Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Going Down the Long Deployment Road

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Going Down the Long Deployment Road

Going Down the Long Deployment Road

At the start of every deployment, I would picture myself standing at the end of a long road. I would have to walk down this path and at the end of the road was homecoming. I didn’t know how long this road was, what types of twists and turns I would have to go through to get to the end, and I didn’t know what shape I would be in when I got there.

The long deployment roadOver the months my husband was deployed, I sometimes was able to run along this road. I felt like I could conquer anything and was able to keep up that pace for a while. But then I would trip and fall, and the only way I could keep moving forward was to crawl.

And for a time that is what I had to do. I was moving at a snail’s pace, or so it seemed, but with each passing day, I was getting close to the finish line.

After some time I would be able to pick myself up and start walking and eventually get back to my run, only to have to slow down again with a challenge of some kind that got in my way. But eventually, I did make it to the end. I made it to homecoming and enjoyed the return of my husband.

The deployment road

I then looked back along that deployment road, at all the twists and turns I had gone through. At all the challenges I had faced. I looked back and saw the people who helped me through, good friends, family members, and even strangers who never even realized what they had done to help me.

As a military spouse, I always knew that there would be long roads in my future. And that each one would look a little different. But I also learned that however long the road was, whatever the challenges would be, I would make it through. One day at a time if need be.

If you have just started a deployment, take heart in knowing that you too can get through this period apart. It’s going to feel so strange at first, not having your spouse around. This will take some getting used to and you probably will never 100% get used to them being gone.

You will have good days, days when you feel like you have mastered everything. You will have bad days, days that will make you want to tear your hair out.

But over the time your spouse is gone, you will learn so much more about yourself, and you will see how strong you truly are.

If you are almost done with a deployment, know that the last few weeks can sometimes be the most challenging. You are done with the deployment except you have a little bit more to do, and that can be overwhelming.

Know that eventually the deployment will come to an end and you will be standing there, holding a homecoming sign, waiting patiently for that first kiss.

If you are getting ready for another deployment and feeling so much dread, try to think about all the good things that can happen when they are gone. There could be projects you have been putting off, you can use the extra pay to help with your student loan, and you know the deployment will be good for their career.

military spouse

Deployments suck. There is no other way to put it, but if you can find the positives of them, that can go a long way in helping you through them.

Wherever you are on your deployment road, know that you can handle this. There is never a right time for a deployment, and you will always wish that your spouse didn’t have to go, but deep down you know this is all apart of the military spouse deal.

If you have just started a deployment or will be starting one soon, check out my free guide for the first 30 days of deployment! 

Save Money and Plan a Fantastic Summer With This Website

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Save Money and Plan a Fantastic Summer With This Website

This is a sponsored post! All opinions are my own!

Summer! We are just weeks away from school being out, heading to the pool, and relaxing a bit without having to worry about school. I am excited about summer this year. I know it is going to be a good one.

Not having an unlimited budget for summer, I have to figure out how we are going to spend our time and our money. We do plan to buy a pool pass, we will have summer sports to go to, and we will be taking a trip to California too. As I try to figure out a budget for things, I am thankful for military discounts and coupons.

groupon coupons

One of the best places to find good coupons is Groupon. This website has so many to choose from. They have over 70,000 coupons from more than 9,000 stores. You should be able to find what you want, no matter what you are planning to do.

This summer, make sure to use Groupon Coupons to help plan your summer. Here are some ideas!

Work on those home projects you have been putting off with Home Depot. You can also get a new patio set. We love to bbq and eat outside before the heat of summer sets in and have been thinking of updating our set too.

Do you have a military ball coming up? Nordstroms has some coupons to help you find the right dress.

Going on a trip and need a rental car? You can find a good deal with Hertz to keep your summer travel costs low.

If you need a hotel, look at Hotels.com for a good coupon to help with the costs of lodging on your trip. Whether you are going down to Florida to relax at the beach or headed to Colorado for some outdoor fun, you will want to find a good rate on your hotel room.

I would love to buy some new summer clothes to stay cool this year, especially since I have lost weight since last summer. Kohl’s is one of my favorite places to shop. You can find Groupon Coupons to help with you or your family’s summer wardrobe.

Groupon coupons

You can also find coupons for Verizon, Shutterfly, Walmart, and more. Take some time to look through and get your summer planning off to a great start.

How have you used Groupon Coupons in the past?

 

Where Milspouses Can Buy Glasses for a Fun in the Sun Summer

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Where Milspouses Can Buy Glasses for a Fun in the Sun SummerWhere Milspouses Can Buy Glasses for a Fun in the Sun Summer

This is a sponsored post! All opinions are my own!

It’s May! Yay! That means summer is almost here. Towards the end of the month, our local pools will open, and we will be buying our pool passes. For the last couple of years, our family has gotten pool passes to enjoy the local pools here in town. We love to swim and be in the water.

Having the pass, we can go for an hour or all day. It doesn’t matter. The boys love to play in the water, and I think this year my six-year-old will be brave enough to go on the slide. I also love to bring a book, and although I do get in the water too, I also enjoy watching the boys while diving into a book. Last year was the first year I felt confident in all of their swimming abilities to be able to do this, so if you are not there yet, you will be eventually.

At our pool, we also have adult only swim for about 10 minutes every hour. This clears the kids out of the pool, and you have to be over 18 to be in during this time. My boys like to steal my chair or have some snacks, and sometimes I will try to get a few laps in.

When I am not at the pool, I wear glasses. I started wearing them when I was about 17 years old. I don’t usually wear my contacts anymore, and I don’t like wearing them when I am in the water. They feel weird on my eyes and I am just not a fan. So I bring my glasses and take them off when I am in the water.

But being that the sun is bright and we are out enjoying the summer, I need sunglasses. As I don’t wear contacts, I can’t just buy a pair and wear them like other people do and I am not a fan of the clip on ones. So what is the solution? Prescription sunglasses! That way I can shield my eyes from the sun and still see where I am going, which is so important with these three boys. I can wear them at the pool, when I got to the park, or anywhere one would want to wear sunglasses.

Where to buy prescription sunglasses

Tricare, unfortunately, does not give us money for glasses, either regular or sunglasses but that doesn’t mean we have to break the bank when we buy them. Discountglasses.com is an excellent choice for glasses. You order online with your prescription after picking out the perfect pair for the summer, or any time of year.

Check out some of what they have to offer…

discountglasses

These purple glasses caught my eye!

purple glasses

Love the style of these!

sunglassesThey have quite a few to choose from in their women’s prescription sunglasses section.

With DiscountGlasses.com, you can look through their selection of classic, fashion or sports frame styles. You can also search by color, frame, and top brands.

You will need to either enter your prescription, give them a copy of your prescription, or give them your eye doctor’s information so they can get the prescription that way.

They also offer free return shipping if you are not happy with your glasses. That way, if the frames you picked out are not going to work for you, you can return them and pick out something else.

They offer free shipping in the US and Canada as well as APOs, FPOs, and DPOs. As they are passionate about the military, they will also not add any extra shipping surcharges for shipping to the military overseas.

So whether you need glasses or contacts, check out this great company that supports the military.

You can also use the code, BLOGDCLDG10 which is good for 10% off on DiscountGlasses.com or DiscountContactLenses.com. Some exceptions apply

Dear Military Spouse, You Are Stronger Than You Think

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Dear Military Spouse, You Are Stronger Than You Think

Dear Military Spouse, You Are Stronger Than You Think

You military spouse are stronger than you think.

Whether you are faced with another year-long deployment or a pcs to a country you never thought you would ever even visit, let alone live, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you are struggling with your three kids, three and under or struggling with infertility, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you just can’t seem to make ends meet or you are upset that you can’t find the right job using your degree, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse joined the military after being married a couple of years or you are about to walk down the aisle to the love of your life, standing there waiting for you in their uniform, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse is deployed to a dangerous location or your spouse is helping out in a natural disaster on the other side of the state, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse is re-enlisting for a few more years or you only have about 60 days left until their ETS dates, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you are heartbroken about having to say goodbye to your best friend who is PCSing away, a year before you are or you are struggling to make a new friend at the duty station you have lived at for over a year, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your own family lives three hours away or 13 hours on a plane, you are stronger than you think.

You see military spouse, no matter what you are going through, no matter what your current struggle might be or what you have ahead of you, you are stronger than you think.

You will get through this, you will and through your experiences, you will grow stronger through each and every one of them.

Take each day and make it your own. Figure out the best way to stay busy and work on yourself. Decide to make the best of every situation but give yourself permission to cry it out if you need to. Find good and valuable friends and if you can’t, try new places and get out and explore. Write in your journal, write letters to your spouse, write letters to your mom, write letters to your best friend and know they have your back too.

One day, your spouse will end their military career. One day, being deployed will be a thing of the past. One day you will look back on these years and wonder how you even made it through. One day you will see how far you have come and will be able to take everything that you have learned and help others in the future.

Military spouse, we all have a story. 

We all have something we have gone through, and all had things in our lives that were struggles. You see military spouse, you are stronger than you think you are and you can make it in this life, standing by your spouse, all the way to the end of their military road.

Deployment Debates: Who Has it Harder?

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Deployment Debates: Who Has it Harder?

Oh, the deployment debates. Who truly does have it harder? Is it the spouse who went through a 15-month deployment? The one married to an over the road truck driver? The Guard spouse who is dealing with monthly drills?

Fun fact: I have been all three of these spouses.

We had four deployments while my husband was on active duty. The shortest was about 5.5 months, the longest 15. Then my husband got out of active duty, and a few months later he became an over the road truck driver. He did this for about 14 months while serving in the National Guard. After that, he worked another job with very long hours. Now he works a local job that has him home at a “normal” hour most nights and has his monthly drills. This summer he will go to his “two-week” training. Over the years he has had his share of CQ, week or month long trainings, and other times he has had to be away from us.

Some years felt like he was always gone.

Other years he was home more often. None of the time away was easy, but some of it was easier than others. But here is the thing. The 15-month deployment? That wasn’t our hardest deployment, and I would want to do almost anything else besides have him be an over the road truck driver again. If I was given a choice, 15-month deployment or truck driving? I would have to think about it and in the end, would probably choose the truck driving. Only because I could talk to him whenever I wanted to, saw him at least every few weeks, and he wouldn’t be in a war zone. But that choice wouldn’t be an easy one.

Go into any Facebook group for military spouses, and you are probably going to see people talking about this. Who does have it harder? Who misses their spouse the most? Who is having a more difficult time?

Even if their struggles seem smaller than yours, other people can still be struggling.

The truth is, we don’t know what everyone is going through. We see everyone’s highlight reel while we have the whole book on our own lives.

There is no reason to debate about who has it worse. Because we will never be able to measure that.

However, simply talking about our experiences can be a good thing. As military spouses, we each have our own stories about what we have been through. The brand new spouse can benefit from hearing about how a seasoned spouse got through her year-long deployment. We can ask each other questions and vent about issues we all experience. We can help one another through our stories as well as our frustrations.

If my husband keeps getting deployed over and over and you tell me you wish that yours would, that is going to be difficult to take.

I am not going to be in a place to be able to understand what you are going through at the moment. I am just hoping and praying my husband gets a break, and you are hoping and praying for the opposite. But later on, I can look back and understand why you felt that way. I can be compassionate and see that all you wanted was for your spouse to be able to go and do what he was trained for.

As we go through this military life, we are going to meet people that have had a harder time with deployments than we have. We are going to meet people who struggled a lot more than we did with having children. We are going to meet people who have more struggles in their marriages.

So when the deployment debates start, when people are trying to figure out who has it harder, remember, we are all on our own paths, dealing with our own struggles, just trying to figure out the best way to make it through this crazy military life. 

To the Young Military Spouse Who is Struggling

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To the Young Military Spouse Who is Struggling

Being married at a young age can be a fantastic thing. You found the person you want to spend the rest of your life without having to wait years to do so. You can take comfort in the fact that you will get to grow old together, starting in your 20s or even late teens. There is a lot to be excited about when you get married at a younger age.

However, being married young can also be tough. All marriages have their challenges. You can get married in your 30s and be divorced by your 40s. There isn’t a particular age in where you can make sure your marriage will be a good one and will survive, but being young can add some extra stress to your marriage. If you marry young, you will be growing up together, working through issues that other people resolve on their own before marriage. Marrying young means having to push other parts of your life onto the backburner. College and the first few years of your career can be skipped over for an early marriage and becoming a mother. There is so much to think about when marrying young.

Being a military couple adds in other stresses. From being a part through basic and AIT to moving far away from home and then deployments and trainings. No matter how old you are, these stresses can get to you and hurt your marriage if you let them.

For the young military spouse, all of this can lead to plenty of frustrations. While your friends are off at college, you are trying to make a home in a new state with a husband who is off at war. You can no longer relate to them, but you struggle to make friends where you are. This can create loneliness, and that frustration can lead to blaming the marriage or even your spouse for how you are feeling.

So what can you do? What do you do when you feel so helpless and alone? When you wonder if you should have waited a bit longer. When you question if going to college would have been a better choice. What do you do when your spouse is overseas and doesn’t seem to want to talk to you and in some cases even tells you he doesn’t want to be married anymore? What do you do when it seems your marriage is falling apart before it has even had a chance to start?

Remember, all marriages have seasons

There is a time for all things. Some seasons of your life will be happier than others. You will go through challenges as a couple. Money problems, military frustrations, issues with work, with your children and even other people. Some seasons will be easier than others.

Just because being married young is going to be a challenge doesn’t mean your marriage won’t make it

For every couple that married young that didn’t make it, another one did. Try not to listen to those who say you won’t make it because you are so young. They are not a part of your marriage. Keep what’s important in mind and do what you can to make the marriage work.

Military life adds additional challenges

No doubt about it, marrying into the military is going to give you extra challenges. A year-long deployment a few months after you get married is going to challenge you in ways you never thought possible. Remember, you are not alone in going through this. Many couples have gone before you and have gotten through.

Love your spouse through the difficult moments

When things are difficult, keep loving your spouse. Remind them of the time when you fell in love. Write letters, emails and send care packages. Sometimes service members can get into deployment mode and that can complicate things. They might not be acting like the same person you know and love. Keep in mind that deployments can change the way things are and even if they do go back to normal when they get home, you will each grow through them.

Stay busy when they are gone

When your spouse is gone, stay busy. Go to college, online if you can’t go to a physical one. Start working, build up your career. Make friends, make plans. Go out to lunch and plan dinners. Work on your home or get involved in volunteer work. This is always something you can do to stay busy.

Don’t push for babies, enjoy your pre-baby time

This is complicated. Some of you came into the marriage with children. But if you haven’t, wait. Even if you wait until you are in your mid-20s, you will still be a young mom. Children are awesome and can add so much to marriage but they are also a lot of work and getting pregnant right away, especially when they are in the military can be too much for some people. Wait if you can, even if you wait an extra year. Enjoy your pre-baby time because once you start having children, everything changes.

Don’t be afraid of counseling

If you need to, see a counselor. If your spouse won’t go to counseling, go by yourself. Military One Source has a lot of resources. Being able to see a counselor on a regular basis can be a good outlet to help you see what you need to work on and what you two can work on as a couple.

Find older spouses to learn from

Learn from those who have gone before you. Talk to your grandma, your mom or an older sister or friend. They have been through what you are going through in the past and have some words of advice. As you start your military journey, you will be able to connect with other spouses that have been living the military life longer than you have.

Fight for your marriage

Sometimes you will have to fight for your marriage. Sometimes you might be the only one doing so. This is going to wear you out but keep thinking about what you have committed to and commit to working through whatever it is that you need to work through to help your marriage.

Embrace the military life

Being able to embrace the military life is going to help you navigate through the challenges you face. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy about everything the military does or that you will not go through times when it feels like you can’t make it another day, but being able to look at the positives of this life will be a good idea, especially when first starting out.

Be wary of what you tell your family

When you marry young, you might have just left the home you grew up in. Almost overnight you could have gone from a teenager finishing high school to a spouse. This can be a complicated process, and in some cases, it is hard to make that change. If you and your spouse are going through some difficulties, be careful of what you are telling your family. They can remember what you say and bring that back up years later, even if you have moved beyond it.

Find good friends and choose wisely

Be careful about who you share things with. Not everyone you meet is going to have your best interests at heart. Get out there and make friends but save your secrets for the people you can trust and rely on the most. The ones who you trust to get advice from and those who know how to keep a secret.

So, to the young military spouse that is struggling, you have to want to be married to the person you have chosen to walk down the aisle to. You made that decision, and you have to want the relationship to work. While not everyone who tries for their marriage will succeed, every person that did has tried to make things work, even in the most difficult of circumstances. *

What advice would you give to a younger military spouse?

* If you think you are in an abusive relationship, seek help and figure out a way to get out. You do not need to try to make things work with someone who is hurting you. That is not okay and there are resources out there to help you.

To The Military Spouse With Toddlers

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To The Military Spouse With ToddlersTo The Military Spouse With Toddlers

2007 was a year for me. I had a newborn, two-year-old and a deployed husband. We were in Germany and man, that was quite the challenge. The toddler years are rough for anyone, add in the Military and a deployment, and you can find yourself in a stressful situation.

These days we are just months away from that two-year-old turning 13 and becoming a teenager. My newborn? He will be 11 this year, and his “baby” brother is almost 6.5. Time goes by, and kids grow up. The toddler years, as difficult as they are, go by and soon you find yourself in a different stage of life.

As I look back on those years, the ones where I had two in diapers, the ones that never seemed like they would end, I am reminded of how difficult they were for me and how much I struggled with them. People tell me that the teen years are worse and I pray that isn’t true for us because those toddler years? They just about did me in.

I do wonder what those years would have been like had my husband never deployed. Would I have been more patient? Would those years have been easier? Would I even know how much harder things could have been?

So, to the military spouse with toddlers that is feeling so burned out and frustrated, know that I have been there. I know what that is like.

What it is like…

  • To wake up in the morning and wonder how you are going to make it through the day with these kids. To have to find things to do and ways to occupy your time.
  • To not have someone coming home later that night to help. To be the only parent in the house. To be the one that does everything when it comes to the kids. To be both mom and dad for months at a time.
  • To wonder what the heck you are going to make for dinner because your toddler only likes chicken nuggets and you hate to cook.
  • To be envious of friends who have never had to solo parent more than a day or two.
  • To countdown the hours until your husband is home from work, only the hours are weeks and work is Afghanistan.
  • To have to figure out how you will get all of your groceries, a baby and a two-year-old up to the third floor in one trip. You realize you can’t possibly do that, so you have to decide who is going to go first.
  • To not be the parent you want to be because you can’t seem to figure out how to do it all by yourself and you have to let things go.
  • To have to make decisions about your child all by yourself because you simply can’t talk with your spouse for more than five minutes at a time.
  • To not have any family nearby to help you out when you could use them.
  • To be so tired and exhausted that you can’t possibly imagine going another six months alone, but then you do.
  • To fly across the world with just you and the kids. Two in diapers, one still breastfeeding and knowing that you will probably get 500 stares along the way.

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So to the Military spouses with toddlers, it’s going to be okay.

You are living some of your hardest years as a parent, and you have to do a lot of that on your own. Sometimes it really sucks, and there isn’t much you can do to change that. You just have to remember that this too shall pass and this stage will be over before you know it.

You have to depend on your friends, have vent sessions, meet for coffee, take the kids to the park and relax when you can. Know that you are doing the best you can with the life you have. Know that kids do grow and things get a little better. Know that as your children get older, life will get a little easier. Know that you won’t always feel like you do right now. Kids grow. They start school. They learn how to use the potty. They learn how to get dressed without you. They learn how to make breakfast.

They do, I promise. And when you get to that stage, you will look back and remember the days when it didn’t seem like all that was possible.

Do you have toddlers? What are your tricks for getting through difficult days?

To the Military Spouse Worried About War

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To the Military Spouse Worried About War

I was in college on 9/11. I was dating my husband at the time and we pretty much already knew we would be getting married the next year. He was in IRR (Individual Ready Reserve) at the time.

When I heard that some IRR units were being activated, I started to freak out a bit. This was before we ever talked about him going back into the military, before I ever knew I would be a military spouse, before I ever thought about sending my husband off to war.

In the end, his unit did not get called up. It would be another five years before my husband would have to go to war. He started a deployment out of Germany in August of 2006.

That deployment was originally nine months, yet became 12 and then ended at about 15. That deployment was a difficult one for everyone. During this time we were right in the middle of the Iraq war.

So many people in the military were being deployed. So many men and women were going overseas.

Ever since then things have taken a tone towards “less war.” Yes, people are still getting deployed to very dangerous places. Yes, people are still going to war, but in the last few years, the tone has changed a bit.

This is to be expected. Things change over the years. Things change with different Presidents. Different decisions have to be made. The military ebbs and flows. If you have been a military spouse for more than a few years, you know this.

As tensions start to heat up again in places around the world, us military spouses can start to get a bit worried.

And rightly so. More war means more deployments. More war means more time away. More war means stepping up what it means to stand by someone serving in the military.

So to the military spouse worried about war, I get you. I know how scary this worry is, especially if you have never had to experience a deployment before. I think there is a good reason to be a bit worried when we hear about what is going on in the news.

Even though our head knows that going to war is exactly what our spouse has been trained for, even if we understand that on a logical level, our heart doesn’t quite get it.

Coming to peace with all this is a difficult thing to do. Coming to peace that our spouse, the mother or father of our children, the one we laugh with, make dinner with and enjoy life with will have to go somewhere scary is a difficult thing to do. Coming to peace with the realities of war, especially a long war, is a difficult thing to do.

So as you worry, know that so many of us are worried too. Know that we come from a long line of strong military spouses who have also sent their spouses off to war. That no matter what happens you will always have the sisterhood of other military spouses behind you.

There is nothing anyone can say that can totally take away the worry we military spouses face when we know the love our life is in a war zone.

We just have to figure out ways to get through, to try not to dwell on that part of the job, to move forward and make the best of the time away. This the reality of being married to a service member.

There are so many reasons why a deployment can be so challenging and having a spouse in a war zone is one of them. Let’s all remember that we can get through this, even if the days get hard, even if the nights get lonely and even if we get so scared that we are not sure what to do.

How do you make peace with this part of military life?