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12 Ways to Know You Have Been a Military Spouse for a Really Long Time

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I used to be the brand new spouse. The whole military thing was all new to me. I can remember standing on post as a group of soldiers walked by and telling myself, wow, this is really my life now. It was surreal at the time, but now it wouldn’t phase me.

But over the years, I have grown, learned, and moved from a brand new military spouse to a more seasoned one.

And wow, I have learned a lot!

Do you feel like you are a seasoned spouse too? Here is how you know you have been a military spouse for a really long time…:)

#1 You know what all those three-letter words mean. MWR, DoD, TDY, and MOS to name a few. And then, just when you think you have them all memorized, you discover a new one. Those military acronyms always keep you on your toes.

#2 You hear someone hasn’t spoken to their spouse in 24 hours and you think back to your first deployment when you would go weeks without a word.

#3 You don’t start really looking into a new duty station until orders are in hand. Just because they say you are moving somewhere doesn’t mean it will happen.

#4 You no longer write in pen. You have been burned in the past and wonder what took you so long to invest in some really nice pencils.

#5 You know those deployment dates are really just suggestions. Both the coming and the going. They can and do change at any time.

#6 Your family knows the drill. No, you don’t know when you can visit again. No, you can’t tell them when they are coming home from the deployment. No, you don’t know when you will be moving back to the States.

#7 You know that being due with a baby doesn’t mean your spouse will be able to come home early from a deployment. That is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. Military spouses do give birth without their spouse by their side.

#8 You avoid the Commissary on payday at all costs. It’s not worth waiting in line for 3 hours. I am only kind of kidding about that.

#9 You have a PCS system down. You know how to make your to-do list and your moving day schedule and put it all together in a PCS binder. Or maybe you don’t because you don’t use one because you have done this 100 times.

#10 You have friends all over the world. Yes, quite literally, across the globe.

#11 You know pre-deployment will be stressful, and you know post-deployment will be too. But when you are headed to pick up your spouse after a deployment, you still get butterflies.

#12 You know who Murphy is, and you hate him. You never invite him in, but he always shows up. You are never surprised.

Military life is filled with ups and downs, good times and bad. We have to laugh about it sometimes and power through others. Taking the journey, one day at a time.

The Night Before They Deploy as a Military Spouse

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The Night Before They Deploy

You never thought this day would come, you held on to the hope that something would change. That they really wouldn’t have to go, or that you would get some extra time together.

But it is now the night before they deploy, the last night to say goodbye, and you are trying to keep it all together.

A part of you is relieved. The deployment can begin. You can start your countdown.

The sooner they leave, the sooner the deployment will be over. And then life can get back to normal. At least on the surface.

You have been through this before, but this time seems different. Deployments always seem so different, no matter how many you go through.

You are worried about your kids, you are worried about yourself. You want to rock this deployment, but right now you are just wondering how you will make it through each day. You want to thrive vs just survive during this deployment, but that seems like a big task.

Your anxiety is up, your anxiety always goes up when they deploy. You think about all the things you can do to help, you hope that something does.

On this night before they deploy, you think about all you have been through together. You remember your dating years, your wedding, your first year together. You think about your future, what may be, what you hope will be.

You are fully aware of the dangers of serving in a war zone, but you hope and you pray that your spouse will come back to you. You hope and pray your friends can have that happen too. You hope and pray for a deployment where everyone returns…not sure how possible that even is.

You hope you can find your groove this deployment like you did last time. You figured out how to do this before, you should be able to do it again. Your friend circle has changed, but you hope that you can make plenty of good memories with your new friends, just like you did last time.

As you watch your spouse, this night before they deploy, you think about how many times you have had to watch them go.

When they left for basic training, a few years into your marriage.

When they deployed the first time when your son was only a year old.

When they left for JRTC, to prepare for this deployment.

You remind yourself you have been through this before, even though you will never get used to saying goodbye. You remind yourself that you are strong and can support your spouse in this way. You remind yourself that you are creative and always figure it out.

But you are worried too. Worried that this deployment will be too long. Worried that this deployment will be too hard. Worried that this deployment might break you…hours before they even have to go.

You want to enjoy this last night together. You don’t want the time together to be filled with tears. There will be time for tears later.

On this night before they deploy, you try to focus on what you can accomplish when they are gone. You make a list of deployment goals. You make notes of what you hope to get done.

As you lay your head on your pillow that night, you hold back the tears as they hold you one last time before they go. You know the morning will come soon, too soon. You know this time together is limited.

You drift off to sleep, and before you know it is the morning of the deployment. They are already up, getting ready. You don’t want to get up, if you do, all of this becomes reals. But you do it anyway.

And soon it is time to leave, to get into the car, to drive them to where they have to go.

And then you are saying goodbye. You are letting go. One last hug, one last kiss. And one more just because.

They say goodbye to the kids, they say goodbye to you, and they walk away, to start another deployment, another time apart.

As a military spouse, you know deployments are part of the deal. You know that saying goodbye is a part of the deal. You know that this won’t be the last time you will have to say goodbye.

But you also know that you are strong enough for this. You are strong enough for another deployment. The time apart won’t always be easy, and the days might be more difficult than normal, but you are committed to getting through, even if just one day at a time.

Are you getting ready to go through a deployment? Make sure to check out my other deployment posts to help you through.

When You Can’t Control Military Life: Learning to Let Go

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When You Can’t Control Military Life: Learning to Let Go

It can sometimes feel like we have so little control over our lives as military spouses. We might not get a say during a PCS, but we definitely don’t get a say during deployments. And we may have to put our careers on hold or pivot in a way we never would have thought.

Coping with lack of control as a military spouse means learning to live in the space between orders, uncertainty, and the life you’re trying to build anyway. And while this isn’t easy, it is a great skill to learn.

When the Orders Change

We know that orders might change, but that doesn’t mean it is easy when it happens. We can get excited about certain orders or certain plans. But then they change. The best thing to do is to remind yourself that this can happen and plan accordingly, and always write in your planner in pencil.

Learning to live with uncertainty

The truth is, military life is learning about how to live with uncertainty. It is about learning to pivot and being okay with change. It is not holding too tightly to things, but also being able to plan between the messiness of this life.

It’s Okay to Get Frustrated

It’s also okay to get frustrated about all of this. It is okay to wonder if you and your spouse should have some serious talks about how long they will serve for. It is okay to be annoyed about it all. But it is also best to figure out how to move forward rather than sit in the sadness of it all.

Look for Opportunities

You will need to look for opportunities within military life. They are out there. Maybe that means learning a new skill during a deployment, or getting to know a duty station you didn’t think you would like. Maybe it means getting creative or stepping out of your comfort zone.

At the end of the day, we will not be able to control as much as we could if we were not married to a service member, but we can still work on our own goals. We might have to let certain things go, but we can also find a good balance between the military and our own lives.

If you are new to military life, all of this can feel overwhelming. It can feel as if you don’t have any control over your life. But coping with a lack of control as a military spouse and finding your way will remind you that you are more capable than you think you are.

The Scary News of War, As a Military Spouse

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The Scary News of War, As a Military Spouse

By now, I am sure you have heard the news that the US and Israel have attacked Iran. And with that comes a lot of horrifying updates. And the question, what does that mean for us? For the military? For those overseas?

It Can Be Scary

It can be scary. So so scary. Not knowing. Knowing. Wondering. Crying. As military spouses, we often struggle to find our footing. We don’t know what to expect.

War is a scary word!

If you are a seasoned or veteran spouse, you probably have experience with deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. You know what a season of war looks like. You remember how scary it all was.

It is Hard to Make Sense of It All

It is also hard to make sense of it all. You ask yourself, is this what we should be doing? Is America in the right? And if they are not, what do we do as military spouses? How do we view everything going on?

And as we hear more, we pray. We pray for our country. We pray for our service member. We pray for everyone in harm’s way. And then we wonder. Will our prayers help? Will anything help? 

We hear this is the beginning of WW3. Is it? What does that mean for a military family? And if it isn’t? If it is something else? What does that look like?

There Are So Many Unknowns

The truth is, there are so many unknowns. When it comes to military action, it can be hard to understand what will happen next. 

Although what is happening now is new, war is not. The threat of war is not. Worry about war is not. 

I have been there before. What happens in the news deeply affects military families, and this is no exception. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. It can feel unjust.

So Many Questions

You ask yourself, will this extend his deployment? Will this mean she won’t join us at our new duty station right now? Will I ever get to see him? 

It is hard to know what it all means for the military community. It is hard to take a breath and believe it will all be okay. Because when your loved ones are the literal boots on the ground. You can’t relax. Your hope is gone.

All you see ahead is the reality of war.

War is Always Messy

So, to the military spouse or military family member reading this, I can’t tell you that everything will turn out okay. I don’t even know what okay looks like. War is always messy. 

But I can tell you something I know is true. The military community comes together every time. They always have because we are the ones who understand each other.

We are the ones who understand what it means to send the love of our lives off to war. We are the ones who understand the uncertainty and fear that come with any military action. 

Remember, You Are Not Alone

So, when you watch the news and don’t know what to think, when fear creeps in, remember that you are not alone. There is a whole military spouse community out there going through the same thing with you. Through the good and the bad. Through the scary and through the stuff that gives us hope.

Always remember that. 

The Scary News of War, As a Military Spouse

Know an Amazing Military Kid? Here’s How to Honor Them with National Recognition

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Know an Amazing Military Kid? Here’s How to Honor Them with National Recognition

Nominate. Elevate. Celebrate.  

National nonprofit Our Military Kids is asking people across the country to act on those three words to honor the bravery and leadership of military kids by sharing their during the Courageous Kids Contest.  

Our Military Kids offers support and community to children of National Guard, Reserve, and wounded, ill, or injured post-9/11 veteran parents. They do that by distributing activity grants (more on that in a minute!) and hosting the Courageous Kids Contest.  

How to enter 

Here’s exactly what you need to know about the contest. The Courageous Kids Contest is an annual event that celebrates kids during the Month of the Military Child. Nominations are open until March 8.  

Adults are invited to nominate a child or teen who has demonstrated leadership or role model qualities in their communities, activities, and/or within their families in the past year, while also having a parent who: 

  • Deployed with the National Guard or Reserve in 2025, OR 
  • Received care for a post-9/11, combat-related injury, illness, or wound in 2025 

Contest winners are announced in April and receive a cash prize, prizes from GOVX, a certificate, and national recognition. 

Applying for activity awards 

Let’s talk about Our Military Kids’ activity awards, too. Applications are available year-round for eligible military families. Each child in a family can receive a grant worth up to $300 to help them participate in an activity of their choice—like swimming lessons, indoor drumline, tutoring, or Little League. The grants allow kids to enjoy a passion, gain confidence, create special memories, and build onto their existing support system without an increased strain on family finances.  

The impact is huge. In the 22 years of Our Military Kids’ existence, they’ve distributed more than 100,000 activity awards, investing in thousands of military kids. Just like the Courageous Kids Contest, the activity awards have a ripple effect across the military and across thousands of communities all over the country. 

Nominate a military child today 

National Guard, Reserve, and wounded veteran families can often feel disconnected from the military and civilian communities. The Courageous Kids Contest offers those families and friends share what life is like for their military kids. It also gives a chance for kids to be elevated and celebrated for their accomplishments, sticktoitiveness, and courage in the face of obstacles and challenges.  

Don’t miss your chance—take a few minutes to complete the short form to nominate your kiddo at ourmilitarykids.org/contest. If you don’t have an eligible military kid to nominate, please share this article with a friend who does. The Our Military Kids team can’t wait to be inspired by the bravery and leadership of this year’s nominated kids and to share their stories with the world. 

Know an Amazing Military Kid? Here’s How to Honor Them with National Recognition

Joanna Guldin is a contract communications professional working with Our Military Kids to support the 2026 Courageous Kids Contest. Joanna has worked in the military community for more than a decade with for-profit and non-profit entities. She is the writer behind one Jo, My Gosh! and is the co-founder of PILLAR, a yearly virtual retreat for military spouses and significant others dealing with their partners’ deployment.  

7 Military Life Truths That Drive Military Spouses Nuts

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7 Military Life Truths That Drive Military Spouses Nuts

There are some military life truths that we military spouses don’t like. Often, there is nothing we can do to change them, but sometimes, we can. Either way, they really drive us nuts!

1. The Military is in control of so much of our lives

As much as we don’t want the military to be so much a part of our lives, as much as we say that it is THEIR career, not OURS, the military will be in your business. From your healthcare to where you live to whether or not you even get to spend the summer with your spouse, they are always there.

Sure, some spouses distance themselves quite a bit, but they will find that the military is always right around the corner. The best thing to do is embrace it, recognize it, and learn how to work with the military system the best way you can.

2. Our spouse missing the birth of our children

So many of us military spouses have had to give birth without our spouses by our side. Whether they were deployed to Iraq, in South Korea, or even across the country training, the military made it so they could not be there. This can be an overwhelming thought before it happens, but if you talk to people who have been through it, you will find that with the right support system, giving birth without your husband is something you can handle.

7 Military Life Truths That Drive Military Spouses Nuts

3. Not all military housing is good

Not everyone likes their military housing. Some of it is older and more run down. Some of it doesn’t make sense for a growing family. In many cases, there isn’t a whole lot you can do about this. You can always move off post/base, but sometimes that isn’t even an option.

4. Not everyone we meet is trustworthy

Sadly, not every military spouse you meet is going to be trustworthy. Just because they married someone who serves, that doesn’t mean they are a good person. So you do need to be careful about who you trust and who you put your faith in.

On the other hand, most military spouses are worth getting to know. We come from different backgrounds and different places, but we all know what it is like to miss our spouse, and we can help one another out. The military community as a whole has a lot to offer.

5. The pay isn’t always enough

Military pay isn’t always going to be enough. Many military spouses will find that their budget will require another type of income. While good financial planning and budgets go a long way, sometimes life is just too expensive.

If your spouse is lower ranking, it can feel quite overwhelming, especially if you have a few kids too. If you are a spouse looking to work forward in your career, knowing that money will help, and you can’t find a job, you are going to be pretty upset with the situation.

Remember that as your spouse moves up in rank, their paychecks will get better. Don’t be afraid to pursue your own career dreams, and make sure to have a clear budget. Being on the same page as your spouse regarding your money will also go a long way.

7 Military Life Truths That Drive Military Spouses Nuts

6. TRICARE can be a pain

TRICARE gives us some fantastic benefits, but sometimes TRICARE can also be a big pain. Dealing with them can all be a big headache between waiting for appointments, waiting on referrals, and being told they don’t pay for something we think they should.

The best thing to do is learn all you can about TRICARE and any future changes. Learn who to call and how to ask for what you need. Learn about the benefits and work hard to ensure your family gets them.

7. We can’t always find our people

One big piece of military spouse advice is to find some good friends to get through a deployment or military life in general. But it isn’t always so easy to find our people. Sometimes, we have to go months or even years without a best friend nearby.

As much as you put yourself out there, sometimes you can’t find anyone you click with. The only real solution to this is time. Remember, in the military community, someone is always leaving, and someone is always moving in. Every day is a new chance to find your people.

In the end, some of these truths can be changed. If you don’t like your military housing, you can move or even work for change. The pay isn’t enough, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find your own well-paying career. Not everyone is trustworthy, but we can be that friend others can depend on.

What truth about military life drives you nuts???

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

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On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

I wrote this post a day before my husband left on his 4th deployment. No OPSEC rules have been broken.

This is the last day. How did this happen so fast? The deployment was coming up for so long and now the day is almost here. He is at work. They have him at work the day before he goes. Why Army why? You get him for the next nine months, why can’t I have him all day today?

I just want to freeze time…but then I don’t. I want time to move forward, but I don’t want to have to spend all that time without him.

Nine months. Maybe more. Maybe less. I will take each day at a time, each hour, if I have to.

Some days will be good. We will have fun, and we won’t miss him quite as much. Other days will be hard. There will be a lot of tears, and Homecoming will feel so far away.

Will he be ok? Will we see him again? These are the questions I have to ask. I have to. Not everyone comes home from war. Most likely, he will. The odds are in our favor. But still…I wonder. Is this it? Is this all we have?

I dread tomorrow. D day. The day he leaves.

The driving to drop him off. The last kiss. The last hug. Watching the person I tell everything to walk away is heartbreaking. Knowing they will be in danger is terrifying. Thinking about living apart makes me bawl.

Deployment #4. How did we get here? How is it possible? It hasn’t even been TWO years yet. Uh!

So many emotions. So many feelings.

I dread the first day. I walk around the house, looking at his stuff—from the coffeemaker he won’t be using for a while to his clothes that won’t be worn until next year. I remember how the night before he left, we sat together and watched that one movie, how just a couple of days ago we were out back BBQing together, and how last year at this time, we were getting ready for a family trip to California.

I think about how much he will miss.

Summer. The start of school. Birthdays. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. All that comes with the holiday season. The snow might come, and he will still be over there.

I think about what I will focus on to get through: my boys, my blog, my garden, my books.

I wonder how much I will grow as a person. I wonder how much he will grow.

How will we be different? Will we struggle to connect again? Will this be the deployment that breaks us?

As I sit here, the day before my husband has to go, all I can feel is dread. Knowing that this time tomorrow, I will be in tears. But also knowing that this time tomorrow is one day closer to his returning, and our countdown can begin.

Have you just started a deployment? If so, check out my other blog posts on deployment and make sure to join my Facebook support group. 

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

Taking the Fear out of Friendship

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No one warns you how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I remember the quiet darkness of my first apartment and the loneliness of navigating my first job.

I remember the struggle to meet new people when my budget was tight, my free time was limited, and interesting and recurring activities were hard to find. That experience, however, was a walk in the park compared to the adjustment of being a military wife a few years later.

Over the course of four years, I had established genuine friendships, working relationships with my coworkers, and membership in organizations that filled my cup and brought me joy. Suddenly, that period of stability was uprooted by a move thousands of miles away to Guam, the furthest point away from Virginia that I could possibly think of. My friends and family were a 24-hour, over two-thousand-dollar plane ride away, and calls and texts had to be navigated over a 14-hour time difference. 

It’s been a year and a half since that major transition, and we’re preparing for another international move this summer. While I’m nervous for the change, I’m feeling less afraid this time. I’ve found a community that makes saying goodbye and see-you-later difficult. I know that there will be a period of loneliness and anxiety, but I am hopeful for the friendships that I will build in every new place that we call home. 

If you’re in the same boat, here are some ways that I’ve found success with finding friends.

Work 

Maintaining your career while moving every 2-3 years is challenging, especially if you’re navigating childcare, lengthy deployments, and an industry that is location-specific. As a teacher, I am a bit constrained by state licensing requirements, but I was lucky enough to land a job at a private school during my first year.

Having the same familiar work routine was comforting, and I was lucky enough to have a cohort that included another American who was brand new to Guam. We were both engaged, about the same age, and from similar places, and we began to seek each other out for company. We currently compete in pub trivia every week, have played pickleball, have celebrated Memorial Day with a BBQ, and have celebrated a birthday together. 

Outside of my full-time job, I also wanted the opportunity to work for myself and to build a career that could easily travel with me. I began to teach creative writing classes in the community, and this was a fantastic opportunity to collaborate with and meet groups and business owners with similar interests. It pushed me outside of my comfort zone and led to some meaningful coffee conversations. 

Volunteering

Ever since I was in college, volunteering has been an easy way to meet new people and to build and develop a variety of skills. The only cost is my time, but the payoff of making a difference and getting to interact with like-minded people is immense.

On-base opportunities like the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society, spouses’ clubs, and the USO offer easy access for spouses who want to get more involved with their military community, and animal shelters, food pantries, environmental cleanups, and arts nonprofits are always looking for assistance off-base. If you’re missing the routine of a full-time job, volunteering can help you to maintain and develop many similar skills on your own schedule, and that flexibility can be essential in an often unpredictable life. 

Facebook is Your Friend

The spouse Facebook groups in Guam have been lifesavers, helping me get my questions answered and find events to attend. I’ve seen many spouses post “friendship applications” sharing their interests and a desire to make new friends, and threads about local events have helped me find other helpful Facebook groups.

For example, someone shared a book club that has since become one of the highlights of my month. From scuba diving to running to crafting to reading, there’s been a meet-up planned for every interest, and online communities are a great way to advertise and learn about them. I recently posted about my interest in organizing reading and writing meetups at local coffee shops, and I’m so excited to meet women with similar interests. 

Be Part of the Village

The saying “it takes a village” rings true in military communities, but it’s essential to be an active participant yourself. My husband’s coworkers have invited us over for BBQs and kids’ birthday parties, and we have, in turn, worked to share the love. Whether it’s baking cookies for the office, helping to cook for brunch, or inviting others to join us for a meal or local event, we’ve grown closer by showing up.

Saying yes to invitations and extending your own invitations goes further than you think towards cementing friendships. Remember, most people are also far from their friends and families, so having the chance to watch a football game or meet up at the park for a playdate or share coffee together is often a very welcome proposal. 

Pursue Your Passions

In doing what you love, you’ll naturally find other people who share that interest. Whether you’re in your church’s choir, a new member of a running club, or just reading in a coffee shop, odds are there will be other people doing the exact same thing who are also hoping to make friends. It can be intimidating and scary to start a conversation with a stranger, but I always remind that the worst someone can say is “no,” and then I’m right back where I started. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel.. https://www.katiereads.com/

Want to write a guest post??? Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life is looking for guest posts! Have something interesting you want to write about the military spouse community? Have advice for new military spouses? Want to share about your duty station? Want to share your story? 

 If so…please fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form here!