Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

What Military Spouses Want For Christmas

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What Military Spouses Want For Christmas

What Military Spouses Want For Christmas

Sometimes the holidays are a bit difficult for the military spouse. You could be going through a deployment, you could be getting ready to PCS, or you could be in a state of not knowing what is going to happen in the new year and it is driving you crazy. The holidays are a crazy time of year and military stress just adds to everything else you are trying to get done.

But what would make things better? What would help the military spouse, over the holidays and into the new year to come…?

Good friends

Good friends are a must! You can be there for one another, through the good and the bad days. You can have fun and make memories together. Having a tribe is one of the best parts of military life and will help you through any situation you might find yourself in.

What Military Spouses Want For Christmas

Enough wine

You can replace wine with coffee or your favorite type of drink. Just something to have on hand to get through. Not to overindulge, but to relax, or just to kick back with friends. We, military spouses, need to relax sometimes, even if it seems like we don’t have a lot of time to do so.

Extra patience

Military life is about waiting, and more waiting. Any extra bit of patience we can get would be helpful. Patience to wait until the end of a deployment, patience to wait on orders, patience to feel at home at a new duty station, the list goes on and one.

The strength to endure

While living this life, there will be many times when you need to find extra strength to endure. To get through the more difficult periods. To stay strong and thrive vs. just survive. As a military spouse, we are always looking for ways to make things a bit easier, and tips to help us through.

What Military Spouses Want For Christmas

Hope for the future

Being hopeful about the future will go a long way in whatever happens in the new year. Not all of military life is hard and difficult. Some of military life is pretty amazing. From the friends that you meet along the way, to the things you have been able to see and experience because your spouse serves in the military. Having hope that the good will come will help you get through the not so nice parts of this life.

A homecoming date

At the end of the day, we all want that homecoming date. We want to hear that it is too late to send another package, that things will be starting to be sent home, and that we should be picking out homecoming outfits and making signs. We want to know the end of the deployment is near and that our service member will be coming home.

While we might not be able to get all of these things for Christmas, we can do what we can to help with some of them. We can get out there and meet new people, we can work on staying patience in times when it is hard to do so, and we can find tips to help us though, whatever we are dealing with.

What would you add to this list???

6 Tips for a Simpler Holiday Season When Your Spouse is Away

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6 Tips for a Simpler Holiday Season When Your Spouse is Away

6 Tips for a Simpler Holiday Season When Your Spouse is Away

Tis the season to be busy, really busy. And while busy is good when your spouse is away, you don’t want to overdo things. I know for myself, I hate that overwhelmed feeling that comes from being too busy. Stepping back a little and changing things up can help you have a better holiday season without your spouse by your side.

Here are six tips for a simpler holiday season when your spouse is away:

1. Do what is important to your kids and family

It can be easy to feel like you need to do what everyone else is doing for the holidays, but you don’t. Do what works for you and your family and what you can handle. Do not feel guilty about the rest of it.

6 Tips for a Simpler Holiday Season When Your Spouse is Away

2. Don’t feel like you have to travel

If the thought of taking you and your three kids across the country for the holidays is too overwhelming, don’t feel like you have to do so. Ask people to come to you or have a smaller Christmas in your own home. Traveling during the holidays can be hectic anyway so don’t feel guilty if you don’t feel like you are up for the challenge this year. You can always plan a trip for sometime after your spouse gets home.

3. Cook what you will eat

Did your mom always make a green bean casserole and although you never like it very much, you feel the need to make it for your own holiday meal? Well, don’t. Only make what you and your kids will eat. If you are having people over, find out what their favorite foods are. Don’t just make something because you always have. Cut down your grocery list and stick to what you love.

6 Tips for a Simpler Holiday Season When Your Spouse is Away

4. Go out to eat

If you feel like you don’t even want to cook for the holidays, go out to eat instead. We have even had meals at the DEFAC. Not the best food but hey, we didn’t have to cook. You can also order meals from places like Cracker Barral and Kroger.

5. Start shopping ahead of time

Start your Christmas shopping ahead of time and don’t forget about shipping dates overseas. If you and your spouse agree, why not postpone some of the holidays until when they get back? You could send a fun holiday package and then open bigger gifts together later. Look for sales and don’t forget about Black Friday.

6. Have your kids help

If your kids are old enough, have them help. Ask them to put the ornaments on the tree, help with other decorations, or even with shopping for extended family members. Your kids can step in a little bit, so not everything falls on you.

While going through the holidays without your spouse is frustrating, making the holidays a bit simpler can help. In the end, make fun plans for you and your kids and don’t stress about the small stuff. You can still have an enjoyable holiday, even if your spouse is overseas or across the country because of the military.

Life As A Military Spouse In 17 Memes

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Life As A Military Spouse In 17 MemesLife As a Military Spouse In 17 Memes

Life as a military spouse can be quite the journey. Through deployments, pcsing places you want and don’t want to go, and finding lifelong friends you couldn’t live without. Here is your life as a military spouse in 17 memes.

Life As A Military Spouse

So true. Sometimes military life sucks, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like being a part of the military community. Make the best of what you have, work hard to get through the difficult days, and make friends with other spouses to help you through.

 

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes! That time apart, it will make you stronger, which is a good thing.
While deployments are difficult, you can change for the better as you go through them.

Life As A Military Spouse

Deployment and its phases. Make your way through them until you get to #5, homecoming day.

Journals are the best. Journaling during a deployment can be quite therapeutic.

Life As A Military Spouse

If you hate where you live, try something new.
Changing things around might just help get you into a better place emotionally!

Life As A Military Spouse

Will we ever get rid of all of those things? Probably not.

Life As A Military Spouse

So true. Use that time to figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are during time apart. Then you will be better equipped when they do deploy.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes! Military spouses do need to be aware of money, how to pay bills, and all of that. It is so important.

Life As A Military Spouse

Oh, the 4-day weekend. Those are the best!

Life As A Military Spouse

A handwritten letter is fantastic! Whether you are the one writing one or receiving one.

Life As A Military Spouse

Make sure to always be working on your marriage, even when they are gone.

You can use this for anything. Do what you can, then try to stop worrying about it.
Tomorrow could be a much better day.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes! We are all of those things, or at least we try to be.

Life As A Military Spouse

Oh that Commissary on payday! Stay away, stay far away.

Life As A Military Spouse

We military spouses, we do what we have to do. Even if we didn’t think we could.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yes, it is. Use your PCS to discover something new about yourself, and create new memories in your new home.

Life As A Military Spouse

Yep, exactly. Sometimes the water will be calm, sometimes you will have to battle the waves.

Being a military spouse isn’t always easy. This life is complicated. But we spouses do what we have to do to get through. And from everything, we become stronger and can grow as a person.

How long have you been a military spouse?

When The Deployment Orders Come

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When The Deployment Orders Come

I remember the day so clearly, even though it has been over 11 years. Hearing the news that my husband was, in fact, going to deploy. That the deployment orders had been cut and that he would be leaving in about a month. His first combat deployment. My first deployment as his spouse.

After months of the back and forth, the rumors of when and if they were going to go, of wondering what the future would bring, deployment orders were finally cut.

Now, as a military spouse, I had to figure out how I was going to deal with all of this. How was I going to make it through? I had a toddler, I was pregnant, and I was pretty far from home. I had to get through this one way or another, even if I wasn’t sure how I was going to do so at that moment.

When The Deployment Orders Come

When deployment orders come, the first reaction is to have a major freak out. You might cry, you might get angry, you might feel like you have lost everything.

Then, you start asking questions. How long will they be gone? Where will they be going? Will we get to talk to one another? How often?

You start to figure out how you are going to get through all of this. Should you go home for the deployment? Should you stay? What about the kids? Is this the right time to start preschool?

You get sad because you start to think about what they will miss when they are gone. Your 30th birthday, your son’s first day of kindergarten, the birth of your 3rd child. You wonder how you will document all those events enough to make them feel like they are there, knowing nothing you can do will replace them being there in person.

When The Deployment Orders Come

You think about your friends, you figure out how to find new ones, and maybe just maybe you decide to give your FRG a try. Afterall, these other spouses will be going through the same thing as you; you have to find a friend among them, right?

You want to tell everyone he is leaving, but you know you can’t. And even if you could you are not sure you are ready for all the questions and worried comments from others. You want their support; you don’t want their pity.

A few days go by, and you realize that you can, in fact, make it through this big hurdle called deployment.

Others have done so; maybe you have even done so in the past. You start making deployment bucket lists, you start setting things up, you start figuring out what you need to get through.

When The Deployment Orders Come

You watch as your spouse starts to buy things for the deployment. You watch as they pack their bags, trying to hold back a tear. You take family photos, go on one last-minute trip, and try to think positively about them leaving.

And then the day before they deploy is here. You can’t believe this is happening. Deployments get canceled, right? You wonder if that would ever happen to you.

You have one last dinner, one last bedtime, one last night together.

You wake up, the day they deploy, knowing they have to go. Knowing this is real. Feeling numb throughout the whole thing. And then, you drop them off, you say goodbye, and the countdown begins.

So many military spouses have gone through all of this before. As soon as those deployment orders come, you start to figure out what is next and how you will get through. The good news is that you can find support, you are not the only military spouse going through a deployment, and that you will figure out how to make it through, even if it is just one day at a time.

What has helped the most after you found our your spouse received orders to deploy? What is your best deployment tip?

When The Deployment Orders Come

Give Back This Holiday Season With Dogs For Our Brave

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Dogs for Our Brave's Mission

This is a sponsored post by Dogs For Our Brave

Give Back This Holiday Season With Dogs For Our Brave

I love dogs. I wasn’t raised with them but we got our first dog in 2014 and she has added so much to our family. Dogs can be the perfect family pet but beyond that, they can also be trained to help others in need. One example of this is service and companion dogs for injured service members. One organization that is helping bring these dogs to those who need them is Dogs for Our Brave.

Dogs for Our Brave's Mission

Dogs for Our Brave’s Mission

The mission of Dogs for Our Brave is to provide service/campaign dogs at no cost to injured service members while service to our country. Their goal is to provide professionally trained service dogs as well as veterinarian care and food for the dog in most circumstances. Each of the dogs will be trained to do normal commands as well as how to turn light switches off and on, open doors, bracing, retrieval, pulling, and other commands that can help the special needs of each of the veterans.

You can visit their website for more information or follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!

Dogs for Our Brave's Mission

How Can You Help?

This year you can help with a very special Veterans Day challenge that was started in conjunction with Veterans Day and Giving Tuesday which are both in November. I have accepted the challenge to raise $10,000 starting today, November 11th, 2017 and going until November 28th, 2017.

You can make a tax-deductible donation to Dogs For Our Brave and if the Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life community can raise the $10,000, we will be given naming rights for an up-and-coming service dog.

Dogs For Our Brave

In the end, this kind of program can truly help those who have served our country by providing them with a service/companion dog to help them in their daily lives. I have known quite a few soldiers who have benefited from having a dog such as this right by their side. It not only helps them but their families as they work towards moving forward after their injury.

Want to help? Head on over to my campaign page and make a donation. Every little bit can help, thanks! 

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn’t Come Home Every Night

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Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every Night

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn’t Come Home Every Night

When my son was a baby, I was a stay at home mom with a civilian husband. He came home at the same time every night. He didn’t go on business trips, he didn’t go away on trainings, he never deployed.

All that changed when he joined the Army in November of 2005. Since he had been in the military before, he didn’t have to redo basic and went right off to Germany. My life changed entirely when that happened.

When I got over to Germany 4.5 months later, I got pregnant with my second little boy, and my husband deployed when I was 25 weeks along. Over the next few years, he would be gone more than he was home and I tried to make the best of this type of life.

As a stay at home mom, I couldn’t wait until he came home every night. Some days were very long, especially when it was just a baby and me. However, when he joined the military and then when he was deployed no one was coming home every night. It was just my kids and me for days, weeks, and months in a row.

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every Night

How does one get through this? What is the best thing to when you are a stay at home mom whose spouse doesn’t come home every night?

Go somewhere every day

As a stay at home mom, it is a good idea to go somewhere every day. As a stay at home with a spouse who isn’t home, it is even more important. You want to get out of the house, even if it is just for an hour or two. If you truly have nowhere to go, take a walk, go to a playground, and do something. Getting out will help break up the day and help wear out your kids.

Early bedtimes

Early bedtimes are your friend. If you can get your kids to bed early, you will have a much easier night. Not only will this give you time to yourself but it makes the whole evening pass a lot quicker. Make dinner, feed them, get them ready for bed, and you have finished another day.

Get your me time in, it’s important

Your me time during a deployment is very important. It doesn’t matter how you spend that time. Some people like to watch tv, others read or work on another hobby. Enjoy the quiet hours when your kids are sleeping, and you truly have time to yourself.

Tips For The Stay At Home Mom, Whose Spouse Doesn't Come Home Every NightInvite friends over

When I was in Kentucky, and my husband was in Germany, I made friends with another mom whose husband worked very late on Tuesday nights. She would invite us all over that night so we could hang out and have dinner together. This was an excellent way to get through the nights alone. The kids can play, the moms can talk. It was perfect.

Talk to your friends

During one deployment, a friend and I always got online to chat after our kids went to bed. Sure, we were also waiting for our husbands to get online too, but if they never did, we still had someone to talk to. It helps to have a friend to vent to, talk about your day with, and be there for. Even if they don’t live near you. Modern technology makes that possible.

Being both mom and dad to your kids can be quite challenging. You don’t have someone to take over for you after a long day, you don’t have another adult in the house to talk with at night, and you have to keep going even when you don’t want to. But hopefully, these tips can help!

Remember, deployments don’t last forever, and your spouse will eventually return and your solo parenting days will be over, at least for a while.

What are your best tips for surviving as a stay at home mom when your spouse is deployed? 

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

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Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

“Well, I don’t have to redo Basic, and I leave for Germany in two weeks” was what my husband said to me when I picked him up from MEPS in November of 2005. I was pretty speechless. I knew that Europe was a possibility but to hear him say this was happening was a bit of shock.

I was pretty excited about this though. For one thing, my best friend was living in Austria and my mom had been able to live in Germany as a DOD teacher when she was my age. Plus, it’s GERMANY! Who wouldn’t want to experience that?

We ended up joining my husband in Germany in March of 2006 and spent four years stationed there. Being overseas wasn’t always easy. There were plenty of times, especially in the last two years, when I just want to move back home. But I am so glad I got to go and experience living in another country.

You see, when your spouse gets orders for an OCONUS location; you pretty much hit the jackpot. 

You and your family will get to experience life in a different country, one your friends back home will be envious of. Still, time after time I hear from spouses who don’t want to go for various reasons.

While I don’t know everyone’s specific story and situation, in most cases, if your spouse gets orders to go overseas, get excited and go with them. You will be glad you did. This is why:

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS Orders

Travel opportunities

It goes without saying that if you live overseas, you will have some amazing travel opportunities. I feel like we did not see as much as we could have and at the end, my kids were able to go to 11 countries before they even started kindergarten. They have seen the pyramids and the Roman Colosseum. They have experienced the German train system and had photos of them with the Alps in the background. I could go on and on about the experiences we had while stationed in Germany.

Life in another country

I wish all Americans could experience living in another country. There is so much you can learn about the other ways people live. There is so much to learn about humanity this way. America is a fantastic country, but there are plenty of other amazing places out there too. Living overseas will give you the chance to learn about other people in a way you simply can’t without being there in person.

Growing as a person

Being overseas will grow you as a person. It will push you out of your comfort zone. You will have to try things you never thought you would. I know my four years overseas has made me the person I am today.

Why You Simply Must Go Overseas When Your Spouse Gets OCONUS OrdersBecause you might not get another chance

When we first went over to Germany in 2006, there were a lot more places we could be stationed over there than there is today. A lot of military installations have closed like Schweinfurt, where we were for the first two years and where my 10-year-old son was born. Some military families don’t ever get the option to go overseas. You never know what the future holds and you might not ever get the same opportunity to go overseas in the future.

The close military community experience

There is something about the military community overseas that is different from the military community stateside. When you go overseas, you can meet others who are trying to figure out their way around a new country just like you are. You spend holidays together because no one is going home, it’s too expensive. You connect in ways that it is harder to do when stationed in the US. Take advantage of this and enjoy all that the overseas community has to offer.

Have you ever been stationed overseas? Where at?

How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

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How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

When my husband deployed for the first time my oldest son was 23 months old and I was 25 weeks pregnant. I was a new mom with some parenting experience under my belt. I was still learning a lot, and we were slowly leaving the baby stage. And just like that, it was just my son and me.

A few months later our 2nd little boy was born. My husband came home for R&R and met him when he was three days old. He left again when he was almost three weeks and didn’t come home again for 11 months.

During all this time I was a solo parent. My husband was overseas, fighting in a war and I was in charge of two little boys. I was still growing and learning as a parent, but I didn’t get the chance to do that with my husband. I did this by myself, and that changed so much about the way I would parent in the years to come.

How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting

We have been through other deployments since but there is just something about that deployment that sticks out to me. Something about that deployment changed me into the person I am today, into the parent I am today. That deployment was about survival for me, getting through each and every day.

Every day I had to make sure everyone was fed, clothed and got enough sleep. Once bedtime came, I felt like I had accomplished something big. I always feel that way during a deployment but especially during that first one.

That long deployment taught me a few things about parenting that stick with me to this day.

Long Deployment

You Have To Let Things Go

There are so many parenting choices out there. From breastfeeding vs. formula, to how you give birth and how you discipline. What I learned during deployments was that the little debates we have don’t matter. You have to do what is right for you.

I can’t beat myself up if a parenting choice isn’t going to work for us anymore. As long as my children are being taken care of and being raised in a loving home, nothing else really matters. I couldn’t do everything, and I was only one person.

Don’t Judge Other Parents

We all have our circumstances and different experiences which shape us into who we are. We all have reasons for why we do the things we do as a parent. We might not totally understand why other parents do things the way they do, but as long as they are not abusing or hurting their child, we shouldn’t be judging them about their own parenting journeys. Most parents are trying to do what is best and we should respect that.

Things Would Be Different If My Husband Never Had To Go Away

I think things would be very different for me if my husband never had to go away, especially for over a year when my kids were so small. I would have an extra person to bounce ideas off of. Potty training with my oldest wouldn’t have taken so long. I probably would have been able to breastfeed for a little longer, and life would be a little calmer during those years.

But my husband is in the Army, so he does have to go away for periods of time. I have to work with this and do the best I can. I can’t spend too much energy beating myself up for the choices I have made during deployments. There are other lives we could be living, but those lives are not where we are. 

long deployment

My parenting is always evolving. Based on the kids and our experiences. Based on when my husband is home and when he isn’t. Things are always changing, and I am always surprised by each stage. I never truly know how our family will handle them or how much my husband would be a part of that stage of our lives.

As I look ahead at another possible deployment and the ages my kids will be, I know that deployment will be very different from the one we went through back in 2006 and 2007. We will have different challenges and even if I don’t want to, I might have to handle some of those alone.

I could easily look back over the years and call myself a bad parent. My kids watched too much tv and have probably had too much pizza. They don’t always get to do all the things they could do if we had always had two parents in the home. That is our life, and as they get older, I can see more and more that they will look back on their childhoods with good and happy memories.

The 15-month deployment we went through set me up for my years of parenting, for good or for bad. Going through that has made me the mom and the person I am today. For good and for bad. I want to embrace that instead of crying over what else could have been.

How has parenting changed for you because of deployments?

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