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Military Family

A Fight Against Sexual Assault On Military Children 

October 25, 2021 by Guest Writer Leave a Comment

A Fight Against Sexual Assault On Military Children 

By: Jusika Martinez | Website | Twitter | Facebook

Many great leaders say, “leave a community better than you found it’. But what does that really mean? Does it mean unchanged big ways? I’ve learned over my journey as a military spouse that unless you make big waves, changes don’t actually happen; this is across all of the branches and within all of our communities. 

This article to you as a fellow spouse is me making an intentional wave. In hopes of making sure our communities are a little more educated and a little more aware. Aware and educated about what? Well, that some military families face crises inside our community sometimes due to other military members or their families’ actions. 

Before I tell you about how I became educated in all of the rules, regulations, and oversight, I want to take you back to 2018. I was the volunteer President for our Enlisted Spouses Club. I was intertwined with many of the First Sergeants at the Air Force base we were stationed at. I helped these First Sergeants operate moments of kindness for their squadrons and prepare for seven separate memorial receptions for the 7 Airman we lost in 10 months.

My favorite part of it all was that I helped them connect to spouses within their squadron and around the base. I was also a Master Resilience Trainer creating the spouse initiative at our base. I worked remotely as a Digital Marketing Manager and freelanced for local churches in our community. 

During 2018 I became weary of the isolation that remote life can create; I felt like I never left my house… just zoom call after zoom call. In August of 2018, I decided that I would find a job outside of my remote position. This meant that our then 2-year-old daughter would need full-time daycare.

Due to my daughter’s age, I had been able to balance working, volunteering with part-time care, and my active duty spouse’s help. I knew that finding a job would take some time because that local area was not keen on hiring military spouses due to the length of time spouses typically were stationed there with their active-duty members. Thankfully by November, I found a position as a graphic designer at a cause marketing agency. I was excited to be there and to start this chapter. 

To follow the rules and the regulations of our military installation where I lived, I enrolled our child in a Family Childcare Home; commonly known as an FCC Home. It wasn’t the Family Childcare Home that I wanted, but the other person’s license and background check were delayed for some reason, but since it was regulated by the Air Force I thought that I could trust for care, even if it wasn’t the one I preferred.

In mid-December, while at work getting ready to pitch a marketing campaign, I received photographs taken by a third party through the FCC provider’s Facebook messenger. When I saw these photos, my stomach sank. My child was re-dressed in brand new clothing that I was unaware of, hair was redone, and she was posing with the FCC provider in her pajamas.

I took a deep breath, and I texted my spouse and showed him what I got, and he said: “no, that feeling and concern is right.” We then removed our daughter from this FCC provider and kept our daughter home to monitor her. After two weeks of watching and trying to decipher all of the signs of dysregulation, screaming, violence, needing significant reassurance, and inappropriate sexual behavior meant. We called our civilian pediatrician, who then recommended taking her to the local emergency room. 

Once upon arriving at the E.R., the nurses listened, and then the local sexual assault victims advocate and police came. I repeated our concerns and where they stemmed from, the things we’re seeing, and then a medical examination happened. A few hours after arrival, we left with discharge paperwork, victim resources, and a police report number.

Since it was late, I did not read the paperwork. I just carried my kid in my arms out to my car out past the women’s ward where we brought her into the world almost three years prior. Wondering what the purpose of this visit was because it didn’t really seem to do anything except to give me the paperwork.

Why did I tell them my concerns? Why did I let them into the nightmare we had been watching and living in just to get some paperwork? Where was the immediate help in stopping the games that she was playing or the things she was doing to herself? The next day, I stopped and read the papers we were given — sexual assault by bodily force by caregiver.  

Those words changed everything.  

Had I known what we were going to walk through the next 24 months, I would have said “no way.” I then googled signs of sexual assault on young children. Check, check, check, check, check — how did I brush some of these off as fixable or adjustment? And wait, this doesn’t happen in our military community. Not only did our case get reported to the local police, but it was also shared with the military investigative agency because of the interagency agreement. 

This is where I have to pause with just sharing what we lived because we went through a lot after our young daughter’s case was reported and it was a lot for any family to endure while dealing with such trauma. From harassment to intimidation to downright not being believed. And I was desperate to get help for our daughter and her experience.

After I was laid off a few weeks later for not being able to be at work due to trying to find our child services, I took to social media, and I received a call on my personal cell phone from the then Command Chief citing my social media post was “unsubstantiated.” Which made zero sense because we had the medical evidence and my child’s inappropriate sexual actions and the traumatic games she would play. Once I laid everything out, I was told I would get a call back. One week later, this Command Chief retired, and I never heard from Senior Leadership again. 

This is where I now have to make a wave and educate you on some of the rules and regulations that I have uncovered in the last 24 months through an Inspector General complaint and multiple conversations with those above that installation leadership. Some of these educational moments were brought to us by our daughter’s Special Victim’s Council, and some were discovered after talking to other command chiefs after we left the base we were stationed at. 

Throughout all of this, the word unsubstantiated stuck with me. How could we have the medical paperwork that we did, and it be unsubstantiated? 

At the time we were told that for the investigative agency to open a case, they needed three things… a victim’s statement, photographs or video of it happening, and a medical examination. Since we did not know better at that time or have these three things, a case was not opened, which meant no one was investigated or charged. At that time we were just left to pick up the pieces of our child and our lives that had shattered because of what happened and the issues she was continuing to experience. 

After some investigation, we found out the following items: 

  1. The victim’s statement was not taken due to our child’s age which at the time was 3 years old. The investigative agency declined to interview her because of her age. We were told that the military investigative agency does not interview children under the age of 3, and in our case, their notes show that they did not contact a headquarters subject matter expert on conducting an interview on children. 
  2. The photographs or video that the investigative agency told us they needed to open a case was false information. 
  3. The investigative agency and special agents were not educated on how to handle child sex crimes and the notes that were taken do not describe the actual items that our child was going through. 
  4. The medical examination was not believed by the investigative agency and since the local police went off the investigation that the military investigative agency did the local police found no reason to pursue an investigation due to lack of being a violent crime. 
  5. The investigative agency acted out of standard operating procedures by discussing our case with military family agencies that were not involved nor would ever be involved in handling our child’s case which lead to disinvites for speaking requests from those family agencies for me.
  6. The investigative agency acted out of standard operating procedure when they told the Family Advocacy Program to stand down. 

We have since asked that a curriculum on child sex crimes be built for the military investigative agency so that when they handle such crimes, they are equipped to handle them. 

We also learned that our child’s case was not entered into the Family Advocacy System of Record and it was not reviewed by the Clinical Case Staff Meeting meaning a Central Registry Board (CRB) was not opened. And separately a Family Child Care Panel was not held regarding the sexual assault, only the unconsented photographs. 

So, let’s take a moment to break this down. Since the Family Advocacy Program did not look into a maltreatment case reported to them it was not entered into a system called the Family Advocacy System of Record meaning that the next step of a Clinical Case Staff Meeting did not happen which means a CRB did not hear the case.

What does a CRB do and who sits on the CRB? The CRB is chaired by the vice wing commander, and membership includes the staff judge advocate, security forces, Office of Special Investigations, Family Advocacy officer, command chief master sergeant, and the member’s unit commander. The CRB hears cases of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and neglect. There are strict guidelines and criteria for determining whether or not an allegation meets the Air Force definition for maltreatment. Once information on the case is presented, a show-of-hands vote determines whether or not a non-accidental act was committed, and if so, whether or not there was a significant impact from the act. The findings are entered into a DoD Central Registry database maintained by Brooks City-Base. 

The support of the Family Advocacy Program would have meant that the case would have been heard and our daughter and we would have had the tools to handle the emotional and mental health issues our daughter was experiencing. The opening and hearing of a CRB would have potentially stopped this FCC provider from opening at another base, and it would have unlocked additional base resources for us as parents.

But it didn’t happen, because we were not believed. We eventually collected ourselves enough and got our child into therapy at the local advocacy facility that helps treat children and their families who have experienced childhood sexual abuse through a state-funded victims grant. The interview to get her into therapy itself was a feat; we had to sit through a nearly two-hour interview explaining our family makeup and all that had happened. We basically had to relive what had become our worst nightmare. 

In our journey, we also learned that the Family Childcare Homes are licensed by the military branch they work under, not the local state. What does that mean for us as customers of the FCC homes? Well, when the state oversees daycares, they publicly publish the issues found upon inspections. With the FCC homes, those inspections just sit in a file in a desk on the military installation. As a parent, you will never know the issues this provider has had or were found upon inspection.

In all of this, we also realized that there isn’t a safe way to report sexual assaults on young children. 

In adult cases of sexual assault in the military, there is Restricted Report and Unrestricted. For children, there is not that. There is no organization or form to start a report. 

So as you can imagine you or your child’s privacy isn’t protected and in our case, it led to an extreme mishandling of our daughter’s case. For us, those who were interviewed by the military investigative agency were sharing that we came forward with a false report of sexual assault, and many in positions of authority were sharing our child’s private information about her sexual assault to their personal friends. Many did not and do not understand that no evidence is different than not enough evidence to proceed. Her Special Victims’ Counsel attempted to get this to stop and there be an understanding of this, but the leadership of the people doing it became complacent and continued to allow it to happen, leaving us unprotected. 

Earlier I mentioned our Special Victims Counsel — What is a Special Victim’s Counsel? It is a program developed by the military that is a military attorney who specializes in representing victims of sexual assault, sexual misconduct, stalking, and other similar crimes. Not anyone can get an SVC. You have to go through an application system, and you are not always granted one, but our daughter was. The SVC helped us as the parents of a minor understand the rules and regulations and what we could or couldn’t do. 

They helped my spouse request a humanitarian assignment because, at that time, Active Duty members could not get expedited transfers if their dependent was sexually assaulted. The request in itself was another lesson that we had to learn. 

Due to our daughter’s medical needs, they turned the humanitarian assignment into an EFMP assignment. 

We’ve heard of the medical EFMP issues, right? We had no idea how bad it was until we experienced it after all of the trauma that we went through. The local EFMP allowed us to PCS to another base with two possible therapists for her.

When we got there, we found out that one of the therapists they recommended saw sexual offenders, and the other didn’t exist. We ended up going through and calling 150 therapists in the “surrounding” area to find zero services. And after 5 months of searching, we ended up driving 150 miles weekly for therapy for her.

Thankfully, after ten months of a heated exchange with the local EFMP, they were able to reassign us to another base thanks to the AF & EFMP HQ because there were zero therapy services within the local area and none out of the network that Tricare could enroll. 

Having this type of crisis and trauma and additional EFMP issues was a difficult season of life — it’s not one that we’ve entirely made it out of, but we’re now in a spot where we can find a sliver of clarity to understand what our child and our family has lived these last 24 months. That sliver of clarity is helping us inform you of what we’ve lived through and what the current rules and regulations are.

I know that some will say in the comments, “make a congressional complaint or “go to the Inspector General,” they will fix it. Well, we have. Our congressmen told us they couldn’t investigate this, so to use the Inspector General. At the end of May of 2019, we submitted a 13-page complaint. This complaint was later broken into two cases — one at the local level and one through the military investigative agency.

For the local level one, we waited 19 months for it to conclude; to only be told the provider took unconsented photographs and everything else was done “right”. For the military investigative agency case, we were basically told: “our hands are tied, and everything was done right.” Until I got a call after requesting the FOIA. Then we’re then told that the case notes did not match what was happening in many ways the investigative agency acted outside of the “standard operating procedures.” 

Some will say, “go to a military non-profit that advocates and lobbies for change.” I have, but our situation doesn’t align with their ‘military family issues” or was viewed as “just a west coast issue, not one that is really “rampant” in our military.” 

A fraction of these issues we have lived through are in the 2021 NDAA in section 549B, I know, but it isn’t enough. Because It primarily covers the tracking of these cases. “Tracking it” will only be for the families they (local leadership/FAP/the military investigative agency) deem it for. Like in our case, we had medical evidence, but the military investigative agency said they didn’t have the “items needed” to consider a case to investigate and the Family Advocacy Program stood down. 

And to be honest, the tracking isn’t enough. There needs to be justice and resources for families before we fix the unemployment and underemployment issues because if our kids aren’t safe, then our careers won’t matter.  

As of right now, the military investigative agencies should not be handling child sex crimes. Because not all are not educated or trained in it. Child victims and their families need to be listened to and treated without bias.

There also needs to be a vast understanding of trauma and childhood mental health needs of child victims and what type of medical needs they will have after such trauma. The families should never be blamed or accused of “making the Doctor check the sexual assault box.”

Additionally, there needs to be more regulations on these in-home FCC daycares. Right now, with how the military investigative agencies rules are written with needing video or photographs to open an investigation and these homes not being required to have video, then the military itself is establishing a very viable breeding ground for these cases. They are not offering even a sliver of possible justice, especially when we do not have parents who have been educated on the signs of sexual abuse and assault. 

The bottom line though is if families aren’t believed, then tracking doesn’t matter, especially if there is no consequence for the offender or support that fully understands what trauma does to a child and what the family goes through in these types of painful crises. 

If military leadership and others empathized, lived, or tried to understand the pain that comes with a traumatized child that cannot verbalize their trauma, they would never begin to think that a family would choose this road that comes after such a tragic crisis.

 
Which is why I have founded Operation Addi to help push forward policy and program asks for military children who are victims of sexual assault or abuse. Because our children’s safety and healing matters. You can view the current policy and program asks here.

Filed Under: Military Children Tagged With: military children, Military Family, Military Family Advocacy, military life

16 Ways You Know You Are Raising Children In A Military Family

April 3, 2018 by Julie

16 Ways You Know You Are Raising Children In A Military Family

I had exactly 13 months of raising children before we became a military family. When my husband joined the military in 2005, our oldest son was only a little over a year. All the parenting I have done after that has been within military life and culture, at least to some extent.

16 Ways You Know You Are Raising Children In A Military Family

April is the month of the military child, here are 16 ways to know that you are raising children in a military family:

1. None of your children were born in the same place!

One in California, one in Tennessee, one in Germany, what’s so weird about that?

2. You have photos of your children in actual castles, one that is right down the street.

You still can’t get over that you used to live in a house down the street from a castle. Thank you overseas orders.

3. You have a kid-size pair of ACUs somewhere in your home.

You bought them when your husband first joined, and now all your kids have worn them for Halloween.

4. You can’t totally remember if your senior in high school started kindergarten when you were stationed at Fort Riley or if that happened after you moved to Fort Campbell.

Your memory is a little fuzzy back then, and it could have been either place really.

5. They are the cousins that family back home doesn’t quite know as well as the ones that live right there.

Sadly, this can happen because you just can’t seem to get orders for anywhere close to home.

6. Spending time with extended family is always so special because it doesn’t get to happen as often as you would like.

Yes, yes it is.

16 Ways You Know You Are Raising Children In A Military Family

7. Turning 10 is an exciting day, your kids get their very own ID.

And make sure to always have it with you, in case you need it.

8. Your kids know what it is like to be the new boy or girl in class.

Being the new kid is never easy, but in some cases, they are not the only one living in a military town.

9. They also know what it is like to spend a few years in England and then spend a few years in Hawaii.

Or maybe it is more like a few years in Texas and then a few in Alaska. Military kids get to live in different places, and that can make for a pretty fantastic childhood.

10. Your children know what it means when mom gets a little teary and there seem to be more military bags around the house.

Children figure it out, and they know the signs of an upcoming deployment.

11. You have had to reassure a child that they will see their Dad soon, even though you know soon is in four months.

And part of your worries that they might never come back, but you never share that worry with your kids.

12. You have cursed out a bad internet connection because it is your son’s birthday and they wanted to share it with mom across the miles.

That is the worst; kids don’t always understand that it is the connection that is the problem, and not that their mom or dad doesn’t want to talk with them.

13. You have so many Daddy Dolls around the house that they could start their own preschool.

You get them before every deployment, and even sometimes in between.

16 Ways You Know You Are Raising Children In A Military Family

14. Your children use pencils to do homework with USAA, NavyFed, and MWR on them.

You also get these free at every event or fair you have been to in the last five years. But hey, you never run out of these important homework tools.

15. You had at least one of your children during a deployment and thought you were pretty amazing for doing that without your spouse by your side.

Giving birth without your spouse isn’t easy, but we military spouses know doing so could be apart of the deal.

16. You know this life is difficult sometimes, but you also know there are so many amazing things that your kids will get to experience because of raising kids in a military family.

Some days, being a military family can be so hard, but that doesn’t mean military life is without its benefits. Serving your country means being apart of something important. And when you look back in the years to come, you will see how much your family has gained from being apart of the military community.

Filed Under: Military Children Tagged With: Military Community, Military Family, military kids

10 Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

March 29, 2018 by Julie

10 Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

10 Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

Did you know that April is the month of the military child? A time to reflect on and appreciate our young military “brats” and all they have to deal with. A time to think about how they conquer the battles and disappointments that come with military life. A time to remember all the fun memories you have made with them through the years, simply because one of their parents is a service member.

Here are 10 memes for the military spouse with children. All about raising the next generation through the hurdles of military life:

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

No matter how the deployment goes, watching your kids run into the arms of your spouse at homecoming will melt your heart!

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

PCSing can be stressful for the kids too. Remember that and work through their frustrations. Let them know they can depend on you even if the rest of their world is changing around them.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

What works for one child might not work for another. Figure out what will help your child through a deployment based on what they need and what will work best for them.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

Solo parenting isn’t easy, and it can wear you down. Do what you can to take care of yourself so you can be the best mom or dad you can be for your kids when your spouse is deployed.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

Don’t be afraid to get out there and make memories together. You can then share them with the deployed parent.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

Cereal for dinner, totally okay!

 

Yep, you might not even know what country you will be in.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

Yes! So true! Mine were born in three different places, including two different countries.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

This part of military life sucks. Having to comfort a child that simply doesn’t understand why their mom or dad can’t be there.

 

Memes for the Military Spouse With Children

What else does a military spouse with children want? A free nanny of course! At least for some of the time. Oh well, we can dream, can’t we???

 

 

Filed Under: Military Children Tagged With: children, Military Family, Military spouse memes

Costco Military Hour Event and Kirkland Signature™ Products

March 12, 2018 by Julie

Costco Military Hour Event and Kirkland Signature™ Products

This is a sponsored post! 

Costco is the place to go!

This past weekend we got the chance to shop at our closest Costco in Nashville and brought home quite a few of their Kirkland Signature™ Products. If you don’t know, Kirkland Signature™ is the Costco brand and overall can be a bit cheaper than the name brand options.

Costco Military Hour Event and Kirkland Signature™ Products

We have a family of five, with one teenage boy, one pre-teen, and a seven-year-old. They eat a lot of snacks, so we got some chocolate milk, fruit snacks, walnuts, granola bars, and my favorite, peanut butter filled pretzels. We bought hamburgers, chicken, green beans, cheese, bacon, and of course a big jar of coconut oil. We were able to stock up on some items for the home such as paper towels and toilet paper as well as trash bags and dryer sheets.

We couldn’t leave our dog out of the fun and bought her some doggie bones, which she will “ask” you for every time she comes in from playing outside. We bought some vitamins for us and the boys and of course, coffee, we had to get coffee as well as some of their yummy Kirkland Signature™ cookies.

One of the nice things about Costco is that you can find so many different products there, many of them Kirkland Signature™ Products. From dinner items to breakfast. From snacks for your kids to diapers for your baby.

Ready to go shopping???

Costco Military Hour event

If you haven’t already heard about the upcoming Costco Military Hour Event, here is what you need to know:

The event is on March 24th, 2018 from 8 am to 9:30 am at your local Costco, you can check the list here.

The Costco Military Hour is for you and your family to shop together before the doors open to the general public. You will be able to mix and mingle with your local military community, enjoy free samples, exciting product demos, and delicious snacks. The first 100 attendees will also receive swag bags filled with goodies!

If you are not yet a Costco member, you can sign up here…https://hosted-pages.id.me/costcomilitaryhour‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌

Please visit https://shophourevent.com/ to RSVP to a location near you.‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌

Filed Under: Sponsored Post, Military Life Tagged With: Costco, Military Family, sponsored post

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

February 9, 2018 by Julie

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

In January of 2012, after a few months of testing, our middle son was diagnosed with Autism. At the time he was given the diagnosis of Asperger’s which they have since stopped doing. If he were diagnosed today, he would have gotten the “high-functioning Autism” diagnosis.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With AutismThat day we found out what was going on with our son, and how we could help him. My biggest fear when we started the testing and doctor’s appointments was that they would come back and say they couldn’t see anything was wrong. Why? Because I knew something clearly was and I knew getting that diagnosis would help us understand how we could help our son.

At that time in our lives, we were not a stranger to special needs kids.

Our oldest son had been diagnosed with a developmental delay when he was three. We knew about speech and OT and special needs preschool. We were also pretty confident that our son would grow out of his delay, which he has. Autism is a different story.

You don’t grow out of Autism. Autism is something you have for your entire life. But that doesn’t mean that a person diagnosed with Autism can’t learn and grow as a person either. It simply means that Autism will be something they work through for the rest of their lives.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

We started ABA with our son right away, and that helped us be able to navigate through our son’s behaviors, set him up for school, and allowed us to get that extra help and support we needed to figure out this new normal for our lives.

Right now our son is 11 and will be starting middle school next fall. This completely freaks me out. I am not sure how things are going to go. We have an excellent team at the elementary school, many of them have worked with our son since he was five years old and started kindergarten. We already have a meeting scheduled at the middle school this spring, and I just have to have faith that everything will work out for him.

As I look back on the last six years or so, I can’t help but think about all we have been through.

And while we were working with our son, figuring out what is best for him, working with ABA and the schools, we were living this crazy military life too. My husband deployed again in 2013, and I think part of the reason that deployed shook me so much was that I knew I would be the solo parent carrying for my son, as well as his brothers. At the time, he was struggling a lot with school, and it was hard enough when my husband was home. This is just one of the many challenges a military spouse is going to have when they have a spouse in the military.

So, to the military spouse whose child has just been diagnosed with autism, I know how scared you might be. For months, maybe even years you may have been wondering what is going on with your son or daughter. You may have had to fight for your doctor to even take you seriously. You might feel lost not knowing how to truly help your child.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

And once you receive that diagnosis, you might be worried about how things are going to go in the future.

Everything you thought about parenting a child has been turned on its head. You thought you were getting on a plane to “Italy” and now you are in “Holland” and not sure how to make everything work. This is normal.

Don’t beat yourself up if it takes you or your spouse some time to fully accept the diagnosis. No one walks out of that doctor’s appointment knowing exactly what to do or what the diagnosis even means. That takes some time.

Before your child was diagnosed with autism, you might not have ever heard of the term EFMP (The Exceptional Family Member Program,) but now, that term is going to be a big part of your life when your spouse is in the military. EFMP is the program that is supposed to help your child get the services they need during your time in the military.

EFMP will make sure that you don’t get stationed somewhere without services for children with Autism.

While this can be a bit frustrating at times, especially when it comes to your spouse’s career in the military, EFMP is something you need to keep updated. Any military family who gets orders for an OCONUS location will also have to go through the EFMP screening too.

As you start to become more comfortable with Autism, you will start to notice something. One child with Autism is one child with Autism. It is called the Autism spectrum for a reason. Not everyone with that diagnosis is the same.

While there are traits that kids on the spectrum share, each kid on the spectrum can be different. My son had no issues with speech. While his older brother struggled, that wasn’t one of the things I worried about with him when he was a toddler and young preschooler.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

As you tell people about the diagnosis, you might get some interesting responses.

From people who are trying to help to people who are very uneducated about what having a child on the spectrum means. At some point, you might start to feel like everyone has an opinion about what you should do for your child. But here is the thing, you are the parent, you are the one that decides.

You are the one that has to make the choices. You are the one that lives with your son or daughter and any choice you have to make. So don’t be afraid to ignore lousy advice or to tell people you are doing what you think is best even though it is different from what they would do if they were in your shoes.

Find supportive friends and spend more time with them.

Over the years we have had friends that have opened my son and our family into their lives and understand that he struggles with certain things other kids don’t. During deployments, these friends were even more important. I didn’t have another parent in the house to help; their kindness helped me through those times when I didn’t think I could do it anymore.

As a military spouse, you know that sometimes your service member will have to deploy or be away from you for weeks or months at a time. A diagnosis of Autism isn’t going to keep them home. I know how hard this can be and how overwhelmed you can feel.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

Look for help. Look for respite. Find good child care providers that can help you.

Go to a church that gets it and wants to help instead of one that simply wants to shame your child. Reach out to family members who may be willing to stay with you for a while. Know that reaching out for extra help isn’t a weakness and will be your best bet in getting through all of this.

Know that you are not the only one with a special needs child in the military. There are so many of us out there, and we all want the same thing. We want to help our children, we want the best for them, and we want to figure out how to do all of that within the military system.

Here are some additional resources to help you as you navigate autism within your military world as well as a few military spouse bloggers that also have kids on the Autism spectrum:

Military Special Needs Network

Singing Through the Rain: Military Life & Special Needs

EFMP + Special Needs with the National Military Spouse Family Association

American Military Families Autism Support

Life Journey Through Autism: A Guide for Military Families

Military One Source 

Airing My Laundry

Autism Speaks

Advocating for ABA TRICARE Policy Change

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MilKids Education Consulting 

Do you have a child with autism too?

Filed Under: Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: Autism, Military Family, military spouse, Special needs

Is Pet Health Insurance Right For Your Best Friend?

October 25, 2017 by Julie

Is Pet Health Insurance Right For Your Best Friend?

AFI insurance

Disclosure: This is a sponsored article on behalf of Armed Forces Insurance.

Are you one of the 62% of households in the U.S. who has a pet?

There are so many benefits to having a family pet, especially if you are a military family. Having a dog at home during a deployment may make the spouse and family at home feel more secure. A cat may be the perfect companion for a young family. There is research that animals provide a therapeutic outlet, especially for service members and veterans with PTSD.

Yet as any pet owner knows, there are costs associated with owning a pet. After all, pets may be unpredictable. While it’s hard to anticipate accidents or illness, you can be prepared for them. From routine office visits to significant medical incidents, pet health insurance provides protection for your dog or cat when he or she needs it most.

What does pet health insurance cover?

Every plan may have different coverages depending on what is best for your family. Coverage is available for your cat or dog against accidents and illnesses (except those that are pre-existing) including the following:

  • Breed-specific conditions
  • Cancer treatment
  • Diagnostic testing and imaging
  • Surgery, hospitalization, and nursing care
  • Alternative therapies and rehabilitation
  • Emergency room and specialist care
  • Vet exam fees
  • Prescription Drug Coverage (optional)

Types of pet health insurance

There are three product options for pet health insurance. First, there is an accident-only pet insurance, which may cover lacerations, foreign body ingestion, and poisoning or even vehicle accidents.

Another option is accident and illness coverage. This insurance plan covers medical care due to accidents, like the first coverage option, but it also includes infections, digestive problems and cancer.

The third, and most popular option, is pet health insurance with embedded wellness. This comprehensive plan may cover vaccinations, early screening diagnostics, consultations for proper nutrition and dental care.

Is pet health insurance affordable?

Yes. Pet health insurance policies can be customized to fit any budget without sacrifice in coverage. For example, the policyholder might want 90% reimbursement with an annual $500 deductible, or 80% reimbursement with an annual $200 deductible.

Pets provide a world of comfort, joy and zest in our lives. Give yourself, and your pet, peace of mind that he or she will be protected and your savings intact, should illness or emergency arise.

Sponsored: Deciding to get pet insurance is a personal choice. If you do decide on pet insurance, know that Armed Forces Insurance (AFI) proudly offers this type of insurance. AFI has been in business since 1887 and their purpose is to protect the people who protect our nation.

AFI provides a variety of insurance options from homeowners to renters to auto, and of course, pet insurance, to help cover your dog or your cat. AFI’s pet insurance offers a simple comprehensive plan against accidents and illnesses, except pre-existing ones. Please click here for more information on pet insurance and what AFI offers their customers.

Filed Under: Sponsored Post, Military Life Tagged With: AFI, Military Family, Pet Insurance

Why You Should Take Your Military Family To Disneyland Or Walt Disney World in 2018

October 2, 2017 by Julie

Why You Should Take Your Military Family To Disneyland Or Walt Disney World in 2018

Are you a fan of Disney? I am! I love Disneyland, and while I have never been to Walt Disney World, I am sure I would love that place too. I love the magic, the rides, and everything about the place. Growing up I lived about 20 minutes from Disneyland and had annual passes. Since I moved away I have been able to go at least once every few years.

As you are looking ahead to 2018 and thinking about where to go as a family, Disney is a perfect option. Here is why:

Why You Should Take Your Military Family To Disneyland Or Walt Disney World in 2018

 

1. The Magic

Disney is magic! And that is why people go back year after year. If you have never taken your family to Disney, 2018 should be your year. Most amusement parks can be a lot of fun but Disney brings it to another level.

2. Because your service member just back from a deployment

Post-deployment trips are the best. Planning them can be a lot of fun and then to be able to spend that time together after a deployment is the best. Disney can make for a wonderful post-deployment trip.

Disneyland

3. Because your service member will be deployed sometime soon

If you have a deployment coming up, having a pre-deployment trip to Disneyland or Walt Disney World can be the right place to go to make some memories before they have to go. Spending quality time together as a family before you have to be apart is a must.

4. Because you want to check on Star Wars Land

Our family is pretty excited about Star Wars Land coming in 2019. They are building Galaxy’s Edge at Disneyland and another one at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. If you go to the parks in 2018, you will get a sneak peek into this new land. When we were at Disneyland in July, we were able to see what they were working on and it just made us that much more excited to see the land when it opens.

5. Because you live close and will be PCSing soon

For those that live in Southern California or Florida or anywhere within a few hours drive of the parks, taking a trip while you live close is a good idea. You could be PCSing soon which would mean additional travel so take advantage of being close for the time being and plan a trip in 2018.

6. Because you have always wanted to go

Let’s face it, so many of us have dreams of visiting Disney. I am still dreaming to go to Disney World myself. Maybe 2018 is your year to finally do so?

Disneyland

7. Because they have an amazing military discount

Disney has an amazing discount for the military! They have also extended their Armed Services Salute tickets at Disneyland and Walt Disney World for 2018. Although the price went up a little from 2017, this is still a fantastic deal! We used this discount this year to spend three days at Disneyland.

For 2018, here is what you can get:

Disneyland: You can get the three-day park hopper pass for $168 or a four-day for $188. You can purchase these tickets from 11/1/17 through 12/16/18, and you will need to visit the parks between 01/1/18-03/22/18 and 04/9/18-12/19/18. You can also purchase the Disney PhotoPass for $49.

Walt Disney World: You can get the four-day park hopper pass from now until 12/16/18 for $226 plus tax or the five-day hopper pass from now until 12/15/18 for $246 plus tax. You can add the Park Hopper Plus for $40 plus tax. You will need to go to the park between 01/01/18-12/19/18. You can also add the Memory Maker for $98.

I am so thankful for Disney for giving us this military discount year after year. Having this allows families to take a trip to Disneyland or Walt Disney World and save a bit of money doing so.

Will you be a planning a trip in 2018 or even sometime in 2017? 

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: Disneyland, Military Discount, Military Family

When Grandma Can’t Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

August 11, 2017 by Julie

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

When Grandma Can’t Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

I just got back from three whole weeks in California. We did so many fun things. We went to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Sea World, the Beach, and more. We also spent a lot of time with family.

We stayed with my family and my husband’s family came down to see us so we got to hang out with them too. My boys got to spend time with both Grandmas, Grandpa, their Uncle, their aunt, their great aunt, and their cousins.

Being able to spend this time together was very much needed. In February of this year, my family suffered a tragedy and lost my sister-in-law to suicide. I knew I wanted to visit in July before this happened but once it did, I knew I had to.

Life is shorter than we realize and nothing is guaranteed. I thought I would have plenty of time in the future to see my sister-in-law and I didn’t. So I planned a three week trip to California this summer and I hope I can do that again in the future.

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Hard Truth of Living Far From Home

We live over 2,000 miles from both of our families.

We moved away because of choice, we stay because we haven’t figured out a way to afford to move back. California is one expensive place.

If you are an active duty military family, you most likely will also be far from home. Maybe you are a few states away, but life makes visiting difficult. Maybe you are on different coasts, and visits are few and far between. Maybe you live in Europe, experiencing an overseas PCS, but part of you is still back home in the states.

We have been lucky over the years. Family has been able to visit us. When we were in Germany, all three living grandparents were able to visit with us there. They have also been able to take trips out to Tennessee to see us where we live now. Hopefully, there will be more in the future.

Right before we left for the airport to return to Tennessee I made a comment on Facebook about how I was looking forward to going home but I didn’t like that it was so far away from my family.

When I was in high school I couldn’t wait to leave. Two months after graduation I moved nine hours away to go to college. I have always wanted to live other places and experience how other people live.

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Hard Truth of Living Far From Home

But all of this independence comes with a cost.

Not living close to family means you can go years without seeing them. Yes, years.

Not living close to family means you are the cousins the rest of the family doesn’t really know, and that sucks.

Not living close to family means that each visit has a time limit and you can’t help but be aware of it.

Not living close to family means you will miss birthday parties, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and important events you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Not living close to family means you have to work that much harder at staying connected through the miles.

Someday we will hopefully live close to our families again. Someday we won’t have to miss them so much. And that is what I keep in mind when we say goodbye.

 

I am happy with my life here in Tennessee. We like our neighborhood, we like our church, we like the boy’s schools and the military community that surrounds us. This place has a lot to offer, but my family is simply too far away for me to be able to fully dig my roots into it.

If I think about everything we are missing, I can get pretty sad about the situation. I know my family is missing so much about my boys growing up.

I don’t even know what it would be like to have Grandma in the same town as us. I don’t know what being close to family on a day to day basis would be like.

I do know that so many military and even non-military families are living their lives away from their loved ones.

Those of us that are living far away have learned what we can do to make that distance a little bit closer. Calls and Facetime can help. Care packages can send love over the miles. Visits with one another are a must. And there is always hope that you will be able to move (or get stationed) close by them in the future.


How far away are you from your family? What do you do to stay connected to your family from miles away?

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: Home, Military Family, military spouse

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

 

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I first became a military spouse in 2005 when my husband of 3 years re-joined the Army. Then, in 2014, he joined the National Guard. In January of 2024, he retired from the National Guard after 21 years of service.

During our time in the military, we got to spend 4 years in Germany as well as Tennessee where we now call home.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you through my articles and social media posts.

 

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