Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

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Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

This past weekend, the article, Why Raising Kids Without Family Nearby Sucks by Scary Mommy was being shared on Facebook.

I could really relate to most of that post, as many other military spouses can too.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

We have not lived near family since my oldest son, who is almost 14, was six months old. We have never really had local family to help us along the way. My kids don’t know our families as well as they could. There are a lot of things they are missing out on because of living far from home.

Some of my friends do live near their family. I see their parents stepping in for different situations. They seem to always have a backup. If dad has to work, and mom has to take one kid to an appointment right when school gets out, a family member can pick up the other kids.

I see how friends can attend family birthday parties, and go out with their parents on Mother’s day, and Father’s day. I see how grandparents go to all the sporting games, school plays, and other events that kids take part in.

While some of our family has been able to come and visit and experience some of that, it hasn’t been the norm.

When I think about all of this, when I think about how our lives would be different if we lived closer to family, I couldn’t help but wonder if I am looking at that through rose colored glasses? Maybe it wouldn’t be as wonderful as I think it would be? Maybe, for my personality, it would drive me nuts? Maybe I am thinking all of this to cope with the fact that it might not ever work out to live near family?

When I was growing up, I wanted to get out and explore other places. I wanted to know what living somewhere else was like. I wanted to experience something completely different. Because of this, I moved about nine hours away from home for college. Then, my husband and I moved to Kentucky in 2005. The Army took us to Germany, and then Tennessee. None of these places are like where I grew up in Southern California.

These days, we have a home here in Tennesse, in a military friendly city, that we usually enjoy living in.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

We are over 2,000 miles from most of our family. And sometimes I like that. 

Don’t get me wrong. I miss my family like crazy. I wish I could be there too most days. To go to my dad’s concerts, to meet up during the week for lunch with my mom, to be there as my brother starts a family. I hate missing so much.

But the reality is, I am not sure what it would be like to live near my family. I have never really done it except for extended trips. I don’t know what it is like to be able to see them all the time or to have such easy access.

Do I get along so well with my family because I don’t live close? Would there be drama if I was? I just don’t know.

So on those days when I am feeling bad because I am not raising my kids near family, I try to think of the positives of this way of life. The quiet Christmas mornings, just our family of five. Being able to parent the way I want without a lot of well-meaning opinions thrown into the mix. Being able to vacation in Southern California vs trying to raise a family. Because I am not even sure how people do that these days and a lot of my friends have moved out of state for cheaper places to live anyway.

Military families can have amazing experiences during their time in the service.

They can live down the road from a castle in Germany. They can be stationed near the beaches of Hawaii. They can live off the California coast, or have the mountains of Colorado as a backdrop. And a lot of these experiences come at the cost of not being able to live near family. Of missing out on too much. Of being the out-of-town people who visit once in a while.

And maybe, in the end, there is no perfect way to do this. Perhaps each type of life comes with its own set of pros and cons. And perhaps those are different based on who you are and what you want in life.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

And when you are raising your kids away from family, you find a way to make things work.

You have to rely on other people, which can be hard, but which can also help you grow relationships you wouldn’t otherwise have. You learn different skills and work to make a good life for your kids, even if extended family isn’t the biggest part. You learn to adjust and figure out a way to make it through.

As for us, I really don’t know what the future holds. Somedays I want to move back to the west coast, and others I am perfectly fine here in Tennessee.

What about you? Have you ever lived near family? Did you like it? Do you dream of a life where you can?

Why the Military Life Isn’t Like Any Other Life

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Why the Military Life Isn’t Like Any Other Life

The military life is a unique life. It just is. Saying it is “just like any other life” doesn’t make any sense.

Why the Military Life Isn't Like Any Other Life

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

I wish my husband hadn’t missed my son’s birth and pretty much his entire first year. Most parents don’t have to do that, and the thought of doing so would be unbelievable. But missing a whole year of a child’s life is not uncommon in the military world.

I wish that none of my friends ever had to PCS. Saying goodbye to your good friends is the worst. While everyone does experience friends moving away, or even moving themselves, the military does so on a regular basis. This is one of the many things we experience as a military spouse.

The Military Life Isn't Like Any Other Life

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

I wish my husband had been able to have been there during the difficult years of adapting to an autism diagnosis. That was such a difficult time for us. My son really did need two parents in the house but he only had one. I did the best that I could, but there was a big loss there, one that was felt by all of us.

I wish so many spouses were not hurting because of a military-related loss. I have friends whose husbands never came home from deployments. I have friends whose husbands came home, only to be completely different people. There are so many military families out there struggling, trying to heal from the wounds of war, whatever they might be.

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

I wish that when war was being talked about I could just ignore it because it didn’t affect me at all. But it does. What the US does overseas affects us, military families, greatly. There is no way to turn that off. We can’t do that like others can. We can’t just ignore it. We worry about war, new wars, and wars we have been in for years.

I am not sure where the idea came from that military life is simply a job, just like any other job. While there are plenty of other difficult jobs out there, each with their own struggles, the military life is a unique life, not like any other. And that is why we have the support systems we do.

As military spouses, we simply can’t go through this life alone. We need our people. Whether our people is a group of friends, a best friend that we can always talk to, or online friends we met through a support group. We reach out because we need to find people who understand what being a military spouse is all about, or at least listen to us as we make our way through this life.

The Military Life Isn't Like Any Other Life

The military affects the whole family. In one way or another.

As a National Guard spouse, I can go for periods of time without thinking about the military. But then, I hear about summer AT dates, or possible deployments. I wash his uniform and I remember every time I had to say goodbye to him while he was wearing it. The military is always there.

When my husband was active duty, deploying over and over, the military was even more so in our lives. When they told us my husband might have to deploy, days before my due date. When he was overseas and the deployment got extended, so he would be gone for over a year.

When duty calls, they must go, and we as spouses support them as they do.

The military is very much a part of our lives, there is no way to deny that. This is a completely different experience than a spouse who works a more typical 9-5 job. The military life is its own beast, for good and for bad.

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

How has your spouse joining the military changed your life? 

 

This Giveaway for Military Spouses is Fantastic

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Five Military Spouses Can Win a Free Event Planning Franchise!

This Giveaway for Military Spouses is Fantastic!

And I wanted to let you all know about it 🙂

Five Military Spouses Can Win a Free Event Planning Franchise!

Merritt Island, FL, April 25, 2018 – EventPrep®, Inc. is launching its inaugural OPERATION: EventPrep® $200,000 Franchise GiveAway for Military Spouses on May 1, 2018, giving five deserving active duty military spouses the opportunity to join the ranks as an EventPrep® franchise owner at no cost.

The job hunt is over for military spouses who have difficulty finding a sustainable job because of frequent Permanent Change of Station (PCS) moves. Home-based event planning franchise EventPrep® is offering a unique opportunity where military spouses can begin a new career in the hospitality industry as a small business owner, providing professional event planning and management services with no territory limitations. The GiveAway ends Monday, September 14, 2018.

“Military spouses are the perfect candidates to become event planning franchise owners,” said Paul Trapp, EventPrep’s Chief Executive Officer and Service Disabled Veteran. “Owning a home-based event planning franchise such as EventPrep® affords military spouses the flexibility to start and keep a new career as they move around the world while using their personal travel experiences and connections as a foundation for growing their business.”

The 2016 Military Lifestyle Survey conducted by the nonprofit Blue Star Families, a military family engagement organization and support network, found that less than half of military families with a civilian spouse earned two incomes and that employment is one of the top issues of concern among active duty spouses.

Five Military Spouses Can Win a Free Event Planning Franchise!

The EventPrep® $200,000 Franchise GiveAway for Military Spouses is open to spouses of active military service members from any of the five branches of the U.S. military (Army, Marine Corps,
Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard). It’s easy to enter!

✓ STEP 1 – Complete Easy Entry Form at www.EventPrepFranchise.com/GiveAway by July 15, 2018.
✓ STEP 2 – Submit on-line Candidate Profile Form by July 25, 2018.
✓ STEP 3 – Top 25 candidates announced on July 31, 2018.
✓ STEP 4 –Top 25 candidates create & submit a 2 minute “Why Me” video and complete a Personality Assessment by August 17, 2018.
✓ STEP 5 – Videos from the Top 10 candidates announced and posted online on August 20, 2018.

America can vote from August 20, 2018 through September 14, 2018.

The five GRAND PRIZE WINNERS of OPERATION: EventPrep® $200,000 Franchise GiveAway for Military Spouses will be announced Monday, September 17, 2018, and each will receive a complimentary EventPrep® franchise valued at $40,000.

The new franchise “recruits” will report for active EventPrep® duty November 4-9, 2018, when they will participate in a 6-day Franchise Training Bootcamp at the EventPrep® national training facility in Northern Virginia. Grand Prize Winners will be reimbursed up to $500 for their travel and provided with complimentary accommodations during the training program. Once training is completed, winners will be armed with all the tools, skills and knowledge they need to begin their journey as a full-service event planning and management small business.

About EventPrep®, Inc.

EventPrep® is a forward-thinking full-service event planning and management company with our corporate headquarters located in Central Florida. Our reach is global and our primary focus is to save our clients, time, money & anxiety while planning unforgettable events. We view ourselves as partners with our customers, our employees, our community & our environment. We are a globally recognized brand name, capitalizing on our in-depth industry experience & leveraging our industry relationships. Our mission is moderate growth, annual profitability & maintaining our sense of humor.

EventPrep® makes the business of event planning and management streamlined, simple and efficient for the client. The EventPrep® franchise is designed to replicate our proven business model into new markets with professionals who exemplify the same motivation to serve and the willingness to go the extra mile for the client. We offer franchisees the systems, support and business model; franchisees bring the willingness to learn, execute and build.

We are a company founded by Veterans and our company philosophies, work ethic, integrity and commitment to service are derived from our time in uniform. We can’t express enough gratitude and thanks to others who have served our great country and the families that support them.

To learn more about how you can be in business for yourself, but not by yourself with an EventPrep®Franchise, visit www.EventPrepFranchise.com. Like EventPrep® on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/EventPrepFranchise/ and LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/company/eventprep-franchise-inc/ and follow EventPrep® on Twitter at @EventPrepFran.

Abbreviated Rules: OPERATION: EventPrep® $200,000 Franchise GiveAway for Military Spouses begins May 1, 2018 at 12:01 a.m. EST and ends September 14, 2018 at 11:59 p.m. EST. Void where prohibited by law. Must be 18 or older at the start of the GiveAway, have a computer and internet connection, be a legal resident of the United States or U.S. Territories, a legal spouse of a member in good standing of one of the five branches of the U.S. military who is on active duty as of the start date of the GiveAway and through the duration of the GiveAway end date. Grand Prize Winners will be given an EventPrep® home-based franchise valued at forty thousand dollars ($40,000). Grand Prize Winners must commit to 10-year ownership of an EventPrep® franchise and attendance at a 6-day Franchisee Training Bootcamp in Northern Virginia. Grand prize winners may be subject to federal, state and local taxes – please consult a tax professional for advice. Only one (1) submission per Candidate.

To enter, complete the online entry form on our website (www.EventPrepFranchise.com/GiveAway). Submissions must comply with the Submission Guidelines in the Official Rules. Only complete, valid submissions will be accepted. Sponsored by EventPrep Franchise, Inc., 266 Via De La Reina, Merritt Island, FL 32953.

See [www.EventPrepFranchise.com/GiveAway] for Complete Official Rules.

Five Military Spouses Can Win a Free Event Planning Franchise!

OPERATION EventPrep $200,000 Franchise GiveAway For Military Spouses

Complete Official Rules

Major GiveAway Dates:
• GiveAway begins at 12:01 a.m. eastern standard time, May 1, 2018.
• Easy Entry Form must be submitted by 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, July 15, 2018.
• Candidate Profile must be submitted by 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, July 25, 2018.
• Top 25 Candidates will be notified by 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, July 31, 2018.
• Top 25 Candidates must submit a “Why Me” video and complete a Personality Assessment by 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, August 17, 2018.
• Top 10 Candidates will have their video submission posted online by 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, August 20, 2018 for America to vote.
• Online voting closes and GiveAway ends at 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, September 14, 2018.
• Top 5 Grand Prize Winners will be announced by 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, September 17, 2018.

Qualifications: Must be 18 or older at the start of the GiveAway, have a computer and internet connection, be a legal resident of the United States or U.S. Territories, a legal spouse of a member in good standing of one of the five branches of the U.S. military who is on active duty as of 12:01 a.m. eastern standard time, May 1, 2018 and throughout the duration of the GiveAway until 11:59 p.m. eastern standard time, September 17, 2018.

Submission and Notification Methods: Participants shall submit their Easy Entry Form and Candidate Profile via the OPERATION EventPrep Franchise GiveAway web portal. Top 25 Candidates shall submit a “Why Me” video via email to freefranchise@eventprep.com which includes a link to the Candidates video that has been posted on YouTube.com. Top 25 Candidates shall access the Personality Assessment via email from freefranchise@eventprep.com which includes a secure link to their individual Personality Assessment form. Confirmation receipts will be emailed to Candidates from freefranchise@eventprep.com upon receipt of the following: Easy Entry Form, Candidate Profile, “Why Me” video and Personality Assessment.

Prizes: Each Grand Prize Winner will be given one (1) EventPrep® home-based franchise valued at forty thousand dollars ($40,000). Each Grand Prize Winner will be provided an EventPrep® Franchise Disclosure Document and Franchise Agreement and allowed no less than fifteen (15) calendar days to review the documents. The documents outline proprietary details of the EventPrep® business model including a 10-year commitment to own an EventPrep® home-based franchise and attendance at a 6-day Franchisee Training Bootcamp in Northern Virginia. Each Grand Prize Winner will be reimbursed up to five hundred dollars ($500) for travel and meal expenses to attend the Franchisee Training Bootcamp November 4-9, 2018. Hotel accommodations during the Franchisee Training Bootcamp shall be provided to each Grand Prize Winner as complimentary.

Legal: Void where prohibited by law. Only one (1) submission per Candidate. Submissions must comply with the Submission Guidelines in the Official Rules. Only complete, valid submissions will be accepted. Sponsored by EventPrep Franchise, Inc., 266 Via De La Reina, Merritt Island, FL 32953. Grand prize winners may be subject to federal, state and local taxes – please consult a tax professional for advice.

 

For the Military Spouse, When The Deployment Begins

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For the Military Spouse, When The Deployment Begins

When the deployment orders come, and the bags start getting packed, we watch, we cry, we understand that this is what they signed up for.

To leave, to deploy, to go too far away and do what they are trained to do.

For the Military Spouse, When The Deployment Begins

When the deployment begins, we start the countdown, we think about the days ahead, we find ways to power through.

We look at our children, we know this will be hard for them too, but we power on, we know this is what we have to do.

We know that deployments don’t last forever, but we also know that the days between saying goodbye and hello again will always seem too long.

We may have been through a deployment before, but that won’t make this deployment any easier.

When the deployment begins, we hope that this time we won’t have as many breakdowns.

That this time we will figure out the right mix of busy, and that we will get through better than the last time.

We know that we have friends we can depend on, but we worry they won’t truly understand. What if this deployment is the one that breaks us? What if even a friend’s hug and a friend’s ear won’t be enough?

We hope that we can help others because we have been through this all before. But we also know that we will have our share of difficult days, that doesn’t stop just because this isn’t the first time we had to say goodbye.

When the deployment begins, we start our daily prayers.

Worrying that they won’t be enough. Worrying that nothing we can do can ensure they will come back when they are supposed to come back.

We try not to think about all that. We try to think about how brave our spouse is and how amazing life can be to be married to someone who serves in the military.

We are proud of them. Proud that they signed up. Proud that they will deploy. Proud that they put on the uniform to help protect our country.

For the Military Spouse, When The Deployment Begins

When the deployment begins, we walk around our home, knowing that everything from their smile to their dirty laundry will be missed during the next few months.

We know that this deployment is just one of our struggles. That this deployment isn’t coming at a good time, but we also wonder if there would ever be a good time for us to say goodbye for nine months.

We understand why they have to go, sorta. Not everything makes sense, but we know that there is a mission and a reason for them to have to go where they have to go.

We make plans with friends, we join groups, we stay busy. We do this because we know how much it works, we do this because we have to.

When the deployment begins, we walk around in a fog, but thankfully that only lasts for a couple of days.

We soon figure out how to carry on, how to get up and get moving, how to find ways to thrive, even in the mist of surviving.

We plan care packages, we write love letters, and we plan for the future.

We think about after the deployment, when things will be normal again, and then wonder how normal they will be after yet another deployment.

When the deployment begins, we don’t have any idea about how we will grow during this time apart.

We hope that we can become stronger so that in the future this won’t be so hard.

We know that even if we do become strong through this deployment, that we will always struggle when we say goodbye to our husband or wife.

We know that starting a deployment is never going to be easy.

For the Military Spouse, When The Deployment Begins

When the deployment begins, life can seem upside down.

We now have a new normal to figure out. One that won’t be easy. One that might not even make any sense.

We can work hard to keep things the same, especially for the kids. But this doesn’t always work, you know there is something missing.

We can do our best to stay positive through everything, but some days we will just want to cry, and we need to remind ourselves that crying is okay to do sometimes.

When the deployment begins, we can look ahead at the time apart and take advantage of what it has to offer.

We can work on ourselves, we can work on our hobbies, we can go to school, we can start a new job, we can do so many things that might be harder to accomplish when they are home.

We can find the benefits to this situation, even though a deployment has plenty to get upset about.

We tell ourselves that we are going to kick Murphy’s law to the curb, and then laugh because of how crazy things get anyway.

When the deployment begins, we have the choice to make plans to make it through or walk away. 

We might not know how we are going to handle this, but we know that we want to because we love our service member and as a military spouse we know this is what we have to do.

The truth is, to get through a deployment, we need to figure out what works for us.

We can make lists; we can make plans, we can figure things out so that the days will go by and we can deal with whatever comes our way.

For the Military Spouse, When The Deployment Begins

If you have just started a deployment, think about everything you would need to help you get through. Reach out to other spouses and find people to depend on. Know that you are not the only one feeling like you are feeling right now. Deployments can be rough. But you will be able to find ways to get through, even if you have to take things one day at a time.

Looking for more deployment blog posts? 

15 Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

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15 Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

15 Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Military life is a world of its own. From navigating deployments to moving every few years. What better way to explain military life than in a meme.

Here are 15 memes that explain what military life is really like:

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Seriously! Some days have you crying in your pillow, that is just the way things go. Luckily, not every day is like that.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

The pre-deployment period is never easy. You might end up fighting a lot and not even sure why. Both of you are stressed, and as much as you hate saying so, you are ready for them to go. Only because you want to start your deployment countdown to get them back home.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Sometimes you just have to say the truth, deployments suck.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Don’t feel like you have to be the perfect military spouse. For one thing, they don’t exist. For another, you will burn yourself out trying. Just be yourself as much as possible. It’s okay to ask for help, cry into your pillow, or just rethink the way you are going to get through deployments.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Over time we get more used to saying goodbye for longer periods. They are not always easy, but we do know that saying goodbye for months at a time can be the norm in our military lives.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Wine. It’s what gets you through. Is there ever enough?

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Keep the lines of communication as open as you can, even if that means writing letters and emails. You won’t always be able to talk in person or on the phone, but you can still work on your relationship. Military marriage brings up extra stresses that other couples don’t have to deal with, but if you put your marriage first, that will go a long way in helping the two of you stay connected through the miles.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

We all need friends, even if it takes us some time to make them.
Keep putting yourself out there, and you will find your tribe. 

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

You never know how strong you are until you have to go through something you didn’t think you could. This is so true for deployments and other parts of military life. We go through things we didn’t think we would ever have to go through. We do it because we love our service member and want to support them as a military spouse.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

There is always so much debate about OPSEC in military spouse circles. Should you say this, should you say that? But in the end, just be careful and if you are not sure if you should post about something, lean on the side of not posting it.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

We, military spouses, love those 5-minute phone calls because they are better than no phone calls. Although, a 45-minute photo call is even better.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

How many times have we been asked for our spouse’s SSN? Do you even still remember yours?

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Binge watching is an excellent way to get through those lonely deployment nights. After the kids go to bed, the nights can get quite lonely. Turn on a new show and get to binging.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

Saying goodbye is never easy. Here are some tips to help you if you have to say goodbye to your spouse.

 

Memes That Explain What Military Life is Really Like

One thing that can help you through this crazy military life is knowing that you are not alone. You are not the only one going through a deployment. You are not the only one that has to move away from their hometown to a place across the country. You are not the only one who has to move right when you have found your best friends.

Enjoy these memes and remember, you got this military life! 

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

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To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

In January of 2012, after a few months of testing, our middle son was diagnosed with Autism. At the time he was given the diagnosis of Asperger’s which they have since stopped doing. If he were diagnosed today, he would have gotten the “high-functioning Autism” diagnosis.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With AutismThat day we found out what was going on with our son, and how we could help him. My biggest fear when we started the testing and doctor’s appointments was that they would come back and say they couldn’t see anything was wrong. Why? Because I knew something clearly was and I knew getting that diagnosis would help us understand how we could help our son.

At that time in our lives, we were not a stranger to special needs kids.

Our oldest son had been diagnosed with a developmental delay when he was three. We knew about speech and OT and special needs preschool. We were also pretty confident that our son would grow out of his delay, which he has. Autism is a different story.

You don’t grow out of Autism. Autism is something you have for your entire life. But that doesn’t mean that a person diagnosed with Autism can’t learn and grow as a person either. It simply means that Autism will be something they work through for the rest of their lives.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

We started ABA with our son right away, and that helped us be able to navigate through our son’s behaviors, set him up for school, and allowed us to get that extra help and support we needed to figure out this new normal for our lives.

Right now our son is 11 and will be starting middle school next fall. This completely freaks me out. I am not sure how things are going to go. We have an excellent team at the elementary school, many of them have worked with our son since he was five years old and started kindergarten. We already have a meeting scheduled at the middle school this spring, and I just have to have faith that everything will work out for him.

As I look back on the last six years or so, I can’t help but think about all we have been through.

And while we were working with our son, figuring out what is best for him, working with ABA and the schools, we were living this crazy military life too. My husband deployed again in 2013, and I think part of the reason that deployed shook me so much was that I knew I would be the solo parent carrying for my son, as well as his brothers. At the time, he was struggling a lot with school, and it was hard enough when my husband was home. This is just one of the many challenges a military spouse is going to have when they have a spouse in the military.

So, to the military spouse whose child has just been diagnosed with autism, I know how scared you might be. For months, maybe even years you may have been wondering what is going on with your son or daughter. You may have had to fight for your doctor to even take you seriously. You might feel lost not knowing how to truly help your child.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

And once you receive that diagnosis, you might be worried about how things are going to go in the future.

Everything you thought about parenting a child has been turned on its head. You thought you were getting on a plane to “Italy” and now you are in “Holland” and not sure how to make everything work. This is normal.

Don’t beat yourself up if it takes you or your spouse some time to fully accept the diagnosis. No one walks out of that doctor’s appointment knowing exactly what to do or what the diagnosis even means. That takes some time.

Before your child was diagnosed with autism, you might not have ever heard of the term EFMP (The Exceptional Family Member Program,) but now, that term is going to be a big part of your life when your spouse is in the military. EFMP is the program that is supposed to help your child get the services they need during your time in the military.

EFMP will make sure that you don’t get stationed somewhere without services for children with Autism.

While this can be a bit frustrating at times, especially when it comes to your spouse’s career in the military, EFMP is something you need to keep updated. Any military family who gets orders for an OCONUS location will also have to go through the EFMP screening too.

As you start to become more comfortable with Autism, you will start to notice something. One child with Autism is one child with Autism. It is called the Autism spectrum for a reason. Not everyone with that diagnosis is the same.

While there are traits that kids on the spectrum share, each kid on the spectrum can be different. My son had no issues with speech. While his older brother struggled, that wasn’t one of the things I worried about with him when he was a toddler and young preschooler.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

As you tell people about the diagnosis, you might get some interesting responses.

From people who are trying to help to people who are very uneducated about what having a child on the spectrum means. At some point, you might start to feel like everyone has an opinion about what you should do for your child. But here is the thing, you are the parent, you are the one that decides.

You are the one that has to make the choices. You are the one that lives with your son or daughter and any choice you have to make. So don’t be afraid to ignore lousy advice or to tell people you are doing what you think is best even though it is different from what they would do if they were in your shoes.

Find supportive friends and spend more time with them.

Over the years we have had friends that have opened my son and our family into their lives and understand that he struggles with certain things other kids don’t. During deployments, these friends were even more important. I didn’t have another parent in the house to help; their kindness helped me through those times when I didn’t think I could do it anymore.

As a military spouse, you know that sometimes your service member will have to deploy or be away from you for weeks or months at a time. A diagnosis of Autism isn’t going to keep them home. I know how hard this can be and how overwhelmed you can feel.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

Look for help. Look for respite. Find good child care providers that can help you.

Go to a church that gets it and wants to help instead of one that simply wants to shame your child. Reach out to family members who may be willing to stay with you for a while. Know that reaching out for extra help isn’t a weakness and will be your best bet in getting through all of this.

Know that you are not the only one with a special needs child in the military. There are so many of us out there, and we all want the same thing. We want to help our children, we want the best for them, and we want to figure out how to do all of that within the military system.

Here are some additional resources to help you as you navigate autism within your military world as well as a few military spouse bloggers that also have kids on the Autism spectrum:

Military Special Needs Network

Singing Through the Rain: Military Life & Special Needs

EFMP + Special Needs with the National Military Spouse Family Association

American Military Families Autism Support

Life Journey Through Autism: A Guide for Military Families

Military One Source 

Airing My Laundry

Autism Speaks

Advocating for ABA TRICARE Policy Change

Why Autism Awareness Matters

MilKids Education Consulting 

Do you have a child with autism too?

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

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The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Did you know there are quite a few Facebook groups for military spouses that are free for you to join and gain support from? As a military spouse, finding good support is so important. Whether you want a place to vent about a difficult deployment day, get advice on how best to stretch your paycheck, or to find people to help you achieve your goals.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Facebook has been the place to go to find this type of support. On Facebook, you can find your friends, make new friends, connect with others, and join Facebook groups based on a wide range of topics.

Finding a good Facebook group will give you a place to connect with others you have something in common with. You can get to know people in the group and help encourage one another. As military spouses, you know how important this can be.

Here is a big list of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses:

The Jo, My Gosh! Community– This is a drama free group for fans of the blog, Jo, My Gosh, where you can find military spouse support.

The Inspired Women Community-This is a positive community, founded by Megan Hall, host of The Inspired Women Podcast.

Mil-Blogging Buddies– Run by Kristen Smith, this is a group for bloggers in the military community, to gain support and share ideas. If you are a military spouse blogger, you should be in this Facebook group for tips and support.

Blog Your Genius Community– This community is also run by Kristen Smith and can offer you extra advice about your blog and what you could be doing to grow it.

MilSpouse Village– A brand new community for Military spouses and significant others, trying to make military life work together.

MilitaryBridge– This group is connected with MilitaryBridge that helps connect the military community to the best local, national and online Military Discounts, Military-Friendly Businesses, Reviews, and Resources.

Military Spouse Living-This group is through the site, Military Spouse Living, to ask questions, share deals, and more.

NGMS Happy Hour– This is a group connected to the NextGen MilSpouse Happy Hour Podcast, apart of the NextGen website.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Military Family Support Group– This group is run by Stars and Stripes Doulas, helping military families through pregnancy and beyond.

InDependent– InDependent has a mission to help connect military spouses to local health and wellness resources. They have some local Facebook groups in different areas for you to join.

Army Wife 101– Army Wife 101 has a Facebook group too, as well as a local group for those at Fort Bragg.

The Work from Anywhere Business™ Club– Run by Kayla Roof, this facebook group is perfect for military spouses who want to a run a business from anywhere.

MilSpouse Creative ™– This Facebook group is for MilSpouse Creative Entrepreneurs, hosted by Moni Jefferson.

The Financially Ready Military Spouse– This is another new Facebook group for military spouses connected to the site, Her Money Moves.

PCSing with Property Mommies– This Facebook group is all about PCSing. They also have a Military Relator Referral group.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Life Support & Encouragement– This group is run by the blog, Singing Through the Rain and offers you extra support for life’s challenges.

Military Moves Us – PCS to DC– If you are moving to the DC area, this group is going to be perfect for you.

Freedom’s Ring USA FRiends-This group is connected to Freedom’s Ring USA in hopes of connecting people around the world to help with their shared mission.

Military Housing Network– The Military Housing Network has a few local groups to choose from to help make friends and find connections.

The Military Dollar Community– This group is connected to Military Dollar to talk about personal finance.

The Seasoned Spouse– The Seasoned Spouse has a free Facebook group all about preparing for a deployment, you will just need to sign up on her site.

SpaceATheWorld– If you are interested in using Space-A, here is a Facebook group all about that. Get tips and help others plan their own trips.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Mighty Parenting– This is another brand new group based on the new Mighty Parenting podcast. Real talk about raising teens and parenting young adults.

Military Town Advisor-This is a group for the website, Military Town Advisor, and for military families looking for off-post advice.

MilKids Ed K-12 Parent Support Group– If you have school-aged kids, you will want to join this group. This group is connected to the MilKids Ed website.

She Is Fierce Community– This group is connected to the She Is Fierce blog, and offers community support.

Military Families Saving Money– This group about saving money is connected to the Foxtrot & Pennies blog and is for military spouses to help save money and use the resources they have access to in order to do so.

Military Wife and Mom – Community Hangout– This group is connected to the Military Wife and Mom and offers support for military spouses.

Career Military Spouses-This group is a safe place for military spouses to gain career advice, ask questions or share about what they have learned through their own career journey.

Military Spouse Networking– This group is for active duty, veteran, widowed, divorced, reserve, and National Guard spouses and partners to network and share about jobs and what they are doing in the community.

From Boots to Wingtips– This group is to help you navigate from the military back to the civilian world.

Marketing/Social Media Tips for Military-Focused Businesses & Entrepreneurs- Jenny Hale’s group is for military spouse and veteran entrepreneurs with military-themed businesses where they chat all things marketing and social media.

Military Travelers in Japan– This group is for members of the U.S. military community (active duty, retirees, and spouses) who are interested in traveling to Japan. From the Poppin’ Smoke blog.

In addition to these amazing group, you should make sure to join my own Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Community group. In there you can talk about your military life, encourage others, ask questions, and enjoy my blog posts. I also have a few spin-off groups that might interest you too. Surviving Deployment with Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, SWCL Share Your Business, Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Military Spouse Memes, and SWCL Community Bloggers & Writers.

Do you have a Facebook group for military spouses? Are you in one you absolutely adore? Let me know what it is and if it is a good fit I can add it to the list:) 

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

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To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

With a new year brings a lot of promise. We can’t help but think of all the things we will achieve, all the ways we will grow, and all the fun we will have. But for those with a deployment in the near future, things aren’t quite as exciting. Instead of looking ahead to the potential a new year can bring, there is dread. Instead of being happy about the new year, there is sadness, thinking about everything their spouse will miss.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

If you are a military spouse starting your first deployment this year, know that what you are feeling is normal. Deployments are scary, and if you have never been through one before, you have no idea what to expect. You might be worried you won’t be able to make it through, you might be concerned your children will not understand, you might not see how you can say goodbye to the person you promised your life to.

The reality of saying goodbye for a deployment is that somehow, you do it. You drive them to where they need to go, you hug and kiss goodbye, and then you go home. And while you might do all of this with tears in your eyes, you will somehow find yourself in a place where you are ready to take on the months ahead.

So, to the military spouse starting your first deployment this year, make sure you are prepared for when they leave.

Figure out what you might need to make it through the time apart. Talk to your spouse about expectations, how to handle your finances, and anything else that is important to the two of you. You can never be 100% prepared for a deployment, but you can do things to make the transition a little easier.

Make sure to figure out a way to make friends at your current duty station.

I know that making friends is hard to do. Not everyone is nice. Not everyone gets you. But finding at least a couple of people to go through this deployment with will make the deployment easier. You will have people to walk through this hardship with and that is a good thing. Get out there and connect with groups and events at your duty station. They might have a lot going on that you can take part in and eventually meet people who will become your friends.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

If you have an FRG, try to connect with them.

FRGs are not always the best, there can be a lot of drama, but sometimes the FRG is going to be the place to go to get through this. These are the spouses that doing EXACTLY what you are doing, for the same amount of time. If nothing else, maybe you can find a few other spouses through the FRG to meet for coffee once a week or get your kids together for a playdate. Don’t write off the FRG before a deployment just because you have heard they can have issues.

Buy a journal, write in it often.

Writing in your journal can be an excellent way to express yourself during the upcoming deployment. The journal would be a place to vent out about a bad day, complain about whatever is bothering you, and write our your feelings on everything that is going on. No one has to read what you write, not even your spouse. The journal is just for you and having one can be a good tool to have during your deployment.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

Once the deployment starts, you can begin your countdown.

One day down means another day closer to them being home. There is something about the pre-deployment period that makes life difficult. You are both so stressed out about what is going to happen, that sometimes, once they leave and your countdown begins, you can feel a lot more in control of the situation. Know that no matter how many deployment days you see ahead of you, each day is a step forward and getting through each day can be a cause for celebration.

As you look at the rest of your year, not sure how things are going to go, know that there is support out there for you and your situation. From blog posts to websites, to books, to Facebook groups, to groups at your duty station. From a good friend you can hang out with a few times a week to a family member, you can call on your hardest days. Find the support that works for you and know that deployments eventually end and your spouse will be back with you again.

What are your best tips for getting through a deployment?