Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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Surviving A Military Deployment

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Surviving A Military Deployment

Surviving A Military Deployment
I am sitting in my living room, in our 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Schweinfurt, Germany. We just got back from the park, and my two-year-old is finally asleep. I am nursing my baby to sleep and will put him down in a bit.

I plan to take a well-needed bubble bath once I do. It’s been a day. It’s been a week. It’s been a rough deployment.
 
And we still have so much more time to go…
 
Way too many days…way too long. And while every day is a day closer, the time ahead is just…well I am not sure how I am going to do this.
 
As I lay my baby down, I have no idea that his Dad won’t see him again until he is almost one. Or that after he comes home, it will be hard for him to bond. I have no idea that the deployment we thought would end in the summer would get extended again, and then again, and that he wouldn’t be home until right before Thanksgiving.
 
I leave the room and run the bath. I will probably read for a bit as I always do but I can’t stop thinking about things.
 
Surviving A Military Deployment
What if my husband never comes back?
 
What if he does and he isn’t the same?
 
What if I have way too hard of a time getting through this that the deployment breaks me forever?
 
It’s so hard not to worry about these things. They happen. They have happened to my friends.
 
It’s so hard to know how to have faith all will be okay when you know it might not be.
 
Deployments are so hard…and it’s okay to feel like you can’t go one more day.
 
It’s been 11 years since that deployment. Time has moved on. My boys have gotten older. We have been through more deployments.
 
Surviving A Military Deployment
They never get any easier. But you do learn how to cope.
 
I still hate the thought of being away from my husband, even though we make it through each and every time.
 
And although I would like to think that I could rock any future deployment we might go through, I also know that they could break me, just like they have done in the past.
 
If you are going through a deployment, know you are not alone. I have been there. Others have been there.
 
If you are about to start a deployment, know it is okay to be scared, that being worried about your spouse and what the deployment will be like is normal.
 
Know that you will grow as a person during the deployment. You will find ways to cope. You will deepen your friendships with others. You will figure out how to get to that finish line.
 
As military spouses, we do what we have to do because of who we love and the career our spouse has picked. But that doesn’t mean everything is easy or that we will never have a bad day. It just means we can find the strength to make it through…whatever comes our way.
 
If you are a military spouse looking for support, please take the time to check out my deployment blog posts here on Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life. I have many posts on deployments based on my own experiences as a military spouse.
 
Remember, you are not alone, there are people who want to help you through this, and people who can stand by you as you do. You got this military spouse, you do <3

When You Are Living a Military Life

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When You Are Living a Military Life

I have lived in a military community ever since I got off the airplane in Germany back in 2006. I have been through seasons of deployment after deployment. I have watched my friends go through this too. I have gone through a few PCS moves myself, I can’t even count how many people I know going through one this year.

A military life can be so different than a civilian one. I have learned this over the years, both from personal experience and the experiences of other military spouses I have known.

The military life is unique, filled with so many challenges and frustrations. There is nothing like it.

When You Are Living a Military Life

When you are living a military life, you deal with deployments.

Sometimes this means your spouse is away for just a few months, other times they can be deployed for much longer, for a year, or even more.

Sometimes this means crying yourself to sleep because you miss them so very much, sometimes it means being a shoulder for your friend to cry on when she is missing hers.

Sometimes this means feeling sick to your stomach every time the doorbell rings, other times it means receiving a call that your spouse is okay, but did get injured and trying to digest what that all means.

When you are living a military life, you deal with pcsing

Sometimes this means moving from your hometown, across the ocean, to a small German village.

Sometimes this means being stationed somewhere you never wanted to go, for an unknown amount of time.

Sometimes this means being reunited with your best friend from four years ago because you are both getting stationed at the same duty station.

When You Are Living a Military Life

When you are living a military life, you will have to stand by your service member

Even when they return from deployment, and they don’t seem like the same person.

Even when you are not sure how to make things better.

Even when it seems like your spouse’s career always comes first.

When you are living a military life, you might need to walk away

Sometimes life really does get too hard.

Sometimes a marriage falls apart, despite your best efforts.

Sometimes, things can’t last forever like you want them to.

When You Are Living a Military Life

When you are living a military life, you might feel lonely at times

Your friends might move away.

You might move away.

And your life can be filled with so many hellos, then goodbyes.

When you are living a military life, you can get frustrated with your own career plans

You might want to work in your ideal job, but there are no openings for that type of job where you currently live.

You might apply, only to be rejected because of all the moves you have made in the past.

You might have to start over every few years, and that can make you feel like you just want to give up.

Being married to a service member will make you humble, will allow you to become more independent, and will help you grow in ways you never thought possible. But at the same time, the harsh realities of a military life can really get to us. Some days will be easier than others, some duty stations will be easier than others, and some deployments will be easier than others.

We will find what works, we will we find our strength, and we will figure out how to get through what is ahead.

 

At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

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At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

Deployments are no joke. I hate deployments, and yet I know they are a part of the military life experience. And while there are so many ways to make it through a deployment, sometimes you just have to suck it up and get through the days apart, even if you don’t want to.

The biggest thing is making sure you have what you need to get through the deployment. This is going to look different for everyone. Some people love wine, others, not so much. Some people love chocolate, and others perfect another type of candy.

And when I talk about what you need to get through a deployment, food and drinks can be easy to bring up, but in reality, you need more than that. You need good friends by your side, hobbies to focus on, a possible career path for yourself, and even something like a deployment haven in your home.

Basically, anything that will help you through the time apart.

If you are not sure what this is for you, think about what makes you happy and what can brighten your day. Think about what has worked in the past, and go from there.

Sucking it up is simply finding ways to cope.

It is not dwelling on all the negatives but working towards enjoy life, even when they are away. This doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sad, or won’t ever need to cry. It doesn’t mean you have to think the deployment is the best thing ever or that you are never allowed to vent about what you are going through.

So if you are just starting your deployment, or are in the middle of one, make sure you are surrounding yourself with people and things that will help you. That will make the deployment much easier for you and time will go by a little faster.

Make sure to read my other deployment posts! 

When You Hate Deployments

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When You Hate Deployments

Our first deployment came about nine months after my life as a military spouse first began. This was after spending about 4.5 months apart waiting to join my husband in Germany. He left the following August, and that deployment didn’t end until November of the following year.

That was such a long time to be away from my husband. Even now, all these years later, I can’t even believe we got through that. I had a baby during that deployment, a toddler, and lived in Germany, far away from family and what we were used to.

Over the years my husband deployed three more times. I got through each of these the best I could. I got through them one day at a time, one hour at a time sometimes. I somehow made it through those challenges.

I thought that my deployment days were over, but as we are starting to possibly get ready for deployment #5, I am starting to get a bit nervous. There is so much on my mind, and I just don’t know how that time apart is going to go.

When You Hate Deployments

See, I hate deployments.

Sure, there are benefits from them. You can grow as a person, you can do things you otherwise wouldn’t, you can find ways to become a better person.

You can bond with other spouses, you can learn more about yourself, and you can feel stronger than you ever have once they come home.

But I hate deployments.

And although my kids are much older this time, I am still nervous. No, I won’t have to change all the diapers by myself, but I will have two teenagers during the deployment.

All my kids will be in school, but I will be too, with all the stress that brings.

When You Hate Deployments

And I will still miss my husband just as much. The one I decided I wanted to spend my life with. The one I have so much fun with. My biggest cheerleader.

So as I look ahead, what can I do when I already know how much deployments suck? What can I say to myself to help get in a better mood about this? What can I do to make the future deployment less painful?

I am going to try to think positively

I am going to go into this deployment trying to think positively about the next year. This will be hard to do. But I want to start this deployment with the hope that everything will be okay. I want to go into the deployment without hating it and to do that I have to change my thinking about what is to come.

I am making lists of people and things that will help me

I know I have people I can depend on. I know there are things that will help me through. I am going to make a list of these people and things. From who I can call on my hardest deployment days, to the easy meals to make during one of those deployment nights when cooking is the last thing I want to do.

When You Hate Deployments

I am going to remind myself the deployment is not forever

This is something I will have to repeat to myself over and over. Deployments don’t last forever; deployments don’t last forever, deployments don’t last forever. They start, they are, then they end.

It might seem a bit strange to have to remind yourself of this, but I know for myself, I can get stuck in feeling like the deployment will last forever. Even when I know that logically that is impossible, my heart doesn’t always understand.

I am going to give myself permission to cry

If I need to cry, I am going to cry. But I am also going to work on having good days, even though my husband will be across the ocean.

I am going to have to stay strong for my kids, I am going to have to be there to help them through the deployment, and I am going to have to be strong for them as well as for myself.

But somedays, I might need to cry. That is how I get the frustration and sadness out. That is one step to help feeling better about everything. Crying might just be what I need to do.

I am going to take it one day at a time

I am going to take this deployment one day a time because sometimes that is all I can do. There are going to be challenges along the way, and not every day is going to be a good one. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to handle what comes my way.

Not everyone likes to count down the days of a deployment, but I do. (Not online of course, just in my own journal, OPSEC and everything.) I like to see how far I have come. I like to know how much longer I will have to go. I like to know where I am in the middle of the deployment.

And I think it is good to celebrate the little things during a deployment. I have been in FRGs that have 100-day parties. I get excited about a new movie coming out, or a new book release. I make plans, and make memories with my kids, even when he is gone.

I know during our next deployment there will be days when I will wake and say, “man, I hate deployments.” However, I am going to try hard not to be too sad and upset the whole time he is gone. That isn’t going to be good for me, my kids, or even my husband.

He has a job to do, and he will need to get it done. And I will be here, cheering him along, making each day count, and trying to thrive more than just survive during the deployment.

Make sure to visit my deployment section for more blog posts on getting through your next deployment. You can also join my blog’s Facebook group for support during your military journey.

 

The End of a Deployment is A Good Time to Try Something New

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The End of a Deployment is A Good Time to Try Something New

So you are at the 8-month mark, finally! You have weeks to go, you are counting down the days in your head (not online of course, OPSEC and all,) and you are not quite sure you are really at this place.

How did you make it this far? One day at a time? Somehow you are at the end of the deployment. And now things are dragging again. Time is moving at a snail’s pace.

So close, yet so far.

What can you do about that?

Why not start a new hobby? Is there anything you have been wanting to learn? Anything that you can put time into?

What about a new habit? Maybe start working out again? Or cooking different types of meals? Think of something you can change to mix things up a bit.

When the days look the same, they are more likely to drag. Maybe starting a Friday night movie night, or Taco Tuesday night is just what your family needs to get things moving again.

You can also start thinking about after they get home. Will you go on a trip somewhere? Will you guys be pcsing soon after?

Focus on something, anything, other than the fact that the deployment is almost over. I know, easier said than done, but still.

Think about how you can keep staying busy all the way until the day they come home. Keep moving, keep learning, and keep getting out there. That will make the last weeks go by a bit faster and less chance of feeling like you will never get to that well-needed finish line.

Deployments do end. Homecoming will eventually happen. And your service member will be back in your arms again.

What do you do during the last weeks of a deployment to make sure time still passes quickly for you?  

 

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

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5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Last year, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do in the future. I graduated with my BA in Sociology in 2001 and I never really knew what I was going to do with it. I never did get a “Sociology” job and ended up working in other ways after college. Then I started having children and started to stay home.

I have been a work at home mom for years now and while I love what I do (writing) and I love the flexibility of working from home (it’s so nice) I started to feel like I wanted to pursue something else. Something I was passionate about, something I felt I could do, and something that would be a good choice for my family.

Before I had my kids, I worked as a doula. And I loved being around birth, even though I didn’t do it very long. I had already been to quite a few births before I had my oldest baby. I loved being there, helping women through giving birth. I loved watching new life come into the world.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Last fall, I sat down with a list of careers I could see myself pursuing. Careers I would need to go back to school for, but where I could find a good job once I was done. The thing about a Sociology degree is by itself; it can be hard to find a good paying job. So while I was thankful to have that degree, I knew if I wanted to pursue any of those careers on my list I would need to go to school.

As I talked to a few people in different career paths, thought about where I saw myself in the future, and figured out what I wanted to do, there was a clear winner…

Nursing!

I wanted to become a nurse. Right now, labor and delivery has my heart, but we will see where the road leads.

I needed to take a few prereqs before I could apply to nursing school. I decided to take this year to complete them and start nursing school next fall or spring. I started my first class in August, an online one, and I am not sure how I feel about that format.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

I will start my first in-person class in 17 years in a few weeks! It seems like a big change. Although I have deadlines with my work at home job, I work very flexible hours. If I need or even want to go somewhere at a certain time, I can usually make it happen. I just do my work around that.

This will change a little the rest of this school year with having to go to class a couple of times a week. And then once I do start nursing school, my life will look completely different. While I am very excited about this path, change is never easy.

I am not sure how everything is going to go. I am not sure how much time I will have for the things that are important to me. But I know everything will work out, and the sacrifice will be worth it.

As I think about this blog post, I wanted to share a bit about why I think it can be so good for military spouses to go to school. While going to school, or back to school isn’t an option for everyone, and it might not be the right season for you, going back to school can be something you can think about in the future.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Here are 5 reasons for military spouses to go back to school:

MYCAA

If your spouse is on Title 10 orders, an E-1 to E-5, W-1 to W-2 or O-1 to O-2, you can use MYCAA for certain degrees, licenses, and certificates. MYCAA will give you up to $4,000 for your education. This is money, just for you to go to school, and can be a good reason to go back.

You never finished and always wanted to

You may have started college when you were younger, then life happened, and you decided to do something else. It has been a few years, and now you want to go back. Now is a perfect time to do so.

See what colleges are in your local area. I am a big fan of Community Colleges. You can check out what degree programs they have and go from there. Online programs are also a good idea and allow you more flexibility during military life.

Career change

Maybe you do have a degree and even a career. But as life went by, you decided you wanted to do something else. That’s okay; it’s never too late to go back and get another degree to do something else. Whether you are completely changing your focus, or just going to get some more education, starting a new career can be a very good thing for you and your family.

You want your own career

Maybe it is just time for you to work on your own career. Often times, military spouses can put their own hopes and dreams on the backburner because of the craziness of military life. Other times, they become the stay at home parent while their kids are growing up.

But as you know, children do grow up, and you might find yourself in a place where school makes more sense. This was part of going back to school for me. My kids were older, and I knew they could handle different schedules.

I also won’t have to depend on childcare as much, my oldest will be about 17 when I graduate. These are big hurdles for some people, and as your children grow, some of those challenges go away, and that makes working on your own career a little easier.

The GI Bill

Did you know that your service member spouse can transfer all or part of their GI Bill to you? This can be a good way to pay for school, especially if you can’t use MYCAA or plan to get a higher degree. There are some new rules when it comes to transferring the GI Bill which goes into effect next summer so if you ever want to use their GI Bill, get things figured out soon.

There are many reasons to go back to school, whether going back is something you have always wanted to do, or the time suddenly seemed right.

Did you decide to go back to school? What went into your decision?

Enough With the Dependa Crap

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Enough With the Dependa Crap

I’m over it. I am so tired of the dependa crap. I am tired of people throwing that word around, using it to demean others, using it as a weapon, and hiding behind it as if it makes them better than anyone else.

Enough with the talking down to other military spouses because they live their lives differently than you do.

Enough with the Facebook group bashing because you think you are right and don’t have room for other opinions.

Enough with assuming military spouses are only there to take from an unsuspecting soldier.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

We as a military community are better than that!

We should be anyway.

We should be showing other military spouses compassion.

And if we can’t do that, then we should learn how to keep our mouths shut.

We don’t have to be friends with everyone, we don’t have to like everyone, but enough with calling people names when we don’t get along.

We are all in this together.

We all go through deployments, we all have lonely nights, we all know what it is like to wait for someone.

In the midst of solo parenting, we don’t have the time for this.

The truth is…

Some of us military spouses work outside the home, some of us work in the home.

Some of us are stay at home parents, some of us have been over the years when it worked best for our families to do so.

Some of us have college degrees, some of us don’t.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

Some of us are going back to school, and some of us are waiting until our children are a little older.

Some of us work 9-5 jobs, some of us work the overnight shift.

Some of us have been military spouses since we were 18, some of us joined this lifestyle at 30.

Some of us have five children, some of us have one child, and some of us are okay with a child-free life.

Enough with the dependa crap!

It doesn’t look good on you, hate for others never does.

We are a community of diverse, unique, and amazing men and women. We might be from different places, we might have different backgrounds, but the one thing we all have in common is supporting a military service member.

And are their military spouses that are doing things to hurt their service member? Sure, what community doesn’t have that? But in my personal experience, these spouses are not the norm.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

Quit calling out an entire community, and work to make relationships within it.

Quit assuming that anyone that says something positive about the military is just using their spouse; there are some pretty amazing things about being a military spouse and it is okay to talk about them.

Quit assuming that anyone that is having a difficult time with this lifestyle deserves to be made fun of, not everything is easy and sometimes we do need that extra support.

Enough with the dependa crap!

It doesn’t make sense, it tears us apart, and it tears apart the very community we need during our time as a military spouse.

Do better, be better, understand what you can, and have grace for what you can’t.

I have met so many military spouses during the last 13 years that I have been a military spouse. Almost every single one is trying to do what they can to love their service member spouse, raise their children if they have them, work on their own careers, whatever they might be, and strive to handle this crazy lifestyle.

Enough with the dependa crap! We are so much better than that! 

16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

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16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Whether you are new to military spouse life, or a seasoned military spouse, there are parts to military life that can seem a bit overwhelming, a bit frustrating, or a bit unique.

Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

We work our way through deployments, no matter how long they might be. We PCS, then we PCS again, and learn more about the world through our journey. We stand by as our service member serves our country, doing what we can to be there, and living the best life possible within military life!

Here are 16 memes that talk about just that, military life and what it means to be a military spouse…

16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Bored at the end of your deployment? Try something new! It’s a good time for it 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

The decisions we have to make simply because we move around a lot 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! Get the things you need to get you through 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Moving is hard! You have to figure out new everything!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! If they put on a uniform, you are a military space, no matter what the uniform looks like.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Such is this military spouse life! Take it one day at a time, if you have to.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! We all need friends like that 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

OPSEC is so important. Make sure you always follow it!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Sometimes our past can help us through our future…

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

So true! Such mixed feelings when they are gone.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

I always seem to do that in the dark! Whoops! At least it means he is home?

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

That’s the beauty of PCSing, you know where all the Targets are!!!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

It can be so hard to remember these things when they change all the time!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes, yes we do 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Such the way things go…just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Make sure to start with your lists!

 

How long have you been a military spouse???