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Deployment

What You Should Never Say To A Military Spouse

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What You Should Never Say To A Military Spouse

I love the military spouse community. In my local area and online. I love all the supportive people I have met over the years. I love how we can help each other out. The truth is, a lot of us can feel lost in the sea of separations, losing friends and the hardships that military life can bring.

We don’t always have good days and sometimes we really just need someone to listen and help us get through the struggle.

What You Should Never Say To A Military Spouse

 

Some spouses are quite lonely and can’t imagine how we are going to get through the next few months.

Some spouses struggle with depression and anxiety. To be alone in the house is terrifying. Yet, they married a soldier. Someone who will deploy. Someone who will not always be home.

Some spouses are homesick and miss having a group of friends. They are having a hard time finding a new friend group. And yet, here they are, on the eve of a deployment, unsure about how they are going to get through the 9 months he will be away.

Some spouses lost a parent or a child and are finding life more difficult than usual.

Some spouses are just sad about how things are going and what’s ahead for them. Military life can be scary.

Some spouses have been through several deployments already and they are tired and want a break. One that will not come because of trainings and more deployments in the future.

Some spouses are struggling with their marriages and can’t figure out how to get things to a better place.

Some spouses are having a hard time with their children. Children who are missing their father so much they act out and those with special needs that are missing the support that the other parent in the home brings.

These spouses need support. They need love. They need kind suggestions. They do not need harsh words. They do not need to feel less than or that something is wrong with them for missing their husband a little too much. They do not need to feel like bad moms because they don’t feel like they are getting this solo parenting thing down.

Over the years I have heard phrases that make me cringe. Comments from other military spouses that should not be said. Comments that sting and create a divide in the military world.

So as a community, this is what you should never say to a military spouse!

“Well, you knew what you signed up for.” Actually, no one knows this. Each military career is different depending on different factors. Each spouse handles things in different ways. You never know what you are signing up for.

“Why are you complaining? At least your deployment is only 9 months instead of 12.” Oh, the deployment comparison game we like to play. It’s easy to do. Your friend is upset about a shorter deployment and you wish your spouse could only be gone for that amount of time. I get that. But we simply don’t have to say anything to that friend. We don’t. Telling someone that they should be happy their spouse is only gone for X amount of time is not helpful.

“I wish my husband would deploy.” Sigh…yes, we get it. Some people do want their spouse to deploy. I do believe that is valid. But it should probably not be said to a spouse whose husband does deploy a lot or is going through a deployment. To a spouse who would give anything for her husband to not deploy.

“Dependa anything” Do I need to say more? Is this even a word? Who even started using it? Please just stop with this term. It’s insulting.

We need to remember that not everyone is going to handle military life the same way. We are all going through something, whether we admit what that is to people or not. We all have a story to tell. What is easy for one person is going to be more difficult for others.

As a military community, we need to come together and help support the struggling military spouse.

Help them get through her current struggle. Let her know we are there for her and we get it. Because like it or not, we are in this together. We are the people who stand behind those who serve our great country. We are the ones they miss and the ones they come home to. We can be supportive and we can be the help someone needs to get through everything military life throws at her.

Have you ever seen We Were Soldiers? The DVD has a deleted scene that I have always loved. The deleted scene is all the wives in the church while their husbands are fighting in Vietnam. What I love about this scene is it is the perfect example of spouses being there for each other. One of the wives was to sing a song in front of the church and just couldn’t do it. What did the other spouses do? They started singing with her. I love this because this act is a small example of military spouses being there for one another, the way that we should be.

How can you support other military spouses?

 

22 Fun Ideas For Staying Busy During a Deployment

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The number one tip you are going to get to survive a deployment is to stay busy. That you need to stay busy during a deployment to make it through. To fill up your calendar. To have something going every day. This is true. The busier you are, the faster time will go and the sooner the deployment will be over. When you don’t have anything to do, time drags.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know what to do each day to stay busy during a deployment, especially if you are new to the area and haven’t met a lot of people yet.

Here are 22  fun ideas on how to stay busy during a deployment. Things you can do to keep busy and help your deployment go by a little bit faster. Take these as a starting off point and create your own list of ideas to help you stay busy during a deployment.

22 Fun Ideas For Staying Busy During a Deployment

  • Join a club- Whatever you’re into, join a club about it. Love to read? Join a book club. Love to hike? Joining a hiking club. Can’t find a club for what you want? Start one. Finding something you love to do is the best way to get through a deployment. You also have a big chance of making some friends while you do.
  • Start a sport- Sports can be a great way to pass the time. You could sign up for a local team such as indoor soccer or volleyball. They might just meet once a week but that is okay. You can have fun at the practices, at the games and get to know the other people on your team.
  • Playgroups- Playgroups are such a great way to spend your time when you have little kids. You take them, they go off and play and you can hopefully talk with other moms. Even if you don’t meet anyone the first few times, if your child is having fun, keep taking them. Eventually you will start talking with the other moms and hopefully, make friends. You can also go to playgroups around nap time, which makes the day go by a lot faster.
  • Regular dinners- Having regular dinners with friends is also a great idea. Get a group together and take turns meeting at each other’s houses or even a park. You can have your kids eat before you go and then let them play while you eat your dinner with your friends. This can help with the nighttime routine and will help with the loneliness around that time of day.
  • Regular coffee meetups– Another way to get together with friends is plan a weekly coffee date. Mondays work well because it is the day after the weekend and sometimes the weekends are the most difficult part of a deployment.
  • Walks- Going for a walk is such a great idea. Not only will it help you pass the time but it can get you out of a funk. It is also good for your health and can allow you to reach the weight loss goals you made for yourself during the deployment. You can walk with a friend, listen to music, listen to podcasts and audiobooks. You can also stick your children in the stroller if they are young enough and take them with you.
  • Start a new hobby- Deployments are the perfect time to start a new hobby. Think about what you have been wanting to learn. You can take a class or do it on your own. Finding a new hobby is something you can enjoy for years to come, not just during the deployment.
  • Go back to an old hobby- Is there something you used to do that you haven’t done for a while? A deployment is a great time to get back into your old hobbies. Especially if you still have supplies or equipment in your home.
  • Photography- Taking photos can be a great way to destress and to get to know your area. Go on photo walks and remember to bring a camera or even your phone out with you to take photos. Learn how to be a better photographer. Take a photography class. You will be glad that you did.
  • Travel- Deployments can be the perfect time to travel. The idea of going places without your spouse can be scary or you can feel badly that he or she is missing out. This is something to think about. You don’t have to take a once in a lifetime trip. Save that for when they are home but take some time to plan at least one trip. You can go visit a friend, family or just go sightseeing
  • Write a book- Have you always wanted to write a book? Now is your chance. Spend the extra time that you have on starting that book. You might not finish the book during the deployment but you can get started and that is a good thing.
  • Start a blog- When your spouse is away it might be the right time to start a blog. Even if you are just writing down your thoughts about what you are currently going through. You don’t even have to show the blog to anyone or you can have a private blog for a select audience.
  • Organize your home- When you are the only adult in your home, getting organized can be a little easier. You can go through your home and declutter, work on home projects and change things around. Deployments are a great time to do this type of thing.
  • Paint your house- Want to change the color of your bedroom? Meaning to paint the kitchen and it just hasn’t happened yet? When your spouse is away, make plans to paint. Make sure to run any color choices by them if you think they would care about the colors. Then buy your supplies and make a plan to paint. You can even invite friends to come over and help you.
  • Look for a new house- If you are planning to move after the deployment, you could start your home search early. You can look online, research schools and neighborhoods or even go look at homes with a real estate agent. There is a lot you can do to prepare for your future move.
  • Find a job- If you feel you have too much time on your hands or you want to further your career, go find a job. It might take time to find one and then once you do, you will be able to stay busy. You will also be adding to your own career which is always a good thing.
  • Go back to school- Deployments are a great time to go back to school. Whether you do so online or in person, find a program and apply. It will be easier to study when they are gone.
  • Take one class- If you don’t want to go back to school full time you can take a class or two. You could take one on a skill you have been wanting to learn or you can take a class toward a degree you would like to eventually to get.
  • Volunteer- Working as a volunteer can be a great way to spend the deployment. Whether you do so at your child’s school or for the FRG. Find a way to give back. This is also a great way to make friends.
  • Visit Family- If you get along with your family, plan a trip to go see them. Stay a few days, a week or even a month. Whatever works for you and your situation. 
  • Exercise- Working out and exercising can be a great thing to get into when he is away. You can work on losing weight or just becoming a healthier person. Join a gym or a working group or get together with friends to do a workout video together. 
  • Read more books- Books are the best and can be a great way to pass the time. Make a list of books you want to read while they are gone and get started on them the day they leave. Need some suggestions? 

How do you stay busy during a deployment? What would you add to this list?

The Independent Military Spouse

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The Independent Military Spouse

The Independent Military Spouse

When you have a spouse that is away from home a lot of the time, things change. You have to become more independent. Even if you don’t want to be. Even if you want to fight that. Independence will come even if the skill is a hard one for you to learn. You simply can’t rely on your spouse for everything that you used to. When my husband has been deployed, I am 100% in control of everything. I have to be. Sometimes we would go more than a week without talking. I was the one that has to make most if not all of the decisions. All the daily stuff falls to me.

You become the Independent Military Spouse!

What we do each day, what we eat, when the kids go to bed and everything in between. I have had to make decisions about preschool, special needs, traveling and what to buy for the home. Decisions on things that might not have been all up to me if he had never been deployed. I have to be the one to make sure all the bills are paid and that we are doing everything we are supposed to in order to keep the home running.

When he would get home, I didn’t want to be 100% in charge anymore but that was a role that was hard to drop.

The Independent Military Spouse is going to be in charge more often than not. She or he has to be. It wouldn’t make any sense to have the person who is not even home to be in charge of the running of the household.

The best thing to do is to talk about your expectations ahead of time. Find out if your spouse cares about where your children go to preschool, if you travel anywhere or what bills to pay down before others. Find out what they want to have a say in. You might assume they don’t care because they aren’t home but that might not be the case for everyone.

After years as a military spouse, you will have no choice but to become more independent. You will have to step up, even if stepping up is not in your nature to do so. If you have never been in charge of the bills, sit down with your spouse and talk about what is expected. This can be a scary change but going over everything so that you are both prepared for any separation is a must.

Being prepared during any type of separation includes how to run your household.

I never used to know how to mow the lawn but when my husband was set to deploy the first week of June, I knew I would have to learn. We didn’t want to have to spend money on someone doing the lawn for us. I was scared and unsure of how to use the mower so my husband took some time to show me. I tried mowing the lawn on my own the first time before he left just so I knew I was doing it correctly. It might sound like a silly thing to worry about but after learning how to do the lawn myself , I was fine. I didn’t have to depend on him to get the lawn mowed.

Talking with other Military spouses about this can also be helpful. If you are struggling with doing it all or not sure what your role is anymore,talking to others in the same position can help. A military marriage is going to look different than a civilian one. Find what works for you and your family and what can work while your spouse is away. Figure out how to be the Independent Military Spouse you need to be.

Do you enjoy being in control of everything when your spouse is gone? How does it work when they get home? Is it something your struggle with?

The One Thing Your Marriage Needs To Survive A Deployment

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Trust is so important for any couple, military or not. You have to be able to trust the person you are spending your life with. You have to. If you don’t have trust, you are going to have problems.

Within a military marriage, this is even more important. You are going to spend a lot of time apart, oceans apart in some cases. You will go days without talking, sometimes weeks. You might have to go a whole year without living in the same house. Trust is the number one thing you need to survive a deployment.

The One Thing Your Marriage Needs To Survive A Deployment

Trust Is A Must

Without trust, your imagination can take hold of you. Is he really on a blackout or does he just not want to talk to me? Is he spending all his free time with someone else or is he really that busy?

Is there a reason he is always online but never calls me? Is he messaging someone else? I think most military spouses struggle with these thoughts when their husband is gone. It can be hard to live apart. Your brain plays tricks on you.

You have to struggle to not think the worst sometimes. But this is why trust is a must. You have to be able to trust that your spouse is going to be loyal to you. That they have your heart in their heart. You have to believe this is true.

So when those thoughts pop into your head, you can push them aside. So you remember that your spouse does really care for you and although he can’t always contact you and can’t be everything you need at the moment because of his job, he still loves and cares for you.

They Need To Be Able To Trust You

The trust I am talking about goes both ways. You don’t want your spouse to have to worry that you are not being faithful to him while he is away. From his point of view, you have access to the whole world. He has to be able to trust you.

Trust that you will be faithful, that you won’t spend all of the money, that you won’t leave him. This doesn’t mean you have to be stuck in your house for the time he is gone. It just means that you want to be smart with your time and know your own relationship. Be someone that your spouse does not have to worry about.

Talk Through Your Struggles

Every couple has struggled. Both civilian couples and military couples. This is just something you have to work through.

If trust is your issue, you need to talk through that, before they leave for a deployment or other training. You want to be on the same page. You want to know that you can both trust each other. You want to recognize your weak points and work through them.

It could be that you worry so much that you let that worry take over and although your spouse is being trustworthy, you have a hard time believing them. This could be because of something that happened in the past or just the way your personality works. Either way, work through that.

Sometimes You Can’t Trust Them

Sometimes your worries about trust are important to listen to. Sadly, not everyone is trustworthy. Not everyone tells the truth and some people, both the military member and spouse don’t act the way they should during a deployment.

If this is you, reach out. Reach out to a good friend that you trust, talk to a Chaplain or Military Family Life Consultant. Make an appointment with a counselor. Or if you can, talk about your thoughts with your spouse.

The bottom line is that you know your own marriage and what your struggles are. Work on the trust issue and understand how important it is. When they are home, work on your marriage so when they have to leave again you will be in a much better place.

Trust in a military relationship is an invisible thread. One that you can’t see but that connects you to each other. You have to believe it is there and you have to believe that the other person is holding onto it too. Without that thread, the deployment is going to be even harder than it needs to be.

What do YOU think a marriage needs to survive a deployment?

What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military

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What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military

 

What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military

Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted to become his wife or her husband which meant becoming a military spouse and everything that would include.

So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines? What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?

Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:

Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life

No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future. This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. If you can’t even imagine that being a part of your life, you are going to have a difficult time as a military spouse.

You Will Have To Be Away From Home

If your spouse is going to be going Active duty, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from. However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.

The Kid Thing

Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth and the 1st year. They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that? Some people don’t think they can. I thought I could and it was harder than I could have ever imagined. For some military couples, they don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. However, a lot of people don’t want to wait on kids and many military families have them during those years when the service member might not always be home. You need to be prepared for that.

The “D” Word

Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy too often or get frustrated that they are not able to go and do their job. Deployments are rough. From the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time. There is no way around that.

The Community

I have talked about the hard parts of military life. The parts that make it difficult to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life? The community of military spouses that you will become a part of. The thing is, as hard as life gets, you won’t be alone in going through them. Many other spouses would have gone through what you are going to have to go through. Many spouses get that and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing and even retirement.

Is It Worth It?

Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that. Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t. I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, you should be with them whether that includes military life or not. That is a special kind of love and you don’t want to walk away from it because you are scared of the future or what military life is really going to be like.

Are you a new military spouse? Are you dating a service member?

What are you most worried about when it comes to committing to military life?

What You Should Know About The Reintegration Period After Deployment

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What You Should Know About The Reintegration Period After Deployment

Homecoming is amazing! That day is one of the best. You get to pick up your spouse. The deployment is over.

There are hugs and kisses and tears of happiness. You wait and wait and you can finally bring them home. You are on a high from the excitement. But what happens the next morning? What happens the next week? When things start to get hard or complicated?

One of the hardest parts of a deployment can be after they return. You, the spouse have spent all this time without them. You have a routine and now they are home. Sometimes they come home from war very broken and sometimes there is a lot to deal with.

From wanting to spend all of your time together to working hard on getting him back into your schedule, here are what some of my military spouse friends have to say about what was the hardest thing to deal with in the reintegration period after deployment:

Letting him out of my sight to do anything other than hang out and talk! I was SO clingy!- Joanna, Jo, My Gosh

For me the hardest part of that weird post-deployment time frame was that even though he is home, he’s still very much connected to the boat. He didn’t always get to come home right away. He still stood duty, still had to be at work every day even on weekends. I wanted him to BE HOME after a deployment, and it just never works out that way.- Jody, Homeport:Washington 

The hardest part for me was when I had a job too. They get a week of downtime when they first come home. It was hard getting up and still going to work knowing that I could be spending the entire day with him.- Pamela, The Coastie Couple

The Reintegration Period After Deployment

I think the hardest thing for me was just watching him reintegrate with the kids and our family. He was unfamiliar with schedules and what the kids were doing and thinking no matter how well connected I kept him. It was hard because I didn’t want to correct him. I wanted to just let him just merge back into life, and not take over. But in some respects I couldn’t. It was tricky.-Rheanna, Cammo Style Love

The hardest part for us was that underways still happen immediately after deployment. During our first deployment, they were only home for a month before they had to go back out there for training. It was just a reality we had to adapt to very quickly.- Malia, Wandering Malia

I think the hardest thing is when he tries to take over some of the tasks. I see it now in treatment for cancer. Like if there is something I can’t do, or did before, he doesn’t do it right lol, or he doesn’t do it on my schedule. Like when I was really weak during treatment, he would spend hours cleaning the kitchen, and then never vacuum.- Jodi

The hardest thing for me was immediately wanting tons of together time and realizing he wasn’t going to be able to just jump back into my normal. He needed some time to adjust, sleep, get back on a normal schedule and I was all bouncy puppy dog just wanting to love him. And when it wasn’t reciprocated in the way I was expecting, I didn’t know enough not to take it personally.- Rachel, Countdowns and Cupcakes

A hard thing for me was having to cook again. I hate cooking and I missed being able to have cereal for dinner.- Amber, Airing My Laundry

The Reintegration Period After Deployment

Two hardest things for me: #1- I got pregnant with our 2nd child right before he left and the baby was born only a few weeks after he came back. Adding 2 “new” people into our home in such a short period of time was a little overwhelming (especially when it came to doing laundry)! #2- Adjusting to not seeing my friends as much. I had become very connected to other wives in the unit and once our husbands came back those relationships were unfortunately never the same. They had become my support system and it was surprisingly difficult to shift that back to my husband.-Sarah,  Servant Mama

Each reintegration has been a bit different, but consistently I struggle a little with balancing a desire to do everything to keep him happy in those first few weeks/months and my need to stay sane. When he first comes home, he wants to eat out constantly, road trip, give our son all sorts of treats/stay up late/etc. Part of me wants to jump right in with him and just enjoy each other. But the reality is that our son needs some consistency and structure, my husband and I both do best with a little breathing room, work still has to happen and all those mundane daily tasks that keep a household running need to happen. I have to insist without getting resentful and he needs to be flexible while reminding me it’s okay to relax. We did better with our most recent one and that was in large part because we communicated more effectively before he came home about plans and schedules so we had a better handle on what to expect.- Kristen, If The Saddle Fits

He had terrible depth perception after six months at sea on a submarine. I couldn’t let him drive the first few days until he got reacquainted with that strange bright orb in the sky.- Patricia,

I’m the soldier and mother. The hardest was having to start doing all the routine and endless tasks of taking care of a home and children. Some things I used to love seemed tedious. But my family was so patient and understanding! I have so much respect for the spouses and family that support their soldiers!- Tamara, Enlisted Mom

I have a really hard time figuring out the balance between giving him enough alone time and completely smothering him with my presence. We are both so used to doing things alone, from watching TV to deciding on what to eat for dinner…so when he returns I want to involve him in all those decisions, I want to cook together, I want to be together. I am a clingy, obnoxious pest. He struggles with figuring out how to make me happy with balancing all this new togetherness. We’ve both learned after a series of (almost) back to back deployments not to take anything the other does during those first weeks back personally, but I still just want more of “us time”. Being that I also work full time, I don’t get to have a week of leave as soon as he gets back so I tend to really monopolize the time that we do have off together, forgetting that he also needs to sleep, unwind and readjust. – Molly, Love the Everyday

The Reintegration Period After Deployment

The hardest thing for both of us was establishing a new normal. Realizing that we had changed and grown over our 10 months apart. I had started a professional job and now had requirements that didn’t allow me to have time off when he did. I also had to learn what thing I wanted to give and what things I want to continue. It was alot more challenging than I expected. I wrote an entire post on the experience here.- Elizabeth, The Reluctant Landlord

The hardest part for me was not taking out the trash. It sounds so mundane, but you get so used to doing EVERYTHING that something as simple as letting them take the trash out, was hard for me to relinquish. It’s so important for them to feel needed again and something as simple as the trash is just one more way to get back to normal.- Kayla, The Navy Mom

The hardest part was teaching him to adjust to the children…-Trista, A Purpose Driven Wife

The hardest thing for me is realizing he can be a big help, but he isn’t going to do it my way. For months, I go on with life doing things the way I want them to be done, but then all of a sudden, he comes back and he will go back to how it used to be done. We have always approached things differently, but it is really magnetized when he comes home. And he likes to rearrange the furniture.- Kim, 1200 Miles Away

Just knowing how much he missed during our son’s first year. He left when he was 10 days old and returned when he was 14 months old.-Karen, And Then We Laughed

We didn’t have any big issues. It was more me having to adjust to him upsetting our schedule and routine. I had to take someone else’s opinion to mind instead of just doing what I wanted to do.-Kara, Ramblings of a Marine Wife

What was the hardest part of those first few weeks during reintegration after a deployment?

A Deployment Tool Kit: What You Need To Get Through A Deployment

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A Deployment Tool Kit: What You Need To Get Through A Deployment

The time has come and your spouse has left for a deployment. You’re feeling a little out of sorts. You haven’t fully accepted that he is actually gone and now you have three, six or nine months ahead of you. Months of a deployment where you will not see your husband. Where you will be both mom and dad for your kids and where you know the loneliness will set in. How will you get through a deployment?

A Deployment Tool Kit: What You Need To Get Through A Deployment

In order to get through this season, you are going to need to have a deployment toolkit. In the kit, you will keep the things that will help you while he is gone. Everyone’s toolkit is going to look a bit different but here are some ideas to help you get ready to conquer your upcoming deployment.

Good Friends

Having someone you can depend on during a deployment is so important. This can be hard to find sometimes because you might have just moved to your duty station right before the deployment or your best friend might have just moved away right before it starts.

The key is finding places to go, to take yourself and your kids where you can meet other people. Think about groups or clubs that you would enjoy and go to them. Be friendly and let people know you are new or would like to set up a playdate. This is hard I know, especially if you are on the shy side but it can be worth doing in order to find a good friend to go through a deployment with.

Patience

I don’t have a lot of patience, especially during a deployment. But I need to have it if I don’t want to drive myself nuts. I need to have patience with the timetables, with the changing dates, with my kids and even my house. Sometimes even my dog. This is hard but I know I need to step back, take a deep breath and work on my patience.

Good Food and Drink

For some people, this is a good cup of coffee. I never really felt I needed coffee every day until our first deployment, then it was a must. Other people prefer tea or Dr. Pepper or a nice glass of wine. Just have something in your house that can make you feel good on a bad day.

You can apply this to food too. Sometimes a nice bowl of ice cream is a good way to end a stressful day. Be careful, though. Stress eating is a thing and the deployment might be a good time to break that habit. Make a nice salad or try a new food you didn’t think you would like.

Books and Other Hobbies

Reading books, watching movies, tv, going on walks, working on your hobbies, etc, all of these will help you through a deployment. Focusing on your hobbies will help keep you busy. You can also work on your career, work on going to school or do something to better yourself.

The best thing to do is make a list of all the things you want to do while your spouse is gone. You won’t finish that list but it will give you tons of ideas and allow you to fill up your time. A good book can take you out of a funk and get you interested in something else besides just missing your spouse. I love to read to help me through a stressful period of time.

The Ability to Laugh

You really have to be able to laugh at military life. It’s not that things are funny, it’s that if you take everything too seriously, life is just going to get too hard. Don’t be afraid to laugh. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at the situation. See that thing will get better in the long run. Don’t be afraid to have fun while he is gone and make a life for yourself.

A Journal

Writing in a journal can help you get your feelings and thoughts out. If you haven’t ever written in one before, a deployment is a good place to start. Some couples like to keep one together. One will write in it for a week and then send it to the other and back again. This is a great way to connect during a deployment. Looking back at your old journals and reading about old struggles can help you get through your current ones.

A Haven

You need a safe place where you can go when you just need a moment. This can be your home, a room in your home, even a corner. I like to turn my bedroom into this place. I want the area comfortable with soft lighting. I want it to be a place I can retreat when I just can’t take it anymore. A place to relax, cry and figure out how to get out of my funk.

Deployments are going to stress you out which is why you need the right tools to help you through one.

What is in your deployment toolbox? How do you get through a deployment?

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