Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

When You Hate Deployments

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When You Hate Deployments

Our first deployment came about nine months after my life as a military spouse first began. This was after spending about 4.5 months apart waiting to join my husband in Germany. He left the following August, and that deployment didn’t end until November of the following year.

That was such a long time to be away from my husband. Even now, all these years later, I can’t even believe we got through that. I had a baby during that deployment, a toddler, and lived in Germany, far away from family and what we were used to.

Over the years my husband deployed three more times. I got through each of these the best I could. I got through them one day at a time, one hour at a time sometimes. I somehow made it through those challenges.

I thought that my deployment days were over, but as we are starting to possibly get ready for deployment #5, I am starting to get a bit nervous. There is so much on my mind, and I just don’t know how that time apart is going to go.

When You Hate Deployments

See, I hate deployments.

Sure, there are benefits from them. You can grow as a person, you can do things you otherwise wouldn’t, you can find ways to become a better person.

You can bond with other spouses, you can learn more about yourself, and you can feel stronger than you ever have once they come home.

But I hate deployments.

And although my kids are much older this time, I am still nervous. No, I won’t have to change all the diapers by myself, but I will have two teenagers during the deployment.

All my kids will be in school, but I will be too, with all the stress that brings.

When You Hate Deployments

And I will still miss my husband just as much. The one I decided I wanted to spend my life with. The one I have so much fun with. My biggest cheerleader.

So as I look ahead, what can I do when I already know how much deployments suck? What can I say to myself to help get in a better mood about this? What can I do to make the future deployment less painful?

I am going to try to think positively

I am going to go into this deployment trying to think positively about the next year. This will be hard to do. But I want to start this deployment with the hope that everything will be okay. I want to go into the deployment without hating it and to do that I have to change my thinking about what is to come.

I am making lists of people and things that will help me

I know I have people I can depend on. I know there are things that will help me through. I am going to make a list of these people and things. From who I can call on my hardest deployment days, to the easy meals to make during one of those deployment nights when cooking is the last thing I want to do.

When You Hate Deployments

I am going to remind myself the deployment is not forever

This is something I will have to repeat to myself over and over. Deployments don’t last forever; deployments don’t last forever, deployments don’t last forever. They start, they are, then they end.

It might seem a bit strange to have to remind yourself of this, but I know for myself, I can get stuck in feeling like the deployment will last forever. Even when I know that logically that is impossible, my heart doesn’t always understand.

I am going to give myself permission to cry

If I need to cry, I am going to cry. But I am also going to work on having good days, even though my husband will be across the ocean.

I am going to have to stay strong for my kids, I am going to have to be there to help them through the deployment, and I am going to have to be strong for them as well as for myself.

But somedays, I might need to cry. That is how I get the frustration and sadness out. That is one step to help feeling better about everything. Crying might just be what I need to do.

I am going to take it one day at a time

I am going to take this deployment one day a time because sometimes that is all I can do. There are going to be challenges along the way, and not every day is going to be a good one. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to handle what comes my way.

Not everyone likes to count down the days of a deployment, but I do. (Not online of course, just in my own journal, OPSEC and everything.) I like to see how far I have come. I like to know how much longer I will have to go. I like to know where I am in the middle of the deployment.

And I think it is good to celebrate the little things during a deployment. I have been in FRGs that have 100-day parties. I get excited about a new movie coming out, or a new book release. I make plans, and make memories with my kids, even when he is gone.

I know during our next deployment there will be days when I will wake and say, “man, I hate deployments.” However, I am going to try hard not to be too sad and upset the whole time he is gone. That isn’t going to be good for me, my kids, or even my husband.

He has a job to do, and he will need to get it done. And I will be here, cheering him along, making each day count, and trying to thrive more than just survive during the deployment.

Make sure to visit my deployment section for more blog posts on getting through your next deployment. You can also join my blog’s Facebook group for support during your military journey.

 

The End of a Deployment is A Good Time to Try Something New

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The End of a Deployment is A Good Time to Try Something New

So you are at the 8-month mark, finally! You have weeks to go, you are counting down the days in your head (not online of course, OPSEC and all,) and you are not quite sure you are really at this place.

How did you make it this far? One day at a time? Somehow you are at the end of the deployment. And now things are dragging again. Time is moving at a snail’s pace.

So close, yet so far.

What can you do about that?

Why not start a new hobby? Is there anything you have been wanting to learn? Anything that you can put time into?

What about a new habit? Maybe start working out again? Or cooking different types of meals? Think of something you can change to mix things up a bit.

When the days look the same, they are more likely to drag. Maybe starting a Friday night movie night, or Taco Tuesday night is just what your family needs to get things moving again.

You can also start thinking about after they get home. Will you go on a trip somewhere? Will you guys be pcsing soon after?

Focus on something, anything, other than the fact that the deployment is almost over. I know, easier said than done, but still.

Think about how you can keep staying busy all the way until the day they come home. Keep moving, keep learning, and keep getting out there. That will make the last weeks go by a bit faster and less chance of feeling like you will never get to that well-needed finish line.

Deployments do end. Homecoming will eventually happen. And your service member will be back in your arms again.

What do you do during the last weeks of a deployment to make sure time still passes quickly for you?  

 

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

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5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Last year, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do in the future. I graduated with my BA in Sociology in 2001 and I never really knew what I was going to do with it. I never did get a “Sociology” job and ended up working in other ways after college. Then I started having children and started to stay home.

I have been a work at home mom for years now and while I love what I do (writing) and I love the flexibility of working from home (it’s so nice) I started to feel like I wanted to pursue something else. Something I was passionate about, something I felt I could do, and something that would be a good choice for my family.

Before I had my kids, I worked as a doula. And I loved being around birth, even though I didn’t do it very long. I had already been to quite a few births before I had my oldest baby. I loved being there, helping women through giving birth. I loved watching new life come into the world.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Last fall, I sat down with a list of careers I could see myself pursuing. Careers I would need to go back to school for, but where I could find a good job once I was done. The thing about a Sociology degree is by itself; it can be hard to find a good paying job. So while I was thankful to have that degree, I knew if I wanted to pursue any of those careers on my list I would need to go to school.

As I talked to a few people in different career paths, thought about where I saw myself in the future, and figured out what I wanted to do, there was a clear winner…

Nursing!

I wanted to become a nurse. Right now, labor and delivery has my heart, but we will see where the road leads.

I needed to take a few prereqs before I could apply to nursing school. I decided to take this year to complete them and start nursing school next fall or spring. I started my first class in August, an online one, and I am not sure how I feel about that format.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

I will start my first in-person class in 17 years in a few weeks! It seems like a big change. Although I have deadlines with my work at home job, I work very flexible hours. If I need or even want to go somewhere at a certain time, I can usually make it happen. I just do my work around that.

This will change a little the rest of this school year with having to go to class a couple of times a week. And then once I do start nursing school, my life will look completely different. While I am very excited about this path, change is never easy.

I am not sure how everything is going to go. I am not sure how much time I will have for the things that are important to me. But I know everything will work out, and the sacrifice will be worth it.

As I think about this blog post, I wanted to share a bit about why I think it can be so good for military spouses to go to school. While going to school, or back to school isn’t an option for everyone, and it might not be the right season for you, going back to school can be something you can think about in the future.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Here are 5 reasons for military spouses to go back to school:

MYCAA

If your spouse is on Title 10 orders, an E-1 to E-5, W-1 to W-2 or O-1 to O-2, you can use MYCAA for certain degrees, licenses, and certificates. MYCAA will give you up to $4,000 for your education. This is money, just for you to go to school, and can be a good reason to go back.

You never finished and always wanted to

You may have started college when you were younger, then life happened, and you decided to do something else. It has been a few years, and now you want to go back. Now is a perfect time to do so.

See what colleges are in your local area. I am a big fan of Community Colleges. You can check out what degree programs they have and go from there. Online programs are also a good idea and allow you more flexibility during military life.

Career change

Maybe you do have a degree and even a career. But as life went by, you decided you wanted to do something else. That’s okay; it’s never too late to go back and get another degree to do something else. Whether you are completely changing your focus, or just going to get some more education, starting a new career can be a very good thing for you and your family.

You want your own career

Maybe it is just time for you to work on your own career. Often times, military spouses can put their own hopes and dreams on the backburner because of the craziness of military life. Other times, they become the stay at home parent while their kids are growing up.

But as you know, children do grow up, and you might find yourself in a place where school makes more sense. This was part of going back to school for me. My kids were older, and I knew they could handle different schedules.

I also won’t have to depend on childcare as much, my oldest will be about 17 when I graduate. These are big hurdles for some people, and as your children grow, some of those challenges go away, and that makes working on your own career a little easier.

The GI Bill

Did you know that your service member spouse can transfer all or part of their GI Bill to you? This can be a good way to pay for school, especially if you can’t use MYCAA or plan to get a higher degree. There are some new rules when it comes to transferring the GI Bill which goes into effect next summer so if you ever want to use their GI Bill, get things figured out soon.

There are many reasons to go back to school, whether going back is something you have always wanted to do, or the time suddenly seemed right.

Did you decide to go back to school? What went into your decision?

Enough With the Dependa Crap

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Enough With the Dependa Crap

I’m over it. I am so tired of the dependa crap. I am tired of people throwing that word around, using it to demean others, using it as a weapon, and hiding behind it as if it makes them better than anyone else.

Enough with the talking down to other military spouses because they live their lives differently than you do.

Enough with the Facebook group bashing because you think you are right and don’t have room for other opinions.

Enough with assuming military spouses are only there to take from an unsuspecting soldier.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

We as a military community are better than that!

We should be anyway.

We should be showing other military spouses compassion.

And if we can’t do that, then we should learn how to keep our mouths shut.

We don’t have to be friends with everyone, we don’t have to like everyone, but enough with calling people names when we don’t get along.

We are all in this together.

We all go through deployments, we all have lonely nights, we all know what it is like to wait for someone.

In the midst of solo parenting, we don’t have the time for this.

The truth is…

Some of us military spouses work outside the home, some of us work in the home.

Some of us are stay at home parents, some of us have been over the years when it worked best for our families to do so.

Some of us have college degrees, some of us don’t.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

Some of us are going back to school, and some of us are waiting until our children are a little older.

Some of us work 9-5 jobs, some of us work the overnight shift.

Some of us have been military spouses since we were 18, some of us joined this lifestyle at 30.

Some of us have five children, some of us have one child, and some of us are okay with a child-free life.

Enough with the dependa crap!

It doesn’t look good on you, hate for others never does.

We are a community of diverse, unique, and amazing men and women. We might be from different places, we might have different backgrounds, but the one thing we all have in common is supporting a military service member.

And are their military spouses that are doing things to hurt their service member? Sure, what community doesn’t have that? But in my personal experience, these spouses are not the norm.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

Quit calling out an entire community, and work to make relationships within it.

Quit assuming that anyone that says something positive about the military is just using their spouse; there are some pretty amazing things about being a military spouse and it is okay to talk about them.

Quit assuming that anyone that is having a difficult time with this lifestyle deserves to be made fun of, not everything is easy and sometimes we do need that extra support.

Enough with the dependa crap!

It doesn’t make sense, it tears us apart, and it tears apart the very community we need during our time as a military spouse.

Do better, be better, understand what you can, and have grace for what you can’t.

I have met so many military spouses during the last 13 years that I have been a military spouse. Almost every single one is trying to do what they can to love their service member spouse, raise their children if they have them, work on their own careers, whatever they might be, and strive to handle this crazy lifestyle.

Enough with the dependa crap! We are so much better than that! 

16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

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16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Whether you are new to military spouse life, or a seasoned military spouse, there are parts to military life that can seem a bit overwhelming, a bit frustrating, or a bit unique.

Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

We work our way through deployments, no matter how long they might be. We PCS, then we PCS again, and learn more about the world through our journey. We stand by as our service member serves our country, doing what we can to be there, and living the best life possible within military life!

Here are 16 memes that talk about just that, military life and what it means to be a military spouse…

16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Bored at the end of your deployment? Try something new! It’s a good time for it 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

The decisions we have to make simply because we move around a lot 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! Get the things you need to get you through 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Moving is hard! You have to figure out new everything!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! If they put on a uniform, you are a military space, no matter what the uniform looks like.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Such is this military spouse life! Take it one day at a time, if you have to.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! We all need friends like that 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

OPSEC is so important. Make sure you always follow it!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Sometimes our past can help us through our future…

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

So true! Such mixed feelings when they are gone.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

I always seem to do that in the dark! Whoops! At least it means he is home?

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

That’s the beauty of PCSing, you know where all the Targets are!!!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

It can be so hard to remember these things when they change all the time!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes, yes we do 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Such the way things go…just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Make sure to start with your lists!

 

How long have you been a military spouse???

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

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Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

We all need people. People we can depend on, people we can connect with, and people we can have meaningful relationships with.

We might make a new friend, and find out they are moving in three months.

We might have the perfect group of friends, knowing we will PCS in just a few months.

We might be brand new to our duty station and feel overwhelmed with starting over yet another time.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

The truth is, we need to find these meaningful friendships to help us through our military spouse lives.

Having a deployment buddy makes the time go by that much faster. Knowing you have people to invite over for a pizza night when he has 24-hour CQ, your three-year-old refuses to pee in the potty, and five-month-old starts waking up every two hours again.

Finding your people will get you through some of your hardest times as a military spouse. People you can depend on, people who get this life, and people you can help in return.

Finding those meaningful friendships isn’t always easy, and sometimes they can take longer than we want to find the right person, but here are some things to think about when it comes to finding meaningful friendships in military spouse life:

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

Open up about your struggles

This one is hard for me, so very hard, but when you can open up about your struggles, you can bond with others who have been through them too. Maybe it is a long deployment you didn’t think you could get through, maybe you had a miscarriage last year, maybe your marriage is struggling, and you simply don’t know what to do about it.

Opening up and sharing everything to everyone you meet is not a good idea, but if you feel like you can trust the person, opening up can be a way to connect and start the journey of becoming much closer friends.

A year is still enough time

Having five to ten years or more of in-person friendship is ideal, that isn’t our reality as military spouses who move every few years. What can happen is that you can meet someone, be around them for a year, and continue your friendship across the miles.

You can text, email, and video chat. You can plan to see each other and be intentional about connecting even though you are far away. Plus, you never know when the military might bring you guys back around to the same duty station in the future.

Stay in touch

If a friend moves away, make sure you take the time to reach out to them. Send a text asking how they are doing, comment on their photos on Facebook, or send an email asking them about the next stage of their life.

This can be difficult sometimes. Life does move on. People get involved at their new duty station. But that doesn’t mean that when you say goodbye to a friend, that has to be the last time you connect with them.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

Be a listening ear

Be there for people. Offer up a listening ear. Be trustworthy so that you can connect with others. Being there for others will go a long way in helping you find those meaningful relationships that you are looking for.

Make sure you are getting out there

Are you getting out of the house looking for ways to make friends? Did you try once and then said forget it? Sometimes we try to make friends once, it doesn’t work out, and we don’t want to try again.

I would encourage you to keep going. At a military installation, people are always moving in, there are always new people to meet. It is normal to get discouraged when new friends aren’t happening as soon as you want them to, but you have to keep putting yourself out there.

If you are on the shy side or can’t seem to get yourself to go places, try online. There are probably a lot of different Facebook groups out there for your duty station. Some might be more general and others hobby or age specific.

Remember, so many of the other military spouses at your duty station are looking for meaningful friendships too. You are not alone in this. Try to get out there, meet others, and do what you can to find friends, no matter where you are stationed, or how long you will be there.

Where did you meet some of your best friends???

We Are Military Spouses

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We Are Military Spouses

Being a military spouse is quite the journey. There is nothing quite like being married to someone serving in the military. This way of life is unique, filled with the good and the bad.

We Are Military Spouses

As military spouses…

We jump right into this life, dating someone who wears the uniform. Knowing that if we are going to get serious with them, we would have to be on board with a different type of lifestyle.

We marry civilians, and over the years, things changed and we stand by them as they sign papers to join the military.

We stay home, they go off to basic training, both of us not knowing what to expect, and hoping we made the right choice.

We pack up our first home, after waiting on orders for our first duty station, unsure how a California girl is going to do in Kansas.

We Are Military Spouses

We fly over the ocean for the first time, arriving in a city in Germany, ready to spend the rest of our 20s in a different country.

We move into military housing, unsure how we were going to make this tiny home work, but we will somehow figure it all out.

We stand by as the deployment orders come, knowing they will come again in the future too.

We comfort our friends as they say goodbye to their spouses, knowing that our turn is coming soon too.

We Are Military Spouses

We try to understand what all the terms mean, but even after years as a military spouse, some still confuses us.

We go to FRG meetings, even when we are not sure what to expect.

We leave our comfort zone because we know it might be the only way to make some friends who understand this life.

We feel left out of family events, since they are 2,000 miles away, but we take comfort in finding family-like friends at our duty stations.

We Are Military Spouses

We are never really sure how long we will be a military spouse, the struggle over re-listing is real.

We get frustrated with TRICARE but are thankful to have it all the same.

We hope and pray that the military doesn’t mess up our pay, and check the LES religiously just in case it does.

We start new hobbies, and learn new skills, trying to stay busy during the deployments.

We Are Military Spouses

We Are Military Spouses

We want to work on our own careers and get frustrated when the military makes that difficult.

We still try to do what we can, even if it seems impossible.

We are stay at home moms, work at home moms, and working out of the home moms.

We are stay at home dads, work at home dads, and working out of the home dads.

We Are Military Spouses

We come from different backgrounds and can learn a lot from one another.

We know that not everyone grew up like we did, and we have a window into other ways of doing things.

We are young, barely out of high school and we are more seasoned, turning 40 during our spouse’s 6th deployment.

We have been to college, or want to go, and hope that the military will help make that happen.

We Are Military Spouses

We have five children, or three children, or one little baby.

We don’t have children and don’t intend to ever change that.

We have dogs that stand by us through the hardest of days, and cats that piss us off, even though we love them so much.

We live on post, we live off post and make the best of any housing situation.

We Are Military Spouses

We Are Military Spouses

We have lived overseas for half of marriage and hope to go back someday soon.

We are scared to death to get orders to Europe but know it will be an experience of a lifetime.

We want to go to Hawaii, it’s always been a dream, and now with the military, going over there can happen.

We are not sure we will ever be able to be stationed OCONUS, but hope that it can happen with our next PCS.

We Are Military Spouses

We worry when our loved one is in a dangerous place.

We know, no news is good news, but that is hard to remember sometimes.

We learn OPSEC, PERSEC, and try to remember both even in the midst of a difficult deployment.

We know who we can lean on, and we reach out to others going through the same type of situation.

We Are Military Spouses

We welcome back our soldier, airmen, sailor, marine, or coastie, having spent hours finding the perfect outfit.

We know that the outfit doesn’t matter, just being back in their arms again does.

We worry about after the deployment, not knowing what to expect.

We try to be there for our spouse as much as possible, as they try to make their way during reintegration.

We Are Military Spouses

We Are Military Spouses

We solo parent, even with three toddlers under our foot.

We give birth without our partner, hoping we can video chat sometime during labor.

We depend on our friends, and family members to help when they can but we know we have to do a lot of it by ourselves.

We can’t help but laugh when Murphy’s law hits hard, that first day of deployment.

We Are Military Spouses

We dream, we hope, we pray…

We cry when things get hard, we comfort when they get hard for our neighbor.

We know that things could always be worse, and we know that things can and will get better when we are in a difficult place.

We grow stronger through it all and know that someday we will appreciate what we have been through if it hasn’t happened already.

We Are Military Spouses…the partners of those who serve our country. The ones back at home. The ones who wait.

How long have you been a military spouse???

 

Welcome Them Home

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Welcome Them Home

Welcome Them Home

I’m so excited to be on the blog today you guys! Julie offered to let me use her platform to share with you about my non-profit because we both believe that you guys would totally be into it because THIS IS FOR YOU! Here goes…

My name is Bethany Cox and I am the founder of the non-profit Welcome Them Home. I wrote a little about it on our website but I thought I ould share that here with you as well.

Welcome Them Home is simple.

Welcome Them Home

It is a network of photographers who donate their time and skills to service members and their families as a thank you for the sacrifices that are being made for our country. Each photographer in the network has agreed to photograph your service member’s homecoming, free of charge.

We want to thank YOU for your sacrifices, be it on the home-front or abroad. Our goal is to become a household name for military families so that they know they have the option to have their Homecoming moment photographed, free of charge.

The story behind the non-profit is this: I was riding in the car with my husband and his brother. We were talking about wanting to do more with our lives than just pursue money and happiness, (which are pretty normal and perfectly fine pursuits). We wanted to serve others but in a creative way. I mentioned that it was on my heart to photograph military homecomings for free.

They encouraged me and said that I should do that… but I should do it on a large scale! Yes… I could photograph them, but only in a small area of the country. There are a lot of bases out there and a WHOLE lot of homecomings happening all over. Why not spread the net wide? I came up with the idea to create a network of photographers that would all agree to photograph homecomings for free.

Welcome Them Home

I like the idea of simplicity and I also liked the idea of this thing being able to run itself without me having to have my hands in every single aspect of it. I decided to take myself out of the equation almost completely by simply creating a website where families (you guys!!) can connect with photographers with no middle man, (ie: me). You simply find a photographer that you like in the area where your homecoming will happen and voila!

This was way back in 2012! Since then the network grew so much that I wasn’t able to keep things updated. Recently, I decided to start a fundraiser to help me create a website that would function a lot better for everyone.

Photographers would create accounts and be able to update their locations and details so that you guys could easily find them through a search function. Right now we are on a small break while we raise the money to rebuild the site, but once it’s done, we will be open again for you to use us!!

Welcome Them HomePlease do keep us in mind for your next Family Readiness Group or even for your own homecoming moment. I know that the photographer in the non-profit LOVE being able to do this for you guys, and many of them are military spouses or service members themselves.

If you can donate, please do, but the most important thing that will help us the most is for you to spread the word about what “Welcome Them Home” offers. Hopefully one day, everyone who wants this moment photographed, will know exactly where to look for a photographer.

Welcome Home Website: http://welcomethemhome.org/
Welcome Home Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/WelcomeThemHome/