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Deployment

Embracing Strength and Love: 20 Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

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Embracing Strength and Love: 20 Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

One of the biggest things you can do for yourself during deployment is figure out what you can tell yourself when you hit a low point. Little reminders, quotes, and inspiration can go a long way in helping you get through this time apart. There is something about reminding yourself why you can do this, or even how you can make it through can turn your deployment day around.

If you need some ideas, here is a list of 20 inspirational quotes for military spouses to use during deployment.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“In the face of adversity, we have a choice. We can be bitter, or we can be better.” – Maya Angelou

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll

“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“Success is not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” – Zoë Saldana

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” – Roy T. Bennett

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” – Dolly Parton

“No matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and realize your struggles changed your life for the better.” – Unknown

“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” – Jean de La Bruyère

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” – Brian Tracy

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” – H.G. Wells

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

Jealousy, When You Are a Military Spouse

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Jealousy, When You Are a Military Spouse

During my time as a military spouse, I have experienced a variety of emotions. Happiness during homecoming. Sadness during a deployment. Getting excited about a new duty station or promotion. Loneliness when a friend moves away.

There are a lot of different emotions we feel during the time that our spouse is serving in the Military. One emotion that we can feel, even if we don’t want to, is jealousy.

Jealousy can happen when you least expect it. Jealousy can happen over a deployment schedule, a promotion, a pcs, or just life in general. You can be happy for someone and still feel that green-eyed monster creep up. When you are waiting for something to happen, and that very thing you are waiting for happens to someone else, you can feel jealousy coming up.

I have felt this way over the years. I feel bad when I do. I have felt this way when I felt like my husband was always deploying and others were not.

I have felt this way when someone else seemed to be holding it together better than I was.

I have felt this way over little silly things that I would never want to share with anyone.

Jealousy happens, but what we do with those feelings is what really matters.

One big lesson I have learned over the years is that military life simply isn’t fair. Some people deploy more than others. Promotions don’t always happen even if it feels like they should and some people get better duty stations than others.

Sometimes you are going to be surrounded by good friends and other times you will be the lonely one still trying to make new friends since your old friends moved away. Military life can often be one big cycle.

Some years are going to be better than others. That is the nature of Military life.

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

If you are feeling jealous of someone else, know that it can happen, especially in Military spouse life when we know so much about what other people are doing. When our community is so small.

Maybe your spouse just left again, and theirs just got home, and that is causing you to feel jealous. Think about the times when you were experiencing what they were. Think about how you will be in their place in the future.

Try not to let everything get to you and remember that by the time you are getting ready for homecoming, they could be getting ready to send their spouse off again. You never really know.

Think about everything you have and all the amazing experiences you have been through in the past. Remember that even if it feels like everyone else has more than you do, others have less.

Try not to let jealousy rule you. Focus on what is going well in your life and work on what you don’t like. Let go of anything you don’t have control over. It simply isn’t worth your energy if you can’t do anything about it anyway.

The feeling of jealousy can creep up on you, but you don’t have to let jealousy win. Take a step back, write about what you are feeling in your journal, and know that seasons change all the time during military life. One moment you are in the midst of another deployment and the other you are on a family vacation celebrating their return.

Do you ever struggle with jealousy? What do you do about it when the green-eyed monster hits?

As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

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As Military Spouses, What Happens in the World Can Hit Us Hard

As military spouses, what happens in the world can hit us hard.

As we turn on our TV or log in to our social media account, we see another situation that will likely require the military to step in, deploy, and serve in the way they have been trained to do.

We wonder what this will mean for our own spouse. Will they have to go? Will they be gone a while? Will they be safe?

We just don’t know what will happen and we can get pretty freaked out by it all.

Some say this is what our spouses signed up for, but the reality is, we can never really know what a military career will look like.

By marrying a service member, we start a new journey.

Will it lead us to amazing places? Will we find our community? Will we be challenged beyond anything we could ever imagine?

Yes! Yes! And Yes!

Military life means deployments and moving, probably too often. It means going days, sometimes longer without being able to talk to the person we love. It means sitting back and having to wait to see what will happen next.

As the country tries to figure out what is going on overseas, we sit there knowing that if it isn’t our spouse going over there right now, it is someone else’s. If it isn’t our soldier leaving soon, it will be someday. And we know how hard these types of things can hit the military community as a whole.

I can tell you to stay strong, but the tears might still come. I can tell you not to worry, but there is so much to worry about. I can tell you to depend on your friends, and maybe that is the only thing you can do right now.

As I watch what is happening in the news, I wonder what is to come. Will this be another Iraq? Will this not be quite as bad as we think it might be? What is going to happen?

I wish we could see the future so we know what is ahead. I wish we could plan everything for the next five years. But the reality is no one really can, and as military spouses, we can’t know which way the tide will turn. We don’t know what all of it means for our spouse.

We have to just stay strong, as much as we can. We have to reach out when things feel a little too much. We can’t let all the little comments get to us, because let’s face it, not everyone is going to say the right thing.

This is an emotional time. There are many different viewpoints about what we should do, even within the military community. There are many different ways this could go.

There are so many things you will go through as a military spouse. Maybe your spouse will only serve for a few years, and you will look back at this time as the “Army years.” Maybe your spouse will serve over 30 years, and deployments are going to be a part of the memories of your life together. Whatever the case, saying goodbye to your spouse is never easy, especially when you are unsure of where they are going off to.

I can remember sitting with my friends and our kids at a McDonald’s in Germany. Our husbands, who had been deployed for over a year, were being extended. This seemed impossible. It seemed like something that couldn’t possibly happen.

But it did…

And as heartbreaking as that news was, as hard as the next few months were, somehow we got through that long deployment. Somehow we made it through those unsteady days.

When I see the articles about service members being deployed because of this new threat, I feel so much for their families.

For the new spouse, who didn’t think this would happen so soon.

For the seasoned spouse who thought this last year of military life was going to be uneventful.

To those who have been through this before and to those who have no experience with a long separation.

Know that we see you, and we have your back. The days won’t always be easy, but you have people praying for you. You have people who get it. You have people in your corner.

No matter what happens today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month, know you are not alone. We have each other. And that is something we can depend on!

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You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!

When Military Life Breaks You

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Military life is hard, we all know that. Military families have to deal with so many challenges. Military children do too. Military spouses have to take on pretty much everything and sometimes the stress can feel like too much.

Sometimes the deployments are just too close together or they are too long or there is just too much loneliness because of frequent moves. Sometimes military life breaks you.

What do you do if you are in a place where it feels like too much? What can you do if you feel broken? You know you are not going to walk away from your spouse but you know you need to do something.

You know how important their military career is, but you feel like you can’t keep going on like this. You are lost and just not sure what you can do to get through the next few months or years until military life is over.

1) Get Back To Your Faith. No matter what religion you follow, you do put your faith in something. Cling to it. Pray. Meditate. Grow in your faith.

Try to find a good place to go each week. Look at what your post or base has to offer. Look online to see what you can discover locally. Write in a journal, sing, go for long walks. Find a way to find some peace in the midst of this lifestyle.

2) Don’t be afraid to get help. Sometimes the best thing to do is call for help. Find someone you can talk with. Someone you can talk to about what is going on. Someone that won’t judge and someone who can give you some good advice on how to deal with what you are dealing with.

If you feel like you need some extra help you can find a Military Family Life Consultant to talk with or make an appointment with a local provider. Tricare will cover up to 8 sessions without needing a referral. Just call up the provider and let them know you have Tricare and they should be able to help you from there. I had to do this during our 4th deployment and doing so was worth the time.

3) Let Things Go. Seriously. Let it go. Don’t worry about what isn’t important. Some of what you stress about matters, and some of what you stress about doesn’t matter at all.

Let go of trying to be a perfect military spouse. For one thing, no one is a perfect military spouse and you will drive yourself crazy trying to be one. Do what you can each day and let the rest of everything go.

4) Depend on your friends. If someone offers to babysit, let them. If someone offers to mow your lawn, let them. If someone wants to bring you dinner, let them.

Get together with friends. Make dates with them. Join them for coffee or a playdate. Invite them over for dinner. Friends will get you through, even if they don’t 100% understand what you are currently dealing with.

If someone is making you feel bad, let them go. Surround yourself with supportive people. If you don’t have any local friends, join a club, playgroup or even start one yourself. Find something you enjoy doing and look for others that enjoy that too.

5) Make Time For Yourself. Read that book. Watch that movie. Start writing your book.

Make a list of all the things that make you happy. When you get really upset, start going down your list. Try to surround yourself with things you enjoy.

You might have to work ten hours a day. You might be with kids from 6 am to 8 pm. But whatever time you have for yourself, enjoy every minute of that time. Even just 30 minutes a day can help. 

Making time for yourself as a military spouse is very important. Even something as simple as picking up some flowers and putting them in a vase on your kitchen table can help with your mood.

We can’t change a lot of what military life is going to bring. There will be deployments and trainings and too many goodbyes. There will be lonely nights and tearful goodbyes.

However, when you are a military spouse, you have to figure out a way to make it through. Even when you feel like military life is breaking you. Do what you can to figure out how to get to a better place. This will help your spouse in their career and will help you in living a fuller military life.

Join my email list and receive a free Guide for your first 30 days of deployment! 

When Military Life Breaks You

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

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On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

I wrote this post a day before my husband left on his 4th deployment. No OPSEC rules have been broken.

This is the last day. How did this happen so fast? The deployment was coming up for so long and now the day is almost here. He is at work. They have him at work the day before he goes. Why Army why? You get him for the next nine months, why can’t I have him all day today?

I just want to freeze time…but then I don’t. I want time to move forward, but I don’t want to have to spend all that time without him.

Nine months. Maybe more. Maybe less. I will take each day at a time, each hour, if I have to.

Some days will be good. We will have fun, and we won’t miss him quite as much. Other days will be hard. There will be a lot of tears, and Homecoming will feel so far away.

Will he be ok? Will we see him again? These are the questions I have to ask. I have to. Not everyone comes home from war. Most likely, he will. The odds are in our favor. But still…I wonder. Is this it? Is this all we have?

I dread tomorrow. D day. The day he leaves.

The driving to drop him off. The last kiss. The last hug. Watching the person I tell everything to walk away is heartbreaking. Knowing they will be in danger is terrifying. Thinking about living apart makes me bawl.

Deployment #4. How did we get here? How is it possible? It hasn’t even been TWO years yet. Uh!

So many emotions. So many feelings.

I dread the first day. I walk around the house, looking at his stuff—from the coffeemaker he won’t be using for a while to his clothes that won’t be worn until next year. I remember how the night before he left, we sat together and watched that one movie, how just a couple of days ago we were out back BBQing together, and how last year at this time, we were getting ready for a family trip to California.

I think about how much he will miss.

Summer. The start of school. Birthdays. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. All that comes with the holiday season. The snow might come, and he will still be over there.

I think about what I will focus on to get through: my boys, my blog, my garden, my books.

I wonder how much I will grow as a person. I wonder how much he will grow.

How will we be different? Will we struggle to connect again? Will this be the deployment that breaks us?

As I sit here, the day before my husband has to go, all I can feel is dread. Knowing that this time tomorrow, I will be in tears. But also knowing that this time tomorrow is one day closer to his returning, and our countdown can begin.

Have you just started a deployment? If so, check out my other blog posts on deployment and make sure to join my Facebook support group. 

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

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I can still remember driving up to where we would drop off my husband. Other wives and children were already there. There were so many people standing around, worried and sad.  Soon, it was time to say goodbye. This was it.

He was really leaving. After we said our goodbyes, he kissed me and our 2-year-old goodbye, and he went to the gate. There, the men waited for what seemed like forever. Then they headed for the bus. I waited with the other wives.

And then waited some more. Then we saw the buses. They pulled out from where they were parked, with our husbands inside. The buses went right by us, and we waved. Then we cried. This was it. My first deployment. How was I going to make it through?

Somehow, I did just that. I got through this deployment. My husband left for Iraq for the first time in August 2006. 18 years have passed since that day and yet that day is still so fresh in my mind. I can still remember how I felt when he got on that bus when he said goodbye to us and started to walk away.

You won’t ever forget a deployment, and you are never going to forget your first deployment. You just don’t know how things are going to go, and you have no experience sending your spouse off to war.

Here are 15 tips for surviving your first deployment…

1. Find your battle buddies- You will need people to walk through this deployment with. They don’t necessarily have to be going through a deployment, too, but that helps. Having people to make plans with and go to on a regular basis during the deployment is going to help you a lot. If you don’t have any friends at your current duty station, see what you can do to get yourself out there to try to make some. They will make the deployment a little bit easier.

2. Invest in a journal- I love journaling. Doing so regularly can be good for you, especially during a deployment. Getting your thoughts out and doing a bit of a brain dump can be helpful when you can’t sleep or if you are feeling really anxious.

3. Remember, this is temporary– During my deployments, I would remind myself that the deployment was temporary. That feeling alone was temporary. That I would not always have to miss my husband and that he would be home after so many days. That the deployment ache I was feeling was only going to be around for a temporary amount of time.

4. Go Home—Going home for a deployment might be a good option for you. There are many factors to consider when making this decision. Consider whether going home would be good for you or if staying where you are would be best.

5. Ignore advice that doesn’t work for you- There are a lot of books and blog posts out there about deployments, and this is one of them. It’s okay if you read advice about how to survive a deployment and either don’t agree or don’t think the advice would work for you. We are all our own people and what works for one person might not work for another. Read the advice and find what will work for you.

6. Don’t stress the small stuff—Let it go. If you find yourself being stressed about little things, let them go. During a deployment, you will be more stressed out. You will be playing the role of both mom and dad, and you simply don’t have the time or patience to deal with little things. This might mean having to let something go or having to find new people to hang out with if your current friend circle is causing too much drama.

7. See what your post or base offers- You should take the time to look on your military post or military base to see what activities or programs they have available to you. As a deployed spouse, there might be certain benefits such as free babysitting or events and you will want to take part in them.

8. You are stronger than you think- You might not feel very strong at the moment. There might be too many days left to get through but you are stronger than you think and you can usually get through situations you never thought you could. Military life will make you a stronger person.

9. You are not the only one- However you are feeling during the deployment, know that you are not alone. There are other spouses out there feeling the same way that you are.

10. Not everyone is going to understand- The truth is, not everyone is going to understand how you are feeling during a deployment. Some spouses don’t struggle as much with deployments, and civilian friends might not know what it is like to live without a spouse. You should find people that let you be yourself during a deployment and stay away from those that bring you down.

11. Cry it out- Feel like you need to cry? Do so. Have a good cry and let everything out. Doing so will help you get through your day. Crying does not mean you are not strong. Crying is one way to release your emotions and doing so can be a good thing.

12. Be trustworthy- When you are away from your spouse you both need to be able to trust one another. Be a spouse that your husband can trust. Be there for them and let them know you are standing by while they do their job overseas. This will make the deployment a little easier on them and easier on you.

13. Don’t worry about the next one- Sometimes you will hear about the next deployment during your current deployment. Try not to let that bother you. That is in the future and you will have plenty of time to worry about that deployment then. In some cases, that future deployment might not happen. Try to just focus on the now and not worry about what will come in the months or years to come.

14. Get creative- Deployments can bring out your creativity. Design something, plan a trip, or just have extra fun with your kids. This will make the deployment go by a little faster.

15. Seek help if needed- In the end, if you are really struggling, seek help. You can see a counselor or a Chaplain. Don’t feel bad for having to do this. Going through a deployment can bring up a lot of emotions and you might struggle to know how to handle all of them. You can visit Military One Source for more information.

What tip would you give someone on surviving their first deployment?

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment