Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Season of Deployment

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Soldier DayI am on my MOPS steering team this year as a table leader. This is my first year as a volunteer for MOPS and I am really looking forward to it. If you are in the Ft. Campbell area and are pregnant or have any kids 5 and under, you should come to MOPS on post 🙂 We meet every other Wednesday at the new chapel.

We are preparing for a lot more moms this year because sadly, this is going to be a big deployment year for our post. Not everyone will leave at once and most likely the last group will leave around the time the first groups get home but it is still something that is felt post wide.

I have friends who are getting ready to say goodbye to their husbands, they are working on getting all those last-minute details prepared. My husband has a possible month range but who really knows if and when he will go. Bags are being packed, wills are being taken care of an Army wives around here are making their deployment to-do lists. For some this will be there very first deployment, for others this will be # 3 or 4 or even more. It will be #4 for us when my husband leaves.

It is hard is to know that another deployment is coming and see these kind of things in the news:

7 US troops among 11 killed in helicopter crash in Afghanistan

Monthly Army suicides reach all-time high in July with 38 suspected

How can we stay calm for yet another deployment? So many of our soldiers have been through so much. Breaks don’t feel long enough.

My fellow blogger Household Diva 6 wrote an amazing post yesterday about it called War is a horrible thing! I really recommend that you read it.

This Army life…it is just really hard sometimes. It is hard to watch husbands go off to war, even if they are not your own. It is hard knowing it will be your turn soon. It is hard not knowing when he might be deployed. It is hard waiting for him to return. It is hard knowing he could be hurt or worse. It is just hard. So unbelievably hard.

If you are reading this and about to start a deployment, just know you are not alone. A lot of us have been through it and know what it is like. Do not be afraid to ask for help (which I really really struggle with) and know that people are praying for you and that deployments don’t last forever.

If you are reading this and do not have a family member in the Military, please remember to pray for our troops and their families. We need it. We really really need it.

 

Christmas when they are deployed

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Christmas when they are deployed Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Have you ever had a Christmas without your spouse? If you have ever gone through a Christmas when they are deployed it can be very difficult and lonely.

We have done it twice.  Once in 2005 (although not a deployment, he was in Germany and I was in the US waiting to join him) and once in 2008.  In 2006 we got lucky since I had a baby and they sent him home on R&R over Christmas.

Here are some ideas to help make the holiday season a little less lonely during a Christmas when they are deployed:

1) Plan to visit family or have them come visit you.  If you can’t be with your husband on Christmas morning, family might just be the next best thing. they can step in, keep you busy and allow you to have fun with others even if you are really missing your spouse.

2) If you can’t be with family or don’t want to be, make plans with friends.  This is what we did in 2008.  My parents were coming in January so it was just the boys and I for Christmas.  We had our time opening gifts at home and then we got together with my friend and her kids.  It made for a fun day.  Lots of playtime for the kids and lots of emotional support for us moms.

3) Make a fun gift package to send to your husband.  Check the dates to make sure he will get it in time.  If for some reason you can’t send him something, make him something and save it for him.  Even if he is going to get home in the Spring or Summer, he will still enjoy it. There are a lot of great ideas you can do for a cake package for Christmas when they are deployed.

Christmas picture4) Video tape the festivities.  He may not be able to be there in person but at least he can see how the day went.  Have the kids create a special video message for him too. Video tale opening the gifts. Being able to watch this can make your spouse feel closer to home during a Christmas when they are deployed.

5) Think about it. Think about the military life and how some years you will be apart for certain holidays but the next year you might not be.  Think about the holidays you have spent together.

6) Create new traditions.  Maybe you will save the stocking for later when he is home.  Who cares if it is February?  Have your Christmas a month early if he is leaving right before December.  Don’t worry about celebrating on the actual day.  As military family our lives are not normal, why do our holidays have to be?

7) Remember you are not alone.  I know it is easy to think that you are the only one without your husband during Christmas but it just isn’t true.  There are a lot of other spouses in your shoes.  Some in the military, some are apart for other reasons.  You aren’t the only one, even if it feels like it.

For more tips to get through the holidays, check out the Care.com Interview Series.  Also check out the Care.com Military Families page for a lot of great resources for Military families.

Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?

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Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?

Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?

I was looking through some of the keywords that people use to come to this blog and “Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?” came up a few times.  I want to tell these people that although it does seem hard, you can make it through.  The time before they leave can be really difficult.  You wonder what it will be like, if you can do this time alone, if you can parent alone if you can handle him being in a war zone, etc.  It is hard to know exactly what to expect, even if you have gone through one before.

You never really know how you are going to feel or what the deployment will be like.

Each one is a little different.

There have been times during all of our deployments that I just wondered how I would make it one more day.  I felt burned out and just done with everything. But somehow I was able to pick myself back up and get on with it.  Sometimes it was because of a lot of prayers, other times it was getting together with a friend and sometimes I would even have to give myself a pep talk.  A lot of tears might have been shed but that is how I got through the deployment.

I think we try to be strong and don’t think we can ever cry about what is going on.  We even hear people say we shouldn’t complain.  But some days you just have to break down. You just have to let everything all out before you can move on to the next day.  It is ok to have a bad deployment day, to have ice cream for dinner, to cry to a friend. This is all a part of getting through the months or even years alone. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Each of us handle this type of things differently and just because a friend never seems to have a bad day, it doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t.

So to those of you afraid for your first deployment and think you won’t be able to make it through, if you love your husband, if you are committed to him, then you will.  You will be able to make it through.  You will get through the X amount of months and come out stronger on the other side. You will. Sometimes it might feel like you are just getting through one day at a time. The days can feel long and frustrating. That is all apart of your journey. Try to remember that deployments don’t last forever and you will be reunited with your spouse once again and the whole crazy thing will be over. You will get to homecoming, I promise. You will be back in his arms and the deployment will be a part of your memories, for good or for bad.

What advice would you give to someone facing their first deployment?

 

* this post contains affiliate links!

Advice For Your First Deployment

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Advice For Your First Deployment

Advice For Your First Deployment

My next guest post is by a friend of mine, Jess.  She was the very first Army wife I met when we started this Army adventure. She was also my FRG leader.  I asked her to write about advice she would give someone who was getting ready for their first deployment.  Our first deployment was in 2006 and Jess was there to tell me a little bit of what to expect so I just knew this would be a great post!  Thank you Jess 🙂

Stressed? Emotional? Perhaps even a bit stand-offish? Sounds like you’ve got a deployment coming up. The bad news is your Soldier is leaving. The good news is you aren’t alone!

There is no specific way to handle a deployment, especially your first deployment. Some people take it all in stride and seem to brush off the hardship. Others seem to physically break down the second their Soldier marches away. Still others seem to change entirely and don’t seem to return to normal until their Soldier is back in their arms again. No matter which category you find yourself falling into, remember this: You are STRONG. You are CAPABLE. You CAN do this!

Just as parenting a child has no actual guidebook, deployments don’t come with magic spouse field manuals. However, let’s not speak that phrase too loudly. I’ve seen some pretty crazy things put into FM’s before. The greatest way to make it through the hardships of a deployment are to simply listen to your heart, listen to other’s advice and pray. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to someone! Believe me, there are a lot of us out there who are willing to listen and lend a hand (or a shoulder) when necessary. Don’t be afraid to ask.

One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to set personal goals.. You don’t have to get crazy with it; the point of a goal is to be able to accomplish it. Set mini-milestones throughout to ensure you stay focused and on-target. A big favorite that I’ve seen is weight-loss/healthier lifestyles. Say you set a goal to lose 25 pounds throughout the year. Remember to start off in small increments, and celebrate each 5 pounds you are able to lose. This is a great way to have something realistic to look forward to in a relatively short time! The greatest part is-IT’S ALL YOURS! It’s very easy to lose yourself in the constant stress during a deployment. Don’t forget that your Soldier still needs you just as much as you need him/her. Take care of yourself, even while supporting your deployed loved one.

If I could offer just one last bit of advice, it would be to stay busy and not forget that the world is still going round. It’s very common to feel bad about going out and having fun while your loved one is away, but remember, you need your personal time as well. It’s ok to go catch a movie with the girls, or secure a babysitter for a few hours of pampering at the salon every now and again. You are HouseHold 6. You keep the home fires burning. You can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. Make yourself a priority, especially while your loved one is away. Don’t lose yourself to the chaos and stress, and always reach out if you need help. You follow a long legacy of the Silent Ranks. You can do this!

 

 

Dinosaur Deploys

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My next guest poster is Laura from Military Word of Mouth.  She has a great idea for kids to help them through a deployment!  I know my boys would have loved something like this 🙂

Lately, I have been going through things trying to get rid of some stuff to prepare for our next move. Probably, pretty soon our landlady will be calling to let us know that someone is coming over to see the house to potentially rent for next year. While going through a bookshelf, I found one of my son’s photo albums from last year.


It’s just a small 4″x6″ album that I found at Walgreens for like a $1.00, but to him it was priceless. You see it contains photos of his dinosaur on an adventure, and not just any adventure, but an adventure with his daddy. When my husband deployed last January, my son gave my husband one of his dinosaurs to hug whenever he missed him.

So, my husband took pictures of the dinosaur on his deployment adventure and would send them to my son either by email or by snail mail.


I can not tell you how much my son loved this, but when he saw the pictures, his face would beam. He even asked if he could bring the album to show and tell to share with his friends at preschool.

Having a parent deployed is such a hard concept for a young child to understand and accept. This is such a simple way to help ease their pain, if only for a bit. If your spouse is deploying shortly, ask your child if he or she would like to share one of his/her small stuffed animals. If your spouse is already deployed consider sending it over in the next package you mail out. Have your child be the one to put it in the box so he feels like he is helping his daddy miss home a little less. If your spouse doesn’t have a camera, throw in a disposable one.

Top 25 annoying Army Deployment Questions and Comments

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Stephanie has offered a guest post to me 🙂  She blogs over at Mama Clementine!  She is a SAHM of four, been an Army Wife for 11 years and been through five deployments.  Thanks so much for the post Stephanie!

Top 25 annoying Army Deployment Questions and Comments

 

annoying Army Deployment Questions
Rakkasan  Deployment 2007
Matthew 11, Dylan 7, Lauren 5 

This morning I was reading a post over at Caffeinated Catholic Mamaof how people have lost all sense of personal-space and privacy, either because of our over sharing techno culture or maybe just a general lack of manners. She gives her wonderful list of Top annoying and prying questions from absolute strangers, Here.

While writing in her comments I was thinking that for me, being such a Counter-Culture Mama, the lists of random rude questions and offending comments from those that it just does not concern, could go on and on…ad infinitum. So, I thought for fun, I would make a small project out of several lists of obscenely annoying Questions and Comments that I have gotten from strangers, all neatly compiled into categories. 🙂
What follows is a list of my TOP 25 way too personal, yet oh so popular questions and all to common comments, that I have received during my husband’s Deployments.
      1. Oh, is your Husband Deployed ?
      2. Do you Miss Him ?
      3. Is it Hard ?
      4. Will they send Him home for the Birth ?
      5. Is it your Husband’s Baby or Jody’s ?
      6. Does your Husband know you’re pregnant ?
      7. Do you know who the Father is ?
      8. What will you do / How will you have a Baby by yourself ?
      9. Why do you have / keep having kids if he is gonna be gone so much ?
      10. Your children are so young, If he gets killed, they won’t remember him.
      11. Why do you have kids when, He could get killed anytime ?
      12. Your so Lucky you live off the government, the rest of us have to work.
      13. If you didn’t live off the government you wouldn’t be able to afford all those kids.
      14. Maybe your husband will die and you’ll get all that money.
      15. You should take out some more insurance on your husband, because he has a good chance of being killed.
      16. But, just think of all that extra money at Tax time.
      17. I don’t know how you could do that, I could never let my Husband do that.
      18. (My Sister-in-laws fave way of relating to me)…I know just how you feel, my Husband was out of Town, on the road, for two weeks last month !
      19. How can you be Faithful for 15 months ?
    annoying Army Deployment Questions
    Deployment 2003
    Dylan 2yrs

    20. Do you worry about your Husband cheating on you ?

    21.  You don’t think your Husband will wait a whole year do you ?

    22.  Don’t you all just sleep around with each others Husbands anyway ?

    23.  So, has your Husband Killed anybody yet ?

    24.  You could have gotten out / why would he stay in / It’s his fault he is Deploying / So he’s getting out after this right ?

    25.  Using up my time by going on a long rant about how you feel about the war and whether or not we should be “Over-There”

    ….and the  ***** Extra Credit Bonus*****

    So Wow, it is Just like Army Wives on The    T.V. Show

     

    The First Day they are Gone

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    The First Day they are Gone

    The First Day they are Gone

    The first day they are gone really sucks.  When they leave in the early morning vs afternoon/evening, the first day is even harder.  Why?  Because when they leave later in the day you have less of a first day to get through. You can come home and go to bed and then before you know it, you are on day two. This is such a little thing but the time of day makes a big difference.

    The first day they are gone you walk around your house in a daze.  You want to be out doing something but you don’t want to at the same time.

    The first day they are gone you see something you bought together at the store and looking at what you bought makes you cry.  You see their dirty laundry and the pile makes you cry. You would give anything for them to come home and add more dirty laundry to the pile.

    The first day they are gone you realize you can toss that almost empty bottle of shaving cream because no one is going to be around for a while to use it up.  And then you cry because no one will be around to use the shaving cream up.

    The first day they are gone you sometimes forget and then remember quickly that they are not coming home that night.  That you will be on your own for dinner, bedtime and you will sleep alone. Earlier in the day, you can almost pretend they are just at work. After dinner, you can’t do that anymore and reality starts to set in.

    The first day they are gone you wonder what he is feeling, what he is doing, where he is at. If he is scared or how much he is missing home. If he cried too even though you rarely see tears in his eye. If he wishes that at that moment, he had chosen a career that never took him from home.

    The first day he is gone you try to figure out how you are going to make X amount of days.  You wonder how you will be both mom and dad and how you will handle life when your children realize daddy won’t be coming home at night for a while. You know solo parenting is difficult and here you are having to do everything once again.

    The first day he is gone you are hit hard with how hard this military life can be sometimes and how strong you will have to be to make it through the deployment.

    The first day they are gone sucks, it really really sucks and you pray the second day they are gone is a little bit better. Because after day one is over, you are officially in deployment mode and you have a long road ahead of you. But at least, after day one is over you know you have one less day to get through until they come home.

    Want a Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

    Tour of Duty Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment by Sara Horn

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    Tour Of DutyI am excited to share with you a book review of Tour of Duty Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment by Sara Horn.  Since becoming an Army wife in 2005, I am always on the lookout for a good book about our life & how to get through it.  I was excited to see Sara Horn had come out with a new devotional book on deployment.

    Deployments are such a part of our military lives but getting through one can be very difficult sometimes.

    I have been through 2 deployments and I felt like this book touched on so many of the thoughts & feelings I have experienced during the separations.  Included in each chapter are verses, questions and even “Tips for Military Wives.”  I think this book would be an awesome Bible study and would love to do it with a group of ladies someday.

    I also will be rereading this again when we start our next deployment.  There were some parts that I read where I knew it would be very helpful to go back and read during the middle of a deployment.  The chapter called “Facing the Giants” especially as it deals with those what ifs or worries we all seem to go through when our husband is deployed.

    Another thing I really liked about this book is her comparisons to biblical characters and what they have gone through in their lives.  It makes you realize that although our struggles might have looked different, they dealt with a lot of the same emotions we might deal with right now.

    One more small thing, I really really liked the cover of this book.  Something about the pink on the green 🙂

    The book has a Facebook page and you can buy the book from Lifeway 🙂

    I received a free copy of this book from Sara Horn for this review!