Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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How My Role As A Military Spouse Affects My Children

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Military Spouse with Children

How My Role As A Military Spouse Affects My Children

I have never been a Military spouse without children. My husband joined after we had been married three years. We had a 13 month old boy at the time.

I have only ever known the Military life that included kids. I don’t know what it is like for my husband to be gone and not have anyone to take care of or look after. It just isn’t my exeperience as a Military spouse.

As I look back on the past 10 years of being a Military spouse, I have to wonder how it has affected my children. Not in a personal way but in the fact that they are being raised by a Mom who is a Military spouse. A mom who has had to play the role of both mom and dad while her husband has been away. A mom who has had to struggle with anxiety while her husband was in a war zone. A mom who was trying to do the best that she could in a very stressful situation.

I wonder how that has affected them and how they would be if I had never been a Military spouse.

I know it is not good to think too much about that because it is not our reality. Our reality is that my boys have a mom who is a Military spouse, for good and for bad.

Sometimes I think that life is harder than it needs to be for them. That they have had to deal with missing their Dad and missing a bit of their mom too because I have had too many things to do. When you are the only adult in the house, you don’t have a lot of spare time and the kids can pick up on that. You do your best to spend quality time with them and make life happy and fun. But sometimes you fall short and there is nothing you can do about that.

I know that my parenting has changed a bit because of deployments. It had to. There was no way I could parent the same when things turned out different then I thought they would be. I had to let more things go and focus on what was really important.

I have had to work hard to be a good mom and be there even if I felt too sad or like I wanted to just crawl into bed and sleep the day away.

I hope that my boys can feel my love for them and know that I have done the best that I could over the years.

It helps to have a good community of other Military spouses to talk with about this type of thing. It can be hard to admit that your kids might be missing out on something and it is easier to talk about with people who have been there and know those same emotions.

If you are looking for a community in your area, head on over to Hello Mamas to see what is available to you. You will be glad that you did 🙂

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To My Oldest Son On His 11th Birthday

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To My Oldest Son On His 11th Birthday

My oldest son will be turning 11 next week. I know it is a little cliché to say but how did we get here? Where did my little baby go? 11? For reals???

The truth is, as fast as time has gone, as quickly as it has seemed that the years have passed, I have really embraced every stage of his life. From when he was a baby, to a toddler, to that stage that had me loosing my mind between 3-5, though his younger elementary school years and now as an official pre-teen heading closer and closer to those teenage years.

As I think about the 11 years we have had together, I feel so emotional. I have so many things to say. So here is my letter to my son, my oldest boy, who came into this world on that September day in 2004 and changed me forever by making me a mom.

To my son…

I can still remember the day you were born. You were early. Earlier then I thought possible because they always told me that first pregnancies are usually later. But you wanted to be born and join the world. On September 29th, at about 7:30 in the morning, you were born and made us parents. I remember holding you as you sucked your little finger. You were my son and I was now a mom. Everything changed in that moment. I remember taking you home and getting used to having a child. That was a very special time for me. It was a time I never experienced again. Being a new mom is something you can only experience once. 

For two years and two months it was just you and me. I didn’t always know what I was doing but I did the best I could with you. We bonded a lot during those two years and two months and I was so glad we had that time together. Then your brother came along and I was so happy to give you something so special. A little brother to play with, to fight with and to grow up with. I didn’t know at the time how much you guys would need each other. 

We had some struggles, a lot of them. Between the troubles you had with talking and being a bit behind to the deployments your Dad had to go on. It was hard for me. I am sure I didn’t always do the right thing. But you still kept smiling. Even on the hardest days you would smile and remind me that everything was going to be okay. 

We gave you another little brother to love when you were six and I love your relationship. You don’t fight too much and you are always there to help him out. 

And now I look at you and see the teenager and the man you will become. I swear that everyday you grow a little bit taller and I think I might have even heard the first signs of your voice changing the other day. My baby boy who is no longer a baby, I love you so very much. You are such a loving person and you have such a big heart. I adore the fact that you can not go to sleep without hugging and kissing me goodnight. That you help with the dog and your brothers when I need you to. That when I am sad you go out of your way to cheer me up. That I see you have gotten a little bit of your Dad’s humor which I love and I smile when you use it to make me laugh.

The next few years might be more difficult than we think they will be. I really don’t know. They tell me we are in a sweet spot right now and that is the truth. I hope and pray that you know you will always be able to talk with me about anything. About growing up, about girls, about your friends and your hopes and dreams. I want the best for you and that is why sometimes I tell you “no” when you want me to say “yes.” 

There are so many things I want to teach you before you leave our home and head out into the world as an adult. I am thankful I have a little more time before that happens. 

So my sweet son, I hope you have a wonderful birthday. You have filled my life with joy and I am so proud to be your Mom.

To My Oldest Son On His 11th Birthday

How old are your children? Do their birthdays make you emotional too???

More Than Just A Mom

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more than a mom

I always wanted to be a mom. I always wanted to get my college degree. I wanted to find a good man, get married after college, have some kids and stay at home with them. That is exactly what I did too. I have three boys that call me mom, I have been married for 13 years and I have been able to be home with them the whole time.

However…

For most of that time I have been a Work At Home Mom. I had an Ebay business back when I just had one little boy. These days I do a mix of blogging, writing, social media and my Scentsy business. I have three kids in school for three days a week. So I have chuncks of time to myself where I can get work done.

I am more than just a mom.

But sometimes…

I don’t feel like I am treated that way.

Sometimes I feel like people see that I have three boys and think that is all I could possibly have time for or all I could emotionally want to do.

But here is the thing. My boys are difficult sometimes, they do take a lot out of me but they are also not babies and I am more than just a mom.

I picked up my first camera at the age of 12. Years before motherhood began, but when I went on a photo walk a few years ago, one of the other photographers made a comment about how great it was that moms were picking up their cameras to take photos too. Really? Because my love of photography came before becoming a mother. So did a lot of other things.

I love my boys dearly but I am more than just their mother.

I am a writer. I am a reader. I am a blogger. I am a photographer. I am a friend. I am a wife. I am a business owner. I network with other work at home parents. I bring in an income and I am helping keep this family together and work towards our dreams.

And here is the thing. Whether you are a work at home mom or not, you are more than just a mom too. You are STILL the person you were 10, 15, 20 years ago. You might have changed a bit. You could have different beliefs about things but you are still that person and you are allowed to have a life beyond your kids.

You are allowed to read. You are allowed to find a job. You are allowed to go out with your friends. You are allowed to take a shower. You can do ALL of these things and still be a loving and wonderful mother.

I know my jobs might seem weird to some people. Some might not get how I could make money blogging or sharing a post on Twitter but I do. I make money. I pay taxes and I am a working member of society.

So next time you hear someone talk about working from home, believe them. Believe that they have a career too. That they are working towards a goal. I don’t care if they only make enough to send their kid to soccer camp every year or if they are bringing in $100,000+ a year. The jobs we do matter and shouldn’t just be ignored.

Do you ever run into the attitude that you are “just” a mom? That anything you do outside of it doesn’t really matter? How do you handle it?

 

On Living Near Fort Hamilton In New York City

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On Living Near Fort Hamilton In New York City

Happy to have this guest post by Amanda on living near Ft. Hamilton, in NYC. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

After I moved to New York City back in 2001, I was prepared to see the sights… things like Broadway shows, Times Square, museums, just to name a few. When I met my future husband in 2005 and we married in 2008, I was introduced to a whole new world called the Army National Guard. My now husband had been a member of some form of the Reserves and National Guard for over 15 years by then and I was thrown right in with no warning or training. The closest I had ever really been to the Armed Forces was hearing stories of my grandfather who had served in WWII and my best friend from high school, who had previously lived on numerous bases through the world before her father retired from the Army in the early 90’s.

While trying to find my way through the crazy terminology, acronyms, regulations, and ever-changing orders that never seemed to be released in a timely manner, I was introduced to a hidden treasure right in our backyard that I had no idea even existed. After we were married, my husband informed me that I needed to get a dependent military ID. The following weekend we hopped the subway and made our way to a neighborhood called Bay Ridge in Brooklyn, where, to my surprise, stood Fort Hamilton.

Fort Hamilton sits right under the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, which connects Brooklyn to Staten Island, and next to the neighborhood of Bay Ridge in Brooklyn. If you didn’t know an Army base was located there you would never even notice it. But once you do know it is there, there are obvious signs of its presence. For example, the giant American flag that flies over the great lawn and the side-by-side white washed houses that serve as base housing.

Stationed in NYC

 

As a National Guard family, we don’t have an opportunity to live on base, and we really only go on base if we have a specific need to be there such as our unit’s family day, which is normally held on the great lawn just inside the gates. My husband’s actual home station is the Armory in Manhattan, but Fort Hamilton is a much more comfortable location for the kids to come and run around like crazy people for a couple hours. The view of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge from the great lawn is stunning and I always get a shot of it every time we are there.

Stationed in NYC

In my personal opinion, the general atmosphere is fairly easy going compared to other Army bases that I have visited, such as Fort Dix in New Jersey or West Point in upstate New York. Once you get past the armed guards at the front gates, it almost reminds me of a small college campus than an Army base. We usually end up taking a walk around the grounds just to enjoy the outdoors without fear of being hit by a crazy NYC cab.

Fort Hamilton

Even though it is a smaller base, Fort Hamilton does have many of the same services as the larger bases. Services such as a commissary, Post Exchange, ID services, employment services, dry cleaners, barbershop, and the USO are all available. As a matter of fact, the USO provided entertainment for us at one of our family days. I didn’t catch the name of the group, but they performed all of the WWII favorites. I really wish I had caught Marshall on video because he jumped right up there and was dancing along with them through their whole performance!

Fort Hamilton

Did I mention the barbershop??? You don’t venture on an Army base with your hair too long otherwise you are sent directly to the barbershop!

Fort Hamilton

If you do get the chance to visit Fort Hamilton, prepare for a small town atmosphere in the middle of the big city. In addition, the sights and sounds of New York City are just a quick 20-minute subway ride away!

 

Amanda Olvera is a true Michigan girl living in New Jersey with her husband, 4 year old son, 3 kitties, and beta fish. She has been a military spouse since 2008 and is still working her way through all the rules, regulations, and balancing her family’s civilian life with that of the National Guard. She works full time as an IT Project Manager in New York City. She recently discovered the crazy world of running and was surprised to find she enjoys it! She also enjoys a good book, which fills the time during her daily commute into the city. She is currently working towards a Masters in Project Management from Stevens Institute of Technology and studying to sit for her PMP certification. She also has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Central Michigan University and a Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice from John Jay College of Criminal Justice. She blogs at The Calm Before The Storm (https://arngspouse.blogspot.com) and you can follow her on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/OlveraMarshallFamily) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/Mandakay0625).

Find You Savings At Publix With The Publix Snack, Share, Save Event And Giveaway

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Do you love savings at Publix too???

We love snacks in this house! The older my boys get, the more of them they want to eat. They will be teenagers before I know it. I always try to have quite a few snacks in the house for them to have after school or right before bed. I love having that variety so we have something to grab depending on what we feel like eating at the moment.

Savings at Publix

One of the places I love to buy snacks at is Publix, especially when I can find Savings at Publix.  They put one in close to our home a couple of years ago. I had never been before but quickly fell in love. It really is a pleasure to shop there. I love how clean and organized it is there and everyone who works at Publix is very nice and helpful. They will also help you take your groceries out to your car which is nice when I have all the boys with me.

 

Savings At Publix

Some of our favorite snacks are Quaker Chewy Granola Bars, Chex Snack Mix, Fiber One Cookies and I am a big fan of the Yoplait Greek 100 Whips. I discovered them not too long ago and enjoy them for breakfast or a quick snack. My 4 year old would eat a whole box of the Granola bars if I didn’t watch them. I love those too and remember eating them myself as a child.

Savings At Publix

I love to find savings at Publix by using coupons and shopping their sales. They have some amazing Buy One, Get One free deals. Another way you can find savings at Publix right now is to head on over to their Snack, Share and Save Event they have going on right now.

Save $5 on your $20 purchase of participating snacking items when you share the Publix Snack, Share, Save event with friends!

Savings At Publix

Steps to receive the coupon:

1. Go To SnackShareSave.com and Choose a Design to share on your social media account
2. Log In to your Publix Skip The Clip Account
3. Share the social media design via Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest
4. Check your Skip the Clip Account for your $5 Coupon.

If you don’t already have this, you can register for an account. It only takes about a minute. you don’t want to miss out on these Savings at Publix!

You will also be able to save $5.00 instantly when you buy $20 worth of participating items from PepsiCo, General Mills, & Unilever between 9/24 and 9/30.

How you would like to win $15 Paypal Cash to go buy your own snacks?

Enter the giveaway below by answering the question that is asked! Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • “Disclosure: The information, products and Publix gift cards were provided by General Mills through Linqia.”

Best Duty Station In The Military: 5 Features That Make San Diego #1

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Best Duty Station In The Military:

Happy to have this guest post by Heather on being stationed in San Diego, one of my favorite places too. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

Best Duty Station In The Military: 5 Features That Make San Diego #1

Yep, I said it: San Diego is THE best duty station in the Military. You may not agree, but I’m going to give you a ton of reasons why it’s true, all wrapped up in 5 important features.

Ok, I’ll admit that I’m slightly biased… Hubby’s San Diego tour was during our long distance relationship and engagement, so I spent a lot of time flying in for a weekends of fun and sight-seeing, eating out and holding hands during walks by the water.

We also got married in San Diego, all in all making it an incredibly sentimental town. (ok I was ooey-gooey in love and twitterpated about life. But hear me out and you may find it’s not just Cupid talking!)

1- Accessibility

San Diego is accessible to so many exciting activities and destinations, and it’s easy to get around within the city and beyond.

  • It has it’s own major airport that’s right in the heart of the area– within 15-20 minutes of most bases.
  • It also has a train station in the heart of downtown that services Amtrak on a regular basis.
  • San Diego also has many beautiful walkways and running trails, and parks along the water.
  • It’s very biker friendly and if you’d rather ride, you can catch a cab, a pedicab, a transit train or and even a ferry.
  • Though it does have some traffic clogs during rush hour, it’s generally easy to get around. And if you time it right, it’s an easy 1 & 1/2 – 2 hour drive to LA and the many attractions there: Disneyland & California Adventure, Six Flags Magic Mountain, Knotts Berry Farm, Concerts, Malls, Restaurants etc.

best duty station in the military

2- Big City Amenities In A Compact Area

Another reason San Diego is the best duty station in the military is the amazing attractions within a small geographical area.

  • You can visit the San Diego Zoo, Sea world, go on a Segway tour, hit the Gaslamp District, and go to a Padres game all in the same day if you want.
  • Amazing restaurants and new breweries constantly pop onto the scene, so you’ll never run out of new places to try.
  • You can even walk or bike to major broadway shows from many places. We saw the Lion King downtown and then walked home to my place in Little Italy… and speaking of Little Italy, you don’t want to miss the farmer’s market every Saturday!
  • In addition to all of that, you have the zoo safari park, Aquatica by SeaWorld (SeaWorld’s water park), and Legoland. They’re further out from the city, but not so far that you have to pack twice as much just for the drive.

 

3- “Small Town” Living On Coronado

Ok, if you’re stationed on NAS North Island (lucky if you are!) you definitely want to consider living on Coronado. Yes, it’s expensive and you may have to put up with a smaller house than you’re used to. But it’s worth it because:

  • It has the best schools in the area
  • You can avoid traffic coming over the bridge
  • Your spouse can bike to work on base (my hubby, then fiancé, biked from his place on Coronado and it was much faster than driving)
  • Experience a quaint, cute town where people drive golf carts around
  • You don’t have any major box stores, yet can get most anything on the island if you need it on the island.
  • You can even live on-island and have a reverse commute (much less traffic) to Naval Station San Diego.

best duty station in the military

4- Very Military Friendly With Many Resources

San Diego is a very military-friendly and patriotic place.

  • You can access two large commissaries and NEX (Navy Exchange) locations.
  • Getaway or have visiting family stay in the amazing Navy Lodge accommodations, especially the one on Coronado (right on the beach with a great pool area!).
  • There are several bases all within a few miles of each other which makes commuting and accessing resources that much easier.

5- Weather

So maybe the best reason San Diego is the best duty station in the military is the weather.

  • It’s pretty great all the time– only 10 inches of rain a year, it’s usually sunny and warm. We got married on the San Diego Bay in January, and it was 75.
  • It doesn’t get humid like the east coast but it can still get into the upper 80s and 90s (esp further east in the more desert-like terrain) It doesn’t get brutally cold and snowy like the north either.

Ok so did I convince you that SD is truly the BEST duty station in the military? Well, even if not, I highly recommend it… and if you have orders there, I’m sure you’ll have an awesome tour!

 

Heather Goffrier is a Navy wife of 5+ years and a mom to a 2-year-old princess. When not blogging over at HappyFitNavyWife.com, Heather can be found at mommy & me classes, Bible study, hanging with her pilot hubby, and traveling whenever possible. She loves sharing about her experiences as a military wife & mom, and hopes to encourage as many as possible who are on this journey. For more on San Diego, check out Heather’s Top 10 San Diego Restaurants.

 

Should You Buy A House If You Are In The Military?

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Should You Buy A House If You Are In The Military?

Should You Buy A House If You Are In The Military?

Buying a house is a big commitment and something you really have to think about before you decide to go ahead and do it. Home ownership is something that a lot of people hope and dream for. Even those of us that move around more often then others.

When you are a Military family, the urge to put down some type of roots is strong.

Before moving to any new duty station, any Military family has to figure out where they are going to live. For some that means on post. That is the only place they want to live and that is a good choice. There are a lot of benefits to living on post. But for those that don’t want to live there, they must decide between renting or buying a home where they are stationed.

We moved to Ft. Campbell in 2010 and started with a rental. We hated it. We knew we were going to have to move. We thought about moving on post but didn’t really want to. We looked at our options. We could buy a home in Clarksville or we could rent. We knew we would be here at least another three years.

We looked at rent and at mortgages. We knew buying could be an investment for us. We knew that if we bought we would no longer have a landlord to call if we had issues, we would have to take care of that ourselves. In the end we decided on buying because it made the most sense at the time. Renting would have cost over $100 more a month in rent then if we bought. If we rented, we would have less control over the house that we lived in.

As of today we will have been in our house for 4 years. I love that we have been here that long. We used my husband’s VA loan to buy it. Overall it was a pretty easy process too. We love our home and neighborhood and glad we made that decision. However, we are looking at a move to California in the next few years. This means we will have to decide on selling or renting out our home. It is a big decision and as of right now we are not sure what we are going to do.

So how do you decide if you should by a house if you are in the Military?

You really need to talk it over, figure out what your plans are and know that things could change. You could buy a house thinking you will be in the area for years and then have to move before you have lived in it a year. You never know and that is the risk you have to take.

You have to decide if it is worth it. If you could handle selling or renting out a home. You have to figure out if it would just be easier to rent from someone else until your spouse gets out of the Military.

There are benefits to owning a home, especially around a Military Installation that will be around for a long time. You can look at it as an investment, you can make the home the way you want it and you always have a place to come back to once you get out of the Military. You can rent it out when you leave and know it will help you in the future.

What about you? Have you decided to buy a house at your current duty station? Are you waiting until Military life is over?

How To Read More Than One Book At A Time

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How To Read More Than One Book At A Time

How To Read More Than One Book At A Time

There are differnet ways to read a book. You have the people who can only read one book at a time. You also have the people who are always reading more than one book. Which one are you?

I am one who can read more than one book at a time. I have always been that way. Before Kindles I had a book by my nightstand, a book in the car, one in my purse, one in my backpack, one in the bathroom, etc. When I got my Kindle I thought it was perfect because I could now carry most of my books with me. I still read regular books too and still have books everywhere. You never know when you will get 5 minutes to read.

I have found that if I want to read more than one book at a time they have to be different. I can’t read Discovery of Witches and Twilight at the same time. They both include vampires and I would get really confused. It really only works for different genres. I read almost every type of book. I read fiction and non-fiction so for me, this is pretty easy to do. I can read Outlander and a Chicklit book because they are so different.

Usually what happens is that I will have a few books I am reading and waiting for one to grab me. One will, then I just focus on that book. And these days I have really been looking for books I just won’t want to put down. I also get a lot of books from the library so some of them I have to “give back” and wait in order to check them out again. This usually happens with non fiction books. Like The Fringe Hours. I am in the middle of reading that one but it is on pause until I get it again from the library.

People who only read one book at a time can’t understand this process but it is just how I roll. I feel like there are just so many books out there that I want to read that I have a hard time picking. I have tried to just read one book at a time and I can’t do it. I might spend 2-3 days reading one book because it is amazing but then I go back to all my other books until another one catches me like that.

I do feel like the older I get, the less jumping around I do. It could be that I have been picking more popular books to begin with or that I just don’t have as much patience for books that don’t draw me in right away anymore.

If you only read one book at a time, I think you are fine. There is no reason to change the way you read. It is probably less overwhelming for you anyways.

If you read more than one book at a time, join the club.

How do you like to read? Have things changed for you over time?

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