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Deployment

The Gifts You Can Receive During a Deployment

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The Gifts You Can Receive During a Deployment

I was so thankful to have met Jennifer at MakeHer this past October. She has an amazing blog and website, dedicated to military spouse support. She truly has a heart for military spouses and the military community! Enjoy this post she wrote about the gifts you can receive from a deployment!

Deployment number five, C.H.E.C.K

Though still many weeks away, I can’t escape the quiet excitement at the thought of wrapping up another deployment. This weekend, I found myself thinking that as much as I don’t enjoy being without my husband for nine months, I can’t help but be grateful for the blessings these months have given me.

Yep, you read that right, blessings!

Deployments always challenge me, and yet the challenge with each is revealed differently. I’ve been a girlfriend, a newlywed, a 1st-time mom, a tired mom to a toddler and newborn, and twice. I’ve navigated solo parenting as a part-time professional and full-time mom of two young, rambunctious kids. Five deployments, in nine years.

I’m the first to admit that this was the hardest of our five. If I could have known then what I know now, I’d tell the new mom to stop worrying. Dad’s absence in those early months won’t impact his ability to connect with his son. I’d say to her to sleep more and clean less. I’d tell her that waiting months to un-decorate the house after a major holiday is totally acceptable. I’d remind her that chicken nuggets and pizza are sometimes just what everyone needs. Oh, the things I’d tell her!

For those who’ve been there, we wouldn’t wish this kind of separation on anyone. And yet, deployments remind me to appreciate small moments with our kids, knowing their dad would give anything to enjoy that same moment. The kids and I have seen each other at our worst and our best, day after day, and we’re better for it. Through hardship, I was given a chance to get to know my children in a way I might not have otherwise. It’s hard not to be grateful for that gift.

For me, deployments have a “grounding” effect. It’s an opportunity to remember all that I love most about my husband and our family. It’s an opportunity to renew my appreciation for all the quiet contributions he makes to my life and our family’s life. And this time, even more than previous separations, I was reminded that my world just isn’t the same without him in it. It’s so easy in the day to day bustle to forget the things that matter most. Deployments force you to notice. I consider that a gift.

So, number five was different. And the differences took me by surprise. Dad’s presence (or absence) was noticed like never before – at the dinner table, during bath time, during midnight runs to the ER, during a myriad of “firsts,” during birthdays or school award presentations, or even on a day of kite flying in the front yard. Dad was missed in prior years, too, but this was different. This time the kids were old enough to ask, to miss, to cry, to be angry, to be sad in ways they’d never felt, and I’d never had to console.

I was different too. This time, sending packages and writing letters were things I just didn’t make time for – or at least not as often as I felt he deserved. And yet, thanks to the gift technology gave our deployed family, we have Skype-d, Facebook-ed, and remained connected in a way that changed this experience for all of us.

My husband was able to hear our young daughter’s vocabulary bloom in real-time, and I have been able to see the smile that his children’s laughter brings to his eyes and his face. Perhaps because you know what is at stake, those moments carry so much more weight than a typical Sunday afternoon family interaction. And I’ve cherished them, especially when I leave our 4-year-old alone with her dad and come back to find them playing peek-a-boo with the web camera and each other. I feel like separations are often overrun with moments like this that make your heart simultaneously break and swell with love.

I knew my husband loves our children. I knew he was a great father, but to see the simultaneous joy and pain in his eyes when he talks to our children over a webcam – well, there again, a gift of sorts. Watching him watch them changed how I saw him.

Many talk about the sacrifices of the military spouse, not just the Soldier. It’s true. There are sacrifices on both sides, but there was never a moment when I felt mine were greater than his. In addition to being reminded of my own strength I, perhaps for the first time, truly understand my husband’s strength, and it will forever change how I see him. Yet another gift.

Before he left, as is a tradition of ours, he hid about 20 notes around the house for me to find. On each, a word of encouragement or just a phrase to make me smile. And for nine months, I’ve been able to wake up and go to bed each morning seeing my collection of notes that now line the mirror on my dresser, reminded in bright pink that I am cherished. Another gift.

So yes, I’d give anything to have had my Soldier home these past nine months. And yes, this letter would read far differently if he hadn’t come home to me, to us. Even still, when I think about the impact of these months apart, I cannot imagine a path that could have helped me learn so much about myself or my husband in such a short amount of time. I can’t imagine a life other than this one, with all its challenges and its blessings.

Through each separation, I am forced to remember, and then somehow manage to forget, that I am stronger than I believe. Perhaps someday I’ll learn how to hold tight to that lesson.

There are always blessings, even during deployments. You just have to be willing to see them, embrace them, and treasure them. We ALL have our bad days, but seeing some sun in this experience is what makes it tolerable. And if you let it, this experience that you’d prefer not to have will allow you to thrive and grow. Another gift.

Written in 2014, this letter sat on my computer as a reminder of what hard looked like. It eventually became the inspiration for my site, Pride and Grit. Our five deployments have ranged from 4 months to 15 months, totaling 46 months over nine years. Jennifer Pasquale is a military spouse of 13 years, 7 moves, and 5 duty stations. Through her site, Pride & Grit (www.prideandgrit.com), Jennifer is giving life to stories of military hardship from which others can draw strength and inspiration.

Deployments can be so difficult to go through, but the good news is, there is a lot of deployment support out there. Please visit the deployment support section of my blog, and know you are not alone in your military spouse journey.

How To Have a Date Night When Your Spouse is Deployed…in GIFs

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How To Have a Date Night When Your Spouse is Deployed...in GIFs

Your spouse is deployed, but you want to try to plan a date night anyway. This could work you think, even though you are 6,000 miles apart. You need that time with your spouse, and setting up a “date night” over video chat is the best way to do it.

Here is how to have a date night when your spouse is deployed…in GIFs:

Step One: Figure out when they will be able to talk and when you can talk at the same time, for longer than 5 minutes.

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Step Two: Put the date and time in your calendar, knowing it might change.

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Step Three: Put the kids to bed early that night, hopefully, they won’t give you any trouble. Being a solo parent is hard work!

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Step Four: Get ready for your “date.” Do your hair, make-up, and put on a fancy dress, just for fun and to make things more date-like. Pour yourself a glass a wine, everything is perfect!

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Step Five: Put kids back to bed after they keep getting out of bed. Pray they fall asleep before 8 pm, the time you have scheduled for your deployment date.

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Step Six: 8:05 pm. No word from the kids, no word from the husband. Just wait.

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Step Seven: 8:35 pm. Still waiting on your spouse, and you are getting quite sleepy.

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Step Eight: 8:55 pm. Debating on if you should call it a night, figuring he got held up somewhere. That happens, you know. But you can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

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Step Nine: 9:15 pm. Decide that your deployment date is a bust for the night. Get ready for bed, maybe tomorrow will work out better? Check your phone one more time, just in case.

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Step Ten: 9:45 pm. Crawl into bed, close your eyes, and fall asleep.

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Step Eleven: 9:55 pm. The phone starts to ring, he finally made it. Your phone wakes you up, but you don’t care.

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Step Twelve: You finally get to have your deployment date. You are in your pjs, but you don’t care. You finally get to talk to the love of your life and all is well in your world, at least for now.

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As military spouses, we sometimes have to make the best out of what we have, go with the flow, and hold on to the good moments among the more difficult ones.

Have you ever tried to have a date during a deployment?

Your Military Spouse Journey

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Your Military Spouse Journey

You can’t believe it is happening. Your spouse joined the Army. This is going to be their career. So many people have told you how scary military life is going to be, but all you can think about is that he is finally living his dream and that you want to be there with him as he moves forward with this career change.

You wonder about what this means for you. You wonder how about your life will change. You wonder how the next few years will be.

Your spouse gets their orders, overseas, how did we get so lucky? What will living overseas really be like? Will I enjoy living there as much as I think I will?

Finally, the day arrives, you say goodbye, you are not sure how you are going to make it through these months apart. You hope you will only be apart a month or two. So many worries going through your head.

How will you solo parent your toddler? Right now that seems impossible. How will you be both mom and dad to him? When you depended on your husband for so much ever since your son was born.

And time passes, and you think you have this military thing figured out. But deep down you know there is so much ahead for you. For both of you.

And more time passes, and he is still over there in Germany and you are still in the US waiting with your young son. And you have to wait some more, Christmas comes and goes and you are still waiting. Waiting on what? Paperwork of course.

And your birthday passes, and Easter is right around the corner. You start to feel like you might never join him. And then, you hear the news, everything has been approved and it is your time to go. The paperwork has finally be done, and you are approved to actually live with your spouse again.

After all that waiting and now all of a sudden you find yourself on an airplane, headed for your future, whatever that might be. What will it be like to be a military spouse? What will it be like to go through a deployment? So many questions go through your mind.

But then, your PCS is over, you have unpacked and are trying to find your way in a new community. You are trying to figure out where you belong. You always wanted to be a SAHM, and now, here you are.

And then the deployment orders come. You knew they would. You knew that is apart of the deal. But you are not ready, how could you be? How could you truly ever be ready to send your spouse to war?

You make friends, other military spouses who get it. You know you can get through this deployment together. You know you can handle whatever comes your way.

But you are pregnant again, and he might miss the birth. They told you they will send him back, but will they? Can a family member come out to help? Can you really give birth without your husband by your side?

And they don’t send him home in time, just three days too late. But you handle it, your mom was able to be there with you, and get your through. You conquered yet another scary thing. One of many that comes with military life.

He comes home for R&R. To be with you, your toddler and your new baby. You have an amazing time. But of course, the time flies by. Why can’t the deployment do the same?

He says goodbye, he goes back to Iraq, where he has been. Only a few more months, you can do this. You have done a few months before. One last kiss, one last hug.

And then months go by, but the end isn’t in sight like you thought it would be. Extensions are happening, the Surge, this will be a longer deployment than you first thought.

He won’t be back when you thought he would be. He will miss more birthdays. He will miss more milestones. Will your boys even remember him?

But eventually, after all this waiting, he is home, in your arms. Just in time. In time for another birthday, in time for Christmas, in time to enjoy life.

You are so thankful. He made it home. Not everyone did. You know this all too well.

And so life goes on, and you enjoy your time together. You move somewhere new, your boys get a little older, and you make new friends. And now, 365 days later, you are doing this deployment thing all again.

Saying goodbye, hoping and praying he returns. Being a solo parent. Depending on friends. Taking the deployment day by day.

And so your military life journey goes. From deployment to PCS. From making friends to saying goodbye to them. To the frustrations, to the moments you never would have had if he had never joined.

You married a soldier. A man who serves. He is willing to put on the uniform, to say goodbye to everyone he loves, to put himself in harm’s way.

And all these years later, you can’t believe what you have gone through. You can only look back and remember what you have learned. Through every deployment, every time apart.

And you hope that in the future, you can be just as strong. That you can help others get through their own military journeys through your words. That you can make a difference in the world and can be there for your boys, for your husband and everything that comes your way.

This is my military spouse journey, which may be a bit different than yours. Maybe you haven’t been through a deployment yet, maybe you have never been overseas. Maybe you kick solo parenting in the butt, and maybe solo parenting is the hardest thing you have ever had to do.

When your spouse joins the military, or when you marry them if they are already in, you are crossing over to a different type of life. You will experience things you never would have otherwise, both good and bad. You will learn from what you go through, and figure out ways to help others that come after you.

As a military spouse, you are a part of history. A part of the many men and women who have come before you and who will come after you. A part of something that can sometimes be hard to describe to other people.

While wars might look different, while times will change, one thing is always true…the military spouse life is a journey. One to love at times, one to hate at times, and one to embrace, with everything you’ve got.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

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The Deployment Journal For Spouses

So you spouse just deployed, and you feel a bit lost. You just aren’t even sure what you are feeling but you know you are feeling something. You just want to get it all out.

Have you ever thought about keeping a deployment journal?

I have been writing in a journal since I was about 16 years old. I love them and while I write more during certain times of my life over others, I still keep one to this day.

During my deployments, they were like a best friend for me. Anytime I was upset, felt angry, or was just so sad I didn’t know what to do, I would grab my journal and let everything out. Doing so was so very helpful and I like to offer that advice to other military spouses.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

Keeping a deployment journal can help you through your next deployment!

Because of my love of the journal, and knowing how much they can help during a deployment, I am having an amazing giveaway for the new verison of the Deployment Journal for Military Spouses by Rachel Robertson.

They also send me a copy for review, and this book, it’s beautiful. As someone who has journaled for years, finding the right book is important. One thing I look for is the cover, and this one passes my test.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

This journal is a beautiful teal color which is one of my favorite colors. Teal is so soothing and calming to me. The color makes me want to pick up the book.

Within the book, you will find places to journal, prompts, tips, ideas, quotes, and even a place to write down your memories and milestones. This journal would be ideal for any military spouse going through a deployment. And I know this book will be a big help during the time your spouse is away.

The Deployment Journal For Spouses

Now, head on over to my Facebook page to enter. The giveaway will go until March 15th. Please visit Military Family Books if you would like to purchase this book for yourself, or want to know more about the book or the author.

Have journals helped you through a deployment???

When Your Spouse is Deployed and You Only Have Two Hands

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When Your Spouse is Deployed and You Only Have Two Hands

This post is sponsored by Baby Tula! I was also provided free product for review.

Whenever my husband was deployed, I hated going to the grocery store. I know there are more options these days such as grocery store pick-up or affordable delivery services, but back during our previous deployments, we didn’t have any of that.

So, once I had three kids, it became a big issue. I could sometimes get around this by going to the grocery store when my older two were in school, or trade with a friend. However, there were sometimes when I still had to take all three and head to the store. Or really anywhere I needed to go.

Baby Tula

There are different tools out there that can help us during our solo parenting days. One tool that helped me with my babies was having a good baby carrier to use, especially when I had to take all three kids to the grocery store. My baby would go in the carrier, he would stay close, then I would have two free hands to shop, and help my other children.

I could also use this carrier if we were going out to a special event or even a birthday party. I had a stroller as well, but a baby carrier is easier to use in some situations where a stoller would not work.

A lot of military spouse moms bring a carrier to MOPS or other types of playgroups. This allows them to move around, while still keeping their baby close. There are so many benefits to owning one, even if your husband is not deployed.

Baby Tula

So in those times when I did have to take all three of my children out somewhere, that baby carrier was a lifesaver. I only had two hands, with three little kids, I needed a solution.

Finding the right carrier is important. You want to find one that you like, that works for you and your baby, and is supportive.

The Explore Baby Carriers by Baby Tula would be a fantastic choice!

Baby Tula
  • This carrier is versatile, easy-to-use and the first carrier that allows you to use it in an ergonomic front-facing position.
  • There are a variety of prints to choose from, so you should be able to find something you love.
  • They have adjustable panels to use as your baby grows so you can use this Baby Tula from 7-45lbs.
  • They have three ergonomic carry positions, facing in, facing out, and back carry.
  • They have a military discount! Yay! 10% off for active duty, veterans, and retired military. Military status will be checked by a 3rd party.

If you are like me and your kids are all over toddler age, you can look at some of Baby Tula’s other products. They have shoes, blankets, backpacks, lunch bags, and more.

Baby Tula sent us one of their super cute backpacks in the Hot Lava theme. Isn’t it cute?

Baby Tula BackPack

And also one of these lunch boxes in the Chomp theme:

Baby Tula Lunch Box

If you are pregnant or already had your baby and would like a new carrier, please visit Baby Tula, and don’t forget the Baby Tula 10% military discount.

How has a baby carrier helped you when your spouse was away?

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day if Your Spouse is Deployed

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How to Celebrate Valentine's Day if Your Spouse is Deployed

It’s time for Valentine’s Day! The holiday all about love. The one where you feel the pressure to buy your spouse candy chocolates, or flowers, or teddy bears, and make plans to go out to eat on the most crowded night of the year. Super fun right?

Or not…

Maybe you think the whole thing is silly. A holiday made up by Hallmark to get spouses to buy cards for each other, and make more money. And with the lack of candy hearts this year, is Valentine’s Day even worth worrying about? (PS I did find some at Target a few weeks ago if you are wanting some.)

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Maybe you love Valentine’s Day but unfortunately this year, your spouse is deployed and you will not be spending the day together. In fact, you aren’t even sure you will be able to talk on Valentine’s Day.

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In the past, you guys have showered each other with gifts and went out to dinner, not even worried about the crowds of other couples sharing the night with you. But this year, none of that is going to happen, so what can you do?

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This post does contain affiliate/referral links!

Well…one thing you could do is plan a Galentine’s Day with you friends. You probably aren’t the only one without your spouse on Valentine’s Day and this can be a good way to spend the time. You can have yummy food, either do a potluck or go out, bring chocolates for each other, and don’t forget the wine. And these days, you can even find Galentine’s Day party favors.

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You can also order dinner in from your favorite restaurant, so many options these days. Treat yourself to a nice dinner after the kids go to bed. While this isn’t exactly romantic, you will at least be able to have a nice meal, in your pajamas if you want to.

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And if you planned enough ahead of time, you can send your deployed spouse a nice Valentine’s Day care package. Here are some ideas from Jo, My Gosh! And really, if you didn’t send the package in time, that’s okay, just make it an “I Love You” themed one and you will be good to go.

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If your spouse is deployed on Valentine’s Day, you can just have a romantic movie marathon and enjoy the fun of a cheesy Rom-Com. Or, if you are simply not in the mood that type of thing, how about a Netflix end of the world movie instead? Bird Box anyone?

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You could always take the time to write some love letters, remembering all the things you love and miss about your spouse. Find some pretty stationary and get writing. In this world of video chats and text messages, there is something to be said about sending and receiving an old fashioned love letter.

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And if nothing else, you can use this Valentine’s Day as a time to spoil your own children with big candy hearts, cute cartoon Valentines, and a heart-shaped pizza for dinner. They will appreciate that and you will be making some fun memories together with your kids.

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All in all, you can have a good Valentine’s Day, even if your spouse is deployed. It’s just one day, and if this holiday is special to you as a couple, you can keep special even across the miles. You might have to get creative but that can be fun and a different way to express your love to one another. And there is always next year!

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How do you like to celebrate Valentine’s Day when your spouse is deployed? Do you do anything special for yourself or do you just not worry about the holiday at all?

Surviving A Military Deployment

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Surviving A Military Deployment

Surviving A Military Deployment
I am sitting in my living room, in our 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Schweinfurt, Germany. We just got back from the park, and my two-year-old is finally asleep. I am nursing my baby to sleep and will put him down in a bit.

I plan to take a well-needed bubble bath once I do. It’s been a day. It’s been a week. It’s been a rough deployment.
 
And we still have so much more time to go…
 
Way too many days…way too long. And while every day is a day closer, the time ahead is just…well I am not sure how I am going to do this.
 
As I lay my baby down, I have no idea that his Dad won’t see him again until he is almost one. Or that after he comes home, it will be hard for him to bond. I have no idea that the deployment we thought would end in the summer would get extended again, and then again, and that he wouldn’t be home until right before Thanksgiving.
 
I leave the room and run the bath. I will probably read for a bit as I always do but I can’t stop thinking about things.
 
Surviving A Military Deployment
What if my husband never comes back?
 
What if he does and he isn’t the same?
 
What if I have way too hard of a time getting through this that the deployment breaks me forever?
 
It’s so hard not to worry about these things. They happen. They have happened to my friends.
 
It’s so hard to know how to have faith all will be okay when you know it might not be.
 
Deployments are so hard…and it’s okay to feel like you can’t go one more day.
 
It’s been 11 years since that deployment. Time has moved on. My boys have gotten older. We have been through more deployments.
 
Surviving A Military Deployment
They never get any easier. But you do learn how to cope.
 
I still hate the thought of being away from my husband, even though we make it through each and every time.
 
And although I would like to think that I could rock any future deployment we might go through, I also know that they could break me, just like they have done in the past.
 
If you are going through a deployment, know you are not alone. I have been there. Others have been there.
 
If you are about to start a deployment, know it is okay to be scared, that being worried about your spouse and what the deployment will be like is normal.
 
Know that you will grow as a person during the deployment. You will find ways to cope. You will deepen your friendships with others. You will figure out how to get to that finish line.
 
As military spouses, we do what we have to do because of who we love and the career our spouse has picked. But that doesn’t mean everything is easy or that we will never have a bad day. It just means we can find the strength to make it through…whatever comes our way.
 
If you are a military spouse looking for support, please take the time to check out my deployment blog posts here on Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life. I have many posts on deployments based on my own experiences as a military spouse.
 
Remember, you are not alone, there are people who want to help you through this, and people who can stand by you as you do. You got this military spouse, you do <3

At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

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At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

At the End of the Day, Sometimes You Just Have to Suck it Up

Deployments are no joke. I hate deployments, and yet I know they are a part of the military life experience. And while there are so many ways to make it through a deployment, sometimes you just have to suck it up and get through the days apart, even if you don’t want to.

The biggest thing is making sure you have what you need to get through the deployment. This is going to look different for everyone. Some people love wine, others, not so much. Some people love chocolate, and others perfect another type of candy.

And when I talk about what you need to get through a deployment, food and drinks can be easy to bring up, but in reality, you need more than that. You need good friends by your side, hobbies to focus on, a possible career path for yourself, and even something like a deployment haven in your home.

Basically, anything that will help you through the time apart.

If you are not sure what this is for you, think about what makes you happy and what can brighten your day. Think about what has worked in the past, and go from there.

Sucking it up is simply finding ways to cope.

It is not dwelling on all the negatives but working towards enjoy life, even when they are away. This doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sad, or won’t ever need to cry. It doesn’t mean you have to think the deployment is the best thing ever or that you are never allowed to vent about what you are going through.

So if you are just starting your deployment, or are in the middle of one, make sure you are surrounding yourself with people and things that will help you. That will make the deployment much easier for you and time will go by a little faster.

Make sure to read my other deployment posts!