My husband has just finished 10 years, 11 months of Active duty service.
Four deployments to a war zone for a total of 35 months deployed.
Two to Iraq, two to Afghanistan.
Four duty stations, Ft. Drum, Schweinfurt, Grafenwoher, Ft. Campbell.
He missed Drew’s birth, missed my 30th birthday and many other things over the last 8.5 years.
We got to see places we never would have and met some amazing people over the years.
We made it. Now, on to the next chapter…National Guard life, here we come 😀
A day when most Americans remember those who have lost their lives to war. A day when most Americans have a day off, go to a parade and bbq. This is just what we do on this day.
But for the Military community, Memorial day is a little different. We do usually have the day off, go to a parade and bbq. But we also remember those who have lost their lives. But for each of us, it gets a little more personal. Each of us knows a Gold Star family. I know of four of them personally. Four friends who became widows during our past deployments.
They are who I think about on this day.
This is what I think about on Memorial Day. I can’t help it. As a Military spouse, I have experienced all of this. It is real. Not just something that happened 50 years ago.
So when you are enjoying your day off and having a bbq, please remember the Gold Star families who are missing someone. Remember what they have been through and what they have given up. Say a prayer and remember that freedom is just not free. It always comes with a cost.
I get excited when I hear about Military Spouses that write their own books. I am a big reader and I love lots of different types of fiction. I have been following Rebecca Yarros’ blog, The Only Girl Amoung Boys for a while now. When she asked if I wanted to read an advanced company of her new book, Full Measures, I was very excited to say yes.
Full Measures is considered an NA book which I have learned means “New Adult” which are books written about young 20-somethings that are trying to figure out how to be an adult. No longer a teen but not quite into full adulthood yet.
She knew. That’s why Mom hadn’t opened the door. She knew he was dead.
Twenty years as an army brat and Ember Howard knew, too. The soldiers at the door meant her dad was never coming home. What she didn’t know was how she would find the strength to singlehandedly care for her crumbling family when her mom falls apart.
Then Josh Walker enters her life. Hockey star, her new next-door neighbor, and not to mention the most delicious hands that insist on saving her over and over again. He has a way of erasing the pain with a single look, a single touch. As much as she wants to turn off her feelings and endure the heartache on her own, she can’t deny their intense attraction.
Until Josh’s secret shatters their world. And Ember must decide if he’s worth the risk that comes with loving a man who could strip her bare.
Now I will say that the book does deal with some sensitive topics. The story starts out with the death of Ember’s father who was killed in action. I know that can be hard for some in the Military community to read about it. It is also has some mature scenes in it.
I thought this was a great read! Even though it dealt with a sad situation, the book was about a girl trying to figure out how to get life back to where she could really live it. The relationship between Ember and Josh is an interesting one. There were tears, laughs and lots of not wanting to put the book down. I love it when that happens with a book.
I can’t wait to read Rebecca’s next one 🙂
You can purchase the book on Amazon for just $.99 for your Kindle. Go check it out 🙂
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned below for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Last week we made a change to our plans. Ben enlisted in the National Guard. People have asked us if this was planned and that is a hard question to answer.
Before Ben’s last deployment we had talked about it. We knew it would help with health insurance and just allowing us some extra security. However, as the last deployment started I just felt like I couldn’t stand the thought of another deployment.
We decided against it but both of us still wondered if maybe it was the way to go. I just kept coming back to the deployment thing. Lately I had been thinking about it more but I didn’t say anything to Ben. It was just in the back of my mind.
Last week, Ben called me from work to ask if it would be worth joining under certain circumstances. I told him I wasn’t sure but it did sound like it would help with a lot of what we were trying to figure out in our post Army future.
We made the decision to go for it. At first it felt surreal. The last couple of months I have been saying goodbye to army life. From the commissary to the PX to the ease of getting on post. I was worried about healthcare and losing Tricare. I was getting ready to call around to get our new healthcare set up.
He has his first drill in July. We will get new ids. We will still be able to go on post. Living in a Military town, that will be nice.
It is funny how things can change in one day.
This guest post is by Jen. You can find her at Injenious Life 🙂
I grew up as a military brat. My parents met in ROTC and my dad spent his career in the Army. By the time I was 21, I had moved 13 times in my life. Both my grandfathers served in the military, my brother served in the Army, so when it came time for me to make my life choices, the Army seemed like the most logical choice.
Growing up was exciting. I have driven (nearly) across the entire country. I’ve lived in Germany and we got to visit many countries while we were there. A trip to Spain corresponded with my birthday so I love to tell people, “oh, for my 8th birthday, I went to Spain.” I’ve only been skiing once but it was in Austria, on the Alps. So exotic.
I spent my “formative” years in one place though, Kentucky. There, I learned how to drive but since it was a small place, I never drove on an interstate highway until I was 18 and a freshman in college. Now? I’m a pro. It seems so strange to think that it took me that long to drive on one.
I went to college and joined ROTC. Most of my friends were in ROTC too and about half of them were Army brats. Being a part of the Army community just made sense to us. Us, we wanted (still want) to serve our country so that played a part in our decision. But for me? Well, I’m not sure how to operate in a purely civilian world.
I met my husband at work in 2009. We fell in love hard and fast were married 8-ish months later. I came off active duty but still serve in the Reserves. Most of the time, I am an Army wife. I know how ID cards and DEERS works because it’s all I’ve ever known, I never knew how hard it must have been for my mom to have to wait for my dad to be available to take her to the office though. Having a power of attorney is like having the key to a city.
My husband was TDY for our first move together, and of course, it was OCONUS. I had to get the house packed, the cats packed, clean and clear housing, all on my own. Luckily, I knew what to expect. I had lived in base housing before. I know how to clean a house for inspection. I know what to look for when the movers are packing our stuff up. I know what “right looks like.” Luckily, my mom was able to come help with the kids and the drive to Florida and since she was also an Army wife, she helped keep me on track.
Growing up in an Army house has made being an Army wife easier. I understand the acronyms. I understand that just because the Army says we’re going somewhere or doing something, it doesn’t mean a thing until there are orders in our hands and even then, things could change. I feel more “in the know” about how things work on base even. My husband didn’t know you were supposed to tip baggers for like 2 years. I used to be a bagger so I totally understand why the baggers gave him crazy looks. For major purchase, I always check the PX first, my husband NEVER shopped there before we got married because he didn’t know what it was.
Army life is nothing like what you saw on Army Wives (when it was good) and I am grateful for that because it is so much better. Yes, being an Army family is tough but you know what? Sometimes, I see my civilian friends talk about their lives on Facebook and I think “how boring it must be to live in one place, doing the same thing forever?”
“I could never do what you do”
“I couldn’t be a Military wife”
“I don’t know how you guys do it being without your husband for that long.”
We have all heard people say these things to us. I used to think that anyone could be a Military spouse. All they would have to do is love their spouse enough to stick by him or her.
But now, I am not so sure.
What about the spouses that walk away?
What about the service members that voluntarily leave the Military because deployments became too much?
What about the spouse that suffers from anxiety or depression and thinks the idea of one more separation is too much?
And when we talk about Military spouses, we are talking about people who stood by their husband or wife for a couple of years and those that stood by for 20+. Some people serve longer than others. When it is time to leave the Military, you can have a feeling of just being done. You can’t seem to imagine going through another deployment. I know I can’t. I feel like I have hit my limit.
However, what if my husband didn’t want to leave the Army? What if he wanted to stay and do 20-30 years? What if this was his life long dream? Would that make a difference? I think for me it would.
I think if my husband wanted to stay in it would be a little easier to handle more deployments. If he had a clear plan. If this is what he wanted.
So what does it take to make it as a Military Spouse? We all come from different places, with different personalities and different ways of seeing the world. What do we all have in common that allows us to do what we need to do to support our spouse?
I think in the end it is about commitment. Commitment to your spouse, to his or her work, to the life you must live when you decided to marry them. Commitment to the two of you and whatever path you are going to walk together. Commitment to the family you have created and the life that you are living together.
If you have commitment to each other, you can get through most of what life throws at you. And that is what it takes to make it in this Military life.
Over the years I have been able to receive some great Military discounts from different businesses. These have been my favorite.
Cracker Barrel- They have a 30% Military discount, at least in our area. I have heard the discount does depend on the restaurant so make sure to ask before you assume if they have one. Some might not offer a discount and others might be lower than 30%.
Sea World- Each Military family can get in for free to one of the Sea World parks, once a year. It is for the Service Member and three dependents. You do need to register ahead of time. I am sad we have only been able to use this discount once during our years in the Army.
Southwest Airlines- To get a discount with Southwest you need to call them. It will not show up on the website. The only thing is that a lot of the times they have another promotion with a better rate. It doesn’t hurt to call them. I was able to get a deal when I was trying to fly from Northern California to Southern last minute.
Knott’s Berry Farm– Their discount has been different every time we have gone. One time it was half off. They also used to have one month of the year where Military got in free but I am not sure if they are still doing that one. You can visit their promotions page for more details.
Old Navy– Our Old Navy will always give us a 10% Military discount. They only let you use one discount at a time though so if you happen to have a coupon for 15% off, you have to pick which one to use. Other Old Navy’s have a day or a few days where they offer a Military discount. Some do once a month. It seems to change every once in a while so make sure to ask when you check out.
Lowe’s and Home Depot– I got to these places a lot around this time of year and they both offer 10% off. Just make sure to show them your Military id.
Here is the thing about Military Spouses, we are not all the same. We come from different backgrounds and different places. We have different likes and dislikes. Some of us are older and some of us are younger. There is not just one type of military spouse. The community is made up of different personalities and different ways of looking at life.
Here are some of the most common myths people have about military spouses.
1) We are all Christians and go to church. There are Military spouses of every religion. I know there seems to be a lot of Christians and there are. I am one of them but there are also a lot of people who are not. I love talking about religion with people. I find it so fascinating. And I like that we are not all the same. We can teach each other things we have learned from our own faith and I find that really valuable, especially in a community with a lot of stressful situations going on. Don’t ever assume that everyone has the same faith that you do.
2) We are all Republicans. A lot of the Military Community lean to the right politically, but we are not all Republicans. We all support the troops but we might see other topics really differently. Some of us are liberal, some of us just don’t have a side. There is a big range of people with all types of different political beliefs that are married to members of the military.
3) We all want to have children. There are so many Military children but not every Military spouse wants to be a mom. Some are waiting until after their husband is out of the Military and others are fine without never having children. There are also many spouses that want children and cannot have them. This can get hard when it comes to planning FRG events as some are really geared towards children and others are not. I have also heard that it can be hard to make friends on a Military post when you don’t have children.
4) We are all SAHMs or SAHWs. There are a lot of SAHMs in the Military world. That does not mean that everyone who is married to someone in the Military wants to be one. Some people have their own careers, others wish they could have a career but are unable to do so because of where they are currently living. It can be quite difficult to keep up your career when you have to move every few years. Some spouses are going to school. Some spouses have a college degree. Some plan to work once their spouse retires.
5) We can get through anything with a smile on our face. We are not always happy. We can’t be. Life gets rough sometimes. We need to vent. We get frustrated and we need to figure out how to get through whatever stressful situation we have to go through. We simply can’t be happy all the time. We can try to be positive but the reality is it isn’t always easy to keep a smile on your face 24/7. This is okay. Do your best to get through whatever challenge you need to get there.