Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Embracing Strength and Love: 20 Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Embracing Strength and Love: 20 Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

One of the biggest things you can do for yourself during deployment is figure out what you can tell yourself when you hit a low point. Little reminders, quotes, and inspiration can go a long way in helping you get through this time apart. There is something about reminding yourself why you can do this, or even how you can make it through can turn your deployment day around.

If you need some ideas, here is a list of 20 inspirational quotes for military spouses to use during deployment.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“In the face of adversity, we have a choice. We can be bitter, or we can be better.” – Maya Angelou

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll

“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“Success is not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” – Zoë Saldana

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” – Roy T. Bennett

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” – Dolly Parton

“No matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and realize your struggles changed your life for the better.” – Unknown

“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” – Jean de La Bruyère

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” – Brian Tracy

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” – H.G. Wells

There is Something So Beautiful About a Holiday Homecoming.

by 1 Comment

There is Something So Beautiful About a Holiday Homecoming.

The morning was cold but being that it was December in Tennessee, not a big surprise. When we arrived at the hanger, I knew this would be different than our last deployment, which ended on a hot day in July. Our deployment was over and I only had to wait a few more hours until my husband would be in my arms again.

This 4th deployment had been one of the hardest. I was so glad that the deployment was going to end. What made things even better was that my husband was coming home about a week before Christmas. That felt so magical.

That year, we had the best Christmas ever. That year we didn’t have to miss him. We didn’t have to worry anymore.

We weren’t lonely and we were together. We didn’t have to experience the deployment ache over Christmas and we fully enjoyed the holidays together again. Although in the back of our minds we couldn’t help but remember Christmas spent apart, and how difficult that was.

There is something so beautiful about a holiday homecoming.

Knowing that the deployment will end and that you will be celebrating the holidays together instead of apart.

Knowing that you won’t have to wake up Christmas morning or start Hanukkah alone.

Knowing that they will be there to wish you Happy New Year.

There is something so very beautiful about all of that…

There is nothing quite like a holiday homecoming. To be together again during the time of year you want to be with your family the most. To know that you finished a deployment and the strength that it brings you.

As I stood out watching the runaway on that December day, I remember being so cold. But that didn’t matter. The best part was watching that plane land, watching my husband walk down the steps, and knowing he would be in my arms again soon.

I knew I still had so many things to do to prepare for Christmas. Time doesn’t stop just because your spouse is coming home from a deployment. But knowing that I would no longer be waiting for him while wrapping presents and getting all the last-minute holiday things done felt refreshing.

There is something so beautiful about a holiday homecoming.

If you are lucky enough to be getting ready for one, know that you will be in for a treat. All homecomings are amazing, but having one so close to the holidays will allow this homecoming to have a special place in your heart. One you will associate with holiday cheer and the wonder of the season.

Whether there is snow on the ground in upstate New York or the sun on your back in Hawaii, there is nothing quite like a holiday homecoming. Having your spouse return just in time for the magic will put a smile on your face. Having your spouse home for the festivities is a wonderful thing.

Have you ever had a holiday homecoming?

5 Important Things to Celebrate During a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Another deployment day has arrived. Big deal, right? Each day drags into the next. One after the other.

It can be easy to get stuck in a deployment. To focus on how much time you have left, and what you are missing. But celebrating the small wins can go a long way toward helping you through that time apart. Here are a few things you can celebrate during your spouse’s next deployment.

1) First month down

Let’s face it, the first and last months of a deployment are the hardest. That first month especially. You might find yourself walking around the house, missing every part of your spouse. It can be draining.

But once you hit that one-month mark, something happens. You can see you are one month down. Even with so many more to go, that’s an accomplishment.

2) Personal wins

Deployments are a great time to work on your own personal goals. So celebrate when you complete one of them, no matter what it is. Maybe you wanted to start exercising, and now you are in a great routine of it. Maybe you wanted to go back to school, and you just signed up. Maybe you wanted to read 50 books this year, and you just finished that goal. Whatever it is, celebrate!

3) First time doing something alone, you usually don’t do

I am sure there are things you are used to doing with your spouse that you now have to do alone. Maybe it is grocery shopping, maybe it is driving back to your hometown. That first time might be a little scary, but celebrate it when you do it. No matter what it is.

Deployments will force you out of your comfort zone. You will have to do things you don’t usually have to do. Celebrate when you do.

4) When you find your people

Finding people to do deployments with is so important. But sometimes, that takes some time. But once you do, there will be a moment when you realize you have found your people.

You might be sitting at a coffee shop, you might be at a park watching your kids play, and then it will hit you, “these are my people,” and what a special feeling that is.

5) The halfway mark

Knowing when you have reached the exact middle of deployment might be impossible, since dates keep changing. Once we thought they would be home in June, and they got home in November instead. But you will probably hit a point where you know you have already hit the top of that deployment mountain.

When you know that you have gone through more days than you have left, and you can celebrate that. It’s a significant deployment milestone. Have a get-together with your friends, organize a potluck, and celebrate how far you have all come.

It might feel like there is nothing to celebrate about a deployment, but there is if you look for it.

celebrating the small wins can go a long way toward helping you through that time apart.

Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

by

Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no one was stirring, except one military spouse.

She knew what tonight was but wasn’t feeling the cheer; her husband of 12 years was simply not here.

He was serving his country on deployment #4; she simply couldn’t wait until April, when he would walk through the door.

Her kids were in bed, excited for the morning; they didn’t want to go despite her stern warning.

She looked at a picture taken last year when he was home beside her, and she didn’t have much to fear.

But this year was different, and he was far away, but she still wanted to try to have a wonderful Christmas day.

She put on some music, and finished her last chore, she loved her sweet family, down to the core.

Christmas was special and a time to love, and she would get through this deployment, with help from above.

Her husband was deployed, and that made her sad, but thinking of her children Christmas morning made her heart very glad.

She turned out the light and headed to bed, loving the lights of the tree, both green and red.

As hard as it was, she found her inner strength; she could handle this deployment, no matter the length.

Solo parenting was hard, and she hated missing him, but she knew in the end, it wasn’t so grim.

She had her friends and her children by her side and would take this deployment day by day, even if she sometimes cried.

Because one day in April, would be homecoming day, and she would load up her children in her van, not a sleigh.

And they would head to the gym, where they would need to wait, with the other spouses and children on this very important date.

As a military spouse, we can spend Christmas alone, but we do what we can to warm up our home.

She would spot him right away, standing in the crowd, and when it was time they would run to him proud.

So if you are a military spouse, with your love far away, I want you to know you will get through Christmas Day.

It might not be exactly like before, but Christmas has magic you just can’t ignore.

Merry Christmas to all and know that it’s true, you got this military spouse, you absolutely do.

When the Holidays Don’t Feel Like the Holidays

by

When the Holidays Don't Feel Like the Holidays

The holidays are here! You want to be excited, you want to go all-in, but…what do you do when your spouse is deployed? When they are off to some other part of the world too many miles from where you are? What do you do when you just don’t feel like doing Christmas? When you just don’t feel like setting anything up? When you just want the holidays to be over so you will be closer to homecoming and seeing your spouse again?

When your spouse is deployed during this time of year, the holidays don’t always feel like the holidays. You might want to skip them altogether, or just wish away time to the new year when the holidays are over. You might not be feeling like you even have much to celebrate. But you do.

I think most military spouses will go through this at one time or another.

Here are some ideas to help if you are feeling like the holidays and not the holidays this year:

Don’t pressure yourself 

One of the biggest issues with social media is comparing yourself to other families. And this seems to get worse during the holidays. The thing is, you don’t have to do things the way others do.

Is there something that overwhelms you at the thought of having to do it? Don’t. Or maybe there is something you normally do with help from your spouse, and you simply don’t have the energy to do so this year. That’s okay too.

Find what works for your family and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. Take the pressure off yourself. Your holiday season will be much easier that way.

Add a new tradition

Why not try a new tradition this year? Something for you and your kids to get excited about. Are you stationed overseas? If so, why not adopt a tradition of the country you are stationed in? Adding something new can be just what you need to get excited about this holiday season, even if your spouse is deployed.

Plan for celebrating later

If your spouse is coming home early in the new year, you could always save the celebrating for then. If you have very small children or no children, this can work well. Older, school-age children might have trouble with this so you could have a small celebration with plans for a bigger one later. As military families, we have to be flexible and this is one way to do so during a deployment.

Fake it until you make it

Sometimes you simply have to fake it until you make it. Make a list of all the holiday things you normally do and try to work on a few a day, even if you don’t feel like it. Getting started with getting ready for the holidays can help you get in the mood. Involve your kids because you know they are going to be excited about the holidays no matter what.

Put on a Christmas movie, light a holiday candle, or take the kids to see Santa. Do something that can really put you in the holiday mood. This can help you get there, even if you are not sure if it will work.

What have you done to help during the holidays when you don’t feel like celebrating because they are deployed?

Saying Goodbye During Military Life is Never Easy

by 1 Comment

Saying goodbye during military life is the norm. Saying goodbye is never easy to do. Whether you are saying goodbye to your spouse before a long deployment, a best friend who is pcsing somewhere new, or to a season of your life, that you know is about to change.

Saying Goodbye During Military Life

We say goodbye when what we really want to say is don’t go.

We say goodbye when our heart is breaking over who we are saying goodbye to.

We say goodbye and then think, maybe see you later would be a better way to leave things.

As a military spouse, we say goodbye but we also get to say hello.

We say hello to new friends in a new neighborhood.

We say hello to a new way of life, miles from where we grew up.

We say hello to adventures and new memories, to lands we have never dreamed of.

As deployment orders come, we know the goodbye is in our future. We know that are days before the goodbye are limited. And we know that the day we have to say those words is going to be difficult for us to get through.

Then the day comes. They have to go, they have no choice. The military has to come first, and this time, she is blazing in, taking our loved ones away for a period of time.

But then, after the goodbye, maybe days after, maybe weeks. We figure out how to get through. We military spouses can’t live in the goodbye, we need to find our inner strength to make it through the time apart.

As friends tell us they are leaving. As they let us know the last day they can hang out with us. As they get excited about a new home, knowing that before they get there, we will have to say goodbye.

And during that last hug, we wonder when we will meet again. Will we have that meet-up next year? Will we stay in touch like we are promising? Is this truly a goodbye or more of a see you later.

Friends come and go during our military years. Some we still talk to, on a daily basis. Others fade into our memories, bringing us back to how life used to be.

We know we will always have the chance to meet new people. Maybe in a Facebook group, or at an online event. Maybe at an FRG meeting or even the local playground. And when we do, we hope that we will never truly have to say goodbye, no matter where the military road might take us.

We know seasons change, and our kids won’t stay young forever. We have to say goodbye to the way things were and move on to the way things are today. Knowing, that someday, this season will be over too.

We change as people, as the years go by. Everything we experience in life shapes us into our present selves. Deployments, and moves and hellos, and goodbyes. As the years pass by, we learn from our mistakes and see what we can do to be better prepared in the future.

Life in our 20s is different than life in our 30s and 40s. So many goodbyes and focusing on just those would be easy to do. But as a military spouse, focusing on the hellos and the new memories we will make can help us get to a better place, even if that is hard to do sometimes.

Saying goodbye during military life is a part of the deal. We know this, and we prepare. But saying hello to new adventures, new friends, and new experiences can be how we are able to handle this military life. We take the good with the bad and make the best of what we can.

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

by

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

Your spouse just deployed. What now? What are you supposed to do? Here are 12 things you must do as soon as your spouse deploys.

1. Have a good cry

If you feel like you need to cry, do so. Put on a Disney video for your kids, go into your room, and let it all out. Then pick yourself back up, and plan for the rest of your deployment. For a lot of people, crying is a way to get all the sadness out. And having a good cry can get you in a better place so don’t be afraid to do so.

2. Call your mom

Call your mom. She can be there for you. You can also call your mother-in-law, your sister, or anyone you know that will lend a listening ear. The start of a deployment can be pretty shocking. You have to get used to your new normal, and that will take some time. Reach out to someone and let them know what is going on.

Surviving deployment

3. List your support system

Make a list of your support system. This sounds silly but having a list of who you can count on when your spouse is deployed is a good idea. List people you can call to get together with, those who you can call if you need help with childcare, or those you simply want to be around. The sad truth is not everyone is going to be supportive so spend your time with those who will be, whether they are civilians or other military spouses.

4. Buy some ice cream

Go ahead and buy some ice cream. Ben and Jerry’s works. Keep some in your freezer for those nights when deployment gets a little too difficult. Don’t like ice cream? Buy some brownies or cookie mix or anything you like to have on hand during the more difficult periods of military life.

5. Fill up your calendar

Get a calendar; any will do. I prefer paper calendars, but others like to keep everything online. Whatever you use, fill up your calendar. Make plans. Look for local events, add those too. Make plans with friends. Stay busy. One of the best ways to get through this deployment is to stay busy. You are going to need to fill up that calendar to do so.

Fill up your calendar

6. Buy a journal

Writing in a journal during a deployment is a good way to have a space to get your feelings out. The best thing about it is that no one else has to see what you write. You can write out how angry you are that your husband had to deploy again or how your wife is going to miss your son’s 2nd birthday. There are so many pretty journals out there too, take a look.  (affiliate link)

7. Get some wine or Dr. Pepper, whatever works

Get some wine or Dr. Pepper or whatever your drink of choice is. You know not to go crazy with the stuff but having a glass after the kids go to bed can be very relaxing.

8. Book a trip

Plan a trip back home. Plan a vacation to visit a friend or to take your kids to Disneyland. Make these plans so that you have something to look forward to and can have fun even when your spouse is deployed. While it can be hard to travel when you have babies and smaller children, see what you can do. If you have a friend, you can travel together and help each other out with the kids as well as making make memories together.

surviving deployment

9. Plan regular get-togethers

Plan some regular get-togethers with friends. Have book club at your house every Friday night, plan to have a weekly or monthly dinner with some of your friends with deployed spouses, or plan to meet at the park every Monday to get the kids out of the house and to have some coffee with your friends. Having these regular get-togethers can make the deployment go by so much faster.

10. Buy some stationary

You are going to want to write your spouse when they get an address. Go pick out some cute stationery to send to them.  Here are some stationary ideas! (affiliate link) Love letters during a deployment are the best!

11. Go to the post office

Get yourself to the post office or order supplies online. You will want to send care packages. Some get into this and send packages with the most creative of themes. Others send packages as their spouse needs things such as baby wipes or their favorite candy.

12. Read deployment posts

There are quite a few milspouse bloggers that write about deployments. You can learn a lot from these posts as each blogger brings their own experiences about deployment to their writing. They can give you an idea of how to get through your own deployment. Here are my deployment posts for you to read.

What do you do as soon as your spouse deploys?

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

by

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

If you have ever been in a long distance relationship, you know how hard they can be. All you want is to live in the same area as your loved one but for whatever reason, you can’t. Maybe your boyfriend goes to college across the country from where you went to college, maybe you met someone from another state on your last vacation, or maybe you are dating or married to a service member whose military service takes them away from you.

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

Whatever the reason you are in an LDR, know that they never last forever and you can get through that time apart.

Here are six tips for surviving a long distance relationship that seems like it will last forever.

Live where you live, not where they do

When I was with one of my college boyfriends, we were in a long-distance relationship too, and I made a big mistake. I tried to stay so connected to him where he was, that I missed out on living where I was. I would stay home just to talk to him on the phone, I wouldn’t go out and make friends because I had him.

And in the end, I was miserable. Living that way isn’t good. Make sure to live your life where you are currently living, even if your loved one is far away.

Make plans to be together

Since people are in long distance relationships for different reasons, ask yourself if there is anything you can do to live closer to one another. Maybe all it would take is one of you moving to another city. Maybe you just need to be okay with leaving your hometown to join your military boyfriend at his first duty station.

While this is very personal and will be different for everyone, see if there is anything you can change about your situation. There might just a way to make some changes so that you no longer have to be in a long distance relationship.

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

But look at the big picture

While making some changes can lead to you being together, you also shouldn’t just give up your dreams because the distance is too hard. You might be in school, trying to finish your degree. He might need to go away and finish up a few years in Germany before you two can get married and start your lives together.

There could be good long-term reasons why you are in a long-distance relationship at the moment, and you want to be careful about messing that up. Love can be tricky sometimes and being careful about any big decision when it comes to making plans is a good idea.

Talk often, but not too often

You want to work on your relationship, even across the miles. You want to talk often and communicate with one another. This is all very important when you can’t see them in person all of the time.

However, sometimes you can talk too often. This happens a lot in military circles. The service member calls twice a day, and the military spouse has trouble coming up with things to say. She feels too pressured, and that gets frustrating.

Getting on the same page about how often you will talk is a good idea. Maybe you won’t call every single day, but you can send text messages whenever you feel the need. Going over expectations is essential.

Write love letters

Don’t discount getting out the pen and paper and writing an actual love letter. These are so special and give you both a way to get your feelings to one another out. They make lovely keepsakes down the line if you two stay together for the long term.

If you are dating or married to someone in the military, you might not always be able to get a hold of them. But you can always write them a letter and put that in the mail, sending your love across the miles.

6 Tips For Surviving a Long Distance Relationship That Seems Like it Will Last Forever

Find others in an LDR too

See if you can find some friends that are going through a long distance relationship too. Being around a lot of in-person couples can be difficult when your loved one is far away. Finding others who get what that is like is a smart idea.

You are not the only one going through this. You are not the only person who feels like their partner lives inside of your phone. Find ways to make it through, connect over the miles, and one day, you will no longer have to be apart.

What are your best tips for surviving a long distance relationship?