Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

The Anxiety of a Military Spouse When Deployment Comes to an End

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Megan! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

The anxiety of a Military Spouse when deployment comes to an end

The Anxiety of a Military Spouse When Deployment Comes to an End

If you have ever experienced an anxiety attack you will know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re a military spouse, you will get it even more. Anxiety has a crazy way of messing with your head and your emotions. Before you know it, the anxiety has taken over your entire being and leaves you emotionally and physically exhausted. 

I can remember when my husband first deployed; the anxiety was taking over every ounce of my being. I couldn’t think about anything else. I couldn’t sleep.

Every time I looked at my husband I wanted to cry or throw up. It was like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to cling to him. I wanted him to cling to me.

I didn’t want him to go. I tried my very best to understand the mission first and it was his duty. But a selfish part of me wanted to throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming. 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, the morning he left I didn’t shed one tear. The anxiety I had felt for months suddenly went away. I stood there until the buses drove off and waited.

I took a moment to myself standing in the empty parking lot in the cold. I waited for the tears to come. I waited for the anxiety panic attack to kick in. I was prepared for it. But it never did. I got in the car and talked to my dad all the way home and not once shed a tear. 

I was beginning to think something was wrong with me. I got home, drank coffee, and got the kids off to school. I just kept waiting to feel something. Then it hit me.

I walked into our bedroom and looked at our unmade bed and everything I was waiting to hit me did. I fell to the floor with my heart aching an unbearable pain. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t stand up.

I sat on the floor sobbing for what seemed like hours but, it was minutes. I reminded myself what I had promised my husband; no matter what I would keep going. So, I got up, wiped my tears, and slowly got dressed for work. I just kept telling myself “you promised him to live your life, to keep going, to take care of our family, and to never quit”. So, I didn’t. 

Now I won’t lie. There have been many times during this deployment that I have cried. Either out of anger, feeling defeated, being scared, being lonely, or just happy tears.

However, I will say for the most part I took all those emotions and shoved them deep down in the pit of my stomach, and refused to let them come up. Any time I started feeling in the feel goods I would stop myself. “Remember Megan, you promised him to keep going”. So, I kept going no matter what. 

Now we are so close to being done. I texted my husband today and told him it was almost unreal. I haven’t allowed myself to think about him coming home for so long. I haven’t let myself count days or think about months.

Now that we are here, all the emotions I had been shoving down are all crashing into me at once. I am scared. I’m excited. I am overwhelmed.

There are so many questions constantly going through my head. What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if we have both changed so much, we no longer connect?

What will the sex be like? What are his expectations? What are mine? So many questions and no answers. It’s terrifying to think about.

Anytime I start to think about it I tear up and start to cry. I see the Facebook posts and want to cry. I open the boxes full of his clothes and start to cry.

I look around at my messy house and think about everything that needs to be done to prepare for him to come and that really makes me want to cry. My husband is somewhere on a plane coming home to our family and I just can’t wrap my head around it.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, touched him, and smelled him. To think about it my heart wants to explode. And the anxiety gets higher and higher.

I try to control it but with every day I can feel the anxiety growing more and more. When will it end? The day before I pick him up? The minute I see him? I don’t know.  

I guess this will be a 2-part post. Right now, I can only write about how I feel as the deployment is coming to an end. Just my thoughts and feelings right now. Once we get to welcome him home and settle into a new normal, I can write about if I was right or wrong.

I will have a better understanding of how all this works. I hope I get to write something wonderful and picture-perfect. I hope my anxiety will calm down long enough for me to enjoy planning him coming home. Until then, I will just write about what I know. So, I will leave this as; “to be continued” …………

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Holly. Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

I find that the hardest part of my husband being gone is always right at the beginning and then at the end. I always feel “lost” for a few days, adjusting to our new normal without him, and then I feel so stressed at the end getting ready for him to come home and trying to make sure everything is just right. This post tackles my tips for those first few days away…

Make Time for You

I know what you’re thinking, “don’t worry, he’s gone, I have tons of time for myself”, but really, on the first night alone, take some time for yourself and enjoy it. I always pour a bubble bath, grab a good book, and watch a chick flick on Netflix.

I love stretching out in the bed and controlling the remote (which usually never happens). Also, think about using this time to better yourself. Eat healthy, make time for the gym, and read that new self-help book you’ve been too busy to open. Not only will this help you pass the time, but you’ll make some positive changes that you can continue once he returns.

Spend Time with Friends

After you’ve had enough “me time”, search out your besties and find something fun to do. Sometimes that’s going out for a girl’s night, hitting up a concert, or even just grilling on the deck. Spend some time with the girls and build up those relationships.

Struggling to make friends in a new place? Try visiting with moms at school, daycare, or sporting events. Visit with other ladies at the gym or search out new friends at work. This is a great time to hang out with new people and check in on those you haven’t been able to visit with for a while.

Make Special Time with Your Children

One of the small blessings of my husband being gone is how close my son and I are. We spend lots of time together, just the two of us, and we have a great relationship. We try and do fun activities together and make new memories, even when my husband can’t be there to enjoy them with us.

I’ve found myself getting braver as he gets older too. We go camping together, weekend trips, and we’ve even ventured on a few road trips, just the two of us.

Whether this is the first time he has left or the tenth, these three tips seem to help get us through whatever military life throws at us. I figure you can look at their absence as an awful burden or as an opportunity to gain insight into yourself and build relationships; the latter makes for a much happier you and therefore a much happier military family in the trips to come.

Holly Corcoran is a military wife of 10 years, mom to one adorable and resilient seven-year-old, and third-grade teacher living in the flyover states. She juggles home, parenting, and teaching, while also sometimes taking calls from Afghanistan. Connecting with other military spouses and friends is a constant reminder “we’re always under the same sky.”

Oh, Afghanistan…

by 1 Comment

Oh, Afghanistan…

I see you. I see you in the news. I am not sure how to feel.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The place my husband has been, where so many men and women have had to go over the years.

Oh, Afghanistan…

A place that has been so much a part of my world for so very long. A place I really don’t know too much about myself.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The deployments, the endless deployments to ensure America’s freedom. The endless deployments, as we military families stay behind and hope and pray. The endless deployments, ones that didn’t bring all of our men and women home.

As I log onto Facebook this morning, I see so many thoughts and opinions about what is going on. People asking for prayers. People asking for understanding. People who are angry.

I feel weird even thinking about how to respond. I feel weird even having an opinion on it all. I wasn’t the one that went there. I wasn’t the one that put on that uniform.

But then I remember. I remember when my husband left for Afghanistan when our baby was two months old. I remember not knowing if he would be back a few months later or in over a year or even if at all.

I remember when he had to go again a few years later. During a time that hit me hard. During a time when I felt at my lowest and needed a husband by my side.

But he wore the uniform. And he went where he was told to go. I couldn’t even get to the point where I could decide if Afghanistan was worth it. He was serving our country. He was doing his part.

I have to leave that to the other people. To those, we vote into office. To the American people who make those votes. To those who have more power over the situation than I will ever have.

As a military spouse, I can’t nitpick a reason why my husband had to go away. I can’t overthink if everything we had to give up to do so was worth the sacrifice. I just can’t and I won’t. My brain won’t let me do that.

As a military spouse, Afghanistan was where my husband had to go. Just like Iraq was where he had to go. They are deployments. They are “downrange” and filled with so much emotion when we say their names.

Oh, Afghanistan…these last 20 years. Have they been in vain? Have they all been for nothing? I sure hope not.

I sure hope that in these last 20 years, good has been done. I sure hope that in these last 20 years, there has truly been a fight for freedom. I sure hope that the time and the money and the sacrifice has been worth it.

I have to believe it. I can’t think that it wasn’t.

As we turn on the news and it seems that everything is falling away, I hope we can remember what was accomplished. I hope we can truly see the good that was done.

There is so much blame. Who is really at fault?

We have questions. So many questions. As I watch some of the children of the men my husband first deployed with put on the uniform too. As I know my own children are just a few years away from being old enough to do the same. I wonder why this has become a multi-generational war?

We have questions. Should we have not pulled out? Should we have stayed longer? Maybe a few more years?

Or maybe we should have left years ago? Maybe there was a better time to do so?

And as we are living in the middle of this pandemic that doesn’t want to end, as we are living with so many other frustrations, is this yet another one we will have to add to our list of things to worry about?

Us military families, what happens in the news can and does hit us hard. Will this hit us hard? Will this mean more deployments? Will this mean longer deployments?

We know in our hearts how much Afghanistan has turned our lives upside down. We know how much pain some of our service members are in because of it. And we worry that what is going on now will cause feelings of defeat or that the military sacrifices don’t matter.

We post 9/11 military families have been through so very much. We have said goodbye way too many times. And at this point, we are wondering what will be next?

Oh, Afghanistan…these are just the words of one military spouse. One who loves and cares. And is trying to make sense out of it all.

Leaving For a Deployment: a Long and Sad Day

by 1 Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Kassie on the day her husband left for deployment. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Leaving For a Deployment: a Long and Sad Day

What a long, long, and sad day.  

I haven’t felt this heartbroken in almost 10 years. That was his last deployment. Now we face another.

For a whole year. A whole damn year. With no visits home like before. And now with 4 kids.

I could scream. But I cry. Hard. Uncontrollable. On the floor. Hidden in my closet. Away from our kids who I am supposed to be so strong far. I can’t fake it. So I hide. 

I can’t stand to see my kids so upset. It breaks me to see our 16-year-old beauty so devastated to go through this for the 3rd time.

Our 8-year-old holds his sadness so tight inside. He only shows me watery eyes as he twists his tongue to avoid his pain.

Our 6-year-old, gosh. She asks so many questions. My answers make her sadder. And she cries more.

Our little one-year-old. The one I thought I could protect emotionally because she’s too young to understand, right? No, she understands. Going from room to room looking for “dada.” Even the dog is sad. She hasn’t moved from our bed since 5 am this morning. When he left. 

I don’t have many pictures to post. I didn’t take very many….. I know, I know….. memories! Trust me, I don’t need pictures to ever remember how terribly crushed my kids were to tell their dad goodbye.

Their tear-stained faces won’t ever be forgotten. I don’t need pics to remember how foggy my mind was driving at 5 am to where we would split our hearts in half.

I didn’t need pictures to remember the chest pains I had as he got on that bus. That infamous bus. It has become my frienemy over the years. 

After we parted ways, I came home. With half a heart.

All his stuff is just there. His shirt hanging off the tub. His half-tied running shoes. His toothpaste with the cap off. His body towel is on the floor near the shower. His deodorant on his counter that I love the smell of. All that crushed me. 

It’s my 3rd rodeo. I know how this all goes. It doesn’t make it easier. I know it will get better. Just feels like my heart will literally shatter any minute. 

What a long, long and sad day.

Hey there! My name is Kassie. Superhero by day and tired by 730 at night. I’m a self-proclaimed comedian and a #BadMomOf4. We’ve been a Louisiana Army family for 20 yrs plus. My sweetheart is a Major and I’m just a major pain and our kids are majorly cute. See what I did there?? K, byeeeeeeee. https://www.facebook.com/kassie.jo.broussard

Going through a deployment? Make sure to check out my other deployment blog posts here!

What You Should Know About Getting Through the Pre-Deployment Period

by

Before They Leave For a Deployment 

I had only been a military spouse for about 10 months when my husband left on his first deployment. 4.5 of those months were spent in the US while he waited for me and my son in Germany. I wasn’t surprised about him deploying, he was in the Army, deployments were apart of the deal.

I just didn’t totally know what to expect. It was one thing to be apart from your husband when he was on a military post in Germany, waiting to join him, quite another when he would be in a war zone in Iraq.

We did have a few months to prepare for the deployment. I arrived in Germany at the end of March and already we knew a deployment was going to happen. At that time we didn’t know the exact dates but that yes, a deployment was coming. By the summer we had a much better idea of when they would be leaving and us wives started to band together knowing we would need one another to get through the long months ahead.

I remember the day clearly. My friend had come to visit from Austria and we were sitting around talking with my husband. The phone rang, which usually meant my parents were calling but not this time. This call was from someone in the Unit. They were letting me know that orders had been cut and that my husband would be officially deploying in exactly a month.

I got off the phone and took a deep breath. The deployment was really happening.

What You Should Know About Getting Through the Pre-Deployment Period

Even if you know that your spouse is going to deploy, accepting the reality of them leaving can be difficult.

There is so much to think about. Will they be safe? What will they be doing? What will I do when they are gone? What about the children?

The time leading up to your deployment might be very stressful and that is normal. There is a lot that needs to happen and a lot that you want to happen. For some, this means one more trip home, a special family photo, or one more trip to the zoo, your family’s favorite place to go together.

As a spouse, you are aware that every minute you have together is precious and that once they leave, you will no longer get to have them.

What can do you during those weeks and days before the deployment?

Here are some ideas:

Be Helpful

Your spouse is going to need your help. They might need you to not make so many plans on the weekends leading up to their deployment date. They might need you to scale back on certain things or they might need help getting all their gear together.

Make sure to ask and let your spouse know that you are there for what they might need. In return, make sure you are open and honest about what you need from them. Maybe you need more daily kisses, maybe you need to have more movie nights. Talk things out so that you both know what each other need in the time before the deployment begins.

Be Patient

Patience is going to help you during the pre-deployment period. A lot of military couples fight during this time because of the stress level. Try not to worry too much when you see them packing their bags. Enjoy the time you still have together and try not to rush those days away. Be patient about work schedules before the deployment.

Sometimes they do have to work late, even just a few days before they have to go. Other times they will get off early and even have days off. Just know that you may or may not have a lot of time together before the deployment and that can be up to the Command, not your spouse.

Be Understanding

Getting ready to leave your family to go do something you trained for isn’t easy. Even though your spouse has a job to do, they are going to miss you and everything about the life you had created together. The pre-deployment period can be hard for them and they might not know how to act.

The closer they are to you before they leave, the harder it can be for them to go. Service members and even military spouses pull away a bit before a deployment because of that. They don’t want to make the goodbye more painful than it already is.

Be understanding of this and try not to take certain things personally. Sometimes the behavior is just the deployment talking.

Make Memories

Spend the weeks before the deployment making a lot of memories. Plan a trip, go on a lot of day trips, take a lot of photos and spend a lot of family time together.

If you have small kids and you know finding a babysitter once he is gone will be difficult, plan some time out with your friends when your husband is still home to watch them. You will be glad you did when you are months into solo parenting after the deployment has started.

Prepare the Children

If you have kids and they are old enough to understand what your spouse will be doing, have some talks about what will be happening beforehand. With smaller children, you don’t have to tell them what is going to happen but make sure you are there for them when they do start to ask for the other parent.

You can get Daddy Dolls and put up photos of your spouse in their bedroom. You can make a book of photos that are safe for babies and older children might appreciate something similar as well.

Some of the hardest parts of a deployment can be when your children miss their mom or dad. That can break your heart but luckily there are a lot of resources out there to help you. Sesame Street has a great program for deployed children and there are many children’s books about deployment that you can buy to have on hand.

Keep in mind too that different children might react differently based on their ages and their personalities. As the deployment begins you will start to see what might bother them and what they might be okay with.

Have a few date nights

If you are able to, plan a few date nights before they have to leave. Go out and spend time together as a couple. Enjoy one another.

Talk about your expectations during the time you are going to be apart. Talk about what you will do if you hit a hard period during the deployment.

Have fun on your dates too. See a movie, take a walk, go bowling. Do fun things you know you might miss when they are away.

Find Your People

You are going to need to find your people to help you through a deployment. Your people can be the neighbors on your streets, the moms in your playgroup, or even a good Facebook group of others that understand.

For me, finding that FRG was a must for our first deployment. They were a great group of women and being that we were all stationed in Germany together we created a second family of people to connect with and spend the deployment with.

This isn’t always the case and wasn’t in later deployments. Sometimes I had a close best friend, and other times I just had to stay busy as much as I could, depending on emotional help from family and friends who lived far away. Each deployment is going to look a little different but you will want to find a few people you can depend on while your spouse is away.

Any military spouse who has gone through a deployment can tell you, the pre-deployment period is not going to be easy. There is a lot to be stressed and anxious about during this time. Do your best to get through those days and weeks and know that once the deployment starts, the countdown can begin.

Blog Posts On Deployment

Someones hearing someone else’s story is super helpful in getting through the pre-deployment or deployment period. Here are a few blog posts from both Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and other military spouses to help you through:

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

For the MilSpouse Right in the Middle of a Deployment

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

The Emotional Cycle of Deployment: Pre-Deployment

15 Must-Do Things to Prepare for Deployment

5 Tough Conversations To Have BEFORE Deployment

Parent’s Guide to the Military Child During Deployment and Reunion

Pre-Deployment Checklist for Military Spouses

50+ Questions to Ask Your Spouse Before a Deployment

How do you prepare for a deployment?

Yes, Deploying Without a Cell Phone is Going to be Hard

by 2 Comments

Yes, Deploying Without a Cell Phone is Going to be Hard

The word is that those deploying to the middle east will not be able to bring their laptops or cell phones, at least in some cases. As you can imagine, this has caused quite a lot of drama. The comment section is filled with so many different thoughts on the subject.

Some people talk about how they never went through a deployment with a cell phone and they were just fine.

Others say the same thing with much harsher tones, “Get over it!'”

Some talk about how when they went through a deployment it was before the time of email and even regular communication of any kind.

I am also reminded of my Grandparents who only had letters, no R&R, and no clue when my Grandpa would be home from serving in World War II.

For myself, my own husband has never deployed with a cell phone. Laptop yes, but no cell phone. And for two of our deployments, the only way he could call me was on my home phone, the one attached to my apartment. If I went anywhere, I could come home to a message from him saying I missed his call.

These days, deployments are different. It is a lot easier to communicate and cell phones are very normal.

For some spouses, they have only ever known a life with cell phones.

I remember the first time I ever saw anything close to a cell phone. I was about 16 years old and my friend had borrowed her mom’s car phone. It was HUGE and sat right in the center console of the car.

I got my first cell phone when I was 21 and my first Smart Phone when I was in my 30s. My oldest was only 6 at the time, my youngest a baby. All my kids know is a life with cell phones.

As I read these articles and then the comments, my first reaction wants to be, “Well we did it without cell phones, you can too.”

But…

Then I think about the times others have said that about video chats or email. For some, those things are a luxury they never had, even being able to talk more than once a week is a luxury.

War changes. Deployment changes. Technology changes.

When the school called my mom in the 1980s, they would get an answering machine, not my mom on her cell phone.

Today, if the school calls, 99.9% of the time I will pick up right away on my cell phone.

Life is different and life has changed. We can talk to almost anyone we want instantly. We can text all day long. We don’t have to worry about missing a call. We are always connected.

We could debate about if that is healthy or not all day long but that is how things are in today’s world.

For some of the younger military spouses, and really some of us older ones too, talking to our spouse on a cell phone is the norm. And to face a deployment without one is a HUGE change.

Yes, people did deploy without them, and they got through it. Yes, people did deploy without email and they got through it. Yes, people did deploy without all the modern conveniences that we have gotten used to, and they got through it.

But…I think we can give some grace to a spouse that is worried because their husband or wife is going to be without one for a while.

Deployments can cause worry. Will my loved one be okay? How are they handling the transition? What do they need?

Having a cell phone on a deployment can help ease this worry a little bit. Especially if that is normally how you connect with the people you love. You can check in with each other more easily. You can connect more easily. Going without that is going to be difficult.

But talking down to people about it? Being harsh in your responses? Giving them attitude? Let’s stop doing that…please!

There is always a kind way to say something, even if it isn’t an easy thing to say. You never have to be nasty about it. That doesn’t help and just creates a divide.

The truth is, military spouses need seasoned spouses to help them through this. This could be the first time they are ever experiencing a deployment. There is a lot of fear there and a lot of worries. They don’t know what to expect and they might not even know that some of their feelings about all of this are normal.

So military spouse community, let’s do better when it comes to this. Let’s try to understand how hard this might be for some spouses. Let’s work together to help them through.

The best thing we have is our military spouse community, a group of other spouses who get it, a group that can help one another through.

And to the spouses who are having trouble with the idea of their spouse deploying without a cell phone, know that you can get through this challenge. It adds another layer to this deployment, probably one you aren’t expecting but there is a lot of support out there for you. Know, you are not going to have to go through this alone.

Just for fun, how old were you when you got your first cell phone???

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

by

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

I received a free box for review!

I love getting mail!

I especially loved getting mail when my husband is deployed.

Just something about getting a package in the mail makes me happy and puts me in a happy mood.

If you haven’t already heard about Brave Crate, you will be in for a happy surprise. Brave Crate is a box just for military spouses going through a deployment. How awesome is that?

If you sign up with Brave Crate, you will be getting your very own package in the mail once a month. Not only that but this package is made just for a spouse going through a deployment.

What’s In Each Brave Crate Box?

  • An intro to the month’s theme with tips and tricks from other military spouses
  • A beautiful calendar to track your countdown
  • 4-6 full size products to help you set goals, focus on wellness and support your marriage
  • One challenge card inspiring you to work toward purpose during deployment
  • Access to monthly webinars, challenge groups and interviews through our online community

I just received the latest box and wanted to share it with you. As you can see the box is filled with some amazing goodies.

The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need
The Brave Crate Box Is Exactly What You Need

Opening that pink box is always such a fun surprise!

How much does Brave Crate cost?

The box is $33.99/month for a 6-month subscription. Shipping for your box is only $6 no matter where you are! Brave Crate also offers monthly and 3-month subscription options.

I really think Brave Crate is such a great thing to have during a deployment. I really wish I could have ordered them during all of our deployments. Check out some of their past boxes and see the variety they provide, month after month.

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code SWCL and receive $5 off your first box!

You will be glad you did 🙂

5 Things to Do When Your Spouse Deploys Before the Holidays

by 2 Comments

Things to Do When Your Spouse Deploys Before the Holidays

We celebrated the Thanksgiving of 2008 a week early. My husband had the day off, so the Thursday before, I woke up with turkey and mashed potatoes on my mind. We had a full and fun day, and it didn’t matter one bit that we celebrated a week before everyone else was celebrating.

You see, on Thanksgiving of 2008, we would be doing something else. We would be saying goodbye to my husband for his 2nd deployment to Iraq. There was no way for us to celebrate Thanksgiving on the actual day, so we changed things around, and doing so was the best thing we could have done.

Years later, my husband was going to have to be gone for a few weeks for a new job over Christmas. When I first heard this I got really upset. Then I made a plan. When your spouse deploys, you learn how to get creative about things.

We changed Christmas morning to December 19th. And it worked out perfectly. We told the boys that Santa was going to come early because he knew their dad had to be away on the 25th. They went to bed on the 18th, just like they would have on the 24th. Everything worked out.

So then, when my husband left and the 25th came, we had already celebrated Christmas. We didn’t feel the loss quite as much, which was quite a relief.

As military families, we always have to adjust. We have to figure out how to make things work, even if we are not used to doing things that way. If you are getting ready for deployment or other separation around this time of year, you could be feeling a little down and frustrated.

However, there are a few things you CAN do to make this a little more okay. Here are some ideas:

  • Decorate early

I have seen military families decorate for Christmas in October because the mom or dad was going to deploy in November. I have seen people put up the Christmas lights the first week of November because that has always been a tradition and they didn’t want to miss it this year. If your spouse is leaving around the holidays, why not decorate early so they can take part in it?

  • Celebrate early

Like we have done in the past, why not celebrate a little early? There is no law that says you have to celebrate the holidays on the day they are on on the calendar. Figure out when the best time for your family to celebrate is, and celebrate then.

That way, when the actual holiday comes around and they are gone, you will not feel like you have missed out on celebrating together. You can even decide to celebrate early to take the stress of their deployment date out of the picture. Waiting to see if they deploy on the 23rd or the 26th is a lot less stressful if you already celebrated Christmas a week before.

  • Video and pictures

One Christmas, when my husband was deployed, I videotaped my boys opening gifts. That way, my husband was able to watch everything and didn’t feel as left out. If your spouse is traveling over the holidays or getting situated in his new location for a deployment, there might not be time to connect on the holiday, but you can always share videos and photos with them later.

  • Visit family

If your spouse is leaving for deployment around this time of year, going to stay with family can be a good idea. That way you are not as alone right when the deployment begins, and it is a more emotional time of year. Besides, your family will probably want to see you and your kids and celebrate with you this year.

  • Take a trip

If you don’t have a family to go to or just don’t want to visit them this time of year, you and your kids could always take a trip over the holidays. You could even go with another spouse and their kids. Getting out of your house and visiting somewhere new can be a good way to get through this holiday season when you are starting a new deployment.

Life can be tricky when your spouse deploys around the holidays. You might not even know when they are actually leaving and as you get closer to the holidays you are used to celebrating together, things can get pretty stressful. See what you can do to make this year special anyway.

Do you have any tips for someone going through this? What has worked for you?