband was gone. I was able to meet friends and shop or just take some time to myself. It definitely made the weekend go by a lot faster. Now that he is home and we can still use it for a bit we are having a great time with spending the day together. Other places in town such as a local church or the YMCA might have Parent’s Night out for you to use. See what is available in your area. You might be surprised at what you can find.

 

How have you been able to find Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget?

Should You Live On Post During A Deployment?

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20110129-IMG_9646-2One question a lot of people have is if it is better to live on post during a deployment or not. Most Military families know that a deployment or even a time of separation is in their future. They have to ask themselves what would be best.

I think that question is a hard one to answer. For some, on post living is best. For others, it is a different story.

Here are a few things to think about when it comes to living on or off post during a deployment-

  • When you live on post, you have better access to what the post offers. This really depends on what your own duty station offers and what the city you would be living in offers. For us here at Ft. Campbell, there is a lot to do on post. Since we live off and I didn’t want to drive to post everyday, it was not as easy as it is for those that live there. We don’t do as much just because it is harder to put in the schedule. During a deployment you should be able to received some free or low-cost items for your kids. Here we only have to pay $2/hour for hourly care and each child gets money towards SKIES programs. Being on post can help you take advantage of these benefits a little easier.
  • Where do the majority of your friends live? For our first two deployments we were either on post or in Government leased housing. We were surrounded by Military which meant that a lot of my friends lived right by me and they too were going through deployments. We were all dealing with it together. This made it a lot easier to get together and we could see each other almost daily without too much trouble. We could make last-minute plans and it wasn’t a huge deal. For our 3rd and 4th deployments we lived off post away from others who were going through deployments. I could tell the difference. On the flip side if you have some really amazing neighbors, they might be able to really help you out when your spouse is gone. It just depends on where you live and who you live by.
  • It might be best for your to live off post during a deployment if you like your own space.  If your spouse is deployed, you might not even need to go on post very often. Some people need that break from the daily Military life. If you own your own home you might enjoy working on your house while your spouse is gone. You have a lot more freedom then you do on post. If your servicemember is planning to ETS right after the deployment, you might even decide to take the kids and move to where you plan to live after the Military.

I know for myself that if I was going to have to do it over again, I would most likely want to be on post for a deployment. I think it makes it a little easier for everyone. I would have better access to the activities and people that would help be get through the deployment.

What do you think based on your own experiences?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Journey Through Deployment Book Review

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned below for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”Journeycover_3D

I love all the support that is out there for us Military spouses. I got the privilege of reviewing an E-book by fellow Blogger and Military Spouse, Kathryn Sneed. Kathryn has been blogging at Singing Through the Rain since 2011. Her blog is a supportive blog for Military spouses and one of my favorites!

Journey Through Deployment: Stepping Forward with Confidence During Military Separations is filled with:

  • Tips for preparing yourself and your family for deployment.
  • Hope and encouragement to get you through deployment.
  • A section for civilians to learn what military life is like.
  • Tips for preparing yourself and your family for reintegration.
  • Stories, lessons, and journeys of other military spouses just like you!

I read this book as we finished up our fourth deployment and I can tell you it is filled with a lot of great advice for anyone going through a deployment. When your spouse first leaves it can be overwhelming. You might not know how you should feel or if what you are feeling is okay. Having a book like this will help you understand that you are not alone. It can also teach you what to expect as the deployment goes on. I would have loved to have read something like this during our first deployment.

I also enjoyed the stories the author added and advice from other spouses. It really helps to hear from different people as different people do have different deployment experiences.

You can purchase Journey Through Deployment at Amazon or as a PDF file.

Our Very Last Homecoming

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1503854_10202746991981878_545705499_nI rolled over and realized I had actually slept some the night before. However, it was only about 4 am. I didn’t care. Today was THE day and I figured if I got up and started getting ready, I would have enough time to do what I needed to do before the boys woke up. I plugged in the curlers and I got dressed into the outfit that had been hanging in my closet for about two months. It was just a red sweater and some jeans. I had also bought some new jewelry to go with it. I put the rollers in my hair and tried to eat a little breakfast.

I walked in the boy’s room and my oldest said to me, “Is today the day? Do we have to go to school today?” I had told him earlier that most likely Daddy was coming home on Tuesday and if this were true they would not have to go to school. I also told them that things could change so we wouldn’t know for sure until that morning. Somehow nothing changed from the 14 days call we got about the timing of the welcome home. I thought the date was neat because on December 17, 2006, my husband came back from Iraq for R&R and met his 2nd little boy for the first time. And here we were, 7 years later, getting ready to pick up Daddy from his very last deployment ever.

1499435_10153587602075705_1665278632_nWe have some friends who were going to come with me to help with the boys. I also had another friend coming to take photos. We left the house at about 7am and made our way to Ft. Campbell to find the buses. When we pulled into the parking lot and I could see the other wives, moms and family members it started to feel very real. This was it. The Homecoming. The day everyone who has ever had a deployed spouse has been waiting for.

We got out of the car and made our way to the bus. I knew the boys would be fine with it and think it was fun. The bus ride to the hangar didn’t take very long either. We got out and walked inside. We were greeted by a nice man who told us that there were a lot of snacks and drinks that we could have if we got hungry. The hanger was starting to fill up with people. I noticed quite a lot of Moms and Dads and knew they were waiting for their sons to come home. I saw wives and wives with little babies but not too many wives with older children.

We decided to go hang out in the kids room which was nice. At that time we were not sure how much longer we would have. Time passed, we chatted and let the kids play. We went outside for a bit but it was really too cold to just hang out there. We went back inside and took some “waiting” photos.

Before we knew it they told us to go outside as the plane would be landing soon. Everyone was outside holding signs and just waiting to see the plane. Then my friend said, “I saw it, over there, behind the building.”

By this point you KNOW your soldier is coming home but there is just something about seeing the actual plane that makes you feel like it is really true. Just seeing it land right in front of you is amazing. The plane landed, we all cheered and watched it turn around and try to connect with the stairs. It did and after what seemed like forever, the doors opened and soldiers started coming out. They were pretty far away but I noticed that the fourth guy in walked like my husband. He was the right height too. My friend who was taking photos was able to get a closer picture and it was him! So exciting for us! Once we knew it was him we ran to the other side of the waiting area to see him walk by.

1468705_10202746997582018_945491513_nAfter that we went back inside to find a seat. As we did this we noticed that we could see Ben through the small opening. That was pretty sweet. Before we knew it the men walked in. They have to be very serious when they do this. The rest was pretty much a blur as I was just waiting for them to release everyone. I had told my friend that I wanted to go to Ben first and then the kids could follow me. Once they gave the ok, I sprinted as fast as I could into Ben’s arms. I actually jumped into his arms which I had never done before.  It was over…finally. The last 6.5 months were over and he was finally in my arms again. The boys followed me and finally got to be back with their Daddy.

It felt like such a very long road for us. This deployment was something else but now I can finally say that it IS a part of our past and is no longer our normal.