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Life as a Military spouse

9 Times You Just Have to Laugh During Military Life

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9 Times You Just Have to Laugh During Military Life

When faced with a difficult situation, sometimes the only thing to do is laugh. Sometimes during military life, you will feel like what you are going through is so ridiculous, that you can’t even get upset. Plus, laughter really is the best medicine.

Here are 9 times you just have to laugh during military life:

1. When your spouse gets orders to a place you said you never wanted to go.

If you have ever said, “I just don’t ever want to be stationed X,” and then the military gives your spouse orders for X, you just kinda have to laugh. And maybe not say that again in the future. They are listening.

2. When you make friends in the strangest places

You are probably assuming you are going to go out there and make friends through your kid’s soccer team, or even the FRG meeting. But sometimes, we make friends in the strangest ways. From connecting with another spouse who has also been waiting over an hour at the doctor’s office, to someone who is from your home state, who you instantly connect with just because of that.

3. When you accidentally hand the gate guard your credit card

If you haven’t done this before, you probably will eventually. And when you do, hopefully, your gate guard has a sense of humor and makes a funny joke about your mistake. Then you can share with your friends and laugh together.

4. When the homecoming date gets changed so many times, you just give up and hope they are home before your next birthday

It’s so hard when the homecoming date gets changed but at some point, you just have to laugh. Dear military, get things together and bring my spouse home already! Thanks!

5. When people think your life is just like the show Army Wives

No, nope, no, no, no. Just like any show based on any career path, say Grey’s Anatomy, things are pretty much only sorta true sometimes, and usually very wrong. Now you can let the person now how different military really is.

6. When you told someone you could never do a thing and the military makes you do a thing

There are so many times this has happened to me. From PCSing overseas to going through another deployment. At one time I even said that I could never solo parent. Truth is, you can do more than you think you can. That’s how we get through military life.

7. When your friend from Fort Bragg becomes your friend at Fort Campbell

This is a fun experience to laugh about. Sometimes you might make a friend at one duty station, and then surprise, five years later, they can be your friends at another. In some ways, your service member’s branch isn’t as big as you think it is and you can be reunited with people you really love. Thank you Military!

8. When people ask when you will be able to visit home again

Hahahaha…if only they knew how hard that was. Between deployments, a PCS, and the cost of airfare, it’s hard to know if and when you can visit. Plans always seem to change and nothing is certain until after the fact. Maybe it is better if your family comes and visits you?

9. When things work out the way they are supposed to

One time, my husband’s R&R was changed, and I had to cancel a trip to Walt Disney World. On the other hand, that meant his R&R was over our anniversary and we were able to plan an amazing anniversary trip. I couldn’t believe how it worked out. You almost have to laugh that everything worked out the way it did. Although I am still waiting to go to Walt Disney World, so…

I hate being stressed out all the time. And yet, that is my natural reaction to a lot of what happens in the military life. That is why I think it is important to laugh when you can. Laugh at the little things, laugh at the big things, and work towards a more balanced life.

What makes you laugh about military life???

Why You Don’t Have to Buy Bottles For Your Breast Pump

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The Breastfeeding Shop

This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop. 

Why You Don’t Have to Buy Bottles For Your Breast Pump

If you don’t know already, TRICARE has an amazing benefit for pregnant or new moms. You can receive one breast pump for every birth event from TRICARE through a company like The Breastfeeding Shop. They will help you receive your pump through their website.

In addition to a breast pump, you can also receive free breast pump supplies which includes bottles. This means, you don’t have to buy any on your own, you can get them with your benefit. When you are using a breast pump, a good bottle is a must. You will need to them to be able to feed your baby. While some breast pumps use bags, others you can connect the bottles right to the machines for easier feeding.

Here are a few things to know about receiving bottles and other breast pump accessories from the Breastfeeding Shop:

  • You can only receive the additional accessories after the birth event.
  • If you have already received your initial pump and accessories and your baby has been born, you must wait 60 days to reorder.
  • Your bottles will come with an accessory kit.
  • Your accessory kit will depend on the brand of your breast pump. For those with Medela, Ameda, and Spectra pumps, you will receive specific accessory kits for those brands. All other pumps will receive the same type of kit.
  • You can order breast milk storage bags and flanges separately.
  • The Breastfeeding Shop has an easy TRICARE accessory kit order form you can fill out online.
  • If you don’t want to order online, you can also order over the phone by calling them at 866-255-6779.

If you are curious about how to receive your pump in the first place or are looking for more information about this benefit and The Breastfeeding Shop, check out these posts to help:

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

Can You Really Get A No Cost Breast Pump For Each Baby Through TRICARE?

How to Decide What Breast Pump is The Best One For You And Your Baby

If you have any questions about how to receive your pump, make sure to contact The Breastfeeding Shop. They can help you with the paperwork and everything you need to do in order to receive your benefit.

Have you received a no cost breast pump with your TRICARE benefit? What brand did you go with?

 

Life As A Military Spouse In 17 Memes

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Life As A Military Spouse In 17 MemesLife As a Military Spouse In 17 Memes

Life as a military spouse can be quite the journey. Through deployments, pcsing places you want and don’t want to go, and finding lifelong friends you couldn’t live without. Here is your life as a military spouse in 17 memes.

Life As A Military Spouse

So true. Sometimes military life sucks, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like being a part of the military community. Make the best of what you have, work hard to get through the difficult days, and make friends with other spouses to help you through.

 

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes! That time apart, it will make you stronger, which is a good thing.
While deployments are difficult, you can change for the better as you go through them.

Life As A Military Spouse

Deployment and its phases. Make your way through them until you get to #5, homecoming day.

Journals are the best. Journaling during a deployment can be quite therapeutic.

Life As A Military Spouse

If you hate where you live, try something new.
Changing things around might just help get you into a better place emotionally!

Life As A Military Spouse

Will we ever get rid of all of those things? Probably not.

Life As A Military Spouse

So true. Use that time to figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are during time apart. Then you will be better equipped when they do deploy.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes! Military spouses do need to be aware of money, how to pay bills, and all of that. It is so important.

Life As A Military Spouse

Oh, the 4-day weekend. Those are the best!

Life As A Military Spouse

A handwritten letter is fantastic! Whether you are the one writing one or receiving one.

Life As A Military Spouse

Make sure to always be working on your marriage, even when they are gone.

You can use this for anything. Do what you can, then try to stop worrying about it.
Tomorrow could be a much better day.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes! We are all of those things, or at least we try to be.

Life As A Military Spouse

Oh that Commissary on payday! Stay away, stay far away.

Life As A Military Spouse

We military spouses, we do what we have to do. Even if we didn’t think we could.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes, it is. Use your PCS to discover something new about yourself, and create new memories in your new home.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yep, exactly. Sometimes the water will be calm, sometimes you will have to battle the waves.

Being a military spouse isn’t always easy. This life is complicated. But we spouses do what we have to do to get through. And from everything, we become stronger and can grow as a person.

How long have you been a military spouse?

To the Military Spouse That Can’t Do Military Life Anymore

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To the Military Spouse That Can't Do Military Life Anymore

He was gone again. I couldn’t believe it. I had just dropped my husband off for his 4th deployment. Another deployment, but this time, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through.

Sure, I had done this before. And really, this deployment was only supposed to be six months long, that is less than half of how long some of our deployments had been. Why was I falling apart this time?

I took my then 8, 6 and 2-year-old boys home after saying goodbye. I got them interested in something and then sat on my bed. How was I going to do this? How was I going to get through?

That deployment broke me. Even before it started. My anxiety went through the roof. I wasn’t sure how we would get from where I was at the moment to homecoming. 

I ended up getting some extra help, which was needed. I was able to take that deployment one day at a time. And then, right before Christmas, my husband came home, and the deployment was over.

But I will never forget those six months. I will never forget how hard some of the nights were. I will never forget how broken I felt.

During that deployment, I started to feel like I was not strong enough to be a military spouse. I would look at my friends and other spouses, and I saw strength. A strength I didn’t think I had.

At times I wanted to tell my husband that I was sorry, that I couldn’t do it anymore. That we had given up too much and that I was done. 

I was done with deployments, I was done being the only parent in the house when my kids needed two, I was done with goodbyes, I was done with the hurt, I was done with the pain of being away from my husband.

I hit a wall, and I didn’t want to do military life anymore. I felt like I didn’t have it in me. I felt like everything was too much.

So to the military spouse who can’t do military life anymore, I get it. I have been there, and this is what I can tell you.

Some parts of military life as so frustratingly hard that it will feel like you can’t make it through, but you can.

There will be days you will have to ask for help, even if you don’t want to. The help might be asking a friend to watch your kids so you can get your grocery shopping done. The help might be asking your doctor if you should start to see a counselor. The help might be asking your MOPS friends to pray extra hard for you as you are going through something tough at the moment.

Some parts of military life as exciting. That post-deployment block leave where you get to spend weeks together? I love it. Moving to Hawaii or Germany, or even back to your hometown? Exciting. Making a new friend when you walk into an FRG meeting, a friend who will always now be a part of your life, that’s the best.

There will be times during your life as a military spouse that you will want to throw in the towel. That you will spend hours online looking at houses in your hometown because there is no way your husband can continue to do this. You will think that once that ETS day comes, everything will be better.

But then you watch your spouse see how much he loves being a soldier.

How that it is in his blood. How his dream of joining the military has come true. That finally, after five years of marriage, she has found a career she loves, and you know you have to stand by her.

You see, not everyone is in the military for 20+ years. For some, military life is merely a season. For others, it is a lifetime commitment. You and your spouse will need to talk about what the plan is. You will need to share your worries and struggles.

But military spouse, know this, if the person you married feels they need to be in the military, you will be able to handle whatever comes your way.

I know it might not always seem like it. I know that some days will be a lot harder than others. But trust me, you will be able to do what you need to do.

We get frustrated when people tell us “I could never do it” when it comes to military life, but the truth is, we do it because we love and support our spouse. We do it because we love our country and want the best for it.

We do it because we know that we are meant to be with this person, and this person is meant to be in the military. 

So to the military spouse who can’t do military life anymore, know that you genuinely can. Maybe for you, military life will be over in a few years. Maybe military life will be over when you are in your 50s. Either way, you can do this.

Take this military life one day at a time, one hour if you need to. Look for military spouse support, at your duty station, through your friends, and online. Find a way to make it through because you have to, because you want to, because it is how you will figure out how to make being a military spouse work.

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t do military life anymore? What did you do to break out of feeling that way? 

To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community

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Military Spouse

To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community

Almost three years ago, my husband ended his time in the active duty army and joined the National Guard. In some ways, this was a big change for us. Leaving active duty is a challenge and one that we have had to work through. He no longer wore the uniform on a daily basis, we started paying for Tricare, and PCSing was no longer an option for us.

However, since we decided to stay in the Fort Campbell area, we still live in a military community. Most of my friends are married to someone in the Army, we can shop at the commissary as often as we want to, and I know when my husband deploys again, I will have that local support.

Milspouse

I am very aware that this is not the norm for a National Guard family. 

I know that for some, there is no local military community. Maybe they know a few of the spouses, maybe not. Maybe they have some family that has served, maybe not. Being a part of a military community can be an enjoyable experience, but that isn’t always the case for every military spouse.

Being far removed from the military community can feel like you are walking this road alone, but you are not.

There might not be anyone in your town that you can relate to, but there are plenty of other spouses out there in our country that totally understand.

Whatever challenges you have had to face, whatever frustrations you are having, and however hard a deployment seems, there are others who have been through it too.

Milspouse

So what can you do when you don’t have access to a local military community?

Look for other military spouses

The truth is, there are other military spouses in your area, you just don’t know who they are. If your spouse’s unit happens to have an FRG, find out when they meet. If you are not sure, start asking around. If you feel you are up to it, ask if you can volunteer.

Check with your local churches and mom groups. See if anyone has any military ties. You never know who is connected with the military or who knows someone who is that can put you in touch. If you live in a bigger city, it’s even possible that there are some military support groups there.

No, you don’t have a local base to go to, but you might be able to find other military spouses you never knew were there.

Go online

When you don’t live in a military community, online is going to be your best friend. There are so many groups on Facebook to search through. There is a National Guard group, a group I started for military spouse support and plenty of other military spouse groups to get connected with.

Sometimes online friends can become your best friends. Through group discussions, private messages, and sharing our struggles, we can connect with each other and find our people. Someday, we can even meet up if life allows us to.

Although you might struggle to find the military spouse community in your local area, the military spouse community is very much active and alive online.

Milspouse

Find good friends

Sometimes our civilian friends can be our biggest cheerleaders. Maybe they don’t quite understand what we are going through, but that is okay. There are other spouses that might be able to relate to a husband being away and not always being able to be there for us.

Not everyone will understand, and some people will make stupid comments. That part of connecting with people can get old and is very frustrating. But see if you can look beyond that.

Some people mean well and are not trying to make you upset. Others can be your rock through your most difficult times, even if their spouse has never served.

Get involved in your community. Reach out and connect with others. The benefits of doing so will be worth it. There are plenty of people out there that love and support the military and want to help when they can. Let them.

Whether you are a National Guard or Reserve spouse or don’t live in a military community, know that you can find support even if it is just online. That others are going through what you are and that there is beauty in finding good friends. 

 

 

How You Know You Are a Military Spouse

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How you know you are a military spouse

How You Know You Are a Military Spouse

Here is how you know you are a military spouse…

When you have no idea when you will see your spouse again, it could be May; it could be September, who knows?

When you have no idea what your spouse’s co-worker’s first names are.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you are up for any adventure, even though it scares you to death.

When you always have two IDs on you, military and your driver’s license.

When your driver’s license is not for the state you live in, and your license plate doesn’t match either.

How you know you are a military spouse

When a two-week training is a fun time to catch up on Vampire Diaries and not a big deal compared to all the other times you have had to be apart.

When you grocery shop plans are based on the 1st and the 15th and if you feel brave enough to go to the commissary on those days.

When you only write dates down in your planner in pencil, because you know they will always change.

When you laugh at the thought of going out to dinner with you friends and putting your phones away. That would never work in your military spouse circles.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you get excited to find out a friend from two duty stations ago is moving to your current installation.

When you can’t bring up the FRG without hearing about how wonderful it can be and how horrible it can be, by different people.

When the “sandbox” has nothing to do with the place your kids play when you are at the park.

When 21:00 or 14:30 is not confusing to you.

When you know that saying goodbye won’t ever get any easier.

When you have curtains that won’t fit on any of your windows, but you can’t get rid of them because you are moving next summer, and they could work in your new home.

When your future depends on one person signing a piece of paperwork in a timely manner.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you say, “see you later” even if you worry you might not see that person again. Saying, “goodbye” would be harder.

When you have given birth without your husband at least once or have ever had the worry that you might have to do so.

When you love wine, coffee, and diet coke, or at least two of the three.

When your life is very different than you ever thought it would be.

When you have been asked at least once if your life is like they show on Army Wives.

When none of your children have been born in the same state.

When none of your children have been born in the same country.

how you know you are a military spouse

When “war” means so much more than just what you read about in the history books.

When the thought of giving up Facebook makes you cringe since most of your family and friends do not live near you.

When you don’t know what it is like to live near your family.

When you know the difference between MWR, DEERS, and PCS.

When you are super thankful for any military discount a company is willing to give out.

When you realize you are a part of an incredible group of people, who also understand what it is like to miss someone so much, to give up so much, and to be the people who support those that have volunteered to serve our country and keep it safe.

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Month!

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article, I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know, you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it isn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, and ADHD and she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for us milspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that. So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses that feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Some military spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses suffer from ADHD and more. Some spouses feel that coping without their husband is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our husbands. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as a solo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We give birth without our husband, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hand and a toddler at our leg. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I have learned how to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being a solo parent while he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do. When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone, even though being a solo parenting has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone that has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us? But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not that feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your husband of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you. Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends. Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?

10 Truths Military Spouses Learn About Military Life

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10 Truths Military Spouses Learn About Military Life

With the election going on last week I forgot all about November 8th. On November 8th, 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the US Army. This was a huge change for us and our family. My husband had been in the Army when he was a lot younger, years before I met him. He had gotten out, returned home and we met a few years after that. We got married and had our first child and it wasn’t until we had been married about 3 years that we started talking about him going back into the Army.

10 Truths Military Spouses Learn About Military Life

 

11 years have passed since that day and I now consider myself a seasoned spouse. We have been overseas, been through 4 deployments, multiple trainings and have experienced both Active duty and National Guard life. Over the last 11 years, I have learned so much about military life. I didn’t realize how clueless I was until he joined and learned about these truths the hard way. I assumed some things I shouldn’t have. I have grown as a person since then and the last 11 years have made me who I am.

Here are 10 Truths Military Spouses Learn About Military Life

1. Just Because You Are Told Something, It Doesn’t Mean It Will Happen That Way- There have been so many times in the last 11 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

2. Military Life Isn’t Fair- It wasn’t that I thought everything in military life was going to be fair, but it is a hard reality to realize much of this life isn’t fair or equal at all. Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations and it will seem others do. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get the good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

3. Not All Military Housing Is Created Equal- When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got the house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

4. Making Friends Isn’t Always Easy- As much as you want to find your tribe and your people, sometimes that will take longer than you want it to. Making friends depending on a lot of factors. From putting yourself out there to who is at your duty station. Don’t lose hope if you haven’t made friends at your new duty station yet, it might just take you a bit longer this time.

5. You Will Grow Without Your Spouse- During military life you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a year deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

6. Your Parenting Will Look A Little Different- Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

7. You Will Surprise Yourself- During the last 11 years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

8. When Military Life Is Over, You Might Not Want To Leave- As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

9. The “Worst” Duty Station Might Be Your Favorite- There are a few duty stations out there that are talked about as the worst. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place. Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

10. Just When You Are Comfortable, Life Will Change- I was sitting at a friend’s house with about four or five friends. The kids were all playing nicely and we were having a good conversation. In the back of my head, I thought, “This won’t last forever.” And that was true. Within 3 years, everyone in that room has moved somewhere else. This is the reality of military life. People are always moving, either you or them. Commands change, deployments come and go. Just when you get comfortable, things change.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

 

How Do You Know You Are Ready For a Military Marriage?

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How Do You Know You Are Ready For a Military Marriage?

How Do You Know You Are Ready For a Military Marriage?

This weekend I saw an article about a young military spouse titled, “I Gave Up College to Get Married — Now I’m 19 and Divorced” This article was a story about a girl who married her boyfriend instead of going ahead to college, even though that seemed to be her plan. Her husband was stationed in California, middle of nowhere California and the challenges of that mixed with not being able to find work led to a divorce, just a few months later.

I really feel for this woman. I feel for her because it seems she made a mistake. She probably should not have gotten married. 18 is so young. So very young. College is a great idea for most people. If you have to choose between the two, what should you do?

Military life is also very difficult. Even more so when you are first starting out your lives together, when your spouse is not making a lot of money and you just are not sure what you are supposed to be doing while he is off doing his job. Add in a middle of nowhere base and you can find yourself feel pretty lonely. That mixed with feeling like you should have gone to college instead does not make for a happy home.

I know some of my readers are military girlfriends. They haven’t yet married their service member and they could be thinking about if they should. I was never a military girlfriend but before I married my husband I was involved in several long distance relationships. They were hard enough without the military so I can only imagine how difficult it is when you add the military in the mix.

How do you know you are ready for a military marriage?

  • Because you are ready for marriage and all that comes with it. You need to be ready for marriage. Marriage is a big step and changes things. You will no longer be on your own. You will have someone else that you will be a part of. You will need to share your things and your space and everything you have. You have someone else you will be making decisions with and someone else that will be affected but the decisions that you make. 
  • Because you are ready for military life and how difficult this life is going to be. Military life is probably going to be harder than anyone can prepare for. That being said, knowing what to expect can help. Knowing how military life can be difficult is also a good idea.
  • Because you have done everything you wanted to do before you got married. I knew I wanted to finish college before I got married. That was important to me. What is important to you? Do you want to be on your own for a while? Do you want to be at least 25 years old? I know sometimes meeting that special someone can change things but if waiting for something is important to you, try to do that.
  • Because you know that while this life is unique with its own challenges, all marriages take work. No matter who you are, your marriage is going to go through hard times. As a new military spouse, you might be presented with some of these hard times earlier than other spouses do. Knowing this going in will help you get through the more difficult days that are to come.

I know a lot of people who married very young and are still happily married. Some are military couples and some are not. I also know people that married young and did not make it. Some divorced early on, others, years later.

When it comes to marriage and if you should get married young to your military boyfriend, check your heart and your gut. Ask yourself if the military life is one you want to have. Although none of us can truly plan for this life and most of the time the military life is harder than we ever thought, going into a marriage not being open to the life isn’t a good idea.

Divorce happens. To a lot of people. For a lot of different reasons. Hardships in marriage happen and the military might just be yours. If you do decide to marry young and are put in a similar situation that the young wife I talked about above was, know that you can make it through that. There is a lot of military support out there, you can go to college online, you can figure out a way to support your military husband and make it through those difficult years.

Military life might not be for everyone, but if you want your marriage to work, if you are willing to commit yourself to your new marriage, you will be going into this new life with your eyes open. You have a good chance of making your military marriage work and creating a wonderful life with your service member.

 

How Deployments Taught Me About the Importance of Family Time with DAV

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How Deployments Taught Me About the Importance of Family Time with DAV

Military Couple

Deployments

My husband has been home from his last deployment for almost three years now. He deployed 4 times to both Iraq and Afghanistan within 7 years. He left for the first time in 2006, returning at the end of 2007. He then deployed again in 2008, 2011 and 2013. He returned from what might have been his very last deployment in December of 2013.

Over the years since then, we have been able to get back to a more normal life. Although he has worked in civilian jobs where he has been away at times and he has his monthly guard duties, he has not been away for an extended amount of time since 2013. As a wife, I am very happy about this. As a mother, I am glad my boys don’t have to miss their father anymore.

During all our deployments, I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to be more patient, that the little things don’t matter quite as much and that family time is precious.

Family Time is Important

Now that deployments are in my past, I look at our time together as something we sometimes had to go without. Whether we are all just hanging out together at home, going to the park or the movies or out on a day trip, I never want to forget what it was like to not have that.

There were plenty of weekends where I sat in my house alone with little children while I watched friends and even family spend time together. There have been plenty of times I have turned down invitations and not been able to go places because it was too difficult to do as the only parent. My husband has missed anniversaries and all the other holidays at one point or another.

These days, I try to plan for our family to do something together every weekend. We take advantage of what our community has to offer and enjoy going to parks and sometimes out to see a new movie. We took a lot of pool trips together this summer. We haven’t been able to travel too much lately but I’m hoping for a trip in the future that we can take together.

When you are able to spend that family time together on a regular basis, you are able to create memories with your children in a different way than when one of their parents is gone.

After four deployments, I am always aware of how special family time can be. I hope that I will never take advantage of being able to have my husband home with us on a regular basis. When he isn’t home, the days are just not the same. Deployments can be hard on a military spouse but I have learned that they can also help you become a better person with a different perspective on life.

DAV Victories for Veterans

America’s veterans achieve personal victories overcoming challenges great and small each and every day! DAV (Disabled American Veterans) is a nonprofit organization that is on a mission to help veterans succeed after military service and get the benefits they were promised.

Here is a little bit about what DAV is doing:

  • Each year, DAV helps veterans file more than 300,000 claims for VA benefits and stays with them through every step of the process.
  • DAV volunteers provide more than 700,000 rides each year to help veterans get to and from medical appointments at no cost to the veteran.
  • With nearly 1.3 million members, DAV’s powerful voice ensures that veterans are heard at the local, state and Federal level.
  • With nearly 1,300 chapters, DAV provides a national network of local support for veterans and their families.

Each year, they help more than one million veterans of all generations in life-changing ways. You can visit their website to learn more.

DAV (Disabled American Veterans) is a non-profit organization that is on a mission to help America’s veterans achieve more victories. To learn more about DAV, visit dav.org.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of DAV. The opinions and text are all mine. While I am proud to support DAV and their mission, I have not been a beneficiary of DAV services.