Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Prayers During a Deployment

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Prayers During a Deployment

 

Prayers During a Deployment

Prayer has always been a part of my life.  When my husband is deployed I pray for him.  I also know he is on about 5-6 different military prayer lists at different churches around the country.  I know his family is praying for him.  I know his friends are too.

But this is where I am stuck.  Will praying keep him safe?  I pray all the time he is safe.

But the reality is people who have prayed for their husbands (or wives, sons, daughters, etc) have lost them 🙁   It’s hard because I just don’t understand it.  And maybe I am not supposed to.  Maybe I am just supposed to pray and trust that God will protect him?  Will more prayers from more people help him?

I know that when people pray for my emotional state, I do feel better.  When we pray for families of the fallen, I hope that they do feel a little more comfort.  But praying to keep people safe is where I get confused.  Not that we shouldn’t do it, I think we should but I just get confused by it all.

Prayer just feels very complicated to me right now. I want to believe that prayers will keep people safe, that they will heal them and that by doing so it will make life better. I want to believe I have power over it. At the end of the day, I really don’t and that is a very hard thing to let go of. I don’t want to have to think that my husband might not come back from war. I want to believe that he will be 100% safe and return to us so we can go on with our lives.

With the recent news of even more deaths, I just get even more scared about my husband being over there.  Honestly, it terrifies me.  Mix that with bad feelings I have never had before, I just feel lost. It’s a scary thing to have to go through. To make a will, to have those discussions, to be afraid of a knock at the door. It is all a part of Military life and deployments and something the spouse just has to figure out a way to deal with.

The reality is, that most of those who go over there come back. Most of them are okay and most people go on and have a life after deployment, although there might be a lot of struggles along the way. All we can really do is pray for them, pray for us and rest in the knowledge that God is there no matter what happens in the future.

 

Anyone else struggle with this?

 

And at the end of it all…Homecoming!

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One thing I try to keep in mind is that at the end of the deployment, we get to experience something wonderful…homecoming.

Military Homecoming

After all the long nights, computer conversations, emotional breakdowns, tears and lonely nights…it is finally over.  You wake up with a smile on your face thinking, “Is today really the day?” And it is. You get ready as soon as you can only to have hours to sit and wait for the final phone call. And finally, you get it.

Someone on the other end of the line tells you those magical words, “Your soldier will be arriving at the gym at 2pm.” And now you have a time. You can countdown in hours! Before you know it you are at the gym with your kids with all the other wives and children waiting for everything to start. It seems like forever as you sit there with a smile on your face. You can’t help it. This is such a happy day!

Finally someone important tells you it is almost time and to take your seat. The gym gets quiet, you see smoke and hear music and see the first of the boots march in. “Where is he? My husband is tall I should be able to spot him, ” you ask as you search the crowd of uniforms for your husband. And there he is, so serious. You know how excited HE is but he can’t smile about it, at least not yet. All the men are finally in the gym and you can’t stand it.

Someone important says a few words, maybe a prayer and then you hear those words…the words you have waited a full year to hear, “soldiers you are released”

The room goes nuts. The men in uniform start to smile and laugh and the women run to them. Children shouting “daddy daddy,” and you find him, and you hug him and you kiss him. Finally, the deployment is over. He is done with the deployment. The deployment stress is gone and he is in your arms again. All around you are daddy’s meeting babies, wives kissing husbands, and the room is filled with joy.

Other than my wedding day and the births of my children, there is nothing more wonderful than homecoming day.  So after he does deploy I will remember that after some time, that day will come again. And we will have another homecoming day.

A Military Wife

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A Military Wife

 

 

A Military Wife

 

Lots of moving…
Moving…
Moving……

Moving far from home…
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog…all riding with HER of course….
Moving sofas to basements because they won’t go in THIS house;
Moving curtains that won’t fit;
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends;
Moving toward new friends;
Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.
Often waiting…
Waiting…
Waiting…
Waiting for housing.
Waiting for orders.
Waiting for deployments.
Waiting for phone calls.
Waiting for reunions.
Waiting for the new curtains to arrive.
Waiting for him to come home,
For dinner…AGAIN!
They call her ‘Military Dependent’, but she knows better:
She is fiercely In-Dependent.
She can balance a check book;
Handle the yard work;
Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet…
She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes;
Sell a house;
Buy a car;
Or set up a move…
…..all with ONE Power of Attorney.
She welcomes neighbors that don’t welcome her.
She reinvents her career with every PCS;
Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south.
And learns to call them all ‘home’.
She MAKES them all home.
Military Wives are somewhat hasty…
They leap into:
Decorating,
Leadership,
Volunteering,
Career alternatives,
Churches,
And friendships.
They don’t have 15 years to get to know people.
Their roots are short but flexible.
They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them.
Military Wives quickly learn to value each other:
They connect over coffee,
Rely on the spouse network,
Accept offers of friendship and favors.
Record addresses in pencil…
Military Wives have a common bond:

The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is unique.
He doesn’t have a ‘JOB’
He has a ‘MISSION’ that he can’t just decide to quit…
He’s on-call for his country 24/7.
But for her, he’s the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign
TDY
PCS
OPR
SOS
ACC
BDU
ACU
BAR
CIB
TAD
ABU
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long- distance link to keep them informed;
the glue that holds them together.
A Military Wife has her moments:
She wants to wring his neck;
Dye his uniform pink;
Refuse to move to Siberia;
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days,
A travel brochure,
A long hot bath,
A pledge to the flag,
A wedding picture,
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.
Why?
What for?
How come?
You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man,
Who puts duty first,
Who longs to deploy,
Who salutes the flag,
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military Husband,
She will remain his military wife.
And would have it no other way.
–Author Unknown

When He is Away

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When he Is Away For Deployment

When he is away, I have fewer clothes to clean.  I have less food to make.  Less food to buy.  I can do whatever I choose to do and don’t have to run it by another adult.

When he is away I can watch what I want to watch on the tv.  I can eat all the ice cream myself and don’t have to fill up the gas tank as often.

When he is away, I miss my best friend.  I miss sharing a meal.  I miss seeing him drink his nasty beer.  I miss asking another adult his opinion.

When he is away I miss his commentary while watching silly shows.  I miss driving around with him and going to fun places as a family.

When he is away I am the solo parent. I wake the children up, make sure they are fed and taken care of. I am the one that puts them to bed, alone. I take them where they need to go and check their homework. I am mom and dad and have a lot of roles to fill that were made for more than one person. When he is away I cry more and smile less. That’s the reality.

When he is away I can come up with things that make me feel better about it all but I miss him all the same.  Such is life as a military wife.  As I look at the years ahead and know they will be filled with separations I try to remember those times when he is with us and life does seem a little more normal.   I will cherish those times and keep those memories with me always as I know how hard time away can be.

I know that life will not always be this way. Someday he will always be home with us and I hope that when that day comes I will remember the days when he was away and never take him for granted.

Writing Handwritten Letters When Your Spouse is Overseas

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I left for college in 1997 and email was very new. My dad hooked us up with Prodigy and then AOL when I was in high school but it wasn’t until I started college that most of my friends had email too. For the first few years, we still wrote handwritten letters to each other. 

I loved that and I miss how we use to do that all the time. I had this box filled with stationery and I loved getting it out and writing my friends letters. Updating them on my life and what was going on.

By the time, I graduated college email was more the norm, and these days we mostly use email for business reasons or transactions, or to get promotions to our favorite or not-so-favorite stores and restaurants. As much as I love how easy it is to connect with pretty much anyone these days, I miss those handwritten letters.

Ideally, each deployment would be filled with handwritten love letters between my husband and me but it just didn’t happen that way with us this last deployment. Communication was actually a big issue between us and one I hope we can work out before he has to leave again. There is something special about getting a letter in the mail written in his handwriting knowing he touched the same paper I was reading. There is something magical about it all.

I do have to be thankful, though.  Back when my Grandparents were going through WW2 all they had were handwritten notes.  No chatting on Skype for them.  No phone calls and no emails. They also didn’t even know when my Grandpa would be home. Can you imagine? What a different time we live in.

Writing Handwritten Letters To Your Spouse Overseas

Do you write a lot of handwritten letters during deployment or do you depend more on email/Skype?  Do you write handwritten letters to friends?

Getting Through A Deployment

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Getting Through A Deployment

Getting Through A Deployment

I have gotten a few emails recently about how to get through a deployment.  So I figured I would do a blog post about it.

When I finally know when my husband is going to deploy, I start making some plans on how to deal with what is going to happen and get through it.  I make lists.  Lists of things I can do for fun.  Lists of things I want to accomplish.  Lists of places I want to go. The lists never seem to end but they are helpful in keeping focused on getting through a deployment.

When he leaves, I get right to my lists!  The first day after you drop them off is so very hard.  The first week is very difficult.  I find myself walking around the housing remembering that last week at that time he was here doing things with us.  I find it hard to do the laundry and wash the rest of his dirty clothes he left behind.  I suddenly lost the other adult in my house.  It can be pretty painful.  But by about the month point I feel like I am going to make it.  I do have horrible, bad and sad days in between but I feel like I can get into a good routine and make it all work.

Getting Through A Deployment

What are some of the things I do to stay busy during a deployment?

I scrapbook

I take pictures

I do picture projects

I plan to read a certain amount of books

I plan to visit family (which will be easier being in the US now)

I find out what is going on in the community and fill up my calendar

I make plans with other Army spouses

I make sure my kids are having fun and taken care of

I fill my calendar up to stay busy

My main goal in getting through a deployment is to stay busy but not to the point where I burn myself out. This can be a hard balance to figure out and give yourself some grace to not get it quite right. It is something that is hard for so many of us but we have to just get up in the morning and try our best. It is all we can really do when dealing with a deployment.

I also try to live my life.  It can be sad to do things without him but I can’t put my life on hold for a year at a time, especially since we seem to be in this every other year deployment cycle.  I hate thinking about everything he will have to miss when he is gone. There will be way too many pages in the scrapbook where he is missing but I can’t just sit in the corner during the deployment. I have to try and make it through the months apart. The best way that I can.

DSC01853

What would your advice be for getting through a deployment?

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The Best Time for a Military Family to Have a Baby

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When IS the best time for a military family to have a baby?When IS the best time for a military family to have a baby?

I think this is something that a lot of military wives struggle with.  With all these deployments and not much time at home, how do you plan the perfect time to have a baby?  Is it better they miss the pregnancy but are there for the birth?  What if you plan it perfectly but then deployment orders change?  What if it takes longer than you think to get pregnant?

Deciding to have AJ seemed easy.  We had been apart for 4.5 months while DW and I were waiting on Command Sponsorship.  When we got to Germany we just decided to see what would happen.  When Ben left for Iraq we thought that he would be home when the baby was about 3 months old.  At the end of the deployment, he was 11 months old.  I have several friends that got pregnant on R&R that deployment.  They were due about 2 months after the guys were supposed to be home.  It was ideal!  They would not miss the birth and should be home for most of that first year.  But then we got extended and a lot of the dads missed the whole pregnancy and didn’t meet the child until they were a few months old.

You can plan what you can but things always seem to change.  When my husband got home in Nov 2007 I knew that I wanted another baby but I knew I did not want one in Germany.  I also knew I did not want to go through another deployment in Germany with 3 kids.  I know a lot of people do it and I know I could have done it if it was what happened, but I didn’t want to plan for it.

I have talked with a lot of my military wife friends about what would be easier.  They miss the birth but then get to enjoy an older baby?  They miss the pregnancy but can be there for the birth?  They are there through it all but miss the 2nd year?  I don’t think there is one right answer.

My husband was with me during the first part of pregnancy.  I was sick and tired all the time.  I would not look forward to going through that without him.  He missed the birth even though they tried to send him home in time.  I could do another birth without him but I do not want to.  He was there when DW was born and I hate that he missed out on that with AJ.  He was gone during the early months of his life which in a way made things easier at night.  I didn’t have to worry about waking him up when I had to nurse.  But then the extra help is missing too.  I also felt like it was harder for him to bond with AJ.  He got to see him on R&R; when he was a few weeks old but then didn’t get to see him again until he was almost a toddler.   This made bonding with him a lot harder.  Not that it hasn’t happened because it has; just it took a lot longer than it would have.

Both deployments left me with a new 2-year-old.    Hopefully,  that won’t happen again.  He hasn’t ever missed the first steps but has missed first words.  I think as military wives we know they will miss something.  We know other wives have been through it.  We know we will get through it.  We know it is all a part of the lifestyle.  But it still doesn’t make it very easy.

I take a ton of pictures which I know helps but I need to be better about taking videos of the kids.  Hopefully the Flip will help with that 🙂

So when is the best time to have a baby in the military?  Who knows!!! You just have to decide for yourself and see what happens.

 

Another Military Homecoming

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military homecoming
Military Homecoming
As I am getting ready for Homecoming 2009 I can’t help but think back to Homecoming 2007.  It was a 15-month deployment and it was 11 months between R&R; and Homecoming.  This time seems so different since I just saw him in August.  The whole Homecoming thing is really cool…once you get that phone call of where you need to be.

All the waiting until the Military homecoming just plain old sucks.  But it is worth it.

You get to the gym (or wherever you are supposed to be) and you wait.  You wait.  And you wait some more.
And then it starts.
The gym starts to fill with smoke.  You hear music and then you see them as the brave soldiers march through the door.  You try hard to spot your own spouse and when you do your heart just wants to burst.  But you have to wait.  They usually have a little
But you have to wait.  They usually have a little 5-minute speech and then you hear those words you have been waiting for…”Soldiers, you are released”  Or something like that.
It’s the words you have been waiting months and in my case, over a year to hear. The words that mean that your spouse is yours once again. That the deployment is over, that the homecoming has happened and that you can go back to living life as a Military couple once again.
Then everyone is running for their husband and it is just wonderful.  Hugs and kisses and relief.  Proposals and meeting of children and moms crying into their son’s arms. It beautiful and lovely and something a Military spouse is never ever going to forget.
Oh I can’t wait.  I really can’t wait to do it all over again 🙂

Are you waiting on a Military homecoming too?

Military Homecoming
Military Homecoming

Military Homecoming

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