Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

4 Steps To Turn A Bad Deployment Day Around

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4 Steps To Turn A Bad Deployment Day Around4 Steps To Turn A Bad Deployment Day Around

No matter how long your deployment is or how many deployments you have gone through, you will have good deployment days and bad deployment days. Usually, the first few weeks are going to be the most difficult and then the last month will crawl by. But in between the beginning and the end of the deployment, you will have days where you feel like you are rocking military spouse life and days where you feel like you can’t make it through another deployment day.

So what should you do if you are going through a bad deployment day? How can you make that day better and turn things around? Here are 4 steps that can turn a bad deployment day around and make the deployment a little more bearable.

1. Cry it out. Stop what you are doing, find your bed, your couch or wherever you feel comfortable and have a good cry. Let everything out. Take a moment to do this. Your body might need this release. If you don’t want to cry in front of your kids, go into your bedroom and shut the door. If you have to wait until bedtime, do so. There have been many nights where I kept things together during the day and then after bedtime, I was able to let go and work on feeling better about my day. I tend to be a more emotional person and crying is how I deal with stress and disappointment. Others might not need to cry but simply spend some time by themselves and that can be just as helpful.

2. Journal. After you cry everything out, get out your journal and start writing. Write about what is bothering you. Write about your day. Write about your hopes and dreams for the future. Just start writing. Doing so will be a way to get your thoughts out and start to feel better. You could also write a letter to your spouse. This can also be helpful and sometimes the bad day comes because of lack of communication with your spouse. If you have a place to tell your spouse about your day and what is going on, you could get out of your funk and start to feel better. If you have never written in a journal before, now is the time to start. Go buy yourself a cute journal and some pens and create a place to write during the deployment.

3. Make Plans. After you cry it out and journal, make plans for the next day, week or month. Fill up your calendar. Make plans for the very next day even if they are simple. There are a lot of things you can do to stay busy during a deployment. If you don’t know what else to do, put your kids in the stroller and go for a walk, take yourself out to dinner or do something different from what you normally do. Staying busy will help you get through this deployment and that starts with making plans and putting things down on your calendar.

4. Go to bed. After you have done what you can to turn things around, just go to bed. Sometimes the morning is all you need to feel better. You can leave that bad day behind and wake up to a new one. One that is one day closer to homecoming and one that can be a lot better than the previous day.

Some days are going to be easier to turn around than others. If you feel like you are just not doing well with the deployment, don’t feel bad about getting some extra help. Sometimes going to see a counselor can be just what you need to get through. I had to do this during our 4th deployment and going to see her was so helpful. Never be afraid to get any help that you might need. Deployments can be emotionally and mentally challenging for us spouses too.

What do you do to turn around a bad deployment day?

 

How To Make Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean Away

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How To Make Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean AwayHow To Make Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean Away

He left in November of that year for his 2nd deployment. That meant he was going to miss Christmas that year. We also were not going to be going home as we were in Germany and the idea of traveling with a 2-year-old and 4-year-old over the holidays was a little too much. Plus, my parents were coming to visit around my birthday in January.

As I looked ahead to Christmas day I couldn’t help but be sad about my husband missing the holiday. Our boys were still so young. These Christmases are important. They are what we will look back years in the future, the Santa Christmases when everyone was young enough to believe and the toys were rather simple.

But there was nothing I could do. My husband would be in Iraq that Christmas and we would be home in Germany without him. The good thing was I was not alone. There were quite a few other spouses going through the same thing, being without their spouse for Christmas. This included one of my best friends, who also had small children.

We decided that being by ourselves this Christmas wasn’t going to work well for us. We also knew that we needed to plan something to help us get through the day. We made plans. We would spend Christmas morning with our own children, watch them open their gifts and then meet up to make Christmas dinner together while our kids played.

This was one of the best things we could have done. Were we still sad and missing our husbands? Yes, but we had something else to focus on and so did our kids. That Christmas didn’t turn out to be too horrible after all and all it took was a little planning to make the holiday special.

The key to getting through the holiday season without your spouse by your side is to make the holiday special anyway. Do what you can to bring in the Christmas joy, even if you don’t feel like doing so. Here are some great ideas on how to make your holidays special, even when your heart is an ocean away-

Plan Christmas Day

If you celebrate Christmas, plan that day out. What will it look like? Where will you eat? How will you spend that time? You can plan a date with friends or stay home. Whatever will work for you and your family. Just plan something. Even if your plan includes taking the kids to the movies and picking up fast food on the way home.

Save Presents

Save a few presents to open when Dad is back home, even if that will be June. You can have a mini-Christmas later. You don’t even have to let your kids know there are more presents. You can save presents for your deployed spouse as well. Make a fun day of your mini-Christmas after he is home from his deployment.

Take pictures

Your husband might miss Christmas but he can still see what you guys did that day. Take photos of everything you do. Make an album and send that in your next care package or save for when he gets home. Include Christmas memories from your children as well. Your deployed spouse will enjoy reading those too. Ask your deployed spouse for Christmas of their day as well. They might have been able to celebrate a little bit, even if they were overseas. 

Decorate

Decorate your house anyway, even if doing so seems hard. Sometimes people just don’t have the desire to do so but try to make yourself decorate anyway. You will be glad you did. Life can’t stop just because they are deployed. Life has to keep moving, that includes decorating for the season. You can always put your tree up early if your spouse deploys in the fall. Who cares if it is in October? Sometimes us military families do things on a slightly different schedule than everyone else. You can also leave the Christmas decor up longer than usual so your spouse can see everything when he gets home.

What have you done in the past to make Christmas or the holidays special even when your spouse has been away? What advice would you give to new spouses going through their first Christmas alone?

Amy Grant’s Tennessee Christmas CD Review and Giveaway

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Tennessee Christmas

Amy Grant’s Tennessee Christmas CD Review and Giveaway

Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255:  “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”):  Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway.  Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation.  I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.

I was about 12 years old when I discovered Amy Grant’s Christmas albums. I had them on cassette tape and used to listen to them all season long. This was back in the day when you had to have a cassette or CD in order to listen to the music you wanted when you wanted to. I think I wore those albums out!

When I heard that Amy Grant was going to come out with a new Christmas album this year, I was very excited!

Tennessee Christmas is one of my favorite songs. The song has changed for me over the years. Before, I was a teen growing up in Southern California. Now I am a mom of three raising my boys in Tennessee and there is just something about that song that makes me feel good about being here, especially during the Christmas season.

“Well they say in l.a., It’s a warm holiday; It’s the only place to be. But a tender Tennessee Christmas Is the only Christmas for me.”

Tennessee Christmas is on the new album as well as many other songs that you have heard before. Here is the list:

  1. Tennessee Christmas
  2. To Be Together
  3. Christmas for You and Me
  4. Melancholy Christmas
  5. December
  6. White Christmas
  7. Joy to the World
  8. I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm
  9. Baby, It’s Cold Outside
  10. Christmas Don’t Be Late
  11. Still Can’t Sleep
  12. Another Merry Christmas
  13. O Come, All Ye Faithful

Besides Tennessee Christmas, some of my other favorites are To Be Together, Joy to the World and O Come, All Ye Faithful. I enjoyed all the songs and will be listening to this CD in my car for the next few weeks. The CD book is filled with the lyrics and photos from Amy’s life.

Tennessee Christmas

Amy is also asking fans to upload any videos they might have of surprising loved ones for the holidays. Have you ever done that? Have you ever had a Christmas homecoming?

If you have a video to share, you can share to your own social media using the hashtag, #TNChristmasSurprise! The videos that are chosen will be a part of a compilation video that Amy will share on her own social media outlets.

You can also find Tennessee Christmas on iTunes!

Now for the giveaway! One of my readers will be able to win 1 of Amy Grant’s Tennessee Christmas CDs.

Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway.  If you have won a prize from our sponsor Propeller /FlyBy Promotions in the last 30 days, you are not eligible to win.  Or if you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again.  Winner is subject to eligibility verification.

Just enter with the Rafflecopter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

What You Need To Let Go Of As A Military Spouse

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What You Need To Let Go Of As A Military Spouse

Do you ever feel like you are trying too hard to become that perfect military spouse? That you feel like you must do all the military spouse things? I have felt that pressure over the years. The pressure to be the best military spouse, to get everything done and to do it all with grace, all of the time. The truth is, this pressure isn’t healthy. There is only so much each of us can do. For our spouses, for our kids, for our homes, and for our communities.

What You Need To Let Go Of As A Military Spouse

I have learned over the years that letting go of certain expectations is a good way to find more peace as a military spouse. Knowing that there are seasons in my life where I can do more and seasons where I need to pull back and do less. Finding that balance is important.

So what as a military spouse should you let go of? What is not quite as important as you once thought it was?

Doing it all- You can’t do it all. Don’t feel bad if you tried and couldn’t make everything work. Balancing your own career with a spouse in the military is hard. Being both mom and dad for periods of time is hard. Keeping the house clean when you are running around different places on a daily basis is hard. Give yourself a break. Make lists of what you do each day and prioritize. Do what is most important and be okay saying no to everything else.

Going to every event- As a military spouse, there will be a lot of events you will be invited to. Don’t feel like you have to attend each and every one. If you want to sit one of them out, that’s okay. Your weekend is only so long. Schedule some time in for yourself and try to only say yes to the events you are most excited about. Fill up your calendar to stay busy but don’t overfill your days. That just adds more stress.

Feeling guilty about not going home- Going home to see family isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Sometimes doing so cost too much, other times schedules do no work out the way you need them too. Don’t feel guilty about this. Some families will try to make you feel guilty, don’t let them. Try to go home when you can and when details work out to do so. Families stationed overseas might not be able to go home the entire time they are over there. See if your family can come visit you. Sometimes that is easier, cheaper and will still allow you to spend time together.

Not cooking every night- Cooking when you have small children and no spouse coming home at night can be difficult. Cereal nights are okay. Pizza nights are okay. And if you do cook, you can always save some for leftovers for another night. The truth is, for every night you feel like you just want to order a pizza you will have other nights where you do want to cook. Using a crockpot can also save you some time when it comes to making a good and easy meal for your family.

Never shedding a tear– Crying happens and that’s okay. Whether you only shed a few tears or need to have a deep cry into your pillow. Crying is a release and sometimes having a good cry is the best way to get stress out and to figure out how you will get over whatever disappointment you are feeling. Some people cry more than others. Some spouses are more emotional than others. Sometimes all you need is to have a good cry so you can get back to doing what you need to get done.

Not asking for help when you need it- I admit I am really bad about asking for help. I never want to burden anyone with my own troubles. But sometimes asking for help is the best thing you can do. Friends are often willing to help you and would love to hear ways to do so. Sometimes people who want to help don’t know what you need. In return, you can help out your friends and neighbors when they need something too. That is what community is for.

If you are feeling too much pressure right now, take some time to step back and see what you can do to make life a little bit easier for you and your family.

Is there anything you can give up? Is there something you can let go of?

For the Military Spouse Going Through a Deployment Over Christmas

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For the Military Spouse Going Through a Deployment Over ChristmasFor the Military Spouse Going Through a Deployment Over Christmas…

Christmas music on the radio, trees going up, presents being bought and travel arrangements being finalized. December is almost here, Christmas is right around the corner. This is a great time of year, right?

For the military spouse going through a deployment over Christmas, this time of year is one to be gotten through. One to be survived. The rest of the world can be excited but for this military spouse, Christmas is not going to be Christmas this year.

Her husband, the father of her children will not be home. He will be in a war zone.

She won’t be wrapping gifts with him and playing Santa together. He won’t be able to sit with her at the Christmas Eve service or watch as their kids open their gifts. He won’t be sitting at the table eating ham and he won’t be able to build snowmen in the backyard on Christmas afternoon.

I have been this spouse and it isn’t fun. Being without your spouse on Christmas can be so very difficult. You are always missing them but there is something about Christmas that brings people together. There are movies made about this. About someone rushing home and making it right before Santa flies by on his sleigh. 

For the military spouse going through a deployment, Christmas might just be a regular old day, one in which it feels as if the rest of the world is happy and rejoicing and that they clearly are not. 

There are things a military spouse can do to make Christmas a little better during a deployment. They can celebrate early or even late when their spouse will be home. They can videotape the gift opening. They can go home and be with family but that isn’t always an option.

They can plan a meal with a friend which helps them stay busy and allows them to make memories with friends they will always consider family. They can fill their calendars with every holiday activity their community provides. They can remember that next year their spouse will be with them and that someday they will be there for every Christmas.

The military spouse going through a deployment over Christmas can do all of these things to make the season a little better…

But when all the gifts are unwrapped, when the turkey has been eaten and the children are asleep after a fun day, she will shed a tear for the memories her sweet husband didn’t get to share with them that year, for the sadness she knew her kids felt and for the hope that after the holiday season is over, the countdown will speed up and that homecoming will be upon her, the day her husband will be home.

So if you are the military spouse going through a deployment over Christmas, know that you are not alone.

Know that this too will pass. Know that you are stronger than you think. Know that your holiday might look a little different than it did in the past. Know that it is going to be okay. Know that you are being prayed for and that people do think and care about you.

It’s going to be okay military spouse, it really is. You might shed too many tears on Christmas day. You might wonder why your spouse has to be away when other spouses never have to go. You might not want to celebrate the holiday at all.

But whatever you do, however you celebrate, know that it is going to be okay and that although being without your spouse on Christmas is going to be difficult, you will get through this. That as the new year starts you will look ahead and see that homecoming date in your future and know that deployments do end. Your spouse will be back with you and that you will be able to make memories with them again soon.

Missing someone is not about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you have talked…it is about that very moment when you are doing something and wishing they were there with you.
—Anonymous

10 Thoughts on Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life on Netflix

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10 Thoughts on Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life on Netflix10 Thoughts on Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life on Netflix

  • This post contains affiliate links! 

In 2004, I had a little baby boy and we signed up for Netflix. My mom told me about this great show that we could watch on DVD with Netflix, Gilmore Girls. I was hooked right away. So was my son. He would stop whatever he was doing and watch the theme song with amazement. That little baby is now 12 and Gilmore Girls is back with new episodes.

Netflix is amazing and one of the reasons that Netflix is so amazing is because they can take old shows and make new episodes. The first one was Arrested Development, another favorite. Fuller House is another example and now we have Gilmore Girls. Four 1.5 hour episodes going through the year. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.

This was released on Friday and I ended up staying up way past my bedtime to watch all of them. And after that, I needed to watch an episode from season three. I love this show and can’t seem to get enough. As much as I wanted to savor every episode of the new shows, I knew that avoiding spoilers might be hard. You never know what people are going to say on social media, what Facebook will put in your feed or what an article’s title might say. I didn’t want any part of the show to be ruined, so I watched them all Friday night and wow, what an amazing show!

I have a lot of thoughts on the new episodes and I wanted to share them here. Know that the rest of this post will show spoilers so stop reading if you have not watched A Year in the Life yet. Then come back once you have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SPOILERS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Rory’s Boyfriends- I love that Dean, Jess, and Logan all came back for these episodes. Logan was in the most scenes and Dean was only in one but I really liked seeing them. I am a fan of the Good Wife, Supernatural and This is Us and what I loved is that these three came back and were very much Dean, Jess, and Logan, not the characters I have seen them as more recently. I was a little shocked that Rory was with Logan, especially since he had a fiance. I am glad she gave him that key back to the Maine house. I felt like he was trying to set her up to be his longtime mistress. If he truly loved her he should break it off with his fiance but he didn’t seem to want to do that.

2. Sookie, Lane, and Paris- Loved seeing these ladies back as well as the townspeople, Lane’s twins, Mr. Kim, etc. They added so much to the original series and it was so nice to see them back, if only for a few scenes. I did feel like we saw a little too much of Kirk. 

3. Luke and Lorelai- During the original series the two would banter back and forth with one another and I was glad to see they still had that. I worried about the lying and not wanting to get married after all those years. I also thought the baby storyline was weird. How did they never talk about it? And then now thinking about a surrogate? But the wedding was perfect! 

4. Wild- Loved the book and movie Wild and thought the storyline was an interesting one. Not something I ever would have thought Lorelai would ever do.  I loved how they made the two park rangers actors from Parenthood and Mae Whitman showed up in New York at one point as well.

5. Jess- I have pretty much always been team Jess and I was hoping they would get together by the end. I wasn’t so sure after the scene in the newspaper office. They seemed so much like buddies. But then, when Luke asked Jess if he was still into her and he said no, but then went to the window? That gave me hope. I am not sure if we’ll get any more episodes but I would love to see Jess and Rory together in the end. Logan is just not cool and Dean seems happily married too.

6. Emily- LOVED seeing what she did after she got over her grief about Richard. Seems like a great way to wrap her up as a character. And the scene when she is explaining about the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up made me laugh.

7. The Seasons- I really enjoyed the different seasons. I felt like each one was different enough to put us in that time period. That also made it easy for us to see time passing within the four episodes.

8. Stupid Paul- I hated that Rory kept forgetting to break up with him. It was cute and all and a silly joke but it just didn’t seem like something Rory would do. They should have had her break up with him at the end of the Winter episodes. We could have still had the joke but it wouldn’t have gone on as long as it did.

9. The Musical- Did they really need to spend that much time on the town musical? It was so long. That is one big thing I would have changed. Give us more time with Jess…or really anyone.

10. The Last Four Words- WOW! I didn’t see that coming in any way. What will Rory do? Will she tell Logan? If she did would she want him to be with her? Where does Jess fit in? Will she live with Lorelai? I need more Gilmore Girls. I need more. Even if we have to wait a while for it.

 

What did you think? Are you hoping for more???

35 Things Military Spouses Are Thankful For

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35 Things Military Spouses Are Thankful For35 Things Military Spouses Are Thankful For

Every Thanksgiving you probably get asked what you are thankful for. For some families, this is a tradition where you go around the table and say what that is before you get to eat. A lot of answers are God, family, husband, kids, job, etc. All of those are great answers but let’s go further than that. What are military spouses thankful for? Sometimes it is the little things that matter the most.

  1. DONSAs- When our spouse gets a 4 day weekend. Yay!
  2. Short deployments- All deployments are hard, shorter deployments end sooner.
  3. Trips back home- Time to see our family and friends!
  4. Free events on post- Because free fun is good fun.
  5. Good friends- Ones we can count on.
  6. Good neighbors- They make our own home that much better.
  7. Husbands who only work 12 hour days- Because in the military, days could be even longer than that.
  8. Magical moments- Like that time you were able to take your kids to see a real life castle.
  9. Homecoming day- Because it is the best day ever!
  10. Block Leave- The wonderful time when your spouse is all ours for weeks at a time.
  11. R&R-The most romantic time during your marriage and a break from a long deployment.
  12. Promotions- Because it is nice to see your spouse move up in his career.
  13. Good FRGs- Yes, they are out there.
  14. Nice housing- Because you want to love where you live.
  15. Long phone calls- Because they don’t always happen.
  16. Homecoming date- That hopefully won’t change.
  17. A new journal- The best way to get all of your stress and worry out.
  18. A new book- One you have been waiting for to come out for months.
  19. A canceled deployment- When you think they might be gone and then they don’t have to be.
  20. Re-enlistment bonus- Pay off some debt and buy a new car.
  21. Military discounts- So you can take your kids somewhere you might not have been able to.
  22. PCS orders- You know you have been waiting for those forever.
  23. End of Drill weekend- My Guard/Reserve spouses know how great that is!
  24. When things don’t break during deployments- Because you know they are supposed to.
  25. Our man in uniform- Need I say more?
  26. Seeing old friends again- Isn’t it great when an old friend gets stationed where you now are?
  27. Getting an appointment in a timely manner- You might just have a love/hate relationship with Tricare.
  28. Going to a ball- You thought dances would end with your prom.
  29. Meeting someone famous- Because famous people like military installations.
  30. Knowing people are praying for you. Because you need all the prayers you can get.
  31. Forming a friendship bond that will last forever. Because of what you have been through together.
  32. Friendsgiving- For when your spouse is away or when you just can’t go home for the holidays.
  33. Free childcare- A lifesaver!
  34. Christmas leave- Two weeks off from military life, doesn’t happen all the time but I will take it.
  35. Knowing we are a part of an amazing community– Priceless!

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving???

Where Two Hearts Meet by Liz Johnson

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  • I was provided a free book for review and this post does contain affiliate links! 

Where Two Hearts Meet by Liz Johnson

I love reviewing Liz Johnson’s books. Her latest, Where Two Hearts Meet, came out in October of this year. This book is the 2nd book in her Prince Edward Island Dreams series and such a great read!

From Amazon:

In her kitchen at the Red Door Inn, executive chef Caden Holt is calm, collected, and competent. But when her boss asks her to show off their beautiful island to impress a visiting travel writer and save the inn, Caden is forced to face a world much bigger than her kitchen–and a man who makes her wish she was beautiful.

Journalist Adam Jacobs is on a forced sabbatical on Prince Edward Island. He’s also on assignment to uncover a story. Instead he’s falling in love with the island’s red shores and Caden’s sweets.

When Caden discovers Adam isn’t who she thought he was, she realizes that the article he’s writing could do more than ruin the inn’s chances for survival–it might also break her heart.

Readers will discover hope for the hurting, joy for the broken, and romance for the lonely at the enchanting Red Door Inn.

I loved Caden’s story! She is cute and you can watch as she and Adam fall for one another. Adam is a writer and was in Afghanistan. Caden is a baker and everything she makes sounds so yummy.

The book takes place back at Prince Edward Island with the Red Door Inn. You will recognize some of the characters from the first book in the series and it is great to hear what is going on with them since the last book.

I liked how Caden has to work through her insecurities that a lot of us might be able to relate to. Adam has some issues he is dealing with too. I am looking forward to more books in this series with the famous island as the backdrop.

Liz Johnson is the author of seven novels, a New York Times bestselling novella, and a handful of short stories. She has lived in Nashville and now calls Arizona home. To learn more, visit her website. You can also read the other books I have reviewed of hers in the past.

You can purchase Where Two Hearts Meet on Amazon!

What have you been reading this week???