Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

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6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

If you have ever been in a long distance relationship, you know how hard they can be. All you want is to live in the same area as your loved one but for whatever reason, you can’t. Maybe your boyfriend goes to college across the country from where you went to college, maybe you met someone from another state on your last vacation, or maybe you are dating or married to a service member whose military service takes them away from you.

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

Whatever the reason you are in an LDR, know that they never last forever and you can get through that time apart.

Here are six tips for surviving a long distance relationship that seems like it will last forever.

Live where you live, not where they do

When I was with one of my college boyfriends, we were in a long-distance relationship too, and I made a big mistake. I tried to stay so connected to him where he was, that I missed out on living where I was. I would stay home just to talk to him on the phone, I wouldn’t go out and make friends because I had him.

And in the end, I was miserable. Living that way isn’t good. Make sure to live your life where you are currently living, even if your loved one is far away.

Make plans to be together

Since people are in long distance relationships for different reasons, ask yourself if there is anything you can do to live closer to one another. Maybe all it would take is one of you moving to another city. Maybe you just need to be okay with leaving your hometown to join your military boyfriend at his first duty station.

While this is very personal and will be different for everyone, see if there is anything you can change about your situation. There might just a way to make some changes so that you no longer have to be in a long distance relationship.

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

But look at the big picture

While making some changes can lead to you being together, you also shouldn’t just give up your dreams because the distance is too hard. You might be in school, trying to finish your degree. He might need to go away and finish up a few years in Germany before you two can get married and start your lives together.

There could be good long-term reasons why you are in a long-distance relationship at the moment, and you want to be careful about messing that up. Love can be tricky sometimes and being careful about any big decision when it comes to making plans is a good idea.

Talk often, but not too often

You want to work on your relationship, even across the miles. You want to talk often and communicate with one another. This is all very important when you can’t see them in person all of the time.

However, sometimes you can talk too often. This happens a lot in military circles. The service member calls twice a day, and the military spouse has trouble coming up with things to say. She feels too pressured, and that gets frustrating.

Getting on the same page about how often you will talk is a good idea. Maybe you won’t call every single day, but you can send text messages whenever you feel the need. Going over expectations is essential.

Write love letters

Don’t discount getting out the pen and paper and writing an actual love letter. These are so special and give you both a way to get your feelings to one another out. They make lovely keepsakes down the line if you two stay together for the long term.

If you are dating or married to someone in the military, you might not always be able to get a hold of them. But you can always write them a letter and put that in the mail, sending your love across the miles.

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

Find others in an LDR too

See if you can find some friends that are going through a long distance relationship too. Being around a lot of in-person couples can be difficult when your loved one is far away. Finding others who get what that is like is a smart idea.

You are not the only one going through this. You are not the only person who feels like their partner lives inside of your phone. Find ways to make it through, connect over the miles, and one day, you will no longer have to be apart.

What are your best tips for surviving a long distance relationship?

To the Military Spouse Who Hates the Lonely Nights

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To the Military Spouse Who Hates the Lonely Nights

When a deployment begins, you, as the military spouse, have to find a new way of doing life. Things have changed, and you need to figure out how it will work in your home for the next few months. You need to figure out what works best and how you can get through the time apart.

Staying busy is essential. Filling that calendar. Making friends. Trying something new.

The Nights Can Feel Incredibly Lonely

But even if you, as a military spouse, have cracked the code and found ways to get through the day-to-day, the nights can feel incredibly lonely. When the kids are in bed, the kitchen has been cleaned, and the clothes put away.

It’s in those moments when the reality of it all can hit hard, crashing into you like a wave. Making you feel like you can’t possibly do this for the next bit of time they have to be away. Making you question how you even got to where you are in this moment.

It’s in the lonely nights when you miss them the most. You miss telling them about your day. You miss watching TV together. You miss having your person there right beside you.

You Can Feel Like the Rug Has Been Pulled Out From Under You

And beyond that, military spouse, you can feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you. What makes sense during the day, the duty, the honor. Can feel oh so messy in the night, when you feel like you need them the most.

So, to the military spouse who hates the lonely nights, know that you are not alone in these feelings. It is normal to feel this way, even if you have good deployment days. Even if you usually feel strong.

It’s okay to cry. To sit on your couch and let it all out. Because this stuff? It’s hard!

You Are Doing So Much On Your Own

Solo parenting includes doing bedtime alone. It includes planning and cooking all the meals. It means extra burnout and no one to cuddle up with after putting the kids to bed. And all of that is hard!

Military life during a deployment means having to do so much on your own, when it is usually shared with a partner. It means making extra decisions without being able to discuss them thoroughly. It means sitting alone after a hard day, when the loneliness can creep in. And all of that is hard!

So, if you are having a difficult time at night, if you feel loneliness a little too much, if you are struggling without your partner by your side, you are normal. And while it might seem like this will last forever, it won’t. Deployments eventually end.

One Day, the Deployment Will Be Over

Tell yourself this. Tell yourself that one day, they will be back home with you. Remind yourself how much you have already done. Look at all those nights you have already gotten through.

Find people who get it. Chat with a friend. Dive into an old TV show you can curl up with every night. Keep a journal, and write out your feelings before bed. Blast Taylor Swift’s newest album. Breathe and remember, you got this.

This is a difficult part of military life. And you will get through it, you will!

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

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As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

As military spouses, what happens in the world can hit us hard.

As we turn on our TV or log in to our social media account, we see another situation that will likely require the military to step in, deploy, and serve in the way they have been trained to do.

We wonder what this will mean for our own spouse. Will they have to go? Will they be gone a while? Will they be safe?

We just don’t know what will happen and we can get pretty freaked out by it all.

Some say this is what our spouses signed up for, but the reality is, we can never really know what a military career will look like.

By marrying a service member, we start a new journey.

Will it lead us to amazing places? Will we find our community? Will we be challenged beyond anything we could ever imagine?

Yes! Yes! And Yes!

Military life means deployments and moving, probably too often. It means going days, sometimes longer without being able to talk to the person we love. It means sitting back and having to wait to see what will happen next.

As the country tries to figure out what is going on overseas, we sit there knowing that if it isn’t our spouse going over there right now, it is someone else’s. If it isn’t our soldier leaving soon, it will be someday. And we know how hard these types of things can hit the military community as a whole.

I can tell you to stay strong, but the tears might still come. I can tell you not to worry, but there is so much to worry about. I can tell you to depend on your friends, and maybe that is the only thing you can do right now.

As I watch what is happening in the news, I wonder what is to come. Will this be another Iraq? Will this not be quite as bad as we think it might be? What is going to happen?

I wish we could see the future so we know what is ahead. I wish we could plan everything for the next five years. But the reality is no one really can, and as military spouses, we can’t know which way the tide will turn. We don’t know what all of it means for our spouse.

We have to just stay strong, as much as we can. We have to reach out when things feel a little too much. We can’t let all the little comments get to us, because let’s face it, not everyone is going to say the right thing.

This is an emotional time. There are many different viewpoints about what we should do, even within the military community. There are many different ways this could go.

There are so many things you will go through as a military spouse. Maybe your spouse will only serve for a few years, and you will look back at this time as the “Army years.” Maybe your spouse will serve over 30 years, and deployments are going to be a part of the memories of your life together. Whatever the case, saying goodbye to your spouse is never easy, especially when you are unsure of where they are going off to.

I can remember sitting with my friends and our kids at a McDonald’s in Germany. Our husbands, who had been deployed for over a year, were being extended. This seemed impossible. It seemed like something that couldn’t possibly happen.

But it did…

And as heartbreaking as that news was, as hard as the next few months were, somehow we got through that long deployment. Somehow we made it through those unsteady days.

When I see the articles about service members being deployed because of this new threat, I feel so much for their families.

For the new spouse, who didn’t think this would happen so soon.

For the seasoned spouse who thought this last year of military life was going to be uneventful.

To those who have been through this before and to those who have no experience with a long separation.

Know that we see you, and we have your back. The days won’t always be easy, but you have people praying for you. You have people who get it. You have people in your corner.

No matter what happens today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month, know you are not alone. We have each other. And that is something we can depend on!

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

Nineteen years ago, I boarded a plane with my 18-month-old to join my husband in Germany. He had been over there for about 4 months, and we were finally joining him. The time apart was quite a whirlwind for me as I adjusted to the way the Army did things, which was slower than I would have liked.

The flight over was long. The leg from Chicago to Madrid was the toughest. My son’s car seat wouldn’t fit and he didn’t sleep a wink. Finally, as we sat down on our short flight from Spain to Germany, he crashed on my lap.

We met my husband in baggage claim at the Frankfurt airport, sleepy and in a fog. Unless you count trips to Mexico as a teen, this was my first experience in a different country. This was my first experience in Europe. This would be my first experience on an Army post.

A few days later, I was walking my son in a stroller around the post. I stopped and just took everything in as a group of soldiers marched by. Up until a few months before, we had been a civilian couple, raising our son in a civilian family. But all of that had changed.

As the months passed, I began to feel more comfortable with my current situation. We were stationed in Schweinfurt, approximately two hours from Frankfurt in Bavaria. I was 26 years old, and the interesting thing was when my mom was my age she also moved to Germany, as a DoD teacher near Ramstein. I grew up with photos and souvenirs she had collected during her time there. I was so happy to experience some of what she did, but as a spouse instead of a teacher.

I made friends pretty quickly as our FRG was very active. There was also a deployment coming up and all of us could feel it. So many of us had little ones and soon after we got there I discovered I was pregnant with my second little boy. There was a lot going on and a lot to take in.

After we had been there for about five months, my husband deployed to Iraq. We assumed he would be back within a year, or even nine months. But that was the deployment that kept getting extended and he finally made it home after almost 15 months.

During that deployment, I learned so much about myself. About who I was as a mother, a wife, and a military spouse. It was my “welcome to this life” baptism that I didn’t really fully understand until much later, after moving back to the states and experiencing more deployments.

Our little community in Schweinfurt was something so special and different. For one thing, the post was pretty small. We only had about 3,000 soldiers. Compare that to Fort Campbell which has around 29,000 soldiers. Pretty much every soldier, unless you were on Rear D, was deployed. Most of the soldiers went to Iraq and some to Afghanistan. But the reality was, the post was made up of military spouses, going through a very long deployment, far from home.

During the first part of the deployment I was pregnant, and as I got closer to the birth, that was my main focus. My amazing mom came out planning to stay two months over the birth and after to help. I can’t even tell you how much this helped me. My son was born just four days before his due date and three days before my husband made it back to Germany for R&R.

During those two weeks, my dad came over to join us and we had a nice family Christmas together. My parents left us for a week to travel and we had a week as a family of four before my husband had to head back to Iraq. That week was truly amazing. I can’t even tell you about what he did, other than sorting out my son’s birth certificate, but our family needed that time.

R&R was over, and my husband and I woke up before dark to take him to the train station to head back to Iraq. My husband stood over my son’s crib and said goodbye, thinking he would be back in about five months. In the end, he didn’t get back from another 11, missing almost his whole first year.

My dad headed home soon after, and my brother came to visit which helped with the after R&R letdown. In February, my mom and brother had to head back home, and soon after I ended up in the hospital with my two-month-old for RSV. I was so thankful for my military spouse friends who stepped in to help me during that week.

Winter ended, and it started to warm up a bit in Germany but our husbands were still deployed. We, spouses, worked hard to stay busy, and spend time together. We had Monday mornings at the coffee shop, we met for lunch and met up at the park once it was warm enough to do so.

During those 15 months, I found myself in a tight-knit military community with almost all of us going through the same thing. This isn’t something you find in a lot of places, but this was my introduction to the military world. I didn’t realize at the time how different it would be at a stateside post when units were all coming and going at different times.

I learned through other military spouses, what they had been through in the past, and the lessons they had learned along the way. I learned true independence as I would go so long without being able to talk to my husband, and just had to figure everything out by myself. I realized what was important about parenting and what to let go of so that I could be the best mom for my kids.

The military was 100% in our face during this time. Yes, you could go off post and I did. I enjoyed walking my kids around in the double stroller and visiting all the different German shops. I was able to travel even more once my husband came home, going on a few USO trips.

But still, the military ruled so much about my life then. From where I got most of my groceries, to where I got my mail, to where my son went to preschool.

When we moved to the states, I found this wasn’t the norm. But it definitely shaped my military spouse experience.

Looking back, I am so glad I had the experiences I did. I was a part of history. I was a part of the military community. And learned so much along the way.

The Army has left Schweinfurt. If we were to visit again someday, we would find the area a very different place. I think they have knocked down most of the housing and there is no longer any American military presence. But the memories will stick with me forever.

The Halloween party we had when I was super pregnant. The Thanksgiving potluck we military spouses had while leaving computers on in hopes that a husband or two would log on. The time after R&R as I thought we were in the final stretch of the deployment and then learned we had so much more time to go.

The lonely nights we made better by spending time together while our kids played. The tensions that arose during a super stressful situation. Homecoming day, when the deployment was finally over, and we could get back to almost normal life while knowing we were now different people.

All of us were going through something so difficult but we had to find the strength to make it to the finish line and we had to do it together one day at a time. I will never forget those years, even if some of the details are fuzzy all these years later. I am thankful for being able to experience life overseas, and I am even more thankful for all that I learned while I was there.

Arriving at that small Army post in the middle of Bavaria as a brand new military spouse is something I will never forget.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

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I can still remember driving up to where we would drop off my husband. Other wives and children were already there. There were so many people standing around, worried and sad.  Soon, it was time to say goodbye. This was it.

He was really leaving. After we said our goodbyes, he kissed me and our 2-year-old goodbye, and he went to the gate. There, the men waited for what seemed like forever. Then they headed for the bus. I waited with the other wives.

And then waited some more. Then we saw the buses. They pulled out from where they were parked, with our husbands inside. The buses went right by us, and we waved. Then we cried. This was it. My first deployment. How was I going to make it through?

Somehow, I did just that. I got through this deployment. My husband left for Iraq for the first time in August 2006. 18 years have passed since that day and yet that day is still so fresh in my mind. I can still remember how I felt when he got on that bus when he said goodbye to us and started to walk away.

You won’t ever forget a deployment, and you are never going to forget your first deployment. You just don’t know how things are going to go, and you have no experience sending your spouse off to war.

Here are 15 tips for surviving your first deployment…

1. Find your battle buddies- You will need people to walk through this deployment with. They don’t necessarily have to be going through a deployment, too, but that helps. Having people to make plans with and go to on a regular basis during the deployment is going to help you a lot. If you don’t have any friends at your current duty station, see what you can do to get yourself out there to try to make some. They will make the deployment a little bit easier.

2. Invest in a journal- I love journaling. Doing so regularly can be good for you, especially during a deployment. Getting your thoughts out and doing a bit of a brain dump can be helpful when you can’t sleep or if you are feeling really anxious.

3. Remember, this is temporary– During my deployments, I would remind myself that the deployment was temporary. That feeling alone was temporary. That I would not always have to miss my husband and that he would be home after so many days. That the deployment ache I was feeling was only going to be around for a temporary amount of time.

4. Go Home—Going home for a deployment might be a good option for you. There are many factors to consider when making this decision. Consider whether going home would be good for you or if staying where you are would be best.

5. Ignore advice that doesn’t work for you- There are a lot of books and blog posts out there about deployments, and this is one of them. It’s okay if you read advice about how to survive a deployment and either don’t agree or don’t think the advice would work for you. We are all our own people and what works for one person might not work for another. Read the advice and find what will work for you.

6. Don’t stress the small stuff—Let it go. If you find yourself being stressed about little things, let them go. During a deployment, you will be more stressed out. You will be playing the role of both mom and dad, and you simply don’t have the time or patience to deal with little things. This might mean having to let something go or having to find new people to hang out with if your current friend circle is causing too much drama.

7. See what your post or base offers- You should take the time to look on your military post or military base to see what activities or programs they have available to you. As a deployed spouse, there might be certain benefits such as free babysitting or events and you will want to take part in them.

8. You are stronger than you think- You might not feel very strong at the moment. There might be too many days left to get through but you are stronger than you think and you can usually get through situations you never thought you could. Military life will make you a stronger person.

9. You are not the only one- However you are feeling during the deployment, know that you are not alone. There are other spouses out there feeling the same way that you are.

10. Not everyone is going to understand- The truth is, not everyone is going to understand how you are feeling during a deployment. Some spouses don’t struggle as much with deployments, and civilian friends might not know what it is like to live without a spouse. You should find people that let you be yourself during a deployment and stay away from those that bring you down.

11. Cry it out- Feel like you need to cry? Do so. Have a good cry and let everything out. Doing so will help you get through your day. Crying does not mean you are not strong. Crying is one way to release your emotions and doing so can be a good thing.

12. Be trustworthy- When you are away from your spouse you both need to be able to trust one another. Be a spouse that your husband can trust. Be there for them and let them know you are standing by while they do their job overseas. This will make the deployment a little easier on them and easier on you.

13. Don’t worry about the next one- Sometimes you will hear about the next deployment during your current deployment. Try not to let that bother you. That is in the future and you will have plenty of time to worry about that deployment then. In some cases, that future deployment might not happen. Try to just focus on the now and not worry about what will come in the months or years to come.

14. Get creative- Deployments can bring out your creativity. Design something, plan a trip, or just have extra fun with your kids. This will make the deployment go by a little faster.

15. Seek help if needed- In the end, if you are really struggling, seek help. You can see a counselor or a Chaplain. Don’t feel bad for having to do this. Going through a deployment can bring up a lot of emotions and you might struggle to know how to handle all of them. You can visit Military One Source for more information.

What tip would you give someone on surviving their first deployment?

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

The Waiting Military Spouse

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The Waiting Military Spouse

The Waiting Military Spouse

Military spouses have to wait. This is so much a part of the military lifestyle. So much a part of our lives as military spouses.

We wait for the enlistment to go through, not really knowing how much our life could change. Not really knowing what this will mean for us, for our marriage, for our family.

We wait for the first duty station. Will we stay close to home? Will we go overseas? Will we get homesick?

We wait for the movers to come. Is everything ready? Will anything break? Are we really doing this?

We are the waiting military spouses, always waiting on something. Always trying to make the best of it. Always looking for the silver lining.

We wait to feel like this new place as home, and wonder if it might never be. We wait to find new friends, missing those back at home or a previous duty station. We wait to figure out how to find our way in this new community.

We wait on deployment orders, knowing they will come soon. We wonder how we will make it through those months apart, and how we should handle the months before they have to go. We wonder what the deployment will really be like and if we have the strength to get through.

We wait as our spouse leaves for overseas, praying they make it home again. Praying that everyone stays safe. Praying that we can get through this time apart, even if one day at a time.

We wait as the homecoming date seems to change. We wait as we have to help our children through the deployment. We wait as the days seem long, and the weeks feel even longer.

We wait during those last few weeks of deployment. We wait to get the call they are actually coming home. And we wait with a toddler on our hip as we watch the plane land or the ship come in.

We wait as things will take time to get back to normal, and we wonder if they might never actually do so. We wait as we have to work to bring our spouse back into the family dynamic, and wonder if it is as hard for us as it is for other military families.

We wait on PCS orders, taking us to a new location. We are never really sure what that new home will be like. We hope for the best, and try to take it all in stride.

We wait to work on our own careers, knowing we can’t do exactly what we want from an overseas location. We wait to start our own path because sometimes solo parenting is a little too difficult. We sometimes have to wait on our own dreams or be creative in how to pursue them through the ups and downs of military life.

As military spouses, waiting is all a part of the game. We know this, and yet sometimes, that waiting seems too hard. We have to find ways to be patient, even if that patience doesn’t come naturally. Even if that patience is difficult to find.

We wait. For our spouse. For their career. For everything military life brings us. We wait. That’s what we do. We are the waiting military spouses.