Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

To the Seasoned Military Spouse

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the seasoned spouse

The truth is, you might be a seasoned military spouse, you might have advice to offer and you have definitely been there before, but you are also a human being.

You have done this before, deployments aren’t a new thing, and you feel like you have to be strong, for all the new military spouses around you.

But the reality is, after the FRG meeting is over, after you get home and crawl into bed, your heart still worries over this upcoming deployment. You wonder how you will get through another nine months apart. You wonder if this will be the deployment something bad happens, how many times can someone go over there and come back the same?

Just Because You Are a Seasoned Military Spouse…

Even as a seasoned military spouse, you have the right to miss your spouse too.

You have the right to not have all the answers.

You have the right to be the one that needs the shoulder to cry on instead of the other way around.

No Matter How Long You Have Been A Military Spouse

Because no matter how long you have been a military spouse, no matter how long you have lived a military life, you might never be fully prepared for your own emotions during the difficult parts.

As a seasoned spouse, you know that you can’t spend the whole deployment complaining, but it is okay to share with your close friends that you are having a hard time.

As a seasoned spouse, you probably look back on everything you have been through and wonder how you got to where you are today. You remember when you were the brand new spouse, walking onto your very first military installation, unsure of what the future held.

Looking for Deployment Advice?:

19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

Sharing Your Personal Story is Important

As a seasoned spouse, you know you can help other military spouses and sharing your personal story can help them more than you might realize.

I know for myself, I have always looked at those who have been doing this longer than I have, and have been able to learn what worked for them, and even what didn’t.

There is this idea that in order to support your military service member you have to appear as an unmovable tower of strength. And maybe you don’t always feel like you are. Maybe you too need some encouragement.

It’s Okay to Ask For Help

So, to the seasoned military spouse, know that you have a lot to offer but you can also be the one asking for help. You can be the one that needs to vent, and you can be the one that just needs a night off from the stress.

The military changes over time and what things were like in 1999 were different than in 2009 and different even more here in 2019.

You might start to feel that what worked for you 10 years ago won’t work again now, and maybe that is true. However, you are resilient and you will find ways to cope, even if this new age of the military.

Be kind to yourself, take breaks when you can, and know that you can get through this too. Learn your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses. Reach out to others for help, and help those around you that might need that little extra support.

Do you consider yourself a seasoned military spouse?

To the Seasoned Military Spouse

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

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Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

I can’t help but look back over the years as a military spouse and think about the people I’ve met. How some of them have this military life down pat, and others struggle a little bit more. My heart is with the military community and will always be, no matter how many years take me away from my personal experience with this life.

From when their spouse first leaves for boot camp until they try to make their way through the transition back to civilian life, we military spouses have to go through situations that others do not.

We put our spouse on an airplane and send them off to one of the most dangerous places in the world. We do this, holding the hands of our children who don’t quite understand why Daddy or Mommy has to be away for so long. We do this knowing they have a dangerous job and they might not come back. We do this because deep down we know that support our spouse is what we must do, through this crazy military life.

We, military spouses, make friends with people from all over the country and the world. We might be coming from different places with different backgrounds but we have one thing in common, the love of our service member and the desire to support them throughout their career. I might have grown up in California and you might have grown up in Alaska but we can bond over our love of books and the craziness of raising children in the military world.

We, military spouses, might have to move to the middle of nowhere, away from anything we have ever known.

We might have to give up our own career, even if just for a few years. We might feel a bit lost not knowing what we should be focusing on during this time of our lives. But this just gives us a reason to think outside the box and figure out a way to make our dreams come true, even within the military lifestyle.

We, military spouses, have to learn how to adjust even when we really don’t want to. We might love where we are stationed and then one day our spouse comes home and tells us we are moving to the other side of the country, in a place we never wanted to go. We have to bloom where we are stationed but sometimes that is easier than others, especially if there is a beach nearby.

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

We, military spouses, get to go places and see things we would never have had our spouse never joined the military.

I have a child that was born in Germany! Another country! Sometimes I think about that and take a step back in this crazy life that we made just because of my husband enlisted one day in 2005.

We, military spouses, have seen hardships. We have seen friends lose their husbands, either to war or years later to something else. We have seen marriages that seemed so strong fall apart.

We, military spouses, have seen our own husbands act differently than we ever thought they would. The fact is, war changes people and when your husband has been to war, he will change. Some service members handle these changes better than others. Some don’t handle them at all.

And yet, the military spouse tries her best to support her spouse through everything, even as things do not go as planned.

When I meet new military spouses, I want to hug them. And I am not a big hugger. I want to let them know that this life they started is going to be a crazy one but in a lot of ways, it will also be a good one.

They might not be the same person five or ten years from now but because of this crazy military life they will grow and will most likely become a better person through everything they have to deal with. That this military life will not always be easy, that they might cry a lot and that friends will come and go. That their faith will be shaken and made stronger. That their ideas about marriage and even motherhood will be shaken to the core.

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

If you are a new military spouse, know that you are now a part of a strong community that wants to help you through what you will encounter in the years to come. If you are not such a new military spouse, know that what you have been through has made you stronger and will allow you to help others in the future. Don’t be afraid to share your stories and your experiences, they can help.

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

As you are living your military spouse life, take it one day at a time if you need to. And remember, you are stronger than you think.

9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

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9 Ways to Stretch Your Budget When Money’s Really Tight

There are many reasons why a military family could be on a tight budget. They could be saving for a PCS, paying off debt, or simply hit by the economy, where everything seems to be going up in price.

There could be times during military life when you need a super tight budget and when you can spend a bit more. Whatever the reasons, there are things you can do to help you save money, not overspend, and be able to stick to your budget.

Here are 9 ideas for saving money on a tight budget:

Cut Down On Eating Out

Eating out will get you. We are a family of five, and sometimes even fast food costs between $50 and $60. Yikes! If you do this too many times a month, it can add up. If you go out to eat, try to find coupons and use your military discount. Look for kids eat free nights, and be smart about what you order. Try to look at eating out as a treat, not an everyday thing.

Use Coupons

If you don’t already coupon, you should. There are many different ways to do so, from clipping the coupons that come in the mail to using an app like Ibotta. You should also do your research about whether the Commissary is truly cheaper than another grocery store in your area. Sometimes it’s not.

Meet friends for coffee

Going out to lunch or dinner with friends can sometimes cost a pretty penny. If you meet for coffee, you can spend a lot less and still have a good time. And if you have kids, look for coffee shops near a playground. We have a few here at Fort Campbell that have been lifesavers for me over the years.

Shop thrift stores

Thrift stores can be fantastic places for finding deals, whether it is clothes that you know your kids are going to grow out of in less than a year or replacement dishes for your kitchen. Some thrift stores have days when specific items are on sale or when they offer certain discounts. Make sure to check to see if you have an on-post thrift store, too.

Find free events

Almost every community will have something free for you to do every weekend. You just have to look for what they are. You can search for events by city, topic, and date on Facebook. If you want to do something fun with your family, look and see what is going on and what you might want to do. You can have a lot of fun at free events and save money by going to them.

Cut Your Bills

Do you have many unnecessary subscriptions? It’s time to audit them and only keep the ones you really want. Check your other bills to see if you can lower them. Even $50-100 a month can make a difference.

Simply Say No

Saying no is powerful. You don’t have to say yes to everything. I know this is hard for some, but if you can say no sometimes, you will save yourself some stress and some money.

If someone invites you and your kids out to a movie and you don’t want to see it, say no. You could invite the friends over for a playdate instead. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to everything, especially when the more you say yes to the more money you will spend.

DIY vs Hiring Someone

If you can do a DIY project instead of hiring someone, do it. There is a lot of advice and ideas out there for learning how to do things around your home. Check out YouTube and Pinterest for ideas.

Use your library

With a good library, you never really have to buy books. You can get paperback and hardback books, as well as Kindle and audiobooks, using apps like the Libby app. Check with your library to see what they offer. In addition to books, your library might have a lot of community events going on such as movie nights, or even classes.

What creative ways have you been able to cut back on your spending and save money when you are on a tighter budget?

How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

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How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

One of the hot topics in the military spouse world is how we, as military spouses, can chase our dreams during the craziness of military life. There is always a reason not to move forward, and there always seem to be obstacles in our way. But does it have to be this way?

Here are a few things you can do to still chase your dreams as a military spouse:

Go to School

Going to school is something you can do to further your own career. You can go back to school, and finish a degree you have already started. You can look to get another degree or to start college in the first place. You have a lot of options for what you can do to further your education.

Sit down and think about what you would want to do. Look at the different programs that are out there and figure out what will work for you. Take the first step and look into applying to get started. You will be glad that you did.

Write a Book

Do you know much about a topic you want to share with the world? Are you a fiction writer, ready to start putting your stories down on paper? Maybe now is the time for you to write your book. If nothing else, get your ideas out on paper and see where that leads.

These days, you don’t have to go with a traditional publisher. Many writers self-publish their own Ebooks, and that can be an option for you. Do your research on writing a book and follow your book writing dream.

Start a Business

Military spouses love to start businesses. There are different ways to do this too. You can join a direct sales business and skip some of the steps to get started. You might be a creator and can start to sell your own homemade products. For some, selling advice or career help can be a way to get going on a business.

There are so many options these days, and you are not limited by what is available locally. The whole internet is at your fingertips. Military spouses are rocking it as successful entrepreneurs and that might be the right direction for you too.

Find a new job

Maybe you are a SAHM or maybe you are in a job you are not too excited about. Finding a new job could be the answer. You can find a job that will get you closer to where you want to be in the long term.

How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

For example, if you are good at managing your money, you might consider a career as a financial advisor. First Command explains a bit why in this article.

Don’t get discouraged about finding a job and keep looking until you find something. Sometimes this might mean thinking outside the box. You might not always end up with your dream job, your current duty station could make that impossible, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something that will work for the current season of your life.

Sign-up for LinkedIn

LinkedIn is more than just a place to search for jobs. LinkedIn is filled with networking opportunities. You never know who you might connect with or what that relationship will lead to.

Volunteer

There are always plenty of volunteer opportunities in your community. Some might be on base or post, and some might be off. If you want to work on a particular career in the future, look at what you can do that is similar or will help you later on. Volunteer work can look excellent on a resume and can fill in gaps if you are unable to find another type of job.

Whatever you decide to do, remember, your dreams are important too. While there could be certain circumstances when you can’t do exactly what you want to do for your career or your future during certain seasons of life, that does not mean this will be the case forever. Don’t be afraid to dream big, know that you can follow your own heart, and figure out how to make things work during your spouse’s military career.

How have you worked on your own career during your time as a military spouse?

5 Truths About Finding Community When You Feel Alone

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5 Truths About Finding Community When You Feel Alone

Moving every few years means you have to find a new friend base every few years, which can be complicated. You can and should keep in touch with friends across the miles. These friends might live in your phone the rest of your life, but those relationships are important. However, finding your people where you live is important too.

But getting out there, getting rejected, or feeling like you might be alone can make finding friends more difficult. The truth is, finding your people isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it can take a lot of time and work, and that can be emotionally exhausting.

Here are some truths about finding community when you do feel alone:

It won’t look the same every time

At some duty stations, you might find your people right away. Only to move and have it take forever to do the same somewhere else. This is just how life works. Don’t give up hope if it is harder than it used to be. Your people are still out there.

You’re allowed to grieve your last community

Leaving a community you love is disappointing, and it’s okay to grieve that. You don’t want to let it keep you from trying in your new home, but it is okay to be sad about having to move away from it.

You might have to make the first move

I know, I know. This is the hard part. But you might have to make the first move with a potential new friendship. You may need to reach out and ask if you want to meet for coffee, a playdate, or even a night out without the kids. This can be hard to do, but it can also be the opening to a wonderful friendship.

Friendships for a season

Some friendships might be for a season. What happens if you meet someone with only a few months left at your new duty station? They can still be worth friending even if you won’t live in the same place for long. Making friends can lead to other friends and connections. And even just a few months is enough time to make fun memories.

People are always coming and going in the military community, so don’t shy away from meeting people who might not physically be around for long. You can still keep in touch, and you might be surprised by how your friendship can develop, even across the miles.

You are worthy of friendship, no matter who you are

You are worthy of finding friends, your people, and your community. You won’t always connect with everyone, and that’s okay. You may have to put yourself out there more than you want to, but finding those people can all be worth it.

Military life is hard, and being able to do it with people by your side makes it all so much easier. Even if it doesn’t look how you want it to look for a season. Remember, things change, and you never know what the next day, week, month, or year might bring.

5 Truths About Finding Community When You Feel Alone

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

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I can still remember driving up to where we would drop off my husband. Other wives and children were already there. There were so many people standing around, worried and sad.  Soon, it was time to say goodbye. This was it.

He was really leaving. After we said our goodbyes, he kissed me and our 2-year-old goodbye, and he went to the gate. There, the men waited for what seemed like forever. Then they headed for the bus. I waited with the other wives.

And then waited some more. Then we saw the buses. They pulled out from where they were parked, with our husbands inside. The buses went right by us, and we waved. Then we cried. This was it. My first deployment. How was I going to make it through?

Somehow, I did just that. I got through this deployment. My husband left for Iraq for the first time in August 2006. 18 years have passed since that day and yet that day is still so fresh in my mind. I can still remember how I felt when he got on that bus when he said goodbye to us and started to walk away.

You won’t ever forget a deployment, and you are never going to forget your first deployment. You just don’t know how things are going to go, and you have no experience sending your spouse off to war.

Here are 15 tips for surviving your first deployment…

1. Find your battle buddies- You will need people to walk through this deployment with. They don’t necessarily have to be going through a deployment, too, but that helps. Having people to make plans with and go to on a regular basis during the deployment is going to help you a lot. If you don’t have any friends at your current duty station, see what you can do to get yourself out there to try to make some. They will make the deployment a little bit easier.

2. Invest in a journal- I love journaling. Doing so regularly can be good for you, especially during a deployment. Getting your thoughts out and doing a bit of a brain dump can be helpful when you can’t sleep or if you are feeling really anxious.

3. Remember, this is temporary– During my deployments, I would remind myself that the deployment was temporary. That feeling alone was temporary. That I would not always have to miss my husband and that he would be home after so many days. That the deployment ache I was feeling was only going to be around for a temporary amount of time.

4. Go Home—Going home for a deployment might be a good option for you. There are many factors to consider when making this decision. Consider whether going home would be good for you or if staying where you are would be best.

5. Ignore advice that doesn’t work for you- There are a lot of books and blog posts out there about deployments, and this is one of them. It’s okay if you read advice about how to survive a deployment and either don’t agree or don’t think the advice would work for you. We are all our own people and what works for one person might not work for another. Read the advice and find what will work for you.

6. Don’t stress the small stuff—Let it go. If you find yourself being stressed about little things, let them go. During a deployment, you will be more stressed out. You will be playing the role of both mom and dad, and you simply don’t have the time or patience to deal with little things. This might mean having to let something go or having to find new people to hang out with if your current friend circle is causing too much drama.

7. See what your post or base offers- You should take the time to look on your military post or military base to see what activities or programs they have available to you. As a deployed spouse, there might be certain benefits such as free babysitting or events and you will want to take part in them.

8. You are stronger than you think- You might not feel very strong at the moment. There might be too many days left to get through but you are stronger than you think and you can usually get through situations you never thought you could. Military life will make you a stronger person.

9. You are not the only one- However you are feeling during the deployment, know that you are not alone. There are other spouses out there feeling the same way that you are.

10. Not everyone is going to understand- The truth is, not everyone is going to understand how you are feeling during a deployment. Some spouses don’t struggle as much with deployments, and civilian friends might not know what it is like to live without a spouse. You should find people that let you be yourself during a deployment and stay away from those that bring you down.

11. Cry it out- Feel like you need to cry? Do so. Have a good cry and let everything out. Doing so will help you get through your day. Crying does not mean you are not strong. Crying is one way to release your emotions and doing so can be a good thing.

12. Be trustworthy- When you are away from your spouse you both need to be able to trust one another. Be a spouse that your husband can trust. Be there for them and let them know you are standing by while they do their job overseas. This will make the deployment a little easier on them and easier on you.

13. Don’t worry about the next one- Sometimes you will hear about the next deployment during your current deployment. Try not to let that bother you. That is in the future and you will have plenty of time to worry about that deployment then. In some cases, that future deployment might not happen. Try to just focus on the now and not worry about what will come in the months or years to come.

14. Get creative- Deployments can bring out your creativity. Design something, plan a trip, or just have extra fun with your kids. This will make the deployment go by a little faster.

15. Seek help if needed- In the end, if you are really struggling, seek help. You can see a counselor or a Chaplain. Don’t feel bad for having to do this. Going through a deployment can bring up a lot of emotions and you might struggle to know how to handle all of them. You can visit Military One Source for more information.

What tip would you give someone on surviving their first deployment?

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

How One Military Spouse Said Yes to the Journey and Ended Up With An Amazing Career

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Animal in africa

Wouldn’t it be fun to be in the same Time Zone? This question kept bouncing around in my head. My husband had been called up from the US Navy Reserves and was stationed at As Sayliyah Army Base, Qatar.

After 18 years of marriage, I was used to the Active Duty / Civilian Life hybrid. On 9-11, as I watched the second Twin Tower fall, my husband called from work. He asked me to be prepared to take a phone call from his Navy Reserve Command. By that afternoon, I received the call that he was to report for Duty immediately. Now, nine years later, it was time for him to once again report for Active Duty. 

After we were married, as the “trailing spouse,” nonprofits were my specialty. With a passion for Human Rights and International Development, I spent most of my time Stateside, occasionally taking short assignments in Africa. With my husband being recalled to Qatar, it seemed like the right time to take the leap. I was going to work in Africa full-time.  

Elephant in Africa

Easier said than done. For months, I started going to job sites and scouring openings each day. One day, at my wit’s end, I called my husband and started moaning and complaining. “There is nothing out there. No job fits my skillset.” My kind husband sternly told me to find two jobs.

Regardless of how well they fit, apply. Knowing he was right, I went back online and was surprised to find an opening I hadn’t seen before. Odd, as it was posted over a month before. While not exactly my skillset, it was in the perfect place for me, South Sudan. 

As fate would have it, I had been working with the Lost Boys and South Sudan on the Referendum for Independence. In 2011, the Republic of South Sudan became the newest nation on Earth. If I could land this job, I’d not only fulfill my dream of truly helping build the nation, but I could also be in the same Time Zone as my husband. I applied.

Africa

Fast forward several months, and I received an email. Would I be willing to come to New York City for a job interview? What an opportunity! I walked around Central Park discussing my role with the Wildlife Conservation Society South Sudan.

It was a hot Summer Day in NYC. Many of the questions kept coming back to my being a Military Spouse. Interestingly, I later found out that this played a key role in their hiring me. They believed my ability to handle life as a MilSpouse showed that I could live and work in South Sudan. I had hit the MilSpouse Lottery! Woohoo!

In reality, my husband was feted by the Qataris. He enjoyed Jet Skiing and friendly Shooting Competitions with his Qatari counterparts. As I lay sweating in our Juba Guesthouse, listening to Antonovs circling the skies, his Army Chaplain frequently asked if I was okay. But, even though our camp in Boma, South Sudan, had become snake-infested, I forged lifelong friendships. 

Animals in Africa

Out of hardship comes strength and clarity. I so deeply love our mission of saving Africa’s Wildlife that it became my mission. Upon returning home, when my husband’s tour ended, I founded my company, Flyga Twiga. For the past 11 years, I have been helping others experience Africa at its best. 

Safari is the Swahili word for “journey”. Just as we are on the MilSpouse journey. I think a key MilSpouse Super Power is the ability to say yes. Yes to the journey. Yes to opportunities. Yes to embracing the unknown. Yes to adventure. Saying yes to the wonderful, Crazy Life!

Amy Millican is Owner & Founder of, Flyga Twiga™ LLC, a Personal Safari Service, specializing in East and Southern African bespoke Safaris. Named One of Top “21 Businesses We Love” by Military Spouse Magazine. The United States Military affiliated are Flyga Twiga’s primary Clients. Amy lives and works out of South Korea, home to the largest overseas US Military Base. 

Thank you to Amy for her guest post about how she took the opportunity to work with the Wildlife Conservation Society in South Sudan while her husband was in Qatar. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

To the Military Spouse Whose Season of Deployment is Over

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When Your Season of Deployment Is Over

When my husband first deployed to Iraq, I was 27. I am now 46. The time between now and then seems impossible. Almost 20 years? How?

He deployed three more times in the seven years following that deployment. We had two more children and returned to the US after four years in Germany.

It felt like the deployments were never going to end! It felt like he would always be deployed and always have to be away from us. But here is the truth about time in the military: It does eventually end. Not only that, but deployment schedules change over time based on many factors.

My Husband Is Now Retired From the Military

My husband retired from the military last year after 21 years of service, and we are now living the veteran life. Coming from the National Guard, some things didn’t change much for us, unlike how they would have had he retired from active duty.

One of the most significant changes is that he will never be called up again. He will never come home from a drill weekend with news of a deployment. He will never be called up to go if something goes down in the US. We will never again have to cancel plans because of the military. That chapter of our lives is forever over.

The Season of Deployment Is Now Officially Over

The season of deployment is over for us. We are done worrying about, thinking about, and wondering about deployments. It is in our past, and wow, that takes some getting used to.

When you have been doing something for so long, when something has been a part of your life for so long, it’s a weird feeling when suddenly, that chapter of your life is over.

I like to look at my life, especially my military life in seasons. And now we are in a different one. But you can be sure I have taken what I learned during seasons of deployment with me. I have learned so much from letting my husband go, being a solo parent, and sending him off to places unknown. I am not the same person I was when he first joined the military.

We All Change After 20 Years

Then again, no matter your lifestyle, who is the same person after 20 years? Life experiences change us. They just do. And for me, so much of the last 20 years has been spent in military mode. The next 20 will look a little different.

Veteran life can be complicated in many different ways. From finding the right after-military job to dealing with a change in benefits, there is much to take in and a lot to get used to. When I was a younger military spouse, it always felt like retirement was so far away, but then we were there, saying goodbye to military life and embracing all this new season has to offer.

If you are just now entering this season, or for whatever reason, you know deployments are no longer in your future, know that your feelings are valid. Even if you find yourself missing parts of time away from your spouse.

Veteran Spouses Have Much to Offer Military Spouses

As military spouses, we have to find ways to get through deployments and that time apart, and we can grow for the better through some of that. The military lifestyle creates independence, and we can sometimes get much more done while they are away from us. When your spouse is home and not going anywhere, it can take some getting used to.

As veteran spouses, we also have so much to offer military spouses. We can be a listening ear since we have been there before. We can advise on deployments, PCSing, and military life in general. We can use what we have learned to help those currently going through it.

Resources to Help Transitioning Military Spouses

If your service member is about to retire or has just done so, and you are a bit nervous, I want to reassure you that you are not alone.

Here are some resources that can help:

The Department of Defense’s Military Spouse Transition Program

Transition & Strengths Coaching Services

Benefits for Spouse of a Military Retiree

What Milspouses Should Know Before Military Retirement

To the Military Spouse Whose Season of Deployment is Over