Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

What You Might Miss The Most During A Deployment

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What You Might Miss The Most During A Deployment

We all know that there are positives to every deployment. We also know how hard they can be and how badly you might miss your spouse when they are away. Sometimes it is just the little everyday things that you miss the most.

This is my list of what I missed the most when he was gone on a deployment…

* Being with me when the boys have activities like soccer practice/games.  I video tape but still…not the same!

* My weekend “break”- When my husband is home I am able to get out for a few hours all by myself.  Even if it is a 15 minute run to the store.

* Sundays after church- I just want to go out to lunch with my husband, I miss that when he is not home.

* Sundays at church- I miss sitting by him & holding hands during the service. It is just not the same sitting there with just the kids or even by myself.

* Having someone to bounce little ideas/questions off of.  I like hearing his opinion about life and whatever might be on my mind. I can also ask him if I am just being crazy about something or just his thought on the subject.

* Watching a movie with him.  I end up watching more movies when he is gone but I love it when we can watch them together. And then talk about how weird or silly they were.

* Hearing his opinion on shows like the Bachelor or Army Wives.  He just cracks me up with his thoughts.  I always miss that humor.

* His jokes.  My husband is a very silly man and always trying to make a joke.   Even if they are pretty corny, I miss them when he is not around. I find myself craving his jokes because they are very much a part of who he is.

Distance is hard, and missing the day-to-day can really get to you. On the other hand, it can really make you appreciate your time together even more. When he is home, you can be thankful for all those little moments that you have together. I know that since my husband joined the Army in 2005, I have been able to really appreciate all the little things when he is home.

 What would you add to this list? What do you miss the most during a deployment???

 

 

 

 

Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget

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Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget

So your husband is gone. You no longer have him to help with your kids. No more easy trips to the store to pick up a few things, no more ladies nights, you pretty much have to bring your kids everywhere you need to go.

You can get a babysitter which is nice, but using one often can add up. I know here in Tennessee you will end up paying close to $10/hour for a good sitter. So what do you do when you just can’t afford that but need to have some time for yourself? How do you handle life when you need that break but it feels like that $10/hour is way out of your budget?

This is how I have done c without having to spend a lot of money.

  • Trade with a friend. Find someone you trust with your kids and trade-off on babysitting. Neither one of you has to pay a dime. You can do it weekly or monthly or as often as you would like. During one of our deployments my friend and I took turns watching each other kids while we went grocery shopping. It was so nice to be able to do it alone and not have to take my kids with me. We even took turns to go to church on Easter Sunday.
  • Take advantage of hourly care. Most duty stations will have a CDC hourly care for you to use. You will just need to sign your kids up at your local CYSS. You will renew yearly from then on. When we were in Germany we were given 16 hours of free care during the deployment. Here at Ft. Campbell we were able to get half-price hourly care which is $2.00 an hour. Not a bad deal at all and they feed them breakfast and lunch if they are there at meal times. I started using hourly care when my oldest was about 20 months old and I was pregnant and I knew I would need something as my husband was getting ready to deploy.
  • Take advantage of Parent’s Night Out and Super Saturdays. At each post we have been stationed at they have had Super Saturdays for us to use during the deployment and a few months after he got home. We drop the kids off at 9am and pick them up by 5pm. This was so nice when my husband was gone. I was able to meet friends and shop or just take some time to myself. It definitely made the weekend go by a lot faster. Now that he is home and we can still use it for a bit we are having a great time with spending the day together. Other places in town such as a local church or the YMCA might have Parent’s Night out for you to use. See what is available in your area. You might be surprised at what you can find.

 

How have you been able to find Childcare During Deployments When You Are On A Budget?

Should You Live On Post During A Deployment?

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20110129-IMG_9646-2One question a lot of people have is if it is better to live on post during a deployment or not. Most Military families know that a deployment or even a time of separation is in their future. They have to ask themselves what would be best.

I think that question is a hard one to answer. For some, on post living is best. For others, it is a different story.

Here are a few things to think about when it comes to living on or off post during a deployment-

  • When you live on post, you have better access to what the post offers. This really depends on what your own duty station offers and what the city you would be living in offers. For us here at Ft. Campbell, there is a lot to do on post. Since we live off and I didn’t want to drive to post everyday, it was not as easy as it is for those that live there. We don’t do as much just because it is harder to put in the schedule. During a deployment you should be able to received some free or low-cost items for your kids. Here we only have to pay $2/hour for hourly care and each child gets money towards SKIES programs. Being on post can help you take advantage of these benefits a little easier.
  • Where do the majority of your friends live? For our first two deployments we were either on post or in Government leased housing. We were surrounded by Military which meant that a lot of my friends lived right by me and they too were going through deployments. We were all dealing with it together. This made it a lot easier to get together and we could see each other almost daily without too much trouble. We could make last-minute plans and it wasn’t a huge deal. For our 3rd and 4th deployments we lived off post away from others who were going through deployments. I could tell the difference. On the flip side if you have some really amazing neighbors, they might be able to really help you out when your spouse is gone. It just depends on where you live and who you live by.
  • It might be best for your to live off post during a deployment if you like your own space.  If your spouse is deployed, you might not even need to go on post very often. Some people need that break from the daily Military life. If you own your own home you might enjoy working on your house while your spouse is gone. You have a lot more freedom then you do on post. If your servicemember is planning to ETS right after the deployment, you might even decide to take the kids and move to where you plan to live after the Military.

I know for myself that if I was going to have to do it over again, I would most likely want to be on post for a deployment. I think it makes it a little easier for everyone. I would have better access to the activities and people that would help be get through the deployment.

What do you think based on your own experiences?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Journey Through Deployment Book Review

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned below for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”Journeycover_3D

I love all the support that is out there for us Military spouses. I got the privilege of reviewing an E-book by fellow Blogger and Military Spouse, Kathryn Sneed. Kathryn has been blogging at Singing Through the Rain since 2011. Her blog is a supportive blog for Military spouses and one of my favorites!

Journey Through Deployment: Stepping Forward with Confidence During Military Separations is filled with:

  • Tips for preparing yourself and your family for deployment.
  • Hope and encouragement to get you through deployment.
  • A section for civilians to learn what military life is like.
  • Tips for preparing yourself and your family for reintegration.
  • Stories, lessons, and journeys of other military spouses just like you!

I read this book as we finished up our fourth deployment and I can tell you it is filled with a lot of great advice for anyone going through a deployment. When your spouse first leaves it can be overwhelming. You might not know how you should feel or if what you are feeling is okay. Having a book like this will help you understand that you are not alone. It can also teach you what to expect as the deployment goes on. I would have loved to have read something like this during our first deployment.

I also enjoyed the stories the author added and advice from other spouses. It really helps to hear from different people as different people do have different deployment experiences.

You can purchase Journey Through Deployment at Amazon or as a PDF file.

Our Very Last Homecoming

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1503854_10202746991981878_545705499_nI rolled over and realized I had actually slept some the night before. However, it was only about 4 am. I didn’t care. Today was THE day and I figured if I got up and started getting ready, I would have enough time to do what I needed to do before the boys woke up. I plugged in the curlers and I got dressed into the outfit that had been hanging in my closet for about two months. It was just a red sweater and some jeans. I had also bought some new jewelry to go with it. I put the rollers in my hair and tried to eat a little breakfast.

I walked in the boy’s room and my oldest said to me, “Is today the day? Do we have to go to school today?” I had told him earlier that most likely Daddy was coming home on Tuesday and if this were true they would not have to go to school. I also told them that things could change so we wouldn’t know for sure until that morning. Somehow nothing changed from the 14 days call we got about the timing of the welcome home. I thought the date was neat because on December 17, 2006, my husband came back from Iraq for R&R and met his 2nd little boy for the first time. And here we were, 7 years later, getting ready to pick up Daddy from his very last deployment ever.

1499435_10153587602075705_1665278632_nWe have some friends who were going to come with me to help with the boys. I also had another friend coming to take photos. We left the house at about 7am and made our way to Ft. Campbell to find the buses. When we pulled into the parking lot and I could see the other wives, moms and family members it started to feel very real. This was it. The Homecoming. The day everyone who has ever had a deployed spouse has been waiting for.

We got out of the car and made our way to the bus. I knew the boys would be fine with it and think it was fun. The bus ride to the hangar didn’t take very long either. We got out and walked inside. We were greeted by a nice man who told us that there were a lot of snacks and drinks that we could have if we got hungry. The hanger was starting to fill up with people. I noticed quite a lot of Moms and Dads and knew they were waiting for their sons to come home. I saw wives and wives with little babies but not too many wives with older children.

We decided to go hang out in the kids room which was nice. At that time we were not sure how much longer we would have. Time passed, we chatted and let the kids play. We went outside for a bit but it was really too cold to just hang out there. We went back inside and took some “waiting” photos.

Before we knew it they told us to go outside as the plane would be landing soon. Everyone was outside holding signs and just waiting to see the plane. Then my friend said, “I saw it, over there, behind the building.”

By this point you KNOW your soldier is coming home but there is just something about seeing the actual plane that makes you feel like it is really true. Just seeing it land right in front of you is amazing. The plane landed, we all cheered and watched it turn around and try to connect with the stairs. It did and after what seemed like forever, the doors opened and soldiers started coming out. They were pretty far away but I noticed that the fourth guy in walked like my husband. He was the right height too. My friend who was taking photos was able to get a closer picture and it was him! So exciting for us! Once we knew it was him we ran to the other side of the waiting area to see him walk by.

1468705_10202746997582018_945491513_nAfter that we went back inside to find a seat. As we did this we noticed that we could see Ben through the small opening. That was pretty sweet. Before we knew it the men walked in. They have to be very serious when they do this. The rest was pretty much a blur as I was just waiting for them to release everyone. I had told my friend that I wanted to go to Ben first and then the kids could follow me. Once they gave the ok, I sprinted as fast as I could into Ben’s arms. I actually jumped into his arms which I had never done before.  It was over…finally. The last 6.5 months were over and he was finally in my arms again. The boys followed me and finally got to be back with their Daddy.

It felt like such a very long road for us. This deployment was something else but now I can finally say that it IS a part of our past and is no longer our normal.

 

Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

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He has been gone four months now. 120 days.

I miss him so much as you can imagine.

I miss his jokes. One of the first things I noticed about him was his sense of humor. It is silly and cheezy and I miss it.

I miss it when he holds my hand. Whether we are walking in the mall or going out to lunch.

I miss telling him about my day and all the stupid things no one else really cares about it. I tell that man everything and for four months I have not had that.

I miss him with the boys. From playing outside with Daniel to trying to get Drew to laugh to helping Joshua on the playground.

Army CoupleI miss him drinking more coffee than I do.

So far during this deployment we have been pretty much been able to talk with each other on Facebook each and everyday. I have not heard from him since Monday. Usually I can go about 3-4 days before I get upset about not talking with him. So that is about where I am at. I am trying not to get upset but it is hard. It is so difficult to not be able to talk to your other half on a regular basis. There have been so many times when I have something to say to him and can’t say it.

I almost feel like our relationship is “on hold” in a way. Not that we are currently not married or anything like that. Just that we can not have anything close to a normal relationship while he is gone.

They say “distance makes the heart grow fonder” and I think it has been true for us. You get to a point in the deployment where you start thinking about everything nice you have done together over the years. You remember all the things you fell in love with and you look forward to the future when you can be normal again.

As homecoming gets closer you think about how it will feel to be in his arms again. To be his wife, not just in name only. To be able to act like a couple instead of just remembering it.

This homecoming will be very special for us. It will be the last one for us. In the past when he has come home from deployment I always thought, “He is mine, for now…” This time, I will not have a future deployment to think about. That makes me even more excited for him to come home.

As I look back over the years I wonder what our relationship would look like if he had never left? If we were one of those couples that had never spent a day away from each other. I also wonder what it will be like when he doesn’t have to go anywhere ever again. After years of him being home and then not, will I miss that independence? I just don’t know.

Have you felt that distance has made you and your spouse stronger?

 

100 Days Of Deployment

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hghghghgWe are here. 100 days of deployment have been conquered. Technically we will hit 100 days over the weekend.

Last week we hit the three-month mark. I had planned to blog about it. How I was doing much better. How life was getting better. How I was not as sad and upset as I had been. How I had hope that this was going to end. Then Thursday night happened. My air went out again…and the frustration of the last few months fell on my shoulders. I was right back to where I started, at least that is what it felt like. I tried my best to go on and do what needed to be done but it was hard. This last week, I was pretty down. I didn’t want to be around people much. I just wanted to sit, with a fan on me and relax.

Today is much better. I am feeling better once again. I feel more like myself. I feel the days are passing. I feel like we can do this.

I hate the ups and downs that a deployment brings. One day is good, one day is bad. It can eat at you. When you feel so upset and down that you and your spouse and living separate lives. When you feel like no one really understands. When you feel like if you could just make it to bedtime, you would make it. Those times are so very difficult for us Military Spouses.

Deployments can be a journey. They can be a time to reflect on yourself and figure out what needs improvement. They can be a time to learn something new. They can be a time where you might be forced to act outside of your comfort zone.

Once you hit 100 days you can’t help but realize that you are making it through the months. That time is passing. When you think about how long it is since you saw your loved one, you can’t help but think about how making it that many days means you are getting through it. Even if your deployment is a year-long, 100 days is still a great milestone to hit.

Hitting 100 days means you are no longer new to the deployment. It means that you are in the “middle” of the deployment. It means that once you go another 100 days you will have gotten through most of it and homecoming should be close to being around the corner.

I look back at the last 100 days and I seriously wonder how we got here. It felt like I got here on my hands and knees. It has not been easy and I do not feel like the time has passed quickly, quite the opposite.

However, I know the next 100 days will not be as bad. They can’t be. We are already “doing” the deployment. We are more used to not having my husband home. It still hurts and some days still really really suck but there is a little bit of hope there that was not there before.

So to you reading this, if you just started your deployment, I understand. I was just there. I still remember how hard it can be. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time or if you need to one breath at a time. It might not seem like time is passing at first, but it will. It might seem like you will feel the way you do forever, but you won’t.

Where are you on your deployment journey?

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