Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouses

Five Myths About Military Spouses

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Five Myths About Military Spouses

Here is the thing about Military Spouses, we are not all the same. We come from different backgrounds and different places. We have different likes and dislikes. Some of us are older and some of us are younger. There is not just one type of military spouse. The community is made up of different personalities and different ways of looking at life.

Here are some of the most common myths people have about military spouses.

1) We are all Christians and go to church. There are Military spouses of every religion. I know there seems to be a lot of Christians and there are. I am one of them but there are also a lot of people who are not. I love talking about religion with people. I find it so fascinating. And I like that we are not all the same. We can teach each other things we have learned from our own faith and I find that really valuable, especially in a community with a lot of stressful situations going on. Don’t ever assume that everyone has the same faith that you do.

2) We are all Republicans. A lot of the Military Community lean to the right politically, but we are not all Republicans. We all support the troops but we might see other topics really differently. Some of us are liberal, some of us just don’t have a side. There is a big range of people with all types of different political beliefs that are married to members of the military.

3) We all want to have children. There are so many Military children but not every Military spouse wants to be a mom. Some are waiting until after their husband is out of the Military and others are fine without never having children. There are also many spouses that want children and cannot have them. This can get hard when it comes to planning FRG events as some are really geared towards children and others are not. I have also heard that it can be hard to make friends on a Military post when you don’t have children.

4) We are all SAHMs or SAHWs. There are a lot of SAHMs in the Military world. That does not mean that everyone who is married to someone in the Military wants to be one. Some people have their own careers, others wish they could have a career but are unable to do so because of where they are currently living. It can be quite difficult to keep up your career when you have to move every few years. Some spouses are going to school. Some spouses have a college degree. Some plan to work once their spouse retires.

5) We can get through anything with a smile on our face. We are not always happy. We can’t be. Life gets rough sometimes. We need to vent. We get frustrated and we need to figure out how to get through whatever stressful situation we have to go through. We simply can’t be happy all the time. We can try to be positive but the reality is it isn’t always easy to keep a smile on your face 24/7. This is okay. Do your best to get through whatever challenge you need to get there.

Do you ever feel like you don’t fit into the Military Spouse world?

Why Military Wives Don’t Ask For Help

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Why Military Wives Don’t Ask For Help

“Just let us know if you need anything.”

As a Military spouse, I have heard this phrase from many different people. It is a great thing to hear. When you hear it you now know you have someone to call if you need to. It is so great that people want to help.

But here is the thing…

Why Military Wives Don't Ask For Help

 

Most Military spouses don’t ask for help, even if we could use it.

We want to be able to take care of the home, the kids, the money, the yard and everything that comes up all by ourselves. We will never let that person know if we do need something if we feel we can kinda handle it ourselves. There is just something hard about asking for something specific.

It is hard to say, “Hey, I need someone to mow my lawn because I just can’t seem to do it right.” or “Would you mind watching my kids while I take myself out to dinner? I really need a break.” or “I need someone to fix my fence. It is broken and I can’t afford to pay someone to do it.”

The list can go on and on. We feel like by asking for specific things we are asking too much. Or maybe it is because we don’t really believe the person telling us to ask. We might just assume they are just saying that and don’t really expect us to call.

I will admit. I hate asking for help. I try to do it myself first. I will always try to do it myself first.

When my husband was deployed the last time I had to mow the lawn all summer long. This was hard and every time I did it I would burst into tears when I was done. For some reason, it was very hard for me. At the end of the mowing season, I hired a company to come out and do it because I couldn’t imagine asking anyone.

My friends and neighbors had their own lawn to mow, right? And the last time I had asked someone was when I was going out of town for the summer and they didn’t end up doing it. So I would never ask. I would do it myself or I would hire someone to do it for me. It is just how I am.

There have been a few times when I HAD to ask for help. There was no other option. In those times I was thankful that I had people to ask. It’s a hard thing to do. To admit you do need help and to ask for it.

We want to be brave. We want to be strong. We do not want to be seen as weak.

But what I have been learning the last few months is that some people want to help, they really really do. They don’t know how to help you unless you tell them. I have seen people willing to cut our grass or help with the lawn. To bring us fans when our air went out. To offer a shoulder to cry on when I just didn’t think I could make it another day.

We are brave and we are strong but we are not superhuman and sometimes we do need extra help. We are doing the work of two people. It would be impossible to get everything right all of the time.

Do you struggle with asking for help? Why do you think Military wives struggle with this???

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

We Are Military Spouses

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20110508-IMG_1553My post today is for Blue Star Families. I will be answering the question, “Are Military Spouses today able to suck it up or are do we whine too much and feel we are entitled?”

I think that most Military spouses today are able to suck it up, at least for the most part. I think there is a difference between being whiney and wanting to vent. I also think it isn’t an easy thing to figure out sometimes. It can be difficult to understand your emotions. We don’t always know why we feel the way we do about certain circumstances.

Whenever Sears does their Heroes At Home (which will be tomorrow by the way) you hear the internet go wild with complaining, venting, name calling and it can get down right nasty at times. Someone can get frustrated over not getting the extra money and someone else calls them entitled. Maybe they are being entitled or maybe they are struggling and thought this would be a good thing for their family. It is so hard to judge, especially on the Internet.

I think this lifestyle can be pretty difficult and because of that a lot of venting goes on. Some people have a harder time than others. We all do what we can to support our service member. Or maybe I should say most of us do. We have all heard the stories of the wife who cheated or just gave up and went home. I think venting can cross into whininess pretty quickly. It is a fine line. One which I am sure I cross some times.

I do think we need services such as FRGs, free or reduced childcare, classes and other support systems through a deployment or even during a non-deployment period. I don’t think that makes us weak. I think it makes us smart enough to realize that we do need some help along the way. And I think those in years past who did not have everything we did are happy that we are given the extra support.

 

What do you think?

 

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