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The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

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The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

My husband and I had talked about him re-joining the Military for months before he actually did. It was a hard decision to make and I can remember thinking about how if he did join he would be gone for long periods of time. This would mean that I would be the solo parent in the home to our son and any future children we might have.

That was a hard thing to come to terms with. To think that I would have to be alone with my kids for periods of time. That wasn’t what I had in mind when I married my husband. We were going to have kids, several of them. He was a good father. He would be there for everything.

Being a solo parent is just one of the many ways that Military life is hard. It can really get to you and each day can be a struggle. And as much as there are good things about Military life like homecomings, good friends, taking pride in what your spouse is doing, there are some hard truths about it as well.

Your spouse is going to miss holidays

This one can be hard for some people, especially if you can’t make it home to be with other family members. Deployments and trainings doesn’t usually take off for the holidays, especially the smaller ones. You can’t ever assume that they will be home for Christmas, if they are, you are one of the lucky ones. You will have to make the best of it, celebrate later or figure out creative ways to still celebrate the holidays when they are gone.

You might have to give birth without them

Raise your hand if you had to give birth without your husband. So many of us Military spouses have had to do this. For me it was because they send him home on R&R but he didn’t get home in time. He met his son at our front door when he was three days old. Thank goodness my mom was there. I have had friends that do decide to go home if they know their husband will be gone for the birth. Others are able to Skype with them during the birth. Thank goodness for technology. Although a lot of commands do try to make it so that your spouse will be with you for the birth, it isn’t always possible.

Your friends will always be moving away

Military life includes a lot of moves. That means that people will be coming and going all the time. As a Military spouse you will have to say goodbye to a lot of people, your kids will too. Some of these people will be your best friends and saying goodbye will hurt in the worst way. Other friends might not be as close but you will miss seeing them on a regular basis and will feel their absence. And if your friends aren’t moving any time soon, you might be the one to have to do it. It is hard to always have to say goodbye and then try to make new friends again but we Military spouses do it. We do it all the time.

The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

You will become independent and that will change the dynamic of your marriage

Because of the way Military life works, you will become more independent as a Military spouse. Things will break when they are gone and you will have to figure that out by yourself. You will have to run the household, pay all the bills, make a lot of decisions alone that a lot of couples make together. All of that will make you very independent. This can be a challenge when they are home. You will still want to do it all and sometimes you have to let them do things again. This is something you and your spouse will have to work through in order to get to a good place.

It’s important to understand these hard truths if you are a Military spouse. You want to be prepared for them and it is also nice to know that a lot of other Military spouses experience these challenges too. It can help you not feel so alone if your spouse is in the Military and you are living the Military life.

Leave me a comment and tell me what has been hard for you during your time as a Military spouse? How do you get through those challenges?

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Military Family Appreciation Month And The MetLife Tricare Dental Program

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This post was sponsored by the MetLife TRICARE Dental Program as part of an Ambassador Program for Influence Central!

Military Family Appreciation Month And The MetLife Tricare Dental Program

November is Military Family Appreciation Month!

It’s a great time to think about life as a Military family and everything we have gone through. Ten years ago my husband joined the Military. In 2014 we became a National Guard family. It’s been an interesting road for us. We have experienced so much over the years. First as an active duty family and now as a National Guard one. There are big differences between the two but through both of them we have been apart of the Military world.

We have been through four deployments and each one has been very different for us. From the amount of time he was gone to what he did while he was there to how old my kids were and how they reacted to it. A baby is going to be different then a five-year old with how they deal with the deployment. No matter how old the child is, it is hard to have to comfort them when they miss their Dad. They don’t quite understand why he would have to be gone for so long and I had to remind them that he would be home soon. As an adult I can understand his mission but it is hard to explain that to a child. I often times would tell them that he was off “protecting the United States” and as they got older that was easier for them to understand.

Growing up my Dad was home all the time. I often think about how different it has been for my own boys and that makes me a little sad. I have to remind myself that being married to someone in the Military can be difficult and I am not always going to be happy about it. The best thing for me to do is be there for my boys when they miss my husband and help them understand why he is in the profession he is in.

I also want to make sure that my kids have what they need, including dental care. We signed up for the TRICARE Dental Program (TDP) back when my husband first signed up for the Army. Then in 2014 we signed up as a National Guard family.

There are a lot of great benefits to those who sign up for Metlife’s Tricare Dental Program. You and your children will receive two cleanings and two exams per year and zero cost when you see a network dentist. A long with this you will have two topical fluoride applications that are covered in a consecutive 12-month period and you will also have a $1,300 Dental Program Annual Maximum per enrollee per plan year. You can read more about the benefits by going to the Metlife TDP website.

If you are a Military family, go to the Beneficiary Enrollment website and enroll your family in the program. Those in the National Guard or Reserves can be enrolled themselves too. Your dedicated Military service entitles you to this benefit.

Don’t forget to find Metlife TDP on Facebook and Twitter as well…:)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetLifeTDP
Twitter: https://twitter.com/metlifetdp

Enjoy the rest of Military Family Appreciation month!

Why Military Spouses Can’t Just Put Down Their Smart Phone

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Military spouses and smart phones

Why Military Spouses Can’t Just Put Down Their Smart Phone

If you are on social media at all you know that there are quite a few articles going around about being on our cell phones too much. How we need to put them down, hide them, ignore them. While there is some good advice there, my first thought is usually something like, “Well, try being a Military spouse.”

Between having kids in school, having a husband who is gone a lot and making money online using my phone to do so, I will not be putting my phone down anytime soon. My phone is my lifeline and I really haven’t always had it. I didn’t even get a smart phone until 2011.

There are many reasons why people say we shouldn’t always have a phone in our hands, but Military spouses, NEED to have a phone in their hands.

Why? Because…

Our spouses live in our phone.

When your husband is gone and you only get to talk to them on the phone or over video chat, they live in your phone. That is your relationship. You are not going to be able to walk away from your phone for long. If you do, what happens if they call? You will miss the call. That is a hard thing to deal with. When we were in Germany, I only heard from my husband on the landline. That meant that I could not get his calls when I was out. It would kill me to come home to a message knowing I missed his call. For later deployments I didn’t have to worry about that. It was SO nice to know I wouldn’t miss his call just because we were out doing something. So no, I am not going to put my phone down so I miss his call.

Our friends live in our phone.

Military spouse friends move away. Then they live in our phones, they live on Facebook and that is where our relationship is. I have a handful of friends I will text or message throughout the day. It keeps us connected and makes it seem like they are not quite as far away. When you are having a bad deployment day, it can be helpful to pick up your phone and text a friend or check out their photos on Facebook. It makes you feel better and can keep your mind off of missing your husband.

Our family lives in our phone.

Only a small amount of Military families live close to their own family. Most of us live far enough away that the phone is the way we communicate with them. I will text or message my own family several times during the week. It is a great way to keep in touch and not lose contact with one another. Sometimes my family will Facetime me and it is fun to do that with them.

I hate phone shaming in general.

Yes it is possible to be on your phone too much, to ignore people while you are on it and to get sucked into the online world, but overall, a smart phone adds to your life.

So, Military spouse, don’t feel badly if you always have your phone on you. You need it. You rely on it. It is a tool you are using to make your life a little easier. No one should shame you for it. If they are, they just don’t get it so don’t let them bother you.

 

 

 

 

What To Look For In A Military Spouse Best Friend

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What To Look For In A Military Spouse Best Friend

I have been a Military spouse for just about ten years now. During those ten years, I have made many friends. And a couple of best friends. These ladies are very special to me, even now when we don’t live near each other anymore. In the Military world friends always move away, even your best friends and there is nothing you can do about that.

I have been through deployments with a Military spouse best friend and I have been through deployments without one and it changes things. Having your own BFF to get through the deployment with will make it easier. You can depend on each other, vent with each other and tell each other that it is going to be okay. The hard part is finding someone to do this with. It doesn’t always happen and when you are moving a lot as you do as a Military spouse, you are always having to look for new friends.

What To Look For In A Military Spouse Best Friend

 

I know for me, finding friends is the easy part. Finding best friends is not. It takes a lot of work and yet you can’t force it. Best friends just happen sometimes and even if you really like someone else, they might not be the person to fit that role.

So what qualities make up a Military best friend? How do you know they are the one to fit that part of your life?

As a Military spouse and mom of three boys, this is what I think you should look for in finding a Military spouse best friend.

  • That you click. As I look back over my closest friendships, they all have one thing in common. We clicked. Almost right away in most cases. As soon as we started hanging out, it just worked and we knew it. I know sometimes you can be friends with someone for a long time and then get closer to them but I bet if you looked back at when you first met you can see that you did click right away, even if it took a while to get there.
  • That you can vent to them. If you have ever been through a deployment you know that some days you just have to vent. If you can’t do that with someone, it is going to be hard for them to be your buddy during the deployment. You need someone who you can vent to and that isn’t going to come back with a “suck it up and don’t talk to me about that anymore” type of attitude.
  • That you can depend on them. I have a very hard time asking for help, even when I need it. However, sometimes things happen and I have to call someone to help me. It is always nice to have that person you can call to help you out and not have it become an awkward situation. Whether it is because your child needs to go to the ER, your car breaks down or you need emergency babysitting help. It is nice to have someone to call and to be available for them if they need you in that way too.

Making friends is something all Military spouses have to do. Making best friends is the most important thing, especially when your spouse is away and your own family lives across the country or even the ocean.

What do you look for in a Military spouse best friend???

The 3 Social Media Sites That Bloggers Should Be Using

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The 3 Social Media Sites That Bloggers Should Be Using

The 3 Social Media Sites That Bloggers Should Be Using

When you start a new blog it is important to also set up social media accounts to go with it. I actually did this differently. I had a Twitter account before I had my blog. It came soon after but still. I decided to join Twitter on a whim back in 2009. I am not even sure why. I started connecting with others, mostly photographers. It was fun to share my work there and see what others were doing.

Once I started my blog I ended up finding other Military Spouses on Twitter and connecting with them. I also started a Facebook page for my blog and a few years later a Pinterest account.

There are a lot of social networks you can join but there are 3 sites that bloggers need to make sure they are on and using on a regular basis 🙂

Twitter- Twitter is a great place to connect with others and share your blog posts. I also like to find other blog posts to read on there as well. It moves very fast and has the biggest learn curve but it is worth checking out. I don’t just tweet about my blog. I tweet about pretty much anything that comes to mind. I use lists to keep up with the people I follow and I also set it up to share my blog posts on there throughout the day.

Facebook- Starting a Facebook page for your blog is pretty easy. You can just use your blog’s name and get it going. Start off sharing the page with your friends and family members. Then their friends will see it and you will start to get likes. You should then talk about your new page on your blog as well as other social media sites. You can join Facebook groups to help get you likes. The Milspouse Blogger’s group I am in is great for this. Growing your Facebook page can be difficult. I still haven’t totally figured it out but there is a lot of advice out there on what to do. I really like Hollie Homer’s videos about how to grow your Facebook page and different tips and tricks to use.

Pinterest- If you are not on Pinterest yet you should get on over there, especially if you have a blog. It can be a great way to generate traffic but it is also a great way to share other’s work as well as find new ideas. I try to always have a photo in my posts that could easily be pinned. Then I make sure to pin it myself to get it started. My hope is that others will repin it either from Pinterest or from my site directly. I started off with a personal account on Pinterst but switched to Business once they started offering that. Changing over is easy to do and you should do it if you are using Pinterest with your blog.

I also really like Instagram and although I am following a lot of people I have met through blogging, I don’t use it as much for my blog. Some people do and have great success with that. I find that because I can’t post a link when I post a photo that it is hard to connect the two. I enjoy sharing photos I have taken, quotes I enjoyed or anything like that. I didn’t include Instagram in my list because I think you can get by without it as a blogger but it can add to your social media experiences when it comes to blogging.

What about you? What are your favorite social media sites to use with your blogging?