Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

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13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

As military spouses, we each live our own lives. Although we are all unique and there is no one way to be a military spouse, there are parts of military life that ring true for all of us. From deployments to PCSing, these means ring true to military life.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

 

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Yes! OPSEC! It’s important and can be a bit confusing.
If you are a new military spouse, learn what OPSEC is and make sure to check out PERSEC as well.

 

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Military life will push you out of your comfort zone whether you like it or not. What is something adventurous that you have done since you became a military spouse?

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Sometimes those waves feel like too much but you will get through them.
And then enjoy the more peaceful periods of a deployment.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

The military ball! A time to dress up and go out with your spouse.
Dinner and dancing and away from the kids, what could be better than that?

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Yep! We live for those calls. Even if they wake us up from a deep sleep.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life
Commissary shopping is a big part of military life. Stick to these rules for a better experience.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

You never know where you might end up as a military spouse.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life
PCSing soon? Moving is always a chore but you have to make the best of it.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

This sums up military life all in one meme!

 

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Always. Military life will keep you guessing and once you have figured it out, you will learn something new.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Yes! We have to find our people to help us through. Then in return, we can be there for them.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Truth! Nothing is 100%. Nothing. It can always change.

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

Yes! Embrace that fresh start! Find new places to explore and bloom where you are stationed.

How long have you been a military spouse?

Having a Baby Overseas

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Having a Baby Overseas

Having a Baby Overseas

If on my wedding day you would have told me I would have a child in a different country, I would not have believed you. However, my 2nd little boy was born in Bavaria, in a German hospital with a German midwife and OB.

Thankfully my mom came to stay with us since my husband was deployed. He ended up missing the birth by three days. They sent him home on R&R, but the little guy just couldn’t wait.

I enjoyed giving birth in Germany, but the time after I gave birth was tough and lonely.

My mom couldn’t stay with me because there just wasn’t room and she had to be with my two-year-old. I missed my husband and was wishing he could be there with me. I couldn’t get comfortable, and I didn’t like the food.

Having a baby overseas

Giving birth overseas was nothing like my first birth, and that was hard to come to terms with. One night I asked the nurse for a diaper, and she couldn’t understand what I was saying until I used the word,”Pampers” instead. I was frustrated by the language barrier and mad at myself for not doing something about that before I got to the hospital.

If I had to do things over again, I would have taken a German class when I first moved there, or even when I was still in the states.

Although I was able to pick up a tiny amount of German, learning the language would have helped during my pregnancy and birth. Although a lot of Germans do speak English, some do not and knowing how to speak German would have been very helpful during my time in the German hospital.

Germany is a lot more pro-natural childbirth than the US is. They didn’t pressure me to get the epidural when I didn’t want one, and they did not push an induction. They did want me to have an enema which was an interesting experience.

After I gave birth the doctor told me that my birth went so well I should have had a home birth. I don’t think you would hear that very often from an OB in the US. At the time, I wanted a natural birth so giving birth in Germany made that much easier.

Having a baby in Germany

I will always look at my middle son as my Germany baby and remember how he came into this world. How his Dad missed the birth, but how my mom stepped in when he couldn’t. How her being there bonded us in a way I am thankful for.

I love that I had experience giving birth overseas as doing so was very different from my experiences giving birth with my other two boys in the US. When I look back at my time as a military spouse, giving birth overseas will be a big part of my story.

If you are getting ready to give birth in a different country, think about what an amazing experience doing so can be.

  • Make sure to ask questions
  • Find out what is different from what you are used to
  • Take a tour of the hospital
  • Take a class about giving birth in your host country
  • Talk to others who have given birth in the same hospital
  • Get prepared for the hospital stay
  • Learn the language if you are able to

The more you know about what the birth will be like the better prepared you will be and the better experience you will have.

Having a baby overseas

Have you ever given birth overseas? Where were you and what was it like?

What to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

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What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get ExtendedWhat to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

The summer of 2007 was a difficult one for us in Schweinfurt, Germany. Our husbands had been deployed since the August before, and things were starting to wind down on their deployment. Although their orders said 12 months, there was a lot of talk about them coming home in June of that year, making the deployment nine months.

That didn’t happen, and they said that the deployment would be a year. And then, one day, it became much more than that. My husband’s unit was part of the surge in Iraq. They would no longer be coming home in August. Their orders were extended for October which became November.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

My husband returned home to us a little shy of 15 months. We had not seen him since R&R, 11 months before. To say this was a long deployment was an understatement. And it felt like the deployment would never end. Even when we got close, it got extended.

Having your spouse’s deployment orders extended is one of the hardest things to have to deal with. Even if you have prepared for this happening, there is still a part of you that hoped it wouldn’t happen. You will probably feel crushed, broken, and wonder how in the world you will make it until they can get home.

If your spouse’s deployment orders get extended, here are some things you can do to help you make it through:

Let it out

When you first hear the news, you are probably going to break down. That is okay. Have a good cry about the situation, vent to a friend, or just let everything out in a journal.

It’s okay to be mad about the situation, it’s okay to be angry at the military, it’s okay to be upset because your spouse is going to be gone longer than you thought.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

Look at the benefits

For us, we started to receive an extra $1,000 a month after the one year mark. This was a benefit to me and although I would have preferred to have my husband home earlier, it was nice to have that extra money.

Take some time to figure out what your benefits are, even if they seem small. Focusing on the advantages of the situation can help you handle it better.

Make a game plan

Once you have cried it all out over the extension, come up with a game plan. Back in 2007, a group of us spouses got together at McDonald’s after we heard the news. We were in shock, but we wanted to figure out how we were going to get through this. And we knew we would have to depend on one another.

Figure out how to stay busy

Staying busy is going to be even more important the last few months of an extended deployment. You don’t want just to sit around being bored. That will drive your nuts. Continue to stay busy and get out there. You will be glad that you did.

Try something new

The end of this deployment is a good time to try something new. Maybe for you, that is starting a new book series or volunteering somewhere. It could also mean starting school, looking for a new job, or even going on a small trip. The key is finding something you can focus on.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

Extended deployments are so difficult to deal with, but they are a part of military life. Orders get changed, and there are a lot of different reasons why your spouse might be deployed longer than you thought they would be.

Have you ever been through an extended deployment?

 

The Truth About Military Duty Stations

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The Truth About Military Duty Stations

I just wanted to go home. I hated it there. Everything about that place was starting to get on my nerves. We were still months away from PCSing and the closer that date got, the harder it was to be patient. I wanted to move so badly. Live somewhere else. Get out of where we were.

Looking back, it seems unreal that I thought this about being stationed in Germany. Being stationed in Europe is a dream come true. Doing so was an amazing experience and one I am very thankful for. But after a couple of years of being away from the US, all I wanted to do was go somewhere else.

The Truth About Military Duty Stations

 

There are always a lot of questions about duty stations in my Facebook community. So many people want to know what to expect and what living in some locations will be like.

These questions are a good idea so that military spouses can find out more about what they will be doing in the future. I know I always have a ton of questions before I move somewhere new.

Duty stations come in all different sizes and are located in very different places. Hawaii is going to be an entirely different experience than being stationed in upstate New York.

The Truth about Duty stations

So what is the truth about military duty stations?

Some are better than others, but…

Some duty stations are better than others. The housing is better, the weather is more ideal in California than it is in the South, and some places have more resources than others. Some locations are favorites of military families and some places cause a lot of dread when they are brought up.

The truth is, you could have an enjoyable experience at a horrible place, or you could have a horrible experience in paradise. Homesickness can kick in and if you are stationed far from home, going to visit can be difficult.

If you do get orders for one of the less popular duty stations, try not to get too upset about them. You never know what your experience will be like and you may just figure out how to bloom where you are stationed.

The people make the difference

The people you meet at your duty station can make the difference. In one place you could end up in the right neighborhood and makes friends very quickly. These are the people that you will remember after you PCS. They are the ones that will make your experience at your duty station what it is.

In other places, you could struggle to make friends and not finding your tribe can be a difficult place to be in. You might look back on those years with unfavorable memories and dread simply because you had a hard time connecting with others.

If you have issues with different people at your duty station, that is going to change your experiences as well. Too much drama and feeling like you don’t fit in can make your time there not as great.

The Truth about duty stations

Things change all the time

No matter where you are or how you feel about your duty station, things change all the time. People PCS away, you can move, even within the same city, your kids get older, and you PCS yourself.

Whenever I feel like I have found my group of friends in my current city, I am aware that things will change. That what we have at the moment will not last forever and that things will be different in the future.

This is a good thing if you don’t like where you live, not so good if you do.

Duty stations don’t last forever

If you hate where you live, don’t think it will get any better, and can’t wait to leave, eventually, you will. Although some military families do stay at the same place for a while, most move at least every 3-5 years. Some even more often.

You will eventually PCS out of where you are now. You might have to be patient and wait for that, but the day will eventually come.

Same duty station, completely different experiences

You should always keep in mind that two people can have completely different experiences at the same duty station. Here at Fort Campbell, we have people that love this place and never want to go anywhere else and those that loathe it and can’t wait to move.

I think your experience at a particular duty station is going to depend on a few factors. One is where you are from and what you are used to. If you come from California, living in a much colder part of the country is going to make a difference.

Your experience is also going to depend on your house, your spouse’s unit and even the ages of your children. You could have two completely different experiences at the same place simply because there are 10 years in between.

The truth of military duty stations

When it comes to duty stations, remember that seeking advice is a good thing but don’t get discouraged by bad comments. Know that you will probably be able to experience many different places during your spouse’s career and that you won’t stay in one place forever.

What do you love the most about your current duty station?

 

Moving Every Few Years As a Military Family Isn’t a Bad Thing

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Moving Every Few Years As a Military Family Isn't a Bad Thing

Moving Every Few Years As a Military Family Isn’t a Bad Thing

I have been visiting my family this summer; they still live in the house I grew up in. We moved in when I was just five years old, and I lived there until I left their home at the age of 18, going off to college.

I grew up in this city. I graduated high school with most of the same people I started 1st grade with. Almost every part of this city has a memory attached to it.

As I was driving home from meeting a friend for lunch, I couldn’t help but think of all that. There was the street we would go down to get to junior high. There was where the old McDonald’s was we used to go to before youth group on Wednesday nights. There was the 7-11 I would grab a slushie from walking home from school.

Military Spouse Life

The list could go on and on.

As I reflected on this, I started thinking about military life and how for so many, this is the opposite of how their kids are growing up. Moving every three years, making new friends, exploring new places.

As military kids grow up they won’t have that one place where they called home; they will have several. Some they will have stronger memories of that others.

They might never again see anyone they went to 1st grade with, losing touch when they or their classmates move away, which is guaranteed to happen.

When they look back on their junior high years, they are probably not going to be anywhere near where their parents decided to retire. Those streets might even be foreign to them if that happens after they leave home.

Some military families do stay put. Some can extend their stays at their duty stations for longer than three or four years. Some stay so that kids can finish high school; others stay because they do want to put down those roots and somehow military life let them.

Why Moving Every Few Years As a Military Family Isn't a Bad Thing

But for most military families, the moving, the changing of places, the pcsing, it all becomes the norm.

Where you lived when your children were babies can be literally across the world from where you will live when they are teenagers.

Although some military families can go back to past duty stations, none of the same people are there the second time around, and that changes things.

Over the years, we can return to visit our own hometowns. Some of us left at 18, ready to start our own lives.

And once you do that. Once you leave, you can never really return. Even if you do, things will be different. You will be different.

I haven’t moved as much as some military families. As a Guard family, you tend to stay in the same place. But I have lived in places so very different from my home town in Southern California.

I have been able to experience a small German village, a southern military friendly city, and have enjoyed a lot of experiences I would never have had I stayed in Southern California.

If you are getting ready to move somewhere new, if you are getting ready to PCS somewhere out of your comfort zone, if you are scared of being away from home, remember that you will be learning so many things from all the places you end up.

Why Moving Every Few Years As a Military Family Isn't a Bad Thing

You will meet people you would never have. You will do things you never thought about before. You will experience how other people have lived, even if how they do so is so very different from your own upbringing.

Military life forces you out of your comfort zone. How can it not? So whether you are two hours from where you grew up, a two days drive, or a flight longer than you ever could have imagined, know that you will learn and grow as a person from being able to live there.

Look at moving as the biggest adventure. No, you might not be able to give your children the stability of a hometown for all of their 18 years, but you will be able to provide them with a life filled with new experiences.

What is one thing you have enjoyed about moving around every few years as a military family?

 

Becoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get Through

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Becoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get ThroughBecoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get Through

I spent three years as a civilian wife.

During those years we could plan things out, and most likely they would not change. If he needed time off, he would ask for it. I was a new mom, and he had been there for the nine months of pregnancy and then the newborn months.

During those years we had a pretty simple life. There wasn’t a lot of drama. I knew he would be there for my birthday, our son’s firsts and the idea of parenting my son alone for any length of time sent shivers down my spine. I laugh about that now.

Military spouses

My years as a civilian wife were far from easy of course. I was stressed like every new mom was. But at the time I had no idea what was ahead for us.

In November of 2005, my husband and I made the choice for him to re-enlist in the Army, at age 30. He had been in before, years before I had met him.

I didn’t think being a military wife was going to be my life. Not at all. The Army was in his past. But in 2005, it became his present, and I started my life as a military spouse.

It’s been almost 12 years since that happened and over those 12 years, so much has happened. We have added two more children, gone through 4 deployments, 3 PCS moves and became a National Guard family.

My husband joining the military changed everything.

My civilian life? That is a thing of the past. I learned pretty quickly that being a military wife was an entirely different way to live.

I figured out that you can’t always depend on your spouse to be there. Whether you are thinking about your son’s first steps or the birth of your child.

I figured out that missing someone you are married to for over a year is completely different than missing a boyfriend for a few months when you went off to college.

I figured out that we as military spouses see the fear in our future, might even start to panic about it, but figure out ways to make it through.

Military spouses

As a civilian wife, the idea of solo parenting seemed unbelievable.

As a military wife, I have spent the equivalent of years without my partner by my side.

In this world, we always want to compare, and I can’t help compare my own life before the Army vs after. They were so different. I was different.

But over the years I have learned something important. No matter what your stress might me. No matter what struggle you might be dealing with. No matter how weak you feel, you can figure out a way to make it through.

We can all depend on one another. During our darkest days, we can turn to a friend, a family member, or even an online community.

We can see that others have worried for their spouses like we have. We can see that others have broken down at having to change ALL the diapers. We can learn from those who have come before us and have wise words to share.

I have heard people say that being a military wife is the same as being a civilian wife. This has not been my experience at all. My two lives are like night and day.

Becoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get Through

Being a military wife is probably one of the best things that have happened to me.

In the last 12 years, I have learned so much about life, how to cope, how to handle stress, and how to be resilient in the face of disappointing circumstances.

I have seen the power of the military community. To help one another out through deployments, the loneliness, and the hardships.

I have become who I am because my husband has served. And I know that my life would be completely different had my husband never rejoined the military on that day in 2005.

If you are a military spouse looking for support, you have come to the right place. On this blog, you will find posts about deployments, pcsing, and all things military life.

Although we all come from different branches, we have a lot in common and finding support is a must!

You can also sign up for my mailing list to receive a free guide to the first 30 days of a deployment and join my Facebook support group. 

What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

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What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

Bullying is everywhere. From schools to churches to the military community. Bullying happens to children, and it can also happen to adults. Bullying happens within our military spouse community, and the worst of it seems to be online.

Being an online bully is pretty easy. You can hide behind your computer screen, no one needs to know who you are, and you can do so without being called out.

What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

 

Bullying can happen when a new military spouse asks an innocent question or when anyone is asking for advice about a struggle they are going through. People even go on and on about us calling ourselves “military spouses.”

The military community can be the right place to ask questions. So many of us have been through so many different situations and are willing to help. Sadly, not everyone is so understanding, and that is when the bullying happens.

The truth is, when bullies act as they do, that says more about them than it does about the person they are going after. When you are being targeted though, that is easy to forget.

Online bullying

We all need to work together. Every single one of us and if we do, I believe that we can cut down on the bullying and all learn from one another. We are better than a group of people who go after one another. We are strong men and women who stand by and support those who have chosen to sign up to serve our country.

So what can we do about this military spouse bullying issue? How can we make our community a better place?

Be respectful in your responses

Being respectful isn’t difficult. When you are responding to someone online, remember to stay respectful. Even if what they are asking seems silly. Even if what they are asking seems obvious. We were all the new military spouse at one time. We were all very young at one time.

Online bullying

Stay away from the hate groups

There are military spouse hate groups online. Their only goal is to make fun of other spouses. While groups like this are not a shock, they don’t need to be the norm. Stay away from the hate groups. They are not worthy of our energy.

The military community is so good at standing up to groups like the Westboro Baptist Church when they come to protest a funeral, but do we feel the same way about the hate groups within our military communities? Something to think about the next time you see one in your Facebook feed.

Remember that everyone experiences things differently

What you have experienced as a military spouse can be completely different than what your neighbor has. Sometimes when we have not experienced something, we don’t quite understand what the other person who has experienced it is going through. But we can still be kind in our responses to them.

Telling them they are wrong, assuming they are lying, or just giving them a mean response because their experiences are different than ours is not okay. Be understand, realize that there are different ways for things to happen, and be open to listening to what the other person has to say.

Remember, we are a family

Here’s the deal, the military world, particularly within each branch can be rather small. Whatever you say online could get back to anyone else in the military community. This could be bad for you; this could be bad for your spouse.

It’s simply not worth it. You could be bullying someone that you see every day on your military post. You could be bullying someone in your spouse’s chain of command. You can hide behind your screen but the reality is, what you put out there could get back to you and that could cause issues for you and your service member down the line.

What would happen if you PCS to a new duty station only for your spouse’s COC to know about the bullying you had done towards their own spouse? Do you think that would make things easier for your service member? Do you think a spouse that is bullied wouldn’t talk to her own husband about that? Whether you want to admit it or not, it can get back to you and that can be bad news for your spouse’s career.

Your Grandma can see what you post online

When I see what some people post on the comments on Facebook pages, I am amazed. Anyone who follows you on Facebook can see what you post there, even people you have chosen to unfollow. This means your grandma can see your words. Your mom can see your words. Your siblings can see your words. Your co-workers and even your boss can see your words. If they are hateful, that could cause a lot of issues for you down the line.

What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

Let it go and walk away

When someone is irritating you online, it is best to let it go and walk away. Vent to your friends privately but when you go on and on and back and forth with a stranger, you are putting yourself in a bad place. Most of the time, let things go, walk away and let the issue burn out.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t participate in civil debates, but when things go hateful, the back and forth makes both of you look bad, even if you are the one in the right. You can always choose to block someone who is going after you. Make it difficult to keep going after you. Virtually walk away as much as you can.

Online bullying is a part of our world now. We don’t want bullying happening to our children, let’s not do it in our military communities. Let’s all be better than that. Let’s be helpful and know when to walk away. If we can do this, our community will become a stronger one for all of us.

 

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

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Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

I was in several long distance relationships when I was in college. I can remember so clearly how hard they were. I wasn’t married, but I missed my boyfriend very much. So much so that I felt split down the middle. Half of me was with him, and the other half was trying to live that normal college life.

Don't Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

 

This was in the day before everyone had a cell phone so I would have to wait in my dorm room for him to call. I couldn’t just go out and do something else unless I wanted to miss talking with him. Plenty of times I had to tell my roommate to go to lunch or dinner without me, and I would catch up later.

This wasn’t a good way to live. I got fatigued with feeling so torn all the time. I wanted to continue the relationship as my boyfriend was important to me, but at the same time, I wanted to be free to make friends and have fun in my college life.

As a military spouse, I sometimes still feel this pull although it is a bit different these days. My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years, and I know where I stand with him. I don’t have the worries that I did as a girlfriend.

 

And although I miss him terribly, I also want to live my life when he is gone. I want to have fun with friends and my kids. I want to make memories. I don’t want to be stuck in the in between. I don’t want to be stuck in a deployment hole.

You know the one, where everything sucks and you feel sad all the time. Where you can’t seem to live your life the way you want, and you feel so helpless that nothing will be right again until they come home.

Military Spouse Life

So why do I do to help with this? How do I avoid falling into that deployment hole?

Make plans

Make plans. Get out there and fill up your calendar. You will be glad you did. If you do not have any children at home with you, this is even more important. You don’t want to fall into that deployment loneliness hole by being by yourself too much. Join a club, find a friend to get together with, go for walks, see a movie, just keep busy while they are gone.

Don’t wait for calls

Don’t plan your days around when they might call. Even though we all have cell phones these days, you still might want to stay home for a Facetime chat. Don’t. Don’t be afraid to get out there. I know how hard it can be when you miss a call or don’t get a chance to talk, but when you plan your schedule around possible calls, that can lead to being sucked right into that deployment hole.

Don’t be afraid to have fun

It’s okay to laugh, make jokes, and have fun when your spouse is away. Don’t feel guilty when you do. They wouldn’t want you stuck at home all day being sad. Don’t be afraid to stay busy as it is the best way to make it through a deployment.

Don't Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

Don’t talk every day

I know, I know. Talking every day is ideal, right? Not totally. I know for me I prefer talking once every two to three days. That is the perfect amount of time for me. I have found that talking every day is just too much. You run out of things to say and if you get used to that and they can’t call for a few days or even longer, it’s even harder to wait. Not that I would turn down a phone call but talk to your spouse about phone call expectations.

Try new things

Deployments can be the right time to try something new. A new hobby, a new job, or just work on bettering yourself. A lot of military spouses work on fitness goals or go back to school. Make a list of what you have always wanted to do and put your plans into action.

What do you do when you feel like you are getting sucked down that deployment hole?

Here are some more posts about deployments:

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

Going Down the Long Deployment Road