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For the Military Spouse

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For The Military Spouse

For the Military Spouse…

For the spouse who is getting ready for her first deployment…

For the spouse who is getting ready for his fifth deployment…

For the spouse who has to tell his kids, that mommy misses them…

For the spouse who can’t wait until bedtime to have a good cry and some me time…

For the spouse who writes letter after letter and stands in very long lines to send a package over there…

For the spouse who has to take a back seat to a very demanding career…

For the spouse that loves being a SAHM while her husband serves in the military…

For the spouse that works her own career right along with her husband…

For the spouse who served in the past…

For the spouse who currently serves too…

For the spouse who can’t sleep a wink the night before homecoming…

For the spouse who has to drive her husband back to the airport, kiss him goodbye and figure out how to get through the rest of a deployment after R&R…

For the spouse who sits in a lonely house waiting for a phone call…

For the spouse who gets on an airplane alone with her three young children just to take them to Grandma’s for the summer…

For the spouse who gathers with friends to get through a deployment…

For the spouse that has to say goodbye to friends to move to a new duty station…

For the spouse, that has to make new friends…

For the spouse who gets a phone call that something went wrong…

For the spouse worried about the knock on the door…

For the spouse that has received a knock on the door…

For the spouse that doesn’t want to be a military spouse anymore…

For the spouse that doesn’t ever want her husband to leave the military…

For the spouse that is counting down the days until he will ETS…

For the spouse that is on the other side of the country from everything she has ever known…

For the spouse that was able to stay close to home for her husband’s first assignment…

For the spouse who has trouble making friends…

For the spouse who stays behind when everyone else is moving away…

For the spouse who has to stay behind so her son can finish high school…

For the spouse who gives birth without her husband…

For the spouse that grew up in the military…

For the spouse who never thought the military would be a part of her life…

For every spouse from every time period. You are amazing. You do great things. You are stronger than you think you are. You are one of the few and without you, the military would be a very different type of place. You do things others never have to think about. You cry, you vent, you laugh and you smile. You do the best that you can so that you can support your spouse.

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Month!

 

I Am Not A Perfect Military Spouse

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There she is. She is always dressed so nicely. No yoga pants for this lady. She always brings the best food to every potluck. She is always there to help and always there with a smile. She never looks stressed and she never has to worry about her kids acting up. She is her husband’s #1 fan and no matter what happens in military life, she answers with a smile. A deployment? No problem. A move in the middle of the school year? She has got this. She never complains and rarely sheds a tear. She was made for this life. This perfect military spouse.

I Am Not A Perfect Military Spouse

Is she the person we are supposed to look up to? She is the one we should all be like, right? I am going to say NO! The idea of a perfect military spouse is frustrating. She might not even exist because even if someone appears that way, we don’t know what struggles they are probably going through at home. No, I am not a perfect military spouse and I don’t want to be one. I am me and I bring what I can to this lifestyle.

Deployments

I support my husband’s career but I hate deployments. I could never understand why my husband had to keep deploying. Even though I knew that was such a part of this life. I just wanted my husband home with us, was that too much to ask?

Potluck Foods

If there is a potluck I might make something but usually I am running to the store to pick up something easy. It really just depends  and I don’t want to be a flake but that is just the way these things go. I would love to be able to find something good on Pinterest and make an amazing dish but I always seem to fall short on that.

Volunteering

I want to be a good spouse and volunteer but my issue is my schedule and my kids. What can I do that wouldn’t be too stressful and would allow me to bring my kids? What can I add to my schedule? What can I do to give back that works for my family? The whole thing is very overwhelming for me. I have been able to find ways to volunteer within organizations like PWOC and MOPS which is great. I just wish I could do a bit more but maybe that will have to wait until a less crazy busy time in my life.

Clean House

I try to keep my house clean but the socks and the stickers and the dishes. Oh, my! With three boys, staying on top of things can be so difficult, even with them helping with some of the chores. I keep having to figure out new cleaning schedules and ways of getting everything done. I am beginning to think that some people were meant for spotless homes and others were not.

My Husband’s Job

When my husband has been deployed, I don’t want to know what he is doing until he is back home and the deployment is over. I can handle hearing about his dangerous job a little more when what he has done is in the past. People would ask me what he was doing over there and I really didn’t know more than just a general idea of his job. And that’s okay. Some spouses don’t know anything about what their husbands do because of security reasons. That’s okay too.

I Did The Best I Could

Over the years, I can honestly say I have done the best I could do. Solo parenting has been the hardest part. I cringe when I hear people say they never had a hard time as a military spouse or that we have no right to complain because we picked this life. Yes, we picked this life but when doing so we really had no idea what it was going to be like. And each member of the military can have such different experiences during their military careers. No one knows what military life will really be like going in.

So…whether you are new to being a military spouse or have been one for many years, never feel like you have to be the perfect military spouse. Be who you are and know that you have your own strengths.

You might not make a good potluck meal but you know how to fix your husband’s favorite food the day before he deploys. You might not have a super clean house but your house is always warm and comfortable to hang out at. Your kids might fight more than they should but they know they are loved and get to experience a lot of great things during their time as military children.

There is a lot that every military spouse can offer and that is a big asset to the military.

Have you struggled with trying to be the perfect military spouse? Can you let that go?

When Your Spouse Has A Dangerous Job

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Sitting in the pre-deployment briefing before a deployment is surreal. You think you are ready for the deployment, but the reality is different emotions and feelings come up.

When they start to talk about what could happen and what the military will do if the worst does in fact happen can cause anyone to go into a panic. Knowing that your husband, your soul mate is going off to war and will be spending months in a very dangerous job isn’t something you can easily come to terms with.

When Your Spouse Has A Dangerous Job

You have to know the process too. You can’t stick your head in the sand about this. You have to know what will happen if your spouse isn’t going to make it home. You have to understand what will happen if your spouse gets injured or if you have an emergency back at home and you need to contact them.

You need to make sure they have an updated will and that all the right paperwork is filled out. These are the types of things that will come up in a pre-deployment briefing. They want you to be prepared and know what you will need to do if anything does happen when your spouse is deployed.

When you see them off, when they leave, when the deployment becomes real, there is a sense of fear that can stop you in your tracks if you let it. The key is to figure out methods to be able to deal with the fact that your spouse has a dangerous job. This isn’t just something military spouses have to do. Others have to do this when they are married to police officers, firefighters or any other job that can put their life at risk.

I wanted to share what worked for me and how I was able to come to terms with my husband having a dangerous job. For as hard as deployments were for me, this part of being deployed wasn’t where I struggled. Somehow I was able to get through my deployments without letting this fear overtake me.

Here are some things to keep in mind when your spouse has a dangerous job:

The News

The standard advice is to avoid the news, but I am going to say that depends very much on your personally. Some people need to watch the news to feel safer. Some are not bothered by watching the news at all.

Others have to stay away from the news altogether. You know yourself; you know what will set you off. If watching the news makes you more scared and worried about your spouse, don’t look at the news. Walk away from that until they come home.

Prayers

Relying on your faith traditions is important during a deployment. For me, that meant always praying and believing that I would be taken care of no matter what happened to my husband. Knowing that I had so many praying for him helped as well. Knowing that God was there, even in time of war was important.

Find your faith during the months your spouse is away and depend on it. Even if you are not super religious, you do believe in something so use that when things feel like they are falling apart and you are not sure you can handle your spouse being in a war zone. Meditate, pray and depend on others to help you through.

Preparing

I remember telling a non-military friend about how I didn’t think I would ever be emotionally prepared if something happened to my husband overseas but I was going to be as financially prepared as possible. I wanted to know what would happen to us. How we would live and what we would live on.

I wanted everything set and a plan in my head. This helped me feel better about everything and allowed me to stop dwelling on the what-ifs and focus on what I needed to do each day when he was gone.

Talking About It

Talking about all of this with others who are also going through a deployment can help. When my husband was deployed, I talked with my other Army wife friends about what we would do if something happened to our husbands.

We talked about the difficulties we might encounter with different family members or how our career plans would change. This was helpful because doing so allowed us to know we were not alone. Talking about your fears with others who understand them can be very therapeutic.

In the end, know that you are not alone in your worry. Worrying about your spouse going to a dangerous place and doing dangerous things is normal. However, you don’t have to let your fear overtake you to the point where you can’t live your life. You can prepare and do what you can to be able to get through the time they are over there.

How do you control your fear during a deployment? What has worked best when you have a spouse with a dangerous job?

The Military Spouse Superpower You Can’t Live Without

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The Military Spouse Superpower You Can't Live WithoutThe Military Spouse Superpower You Can’t Live Without

My husband was going to be home in June. He had left the August before. It was April, and the weather in Germany was slowly warming up. If you have ever been through a longer deployment, you know how important the change of seasons can be. My husband left the end of summer which quickly turned to fall and then winter. Now that the weather was warming up, the deployment was coming to an end. Two months to go.

So, what does a military spouse do with just TWO months left of deployment? She looks for a cute homecoming outfit. Since he would be coming home in June, I wanted to get a summer dress. I wanted something fun and comfortable. I went online and finally found my dress. I didn’t hit order. I am not sure why. I just didn’t. I wanted to sleep on the decision or wait a few days to make sure I wanted that dress.

The next day, everything changed. They were no longer coming home in June. They told us October with whispers of that really meaning November. I was heartbroken. I was thankful I didn’t order that dress. The dress would have just been a reminder of what had happened. My husband’s deployment was extended. He ended up coming home the day before Thanksgiving. That was not summer. That was not the day in June we thought he would be home.

At the time, I was crushed. If this happened today, I would still be crushed. Nothing can prepare you for something like that.

But as the years have gone on, I have figured out more and more that flexibility is a must as a military spouse. Flexibility needs to become your superpower. It needs to be something you take with you through each deployment, each duty station and each step of military life.

Things will never go the way you think they should go. They won’t even go the way they say they are supposed to at first. You will be told one thing, plan for that and then something else will happen.

Military life is having a plan. Then a new plan. Then another plan. Then the first plan. Then a brand new plan only to go back to the 2nd plan.

 

When plans change as they do in military life, you have to be flexible. You have to be able to shake things off and roll with what is going on. This does not mean you have to be happy all the time or look forward to all the changes, it just means you have to come up with a way to be flexible and a way to deal with all the changes that will come.

Here are some ideas:

Talk Things Out

Find a good friend you can talk to about what you are dealing with. Whether you are waiting on orders for a PCS or waiting to hear when your spouse is actually going to deploy, talking things out with a good friend is the best thing to do. Most likely they have been there or will be there someday too so they can relate to your struggles. Be a good friend and allow your people to talk to you about what they are going through. Find friends who won’t just tell you to deal but who can help you become more flexible.

Write In Your Journal

A journal or diary is such a great idea. I have been keeping one since I was in high school. Whenever you are frustrated or upset about a change, write in your journal. Get your feelings all out there. Trust me, that will help. You can also go back through old entries to remind yourself how things worked out in the past. This can help you in the future.

Expect That Things Might Change

If you expect that there could be changes, you will be able to handle them a little easier. You will know not to put all your eggs in one basket. The problem I have is that I am a planner and I want everything done as soon as possible. If you told me we are going to PCS somewhere, I wanted to go online right away and research everything. Even if we didn’t have orders in hand. Taking a step back and waiting until things are for sure is difficult.

The Military Spouse Superpower You Can't Live WithoutYour Military Spouse Superpower

I think as a military spouse you must have superpowers. Traits that will get you through anything. You might not be born with these superpowers; you might need to develop them over time. Flexibility is one of these and without it, your military spouse journey is going to be a lot more difficult. If flexibility doesn’t come naturally to you, work on that. Understand you will need to know how to be flexible during your life as a military spouse and even after. Learning this skill will help you for the rest of your life.

Do you struggle with flexibility? What has helped you along the way?

 

The Hardest Working Man

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Old Spice

My husband. After 10 years as an active duty soldier is now a part of the National Guard. This means he has two jobs. Monday through Friday he works outside at his regular job. Once a month he puts on his uniform and does his Army job.  Both jobs are pretty demanding and he works hard juggling both. He started a new job in March and after his first week he had drill. That was a long week for us but he did it without complaining.

Old Spice

 

Old Spice
On the weekends, we always try to spend some time as a family. This last weekend we went to a local park. My husband loves sports so he had a good time playing with the football and soccer ball in the big green belt. He is so good with the boys, always has been. I am so lucky to have that in a husband.

Whether he is working at his regular job, going to drill or home with his family, he is doing what he can to be there for us.

Old spice

 

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He was very excited to see the Old Spice Tool box kit with the Hardest Working  Collection come to our house. He has been a fan of Old Spice for a while. We both love how it smells and the names of the different scents that they come up with are perfect. Lasting Legend? Stronger Swagger? Fresher Fiji? Love them!

Old Spice

With the new Hardest Working Collection, Old Spice is taking performance up a notch. They will be offering the highest-performing Old Spice anti-perspirants and body washes in the world. Delivering Legendary protection for the Legendary man. The anti-perspirants protect from odor and sweat with body washes that don’t dry out the skin. Leaving it clean after a hard days work.

The Hardest Working Collection products are available at retailers nationwide. You can also download coupons to help save you money at Coupons.com.

Odor Blocker Anti‐Perspirant/Deodorant

The Odor Blocker is Old’s Spice’s most powerful invisible solid anti‐perspirant/deodorant, delivering legendary performance through stronger and longer sweat protection than its other collections and a 50 percent increase in BCD odor fighting technology that only Old Spice can claim. Odor Blocker’s unique invisible solid anti‐perspirant formula forms better plugs to protect against sweat.

Old Spice

Dirt Destroyer Body Wash

The Dirt Destroyer is Old Spice’s most powerful body wash, offering 15 percent more cleansers, a 30 percent thicker formula and 20 percent more scent. Its thicker formula delivers a thick, dirt‐eliminating lather and less down the drain resulting in a better overall shower experience.

Old Spice

The 1-800-PROVE-IT Challenge

Check out the 1-800-PROVE-IT challenge. Old Spice is so confident in the Hardest Working Collection, the product is backed with a money‐back guarantee, as seen in a series of humorous digital infomercials hosted by Product King® Bob Giovanni. If you use the Hardest Working Collection and the products do not live up to your standards, you can call 1‐800‐PROVE‐IT for a full refund. Just call the line, and Bob Giovanni himself will provide further instructions. Pretty cool, huh?

Did you see the tool box we received? Stay tuned for a future giveaway where you can win one for your hardest working man 🙂

Don’t forget to follow the hashtag: #smellegendary to learn more!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Old Spice (P&G). The opinions and text are all mine.

The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

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The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

“You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have…Military life?” Totally! You see as hard as military life can be sometimes, as stressful as this life can be, there are good things that can happen. Great and wonderful things worth talking about. Here is my list of the 5 best things that can happen to a military spouse.

 

Getting Stationed Where You Want

There is nothing better than getting the notice that you get to PCS where you want to go. Whether that is a beloved overseas location or just being able to live an hour from home. You feel like you won the jackpot. So many times in your spouse’s career you won’t get what you want but when you do it is a good feeling. So if you do get those orders, throw a party and start researching your new home. Don’t feel guilty and enjoy this. You never know where else the military will send you and this might be the one time you get to be excited about it.

Deployment Gets Cancelled

This hasn’t ever happened to us. It might be a unicorn but deployments will get moved around and sometimes they might even get cancelled. Or your find out your spouse doesn’t have to go. If you are in pre-deployment mode and are trying to come to terms with having to say goodbye, a cancelled deployment will make your day. You will want to shout from the rooftops and celebrate the fact that things can be magical, even in military life. And if you are one of those spouses that has been waiting for years for your husband to deploy, consider yourselves lucky.

Amazing Housing

For the first two years we were in Germany we were in a two bedroom stairwell apartment. It was a nice little home but we outgrew it quickly. We moved to another post in Germany and were given a four bedroom duplex. I remember when we first got there and I walked through the house. I cried. It was lovely and so spacious compared to what we had before. We had our own laundry room and two yards. It was amazing. If you have ever been in not so great military housing you know how awesome it can be when you love your new housing. It’s a great feeling to be able to love the home you were issued.

Making Best Friends

When you go through a deployment with someone or spend a lot of time with them trying to navigate the waters of military life, you become close. Closer than you would otherwise. You will make some of your best friends during your time as a military spouse. They might move away, you might move away but you will always have your memories of the time you spent together. You will always have a friend to visit or to call when you are having a bad day. Whenever I ask myself if it was a good idea for my husband to join the military, I think about the people I have met during this life and know I would not be the same without them.

Finding Purpose in The Military Spouse Community

Whether you are a big part of the FRG, whether you found a great career on post or whether you are the neighborhood planner, finding purpose in the military community is a great feeling. Knowing that you are able to give back and help people is such a good thing. How you find that purpose will look a little different for everyone but that doesn’t mean you can’t find it. You might feel lost when you first move to a new duty station but as time goes on you will figure it out. And once you have figured it out, it is one the best feeling in the world.

Military Friends

What amazing things have happened to you during your time as a military spouse?

You Sent Them To War, Don’t Cut Our Benefits

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Military cuts are in the news these days and they sting when they hit close to home. Sometimes I get really angry about it. From my limited understanding and after being a military spouse for the last ten years it seems like there are other places they could cut. I wonder why they even go after programs that can help military families? We are the ones that are supporting our service member. We are the ones waiting back at home while they complete their mission. If you send them to war, why do you think it is okay to cut our benefits?

You Sent Them To War, Don't Cut Our Benefits

 

If it was up to me I would ensure that every military family has what they need. When it comes to the people I want to vote for, I look for those that want these things too. They are important to me as a military spouse and I think they are important to you too.

Good Medical Care

I know how hard it can be to find good and affordable health insurance but one of the benefits of being in the Military is that you do get healthcare for you and your family and for good reason. If you are off in a war zone, you want to know your family is going to be taken care of. The problem is, cuts always seem to come to Tricare and they hurt. Currently, they want to cut ABA. Not good. We used ABA for our son and we were so thankful for that care. I hate that people think they should be cutting those services. It’s also frustrating to hear when people have trouble getting help for their kids or care for themselves because of different cuts that have been happening. Military families should not have to worry about healthcare.

Good Schools

All military children should have access to good schools. Whether this means on post or off post. If the schools in the area around post are not a good place to send a child, there should be a way for parents to take their children to the on post schools.  I think parents should feel good about the schools their kids are able to go to. On post schools should be very aware of who their students are. Switching zoning around every year is simply not a good idea. Military kids move often anyway, why make them change schools in between a tour? I have heard stories of situations happening in on post schools and it doesn’t make a lot of sense why they are doing what they do. Our experience with off post schools has been good overall here but that isn’t always the case with military families. Having a lot of resources that can help military families find the right school is a good thing.

Good Support

Hearing that services like the MWR or ACS are being cut makes me sad. Military spouses and families need extra support, especially during deployments. We need access to events to pass the time, places to learn and childcare. That can help the spouse get through a challenging time as well as providing a place to make new friends.  While there are other ways to make friends and find support in the military community, it is a good thing to have these services for spouses and I hate to see them being cut because of lack of funds. This makes me think that those who are in charge of what is being cut have no idea what these services can do for military spouses.

Good Housing

All military families should be able to live in safe and affordable housing. It doesn’t have to be brand new or really big, it just needs to be safe and a good place for people to raise their families. Each family usually has a choice about if they want to live on post or off post. This is something to really think about. There are positives and negatives to both. The military does have some checks for finding places off post. Some rentals are blacklisted which is helpful for knowing who to stay away from when looking for a place to rent. There have been horror stories of on post living where people have gotten sick or have been put in run down housing that has not been taken care of. This is not okay. Military families should always have a comfortable place to live.

Military families

When I think of what our family has gone through and what other families have gone through I know that this military life is full of stressful situations. I know that sending someone to war is a challenging and emotional thing to have to do and that benefits make such a big difference to the morale of the families. I just hope that if the military does need to make cuts it will not be at the expense of the military family.

 

 

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

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When it comes to re-enlisting the decision needs to be between the military member and their spouse. They need to talk about the pros and the cons and what life would be like if they stayed in or if they got out of the military.

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

Should you ask your spouse to get out of the military? Is that the right thing to do? What if you feel like you want military life to be over but they do not? What if they see 20 years and you can barely see how you will make it through the next 20 months until their ETS date?

The answer to this question is a complicated one. In some situations, yes you should and in others it is best to figure out tips to get through military life instead.

How do you know what you should do?

Communicate

The number one thing to do is communicate your feelings to your spouse. Let them know how you are feeling, why you feel the way you do and what you think you two should do when it comes to their military career. Ask your spouse questions about their career, their goals and where they see themselves five or ten years down the road. It’s possible that they want to leave the military too. Talking things out can put you two on the same page or can help you understand why you don’t see eye to eye.

Think of your family

Life after the military can be hard and stressful. Is your family ready for that? Do you bring in an income now? Will you be willing to work to bring in more income if they get out? Do you have kids that need the extra benefits you get from the military? Would it be better for them to have their Dad or Mom around all the time instead? There is a lot to think about when trying to decide on if your spouse should get out of the military and sometimes that doesn’t even depend on what you and your spouse are experiencing but it depends on what your family is going through and what they need.

Think of your emotional health

I used to think that everyone could make it through military life. That everyone could handle a deployment. But then we went through our 4th deployment and it almost broke me. It was something I had never felt before. I realized that although there is a lot you can do to make it through a difficult situation, sometimes it might be too hard to keep going. Sometimes you will need an extra level of help and sometimes that help is going to be having a spouse that is no longer in the military.

Think of their career

If you and your spouse decided they would join the military together or if you like us decided to give it three years and see what it happens, that is going to be a different situation then if you met your spouse in the middle of their military career or if the long term plan was to be in for at least twenty years. This doesn’t mean things won’t change but I think the situations are so different and do make a difference when it comes to whether your spouse will want to stay in or not. I have met some strong women who have stood by their husbands as military spouses for the last twenty or thirty years. I admire them and I wonder if that could have been me. If my husband really wanted to stay in the Army, if he really wanted to move forward with it, would I have been able to handle that? Or would I have had to ask him to get out and do something else.

Military life is hard. For some, it feels impossible. Regardless of how much their spouse wants this for a career, it might not be the best thing long term. If you are a spouse that is struggling, know that your feelings are valid. You have a lot to talk with your spouse about. You have some decisions to make together. I wish you good luck as you try to figure out how much the military will be a part of your futures.

Have you ever been in this situation where you felt like you wanted to ask your spouse to not re-enlist and get out of the military? How did you come to that decision?