Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Children

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

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I remember feeling so torn during our first deployment. I didn’t want to do this Military life thing anymore. I didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. I didn’t want there to be so many pages of my scrapbook where dad was missing.

I started wondering if military life was worth the cost. Was it worth it for my kids to miss so much? I started wondering if despite my husband’s desire to serve, that our family needed to come first and that he shouldn’t do this anymore.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

That missing a child’s birth wasn’t worth it…

That missing their first day of kindergarten wasn’t worth it…

That leaving our kids with a stressed-out mom simply wasn’t fair…

And now all these years later I am still not sure if military life is fair to my children. It might not be. And that is a huge pill to swallow.

I can think about all the benefits of military life. I can think of all the places we have been, all the people we have met, and everything we have learned over the years.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my husband missed almost all of my son’s first year of life. That he will miss things in the future. That we will never get these years back.

Walking away from military life can seem like the right thing to do. To see that ETS date and end the military journey. To ask your spouse to pick another path.

For some, getting out of the military is the right thing to do…

For others, it isn’t that simple.

For some, serving in the military is something they have to do. That the military is a part of them. That the military is in their blood. Walking away isn’t possible.

And for the military spouse of that service member, things can be so complicated. You can’t help but wonder where you stand. You can’t help but wonder why they are okay with all the loss and heartache this life can bring.

But you also know that serving is a part of who they are, and what they have chosen as a career path. You know deep down they ache having to be away from you too. You know that they miss you like you are missing them.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

And when you remember that, when you remember that even though they choose the military, they also chose you, things get a little easier.

And from that, you can get through what comes. You can help your children through military life. You can be there, and be patient, and know that your path is okay.

Your military life may look so different from your own upbringing.

Your military life might be the opposite of what your civilian friends do.

But it’s your military life, for good or for bad.

While you might never be able to answer the question of if military life is fair to your kids, you know your kids will be able to make it through the challenges, with you by their side.

You might never be able to get those years back but the memories you make when you are together are priceless.

You might not ever have a “normal” life because you married a service member, but you are committed to still living a good one, however that looks.

Don’t be afraid to seek out help during this life. I have many different blog posts here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life on deployments, pcsing, and military life in general.

I have a Facebook group, filled with other military spouses who understand.

Check out your local communities to see what is available.

Join your FRG, local MOPS group, or find another way to connect with other military spouses that works for you.

Raising children in the military is, of course, going to be challenging, there is no sense in sugar-coating that. You want the best for your children, and when you realize they are missing out, that doesn’t feel like the best.

You might feel guilty about certain parts of this lifestyle, you might wish you could go back and give them something they missed out on, and you might not ever feel 100% about the choice to be a military family.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

But in the end, if the love of your life is committed to the military, you can be too. No matter how rocky the road might be.

You can find recourses to help, you can be your children’s steady in a world that doesn’t seem so, and you can take everything one day at a time.

As a mom, you will always do what you can to help your children through life. This doesn’t change just because you are a military family. Every family has challenges, the military life might just be yours.

What are your best tips for raising kids in the military?

Greg Lato, Navy Veteran, Family Music Artist, and Children’s Book Author Shares About His Inspiration For Latest Album

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Greg Lato

I am an award-winning family music artist and children’s book author who is highlighting and amplifying the voices of military kids and families with a special new project. I have recorded a children’s music album featuring songs inspired by conversations with military families. The experience of hearing their stories and what they go through was amazing! The album features military kids, active-duty musicians, and veterans.  

The album, titled ‘Dandelion: Songs Inspired by Military Kids and Families, ’ got its name because the dandelion is the official flower of the military child. It represents the resilience and adaptability of military children. The title track features a military kids choir from CAMMO (Center for American Military Music Opportunities) in Virginia. 

I am no stranger to military life, I was an aircraft firefighter on the flight deck of the USS Constellation aircraft carrier in the United States Navy for 4 years.   

As a military veteran, I have learned how important it is for people from many different backgrounds to come together in a meaningful and positive way to navigate change and accomplish a common goal. The song ‘Shine So Bright’ featuring military kids from Portsmouth, Rhode Island School highlights this idea that together we are stronger, it takes a village to be heard, and being brave is our superpower. Like military veteran and spouse Joshua Chiarini said during our conversation with his military family, “Freedom is not free!” The song ‘Bigger Than Me’ features the sentiment about being involved in something bigger than yourself. 

The journey that this project has taken me on has gone beyond my expectations. It has run the gamut of emotions from heartfelt to happy and everywhere in between. There are a lot of themes on the album that are central to the military family experience. Moving from place to place, meeting new friends, constantly being the new kid, dealing with a spouse and parent that is away, and the wonderful support system that they encounter wherever they go. Songs like ‘Home Is Not a Place’ and ‘Hi, I’m New Here!’, a duet with 14-year-old military kid Kaleyana Ludwig, highlight these common experiences. The song ‘Helping Out’, a duet with Iraq War veteran and fellow children’s artist Mr. Pete’s Playhouse, is about the kids helping to hold down the fort at home while a parent is deployed.             

For example, the kids in the Kiser and Rivers families have not stayed in one school for more than a couple of years. They were asked how they deal with the constant change in their young lives, and ultimately, what does home mean to them as a result of it? Whether it is keeping family traditions alive by bringing their Christmas decorations to each location, family game nights, or like Cecilia Rivers says, “Hearing the birds chirp wherever we have lived makes me feel like nothing’s changed.”     

For 11-year-old Elly Clague, who lost her Navy veteran dad to PTSD, she goes to the Dare to Dream therapy ranch, which she calls her ‘happy place’. Riding the horses and interacting with the animals brings her comfort. Elly says, “Getting to bond and hang out with animals, it calms me down and makes me happy.” The song ‘Smile’ was a result of this experience and features two active-duty Navy musicians, Michael Brehm and Justin Lockett, on horns.           

Some songs have nothing to do with the military experience specifically, but are more universal things that the families enjoy, just like any other family. The first single ‘Old School New School’ is about how the parents teach their kids about the old school, while the kids teach their parents about the new school. The music video features 14 military kids! 

My last album ‘Adults These Days’ reached the top 10 on the iTunes Children’s Music Chart. My first children’s album ‘Create My Own World’ has won a Family Choice Award and a Creative Child Award. My songs are featured on Apple Music playlists and have over a million streams! I have also released two children’s books, ‘Try’ and ‘Everybody Needs Someone’. 

Family Music Artist, Children’s Book Author and Navy Veteran Greg Lato

You can find more info about the project at www.greglatodandelion.com. My handle for all socials is @greglatomusic.

When You Are Raising a Military Child

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When You Are Raising a Military Child

They have had to say goodbye to at least one parent, not fully understanding when they will see them again. Not fully understanding where they have to go, or why they have to be away for so long. Not totally getting what it means to serve your country.

They have to say goodbye to the dad that makes them laugh, or the mom who helps them with their homework. To their protector, and one of the people they trust the most. And the goodbye is never an easy one.

They go through deployments, day-by-day, just like we do, but this life was never a choice for them. It was the one they were born into, and the life that they know.

They can get scared, and worried about their deployed parent. War is never easy to understand, and even harder for a child to do so. And as much as we are there to comfort them, we wonder if it is enough. We wonder how much missing a parent, for months at a time, will affect them.

This post contains affliate links!

Deployment Journal for Kids by Rachel Robertson!

They have to start over, every few years, when they might not totally understand why. When they don’t want to go. When you know they will be missing their friends for years to come.

They move with us, and have to start over just like we do. And if they aren’t the ones to be moving this year, some of their friends might have to. There will always be someone PCSing in their friend circle.

One minute they are playing soccer together, laughing about something little boys do. The next, their friend is on an airplane and your heart breaks when they ask if they can still come to their next birthday party.

Our military children, so strong, so resilient, and yet sometimes it feels like we can’t help them enough. That we can’t comfort them enough. That we, alone are not enough.

Some of us raising these kids were military brats and understand what this is like. These parents remember the moves and the goodbyes. Some of us never moved as a child, and always had a parent in the home, not even going away on a business trip. All of this is just a very different way to live.

Every time we move to a new duty station, we pray for friends for our kids. We pray for stability. And we hope for a good experience.

We think about everything thing our military children have been able to experience because their mom or dad serves in the military. We think about how they were able to visit over 10 countries before they even started kindergarten, or how they were born in another country, with stories and pictures to share for years to come.

We think about all the different people they have had the pleasure to meet over the years. They might not remember the family you spent so much time with when they were toddlers, but you do, and you will always have those photos and memories that you can share as your children grow older.

These military children might have to say goodbye more times in their short lives than you ever would have dreamed. But somehow, they get through each and every one. Somehow, you all work together. Somehow.

And while military life can be so difficult sometimes, these military children are the special ones. They are being raised by our nation’s heroes, are involved in such a diverse and amazing community, and will go on to do some amazing things in the future because of it.

Us military spouses are the backbone and the constant in their lives. We won’t deploy, and we will always be there to hold their hands. We can’t replace our spouse, nor would we want to, but we can be the bridge that helps them through, anything that comes their way.

We hope that when our children are grown, they will remember the good. The trip to Disneyland after dad’s deployment, the move to Germany on their 5th birthday, or the community of friends and loved ones that surrounded them when they had to be so far away from their own grandparents and cousins.

We hope that the scary times don’t overshadow the good ones. We hope that they become stronger through all of this. And we know that no matter what, we love them, their service member parent loves them, and the military community will always be there for them, no matter where they go in this world.

It Doesn’t Matter if You Have Small Children, Your Spouse Still Has To Go Away

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It Doesn't Matter if You Have Small Children, Your Husband Still Has to Go

Raising children is one of those things you can’t plan for. You can decide when you want to start having children, but you don’t know when they will come, how many you will have, and what their personalities might be. One baby could be extra fussy and the other quieter. Your easy baby could become a difficult toddler and throw you off your game.

As a military spouse, military life can bring extra challenges. You might wonder if your spouse will even be there for the birth. You might have to say goodbye to them right as the terrible twos start or when you think you need them the most.

The military doesn’t take a pause when you are raising small children.

They won’t hold your spouse back just because you are having trouble potty training your child or because they are still wetting the bed longer than you thought they might. They won’t send them home early because your 1st grader is struggling with reading. They won’t stop the mission because a spouse needs a break from solo parenting.

You see, when you are married to someone who has joined the military, you have to give up your two parent household sometimes. And when that happens, it isn’t always going to be convenient. It doesn’t matter if you have small children, your spouse still has to go and might have to be gone for a while.

It Doesn't Matter if You Have Small Children, Your Husband Still Has to Go

Whatever the situation, as a military family, it will never seem like a good time for your spouse to go away.

You will always feel like you need them. And because of this, you can start to panic. But don’t worry if you do, that is normal.

In a perfect world, our spouse would never have to go. They would be there for every pregnancy craving, every birth, every newborn day, every toddler fit, and every time a child needed both parents in the house. But unfortunately, we live in a military world where they have to go and go often.

If you are feeling the panic of solo parenting, if you are not sure how you will make it through, or if you are worried about going through any stage with your kids by yourself, here are a few things to keep in mind:

You will get creative

One of the first things I have learned about solo parenting with small children is that you will have to get creative. You will figure out ways to make things work in your household. Your life will start to look very different than you thought that your life would, and that’s okay.

They won’t miss everything

Although it might seem like they are going to miss everything having to do with your children, they won’t. They will be home for some things. There will be block leave, where they could have up to a month off, just to spend with their family.

There will be early days, days off, and weekends. When they are home, they will be able to be apart of your family. Although it is so difficult to get over them missing a milestone or a moment you can’t get back with your children, it helps to know that they will be there for other things through the years.

You can find friends who get your life

Finding other military spouses with small children will help you get through the more difficult days of this life. Why? Because they get it.

They understand what having three kids, with no husband coming home at night is like. They understand why you can’t just pack up your one, two, and three years old and fly home for four days for Thanksgiving. They understand cereal for dinner. They get what you are going through.

There are resources to help you

The good news is that there are resources for you while your spouse is gone, and even when they are not. While you won’t be able to find all of these at every duty station, make sure you take a look and see what is going on where you live. Both on post and off.

MOPS, Playgroups, YMCA programs, CYS hourly care, FRG events, New Parent Support, Church groups, Library times, get-togethers with friends, and more can be exactly what you need when you are going through this stage of your life. You don’t have to go through this alone, and you can find things to help.

Is More Flexibility the Best Way to Go?

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This post is sponsored by the Breastfeeding Shop!

The Breastfeeding Shop

I became a SAHM when I had my first baby, almost 20 years ago. During those first few months I was able to spend most of my time being a mom to just him. I didn’t have any other children to worry about.

Fast forward about six years when I had my third baby. I also had a four year old and a six year old. And a deployed husband. Taking all three of them anywhere was a challenge. I literally had my hands full.

It was during those years where I would try to find ways to make life a litter easier. I used a front baby carrier to wear the baby leaving my hands basically free to help with the other two.

When it comes to baby products, portability can be so important, especially when raising multiple children. But there are other factors to think about. At the Breastfeeding Shop, you can find a variety of breast pumps, from a more traditional table top pump to a portable wearable pump. TRICARE covers different types of pumps so you can go with what will work best for you and your lifestyle.

The truth is there are pros and cons to both table top breast pumps and wearable ones. It will boil down to what works best for you. There is a lot to think about.

Benefits of a Wearable Breast Pump

A wearable breast pump such as the Momcozy M5 Wearable Double Breast Pump or the Medela Freestyle Hands-Free Breast Pump is going to be a much more portable option. Whether you need to pump on the go, at work, or just around the house, a wearable pump is going to give you the flexibility to do so. With a wearable pump you don’t have all the tubing and you don’t have to be plugged in to use it. The wearable pump also weighs less.

Benefits of a Table Top Breast Pump

A more table top breast pump such as a Spectra S2 Breast Pump or a Medela Pump In Style With Max Flow Tech Basic has its own benefits. These types of pumps might be best for those who are exclusively pumping. They have a stronger motor, and can fully empty your breast. They might be what you need to feed your baby.

A Free Breast Pump

If you are pregnant, or even if you have already had your baby, and you have TRICARE, you should be able to get a free breast pump from the Breastfeeding Shop. You can qualify for a new breast pump for each and every birth event. That means you either gave birth to a baby or have adopted one and plan to breastfeed them.

The Breastfeeding Shop is the best place to order your free breast pump and supplies from. The Breastfeeding Shop is a family owned business who offers a range of supplies for whatever a new mom or a breastfeeding mom needs to nourish their babies.

To get your breast pump with insurance, you can fill out a form right on the Breastfeeding Shop website. Make sure you have your prescription handy. While they can contact your doctor to obtain it, providing it yourself will make the process much easier.

They have many different breast pumps to choose from. So whether you decide on a wearable breast pump for flexibility, or would rather have a more traditional pump, you can get something perfect for your baby and your lifestyle.

Preparing For Baby With a New Breast Pump

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This is a sponsored post!

Preparing For Baby With a New Breast Pump

Having a baby changes your life, whether they are your first child or your fifth. Whenever you add to your family, you change the dynamic and end up asking yourself the question, “What do I really need to prepare for this baby?”

When we got pregnant with our third child, we had a three and five year old, and didn’t have a lot of baby stuff. We had gone through a few PCS moves since they were babies, and had gotten rid of a lot of baby items. We had to ask ourselves, what do we need and what can we live without?

I remember going to yard sales, letting family know what we needed, and shopping for sales to find a few deals. There is a lot to do to get ready for a new baby.

You probably need to buy a crib for them to sleep in, diapers and wipes, and of course a carseat. You also need to think about feeding the baby. What will you need to make breastfeeding more successful? A nice nursing chair, and a quiet space is important. Buy beyond that, you could get a breast pump.

The good news is, as a military spouse or service member with TRICARE, you do not have to buy a breast pump. That’s right. TRICARE covers breast pumps. One for each and every baby.

Although this benefit started after I had my last child, I know it would have been an amazing thing to have had back when I was getting ready for my babies.

TRICARE will cover a breast pump, breast pump supplies, and breastfeeding counseling at no cost to the mom.

Who qualifies for a breast pump?

All TRICARE eligible female beneficiaries with a birth event qualify for a breast pump. A birth event is a pregnancy or someone who legally adopts and plans to breastfeed. This is valid for each baby you may have. All TRICARE plans and all sponsor status qualify for this benefit.

What about breastmilk bags and accessories?

In addition to the breast pump, you will also receive 1 breast pump kit per birth event. These other accessories are also included in the benefit:

  • Breastmilk storage bags – 100 bags come with the pump and you can get 100 more every 30 days.
  • Standing power adapters
  • Locking rings
  • Bottles
  • Bottle caps
  • Valves/membranes
  • Supplemental Nursing System (SNS)
  • Nipple shields/splash protectors

You can qualify for more quantities of supplies with a prescription from your doctor when medically necessary.

The Breastfeeding Shop ships across the United States, and Overseas APOs, FPOs, and DPOs.

Where can you get a breast pump and order supplies?

The best place to order your free breast pump and supplies is from the Breastfeeding Shop. The Breastfeeding Shop is a family owned business who offers a range of supplies for whatever a new mom or a breastfeeding mom needs to nourish their babies.

They have a wide range of breastfeeding accessories, products, storage products, breast pumps, breast pump accessories, and more. They ship throughout the US, as well as overseas locations with APO, FPO, and DPO addresses.

What breast pumps does the Breastfeeding Shop offer?

You can head on over to their Breast Pump page to see what they have to offer as far as breast pumps for military moms. They have many to choose from based on your needs and what you are looking for in a breast pump.

How do I order my breast pump and supplies?

To get your breast pump with insurance, you can fill out a form right on the Breastfeeding Shop website. Make sure you have your prescription handy. While they can contact your doctor to obtain it, providing it yourself will make the process much easier.

If you are expecting a new baby, you might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the decisions you need to make. If you are curious about a breast pump, take the time to head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop. They should be able to help!

And remember, you can qualify for a new breast pump for each and every birth event.

7 Things You Can Do With Your Kids When Your Spouse Isn’t Home On The Weekend

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7 Things You Can Do With Your Kids When Your Spouse Isn't Home On The Weekend

When your spouse is away, the weeks might be a bit easier for you if you have small children at home. They have school or playdates. You have your routines. You have things to keep you busy.

However, once the weekend comes, it might just be a different story. Having your spouse gone during the weekends whether they are deployed, gone for training, CQ, or have a job that takes them away is very difficult. What works during the week might not work on Saturday and Sunday.

Most of the time, the weekends are family time. From BBQing to going out to eat together to exploring your city, for most people the weekends are time off from work and a time to connect as a family. With social media, you are very much reminded of this, even if you don’t want to think about it.

The key to getting through a deployment is staying busy, but the weekends can be a bit of a struggle with finding the balance between staying busy and not doing too much. You might have kids that need some downtime from a busy week. You might need that downtime to sit and chill.

Finding that balance isn’t always easy and finding at least one or two things to do during the weekend is probably a good idea during any time of separation with little kids. They need to get their energy out in some way.

Here are some great ideas for activities you can do with your kids if your spouse is gone on the weekends:

1) Get together with a friend whose spouse is away too. This can be hard when you don’t live in a Military town but still, ask around. Someone’s spouse could be away for work or for some other reason. Some spouses work weekends and although they are home at night, they can’t make any plans with them either.

Getting together with a friend is also a great way for your kids to stay busy and have fun with other children. Invite them over or get together at a park to keep it simple.

2) Attend a community event. Every community usually has something going on you can go to. Here in the Ft. Campbell area, there are usually at least 2-3 events going on either on post or off that we can choose from. Sometimes they can get canceled for the weather but more often than not there is always somewhere fun to take the kids. Even if you go for just an hour or two, getting out of the house and into the community can be worth it.

3) Go for a long walk or bike ride. This can usually be done as a solo parent depending on the ages of your kids. If they are young enough, put them in a stroller and go. I once went on a 5-hour walk when my boys were very young and just took them out in the double stroller. Five hours was a bit much but that long walk was a great way to pass the time. We saw so many fun things along the way.

4) Dollar Store Shopping. I did this during Spring Break but doing this can work on a boring weekend too. Give each child $1, take them to the dollar store and let them pick out something to play with. Giving them that money gives them a chance to make a decision, it’s a lot of fun and then they will be busy the rest of the afternoon or even into the next day. Usually, the toys they pick won’t last too long but they only cost a dollar.

5) Go to the movies. This one can get a little more expensive than you might want. If you are lucky enough to have a cheap theater in your area, take advantage of it. Find a movie that all of your children will enjoy and go. The kids will love getting out to the movies and you can help keep the “I’m so lonely and sad” feelings away.

6) Call your mom or a friend. Sometimes when the weekend gets too hard, I like to call my mom. She can always make me feel better and catching up with her is always a nice thing to do. If you can’t call your mom, try a friend or another family member. Even if you just talk for a little bit, the conversation can change the tone of your whole day.

7) Go to the park. Parks are really the best when you have little kids. Most parks are free. If you live on post, you already know you have access to many of the. Don’t forget the snacks! Your kids can get out their energy, and maybe even make friends. And you can always stop for ice cream on the way home.

I hope if you are feeling the lonely weekend coming on you can pick something from this list to keep you going. Bring a camera with you and take some pictures to share with your service member. You all will have fun and they will enjoy seeing what you guys have been up to while they are away.

Do you struggle with weekends too?

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

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Happy to have this guest post by Becca! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

Being a military spouse is a hard job. Being a parent of teens is even harder. When deployments come, and you’re left to parent teenagers on your own, it can feel like going into battle with only a popsicle stick as a weapon. Teenagers aren’t as scary as they sound, as long as you know what to do when the going gets rough. Deployments represent an extraordinary chance to connect with your teens and strengthen your bond.

A Note About Teenagers

We were warned about the teenage years. Everyone told us they would be terrible – that our kids would run amok, be defiant, and skip school. While those things do sometimes happen, I’m here to tell you that, by and large, teenagers are awesome. 

In their teen years, our kids grow into themselves. We get to see glimpses of the adults they will become. It’s a wonderful time for meaningful conversations about life, the world, and your child’s place in it. And let’s not forget that teenagers are self-sufficient: they sleep until noon if you let them, do their own laundry, and once they get a driver’s license, you can have them stop at the grocery store on the way home from school. 

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Teens face very real, very scary problems: societal pressures, mental health challenges, bullying, drugs, alcohol, sex. I’d take potty training and tantrums any day over having to navigate some of the issues my teens have faced.

Being a Teenager in a Military Family

Military kids aren’t immune from typical teenage problems. In fact, they face even greater challenges because they are military kids: constantly moving from one school to the next, saying goodbye to friends at a pivotal time in their lives, and living without one or both parents for months on end. During a deployment, those typical teenage problems seem even more significant to our kids. 

As the parent left behind, we often take on the brunt of their pain, anger, and sadness. Guiding teenagers through a parent’s deployment can feel like a monumental task, but it is not impossible. With enough careful planning, love, and outside support, you can help your teens cope during a deployment. 

Take Care of Yourself First

We hear it all the time as military spouses: you have to take care of yourself first. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” they tell us. “You have to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” All cheesy cliches aside, self-care is vital, especially during emotionally exhausting times of life. Teenagers can be super wonderful most of the time, but they are also challenging at others.

Your energy isn’t infinite. To have enough energy to support your teens when they struggle, you have to recharge first. Start by carving out some time for yourself. 

Keep Them Talking

Teenagers might act like they don’t need us (and they might even believe they don’t). However, in these formative years, parental guidance is crucial. When one parent is deployed, half of our kids’ parenting support system is gone for months at a time. 

Be intentional about creating and maintaining open communication. Getting a teen to open up about thoughts and feelings isn’t always easy, but the tips in this link can help you start a dialogue. Let them know that you are a safe space, that your teen can tell you anything, without judgment – and mean it. 

Secondly, before a deployment, have your spouse create a communication plan with your teen. Maybe it’s an online game that your teen and your spouse can play together across the miles. Perhaps it’s a weekly phone call solely between your spouse and your teens. Encourage your kids to keep a journal of things they want to tell their deployed parent. Then, during that scheduled call, they’ll have lots to talk about.

Encourage External Support

Teens value the opinions of their peers. Often, they’ll listen to their peers long before they listen to adults. The trick is to guide your teens toward healthy, positive friendships that strengthen their mental and emotional health.

Military kids face specific challenges that only other military kids can truly understand. If your child doesn’t have any military-associated friends, encourage them to seek out groups of military peers. Connecting with other military kids can help your teen feel less alone. 

If your child struggles to find others who understand, suggest the following:

  • School groups with like-minded people. Many military communities have after-school programs that connect military kids.
  • Contact the School Liaison Officer on your campus. This person can help direct your child towards support programs for teens with deployed parents. 
  • Online groups, such as Military Kids Connect. Many teens feel more comfortable opening up online than they do in person. Of course, be sure to monitor these online groups and ensure everyone stays safe.

If your child is genuinely struggling with mental or emotional health, contact your medical professional. You might also reach out to on-post mental health services, such as the completely free Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) representative on your installation. Some locations have MFLCs that work specifically with children and teens. Many therapists off-post also take Tricare insurance, giving your child access to a great network of mental health professionals at no cost. 

Stay Busy

During a deployment, days can often feel twice as long. Staying busy helps the time pass quickly, and it helps keep you and your teens connected. Sit down together and brainstorm ideas for a “deployment bucket list.” Include places to go, things to do, and unique experiences to do together while your spouse is deployed. Then, choose at least one item from that list to complete each week.

You can also encourage your teens to stay busy with after-school activities, sports, time with friends, and pursuing new hobbies. Fill your days – and theirs – with mental stimulation and physical activity. Staying busy not only helps the deployment go by faster, but it also gives you and your teen an outlet to release your emotional and mental stress.

Lower Your Expectations

We sometimes forget that our teenagers aren’t mini-adults. They’re still kids. And they’re kids dealing with very real emotions about their deployed parent. Cut your kids some slack during deployment and lower your expectations. Mental health is always more important than an “A” on the science test.

Even in the best of circumstances, parenting teens can be tough. Adding a deployment to the equation sometimes makes it feel impossible. Take it one day at a time. Take care of yourself. And love your kids hard. Eventually, that deployment countdown will hit zero, and you’ll be a stronger family because you faced this hardship together.  

Becca Stewart is an Air Force Spouse, mother of two, freelance writer, and sufferer of Wanderlust. Originally from Colorado, she enjoys anything outdoors, especially if there’s snow involved. She is a travel fanatic, always looking for her next great adventure. As a full-time writer, Becca works closely with several nonprofit organizations and is a passionate advocate for human rights and military families. She is Mom to two incredible kids, one teen, and one young adult. Together, they’ve been through four deployments and countless TDYs.  Learn more at writebecca.com.  Website Facebook LinkedIn