Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

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So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

The day has come and you had to say goodbye. Day one. Day one of who knows how many days. Day one of this deployment. Whether this is your first deployment or your last, you are going to need some support to get through all of these days. Whether they are gone for four months or fourteen, you are going to need to figure out a way to get through the time apart.

That is where this post comes in handy! First of all, sign up for my free guide for the first 30 days of a deployment! This will help you figure out a game plan and encourage you as you get started down this deployment journey.

You can also take a look at my deployment posts. After going through 4 deployments myself, I have a lot of blog posts all about surviving deployments.

If you didn’t know this already, there is a great community of military spouse bloggers out there. We come from different branches, live in different places but we all have stories and tips to share with our readers. Our hope as milspouse bloggers is to help you and let you know you are not alone in your military journey.

Here are some great posts on deployment by some of my favorite military spouse bloggers:

5 Ways to Keep the Interest Alive When You Are Not Together Enough by Adventures of a Young Wife

7 Deployment Confessions from the Spouse Left Behind by 1200 Miles Away

surviving deployment

Dear Civilians: What Every Military Wife Wants You to Know by Singing Through the Rain

Solo Parenting: Alone But Not Alone by InDependent

Deployment ABCs: Advice for a First Deployment by Countdowns and Cupcakes

End of Deployment is the Worst by the Seasoned Spouse

My Husband Helped Me Through My Run by Wandering Malia

3 Ways Deployments Can Bring You Closer as a Couple by Spouse Buzz

surviving deployments

10 creative ways to help children cope with deployment by Military One Click

10 Relationship-Saving Tips to Use During Deployment by the Military Wife and Mom

The Very Real Truth About Experiencing Deployment for the First Time by Jo, My Gosh

Through the pre-deployment period to the long days of the deployment to the end and getting ready for homecoming, sharing our deployment stories can be a great way to connect and help others who are dealing with a deployment. Although each of our experiences can look a little different, knowing we are not the only ones to go through them is helpful.

We are not able to get through deployments because we are strong, we become strong through the deployments as we stand by the person we have committed to stand by through all life throws at us. 

To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day

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To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day!

The day is coming. You know the one. The holiday that you would just rather skip. You know your friends are getting flowers and chocolate. And a date night. You are getting more dirty diapers and possibly a Skype call from Iraq. But that might not even happen.

You try to tell yourself that you don’t care. That Valentine’s Day is just a “Hallmark” holiday made for dating couples and those who have time and energy to pull something together. But deep down, you are hurting. Your husband is deployed this year. He was in training last year and the year before? You were waiting to join him overseas at your new duty station.

Military Spouses on Valentine's Day

 

You know the military comes first, but does the military always have to take away Valentine’s Day? Probably. Most likely he will be gone the next year too. And even if he is home. Does that matter? Will you even do anything? The only babysitters you have are your friends who would probably like to go out with their own husbands too. Your family just lives too far away to help and your budget can’t afford the $30 or $40 it would take to hire a babysitter.

So military spouse, it’s okay. Being without your love on Valentine’s Day doesn’t make much sense but being a military spouse you know this is all apart of the lifestyle. So this year, you are not going to worry as much. You are going to buy your kids a heart shaped pizza and some candy hearts. You will let them show you their valentine’s cards from school and then put them to bed early. You are going to pour a glass of wine, eat your favorite type of food and binge watch a fun show you have been meaning to catch up on.

You got this. Even if your Valentine’s Day is different than you thought it would be after being married to the love of your life. You got this because someday your spouse will always be home for Valentine’s Day. You got this because you are not alone and so many other military spouses are not spending this day with their loved one either. You got this because you are strong and you can make it through!

 

Military Marriage: It’s Time for a Couple Checkup

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Military Marriage: It’s Time for a Couple Checkup

Military Marriage: It's Time for a Couple Checkup

This is a sponsored post! All opinions are my own!

Pre-martial Counseling

Before my husband and I got married we went to pre-martial counseling. Although this was required before we got married in our church, I am glad we were able to go through the counseling together. When we started the counseling we had to take a special quiz to find out more about our strengths as a couple as well as our weaknesses. Then, during the weeks of the class, we knew what we needed to focus on.

Based on our answers we found out that one of the topics we would probably fight about the most was finances. We grew up in very different types of homes and had different ideas about money. Over the years this has proven to be true although, after 14 years of marriage, we have learned more and more to see money in the same way.

The Couple Check Up

A few weeks ago my husband and I got to use the Couple Checkup, an online customized assessment tool used to help figure out your strengths and weakness as a couple. The Couple Checkup is powered by Prepare and Enrich, the leading relationship inventory and skill-building program used nationally and internationally. This check up reminded me so much of the quiz we took back in 2002. Now, 14 years later, I knew taking another one would be a good idea.Military Marriage: It's Time for a Couple Checkup

This checkup was easy to do on our iPad, but you could also pull it up on your computer or phone. Although we did the quiz the same day, we didn’t have to. Each of us did our part of the checkup on our own and once we both completed them, we received a detailed report. The quiz only took about 15 minutes and was filled with all types of questions about us, our relationship and even specific questions because my husband is in the military.

The three main goals of the Couple Check Up are to celebrate your relationship strengths, identify issues you disagree on and need to resolve and encourage you and your partner to talk about your relationship. The report was 20 pages filled with a lot of great information specific to our relationship. This report goes beyond regular marriage advice and offers you advice based on your own relationship.

The key relationship areas that the report talks about are communication, conflict resolution, financial management, leisure activities, sexual relationship, family and friends and spiritual beliefs. There are also sections on how we feel about roles and responsibilities, children and parenting and military life. There is even a section about our own personalities and how they differ from one another.

As a military couple, sometimes we can get so caught up in the day to day business of life.

For us that might mean a busy week followed by a drill weekend and another busy week. For others, deployments can mean not really being able to talk seriously for weeks on end. You really have to be proactive about your marriage and your struggles.

I think this Couple Check Up is a great idea because the report is a great starting off point to talk about what is going on in your marriage. You can find out where you don’t line up with one another. You can also see where you are on the same page which can also be helpful. Through the years, your marriage will change, especially being a military couple. Finding ways to connect and communicate through these changes is important.

My husband and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. Knowing we have a jumping off point to talk about the things in our marriage that need a little more attention is going to be a good thing. I learned more about him and he learned more about me.

You can visit the Couple Check Up and learn more about this great tool to help you and your own military marriage. Cost is $19.95!

 

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

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How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

Sometimes military life is pretty exciting! You are days away from a PCS to a great location. Your husband just got home from his deployment. You have great friends and are able to keep busy and life is great. Other times, you are going to feel like your life is just one big groundhog’s day. You do the same things over and over again. This is especially true during a deployment and even more so when you have small children who are not in school yet. The days just come and go and you can get a little bored doing the same things every single day.

So what can you do about that? How can you break out of your boring military spouse routine?

1. Visit a new club/meeting

Find a new club or regular meeting to go to. Have kids? Go to MOPS. Love to read? Go to that book club you heard about. There should be something you can go to where you could meet new people and enjoy yourself. See what your local Facebook pages have to offer. Look for events going on in your community. Get yourself out there and make plans to change what you do during the week.

2. Start going on a daily run or walk

Make plans to go on a daily walk or run. This will break up your day and will keep you healthier. If you don’t want to run or walk, go to the gym or for a swim. Working on your fitness is a great way to change things up. If you want to lose weight and do so, you could buy a few new items for your wardrobe. Donate your older clothes and start fresh.

3. Join a play group

If you have kids, join a play group. If you don’t like the one you are in, join a different one. Keep taking your kids if they are having fun. You will get to meet other moms and you will have something to keep you busy during the week. If you feel each day is just another chore of getting through the day with your kids, a play group can really help with getting out of that dull routine.

4. Apply for a job

If you are really bored with life, it could be time to find a new job. Update your resume and start looking. Figure out what you want to do and how many hours you would like to work. Even working a few hours a week can help with your mood. See what works for you and start applying. Having a job is also a great way to meet new people when you pcs. You can also look for volunteer opportunities in your local community.

5. Go back to school

Did you start a college program and wanted to go back? Maybe now is the time to do so. Look up online colleges as well as what your local colleges might offer. You can take one class or sign up for a full-time schedule. Look into scholarships for a military spouse as well as looking into using your spouse’s GI Bill. There are a lot of options for paying for school. If you don’t know what you want to study, that is okay, you can take some general ed classes until you are able to figure that out.

6. Go on a trip

Take a trip somewhere. Maybe you can just go camping for a weekend? Maybe you want to finally plan that Disneyworld trip? Figure out what you can do and make some plans. You might need to take time off work or plan to board the dog but make the trip happen. Taking yourself out of where you are can help break you out of a boring routine.

7. Visit home

Taking a trip home can be very refreshing. You can spend time with your family, go out with friends and just relax a bit away from your everyday life. Depending on where you live, your home might be a bit warmer than where you are stationed and getting a break from cold winter weather can be good for your soul. If you can’t visit home, see if someone can visit you and you can enjoy your time together as you show them your world.

No one needs to stay in a rut. If you feel like you are in one, there is a lot you can do to add more to your daily life. You should also keep in mind that deployments do not last forever, that duty stations do no last forever and that you can wake up every day ready to make some changes so that your life can be a little more like the way you want your life to be.

What do you do to get out of a boring military spouse routine?

10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment

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10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment

During deployments or even during drill weekends I have found that binge-watching a television show can really make things a lot easier. I can get lost in the show, lost in the characters and that can take away those lonely nights missing my husband. Focusing on something else always works and watching a good tv show is a great way to do it.

With Netflix, Hulu and Amazon, binge watching couldn’t be easier. Back during our 2007 deployment I either had to get DVDs from the library or watch shows on YouTube, 10 minutes at a time. Not ideal I know. I much prefer Netflix these days.

So…if you want to get lost in a story, check out these binge-worthy television shows:

One Tree Hill

One Tree Hill is about a fictional town in North Carolina. It’s the story of two brothers, both raised in very different families and small town life. Basically, normal teenagers, trying to figure out life, love, and relationships. This show has 9 seasons and a lot of fans like to rewatch over and over again.

Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl takes place in New York City and is narrated by the “Gossip Girl.” Another show about teenagers but this time they are from the Upper East Side. They have money, a lot of money and all the problems that go with money. Gossip Girl has 6 seasons and will keep you guessing about who the “Gossip Girl” is the whole time.

Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls is a fun show about a mother and daughter living in a small town in Connecticut. This is a quirky show with a ton of fun supporting characters. There are 7 seasons and Netflix just came out with Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life that you must watch once you finish with the regular seasons.

The West Wing

I am a HUGE fan of The West Wing. This show is all about President Bartlet and his staff. They take on real issues and each character has their own situations they are going through. I have already watched this show twice and would love to start a third round. There are 7 seasons.

Vampire Diaries

Vampire Diaries is an exciting show about a town in Virginia, Mystic Falls with Vampires and other supernatural creatures. Elena is a regular old high school student who loses her parents in a car crash. Then she meets Stefen and Damon, vampire brothers. And everything changes. There are 8 seasons and a spin-off, the Originals.

Pretty Little Liars

Pretty Little Liars takes place in Rosewood, Pennsylvania. Four friends try to figure out what to do after their friend Alison is allegedly murdered. This show will keep you hooked because you just want to find out what is going on. There are 7 seasons of PLL.

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time takes place in the fictional seaside town of Storybrooke, Maine. But who lives in this town? All your favorite fairytale characters, only they are under a spell and don’t remember where they came from. Emma, a bail bonds person comes to the town and learns she is the only one who can save it. This show has 6 seasons and is still going on with new characters added all the time.

Grey’s Anatomy

If you are looking for a mix of medicine and drama, Grey’s Anatomy is going to be your show. This show is on season 13 with more to come. Meredith Grey is the main character and as the show starts she is starting the residency program at Seattle Grace Hospital. You might think that it isn’t possible for one hospital to have this much drama but you don’t care because the show is keeping you entertained.

Doctor Who

If you love science fiction, time travel, British tv, you will probably like Doctor Who. I will fully admit this show is not for everyone but those that watch and fall in love with it can’t get enough. This show could be your deployment show as there are a ton of episodes to watch. You can go all the way back and watch some of the original show but I suggest starting with the newer episodes. There are 9 seasons of that, the 10th should start sometime in the near future.

The Office

The Office is such a great show to binge watch. This show is a Mockumentary about an office in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Some of these characters will drive you nuts, others will make you roll your eyes but you won’t be able to get enough of this silly show. There are 9 seasons to enjoy.

 

What shows do you love to watch during a deployment?

 

 

What To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station

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What To Do When You Can't Make Friends At Your New Duty StationWhat To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station

One of the best things you can do in your military life journey is to find friends to walk through this life with. Friends who understand deployments, what going through a PCS every three years is really like and friends who you can make memories with during the years you are a military spouse. Military friendships are so important and are very much needed. But sometimes, making friends isn’t so easy. Sometimes you can feel like you are being friendly and can’t seem to click with anyone. So what should you do? What can you do when you can’t make friends at your duty station?

Are you putting yourself out there on a regular basis?

If you are struggling to make friends at your new duty station, how often are you putting yourself out there? Did you go to one FRG meeting and decide you can’t make friends there? Are you looking for fun things to do at your duty station? Put yourself out there as often as you can. Sign up for that book club, join that yoga class, start going to MOPS. The more places you go, the more people you will meet, the higher the chances that you will start making friends.

Use your children

If you have kids, you will have a lot of chances to make new friends. If you signed your child up for T-ball, see if there are any other moms to talk with. Take your kids to a lot of places on a regular basis. Is there a playgroup near where you live? If so, go. And not just once. Keep going. Even if you don’t meet anyone right away, your kids can have fun, meet new people and that can help with friendships for you.

Remember, sometimes it does take time

Remember that when you move to a new place, it can take some time to find friends and even more time to find best friends. Try not to lose hope if you are new to your duty station. Sometimes we get lucky and meet some new people we click with right away but that doesn’t always happen and it is important to remember this.

 

Do what you love

Dating advice that says to involve yourself in activities you enjoy and then you will be able to surround yourself with potential dates who you have something in common with. The same is true with finding friends. If you love to read, join a book club. You will meet other people who also love to read and you will know you already have something in common.

“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.” 

— Irish Proverb

A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan Meissner

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A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan MeissnerThis post does contain affiliate links!

A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan Meissner

I have been on a huge historical fiction kick lately. I read the book, The Secrets of a Charmed Life by Susan Meissner and loved it. I wanted to read the other books she had written. Looking online I came across her newest book, due out in March, A Bridge Across the Ocean.

I received a free copy of A Bridge Across the Ocean for review from Netgalley! 

About the book:

February 1946. World War Two is over, but the recovery from the most intimate of its horrors has only just begun for Annaliese Lange, a German ballerina desperate to escape her past, and Simone Deveraux, the wronged daughter of a French Resistance spy.

Now the two women are joining hundreds of other European war brides aboard the renowned RMS Queen Mary to cross the Atlantic and be reunited with their American husbands. Their new lives in the United States brightly beckon until their tightly-held secrets are laid bare in their shared stateroom. When the voyage ends at New York Harbor, only one of them will disembark…

Present day. Facing a crossroads in her own life, Brette Caslake visits the famously haunted Queen Mary at the request of an old friend. What she finds will set her on a course to solve a seventy-year-old tragedy that will draw her into the heartaches and triumphs of the courageous war brides—and will ultimately lead her to reconsider what she has to sacrifice to achieve her own deepest longings.

My Thoughts:

I was born in Long Beach, where the Queen Mary is today and reading about the War Brides was so very interesting! I would love to plan a visit to see the Queen Mary again the next time I am in California.

The War Brides were foreign wives of US Military men who married during WW2. They had been separated from their American husbands and their trip across the ocean was going to reunite them after the war. Some of these women hadn’t seen their husband in months or even close to a year. As a military spouse myself, I can imagine how excited these women felt but also how nervous they must have been getting ready to start their new lives in America.

The only thing about this book is the multiple storylines. I felt like there was one too many. It made the book a little more confusing than it needed to be. But other than that, this book was another amazing read!

I am now on my library’s waiting list for A Fall of Marigolds, another one of Susan Meissner’s books!

A Bridge Across the Ocean will be published on March 14, 2017 🙂

Top 10 Military Spouse Posts Of 2016

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Top 10 Military Spouse Posts Of 2016Top 10 Military Spouse Posts Of 2016

We have almost made it to the end of 2016! Yay! Who is ready for a new year? I know I am! I am ready to refresh, restart and regroup as we head into 2017.

As I look back on the last year of this blog, I have grown a lot. All thanks to you guys, my amazing readers. So thank you for coming to read my words, that means so much to me 🙂

I am looking forward to seeing what will happen in 2017.

Now, here is a list of my top 10 posts in 2016, based on how much traffic they each got:

  1. When Military Life Breaks You– Have you ever felt like military life is just breaking you? I have. Feeling this way can be so difficult but it is important to know you are not the only one to feel that way.

  2. Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like– Being a military spouse can be so different from civilian life. These memes explain this life very well!

  3. 10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage– Military marriage has challenges, ones that need to be worked through. This is all about tips for a better military marriage.

  4. The Very Best Places You Could Get Stationed As a Military Family– Colorado? Hawaii? Germany? Have you been to any of these places? They are the best places you could get stationed as a military family.

  5. 23 Memes That Explain What Going Through A Deployment is Really Like– Only people who have been through deployment can understand what they are really like. These memes explain deployment well.

  6. 27 Military Spouse Memes for a Difficult Deployment Day-Deployment life can be quite harsh. These memes will help.

  7. 8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety– Anxiety is hard to deal with. Add in military life and knowing what to do to deal with that anxiety can be difficult.

  8. Feeling Homesick As A Military Spouse– As military spouses, we sometimes live far away from where we grew up. We can really miss our families and homesickness can hit us hard.

  9. What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military– There is so so much to think about before you get married to someone in the military. This won’t be an easy life, but it can be a good one.

  10. For the Military Spouse Going Through a Deployment Over Christmas– Christmas time without your spouse can be very hard for some people.

I am looking forward to all the new things that 2017 will bring. I hope that you too have a happy new year and see you in 2017!