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When Military Spouses Give Themselves Permission to Pursue Their Dreams

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This post is in partnership with CollegeRecon!

When Military Spouses Give Themselves Permission to Pursue Their Dreams

As a military spouse, you know that this life can be a bit tricky sometimes. We support our service members in every way possible. But we also have dreams and desires of our own. We have things we want to pursue. And we need to permit ourselves to pursue them.

One way to pursue your dreams as a military spouse is to further your education. And VCFA can be a great option to do so.

When Military Spouses Give Themselves Permission to Pursue Their Dreams

What is VCFA?

The Vermont College of Fine Arts (VCFA) is a private, graduate-level college affiliated with the California Institute of the Arts. They offer Master’s degrees in a low-residency format.

What degree programs do they have?

At VCFA, you can get a degree in:

MFA in Film, MFA in Graphic Design, MFA in Music Composition, MFA in Visual Art, MFA in Writing, and MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults.

What does a low-residency program mean?

Low-residency is an excellent option for military spouses. You don’t have to live in California, and you can complete most of your work in your own home, wherever that might be.

In VCFA’s low-residency MFA programs, you will meet with your class twice a year for an intense and vibrant 9-day residency on the campus. However, for the MFA in Writing and the MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults programs, a remote option is available.

During these nine days, you attend workshops, lectures, discussions, critiques, exhibitions, performances, and more. Students also have the opportunity to engage with faculty over meals and in informal conversations.

What do they offer students?

During the program, you can find mentorship, work one-on-one with a faculty advisor, and form an individualized study plan tailored to your interests and goals. VCFA also publishes Hunger Mountain, a magazine created by faculty and students in the writing program, providing them with real-life publishing experience.

VCFA also just launched a podcast, Unapologetically Creative, which features bold voices in art, design, and storytelling. You can find it on Apple, Spotify, or iHeart.

Can you use the GI Bill at VCFA?

Yes, you can use your spouse’s or your own GI Bill to help pay for these programs! VCFA also participates in the Yellow Ribbon Program. Additionally, they offer VCFA Scholarships.

A VCFA military spouse student

Ciel-Nicole Williams, spouse of a Full-time Montana National Guard member, just started the MFA in Visual Arts program. When she realized she wanted to become a teacher and needed an MFA, she began exploring low-residency programs. As a 14-year military spouse, she recognized the need for a flexible way to earn her degree.

Ciel looked into and ultimately chose VCFA because it was a robust program that had been around a while and had a good reputation. She also used her husband’s GI Bill for the program.

VCFA, a way for military spouses to pursue their dreams

As you can see, the VCFA MFA programs can be an ideal choice for military spouses. Between its low-residency format and good reputation, military spouses seeking to further their education can find a suitable fit with this school. If you are interested but don’t have a bachelor’s degree, there are some special cases where you can move forward and work towards your MFA with a solid portfolio.

If you are interested in learning more, please sign up for one of VCFA’s informational sessions and complete their contact form. When doing so, please mention the Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life blog in the “Any questions” section.

Military Benefits Every Spouse Should Know About 

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Military spouses standing in a line

Hey there! If you’re reading this, you’re probably knee-deep in military life already. Between PCS moves, deployments, and trying to figure out what TLA even means (seriously, what’s with all the acronyms?), it’s easy to miss out on some seriously helpful benefits. Let’s break them down – and trust me, you’ll want to bookmark this one. 

TRICARE: Your Medical Safety Net 

Remember that time your toddler decided 2 AM was the perfect time for a fever, or you needed a prescription while visiting family across the country? That’s where TRICARE becomes your best friend. You’ve got two main options: TRICARE Prime and TRICARE Select. 

Prime is like having a medical home base. You’ll get assigned a Primary Care Manager (PCM), and they’ll be your go-to for everything. Referrals are required for specialists, but here’s the upside – you’ll barely pay anything out of pocket. Select gives you more freedom to choose your providers, but you’ll pay a bit more for that flexibility. 

Key TRICARE Tips: 

● Get enrolled in DEERS first – nothing works without it 

● Keep your ID card current 

● Update your info after every PCS 

● Download the TRICARE app (total game-changer) 

Learn more at www.tricare.mil 

MyCAA: Your Ticket to Career Growth 

Let’s talk about that $4,000 in education benefits that’s just sitting there, waiting for you to claim it. MyCAA isn’t just for traditional college – it covers certifications, licenses, and technical programs too. Think medical coding, real estate license, teaching credentials, or IT certifications. The best part? These are careers that can move with you. 

I’ve seen spouses use MyCAA to become everything from veterinary technicians to web developers. The program is designed for portable careers, meaning you can take these skills anywhere the military sends you. Plus, many programs are online, so PCSing won’t interrupt your studies.

Beyond MyCAA, there’s a whole world of military spouse scholarships out there. The Military Spouse Career Advancement Scholarship, the Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarship, and countless installation-specific opportunities are waiting for applicants. 

Explore your options at myseco.militaryonesource.mil/portal/mycaa 

Employment Support That Gets It 

The Military Spouse Employment Partnership (MSEP) is like having a really well-connected friend in your job search. These employers – we’re talking companies like Amazon, Starbucks, and hundreds more – actively seek out military spouses. They understand our unique challenges and often offer flexible or remote positions that can survive a PCS. 

SECO takes it a step further with personalized career help. Need someone to translate your varied experience into civilian terms? Want to practice interviewing? They’ve got you covered. The best part is how they understand that a “gap” in your resume might actually be time spent managing a cross-country move with three kids and a dog (which, let’s be honest, is basically a project management certification in itself). 

What SECO Offers: 

● Resume reviews and writing help 

● Interview coaching 

● Career assessments 

● Education guidance 

● Portable career planning 

Connect with employers at msepjobs.militaryonesource.mil 

Housing: Making Sense of BAH and Housing Options 

BAH might seem straightforward – money for housing, right? But it’s actually pretty nuanced. The rates are calculated based on local rental markets, including average utilities and renters insurance. That’s why you might get more BAH in San Diego than in rural Oklahoma. 

If you choose to live on base, you’ll typically forfeit your BAH in exchange for housing, utilities, and maintenance. Off base? That BAH is yours to manage. The Military Housing Office becomes your secret weapon here – they know which neighborhoods to avoid, which landlords work well with military families, and can even review leases for you. 

Smart Housing Moves:

● Calculate your BAH before house hunting 

● Use the Military Housing Office for lease reviews 

● Consider school districts if you have kids 

● Keep utility costs in mind when budgeting 

Calculate your rate at www.defensetravel.dod.mil/site/bah.cfm 

Mental Health Support (Because Military Life is No Joke) 

Let’s be real for a second – military life can be tough on your mental health. Those long deployments, constant moves, and the pressure of holding everything together? It’s a lot. That’s why knowing about these mental health resources is so important. 

Military OneSource counseling is a game-changer. Twelve free sessions per issue, and you can start over with new issues. Having trouble adjusting after a PCS? That’s an issue. Struggling with deployment? Different issue. Marriage needs some tune-up? You guessed it – separate issue. Plus, you can do these sessions in person, over the phone, or by video chat. 

The Military Family Life Counselors (MFLCs) on base are another amazing resource. No appointment needed, no paperwork, and nothing goes on any record. They’ll meet you at the coffee shop, the park, or wherever you feel comfortable. They even have special counselors just for kids who might be struggling with military life. 

Mental Health Resources Include: 

● Individual counseling 

● Couples counseling 

● Child behavioral support 

● Stress management workshops 

● Deployment support groups 

Get started at www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help 

Money-Saving Perks (Because Every Little Bit Helps) 

This is the fun part – all the ways military life can actually save you money. The ITT office on base is like having a secret discount travel agent. Want to go to Disney? They’ve got tickets for way less than you’d pay at the gate. Universal Studios, local attractions, even cruises – always check ITT first. 

The Exchange and Commissary are obvious spots for savings, but don’t overlook the smaller perks. That military ID can get you discounts at places you might not expect:

Everyday Savings: 

● Home improvement stores (Lowe’s and Home Depot – 10% off) 

● Clothing retailers (Old Navy, Nike, Under Armour) 

● Cell phone plans (most major carriers offer military discounts) 

● Car insurance (USAA, GEICO, and others offer military rates) 

● Hotels and flights (always ask for military rates) 

But here’s a pro tip: sometimes the military discount isn’t the best deal. Always compare it with other available discounts or sales. And don’t forget about holiday weekends – many stores offer extra military discounts during Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Military Appreciation Month. 

Find current deals at www.militaryonesource.mil/recreation-travel-shopping 

Pulling It All Together 

Listen, this military life isn’t always easy. Some days it feels like you’re juggling flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle. But these benefits? They’re here because others before us fought for them. They’re here to make this wild ride a little more manageable. 

Keep your documents updated, your ID card current, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Join your base’s spouse Facebook group – sometimes the best info comes from other spouses who’ve been there, done that, and know all the shortcuts. 

Remember, you’re not just surviving military life – you’re building a life within it. These benefits are tools in your toolkit. Use them, share them, and help other spouses learn about them too. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. 

Need more info? Visit www.militaryonesource.mil/military-life/spouses for a complete rundown of military spouse benefits. And don’t forget to check back regularly – benefits and programs can change, and new ones pop up all the time. 

Author Bio: Daniel Denkinger is an active-duty Air Force pilot and the founder of AFCrashpad.com, a company that provides fully furnished, military-friendly lodging for service members on PCS or TDY orders. Dedicated to supporting the military community, Daniel offers housing solutions designed to make military life more comfortable and stress-free. 
Connect with Daniel: ● Instagram: @afcrashpad ● Facebook: AFCrashpad ● Website: AFCrashpad.com

Military Benefits Every Spouse Should Know About 

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

I talk a lot about the military community. I have seen so much good come from people banding together to get through the hard stuff. Finding others who understand is extremely helpful. But…with the good comes the bad, and the ugly. 

The military community isn’t perfect. We have some flaws. We have some ugly parts. And like any community, as much as we try, they can sometimes take over your whole experience to the point where you just want to walk away. 

The good of the military community

The good of the military community includes walking alongside one another when you are hurt. It means planning a Thanksgiving dinner when all your spouses are deployed. It means stepping in and bringing another spouse groceries when she is sick on the couch. It means trading babysitting and letting people vent about the hard, and helping them come up with solutions to what seems impossible. 

The bad of the military community

The bad is having to leave the friends you have made that have felt like family, only to only ever like their Facebook posts in the future. The bad is feeling left out and not sure you can find a place. The bad is struggling to find new friends when you miss your old ones more than anything. 

And the ugly of the military community

The Facebook groups that poke fun at innocent questions from new military spouses. The hate for certain spouses based on whether they are married to and enlisted service member or officer. The misunderstandings that lead to a lack of grace and friendship. The loneliness some can feel because they can’t seem to find their people. 

The truth of the military community

The truth is that any community can have its share of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But as a military community, we have more at stake. We need one another in so many different ways. We can’t afford to be mean-spirited. We need to work past that.

As a community, we need to work together because with the world the way it is, with things heating up, we will need one another. And it starts with each of us. Extending that grace, treating others with respect, and striving to be the best version of ourselves.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

Is Rank Really An Issue When It Comes To Making Friends As A Military Spouse?

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Did you ever watch Army Wives? You know how those military spouses are all such good friends despite their spouses’ rank? Is that even possible? Well, yes, and no.

While there are some cases when two spouses probably wouldn’t be friends because of rank, I think, for the most part, spouses don’t care. I would question the level of friendship between some of those characters on Army Wives, but in the end, I think they could all be friendly with one another if nothing else.

There are very few military spouses who ask a potential friend what their spouse’s rank is before they decide to befriend them. In my real-life experience of being an Army wife, usually, a spouse’s rank comes out but it is not something that you use to evaluate a friendship.

Usually, the conversation goes something like this, “we are PCSing to Fort Campbell and I wonder what E-5 housing is like” or, “once he goes to such and such a school, he will make E-7.” It is usually never, “Well, I can only be friends with spouses of E-6 and above.”

Rank is brought up as a simple fact of their service member’s time in the military, not something to rub in someone else’s face.

Rank shouldn’t be used to bring other people down and make them feel less than. Among us spouses, rank isn’t or shouldn’t be a big issue.

This isn’t to say that no one out there is like that, I am sure you could find someone who thinks that way. But in my experience, these people are not the norm.

You know why? Because most military spouses are really just trying to make friends. We all pretty much want the same thing, to be included, to find our people, and to have fun along the way.

We don’t care what your spouse does, we just want to know that you can relate to being a military spouse, at least in one way or another.

We don’t care how high up your spouse is, we just want to know that you have days when you miss them just as much as we miss our own and that we can laugh about that together.

We don’t care if there is an E by their rank or an O, we just want to know that we are not the only ones serving cereal for dinner sometimes and that feel overwhelmed by too many deployments.

Going through military life alone isn’t the best way to go and finding friends wherever you live is going to make this life a lot easier. Finding your people is going to help you through those lonely nights and crazy mornings. Knowing someone has your back is going to give you the bit of peace you need for this military lifestyle.

So if you are a new military spouse, try not to worry about people not wanting to friend you because of your spouse’s rank. I can’t promise that won’t happen, there are going to be those people out there. But I do know that most of us don’t care about that.

We want to know what your hobbies are, how old your kids are, what you like to read, what you like to watch, what your dreams are, what your fears are, and so on. 

And with time you will find the ones you will walk through this life with. The ones that will make you a better person. The ones you will befriend and have in your life from here on out.

Making friends as a military spouse is a must, no matter what rank your spouse might be. If you are new to your duty station, get out there and see what is going on. Figure out places to go to meet other spouses. Join your local spouse’s groups, and work towards finding those friendships. Doing so will be worth your time.

What do you think? Have you ever had trouble making friends because of your spouse’s rank? What did you do about it?

Military Life is Hard and It’s Okay To Say So

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Military Life is Hard and It's Okay To Say So

Military life is hard and it’s okay to say so!

When I started my blog in 2009, I did so for a few reasons. I was a bit bored but more than that, I wanted to share what I was going through. I knew I couldn’t be the only military spouse that felt the way that I did. I was at the end of our 2nd deployment, missing my husband, and just waiting for the day he would be home.

One of the first things I noticed when I started getting into blogging was the online military community. Other bloggers and readers who had been through what I had been through and who understood what military life was like. Over the years I have met so many military spouses online that are looking for tips and encouragement to get through their deployment or whatever else military life has thrown at them.

Over the years I have heard some people say that military life isn’t hard or that because life is more difficult for other people, we shouldn’t even talk about what we are going through. They say that we should only speak of the positives of this life. That talking about the negatives isn’t good.

While I agree that if you only talk about the bad, this life is going to be even harder, but I also know that military life is hard and it’s okay to say so.

Military Life is Hard and It's Okay To Say So

Here on my blog and in my online communities, I understand that not everything is going to be easy. I understand that some days are just going to be quite horrible. But you know what? There are a lot of benefits in sharing our stories, in letting others know what we are going through, and talking about when life gets hard.

You are real

Things changed for us as soon as my husband joined the Army. He was gone, for months. He wasn’t always there like he was before. He had more rules and regulations than he did in civilian life. Everything changed for us. And life got a lot harder.

Military life brings deployments, pcsing every few years, and life changes you would never have thought about before. You might give birth without your husband, they might miss your son’s first day of kindergarten or even high school graduation, and they might not be around when you need them the most.

So when someone talks about how hard military life is, they are being real about their experiences.

Real about the changes this life will bring, real about how difficult some seasons of this life are, and real about what’s going to happen during their spouse’s career.

Being real about military life also means talking about how wonderful living in Germany is, how amazing homecoming will be, and how you would never have met the friends you did had you never become a military spouse.

Whether you are going through a difficult time or having better milspouse moments, being real about your life is a good thing.

Because we all know it is

Although I am sure there are some who get through the years of military life and don’t even seem to feel the hardships some of us too, this has not been the norm.

Every day I hear from military spouses who have just started a deployment, are in the middle of a deployment, or are struggling through the last few months of a deployment. All of them are looking for ways to make it through, to find friends who know what they are going through, and to figure out the best way to handle their current situation.

At the end of the day, we are all on our own military road. Some roads will be bumpier than others, and that’s okay. Some will have it much harder than you do and some have it easier. That doesn’t change the fact that you are dealing with your own set of challenges that are unique to you and your family.

So we can help one another out

When we don’t share our struggles, we can’t help one another out. When we stay silent, we don’t know who needs that extra set of hands or who needs a listening ear. When we all act like we have everything together, we can overlook those that are falling behind, and that isn’t a good thing for our military community.

While we don’t want to spend all of our time as a military spouse walking around with a pout on our faces, we can stop and recognize when things are a little too much to handle on our own. We might need to reach out to a friend, to a professional, or change a few things to make our lives a little easier.

Military Life is Hard and It's Okay To Say So

So we know we are not alone

In the end, sharing our milspouse struggles helps others know they are not alone. When I share about my deployments, I hope that others can take comfort in knowing they are not the only one going through what they are at the moment. When I talk about the deployment ache, I hope that others can say, “Yes! That is exactly how I feel too.”

When you are struggling, knowing you are not alone can go a long way in figuring out how to make life better for yourself. Whether the struggle is deployment, miscarriage, divorce, infertility, the loss of a family member, a sick child or something else.

When you struggle, knowing others have been through what you have been through can help you see there is a way out, that there are things you can do to make life better, and that you don’t have to walk through all of this on your own.

What do you know when you feel you are struggling? Who do you turn to for extra help?

More on Military life…

Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into

To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community

9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

Nineteen years ago, I boarded a plane with my 18-month-old to join my husband in Germany. He had been over there for about 4 months, and we were finally joining him. The time apart was quite a whirlwind for me as I adjusted to the way the Army did things, which was slower than I would have liked.

The flight over was long. The leg from Chicago to Madrid was the toughest. My son’s car seat wouldn’t fit and he didn’t sleep a wink. Finally, as we sat down on our short flight from Spain to Germany, he crashed on my lap.

We met my husband in baggage claim at the Frankfurt airport, sleepy and in a fog. Unless you count trips to Mexico as a teen, this was my first experience in a different country. This was my first experience in Europe. This would be my first experience on an Army post.

A few days later, I was walking my son in a stroller around the post. I stopped and just took everything in as a group of soldiers marched by. Up until a few months before, we had been a civilian couple, raising our son in a civilian family. But all of that had changed.

As the months passed, I began to feel more comfortable with my current situation. We were stationed in Schweinfurt, approximately two hours from Frankfurt in Bavaria. I was 26 years old, and the interesting thing was when my mom was my age she also moved to Germany, as a DoD teacher near Ramstein. I grew up with photos and souvenirs she had collected during her time there. I was so happy to experience some of what she did, but as a spouse instead of a teacher.

I made friends pretty quickly as our FRG was very active. There was also a deployment coming up and all of us could feel it. So many of us had little ones and soon after we got there I discovered I was pregnant with my second little boy. There was a lot going on and a lot to take in.

After we had been there for about five months, my husband deployed to Iraq. We assumed he would be back within a year, or even nine months. But that was the deployment that kept getting extended and he finally made it home after almost 15 months.

During that deployment, I learned so much about myself. About who I was as a mother, a wife, and a military spouse. It was my “welcome to this life” baptism that I didn’t really fully understand until much later, after moving back to the states and experiencing more deployments.

Our little community in Schweinfurt was something so special and different. For one thing, the post was pretty small. We only had about 3,000 soldiers. Compare that to Fort Campbell which has around 29,000 soldiers. Pretty much every soldier, unless you were on Rear D, was deployed. Most of the soldiers went to Iraq and some to Afghanistan. But the reality was, the post was made up of military spouses, going through a very long deployment, far from home.

During the first part of the deployment I was pregnant, and as I got closer to the birth, that was my main focus. My amazing mom came out planning to stay two months over the birth and after to help. I can’t even tell you how much this helped me. My son was born just four days before his due date and three days before my husband made it back to Germany for R&R.

During those two weeks, my dad came over to join us and we had a nice family Christmas together. My parents left us for a week to travel and we had a week as a family of four before my husband had to head back to Iraq. That week was truly amazing. I can’t even tell you about what he did, other than sorting out my son’s birth certificate, but our family needed that time.

R&R was over, and my husband and I woke up before dark to take him to the train station to head back to Iraq. My husband stood over my son’s crib and said goodbye, thinking he would be back in about five months. In the end, he didn’t get back from another 11, missing almost his whole first year.

My dad headed home soon after, and my brother came to visit which helped with the after R&R letdown. In February, my mom and brother had to head back home, and soon after I ended up in the hospital with my two-month-old for RSV. I was so thankful for my military spouse friends who stepped in to help me during that week.

Winter ended, and it started to warm up a bit in Germany but our husbands were still deployed. We, spouses, worked hard to stay busy, and spend time together. We had Monday mornings at the coffee shop, we met for lunch and met up at the park once it was warm enough to do so.

During those 15 months, I found myself in a tight-knit military community with almost all of us going through the same thing. This isn’t something you find in a lot of places, but this was my introduction to the military world. I didn’t realize at the time how different it would be at a stateside post when units were all coming and going at different times.

I learned through other military spouses, what they had been through in the past, and the lessons they had learned along the way. I learned true independence as I would go so long without being able to talk to my husband, and just had to figure everything out by myself. I realized what was important about parenting and what to let go of so that I could be the best mom for my kids.

The military was 100% in our face during this time. Yes, you could go off post and I did. I enjoyed walking my kids around in the double stroller and visiting all the different German shops. I was able to travel even more once my husband came home, going on a few USO trips.

But still, the military ruled so much about my life then. From where I got most of my groceries, to where I got my mail, to where my son went to preschool.

When we moved to the states, I found this wasn’t the norm. But it definitely shaped my military spouse experience.

Looking back, I am so glad I had the experiences I did. I was a part of history. I was a part of the military community. And learned so much along the way.

The Army has left Schweinfurt. If we were to visit again someday, we would find the area a very different place. I think they have knocked down most of the housing and there is no longer any American military presence. But the memories will stick with me forever.

The Halloween party we had when I was super pregnant. The Thanksgiving potluck we military spouses had while leaving computers on in hopes that a husband or two would log on. The time after R&R as I thought we were in the final stretch of the deployment and then learned we had so much more time to go.

The lonely nights we made better by spending time together while our kids played. The tensions that arose during a super stressful situation. Homecoming day, when the deployment was finally over, and we could get back to almost normal life while knowing we were now different people.

All of us were going through something so difficult but we had to find the strength to make it to the finish line and we had to do it together one day at a time. I will never forget those years, even if some of the details are fuzzy all these years later. I am thankful for being able to experience life overseas, and I am even more thankful for all that I learned while I was there.

Arriving at that small Army post in the middle of Bavaria as a brand new military spouse is something I will never forget.

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

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Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

The #1 bit of advice you will receive during a deployment is to stay busy. That’s simple enough, right? But how about beyond that? What can you do on a day-to-day basis to get through your deployment? What can you do to make time move faster and not feel like you are always falling apart when you are surviving a deployment?

Here are 18 things that can genuinely help you survive your next deployment:

1. Buy a journal, write in it daily

Find a pretty journal, even Walmart has some cute ones. Write in the journal every day. Make that a part of your routine. Share your day, share your feelings, and let everything out.

2. Find good friends

Find good friends and make plans with them. Don’t be shy. Put yourself out there when you can.

3. Laugh

Laughing during a deployment is the best. Find people you can laugh with. Watch movies that crack you up. Don’t be afraid to have fun even if your spouse is deployed.

4. Focus on school

If you are in school, focus on your school work. If not, maybe now is the time to go back? Check out the programs in your local area as well as online.

5. Focus on work

Focus on your career. Don’t have one yet? Figure out what you want to do. Find a job and get started.

6. Focus on your family

If you have kids, focus on them. They will take up a lot of your time. You can also have regular phone calls with your family back home or even plan for some visits. Family can help with the hole in your heart left from the deployment.

7. Let yourself cry

If you are the type who feels like you need to cry, do it. That can help you get back to a better place.

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

8. Binge watch it all

Game of Thrones, This is Us, or any of the Netflix originals will work. If the solo nights are bothering you, binge watch something.

9. Find friends who are there too

Good friends are important and finding friends who are also going through the deployment are a must. You can walk through this together, make plans together, and depend on one another.

10. Make a deployment bucket list

Make a deployment bucket list even before they go. What do you want to get accomplished? What do you want to do with your kids? What can you focus on?

11. Stay on your normal routine

In some cases, sticking to your regular routine is the best thing to do. You can focus on what you normally do and keep living your life, even when your spouse is gone.

12. Wine, lots of wine

Wine or fruity drinks or even Dr. Pepper. Whatever gets you through the deployment.

13. Care packages

Some personalities love to send care packages, and they are an excellent way to spend your time. You can get super crafty with them or keep them simple. Remember to be aware of holiday ship by dates as well as when you need to stop sending things overseas because they are coming home.

14. Don’t dwell on it

While you can’t completely forget that they are deployed, you can try not to dwell on the fact that they are gone. When you feel like you are, snap yourself out of that and go and do something fun. Put on some music and get in a better mood.

15. DIY projects

DIY projects can be a lot of fun. Whether you are repainting your kitchen or creating something original. Pinterest can give you a lot of ideas as well as Facebook groups such as White Walls.

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

16. Go to the gym

Go to the gym, go for walks, train for a 5K, whatever you do, find a way to get out there and exercise. Not only is this good for your health, but working out is a good way to get your anxiety and frustrations out.

17. Slumber parties

If you can find a good friend whose kids get along with yours, have sleepovers. If your spouses are deployed over a holiday, you can have them to not feel as alone. Put the kids to bed, stay up late drinking wine, and vent over all the silly stuff from the day.

18. Stay social

Stay social. Get out there and meet others. Be active. There is so much you can do, especially if you live near post. See what is out there and make plans.

Not all of these tips will work for everyone, but they can give you a good idea of what you can do to survive your next deployment.

What would you add to this list???

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment