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Deployment

75 Smart Tips for Surviving the Next Military Deployment

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75 Smart Tips for Surviving the Next Military Deployment

Deployment. Deployment. Deployment. That word is enough to turn a good day into a bad one. As military spouses, we know that deployments are a part of military life.

Surviving deployment is a must, even on those most difficult days. Whether your spouse deploys every few months or you go through a 9 or 12-month deployment every other year, you will need to figure out what works for you and how to get through.

Deployments are going to be a difficult part of your marriage, but that doesn’t mean they have to break you. That doesn’t mean they have to bring you down. With enough help and encouragement, you can get through your deployment, even if it is one day at a time.

Here are 75 tips for surviving deployment:

1. Make goals

Make a list of everything you want to while your spouse is deployed. Start on this list right after you say goodbye. Having goals will allow you to focus on something besides the fact that they are gone.

 

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2. Read some good books

Reading can be pretty therapeutic. Getting lost in a book will help you through those long deployment nights.

3. Try not to get jealous

Jealousy can be an issue during a deployment. You can get jealous of a friend who talks to their spouse more than you talk to yours or a friend whose husband is not deployed. Try not to compare your situation to others.

4. Find a routine

Routines are good. Even simple ones. Find a routine that works for you. Find one for your kids.

5. Take photos and make albums

Take lots of pictures, make albums, and then send them to your deployed spouse.

6. Learn OPSEC

OPSEC is so important! Learn what OPSEC means and make sure you don’t post what you shouldn’t on social media.

7. Call your Mother-in-law

She is the other person that misses your spouse as much as you do, even though it is in a different way.

8. Get organized

Organize your life. Having an organized home can help with your mood.

9. Be careful about the news

Some people can handle watching the news during a deployment; others can’t. Figure out which one you are and stick to it.

10. Pace yourself

Don’t try to do everything on day one. Pace yourself. You have a lot of days to get through.

11. Use technology for your advantage

We live in a time where technology allows us to video chat with a spouse deployed overseas. Remember how lucky we are.

12. Stay loyal

Don’t cheat. I know, do I even have to say that? But just don’t. Stay faithful. If you don’t want to be married anymore, you can talk about that with your spouse but don’t cheat on a deployed service member.

13. Start a countdown

Not everyone likes to countdown, but I do. It helps me celebrate the days I have been through and puts the deployment in perspective.

14. Know it’s okay if you don’t talk every day

Know that it is okay if you don’t talk to your spouse every day. Sometimes there will be missions that will take them away from the phones. Don’t freak out if you have to wait a few days. Remember, no news is good news.

75 Tips for surviving your deployment

15. Re-arrange your living room

Find a fresh look to your home. Move furniture around and have fun with it.

16. Go to church

If you are religious, go to church. Sundays are hard anyway. Being able to spend time at church part of the day is good for the soul.

17. Pray

Pray and use your faith to help ground you during the deployment.

18. Ask people to pray for you

Asking others to pray for you can help as well. If nothing else, you will know other people are thinking about you.

19. Pay off debt

Deployment is the perfect time to pay off debt. Get rid of extra bills and work towards your future.

20. Binge Watch

Deployment and Netflix go hand and hand. You can also have Hulu, Amazon, or any of the other streaming services.

21. Plan a Space-A trip

If your spouse is deployed, you get a higher priority when you Space-A. Take some time to look into how to Space-A and plan a trip.

22. Find a support group

Find a group you can depend on. It can be an actual support group or a more informal one. You can even start a deployment support group yourself.

23. Go to playgroups with your kids

Playgroups are the best. Time for your kids to play with other kids and you to talk with other moms.

24. Be open with your partner

During a deployment, it is important to be open with your partner. You are still married and being able to talk while they are away is important. Sometimes this might just mean writing letters and other times it will be phone calls and video chats.

25. Make new friends

Deployments can be a good time to make new friends. Find people who get you and what a deployment is like.

26. Explore your city

Take the time to get out and explore your city and community. It will be good for your soul.

27. Join a gym

Work on yourself during a deployment and join a gym. Hopefully one with childcare.

28. Wine

Drink the wine. But not too much.

29. Coffee

You know you need coffee. Invest in a nice coffee maker and have your daily cup.

75 Tips for surviving your deployment

30. Find a sitter

Find a good babysitter. She can watch your child when you head to the Commissary or just for a night out with friends.

31.  Start a business

Have you ever wanted your own business? Maybe now is the time to start. Doing so will keep you busy.

32. Start a deployment garden

Gardening gives you a chance to focus on something else and is good for you.

33. Listen to podcasts

Podcast are fantastic. There are so many awesome podcasts out there, on so many different topics.

34. Develop an easier nightly routine

When you have kids, bedtime is all up to you. Figure out if you can change your current routine to make the night a little easier for yourself.

35. Find me time

You are going to need to figure out a way to have me time during a deployment. Get creative if you have to and use the resources available in your community.

36. Let others know what you need

Don’t be afraid to let others know what you need. Friends want to help one another out.

37. Find something new to do

Find something new to try that you have never done before. Be adventurous.

38. Use the CDC

The CDC on your military post or base will probably have a CDC. Use it. Look into hourly care. It will save you.

39. Buy deployment books for your child

There are quite a few books on deployment that can help your child. Check them out.

40. Buy deployment books for yourself

There are deployment books for spouses too.

41. Send cute care packages

Get creative and send cute care packages. Holiday care packages are always a hit.

42. Buy cute stationery

During one of our deployments, I found stationery from where we went on our honeymoon. It was nice to write love letters on those and send them off to my husband.

43. Find your people

Finding your military spouse tribe is a must. Make plans with the people who can be there for you.

44. Go to an FRG meeting

I know FRG meetings get a bad rap, but they can be a very good thing. You will be walking into a room filled with other spouses going through the exact same thing you are.

75 Tips for surviving your deployment

45. Volunteer

Find a place to volunteer. This can help with boredom, help you develop friendships, and allow you to give back.

46. Trade babysitting with a friend

Find a good friend that you trust. Trade babysitting. This will save you money and still allow you to find that me time.

47. Ask for help

Sometimes we have to ask for help. We simply can’t do it all, all of the time.

48. Go on a mini-vacation

Spend the week in another city, visit a friend, or explore somewhere you have always wanted to go.

49. Visit home

Take a longer trip to visit home. See your parents, friends, and other family members. It will be good for your soul.

50. Work on your hobbies

Have you been putting off your favorite hobby? Deployment is a good time to get back into them.

51. Paint your house

Is there a room that needs a refreshing? Want to change the color? Start a painting project. Invite friends to help.

52. Join Facebook support groups

I have one for my blog. Reach out and help other people at the same time.

53. Follow Facebook pages

There are quite a few military support Facebook pages you can follow. Here is mine.

54. Get up and moving

Get up, shower, get dressed, and go somewhere. Every day. Even if you just take a walk around the neighborhood.

55. Assign chores

If you have kids, assign them some chores to help you out. If they are old enough, this can be such a good way to teach them responsibility and to give you a little bit of a break.

56. Write in a journal

Journals are amazing. You can write out whatever you feel like and no one can judge you for it.

57. Remember, this is temporary

Deployments don’t last forever. They eventually end. Remind yourself of that.

58. Drop the haters

You don’t need to be around people who are going to bring you down. Drop the haters and move on.

59. Check out activities on post

From MWR to the YMCA, see what is going on. There are always events you can go to, many of them are free.

60. Check out activities off post

Look into your local community to see what is going on.

61. Learn to cook something new

Try new recipes, look into learning something new. Get together with friends to share what you like to make.

62. Cry when you need to

Having a bad deployment day? Let it all out. Then pull yourself together to go on to the next day.

63. Seek extra help

Sometimes we need extra help. Don’t be afraid to start going to a counselor. They can help you more than you release.

64. Call your mom

Call your mom when you need to. Let it out. She can comfort you.

75 Tips for surviving your deployment

65. Find a new job

Find a new job, do something different, move up in your career.

66. Plan a post-deployment vacation

Talk to your spouse about what they want to do when they get home from the deployment. Plan the trip. That can be a fun distraction.

67. Start a blog

You have something to say about your experience. Start a blog and write about your situation.

68. Follow blogs

There are many military spouse blogs out there. Follow them. Learn from what they have to say.

69. Let things go

Sometimes we have to take a step back and let things go.

70. Know that you will have good days and bad days

Some deployment days will be good; some will be bad. That tends to be how things go.

71. Don’t worry about the next one

For many of us, there will be another deployment. Try not to worry about that during this deployment. You don’t know what the future will hold.

72. Text your friends

Texting can be a good way to connect with your best friends throughout the day. And can be helpful during a deployment.

73. Laugh

It’s okay to laugh. Smile. Have fun. It’s okay to do so during a deployment.

74. You be you

How you do deployment could be different than how your neighbor does, that’s okay. You do you.

75. Remember you got this. You are strong enough and brave enough to get through a deployment. 

 

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75 Smart Tips for Surviving the Next Military Deployment

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

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So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

You were trying, or maybe you weren’t. But the test is clear. You are pregnant, maybe with your first, maybe with your 4th but you know what this means.

Another baby…

A sibling for your two-year-old…

You are growing your family, just like you wanted to.

And as happy as you are, as excited as you are, there is something looming over your happiness.

Your husband, the father of your child, is deploying soon.

And you aren’t sure how you are going to handle everything. You just found out you are pregnant and he’s deploying…

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, there was a deployment in our future. We didn’t know exactly when. We didn’t know how long he would be gone. But we knew the deployment would happen.

And then it did. He left when I was 25 weeks pregnant, and I knew I had to figure out how to find my strength to get through this. I knew this deployment and pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy.

I had an almost two-year-old I would still need to take care of. I was already so tired but now I would be solo parenting. I also needed to figure out who would be with me during the birth. We didn’t know if my husband would be able to be there for that.

After he left and the deployment started, I went into survival mode and somehow got through the rest of my pregnancy. I made plans with friends, I asked my mom to come to stay with me over my due date, and I took each day as it came, making the best of the time with just my two-year-old.

If you have just found out you are pregnant and know there is a deployment in your future, here are a few things to think about:

Make Friends

Making friends through all of this is going to be such an important thing to do. You don’t have to go through this alone and having people who get what you are going through or can be there for you through everything is a must. When you are pregnant, you can also start getting out there and meeting other moms through places like MOPS or other groups on and off post.

Make Plans

With being pregnant and having a deployed spouse, you are going to need to make some plans. Who will you have there during your birth? What do you need to buy for your new baby? What will you do when you go into labor?

Make Time For Yourself

You need to make sure you are making time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. While staying busy is a must, you also want to make sure you aren’t taking on too much. Look at your schedule and see where you can take some time to just chill and relax, even if it is just for a few minutes a day.

Make Decisions For You

Being pregnant with a deployed spouse, you are going to have people give you all sorts of opinions about what you should do. From a family member insisting that you move home during the deployment to a neighbor expecting you to stay because she did. Try to figure out what would be best for you and your own situation and make decisions for you and your family.

So many of us have been through a pregnancy with a deployed service member or a spouse who has to be away for another type of training. When this happens it can bring up so many different feelings. You might wonder why your spouse has to miss such a precious time in your life.

Figuring out the tools to get you through this time is so important. You can figure out what works for you and your situation. And doing that can get you through the pregnancy, the birth, and any other time your spouse will have to miss.

Have you been pregnant during a deployment? What got you through?

To the Military Spouse Who Hates the Lonely Nights

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To the Military Spouse Who Hates the Lonely Nights

When a deployment begins, you, as the military spouse, have to find a new way of doing life. Things have changed, and you need to figure out how it will work in your home for the next few months. You need to figure out what works best and how you can get through the time apart.

Staying busy is essential. Filling that calendar. Making friends. Trying something new.

The Nights Can Feel Incredibly Lonely

But even if you, as a military spouse, have cracked the code and found ways to get through the day-to-day, the nights can feel incredibly lonely. When the kids are in bed, the kitchen has been cleaned, and the clothes put away.

It’s in those moments when the reality of it all can hit hard, crashing into you like a wave. Making you feel like you can’t possibly do this for the next bit of time they have to be away. Making you question how you even got to where you are in this moment.

It’s in the lonely nights when you miss them the most. You miss telling them about your day. You miss watching TV together. You miss having your person there right beside you.

You Can Feel Like the Rug Has Been Pulled Out From Under You

And beyond that, military spouse, you can feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you. What makes sense during the day, the duty, the honor. Can feel oh so messy in the night, when you feel like you need them the most.

So, to the military spouse who hates the lonely nights, know that you are not alone in these feelings. It is normal to feel this way, even if you have good deployment days. Even if you usually feel strong.

It’s okay to cry. To sit on your couch and let it all out. Because this stuff? It’s hard!

You Are Doing So Much On Your Own

Solo parenting includes doing bedtime alone. It includes planning and cooking all the meals. It means extra burnout and no one to cuddle up with after putting the kids to bed. And all of that is hard!

Military life during a deployment means having to do so much on your own, when it is usually shared with a partner. It means making extra decisions without being able to discuss them thoroughly. It means sitting alone after a hard day, when the loneliness can creep in. And all of that is hard!

So, if you are having a difficult time at night, if you feel loneliness a little too much, if you are struggling without your partner by your side, you are normal. And while it might seem like this will last forever, it won’t. Deployments eventually end.

One Day, the Deployment Will Be Over

Tell yourself this. Tell yourself that one day, they will be back home with you. Remind yourself how much you have already done. Look at all those nights you have already gotten through.

Find people who get it. Chat with a friend. Dive into an old TV show you can curl up with every night. Keep a journal, and write out your feelings before bed. Blast Taylor Swift’s newest album. Breathe and remember, you got this.

This is a difficult part of military life. And you will get through it, you will!

Feeling Lonely When Your Spouse Goes Off To War

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My son was just about 22 months old when my husband first went off to war.

I was pregnant with our 2nd child and had no clue what to expect. Deployments were a whole new world for me. Luckily I had a group of other wives whose husbands were in the same Company as mine. This made saying goodbye a little easier.

I remember after the men got on the buses. Sitting with a few other wives. Waiting to see them drive by so we could wave one more time.

As we sat there, we really didn’t know what we were really dealing with. We didn’t know then how hard the time apart would be, how long the deployment would last, and what the next 15 months would look like.

Feeling Lonely When Your Spouse Goes Off To War

We had no idea how lonely we would feel. 

I went home to my house with my little boy and we started the deployment. At first, the deployment felt manageable. My mom was going to come and stay with us for two months when the baby was supposed to come. I knew I would be busy with a newborn and a two-year-old.

My son was born, my husband came home for R&R, then he left again. My mom went home. My son got sick. He got better. Spring came.

As the months went on, the deployment got harder and harder.

The feeling of loneliness took over me. I remember sitting in my bathroom, after my son went to sleep, wondering how I was going to get through that time without my husband.

He is the one person I could talk to about anything. Even the silly things. The everyday things. The things spouses talk about with only one another.

By this point in the deployment, I wasn’t even able to talk to him that much. I think the longest we went was 30 days. 30 days without anything from my husband.

I felt like I was in a weird place. I knew I was married, but I didn’t feel like I was. I knew I had a husband out there that loved me, but it seemed like it was something from another time. Your mind can really play tricks on you.

Having a community to depend on is the #1 thing you can do when you reach this point of the deployment.

When you feel so lonely and you would give anything to have a real conversation with another adult. When you crave your spouse’s touch, but you know you have to wait for a while for that. Having a community of other spouses to talk about this with is what got me through those months.

When they told us that our husbands would be extended during the surge in Iraq in 2007, that they would not come home after a year, we all met at McDonald’s to let the kids play. We cried together and tried to figure out how we were going to get through this deployment extension. We knew we could not handle this alone. We knew we needed each other.

So while I still struggled with that loneliness, especially at night, when the house was quiet, I was glad to have a circle of friends around me who got what I was going through. That I could vent with, cry with, and get through the deployment with.

They made all of the difference and going into future deployments I learned that having that circle was a must.

Loneliness during a deployment can hit us hard.

We might assume we can avoid feeling lonely, especially if we have so many other things to focus on. But sometimes loneliness can hit when we least expect it. 

Sometimes loneliness hits during a trip to a grocery store, or when grabbing a cup of coffee. Sometimes it hits when watching a movie, or talking about something unrelated to military life. Sometimes that loneliness hits and we can’t get rid of it on our own.

When that loneliness hits, find ways to stay busy and get up and get moving. Write in a journal, take a long walk with your kids, or call a good friend. Find things you know you can do when the emotion hits you hard. Doing so is your best defense against loneliness. 

How do you handle loneliness during your spouse’s deployment???

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

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As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

As military spouses, what happens in the world can hit us hard.

As we turn on our TV or log in to our social media account, we see another situation that will likely require the military to step in, deploy, and serve in the way they have been trained to do.

We wonder what this will mean for our own spouse. Will they have to go? Will they be gone a while? Will they be safe?

We just don’t know what will happen and we can get pretty freaked out by it all.

Some say this is what our spouses signed up for, but the reality is, we can never really know what a military career will look like.

By marrying a service member, we start a new journey.

Will it lead us to amazing places? Will we find our community? Will we be challenged beyond anything we could ever imagine?

Yes! Yes! And Yes!

Military life means deployments and moving, probably too often. It means going days, sometimes longer without being able to talk to the person we love. It means sitting back and having to wait to see what will happen next.

As the country tries to figure out what is going on overseas, we sit there knowing that if it isn’t our spouse going over there right now, it is someone else’s. If it isn’t our soldier leaving soon, it will be someday. And we know how hard these types of things can hit the military community as a whole.

I can tell you to stay strong, but the tears might still come. I can tell you not to worry, but there is so much to worry about. I can tell you to depend on your friends, and maybe that is the only thing you can do right now.

As I watch what is happening in the news, I wonder what is to come. Will this be another Iraq? Will this not be quite as bad as we think it might be? What is going to happen?

I wish we could see the future so we know what is ahead. I wish we could plan everything for the next five years. But the reality is no one really can, and as military spouses, we can’t know which way the tide will turn. We don’t know what all of it means for our spouse.

We have to just stay strong, as much as we can. We have to reach out when things feel a little too much. We can’t let all the little comments get to us, because let’s face it, not everyone is going to say the right thing.

This is an emotional time. There are many different viewpoints about what we should do, even within the military community. There are many different ways this could go.

There are so many things you will go through as a military spouse. Maybe your spouse will only serve for a few years, and you will look back at this time as the “Army years.” Maybe your spouse will serve over 30 years, and deployments are going to be a part of the memories of your life together. Whatever the case, saying goodbye to your spouse is never easy, especially when you are unsure of where they are going off to.

I can remember sitting with my friends and our kids at a McDonald’s in Germany. Our husbands, who had been deployed for over a year, were being extended. This seemed impossible. It seemed like something that couldn’t possibly happen.

But it did…

And as heartbreaking as that news was, as hard as the next few months were, somehow we got through that long deployment. Somehow we made it through those unsteady days.

When I see the articles about service members being deployed because of this new threat, I feel so much for their families.

For the new spouse, who didn’t think this would happen so soon.

For the seasoned spouse who thought this last year of military life was going to be uneventful.

To those who have been through this before and to those who have no experience with a long separation.

Know that we see you, and we have your back. The days won’t always be easy, but you have people praying for you. You have people who get it. You have people in your corner.

No matter what happens today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month, know you are not alone. We have each other. And that is something we can depend on!

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

Nineteen years ago, I boarded a plane with my 18-month-old to join my husband in Germany. He had been over there for about 4 months, and we were finally joining him. The time apart was quite a whirlwind for me as I adjusted to the way the Army did things, which was slower than I would have liked.

The flight over was long. The leg from Chicago to Madrid was the toughest. My son’s car seat wouldn’t fit and he didn’t sleep a wink. Finally, as we sat down on our short flight from Spain to Germany, he crashed on my lap.

We met my husband in baggage claim at the Frankfurt airport, sleepy and in a fog. Unless you count trips to Mexico as a teen, this was my first experience in a different country. This was my first experience in Europe. This would be my first experience on an Army post.

A few days later, I was walking my son in a stroller around the post. I stopped and just took everything in as a group of soldiers marched by. Up until a few months before, we had been a civilian couple, raising our son in a civilian family. But all of that had changed.

As the months passed, I began to feel more comfortable with my current situation. We were stationed in Schweinfurt, approximately two hours from Frankfurt in Bavaria. I was 26 years old, and the interesting thing was when my mom was my age she also moved to Germany, as a DoD teacher near Ramstein. I grew up with photos and souvenirs she had collected during her time there. I was so happy to experience some of what she did, but as a spouse instead of a teacher.

I made friends pretty quickly as our FRG was very active. There was also a deployment coming up and all of us could feel it. So many of us had little ones and soon after we got there I discovered I was pregnant with my second little boy. There was a lot going on and a lot to take in.

After we had been there for about five months, my husband deployed to Iraq. We assumed he would be back within a year, or even nine months. But that was the deployment that kept getting extended and he finally made it home after almost 15 months.

During that deployment, I learned so much about myself. About who I was as a mother, a wife, and a military spouse. It was my “welcome to this life” baptism that I didn’t really fully understand until much later, after moving back to the states and experiencing more deployments.

Our little community in Schweinfurt was something so special and different. For one thing, the post was pretty small. We only had about 3,000 soldiers. Compare that to Fort Campbell which has around 29,000 soldiers. Pretty much every soldier, unless you were on Rear D, was deployed. Most of the soldiers went to Iraq and some to Afghanistan. But the reality was, the post was made up of military spouses, going through a very long deployment, far from home.

During the first part of the deployment I was pregnant, and as I got closer to the birth, that was my main focus. My amazing mom came out planning to stay two months over the birth and after to help. I can’t even tell you how much this helped me. My son was born just four days before his due date and three days before my husband made it back to Germany for R&R.

During those two weeks, my dad came over to join us and we had a nice family Christmas together. My parents left us for a week to travel and we had a week as a family of four before my husband had to head back to Iraq. That week was truly amazing. I can’t even tell you about what he did, other than sorting out my son’s birth certificate, but our family needed that time.

R&R was over, and my husband and I woke up before dark to take him to the train station to head back to Iraq. My husband stood over my son’s crib and said goodbye, thinking he would be back in about five months. In the end, he didn’t get back from another 11, missing almost his whole first year.

My dad headed home soon after, and my brother came to visit which helped with the after R&R letdown. In February, my mom and brother had to head back home, and soon after I ended up in the hospital with my two-month-old for RSV. I was so thankful for my military spouse friends who stepped in to help me during that week.

Winter ended, and it started to warm up a bit in Germany but our husbands were still deployed. We, spouses, worked hard to stay busy, and spend time together. We had Monday mornings at the coffee shop, we met for lunch and met up at the park once it was warm enough to do so.

During those 15 months, I found myself in a tight-knit military community with almost all of us going through the same thing. This isn’t something you find in a lot of places, but this was my introduction to the military world. I didn’t realize at the time how different it would be at a stateside post when units were all coming and going at different times.

I learned through other military spouses, what they had been through in the past, and the lessons they had learned along the way. I learned true independence as I would go so long without being able to talk to my husband, and just had to figure everything out by myself. I realized what was important about parenting and what to let go of so that I could be the best mom for my kids.

The military was 100% in our face during this time. Yes, you could go off post and I did. I enjoyed walking my kids around in the double stroller and visiting all the different German shops. I was able to travel even more once my husband came home, going on a few USO trips.

But still, the military ruled so much about my life then. From where I got most of my groceries, to where I got my mail, to where my son went to preschool.

When we moved to the states, I found this wasn’t the norm. But it definitely shaped my military spouse experience.

Looking back, I am so glad I had the experiences I did. I was a part of history. I was a part of the military community. And learned so much along the way.

The Army has left Schweinfurt. If we were to visit again someday, we would find the area a very different place. I think they have knocked down most of the housing and there is no longer any American military presence. But the memories will stick with me forever.

The Halloween party we had when I was super pregnant. The Thanksgiving potluck we military spouses had while leaving computers on in hopes that a husband or two would log on. The time after R&R as I thought we were in the final stretch of the deployment and then learned we had so much more time to go.

The lonely nights we made better by spending time together while our kids played. The tensions that arose during a super stressful situation. Homecoming day, when the deployment was finally over, and we could get back to almost normal life while knowing we were now different people.

All of us were going through something so difficult but we had to find the strength to make it to the finish line and we had to do it together one day at a time. I will never forget those years, even if some of the details are fuzzy all these years later. I am thankful for being able to experience life overseas, and I am even more thankful for all that I learned while I was there.

Arriving at that small Army post in the middle of Bavaria as a brand new military spouse is something I will never forget.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!