Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

What Military Spouses Are Hoping for in 2017

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What Military Spouses Are Hoping for in 2017What Military Spouses Are Hoping for in 2017

2017! That year feels like the future but 2017 is less than a week away. Are you ready? I think I am. 2016 has been quite the year for our country. A lot of things have happened and there will be a lot of changes in 2017.

At the end of every year, thinking about what you as a person has accomplished can be a good idea. You can look back at your year, remember what worked, what didn’t. Look at how you did on your goals and resolutions and think ahead about what you want your new year to look like.

As military spouses, we could be up against some pretty big challenges in the new year. We might not even know what the new year will bring. We could be hoping for PCS orders out of a duty station we are ready to leave or we could be waiting to hear the news that our spouse is coming home from their long deployment.

As the military spouse community looks ahead, we are hoping that 2017 is a great year and this is what we are hoping for…

For Good Communication

Good communication is so important. Whether we are talking about communicating with our spouses during a deployment or we are talking about communicating with them at home, after they return. Being able to talk to our spouse is a big deal. If we can’t do that, the relationship will suffer. Sometimes it can be hard to get back to talking again after time apart. Do what you can to work on this part of your relationship in the new year.

For Short Deployments

Deployments are all a part of military life. For a lot of us spouses, we know they are going to happen. But do they have to be so long? Maybe 2017 will bring another deployment but we can hope that that deployment is not quite as long as the previous one. And that our spouses get to be home with us a little more in the new year. Some military spouses haven’t been through a deployment in a while and see one on the horizon. This can be scary too. Having your spouse home for a long period of time is a treat, and getting ready for a deployment after that can be a bit challenging. Try to figure out how you are going to get through that deployment and know that you are not alone in what you are feeling about the upcoming deployment.

For PCS Orders

For those who have been living in the same place for a while, you might be hoping for PCS orders. Those orders that officially let you know it is time to go and move to a new duty station. May you get those orders quickly and that they will not change after you have invested in a wardrobe based on the climate of your new duty station.

To Make New Friends

Making new friends isn’t always easy. Whether you just PCSd somewhere new or your friends from 2016 are getting ready for a move. Try to put yourself out there, go to meetings and go to events. Do what you can to be a good friend and see what happens. Remember, sometimes making new friends can take a long time.

To Be More Patient

Military life is all about patience and I think we could all use a bit more. Whether you are waiting on orders or something else, the more patience you have, the easier the waiting is going to be. How to get more patience? That I don’t really know, but patience is something all of us wish we had more of.

To Futher Our Personal Goals

I don’t care who you are, you have your own personal goals, whether you talk about them or not. Your goals might be to declutter that closet you keep ignoring or to update your resume and start applying for jobs. Make lists. Figure out how you will get to your goals. Adjust and get creative. The new year is a good time for this.

To Read More

So many military spouses want to read more. So make time for that. Start listening to audio books while you clean, join a book club and carve out 30 minutes before bed to read. There are so many great books out there and getting lost in a book is a good way to deal with a bad deployment day.

To Be Healthy

New year, new weight loss goals? I know I have them. I want to eat better, lose weight and become a healthier person overall. Think about what your goals are and how you will achieve them. You can start going on a daily walk, you can join a gym or learn new recipes to help you eat a bit healthier overall.

 

With 2017 just days away, what are you hoping for? What would make 2017 a great year for you?

10 Favorite Books of 2016 You Might Want to Read Too

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10 Favorite Books of 2016 You Might Want to Read Too

If you didn’t already know this, but I love to read. I have read 55 books this year and I feel like this number is too low. I want to read all the books! In 2016 I read a lot of different books, some of them I really enjoyed, some of them I thought were good reads and others I gave up on early since I didn’t really enjoy them.

I just looked over my list of the books I have read in 2016 and picked out my top 10. This was a hard decision to make as I read so many great books this last year! You can see the rest of my 2016 reads on Goodreads!

10. The Girl in the Red Coat by Kate Hamer- This book takes place in England and goes back and forth between mother and daughter. Carmel Wakeford is a young child in the beginning of the book. She is kidnapped by a man claiming to be her Grandfather. The book is all about what is going on with Carmel and her mother even though they are separated. Even though this book was about a child being kidnapped it didn’t feel that dark to me, more about what happens and how both mother and daughter deal with their current situations.

9. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood- I had watched this movie years ago but had never read the book. I decided to do so. I read this on audio and Claire Danes is the narrator. The Handmaid’s Tale is the story of a dystopian world. The main character, Offred is a Handmaid and has to breed so that the couple she lives with can have babies. The book is about her and her world and how she isn’t going to fully accept it, even if she knows that is what she is supposed to do. There will be a mini-series coming out in April with Elisabeth Moss on Hulu.

8. Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes- Hidden Bodies is the sequel to You. This book is so interesting because of the point of view. Joe Goldberg is a murderer and You and this book is all about his thoughts, his fears, how he sees the world, etc. Hidden Bodies takes place mostly in California and is about what Joe does after the end of You.

7. Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell– Eleanor & Park is the story of two teenagers in the 1980s. They come from very different homes and their love story is unique but an interesting one. This was the first book I read from Rainbow Rowell and I would love to read some of her other books too.

6. Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews- I had heard of Flowers in the Attic but I never read it back in the day. So I started off 2016 reading the series. The story of 4 children being forced to live in an attic for years and years is s strange one but I really enjoyed reading the 1st book. By the 4th? It was just too much and I ended up not finishing that one. But the whole dynamic of the kids, the sibling relationships, etc that were in Flowers in the Attic was an interesting story.

5. Kitchens of the Great Midwest by J. Ryan Stradal- This is a sweet story about a girl named Eva and food. Throughout the book, we are introduced to different people that connect with Eva throughout her life. This book will make you hungry and a lot of the book takes place in Minnesota.

4. The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom- The Kitchen House is the story of a girl, Lavinia, who is orphaned and then taken in by a rich family on a plantation. She is given to Belle, the master’s illegitimate daughter. As Lavinia grows she is accepted into the big house with a lot of struggle. This book was a deep one and one that touches you in your soul.

3. The Girls by Emma Cline- Girls was a very well written story of a girl, Evie who is 14 years old. She gets involved in a Manson-like cult in 1969 Petaluma, CA. This book is not going to be for everyone but the story the author told drew me in. The story was told from the point of view of Evie as an adult going back and forth between that summer and present day. This was the writer’s first book and looking forward to what she creates in the future.

2. Secrets of a Charmed Lie by Susan Meissner- This book was truly amazing! I couldn’t put it down! What a story! Set among the backdrop of WW2 and the Blitz in London, the story of two sisters, choices that were made and the result of those choices. Such a great historical fiction book!

1. Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly- Lilac Girl was truly something special. The story of three women during WW2 and the aftermath. This book was my favorite all year. There was just something about the characters, what they went through and how they handled what happened to them that drew me in and made me want to stay with them throughout the book. This was also the first book for the author and plan to read more of her in the future.

I asked some of my military spouse blogger friends what their favorite book read in 2016 was and this is what they said:

Dear Mr. Rogers by Fred Rogers- Jo, My Gosh

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg- Burke Does

My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman-Christ Walk

Lila by Marilynne Robinson-Anna Blanch Rabe

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown-Kayla Roof

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah-See You Next Tuesday

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins-Away We Run

Me Before You by JoJo Moyes- Brenda MacCutcheon

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman-Royal Little Lambs

15 Years of War by Kristine Schellhaas-Servant Mama

Orphan Train: A Novel by Christina Baker Kline-Kristine Schellhaas

The Fair Fight by Anna Freeman-Being Briana

Favorite Books of 2016–Ramblings of a Marine Wife

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin-The Coastie Couple

Under Magnolia: A Southern Memoir by Frances Mayes-Nutrisha

Wild Justice by Kelley Armstrong- Hello World

Landline by Rainbow Rowell- Michelle Volkmann

Have you read any of these books? What was your favorite book in 2016???

There is Nothing Quite Like a Holiday Homecoming

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There is Nothing Quite Like a Holiday HomecomingThere is Nothing Quite Like a Holiday Homecoming

The morning was cold but being December in Tennessee, that wasn’t a surprise. When we arrived at the hanger, I knew this would be different than our last deployment, which ended on a hot day in July. Our deployment was over and I only had to wait a few more hours until my husband would be in my arms again. This 4th deployment had been one of the hardest. I was so glad that the deployment was going to end. What made things even better was that my husband was coming home about a week before Christmas. For us, that year would be magical.

That year, we had the best Christmas ever. That year we didn’t have to miss him. We didn’t have to worry anymore. We weren’t lonely and we were together, the way we were supposed to be. We didn’t have to experience the deployment ache over Christmas and we fully enjoyed the holidays together again.

military homecomingImage from DVIDSHUB on Flickr!

There is something so beautiful about a holiday homecoming. Knowing that the deployment will end and that you will be celebrating the holidays together instead of apart. Knowing that you won’t have to wake up Christmas morning or start Hanukkah alone. Knowing that they will be there to wish you Happy New Year and that you won’t have to videotape your children opening presents just so that your spouse can see them do so from afar.

military homecomingImage from DVIDSHUB on Flickr!

There is nothing quite like a holiday homecoming. To be together again during the time of year you want to be with your family the most.

As I stood out watching the runaway on that December Day, I was so cold. But that didn’t matter. All that did was watching that plane land, watching my husband get off the plane and running into his arms, knowing he was home, that the deployment was over and that we would be back to the way things were meant to be.

military homecoming

For those getting ready for holiday homecoming, know that you will be in for a treat. All homecomings are amazing but you will always look back on this homecoming as such a special one. Whether there is snow on the ground in upstate New York or the sun on your back in Hawaii, there is nothing quite like a holiday homecoming.

Have you ever had a holiday homecoming?

 

Why Military Families Need a Dog

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Why Military Families Need a DogWhy Military Families Need a Dog

I knew we would probably always get a dog someday. I grew up with a cat, I didn’t know dogs very well but I knew our family would have one someday. My husband grew up with dogs and even worked with military working dogs in 2011. He knew dogs so I knew that he would help me figure things out once we got one.

We had talked about getting a dog once things settled down after my husband got out of Active duty. But, one day, a few months before his ETS date he came home from work with a picture of a dog on his phone asking me if we could get a dog now. A buddy of his needed to find a new home for their one-year-old Hound mix.

I wasn’t so sure at first because I had never had a dog before and I thought I would have more time to prepare. I asked my husband if he thought she would be a good fit for us and he thought she would. At first, I said no, but then I looked at that photo again and all I could think was that she was our dog. She would be perfect. So we said we would take her.

A few days later, she came by with her owners and fit right in. That was almost three years ago and I can say I have LOVED having a dog. For so many reasons. I get now why so many of my friends who have owned dogs love having a dog. I wish we had gotten one sooner.

Why military families need a dog

Our dog, Gwen, 3 years old.

So, why should military families get a dog?

For when your spouse is deployed- I LOVE having a dog when my husband has not been home. She is my protector and my companion. I can always talk to her and she always listens. She helps with the loneliness that can come from having a husband who sometimes works away from the home. I think of all the years and deployments I went through without a dog and how in the future, I wouldn’t want to go through a deployment without one. And I know our dog did provide comfort to her previous owner during a deployment as well.

For the children- All of my boys love our dog but my son with Asperger’s has a special bond with her. I love that. She can help calm him down and he enjoys giving her a hug every night before bed. You can also have your children help with the dog chores which can help them feel even more a part of the dog’s life.

For the joy they bring to your home- One big difference between dogs and cats is that cats will pretty much ignore you and dogs will follow you around the house. When we first got her, she was always at my side. I would go downstairs to grab a drink of water and she would follow me. These days she tends to not do that as much unless I have been away from the house for a while. Then she greets me like I had been gone for years. Our dog has brought us so much joy and I love having her.

The hard part about having a dog when you are a military family is the moving you have to do. Having a dog will make PCSing a little bit harder than it otherwise would be, especially if you are going overseas. Here are some posts I found to help with PCSing with your pet:

PCing and Your Pet

5 Things to Remember when PCSing with a Pet

Pet PCS: Moving Tips For Pet Owners

What about you? Do you have a dog or any other type of pet?

What Should You Do With the Extra Deployment Pay?

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What Should You Do With The Extra Deployment Pay?What Should You Do With The Extra Deployment Pay?

Extra deployment pay! One of the “benefits” to a deployment. Earning extra money each month is going to help you and your family. The money can give you a chance to work on your long-term goals and to work towards what you and your spouse want to do with your life.

There are different ways to spend that extra money. Some are smarter than others. If you are not sure what to do with that extra deployment pay, think about what you are saving for and what would be the best way to use the money. Talk to your spouse so that you are on the same page. Make a plan about the money before they leave for deployment so that you don’t run the risk of spending the money on something you shouldn’t.

Need some ideas on what to do with that extra deployment pay?

To the Money in Savings

Saving your money is going to be a good thing! You can set up a special savings account for emergencies, for buying a house later on down the line, for a PCS or just to have that extra money in your account. You can also save through a TSP or The Thrift Savings Plan. What is the TSP? This program is a Federal Government-sponsored retirement saving and investment plan. You can visit the website for more information.

Buy a Car

Another way to use your money is to save for a car or to even pay down the car you already have. Being able to drive a dependable car during a deployment is important. When you are trying to decide on a new car, take some time to figure out what would be best for your family. Think a few years ahead. If you have one child and think you want a few more in the next few years, buying a smaller car might not be the best idea. Cost is also a factor. Think about how much you want to spend, how big you want your monthly payments to be and how much you would need to save to get the car that you want.

Save for a Trip

After my husband’s first deployment we were able to spend a month in California during his block leave. We were able to use the money from the deployment to do this and going on this trip was worth every penny. We got to spend time with family, see friends and take a break from the Army world that we had been such a part of for the last 15 months. We also got to spend a weekend away just the two of us while my parents watched our boys. You don’t have to go on a big or long trip. You could plan a weekend away with the family or something fun for the kids like Disney World. If you put some of the extra money away each month you should have enough for a nice family vacation when they get home.

Baby Stuff

Baby stuff can get expensive, especially items like a crib or a car seat. If the timing is right, use some of that deployment money on baby items. This will allow you to get the products that you want and have enough money to do so. Make sure to look for deals and take advantage of post-wide yard sales. You can buy certain items 2nd hand that still have a lot of life left in them.

Pay Down Debt

One way you can use that extra deployment pay to get ahead is by using that extra money to pay down debt. You can pay off your car, that credit card you have been hanging on to or even your student loans. You can also put extra down on your home if you are able to do so. Having that extra money will allow you to either pay off your debts or pay them down enough so they are not as overwhelming.

If you are getting ready for a deployment, you can see how much the extra pay is going to be. Then you can start to come up with a good plan before your spouse deploys. Come up with a budget and a plan for every extra dollar they will be getting. Know that sometimes the money will take almost a month to kick in.

What was the best way that you have spent extra deployment pay?

8 Things You Won’t Have To Do If Your Spouse Is Deployed

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8 Things You Won't Have To Do If Your Spouse Is Deployed

8 Things You Won’t Have To Do If Your Spouse Is Deployed

Deployments are no fun, any military spouse can tell you that. However, when they happen, which they usually do, there are things you simply won’t have to do because your spouse is gone. I am not going to say these are benefits, but if on a bad deployment day you are feeling pretty lonely, take a look and remember what you don’t have to do because your spouse is deployed.

1. Share the TV- How many times are you dying to catch up on Grey’s but you can’t because your husband wants to watch something else? Well, during a deployment you don’t have to worry about that. You can watch all of your shows, even the ones he makes fun of. Binge-watching can be very therapeutic during a deployment as well.

2. Shave- If your husband is deployed, you don’t have to shave. Well maybe you should shave sometimes but you don’t have to do this chore as often and no one will ever know. Unless it is summertime, then you probably do want to shave.

3. Share the bed- As much as I miss my husband when he is gone, I love having the bed to myself. Maybe I would feel differently if we didn’t have a queen bed but I like having all that space. Of course, at night, when the house is quiet and he is gone, I would rather him be there. But if he has to be deployed, I am going to enjoy having that extra space each night.

4. Clean dirty uniforms- Between the uniforms and his regular clothes, when your spouse deploys you are going to have a lot less laundry to do. This will free up some time from your schedule. You won’t have to wash those dirty uniforms straight from the field. No sand in your washing machine. That might be a nice break.

5. Cook what you don’t like- Cooking will change for you when he deploys. Depending on your children and how old they are, you might be able to get away with not cooking much at all. And you won’t have to cook anything you don’t like. You can also cook what you do like that he might not. My husband is not a big fan of breakfast for dinner so I tend to make that when he is gone. The kids love it!

6. Spend as much on food- Speaking of food, your grocery budget can go down a bit once they are deployment. You also might be able to go longer between shopping trips. See how much food you need to buy each week and go from there. You don’t want to buy too much and end up with some of your food going bad.

7. Share a bathroom- Your bathroom is all for you. No more mess from anyone other than you, unless you let your children use it. But being the only person who uses your bathroom will make the room a bit of a relaxing space for you. Buy some candles and bubble bath and make your bathroom your retreat.

8. Wake up too early- When you have small children you never get to sleep in. When your husband is in the Army and has to wake up for PT, you never get to sleep in. When they are deployed, you might actually be able to catch some extra zzzs without your spouse waking you up trying to find his PT gear.

Are you going through a deployment right now? What haven’t you had to do since your spouse has been gone?

LoveBook Review

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LoveBook ReviewI was provided a free LoveBook for review! This post contains affiliate links as well. 

LoveBook Review

When your spouse is deployed over the holidays, it can be a bit difficult to figure out what to get them for Christmas. They might be overseas and not be able to use any of the gifts you would normally give them. That’s when you have to look at more creative type gifts. LoveBook would be a perfect example of what you can send to your deployed service member.

LoveBook is a personalized book all about you as a couple. You choose your cover and decide if you want hardcover or softcover. Then you can edit your title. You make your characters look like you and your love. Then, choose your pages and customize them. They are professionally printed and bound to last. You can have as many pages as you want and the book is 5.5″ X 8.5″ in size. They will also ship to an APO.

Here is the one I made!

Pretty cool, huh?

I love how you can make your own pages based on your own relationship! They do give you lots of examples to use but you can change them around to match what you want them to say.

LoveBook

If you want to make one too, use the code SAVETEN for 10% off all LoveBooks

Visit LoveBook for more information and make one for your spouse too! For Christmas, their birthday or your anniversary!

For the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

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For the Military Spouse Who Can't Go Home For ChristmasFor the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

When I was in college, I went home every Christmas break. I loved that. A break from the college routine, a time to see my family and friends from high school. A time to be a “kid” again, if only for a few weeks. I can still remember going back to my apartment after my last final, finishing packing and getting ready to head to the airport.

When we first got married we decided that we would switch off each holiday. So one year we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Then the next year we would switch. This worked well for 3 years. Then we moved and my husband joined the Army and that schedule went out the window.

The truth is, military families have a harder time going home for the holidays.

Going home is going to be easier if you live close enough to drive. You might even be able to go for just the weekend. If you are overseas or across the country from home, getting there for Christmas is going to be a bit more difficult. Christmas block leave is a great thing but not everyone gets to take it. And even when you do, you might not be able to afford to fly the whole family back home.

There are a lot of reasons why military families can’t go home for Christmas.

Maybe you just got married, going home just isn’t an option and this will be your first year away from home for the holidays. Maybe your husband is deployed and with three small children, flying across the country alone just isn’t something you can do. Maybe you don’t even have a good family situation to go visit this year or maybe finances are tight and you need to save for your upcoming PCS in the new year.

Maybe you have fond memories of previous years or your own childhood. Of setting up the tree together, of going Christmas caroling with your childhood church, of baking cookies with Grandma and of having a night out with your best high school friends who you haven’t seen in a while. If you can’t go home, even if it is your choice, you can start to feel sad about all that you are missing. And there really can be a lot to miss. To not be there when everyone else in your family is coming together can be hard to deal with.

If you can’t go home for Christmas, you should do what you can to make the holiday special anyway, with your own little family.

Think up new traditions that your kids would love. Are you overseas? Try to incorporate some of the traditions from the country you are in. Take them back with you when you move back to the US. If you know other families that are staying around for the holidays, make plans to get together with them. Embrace not having to travel during the busiest travel days of the year. Think about how your children will have memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. See if anyone will come and visit you during the holidays instead. Sometimes it is easier for one or two family members to come out to see you instead of all of you going to see them.

So for the military spouse that can’t go home for Christmas…

Make your holidays a special one, even if you are not where you want to be. Make sure to call your mom on Christmas day, think about the new year and enjoy the quietest and more simple Christmas that you are having in your own home. You can’t always go home for Christmas and that is okay. You can still have a special Christmas filled with happy memories and moments with your own family and local community.

Do you usually go home for Christmas?