Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Guest Post

My Experience as a Hispanic Military Spouse

by Leave a Comment

My Experience as a Hispanic Military Spouse

How I Learned English and Thrived

La Isla del Encanto. Have you heard of that place? It is a small island in the Caribbean. Puerto Rico is a paradise with captivating beauty and culture. The home where I spent the first 19 years of my life. During my teenage years, I often told my parents that I was never leaving my home, my community, or my country. Learning English at school was a struggle, and I was not interested in making an effort. I thought it was pointless. Ironically, after high school graduation, my boyfriend joined the U.S. Air Force; and you can probably guess what happened after that. I left my family, my home, and my country. 

Not even in my wildest dreams would I have thought of living on the other side of the world. But, you guess again, my new home was not in the United States but in Japan. Have you watched Men in Black II? In the final scene, Agent K calls Agent J a rookie and kicks a door open. Agent J is shocked to find out that the world as he knows it is just a part of something bigger. That is how I felt when I arrived in Okinawa, my husband’s first duty station. 

Soon enough, I regretted my past lack of effort in learning English. Speaking with others was not only challenging but nerve-wracking. It is accurate to say it was impossible. Keeping up with the speed at which people spoke was difficult. It did not help that I would try to translate everything from English to Spanish in my mind. I could not understand a word or form a sentence, for that matter. I was frustrated and lacked confidence. So what did I do? 

I enrolled in an online university to continue my education. My first class was English. This time, I was determined to learn; and I did, but it was challenging every day. I know completing my school work took longer just because of the language barrier. Countless tears, sleepless nights, and six years later, I earned my B.A. in Psychology from Penn State University. During those six years, I moved three times and had two children. It has been ten years since I became a military spouse, and I have learned many lessons. 

From mistakes I made to things I would do differently, this is my advice: 

● Prioritize wellness. Seek professional support sooner than later. 

● Choose approach over avoidance. 

● Do not isolate yourself. 

● Take your time but do it. 

● Everything takes practice. Take the first step. 

● Find resources! There are many now. 

● Ask for help; there are kind and caring people out there. 

● Get social and take advantage of social media platforms. 

● Stay connected to family and friends. It is still possible when you are far.

● Keep a balance.

● Do not compare yourself to others; follow your path.

● Believe in yourself. 

I wish you the best in this challenging and incredible journey!

Here are more resources that I have found useful:

Written by guest writer, Lourdes Gonzalez!

Military No Stress PCS

by Leave a Comment

Military No Stress PCS

When my husband was commissioned into the Navy 19 years ago, I really had no idea what it would look like. My family had limited military roots and nowhere near the extent of what we were about to embark on. I also was a young 20-something with just a year and a half of college under my belt- not a lot of worldly experience to speak of.

If I’m being honest, most of our early days in the military are now a bit of a blur. We had our first two children during that time and there was a lot of moving back home during deployments which, when you add those things together, equal brain fog. A lot of brain fog.

Children will do that to you on a regular basis. Couple that with the fact that you didn’t always remember what time zone you were in let alone which one your deployed spouse was in will most likely lead to you remembering that time with just bits and pieces of those memories. 

Look familiar? Just one batch of empty moving boxes and paper from our latest PCS move.  

With the support of our families, I moved back home during months-long deployments, which meant I didn’t have a lot of access to military-related resources at a base. While I may not have needed them at the time, looking back, I think about how different my life could have been. Our past few homes have had a large community military presence.

It was only this past fall that I became aware of an organization called Military No Stress PCS. A friend of mine saw they were looking for a military spouse to be the new program coordinator and she thought of me. After a lengthy conversation with MNSPCS founder Rob, I was the newest member of the Military No Stress PCS team. They were truly putting their money where their mouth was in terms of saying they support the military and actually supporting the military.

This program is presently in its infancy, but had it been something that existed when I was a new military spouse, it could have been a very valuable resource. We have PCS’d 8 times in 19 years and I could call myself an old hat when it comes to moving. If I had the opportunity to use this type of help when it comes to finding the answers I needed, you can bet I would use it.  

What is Military No Stress PCS?

 

Military No Stress PCS wants to help active-duty military families. 

• The idea of this program came from a civilian, in the real estate business in Florida, who met a military couple moving back to the States and were looking to purchase a house. During the real estate process, they became friends, and then, through this friendship, the civilian began to wonder about how he could help other military families. From this genuine desire to help military families, Military No Stress PCS was born.  

• At Military No Stress PCS, the commitment goes beyond the actual move and fosters a network of support and fellowship for our military community. Alongside active-duty members and spouses, we are supported by veterans and civilian volunteers,  representing all branches of our military family. It is all about giving back to the military community. 

• The Military No Stress PCS reach expanded to 87 CONUS locations and 12 OCONUS  locations in 2021. 

• Military No Stress PCS is funded by grants and donations and offers a personal concierge service completely free of charge. 

• Military No Stress PCS concierge service basics: they tell us what they’re looking for; whether that’s information on homes, neighborhoods, schools, commute times,  community involvement, local services, etc., and then we do the research and give them our highest recommendations.  

• Since beginning the concierge service last fall, Military No Stress PCS has had upwards of 75 inquiries on a variety of topics, such as housing, pediatricians, overseas orthodontists, school-aged care, and how to find local jobs.  

• Military No Stress PCS simply wants to support those who serve and their families by offering resources at no cost to them. For housing (rentals or buyers), we have real estate agents who are often military spouses themselves and/or are certified Military Relocation Professionals.  

• Military No Stress PCS also employs military spouses and retired military to ensure the recommendations are authentic and come from experienced professionals.  

• MNSPCS hopes to bring military families as many answers as possible for their PCS  questions (including questions they might have even after they’ve settled) and to reach beyond those resources to allow military families to find the same community aspects when moving from location to location, saving families the time and energy revisiting the search with each move. 

The information is out there in a thousand different locations. It can often be found by knowing the right places to search and the right keywords to type in. Sometimes, though, I am just plain tired of searching and that’s where Military No Stress PCS would come in.

There will be stress (that is a given) and there will be things that simply have to play out before the stress will be gone or even be merely reduced. These are just facts about military life. I have often found military spouses (myself included!) to be stubborn and strong and accepting help is not usually in our nature. After I had my twin boys, however, I realized how much help I needed and that some people genuinely want to help and the mission behind Military No Stress PCS is exactly that.  

This military life has brought my family so many opportunities, including a tour overseas. Let MNSPCS help reduce your PCS stress so you can enjoy your opportunities.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Becca! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

Being a military spouse is a hard job. Being a parent of teens is even harder. When deployments come, and you’re left to parent teenagers on your own, it can feel like going into battle with only a popsicle stick as a weapon. Teenagers aren’t as scary as they sound, as long as you know what to do when the going gets rough. Deployments represent an extraordinary chance to connect with your teens and strengthen your bond.

A Note About Teenagers

We were warned about the teenage years. Everyone told us they would be terrible – that our kids would run amok, be defiant, and skip school. While those things do sometimes happen, I’m here to tell you that, by and large, teenagers are awesome. 

In their teen years, our kids grow into themselves. We get to see glimpses of the adults they will become. It’s a wonderful time for meaningful conversations about life, the world, and your child’s place in it. And let’s not forget that teenagers are self-sufficient: they sleep until noon if you let them, do their own laundry, and once they get a driver’s license, you can have them stop at the grocery store on the way home from school. 

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Teens face very real, very scary problems: societal pressures, mental health challenges, bullying, drugs, alcohol, sex. I’d take potty training and tantrums any day over having to navigate some of the issues my teens have faced.

Being a Teenager in a Military Family

Military kids aren’t immune from typical teenage problems. In fact, they face even greater challenges because they are military kids: constantly moving from one school to the next, saying goodbye to friends at a pivotal time in their lives, and living without one or both parents for months on end. During a deployment, those typical teenage problems seem even more significant to our kids. 

As the parent left behind, we often take on the brunt of their pain, anger, and sadness. Guiding teenagers through a parent’s deployment can feel like a monumental task, but it is not impossible. With enough careful planning, love, and outside support, you can help your teens cope during a deployment. 

Take Care of Yourself First

We hear it all the time as military spouses: you have to take care of yourself first. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” they tell us. “You have to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” All cheesy cliches aside, self-care is vital, especially during emotionally exhausting times of life. Teenagers can be super wonderful most of the time, but they are also challenging at others.

Your energy isn’t infinite. To have enough energy to support your teens when they struggle, you have to recharge first. Start by carving out some time for yourself. 

Keep Them Talking

Teenagers might act like they don’t need us (and they might even believe they don’t). However, in these formative years, parental guidance is crucial. When one parent is deployed, half of our kids’ parenting support system is gone for months at a time. 

Be intentional about creating and maintaining open communication. Getting a teen to open up about thoughts and feelings isn’t always easy, but the tips in this link can help you start a dialogue. Let them know that you are a safe space, that your teen can tell you anything, without judgment – and mean it. 

Secondly, before a deployment, have your spouse create a communication plan with your teen. Maybe it’s an online game that your teen and your spouse can play together across the miles. Perhaps it’s a weekly phone call solely between your spouse and your teens. Encourage your kids to keep a journal of things they want to tell their deployed parent. Then, during that scheduled call, they’ll have lots to talk about.

Encourage External Support

Teens value the opinions of their peers. Often, they’ll listen to their peers long before they listen to adults. The trick is to guide your teens toward healthy, positive friendships that strengthen their mental and emotional health.

Military kids face specific challenges that only other military kids can truly understand. If your child doesn’t have any military-associated friends, encourage them to seek out groups of military peers. Connecting with other military kids can help your teen feel less alone. 

If your child struggles to find others who understand, suggest the following:

  • School groups with like-minded people. Many military communities have after-school programs that connect military kids.
  • Contact the School Liaison Officer on your campus. This person can help direct your child towards support programs for teens with deployed parents. 
  • Online groups, such as Military Kids Connect. Many teens feel more comfortable opening up online than they do in person. Of course, be sure to monitor these online groups and ensure everyone stays safe.

If your child is genuinely struggling with mental or emotional health, contact your medical professional. You might also reach out to on-post mental health services, such as the completely free Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) representative on your installation. Some locations have MFLCs that work specifically with children and teens. Many therapists off-post also take Tricare insurance, giving your child access to a great network of mental health professionals at no cost. 

Stay Busy

During a deployment, days can often feel twice as long. Staying busy helps the time pass quickly, and it helps keep you and your teens connected. Sit down together and brainstorm ideas for a “deployment bucket list.” Include places to go, things to do, and unique experiences to do together while your spouse is deployed. Then, choose at least one item from that list to complete each week.

You can also encourage your teens to stay busy with after-school activities, sports, time with friends, and pursuing new hobbies. Fill your days – and theirs – with mental stimulation and physical activity. Staying busy not only helps the deployment go by faster, but it also gives you and your teen an outlet to release your emotional and mental stress.

Lower Your Expectations

We sometimes forget that our teenagers aren’t mini-adults. They’re still kids. And they’re kids dealing with very real emotions about their deployed parent. Cut your kids some slack during deployment and lower your expectations. Mental health is always more important than an “A” on the science test.

Even in the best of circumstances, parenting teens can be tough. Adding a deployment to the equation sometimes makes it feel impossible. Take it one day at a time. Take care of yourself. And love your kids hard. Eventually, that deployment countdown will hit zero, and you’ll be a stronger family because you faced this hardship together.  

Becca Stewart is an Air Force Spouse, mother of two, freelance writer, and sufferer of Wanderlust. Originally from Colorado, she enjoys anything outdoors, especially if there’s snow involved. She is a travel fanatic, always looking for her next great adventure. As a full-time writer, Becca works closely with several nonprofit organizations and is a passionate advocate for human rights and military families. She is Mom to two incredible kids, one teen, and one young adult. Together, they’ve been through four deployments and countless TDYs.  Learn more at writebecca.com.  Website Facebook LinkedIn

The Anxiety of a Military Spouse When Deployment Comes to an End

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Megan! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

The anxiety of a Military Spouse when deployment comes to an end

The Anxiety of a Military Spouse When Deployment Comes to an End

If you have ever experienced an anxiety attack you will know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re a military spouse, you will get it even more. Anxiety has a crazy way of messing with your head and your emotions. Before you know it, the anxiety has taken over your entire being and leaves you emotionally and physically exhausted. 

I can remember when my husband first deployed; the anxiety was taking over every ounce of my being. I couldn’t think about anything else. I couldn’t sleep.

Every time I looked at my husband I wanted to cry or throw up. It was like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to cling to him. I wanted him to cling to me.

I didn’t want him to go. I tried my very best to understand the mission first and it was his duty. But a selfish part of me wanted to throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming. 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, the morning he left I didn’t shed one tear. The anxiety I had felt for months suddenly went away. I stood there until the buses drove off and waited.

I took a moment to myself standing in the empty parking lot in the cold. I waited for the tears to come. I waited for the anxiety panic attack to kick in. I was prepared for it. But it never did. I got in the car and talked to my dad all the way home and not once shed a tear. 

I was beginning to think something was wrong with me. I got home, drank coffee, and got the kids off to school. I just kept waiting to feel something. Then it hit me.

I walked into our bedroom and looked at our unmade bed and everything I was waiting to hit me did. I fell to the floor with my heart aching an unbearable pain. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t stand up.

I sat on the floor sobbing for what seemed like hours but, it was minutes. I reminded myself what I had promised my husband; no matter what I would keep going. So, I got up, wiped my tears, and slowly got dressed for work. I just kept telling myself “you promised him to live your life, to keep going, to take care of our family, and to never quit”. So, I didn’t. 

Now I won’t lie. There have been many times during this deployment that I have cried. Either out of anger, feeling defeated, being scared, being lonely, or just happy tears.

However, I will say for the most part I took all those emotions and shoved them deep down in the pit of my stomach, and refused to let them come up. Any time I started feeling in the feel goods I would stop myself. “Remember Megan, you promised him to keep going”. So, I kept going no matter what. 

Now we are so close to being done. I texted my husband today and told him it was almost unreal. I haven’t allowed myself to think about him coming home for so long. I haven’t let myself count days or think about months.

Now that we are here, all the emotions I had been shoving down are all crashing into me at once. I am scared. I’m excited. I am overwhelmed.

There are so many questions constantly going through my head. What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if we have both changed so much, we no longer connect?

What will the sex be like? What are his expectations? What are mine? So many questions and no answers. It’s terrifying to think about.

Anytime I start to think about it I tear up and start to cry. I see the Facebook posts and want to cry. I open the boxes full of his clothes and start to cry.

I look around at my messy house and think about everything that needs to be done to prepare for him to come and that really makes me want to cry. My husband is somewhere on a plane coming home to our family and I just can’t wrap my head around it.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, touched him, and smelled him. To think about it my heart wants to explode. And the anxiety gets higher and higher.

I try to control it but with every day I can feel the anxiety growing more and more. When will it end? The day before I pick him up? The minute I see him? I don’t know.  

I guess this will be a 2-part post. Right now, I can only write about how I feel as the deployment is coming to an end. Just my thoughts and feelings right now. Once we get to welcome him home and settle into a new normal, I can write about if I was right or wrong.

I will have a better understanding of how all this works. I hope I get to write something wonderful and picture-perfect. I hope my anxiety will calm down long enough for me to enjoy planning him coming home. Until then, I will just write about what I know. So, I will leave this as; “to be continued” …………

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Holly. Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

I find that the hardest part of my husband being gone is always right at the beginning and then at the end. I always feel “lost” for a few days, adjusting to our new normal without him, and then I feel so stressed at the end getting ready for him to come home and trying to make sure everything is just right. This post tackles my tips for those first few days away…

Make Time for You

I know what you’re thinking, “don’t worry, he’s gone, I have tons of time for myself”, but really, on the first night alone, take some time for yourself and enjoy it. I always pour a bubble bath, grab a good book, and watch a chick flick on Netflix.

I love stretching out in the bed and controlling the remote (which usually never happens). Also, think about using this time to better yourself. Eat healthy, make time for the gym, and read that new self-help book you’ve been too busy to open. Not only will this help you pass the time, but you’ll make some positive changes that you can continue once he returns.

Spend Time with Friends

After you’ve had enough “me time”, search out your besties and find something fun to do. Sometimes that’s going out for a girl’s night, hitting up a concert, or even just grilling on the deck. Spend some time with the girls and build up those relationships.

Struggling to make friends in a new place? Try visiting with moms at school, daycare, or sporting events. Visit with other ladies at the gym or search out new friends at work. This is a great time to hang out with new people and check in on those you haven’t been able to visit with for a while.

Make Special Time with Your Children

One of the small blessings of my husband being gone is how close my son and I are. We spend lots of time together, just the two of us, and we have a great relationship. We try and do fun activities together and make new memories, even when my husband can’t be there to enjoy them with us.

I’ve found myself getting braver as he gets older too. We go camping together, weekend trips, and we’ve even ventured on a few road trips, just the two of us.

Whether this is the first time he has left or the tenth, these three tips seem to help get us through whatever military life throws at us. I figure you can look at their absence as an awful burden or as an opportunity to gain insight into yourself and build relationships; the latter makes for a much happier you and therefore a much happier military family in the trips to come.

Holly Corcoran is a military wife of 10 years, mom to one adorable and resilient seven-year-old, and third-grade teacher living in the flyover states. She juggles home, parenting, and teaching, while also sometimes taking calls from Afghanistan. Connecting with other military spouses and friends is a constant reminder “we’re always under the same sky.”

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

by

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Happy to have this guest post by Christina on being stationed at Fort Sill in Oklahoma. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for blog posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

Hi! My name is Christina. I am an Army wife, mother of two boys, homeschool teacher, and lifestyle blogger at It’s a Military Life. We have been stationed at Fort Sill in Oklahoma for over 4 years and it has been an amazing place to raise our children. Lots of family programs and support that we are actively involved in with our little ones. I am so excited to share all about Fort Sill and the surrounding area!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Tell me about the area

Fort Sill is in southwest Oklahoma, with Lawton as its neighboring community, just outside the gates. Personally, being a Chicago native, I very much enjoy the sunny and mild weather. Here and there you might get crazy storms-hail, intense rainstorms, and strong winds-but thankfully the mountains are great for deterring any possible threat of a tornado.

The weather allows for wonderful times at the beautiful LETRA lake and park facility located on post, with cabins, a family beach, picnic areas, and many different outdoor activities. Elmer Thomas Park is also a great place to enjoy a stroll around the pond, free splash park during the summer, and a park suitable for all ages! There are multiple dog parks on post and around Lawton. Some of our first friends we met were at the local parks. If you enjoy the outdoors, this is the place for you!

Mount Scott is a very popular destination, located within the Wichita Mountain Refuge. Here you will see bison, longhorns, and many cute little prairie dogs. Holy City is also tucked away in the mountainous areas; a perfect place to reflect and take in the historic landmark. Another great place to visit is the quaint town of Medicine Park-adorable shops, beautiful scenery, and only a short drive all within the area. 

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

I can go on and on about all the beauty in the surrounding areas, and all the outdoor opportunities on and off base. At first, Lawton/Fort Sill might seem like it is all restaurants, casinos, churches, and car washes (my first thought), but I had to stop comparing it to my hometown of lush green trees, lakes, and suburban living. It has a lot to offer, you just have to be willing to explore to find it!

What facilities are on base?

Fort Sill has a wonderful PX and Commissary, with lots of food and shopping options. There is a bowling alley, four recreational centers, an indoor pool, multiple outdoor swimming pools, splash parks, movie theater, countless parks, a youth center, a very active USO, multiple places of worship, and a great facility called the Patriot Spouses Club for parties and events.

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

What’s there to eat around there?

Fort Sill/Lawton has plenty of restaurants to choose from and even has a lot of food trucks for all those foodies out there. Our favorites are Ted’s Escondido, Burger Joint, Rib Crib, Firehouse Subs, Braum’s Ice Cream, and The Wright’s Diner. Medicine Park has some amazing restaurants, especially Old Plantation, which has great food that makes you feel like you are back home in your grandmother’s kitchen!

Families with Children

Lawton Public School District is the school district for the area, with the on post school included: Freedom Elementary. There are a few private schools in the area, as well. Fort Sill has wonderful options for part-time and full-time childcare, with availability at multiple facilities and in-home care which are all located on base. The Youth Center offers game and leisure activities, a technology lab, homework center, individual sports, group sports, and other fitness activities.

Fort Sill community is very active all year long, with lots of holiday celebrations and special events. Trunk-or-Treat is one of our favorites, along with LETRA Movie on the Beach, Dog Days of Summer Pool Party, ACS Play Group, and Exploring the Park events, Elmer Thomas Christmas Parade, NYE Library Story Time, and much much more!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

If you’re up for the drive…

As I mentioned before, Medicine Park with the Wichita Mountains is within the area, which is great if you like the outdoors and a quaint small-town vibe with unique shops you can’t find anywhere else.

As a midwestern native, who grew up close to Chicago, I love only being an hour and a half from Oklahoma City! This city is thriving, with so many activities for singles, couples, and families. The zoo has so many animals and hosts several special events. Both Oklahoma City and Edmond, have lots of great museums and play places for your kids to explore. The Oklahoma State Fair is the biggest event of the year every September. Lots of delicious food and family fun!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Dallas is only 2.5 hours away, with endless activities and places to go, with fun rodeo shows nearby at Fort Worth and amazing shops at Grapevine. Tulsa is 3.5 hours east with beautiful shops, great museums, and a lovely botanical garden.  All worthwhile drives, with great communities full of experiences for everyone!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

All in all…

Fort Sill is a great place for family, and we really have enjoyed our time here. The weather is sunny and mild almost every day, giving us lots of chances to have some great outdoor memories with our kids and dog. The base itself is all about taking care of their soldiers and families, with countless activities to promote community and wellness. We are so grateful for all the experiences we have had so far in this great location.

Hi, I’m Christie! I’m an Army spouse, homeschool teacher, and lifestyle blogger at It’s a Military Life. IML is a lifestyle blog sharing lifestyle advice and resources for military spouses and families. The blog includes many different contributors sharing military experiences, home decor ideas, recipes, fitness, as well as resources for our military children. We are a diverse community of military spouses creating a milso network for both men and women because military spouses are stronger together!

The Gifts You Can Receive During a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

The Gifts You Can Receive During a Deployment

I was so thankful to have met Jennifer at MakeHer this past October. She has an amazing blog and website, dedicated to military spouse support. She truly has a heart for military spouses and the military community! Enjoy this post she wrote about the gifts you can receive from a deployment!

Deployment number five, C.H.E.C.K

Though still many weeks away, I can’t escape the quiet excitement at the thought of wrapping up another deployment. This weekend, I found myself thinking that as much as I don’t enjoy being without my husband for nine months, I can’t help but be grateful for the blessings these months have given me.

Yep, you read that right, blessings!

Deployments always challenge me, and yet the challenge with each is revealed differently. I’ve been a girlfriend, a newlywed, a 1st-time mom, a tired mom to a toddler and newborn, and twice. I’ve navigated solo parenting as a part-time professional and full-time mom of two young, rambunctious kids. Five deployments, in nine years.

I’m the first to admit that this was the hardest of our five. If I could have known then what I know now, I’d tell the new mom to stop worrying. Dad’s absence in those early months won’t impact his ability to connect with his son. I’d say to her to sleep more and clean less. I’d tell her that waiting months to un-decorate the house after a major holiday is totally acceptable. I’d remind her that chicken nuggets and pizza are sometimes just what everyone needs. Oh, the things I’d tell her!

For those who’ve been there, we wouldn’t wish this kind of separation on anyone. And yet, deployments remind me to appreciate small moments with our kids, knowing their dad would give anything to enjoy that same moment. The kids and I have seen each other at our worst and our best, day after day, and we’re better for it. Through hardship, I was given a chance to get to know my children in a way I might not have otherwise. It’s hard not to be grateful for that gift.

For me, deployments have a “grounding” effect. It’s an opportunity to remember all that I love most about my husband and our family. It’s an opportunity to renew my appreciation for all the quiet contributions he makes to my life and our family’s life. And this time, even more than previous separations, I was reminded that my world just isn’t the same without him in it. It’s so easy in the day to day bustle to forget the things that matter most. Deployments force you to notice. I consider that a gift.

So, number five was different. And the differences took me by surprise. Dad’s presence (or absence) was noticed like never before – at the dinner table, during bath time, during midnight runs to the ER, during a myriad of “firsts,” during birthdays or school award presentations, or even on a day of kite flying in the front yard. Dad was missed in prior years, too, but this was different. This time the kids were old enough to ask, to miss, to cry, to be angry, to be sad in ways they’d never felt, and I’d never had to console.

I was different too. This time, sending packages and writing letters were things I just didn’t make time for – or at least not as often as I felt he deserved. And yet, thanks to the gift technology gave our deployed family, we have Skype-d, Facebook-ed, and remained connected in a way that changed this experience for all of us.

My husband was able to hear our young daughter’s vocabulary bloom in real-time, and I have been able to see the smile that his children’s laughter brings to his eyes and his face. Perhaps because you know what is at stake, those moments carry so much more weight than a typical Sunday afternoon family interaction. And I’ve cherished them, especially when I leave our 4-year-old alone with her dad and come back to find them playing peek-a-boo with the web camera and each other. I feel like separations are often overrun with moments like this that make your heart simultaneously break and swell with love.

I knew my husband loves our children. I knew he was a great father, but to see the simultaneous joy and pain in his eyes when he talks to our children over a webcam – well, there again, a gift of sorts. Watching him watch them changed how I saw him.

Many talk about the sacrifices of the military spouse, not just the Soldier. It’s true. There are sacrifices on both sides, but there was never a moment when I felt mine were greater than his. In addition to being reminded of my own strength I, perhaps for the first time, truly understand my husband’s strength, and it will forever change how I see him. Yet another gift.

Before he left, as is a tradition of ours, he hid about 20 notes around the house for me to find. On each, a word of encouragement or just a phrase to make me smile. And for nine months, I’ve been able to wake up and go to bed each morning seeing my collection of notes that now line the mirror on my dresser, reminded in bright pink that I am cherished. Another gift.

So yes, I’d give anything to have had my Soldier home these past nine months. And yes, this letter would read far differently if he hadn’t come home to me, to us. Even still, when I think about the impact of these months apart, I cannot imagine a path that could have helped me learn so much about myself or my husband in such a short amount of time. I can’t imagine a life other than this one, with all its challenges and its blessings.

Through each separation, I am forced to remember, and then somehow manage to forget, that I am stronger than I believe. Perhaps someday I’ll learn how to hold tight to that lesson.

There are always blessings, even during deployments. You just have to be willing to see them, embrace them, and treasure them. We ALL have our bad days, but seeing some sun in this experience is what makes it tolerable. And if you let it, this experience that you’d prefer not to have will allow you to thrive and grow. Another gift.

Written in 2014, this letter sat on my computer as a reminder of what hard looked like. It eventually became the inspiration for my site, Pride and Grit. Our five deployments have ranged from 4 months to 15 months, totaling 46 months over nine years. Jennifer Pasquale is a military spouse of 13 years, 7 moves, and 5 duty stations. Through her site, Pride & Grit (www.prideandgrit.com), Jennifer is giving life to stories of military hardship from which others can draw strength and inspiration.

Deployments can be so difficult to go through, but the good news is, there is a lot of deployment support out there. Please visit the deployment support section of my blog, and know you are not alone in your military spouse journey.

Your Bookish Gift List For This Holiday Season

by

Your Bookish Gift List For This Holiday Season

Books have an amazing way of transporting us on journeys and adventures that we would never be able to experience if not for these amazing stories. No matter who we are or where we are located in the world, a good book, audiobook, or poem can transform and enhance our everyday experience.

Hopefully, this bookish gift list sparks some ideas for that special book lover in your life.

Your Bookish Gift List For This Holiday SeasonJ.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan is timeless tale for all ages. This tote bag comes in a yellow golden print with a forest green background. Each tote bag in the collection comes in three distinct sizes. They are lined with cotton handles to carry all your books and other sundries to and from the library, bookstore, or wherever you like to read!

Your Bookish Gift List For This Holiday SeasonIf you are looking for a witty and unique shirt that will bring a smile to any book lover’s face, look no further than the Book End T-Shirt. When you try to think about which phrases many books share, ‘Once Upon A Time’ is one that comes easily to mind, but what about ‘The End’? Whether it is a book, novel, or poem, the last lines and the final pages always arrive. The women’s shirts come in sizes XS – 3XL, there are a wide variety of color options to choose from, for this shirt, in particular, there are 14 different color options available.

Your Bookish Gift List For This Holiday SeasonEach design that is available for women is also available in a men’s or unisex sizing. This Typewriter T-Shirt is made for not only the reader, but also the writer in everyone. The typewriter is in a black print and slightly distressed for a vintage look. Each shirt is 100% cotton fabric which wears great over time. There are a few heathered colors, such as the heathered grey that have varying amounts of polyester.

Use the exclusive code SoldiersWifeCrazyLife20 at checkout to receive 20% off on your order! This coupon code does not expire.

Written by Melissa Chan, lifelong book lover and designer at Literary Book Gifts.