Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!

How One Military Spouse Said Yes to the Journey and Ended Up With An Amazing Career

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Animal in africa

Wouldn’t it be fun to be in the same Time Zone? This question kept bouncing around in my head. My husband had been called up from the US Navy Reserves and was stationed at As Sayliyah Army Base, Qatar.

After 18 years of marriage, I was used to the Active Duty / Civilian Life hybrid. On 9-11, as I watched the second Twin Tower fall, my husband called from work. He asked me to be prepared to take a phone call from his Navy Reserve Command. By that afternoon, I received the call that he was to report for Duty immediately. Now, nine years later, it was time for him to once again report for Active Duty. 

After we were married, as the “trailing spouse,” nonprofits were my specialty. With a passion for Human Rights and International Development, I spent most of my time Stateside, occasionally taking short assignments in Africa. With my husband being recalled to Qatar, it seemed like the right time to take the leap. I was going to work in Africa full-time.  

Elephant in Africa

Easier said than done. For months, I started going to job sites and scouring openings each day. One day, at my wit’s end, I called my husband and started moaning and complaining. “There is nothing out there. No job fits my skillset.” My kind husband sternly told me to find two jobs.

Regardless of how well they fit, apply. Knowing he was right, I went back online and was surprised to find an opening I hadn’t seen before. Odd, as it was posted over a month before. While not exactly my skillset, it was in the perfect place for me, South Sudan. 

As fate would have it, I had been working with the Lost Boys and South Sudan on the Referendum for Independence. In 2011, the Republic of South Sudan became the newest nation on Earth. If I could land this job, I’d not only fulfill my dream of truly helping build the nation, but I could also be in the same Time Zone as my husband. I applied.

Africa

Fast forward several months, and I received an email. Would I be willing to come to New York City for a job interview? What an opportunity! I walked around Central Park discussing my role with the Wildlife Conservation Society South Sudan.

It was a hot Summer Day in NYC. Many of the questions kept coming back to my being a Military Spouse. Interestingly, I later found out that this played a key role in their hiring me. They believed my ability to handle life as a MilSpouse showed that I could live and work in South Sudan. I had hit the MilSpouse Lottery! Woohoo!

In reality, my husband was feted by the Qataris. He enjoyed Jet Skiing and friendly Shooting Competitions with his Qatari counterparts. As I lay sweating in our Juba Guesthouse, listening to Antonovs circling the skies, his Army Chaplain frequently asked if I was okay. But, even though our camp in Boma, South Sudan, had become snake-infested, I forged lifelong friendships. 

Animals in Africa

Out of hardship comes strength and clarity. I so deeply love our mission of saving Africa’s Wildlife that it became my mission. Upon returning home, when my husband’s tour ended, I founded my company, Flyga Twiga. For the past 11 years, I have been helping others experience Africa at its best. 

Safari is the Swahili word for “journey”. Just as we are on the MilSpouse journey. I think a key MilSpouse Super Power is the ability to say yes. Yes to the journey. Yes to opportunities. Yes to embracing the unknown. Yes to adventure. Saying yes to the wonderful, Crazy Life!

Amy Millican is Owner & Founder of, Flyga Twiga™ LLC, a Personal Safari Service, specializing in East and Southern African bespoke Safaris. Named One of Top “21 Businesses We Love” by Military Spouse Magazine. The United States Military affiliated are Flyga Twiga’s primary Clients. Amy lives and works out of South Korea, home to the largest overseas US Military Base. 

Thank you to Amy for her guest post about how she took the opportunity to work with the Wildlife Conservation Society in South Sudan while her husband was in Qatar. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

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I became an Army spouse back in 2012 in the Colorado Springs/Fort Carson area. This is where the journey began for my husband, myself, our daughter, and later, our son. Everyone says I can never be with someone in the Military. They always ask, “How do you do it?” My response is, “ I just do, because I love him.” Sounds so cliche, cheesy, corny even, but I have been managing this lifestyle for 13 years now, and each challenge has brought me and my spouse that much closer. 

When we received an abrupt notice that we were getting orders to Ft. Sill Oklahoma, my heart sunk. I was so nervous because I hadn’t heard much good things about the Drill Sgt. lifestyle. They train day and night with hardly any rest in between. There are strict rules about the trainees being left alone so there must be a Drill Sgt with them at all times until lights out. 

This has been very exhausting for my husband. He likes to stay physically fit and loves our family time. We have had to get creative on how to squeeze in any time together, whether it’s a quick coffee date or simply vegging around binge-watching a show on his days off.

The other challenge has been keeping in sync with each other’s schedules; we don’t always align. For instance, he works the weekends as well, so while he gets up at 4:30 a.m., the kids and I are trying to sleep in. He also can’t text or call me much because he is surrounded by trainees all day long, or he can even be in the field for hours. Communicating can be hard, too. 

This can make any social functions or planning very difficult because, just like any job in the military, they can’t request time off so easily. We have been adjusting and trying to make the most of the time we do have together.

How do I balance it all?

I am currently treating this time as if he were deployed even though he is at work, on base,15 miles down the road. I just do the things that bring me the most joy and whatever occupies my time. I got a new job, I’m exercising, I go on adventures with my kids, and I try to visit with my friends and family.

It all comes down to what you value the most and what is important to you. I do try my best to be home whenever I know he will be back so that I can at least get some time to catch up. I wash his uniforms, make him meals, pay bills, and do anything to make things easier for him. It is a very selfless time for me. I’ve even had Uber Eats send him his favorite food to his work site. 

I am looking forward to when this time-consuming schedule fades. I know it will all be worth the sacrifice. Counting down to retirement, but that is a whole other article. Stay positive, and best of luck in your adventures.

Thank you to Stacey for her guest post about being the spouse of a drill sergeant. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

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So happy to have this guest post by Victoria on loneliness and what you can do about it during military life. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

“I’m having trouble fitting in around here.”

“How can I make friends at this new base?”

I see these comments or variations on many military spouse websites. And, of course, the pandemic didn’t help the feeling of loneliness and isolation. If you are a MilSpo, you have felt this at one time or another. You’ve just moved to a new location. You haven’t had time to explore your new community or meet the neighbors, what with unpacking boxes and enrolling the kids in their new school, and getting them settled.

When we moved to Oklahoma in 2009, my adult daughter was concerned because we had been there for a few months, and I wasn’t talking about any new friends yet. I’m uber extroverted, so for me not to be relating stories about all the new friends I’d made by now was disconcerting for her.

The problem was that we only had one car, and we didn’t live on base, so it was harder for me to get around and meet people. I assured her I was okay, and I had a lunch date with a group of women the next day. Life was good, although I was more than ready to get my social life going.

I’m afraid my advice for counteracting loneliness might not sit well with introverts. However, it is necessary if you want to get the most out of your military assignment. 

Get Out: You have to get out of your house and introduce yourself to your neighbors—whether you live on base or post. People are busy, so the days when neighbors stopped by with a plate of cookies are rare, even though their intentions might be good. In Oklahoma, I made the cookies and took them to the neighbors to introduce myself.

Join In: Join, join, join anything that interests you: spouse clubs, chapel groups, the PTA at your children’s school. Anywhere you can find like-minded people. Spouse clubs usually have smaller clubs such as book clubs, Bunko, golf, bowling, Mahjong — just about anything you are interested in doing.

Volunteer: When you help out others, you are helping yourself as well. So many organizations on base can use your help, and I’ve made some of my closest friends through volunteering. Check with your Family Readiness Center for volunteer opportunities on your installation.

Do It: I can hear some of you already saying you are shy and have a tough time putting yourself out there. My response is to say, “too bad. Suck it up and do it anyway.” Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is necessary to make an effort to find your niche if you want to get the most enjoyment out of your life as a MilSpo. And remember, the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

Victoria Terrinoni is the author of “Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse,” available on Amazon. Her husband, Dave, retired in 2018 after 31 years in the Air Force. They live in central Illinois so that they can spoil two of their four grandchildren. She has a blog about her military life at https://victoriaterrinoni.wordpress.com

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

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Happy to have this guest post by Becca! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

Being a military spouse is a hard job. Being a parent of teens is even harder. When deployments come, and you’re left to parent teenagers on your own, it can feel like going into battle with only a popsicle stick as a weapon. Teenagers aren’t as scary as they sound, as long as you know what to do when the going gets rough. Deployments represent an extraordinary chance to connect with your teens and strengthen your bond.

A Note About Teenagers

We were warned about the teenage years. Everyone told us they would be terrible – that our kids would run amok, be defiant, and skip school. While those things do sometimes happen, I’m here to tell you that, by and large, teenagers are awesome. 

In their teen years, our kids grow into themselves. We get to see glimpses of the adults they will become. It’s a wonderful time for meaningful conversations about life, the world, and your child’s place in it. And let’s not forget that teenagers are self-sufficient: they sleep until noon if you let them, do their own laundry, and once they get a driver’s license, you can have them stop at the grocery store on the way home from school. 

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Teens face very real, very scary problems: societal pressures, mental health challenges, bullying, drugs, alcohol, sex. I’d take potty training and tantrums any day over having to navigate some of the issues my teens have faced.

Being a Teenager in a Military Family

Military kids aren’t immune from typical teenage problems. In fact, they face even greater challenges because they are military kids: constantly moving from one school to the next, saying goodbye to friends at a pivotal time in their lives, and living without one or both parents for months on end. During a deployment, those typical teenage problems seem even more significant to our kids. 

As the parent left behind, we often take on the brunt of their pain, anger, and sadness. Guiding teenagers through a parent’s deployment can feel like a monumental task, but it is not impossible. With enough careful planning, love, and outside support, you can help your teens cope during a deployment. 

Take Care of Yourself First

We hear it all the time as military spouses: you have to take care of yourself first. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” they tell us. “You have to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” All cheesy cliches aside, self-care is vital, especially during emotionally exhausting times of life. Teenagers can be super wonderful most of the time, but they are also challenging at others.

Your energy isn’t infinite. To have enough energy to support your teens when they struggle, you have to recharge first. Start by carving out some time for yourself. 

Keep Them Talking

Teenagers might act like they don’t need us (and they might even believe they don’t). However, in these formative years, parental guidance is crucial. When one parent is deployed, half of our kids’ parenting support system is gone for months at a time. 

Be intentional about creating and maintaining open communication. Getting a teen to open up about thoughts and feelings isn’t always easy, but the tips in this link can help you start a dialogue. Let them know that you are a safe space, that your teen can tell you anything, without judgment – and mean it. 

Secondly, before a deployment, have your spouse create a communication plan with your teen. Maybe it’s an online game that your teen and your spouse can play together across the miles. Perhaps it’s a weekly phone call solely between your spouse and your teens. Encourage your kids to keep a journal of things they want to tell their deployed parent. Then, during that scheduled call, they’ll have lots to talk about.

Encourage External Support

Teens value the opinions of their peers. Often, they’ll listen to their peers long before they listen to adults. The trick is to guide your teens toward healthy, positive friendships that strengthen their mental and emotional health.

Military kids face specific challenges that only other military kids can truly understand. If your child doesn’t have any military-associated friends, encourage them to seek out groups of military peers. Connecting with other military kids can help your teen feel less alone. 

If your child struggles to find others who understand, suggest the following:

  • School groups with like-minded people. Many military communities have after-school programs that connect military kids.
  • Contact the School Liaison Officer on your campus. This person can help direct your child towards support programs for teens with deployed parents. 
  • Online groups, such as Military Kids Connect. Many teens feel more comfortable opening up online than they do in person. Of course, be sure to monitor these online groups and ensure everyone stays safe.

If your child is genuinely struggling with mental or emotional health, contact your medical professional. You might also reach out to on-post mental health services, such as the completely free Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) representative on your installation. Some locations have MFLCs that work specifically with children and teens. Many therapists off-post also take Tricare insurance, giving your child access to a great network of mental health professionals at no cost. 

Stay Busy

During a deployment, days can often feel twice as long. Staying busy helps the time pass quickly, and it helps keep you and your teens connected. Sit down together and brainstorm ideas for a “deployment bucket list.” Include places to go, things to do, and unique experiences to do together while your spouse is deployed. Then, choose at least one item from that list to complete each week.

You can also encourage your teens to stay busy with after-school activities, sports, time with friends, and pursuing new hobbies. Fill your days – and theirs – with mental stimulation and physical activity. Staying busy not only helps the deployment go by faster, but it also gives you and your teen an outlet to release your emotional and mental stress.

Lower Your Expectations

We sometimes forget that our teenagers aren’t mini-adults. They’re still kids. And they’re kids dealing with very real emotions about their deployed parent. Cut your kids some slack during deployment and lower your expectations. Mental health is always more important than an “A” on the science test.

Even in the best of circumstances, parenting teens can be tough. Adding a deployment to the equation sometimes makes it feel impossible. Take it one day at a time. Take care of yourself. And love your kids hard. Eventually, that deployment countdown will hit zero, and you’ll be a stronger family because you faced this hardship together.  

Becca Stewart is an Air Force Spouse, mother of two, freelance writer, and sufferer of Wanderlust. Originally from Colorado, she enjoys anything outdoors, especially if there’s snow involved. She is a travel fanatic, always looking for her next great adventure. As a full-time writer, Becca works closely with several nonprofit organizations and is a passionate advocate for human rights and military families. She is Mom to two incredible kids, one teen, and one young adult. Together, they’ve been through four deployments and countless TDYs.  Learn more at writebecca.com.  Website Facebook LinkedIn

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

The best advice I can give a new military spouse is to brace yourself. Being a military spouse is hard work. It does not matter what branch, what rank, if you’re full-time, guard, or reserve. Military life is a big adjustment and you cannot prepare yourself for it.

I married my husband 5 years ago. He is in the Army National Guard and we were part-time. He had a civilian job, went to drill one weekend a month, and training two weeks a year. Or that’s what I was told.

After we were married things changed very quickly. Suddenly, he was putting on a uniform every day and going to work at the armory. There were schools he went to that lasted a month or more. There were classes he would travel to go to.

For Hurricane duty, he would pack a bag at a moment’s notice, leave and I didn’t know when he would be back. Annual training went from two weeks to three and then to four weeks. Before I knew it, he was gone all the time.

One year, from January to August he was only home for 10 weeks. Now I am in our first deployment and that really shocked me to the core. Even though I was used to him not being home, deployment created several new issues I had not planned on having to struggle with. It is hard being the only adult making decisions and trying to roll through whatever Murphy’s Law is throwing at you.

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

So, the advice I give to spouses I talk with is to:

  • Breathe…..take it one day at a time.
  • If you can’t take it day by day, that’s ok. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. You do whatever you need to do to survive that day.
  • Every day will get a little easier and so will the next and the next. Before long you will be a professional conquering Murphy’s Law and navigating through the military world.
  • Find your tribe, lean on other spouses. Other spouses are your best resource for information and support. They might not be in the same boat, but they are in the same storm.
  • Most importantly…..take care of you!! If you are not taking care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else.

Best of luck to all new military spouses. I hope you enjoy this life as much as I do.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Ideas to Improve Military Spouse Employment and Finding Those Remote Opportunities

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Happy to have this guest post by Linda on working from home and employment. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

35% of Military Spouses are saying that they are NOT employed but NEED OR WANT employment. 

According to the BSF/IVMF Survey # Respondents, Military Spouse Employment remains the reigning TOP ISSUE for Military Families! Link to Survey: https://bluestarfam.org/survey/

Reason’s why it is the TOP ISSUE –  It creates financial stress when with each PCS move a spouse loses her job and is forced into unemployment or under-employment status taking a low paying position at the new location. Add to that the stress from COVID 19 with the impact of school closures, daycare closures, the cost of childcare and access to quality, affordable childcare in general, and an unpredictable daily work schedule of their service member, and you have the perfect recipe for Military Spouses and Service Members to choose their FAMILY over Service when it comes time to re-enlist.  

What Needs to Be Done –  Companies that hire military spouses and offer remote work opportunities along with flexible schedules and opportunities for advancement, need access to the Military Spouses and need to be able to share those opportunities in the community. Community businesses around military installations need to reconsider their stance on hiring or choosing not to hire military spouses because of the amount of time we may or may not be at a duty station. In the civilian sector, employees are typically not staying in a position longer than 5 years.  

At the Command level, reasonable accommodation for service members that need to manage home or family obligations should be encouraged. Explore ways to expand military childcare capacity or expand the MCCYN Military Child Care in Your Neighborhood fee assistance program and make it easier for those “underground” childcare providers to gain the quality rating necessary to be on the installation provider list.

Encourage partnerships with organizations that have DOD agreements to complement the services being offered through ACS, MWR, the Education Center, and SFL TAP by inviting them to Newcomer Briefings and allowing them to provide the information for additional employment opportunity support.  If the spouses do not know about it, they can not access it. 

This also is THE #1 Issue Impacting your Service Member Retention! 

To address the Military Spouse Employment Issue, there has been an explosion of grassroots Non-Profit Organizations in the last 10 years, STARTED by Military Spouses or Veterans that aim to alleviate military spouse Un and Under-Employment 

Who are they? This is by no means a complete list but is a list of the Organizations that are vetted, and I have personal experience with: 

  • Hiring Our Heroes Military Spouse Professional Network – National and Local Installation locations
  • USO Pathfinder Transition and Military Spouse Programs 
  • Blue Star Families 
  • IVMF Institute for Veterans and Military Families – O2O Onward to Opportunity with Syracuse University 
  • Vets2Industry 
  • MSEP Military Spouse Employment Partnership 
  • Vet Jobs 
  • VirtForce 
  • Veterati 
  • MOAA Military Officers Association of America 

What do they do? These organizations tackle Military Spouse and Veteran Employment and have something slightly different to offer that sets them apart from each other. However, they all work together closely and share a passion for their mission. 

I wish I had known about them 10 years ago as I struggled my way through my own career journey. I only learned about them 2 years ago, and only because the little reserve installation we were near actually had a PPP representative, and she shared these with me! 

The above resources have connections to company partners that are Military Spouse and Veteran friendly employers who have a commitment to hiring Military Spouses and Veterans. Some of them have the same partners, but many of them have their own unique relationships with different companies and if you know what all of them are doing, you are only going to increase your chances of finding the perfect job or personal growth opportunity for your family’s situation! All of them have Vetted Opportunities and are often remote and some are CONUS and OCONUS friendly.  

Working From Home Life 

Almost everyone I speak to, says, “I would love to work at home, you are so lucky! That is what I want to do.” With COVID 19 in 2020, many people found out very quickly some of the challenges of working from home as their spouses, and children joined them at home, and they got to have ALL that EXTRA together time.  

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I will ever go back into an office again in my lifetime. However, with that said, it isn’t for everyone.  

Things to consider: 

  1. Are you self-disciplined? 
  2. Are you an extremely social person? 
  3. Do you have a dedicated office or workspace, or could you create one? 
  4. Is the position a W2 position or an Independent Contractor (1099) position? **This one has tax implications. 1099 Independent Contractors do not have taxes taken out and should be paying taxes quarterly. You may want to get a CPA.**) 

There are companies out there that are committed to hiring military spouses, and some were created by military spouses to be able to offer REMOTE, Portable employment with ROOM for Advancement, flexible schedules, and a network of other military spouses, that just get it! 

Be Active On LinkedIn

Get your free LinkedIn Premium account https://socialimpact.linkedin.com/programs/veterans/milspouses

Connect with the networks I mentioned above and follow them. Start Networking and attending events and learn about the companies that are committed to hiring military spouses. Do some self-reflection and narrow down what career path you are on and find your dream job! 

Linda Bailey has been a Military Spouse for 16+ years, with 3 grown children, and 3 fur babies. She is an Empty Nester preparing for life after the military in a few years. She has somehow managed to stay employed throughout her husband’s career, but she WILL say that it has not been easy. Her new mission in life is to help other military spouses have a better career path than her own. She has just spent 30 Days posting on Linked In and sharing resources for Military Spouses and discovered some great opportunities that did not exist during her search for employment over the years. Please check her out on LinkedIN and Facebook.

What You Need to Know About Being Stationed in Germany

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So happy to have Malori from Warrior Life Wellness to tell us all about what it is like to be stationed in Germany! She has some great advice for anyone who will be pcsing to Germany anytime soon. Please let me know if you would like to guest post about where you are stationed!

stationed in Germany

Our OCONUS PCS

Moving to Germany is something that happens to “other military families.”  Just like I never thought I would marry a soldier, I never thought we’d get stationed overseas – even though it was a dream of mine to live in Europe.  Well, as you probably have guessed by now, I did marry a soldier and we did get stationed overseas! I knew we were in for the adventure of a lifetime, but I did not have proper expectations of what that entirely meant.

When my husband Mark received orders for Germany in 2017, he was deployed to east Africa.  I was back at Ft. Bragg, in my senior year of nursing school, so to say we had a lot on our plates is an understatement!  As it would happen, my husband had to report to Germany before I was done with school. So he did the geo-bachelor life for about three months.

stationed in Germany

This meant I had the pleasure of handling our first OCONUS PCS alone….while finishing nursing school.  (OCONUS = outside the continental United States) I don’t suggest these circumstances, but I did gain a certain sense of accomplishment from completing the move (and school) without anything major going wrong.  My parents came for my graduation and to help with the last-minute PCS tasks, like overseeing the movers. If you are ever in a solo PCS situation, especially overseas, get your family or close friends to help! It makes a world of difference.

Five days after graduation, I was on the Patriot Express to Ramstein, Germany; final destination, USAG Wiesbaden.  It was wonderful to simply live with my husband again after almost a year apart! But on top of that, we had a new country to explore together.  I definitely had my rose-colored glasses on, though. While having a positive attitude about any PCS is important, it’s equally important to have realistic expectations.  As my husband likes to preach: “expectation management.” This is not about being negative or complaining, but simply having a balanced outlook for your transition. It helps lessen that feeling of overwhelm.

Expectation Management

The first thing I did not expect was being so jet-lagged.  I had flown to Europe once before, when I was 20, and I don’t remember feeling particularly jet-lagged. But 12 years later? I felt like I got run over by a bus every day for at least two weeks! Even with sleeping 10-12 hours a night at first, I couldn’t conjure up my normal energy.  So my first piece of advice, for anyone moving overseas, is to give yourself plenty of time to adjust and sleep. It really does take several weeks to get over jet lag!

Another thing I did not expect was experiencing culture shock.  I again drew on my former European experience. I had spent 5 weeks in Austria for a summer music program, and I remember feeling like I fit in so well.  However, visiting Europe, even for an extended trip, is much different than coming here to live. (Austria is also very different culturally from Germany, despite both being German-speaking countries.)  I also assumed that since Germany is a first-world, western country, surely culture shock would not exist!  I even have experience with German culture, from doing Bavarian folk dancing and taking over four years of German language courses.

stationed in Germany

But my pride got the best of me and I struggled big time with adjusting.  Even if you live on post, like we are mandated to do, you have to get used to the driving rules, shopping on the economy, cultural nuances like shops being closed on Sundays, and most of all, the language.  There are also specific rules tied to being here with the military, like how to use VAT forms, what you cannot have sent to your APO box, getting your home-based business approved, and more. Expect that you will have a significant adjustment period to the culture. Because culture shock threw me for such a loop, I made a YouTube video about it! https://youtu.be/mqFEQIv4IjA You are not alone in your feelings.

Something else I have a bad habit of doing for any PCS is to believe that I can jump into a routine right away.  In our last PCS I was forced to do that, as I started pre-nursing courses almost immediately after arriving at Ft. Bragg. Other things like learning the best places and times to shop, learning the lay of the land, and finding your tribe take time.  Yet I always have this underlying belief that “this time” I’ll be more efficient. But with an OCONUS move, you have all the normal PCS adjustments to make, plus the foreign country aspect. With myself, I also had the added stress of studying for the NCLEX (RN nursing board exam), which I had to take in London, England.

stationed in Germany

So with an overseas move, I’d say to give yourself at least six months to feel fully “adjusted,” if not one year. Don’t beat yourself up when you feel homesick or are totally frustrated.  Normally OCONUS assignments are three years, so you will have at least two years during which you’ll feel pretty comfortable!

What helps with the transition overseas?

What makes a positive difference when moving to a foreign country is receiving your household goods.  (It IS possible for government housing to feel like home!) It also helps to meet your neighbors and to make at least one close friend with whom you can commiserate and go through this unique experience together.

stationed in Germany

Finally, get out and travel, travel, TRAVEL! The biggest mistake I made last year was isolating myself. I’m a combination introvert/extrovert, and after nursing school my extrovert was burnt out. I craved quiet time.  But after awhile, it got too quiet and anxiety set in. A great pick-me-up is finding a new place to visit during each month’s 4-day weekend! Make a list of your dream travel list, and then strategically plan your year according to the training holiday schedule.  It might take several trips to get the hang of European travel planning, but tons of traveling is something you will NOT regret!

Since a blog post can only be so long, I’ll leave my advice and tips at that. However, if you want more support in your OCONUS PCS and adjustment period, come find me on YouTube!  http://www.youtube.com/c/MaloriMayor14 I have a growing library of videos about how to PCS to Germany, as well as what life is like here.  I love helping other milspouses in their move to another country. It’s a monumental task, but you will be forever grateful for it.  Embrace the journey!


Bio: Malori Mayor is a registered nurse, classically-trained violinist, blogger and YouTuber, and most importantly, wife to Mark for almost 5 years.  Deployments, PTSD, and TBI may have rocked their world in past years, but they weathered through the hard times together and are currently enjoying an overseas assignment at USAG Wiesbaden, Germany.  Malori has been casually blogging for over 10 years on various personal blogs, but last year decided to create her business and new website, Warrior Life Wellness. On it she shares her take on health, wellness, and life in Germany.  She also creates YouTube videos about PCSing overseas and life in Germany for other milspouses who are walking the same path. She believes that rigorous organization is key to a smooth OCONUS PCS, so she recently opened an Etsy shop, where milspouses can purchase printable Overseas PCS Binder pages for creating their own organizational binder.  Connect with Malori on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook! 

Blog: https://www.warriorlifewellness.com
YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/c/MaloriMayor14
Instagram link: http://instagram.com/warriorlifewellness
Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/warriorlifewellness
Etsy shop: