Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

Give Back This Holiday Season With Dogs For Our Brave

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Dogs for Our Brave's Mission

This is a sponsored post by Dogs For Our Brave

Give Back This Holiday Season With Dogs For Our Brave

I love dogs. I wasn’t raised with them but we got our first dog in 2014 and she has added so much to our family. Dogs can be the perfect family pet but beyond that, they can also be trained to help others in need. One example of this is service and companion dogs for injured service members. One organization that is helping bring these dogs to those who need them is Dogs for Our Brave.

Dogs for Our Brave's Mission

Dogs for Our Brave’s Mission

The mission of Dogs for Our Brave is to provide service/campaign dogs at no cost to injured service members while service to our country. Their goal is to provide professionally trained service dogs as well as veterinarian care and food for the dog in most circumstances. Each of the dogs will be trained to do normal commands as well as how to turn light switches off and on, open doors, bracing, retrieval, pulling, and other commands that can help the special needs of each of the veterans.

You can visit their website for more information or follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!

Dogs for Our Brave's Mission

How Can You Help?

This year you can help with a very special Veterans Day challenge that was started in conjunction with Veterans Day and Giving Tuesday which are both in November. I have accepted the challenge to raise $10,000 starting today, November 11th, 2017 and going until November 28th, 2017.

You can make a tax-deductible donation to Dogs For Our Brave and if the Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life community can raise the $10,000, we will be given naming rights for an up-and-coming service dog.

Dogs For Our Brave

In the end, this kind of program can truly help those who have served our country by providing them with a service/companion dog to help them in their daily lives. I have known quite a few soldiers who have benefited from having a dog such as this right by their side. It not only helps them but their families as they work towards moving forward after their injury.

Want to help? Head on over to my campaign page and make a donation. Every little bit can help, thanks! 

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn’t Come Home Every Night

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Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every Night

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn’t Come Home Every Night

When my son was a baby, I was a stay at home mom with a civilian husband. He came home at the same time every night. He didn’t go on business trips, he didn’t go away on trainings, he never deployed.

All that changed when he joined the Army in November of 2005. Since he had been in the military before, he didn’t have to redo basic and went right off to Germany. My life changed entirely when that happened.

When I got over to Germany 4.5 months later, I got pregnant with my second little boy, and my husband deployed when I was 25 weeks along. Over the next few years, he would be gone more than he was home and I tried to make the best of this type of life.

As a stay at home mom, I couldn’t wait until he came home every night. Some days were very long, especially when it was just a baby and me. However, when he joined the military and then when he was deployed no one was coming home every night. It was just my kids and me for days, weeks, and months in a row.

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every Night

How does one get through this? What is the best thing to when you are a stay at home mom whose spouse doesn’t come home every night?

Go somewhere every day

As a stay at home mom, it is a good idea to go somewhere every day. As a stay at home with a spouse who isn’t home, it is even more important. You want to get out of the house, even if it is just for an hour or two. If you truly have nowhere to go, take a walk, go to a playground, and do something. Getting out will help break up the day and help wear out your kids.

Early bedtimes

Early bedtimes are your friend. If you can get your kids to bed early, you will have a much easier night. Not only will this give you time to yourself but it makes the whole evening pass a lot quicker. Make dinner, feed them, get them ready for bed, and you have finished another day.

Get your me time in, it’s important

Your me time during a deployment is very important. It doesn’t matter how you spend that time. Some people like to watch tv, others read or work on another hobby. Enjoy the quiet hours when your kids are sleeping, and you truly have time to yourself.

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every NightInvite friends over

When I was in Kentucky, and my husband was in Germany, I made friends with another mom whose husband worked very late on Tuesday nights. She would invite us all over that night so we could hang out and have dinner together. This was an excellent way to get through the nights alone. The kids can play, the moms can talk. It was perfect.

Talk to your friends

During one deployment, a friend and I always got online to chat after our kids went to bed. Sure, we were also waiting for our husbands to get online too, but if they never did, we still had someone to talk to. It helps to have a friend to vent to, talk about your day with, and be there for. Even if they don’t live near you. Modern technology makes that possible.

Being both mom and dad to your kids can be quite challenging. You don’t have someone to take over for you after a long day, you don’t have another adult in the house to talk with at night, and you have to keep going even when you don’t want to. But hopefully, these tips can help!

Remember, deployments don’t last forever, and your spouse will eventually return and your solo parenting days will be over, at least for a while.

What are your best tips for surviving as a stay at home mom when your spouse is deployed? 

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

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Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

“Well, I don’t have to redo Basic, and I leave for Germany in two weeks” was what my husband said to me when I picked him up from MEPS in November of 2005. I was pretty speechless. I knew that Europe was a possibility but to hear him say this was happening was a bit of shock.

I was pretty excited about this though. For one thing, my best friend was living in Austria and my mom had been able to live in Germany as a DOD teacher when she was my age. Plus, it’s GERMANY! Who wouldn’t want to experience that?

We ended up joining my husband in Germany in March of 2006 and spent four years stationed there. Being overseas wasn’t always easy. There were plenty of times, especially in the last two years, when I just want to move back home. But I am so glad I got to go and experience living in another country.

You see, when your spouse gets orders for an OCONUS location; you pretty much hit the jackpot. 

You and your family will get to experience life in a different country, one your friends back home will be envious of. Still, time after time I hear from spouses who don’t want to go for various reasons.

While I don’t know everyone’s specific story and situation, in most cases, if your spouse gets orders to go overseas, get excited and go with them. You will be glad you did. This is why:

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

Travel opportunities

It goes without saying that if you live overseas, you will have some amazing travel opportunities. I feel like we did not see as much as we could have and at the end, my kids were able to go to 11 countries before they even started kindergarten. They have seen the pyramids and the Roman Colosseum. They have experienced the German train system and had photos of them with the Alps in the background. I could go on and on about the experiences we had while stationed in Germany.

Life in another country

I wish all Americans could experience living in another country. There is so much you can learn about the other ways people live. There is so much to learn about humanity this way. America is a fantastic country, but there are plenty of other amazing places out there too. Living overseas will give you the chance to learn about other people in a way you simply can’t without being there in person.

Growing as a person

Being overseas will grow you as a person. It will push you out of your comfort zone. You will have to try things you never thought you would. I know my four years overseas has made me the person I am today.

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS OrdersBecause you might not get another chance

When we first went over to Germany in 2006, there were a lot more places we could be stationed over there than there is today. A lot of military installations have closed like Schweinfurt, where we were for the first two years and where my 10-year-old son was born. Some military families don’t ever get the option to go overseas. You never know what the future holds and you might not ever get the same opportunity to go overseas in the future.

The close military community experience

There is something about the military community overseas that is different from the military community stateside. When you go overseas, you can meet others who are trying to figure out their way around a new country just like you are. You spend holidays together because no one is going home, it’s too expensive. You connect in ways that it is harder to do when stationed in the US. Take advantage of this and enjoy all that the overseas community has to offer.

Have you ever been stationed overseas? Where at?

How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

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How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

When my husband deployed for the first time my oldest son was 23 months old and I was 25 weeks pregnant. I was a new mom with some parenting experience under my belt. I was still learning a lot, and we were slowly leaving the baby stage. And just like that, it was just my son and me.

A few months later our 2nd little boy was born. My husband came home for R&R and met him when he was three days old. He left again when he was almost three weeks and didn’t come home again for 11 months.

During all this time I was a solo parent. My husband was overseas, fighting in a war and I was in charge of two little boys. I was still growing and learning as a parent, but I didn’t get the chance to do that with my husband. I did this by myself, and that changed so much about the way I would parent in the years to come.

How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

We have been through other deployments since but there is just something about that deployment that sticks out to me. Something about that deployment changed me into the person I am today, into the parent I am today. That deployment was about survival for me, getting through each and every day.

Every day I had to make sure everyone was fed, clothed and got enough sleep. Once bedtime came, I felt like I had accomplished something big. I always feel that way during a deployment but especially during that first one.

That long deployment taught me a few things about parenting that stick with me to this day.

Long Deployment

You Have To Let Things Go

There are so many parenting choices out there. From breastfeeding vs. formula, to how you give birth and how you discipline. What I learned during deployments was that the little debates we have don’t matter. You have to do what is right for you.

I can’t beat myself up if a parenting choice isn’t going to work for us anymore. As long as my children are being taken care of and being raised in a loving home, nothing else really matters. I couldn’t do everything, and I was only one person.

Don’t Judge Other Parents

We all have our circumstances and different experiences which shape us into who we are. We all have reasons for why we do the things we do as a parent. We might not totally understand why other parents do things the way they do, but as long as they are not abusing or hurting their child, we shouldn’t be judging them about their own parenting journeys. Most parents are trying to do what is best and we should respect that.

Things Would Be Different If My Husband Never Had To Go Away

I think things would be very different for me if my husband never had to go away, especially for over a year when my kids were so small. I would have an extra person to bounce ideas off of. Potty training with my oldest wouldn’t have taken so long. I probably would have been able to breastfeed for a little longer, and life would be a little calmer during those years.

But my husband is in the Army, so he does have to go away for periods of time. I have to work with this and do the best I can. I can’t spend too much energy beating myself up for the choices I have made during deployments. There are other lives we could be living, but those lives are not where we are. 

long deployment

My parenting is always evolving. Based on the kids and our experiences. Based on when my husband is home and when he isn’t. Things are always changing, and I am always surprised by each stage. I never truly know how our family will handle them or how much my husband would be a part of that stage of our lives.

As I look ahead at another possible deployment and the ages my kids will be, I know that deployment will be very different from the one we went through back in 2006 and 2007. We will have different challenges and even if I don’t want to, I might have to handle some of those alone.

I could easily look back over the years and call myself a bad parent. My kids watched too much tv and have probably had too much pizza. They don’t always get to do all the things they could do if we had always had two parents in the home. That is our life, and as they get older, I can see more and more that they will look back on their childhoods with good and happy memories.

The 15-month deployment we went through set me up for my years of parenting, for good or for bad. Going through that has made me the mom and the person I am today. For good and for bad. I want to embrace that instead of crying over what else could have been.

How has parenting changed for you because of deployments?

Join my email list and receive a free Guide for your first 30 days of deployment! 

25 Tips For The Brand New Military Spouse

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The brand new military spouse

25 Tips For The Brand New Military Spouse

Your husband of two years just left for basic training.

Your boyfriend is on his way to Ft. Benning, fulfilling his dream.

You are getting married, and then a week later, you and your new husband are moving to Ft. Bliss in Texas, a state you never even thought about visiting let alone moving to.

Welcome to the military, as a new spouse, you are for sure feeling overwhelmed. Your life has just done a 180, and you are a bit lost.

When my husband joined, and we were at our first duty station in Germany, I remember standing there watching a group of soldiers march by. Was this my life now? What did I get myself into? There was so much I didn’t understand.

So if you are brand new to this life, here are 25 tips to help you start your military spouse journey:

1. Learn about TRICARE

Learn what you can about TRICARE. Spend some time on their website. There is a lot to learn, and things can change quickly. But knowing where to go to find that information is necessary.

2. Bloom where you are planted

Remember that no matter where you get stationed, you can bloom where you are planted. You can make the best of a horrible duty station, no matter how bad the negative reviews are. Make sure you are working towards enjoying where you live, every day.

new military spouse

3. Deployments happen

Deployments will happen, and not always at the best time. You can’t plan for them, and they can be disappointing, but they are a big part of military life. Luckily there is a lot of deployment support out there.

4. Not everyone is trustworthy

Sadly, not everyone you meet is going to be trustworthy. Keep this in mind but also know that there are plenty of amazing military spouses out there too.

5. Try your FRG, at least once

Give it a try, just once. What would that hurt? If you hate it, don’t go back. But if you go, there is always the chance that you ended up in a good FRG and being a part of that will help you in your military spouse life.

6. Explore the Commissary

When you first get to your duty station, explore the Commissary. Figure out how long it takes you to get there and do your own price matching so that you can see if shopping there will save you money. In some places it does, in others, it doesn’t. And try not to go on payday, trust me on that one.

7. Befriend your neighbors

Say hi to your neighbors and befriend them, at least with a smile. Getting along with your neighbors will make for a better experience, whether you are on post or off.

8. Remember OPSEC

OPSEC is so important. Learn what it means and lean on the side of not sharing that info if you are not sure.

9. Practice PERSEC

PERSEC is more individual. Talk that over with your spouse, so you are on the same page. If he doesn’t want his photo on Facebook, don’t share it.

10. Don’t overshare

There is no need to overshare details on social media. Stay as vague as you can. You can still get your point across without sharing such personal details.

11. Respect your marriage

Always respect your marriage, whether they are home or overseas. Respect your spouse online. They are going to piss you off; you don’t always have to share when they do.

12. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there

Putting yourself out there can be difficult, especially if you are more on the introverted side but doing so can be worth it.

new military spouse

13. Help others when you can

If you see someone you can help, do so. If you can’t personally help in their situation, you could direct them to someone or a resource who can.

14. Say no to things

You don’t have to say yes to everything. When you get involved in your community, there will be a lot of things you could say yes to. Don’t burn yourself out and know that sometimes, it is okay to say no.

15. Buy a journal

Buy a cute journal and when you are stressed, write in it. When you are missing your spouse, write in it. Not only will that help you in the moment but reading back in the future can help you too.

16. Find the deployment tips that work for you

There are so many deployment tips out there. Not all of them will work for you. Figure out which ones work for you and your family.

17. Don’t be overwhelmed by the acronyms

There are so many acronyms in the military world. There is no way to learn them all. The good news is that they are pretty easy to figure out if you look them up online.

18. Live on post at least once

Give living on post/base a try. If you are new, doing so can be a good way to get to know military life. If you don’t like it, live off in the future.

19. Don’t overspend when you get extra money

There will be times when your spouse gets extra pay. Don’t overspend when they do. You will kick yourself later.

20. Have a plan for deployment pay

Before your spouse goes anywhere, have a plan for any extra deployment pay and be on the same page about what you will do with the money.

21. Make plans, but put them in pencil

You can make plans when you are a military spouse, just make sure they are in pencil. They might have to change at a moment’s notice.

22. Join new clubs

If you are feeling lonely and fear you won’t ever make any friends, try something new. Go to MOPS, PWOC or a regular playdate with your kids. Get out of the house and meet new people.

new military spouse

23. Cry if you need to

If you need to cry, do so. Some people cry more than others; it’s just the way they handle stress. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you not to cry.

24. Don’t let someone else’s bad experience become yours

We all have our own experiences, especially about duty stations. Don’t let someone else’s bad experience ruin things for you. Keep what they said in mind but don’t automatically assume you will have that same bad experience that you have.

25. Find extra help if you need it

If you need extra help, don’t be afraid to find it. This could mean hiring a babysitter on a regular basis or setting up time with a counselor. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you are feeling lost or not sure how you will make it through.

What are your best tips for the brand new military spouse???

Thank You For Your Service

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Thank You For Your Service

This post contains affiliate links!

Thank You For Your Service

In August of 2006, my husband deployed with his Unit out of Schweinfurt, Germany to Iraq. In January of 2007, President George W. Bush increased the number of American troops to provide security to Baghdad and Al Anbar Province. He extended the tour of most of the Army troops and some of the Marines.

In April of 2007, we got the news that our husbands would not be home in June, but that they would be a part of this surge. My husband returned in November of 2007 after a 15-month deployment.

On October 27th of this year, the movie Thank You For Your Service will be coming out starting Miles Teller, Haley Bennett, and Amy Schumer. The movie, which is directed by Jason Hall, is based on the book by David Finkel, Thank You For Your Service. 

Finkel was embedded with the men of the 2-16 Infantry Battalion during the surge in Iraq where he wrote his best-selling book, The Good Soldiers. Thank You For Your Service is about these same men when they returned home after their 15-month deployment.

The movie is the story of soldiers returning from war, dealing with the aftermath and trying to move forward. Miles Teller plays SGT Adam Schumann, a soldier who leaves Iraq as a broken man and Haley Bennett plays Saskia Schumann, Schumann’s wife.

From the previews I have seen, this movie looks to be very good, yet will be hard for a lot of us to watch. Even as I type this, I am getting emotional thinking about that deployment and everything the men and the spouses went through and are still going through, 10 years later.

I think this is an important story for all Americans to hear about. To know what those who have served have been through and what really can happen after the homecoming. That not everyone returns from a war the same and that there is so much that has to be worked through, especially after such a long deployment.

And for those of us that can identify with this on a personal level, I hope we can talk to others about what we have been through, and find support through one another.

Thank You For Your Service will be in theaters October 27th. 

 

The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

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The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

I have noticed something, and it makes me sad. Military spouses who have no desire to be involved in the military community because they think everyone is awful. They don’t want to try to be friends with other military spouses because they believe all military spouses are the same and that they don’t want to be involved in their drama.

I just have to say, that in the 12 years I have been a military spouse, this has not been my experience. 

Military Community

Are there terrible military spouses out there? Yes, of course. Just like there are terrible civilian spouses out there. Terrible people are everywhere but so are amazing people. And the military community has a lot more of them.

Do military spouses cause drama? Yes, they do, but you know what? There is drama everywhere else too. There is drama in a civilian neighborhood, there is drama in a civilian school, there is drama just about anywhere you find other people. Life has drama.

The Truth About the Military Spouse CommunityWhen you shut yourself off to the military community as a whole, you are shutting yourself off to the ability to meet other people who understand what you are going through. You shut yourself off to the opportunity to meet people who can become family. You shut yourself off to making some amazing memories and getting to know your neighbors and your community.

If you are feeling like no one understands you, if you feel like you are the only military spouse who believes a certain way, I guarantee you are not alone. I guarantee that there are other military spouses out there, in your own military community, that believes the same way that you do.

When you are new to military life, the community can feel a bit overwhelming. There is so much to learn, so many terms, so many traditions. You can feel a little lost.

When you get to your first duty station and don’t know a soul, you can start to feel invisible. The school is asking for an emergency contact, and you don’t know anyone local, let alone anyone you would trust with your children. You see other spouses with their friends, and you want that, but you are not sure how to get it.

The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

You might be a seasoned spouse who is moving for the sixth time in ten years. Things didn’t go so well at your last duty station, so you tell yourself that this time you will stick to the civilian side of things. You will stay far away from the military community. But then your spouse deploys, and you are left alone, wondering how to make it through, wondering how you will do so without any battle buddies.

The truth is, our military communities are filled with people, and people do make mistakes. They are filled with good experiences and bad ones. They are filled with happiness and sadness. They are filled with men and women who all want to live the best life that they can with the people around them.

So whether you are brand new to this life or whether you have been a spouse for a long time, try to reach out and find the good in your military community. The good is there, I promise.

You can see it when one spouse loses her child, and her friends are there to help her through. You see it when one spouse loses her husband, and her battle buddies are right there by her side. You see it when a mom is having a baby and her community rallies around her and offers support.

The truth is, not everything is going to go smoothly. In a military community, you will find drama, you will find people who ignore you, you will find people who won’t understand you. But they do not make up all of the community. They should not ruin things for you so that you swear off military spouses for good.

The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be guarded or careful. Opening your heart to everyone you meet isn’t always the best plan. But you can go into your community with hope. You can work hard to be the type of friend you are looking for. You can work hard to make the military community a better place.

What do you love about your own military community?

 

Operation Rocker With Cracker Barrel and Operation Homefront

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Cracker Barrel

This is a sponsored post with Cracker Barrel!

Every time we go to we always take some time to sit in the rocking chairs out front. They are perfect for your porch, to sit and enjoy the evening or to have a cup of coffee before work. I am working together with Cracker Barrel on this post and they sent me one of their rocking chairs to put together, decorate, and gift to someone special. When they did, I knew who I wanted to give this rocker to.

My husband, who is in the National Guard, first joined the Army back in 1996. Although he did take a break, I joke it was in order to meet me, he has served a total of about 13 years, both active duty, and with the National Guard. He spends his weeks working hard at his civilian job and then when it is time for drill, puts on his uniform, and goes and serves his country. And his birthday is coming up.

I knew that my husband would love a rocking chair for his birthday. We have a front porch at our home here in Tennessee and I knew a rocking chair would be perfect for him to sit in after work or on a Saturday morning, especially since it has finally started cooling off here.

Operation Rocker With Cracker Barrel and Operation Homefront

When he is not working, he likes to relax and I knew the rocking chair would allow him to do so more than the chairs we already had out there. My six-year-old son and I took some time to decorate the chair for him too. He loves this type of thing and knowing he was making it for his Dad made working on it even better.

Operation Rocker With Cracker Barrel and Operation Homefront

My helper 🙂

We decided to go with a red, white, and blue patriotic theme for the chair. We used several different types of ribbon and a red, white and blue star decoration.

Cracker Barrel

provides a good meal for your whole family. They have a home-away-from home feel and whenever someone visits us from out-of-town, we like to take them there. The restaurant was established in 1969 in Lebanon, TN and there are 644 stores in 44 states today. Not only do they have good food, their breakfasts are my favorite, but they have an amazing country store you have to spend time in when you go.

Operation Rocker

The Operation Rocker campaign with Cracker Barrel and Operation Homefront is a way for the community to give back to the military and the veterans who have served their country. Cracker Barrel will donate a rocking chair to Operation Homefront for every adult rocker that is purchased on Cracker Barrel’s website until Labor Day (9/4/17.)

In addition to donating the rockers, Cracker Barrel also donated 10% of proceeds from all in-store adult rocker sales to Operation Homefront during the weekend of June 30th-July 4, 2017.

Operation Homefront

Operation Homefront offers relief, resiliency, and recurring support to military families across the nation. After starting shortly after 9/11, they have served tens of thousands of military families across the country. I know we have benefited from them in the past too.

Operation Rocker is one way to help so they can continue to help military families. The program Homes on the Homefront, which Operation Rocker supports, has also awarded nearly 600 mortgage-free homes as well as providing over $48 million in deeded value to veterans and their families. Other programs include the Fisher House, United Through Reading, The Legion Fund and more.

Last year, over 700 rockers were purchased during this program. Cracker Barrel and the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store Foundation together contributed over $430,000 to Operation Homefront through both monetary and in-kind donations. To kick off this year, they awarded a $50,000 grant to Operation Homefront.

Head on over to the and buy a rocker for you or that special person in your life. Doing so is a way to give back to veterans and you can enjoy the benefits of having a rocker on your porch too.