Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Life as a Military spouse

What to Think About Before You Marry a Service Member

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Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted your future to include the military.

So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines?

What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?

Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:

Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life

No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future.

This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. And it is not an easy thing to do.

You Will Have To Be Away From Home

If your spouse is going to be going Active duty military, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from.

However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world, or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.

The Kid Thing

Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth, and the 1st year.

They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that?

Here is a secret. You might think you can’t handle that, but…you might be surprised what you can do when you love a member of the military.

I thought I couldn’t do that part of military life, not at first. In the end, I have been able to get through it, and at some points, it was even harder than I thought. But in the end, I just do what I have to do.

Some military couples don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. But that also depends on how long they want to stay in and when the couple wants to start their family.

Solo parenting is quite challenging, but you will find that you are not alone when you have to do it. So many military spouses will be solo parenting with you, which makes things a bit easier.

The “D” Word

Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy off and on for years.

There is no way to sugar coat a deployment. They are rough, from the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments, there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time.

The Community

I have talked about the difficult parts of military life. The parts that make it hard to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life?

As hard as this life gets, you won’t be alone in going through your challenges. There is an amazing military community out there. Many other spouses have gone through what you are going through.

Other military spouses get this life and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing, and even retirement.

Is It Worth It?

Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that.

Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t.

I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, and that walking away from them is not an option, you can find ways to make it as a military spouse.

So many of us are doing it right now, taking military life one day at a time. And we are here to support you in your own military spouse journey.

What are you most worried about when it comes to committing to military life?

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

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So your spouse is thinking of joining the military?

When I married my husband, the Army was a part of his past. He had served in the military when he was younger, and that was before my time. He had stories and photos, and that was about it. We were married as civilians and started our life together.

But the funny thing about life is you never know where you might end up. You never know where the road might take you. And even though I married my husband not thinking about being a military spouse, a few years later, that’s exactly what I became.

After being married for over three years, my husband re-joined the Army, and we became a military family. Everything seemed to change when that happened. Everything about our future, our children and future children, and how our life would play out changed.

Now, some military spouses marry their service member after they have already joined the military. Some get married right when they joined. But there are many of us who were with their service member before they decided to join.

You may be in a place where your spouse or partner is thinking about joining the military. And this is making you a bit nervous. They want to join the military but you are not totally sure. The military is a whole new world and you could be having a few reservations about the decision to join.

This is totally normal. Joining the military can lead to some major changes in your life. When your spouse signs up for the military, you might have to move far away, you might have to find a new job, and your life might feel like it has been turned upside down.

The truth is, if you are already together before the military, you both need to be a part of the decision to join. You need to have discussions about what joining will mean, and how life might have to change. Because, yes, life is going to change.

Here are a few things you can do if your spouse has decided they want to join the military or if they are starting to ask questions about the process:

Ask your questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You might have some fears or worries about what military life will be like, and it is best to seek out answers. The more you know about what you are getting into, the better.

Have some serious discussions about what your spouse has in mind when they join the military. Will this be a big career change or something they want to try for a few years? Sometimes, they might not even know but feel they need to at least try it to find out.

Remember, everyone’s military life looks different

Before my husband joined the military, I thought I had an idea of what our years as a military family would look like. But I never could have predicted the reality.

You can talk to other military spouses about their experiences to get an idea of what to expect, but keep in mind that your reality might be different. Even the amount of times your spouse will be deployed during a given amount of time can be all over the place based on what is going on in the world, your spouse’s job in the military, and where they are stationed.

You are stronger than you think

One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a military spouse of almost 16 years is that I am much stronger than I think I am. When this whole journey started, I didn’t think I could ever be a solo parent. I found the idea impossible.

But I realized quickly that what once has seemed impossible was actually possible. Is it always easy? No, solo parenting is very challenging and some days, it does feel impossible. But us military spouses get through those times. We have to.

So while you might fear that you are not capable of this, you might actually be able to get through the challenging parts of military life. We rarely feel we can conquer the mountains of military life, but we do.

Plan to make friends

If your spouse does go on to join the military, plan to make friends. You will need them. These other spouses who get how a deployment might go, or what moving every three years is really like.

As you join the military community you will be able to find mentors and other seasoned spouses who have been there. You will be able to connect with others and find your own “battle buddies.” You will make memories with these other military spouses, and they will become the best part of your military life.

Take it all day by day

In many parts of military life, you will have to take things day by day. This starts from day one when they leave for basic training.

There is so much to this life, and so many changes, that each day can be different from the next.

Try not to sweat all the small things, and look forward to the future. There are so many amazing parts to being a military spouse. Military life is truly the good mixed with the bad.

If your spouse wants to join the military, take this request seriously. Talk things over, and see if this is something you can support your spouse on.

Each family is different, and joining the military might not be the best choice for every family. But if you and your spouse decide that joining is the right choice, know you have a big community of other military spouses out there to help you through. You got this!

10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

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10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

On November 8th, 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the US Army. This was a huge change for us and our family. My husband had been in the Army when he was a lot younger, years before I met him. He had gotten out, returned home and we met a few years after that. We got married and had our first child and it wasn’t until we had been married about 3 years that we started talking about him going back into the Army.

18 years have passed since that day and I now consider myself a seasoned spouse. We have been overseas, been through 4 deployments, multiple trainings and have experienced both Active duty and National Guard life. Over the last 18 years, I have learned so much about military life. I didn’t realize how clueless I was until he joined and learned about these truths the hard way. I assumed some things I shouldn’t have. I have grown as a person since then and the last 18 years have made me who I am.

Here are 10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True:

1. Just Because You Are Told Something, It Doesn’t Mean It Will Happen That Way- There have been so many times in the last 18 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

2. Military Life Isn’t Fair- It wasn’t that I thought everything in military life was going to be fair, but it is a hard reality to realize much of this life isn’t fair or equal at all. Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations and it will seem others do. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get the good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

3. Not All Military Housing Is Created Equal- When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got the house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

4. Making Friends Isn’t Always Easy- As much as you want to find your tribe and your people, sometimes that will take longer than you want it to. Making friends depending on a lot of factors. From putting yourself out there to who is at your duty station. Don’t lose hope if you haven’t made friends at your new duty station yet, it might just take you a bit longer this time.

5. You Will Grow Without Your Spouse- During military life you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a year deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

6. Your Parenting Will Look A Little Different- Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

7. You Will Surprise Yourself- During the last 118years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

8. When Military Life Is Over, You Might Not Want To Leave- As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

9. The “Worst” Duty Station Might Be Your Favorite- There are a few duty stations out there that are talked about as the worst. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place. Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

10. Just When You Are Comfortable, Life Will Change- I was sitting at a friend’s house with about four or five friends. The kids were all playing nicely and we were having a good conversation. In the back of my head, I thought, “This won’t last forever.” And that was true. Within 3 years, everyone in that room has moved somewhere else. This is the reality of military life. People are always moving, either you or them. Commands change, deployments come and go. Just when you get comfortable, things change.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article,I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it wasn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, andADHDand she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for usmilspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that.

So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can, and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses who feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Somemilitary spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses haveADHDand more. Some spouses feel that coping without their spouse is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our spouses. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as asolo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We givebirth without our husbands, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hands and a toddler at our legs. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I havelearnedhow to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being asolo parentwhile he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do.

When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone. Even though being a solo parent has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone who has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us. But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not who feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your spouse of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you.

Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends.Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it, and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?

To the Military Spouse That Can’t Do Military Life Anymore

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To the Military Spouse That Can't Do Military Life Anymore

He was gone again. I couldn’t believe it. I had just dropped my husband off for his 4th deployment. Another deployment, but this time, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through.

Sure, I had done this before. And really, this deployment was only supposed to be six months long, that is less than half of how long some of our deployments had been. Why was I falling apart this time?

I took my then 8, 6 and 2-year-old boys home after saying goodbye. I got them interested in something and then sat on my bed. How was I going to do this? How was I going to get through?

That deployment broke me. Even before it started. My anxiety went through the roof. I wasn’t sure how we would get from where I was at the moment to homecoming.

I ended up getting some extra help, which was needed. I was able to take that deployment one day at a time. And then, right before Christmas, my husband came home, and the deployment was over.

But I will never forget those six months. I will never forget how hard some of the nights were. I will never forget how broken I felt.

During that deployment, I started to feel like I was not strong enough to be a military spouse. I would look at my friends and other spouses, and I saw strength. A strength I didn’t think I had.

At times I wanted to tell my husband that I was sorry, that I couldn’t do it anymore. That we had given up too much and that I was done.

I was done with deployments, I was done being the only parent in the house when my kids needed two, I was done with goodbyes, I was done with the hurt, I was done with the pain of being away from my husband.

I hit a wall, and I didn’t want to do military life anymore. I felt like I didn’t have it in me. I felt like everything was too much.

So to the military spouse who can’t do military life anymore, I get it. I have been there, and this is what I can tell you.

Some parts of military life as so frustratingly hard that it will feel like you can’t make it through, but you can.

There will be days you will have to ask for help, even if you don’t want to. The help might be asking a friend to watch your kids so you can get your grocery shopping done. The help might be asking your doctor if you should start to see a counselor. The help might be asking your MOPS friends to pray extra hard for you as you are going through something tough at the moment.

Some parts of military life as exciting. That post-deployment block leave where you get to spend weeks together? I love it. Moving to Hawaii or Germany, or even back to your hometown? Exciting. Making a new friend when you walk into an FRG meeting, a friend who will always now be a part of your life, that’s the best.

There will be times during your life as a military spouse that you will want to throw in the towel. That you will spend hours online looking at houses in your hometown because there is no way your husband can continue to do this. You will think that once that ETS day comes, everything will be better.

But then you watch your spouse see how much he loves being a soldier.

How that it is in his blood. How his dream of joining the military has come true. That finally, after five years of marriage, she has found a career she loves, and you know you have to stand by her.

You see, not everyone is in the military for 20+ years. For some, military life is merely a season. For others, it is a lifetime commitment. You and your spouse will need to talk about what the plan is. You will need to share your worries and struggles.

But military spouse, know this, if the person you married feels they need to be in the military, you will be able to handle whatever comes your way.

I know it might not always seem like it. I know that some days will be a lot harder than others. But trust me, you will be able to do what you need to do.

We get frustrated when people tell us “I could never do it” when it comes to military life, but the truth is, we do it because we love and support our spouse. We do it because we love our country and want the best for it.

We do it because we know that we are meant to be with this person, and this person is meant to be in the military.

So to the military spouse who can’t do military life anymore, know that you genuinely can. Maybe for you, military life will be over in a few years. Maybe military life will be over when you are in your 50s. Either way, you can do this.

Take this military life one day at a time, one hour if you need to. Look for military spouse support, at your duty station, through your friends, and online. Find a way to make it through because you have to, because you want to, because it is how you will figure out how to make being a military spouse work.

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t do military life anymore? What did you do to break out of feeling that way?

15 Quotes to Get You Through Difficult Times

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15 Quotes to Get You Through Difficult Times

Deployments, PCSing, missing friends, missing loved ones, feeling homesick, and dealing with the day to day life can be a bit much some times. We are all only human after all. I love that reading other people’s words can help us through difficult times, at least in some small way.

Wise words from others who have been through difficult times. Wise words from others who get it. Wise words that we can take with us in the future, through other difficult times.

Here are 15 of them that might just help you through whatever it is you are dealing with, whether it is trying to homeschool your children when you never signed up for that, or waiting for an extended deployment to be over.

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’

“I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.” – Dr. Seuss

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin to Pooh, A.A. Milne

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”- Dale Carnegie

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”- Haruki Murakami

“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path, and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” – Author Unknown

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”- Vivian Greene

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“We are all dealing with a challenge of some kind. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”- Karen Salmansohn

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

“Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” –Maya Angelou

What are your favorite quotes for going through difficult times???

When Military Life Isn’t Fair

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When Military Life Isn't Fair

Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t.

One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military lifemight be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation. Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of what needs to get done.

We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to, and figuring out what the was problem took some time.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. How often they deploy depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule. Or in military life in general. That is just the way it tends to work.

Through the years I have learned that sometimes you just have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change a lot and you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening and what I need to do to prepare. Military life makes this hard sometimes. Often times you get little notice for something.

Some military families only get a short notice before they have to move. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways. The whiplash is hard to take. And can happen over and over again.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but over the years, as I became a more seasoned military spouse, I started to understand the realities of military life.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that military life is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best you can. Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.

Military life isn’t far, even if you think that it should be. Military life is filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, good times, and bad. You just have to work to find a way to make this life work for you, even if that means taking all the struggles one day at a time.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

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It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

When you first became a military spouse, you may have wondered how in the world you were going to one, figure everything out, and two, get through everything you would have to get through. You might look to other more seasoned military spouses and wondered what their journeys might have been like and if they can all relate to what you are going through.

The truth is, while we might all have our own military paths, we military spouses can relate to one another. We have been through hard things. We have had to figure out how to become more independent than we may have ever thought we would have to be. We had to get creative sometimes and figure out ways to make it through.

If you are a new military spouse, or maybe going through something new during military life that scares you, know that it’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person that I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the kids, of comforting sad children that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have been through the situations that come with military life and although going through them made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and what I personally have to work on are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down.

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict.

Because life as a military spouse can be filled with so many twists and turns, ones that you might never have thought about before.

So if you are a military spouse feeling alone, like you are not the only one. You are not.

If you feel like your emotions are all over the place…know that so many of us have been through that too.

If you feel like you aren’t cut out for this life, know that so many of us have felt that too, wondering how all of it will play out.

If you feel like you are hanging on the edge, reach out for help, to other military spouses, organizations, or counselors.

As military spouses, we are asked to sacrifice so much, and that is never going to be easy. As military spouses, we might feel like we are never going to catch a break. As military spouses might feel defeated when we just want to feel strong.

But as a military spouse, something we don’t have to feel is alone.

We are a community, and we can work together to get through the hard stuff and celebrate the good stuff.

We are a community and can help one another out, either at our same duty station, or 1,000 miles away.

We are a community, and each of us loves the service member we decided to spend our lives with, even if it means that hardships will follow.

We take the good and the bad, and figure out how to make this life work.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there. And so have so many others that have come before. Remember this, and you will never have to walk the military spouse road alone.