military life

When Your Spouse Has CQ, In GIFs

March 12, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

They come home from work, you are super excited about the upcoming weekend. You can’t wait for some family time, a break from the kids, and time with your spouse.

Only…when they get home, they let you know, they have CQ this next weekend.

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Crap, now you will be spending a lot of the weekend without them, and they will be stuck at the CQ desk for 24 hours.

CQ is a thing some service members have to do and it isn’t very fun. CQ stands for “Change of Quarters” and is 24-hour duty, where they will have to sit at a desk, to monitor the barracks. They might have to clean, or do other duties, but they have to stay there the whole time.

And while you would think 24 hours away would be a piece of cake for those of us who have gone through a long deployment, CQ never seems to be at the right time. And thus, becomes an annoying part of living this military life.

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When you first hear the news that your spouse has CQ, you might be pretty chill about it. It’s just CQ after all. But then you remember your 5-month-old isn’t sleeping well right now and you could use the extra support during the night.

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You decide you are going to bring him lunch because, well you want to be nice like that. So you grab your kids, head to the car, only to realize you left his lunch on the counter. New plan, stop at Subway and get him a big old sandwhich, he will love that anyway.

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The day goes on, and you almost forget he isn’t coming home tonight. But you remember when the clock hits 6 pm and he still isn’t home. It’s been a long day and you are ready to relax.

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But you soon accept they won’t be around for the night and try to think about all the fun you and your kids will have. You ordered pizza, you have a fun movie for the kids, and oh, will have to do bedtime all by yourself. Yikes.

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You soon accept that fact too and get through it because you are quite the milspouse boss and you can conquer bedtime all by yourself. You have done it 100 other times, and CQ shouldn’t be any harder than any other time they have been gone overnight.

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So you put the kids to bed and you then realize the beauty of CQ, you get the remote all to yourself. You can watch the Bachelor and Real Housewives, without any commentary. And then you roll your eyes when the housewives complain that they can’t go anywhere without their husbands. You don’t know that life!

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You put yourself to bed, knowing that you have almost conquered CQ. And you are so thankful that THIS CQ is better than the last time he had it, over New Year’s. And you had to celebrate with a whole bottle of sparkling grape juice all by yourself.

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And then you get yourself in bed, hope and pray your baby doesn’t wake up, and try to get some rest. Because tomorrow, CQ will be over and things will be back to normal. Well, as normal as military life can be. As long as he gets enough sleep and can catch up on the lost hours, you still might be able to enjoy a few hours of the weekend together.

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Do you have any special things you do when your spouse is working CQ?

7 Tips to Enjoy Your First FRG Meeting

March 7, 2019 by Julie 3 Comments

Yes, FRG meetings. Some people love them, some people hate them. But either way, FRG meetings are such a good thing to have, even if they have issues being implemented. Even if certain FRGs are not working as well as they could be.

FRG stands for “Family Readiness Group” and you can find them in the Army, the Army Reserves, and the Army National Guard. The Navy also calls them the FRG. The Air Force has their Key Spouse Program, the Marine Corps has their Family Readiness Program, and the Coast Guard has their Work-Life Program which all try to accomplish the same thing.

The FRG is there to inform spouses as well as help support them, especially during deployments.

I have been a part of a few different FRG groups, and each one was a little different. My FRGs in Germany felt more like a real community of spouses, working together to get through our deployments or other struggles. In the states, things felt a little different but underneath it all, there was still support in these groups.

I do believe that going to at least one FRG meeting at your new duty station, is a good thing to do. If nothing else, to see how things are going to go. Maybe the FRG meeting won’t be as bad as you think it will be. Maybe there won’t be a lot of drama. Maybe there will be support there that you are yearning for.

As you figure out when and where the FRG meets, and get ready for your first FRG meeting, here are some tips to keep in mind:

Other people are going to be just as nervous as you are

If you are an intrvert, or even if you are not, you might be a bit nervous about going to your first FRG meeting. This is normal. Most people are going to be nervous doing this.

There will be new people to meet, there will be new information to learn, and that can feel so intimidating. Just remember, other people are feeling the same way, and might just be looking for a friendly face, just like you are.

The FRG is supported by volunteers

One thing to keep in mind is that the FRG is going to be supported by volunteers. People who have taken time out of their schedules to help, in many different ways. Giving them a little bit of grace is important.

In some cases, a spouse was “voluntold” to become a leader or take on another position. They might feel like they had to say yes, and might not have wanted to take on the position in the first place. This can make things tricky, and can be an big issue in the military spouse world.

You could become one of them

You could volunteer too. You don’t have to step up to be the FRG leader. There are many other ways to do so.

The FRG includes positions such as Liasion, Assistant Leader, Secretary, Treasurer, Newsletter Ediotr, Activties Chairperson, Fundraiser Chairperson, and Advisor. You can also offer to help in smaller ways such as sending birthday cards to the single service members in the unit, or making food on a regular basis for events.

When you get to your first FRG meeting, they might let you know what positions are available or tell you how you can help. If not, you can always ask where you might be needed. Volunteering through your FRG can be a great way to get to know people a little better and become a part of something that can help a lot of military spouses.

Drama doesn’t have to rule everything

One of the biggest complaints about FRGs is the drama. And I am not going to lie, there can be some serious drama. And that drama can get nasty. But it doesn’t have to be that way forevery FRG group.

You can go into your meetings knowing you don’t want to be a part of that. Treating people with respect and responding to situations in a mature manner can go such a long way in controlling the drama. Don’t let the fear of drama keep you away from FRGs alltoegther.

Grace for other people goes a long way

The FRG is made up on humans, and humans can make mistakes sometimes. Your leader might feel at bit overwhelmed at times, or there could be positions that just haven’t been filled yet. When you go to attend your first FRG meeting, seeing the potential instead of just bashing what is, can be important.

Grace for others can go a long way, and can change things for the better. Try to do what you can to be kind to others within the FRG and work towards postive changes. FRGs can be really amazing places if everyone is working together to make them so.

Support is always important

The support military spouses can receive through the FRG is so important, especially during deployments. These spouses are the ones who understand what you are going through because they are going the same thing you are. Most likely, your spouses will be leaving together, will be deployed together, and coming home together.

While you are probably not going to hit it off with everyone in your FRG, your FRG can be a good place to find some understanding friends. This might not happen right away, but the potential is always there. So please remember that as you attend your first FRG meeting.

The FRG won’t fix all of your problems

In the end, the FRG won’t solve all of your problems. The FRG isn’t set up for that. The FRG can’t make your spouse come home any sooner, the FRG can’t raise your children for you, and it can’t take away all of your struggles.

The FRG can help with your lonliness, can help you stay busy, and can give you tools to make it through your deployment, or anything else military life might throw at you.

Have you ever had a good FRG experience? What do you think the key to that was?

When Your Spouse is Deployed and You Only Have Two Hands

February 8, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

This post is sponsored by Baby Tula! I was also provided free product for review.

Whenever my husband was deployed, I hated going to the grocery store. I know there are more options these days such as grocery store pick-up or affordable delivery services, but back during our previous deployments, we didn’t have any of that.

So, once I had three kids, it became a big issue. I could sometimes get around this by going to the grocery store when my older two were in school, or trade with a friend. However, there were sometimes when I still had to take all three and head to the store. Or really anywhere I needed to go.

There are different tools out there that can help us during our solo parenting days. One tool that helped me with my babies was having a good baby carrier to use, especially when I had to take all three kids to the grocery store. My baby would go in the carrier, he would stay close, then I would have two free hands to shop, and help my other children.

I could also use this carrier if we were going out to a special event or even a birthday party. I had a stroller as well, but a baby carrier is easier to use in some situations where a stoller would not work.

A lot of military spouse moms bring a carrier to MOPS or other types of playgroups. This allows them to move around, while still keeping their baby close. There are so many benefits to owning one, even if your husband is not deployed.

So in those times when I did have to take all three of my children out somewhere, that baby carrier was a lifesaver. I only had two hands, with three little kids, I needed a solution.

Finding the right carrier is important. You want to find one that you like, that works for you and your baby, and is supportive.

The Explore Baby Carriers by Baby Tula would be a fantastic choice!

This carrier is versatile, easy-to-use and the first carrier that allows you to use it in an ergonomic front-facing position.

There are a variety of prints to choose from, so you should be able to find something you love.

They have adjustable panels to use as your baby grows so you can use this Baby Tula from 7-45lbs.

They have three ergonomic carry positions, facing in, facing out, and back carry.

They have a military discount! Yay! 10% off for active duty, veterans, and retired military. Military status will be checked by a 3rd party.

If you are like me and your kids are all over toddler age, you can look at some of Baby Tula’s other products. They have shoes, blankets, backpacks, lunch bags, and more.

Baby Tula sent us one of their super cute backpacks in the Hot Lava theme. Isn’t it cute?

And also one of these lunch boxes in the Chomp theme:

If you are pregnant or already had your baby and would like a new carrier, please visit Baby Tula, and don’t forget the Baby Tula 10% military discount.

How has a baby carrier helped you when your spouse was away?

18 Signs That You Have Been Stationed at Fort Campbell During Your Spouse’s Military Career

February 5, 2019 by Julie 2 Comments

Fort Campbell is located on the Tennessee and Kentucky border, literally. Some people love being stationed at Fort Campbell, some people hate being stationed at Fort Campbell, and some have such mixed feelings it really depends on the day.

We have lived in the Fort Campbell area for almost nine years now. We have seen some changes, some good and some bad. We have gotten to know the area quite a bit, and will probably be here for a while longer.

Because my husband is now in the National Guard, he has not been stationed at Fort Campbell for nine years, however, I know people who have been or who have been here even longer. This is a place you might end up and stay forever, or you might just spend the typical three years.

Either way, here are 22 signs that you have been stationed at Fort Campbell during your spouse’s military career:

You can’t get over how long it takes to get to the mall, or really anywhere off post since EVERYTHING is so spread out.

You are still holding out hope for that nice, new shopping center in that field outside of Gate 7…even though you know it isn’t going to happen.

You got really excited to see not one but two Starbucks on post, each right by a playground for your kids, perfect!

You had to really think about if you wanted to live in Kentucky or Tennessee and weighed the pros and cons of both options.

Your kids get a snow day when there is not even an inch on the ground, or in some cases, nothing on the ground.

You can get to Nashville in less than an hour…unless there is traffic. Oh wait.

You had your baby at BACH and assumed that meant they were born in Kentucky but they were really born in, “Fort Campbell, Tennessee” which really is only a place listed on their birth certificate.

By the end of July you are so hot and humid, even going to the pool won’t help. Then you remember how you will feel in January.

You have to laugh at the endless comments about will there be school or won’t there be school during the winter months all because of a 40% chance of snow.

You feel like the area has every fast food chain in the world…well except for In-and-Out.

You only live 5 miles from post but it takes your spouse 30-40 minutes to get home from work some nights.

You know Tiny Town is the longest road in the world. It goes on forever.

If you live off post, there is a 90% chance that your neighbors are either military, former military, or grew up in the military.

You can still hear the booms, even though you live 15 miles away.

Finding a job in your field isn’t easy, and you might have to go to Nashville to find one.

You might get stuck behind an Amish buggy coming back from Walmart.

You now know the difference between a tornado watch and a tornado warning.

You can’t help but appreciate the history of all the units at Fort Campbell.

Have you ever been stationed at Fort Campbell? Where did you live there?

What You Need to Know About Being Stationed in Germany

January 31, 2019 by Guest Writer 5 Comments

So happy to have Malori from Warrior Life Wellness to tell us all about what it is like to be stationed in Germany! She has some great advice for anyone who will be pcsing to Germany anytime soon. Please let me know if you would like to guest post about where you are stationed!

Our OCONUS PCS

Moving to Germany is something that happens to “other military families.” Just like I never thought I would marry a soldier, I never thought we’d get stationed overseas – even though it was a dream of mine to live in Europe. Well, as you probably have guessed by now, I did marry a soldier and we did get stationed overseas! I knew we were in for the adventure of a lifetime, but I did not have proper expectations of what that entirely meant.

When my husband Mark received orders for Germany in 2017, he was deployed to east Africa. I was back at Ft. Bragg, in my senior year of nursing school, so to say we had a lot on our plates is an understatement! As it would happen, my husband had to report to Germany before I was done with school. So he did the geo-bachelor life for about three months.

This meant I had the pleasure of handling our first OCONUS PCS alone….while finishing nursing school. (OCONUS = outside the continental United States) I don’t suggest these circumstances, but I did gain a certain sense of accomplishment from completing the move (and school) without anything major going wrong. My parents came for my graduation and to help with the last-minute PCS tasks, like overseeing the movers. If you are ever in a solo PCS situation, especially overseas, get your family or close friends to help! It makes a world of difference.

Five days after graduation, I was on the Patriot Express to Ramstein, Germany; final destination, USAG Wiesbaden. It was wonderful to simply live with my husband again after almost a year apart! But on top of that, we had a new country to explore together. I definitely had my rose-colored glasses on, though. While having a positive attitude about any PCS is important, it’s equally important to have realistic expectations. As my husband likes to preach: “expectation management.” This is not about being negative or complaining, but simply having a balanced outlook for your transition. It helps lessen that feeling of overwhelm.

Expectation Management

The first thing I did not expect was being so jet-lagged. I had flown to Europe once before, when I was 20, and I don’t remember feeling particularly jet-lagged. But 12 years later? I felt like I got run over by a bus every day for at least two weeks! Even with sleeping 10-12 hours a night at first, I couldn’t conjure up my normal energy. So my first piece of advice, for anyone moving overseas, is to give yourself plenty of time to adjust and sleep. It really does take several weeks to get over jet lag!

Another thing I did not expect was experiencing culture shock. I again drew on my former European experience. I had spent 5 weeks in Austria for a summer music program, and I remember feeling like I fit in so well. However, visiting Europe, even for an extended trip, is much different than coming here to live. (Austria is also very different culturally from Germany, despite both being German-speaking countries.) I also assumed that since Germany is a first-world, western country, surely culture shock would not exist! I even have experience with German culture, from doing Bavarian folk dancing and taking over four years of German language courses.

But my pride got the best of me and I struggled big time with adjusting. Even if you live on post, like we are mandated to do, you have to get used to the driving rules, shopping on the economy, cultural nuances like shops being closed on Sundays, and most of all, the language. There are also specific rules tied to being here with the military, like how to use VAT forms, what you cannot have sent to your APO box, getting your home-based business approved, and more. Expect that you will have a significant adjustment period to the culture. Because culture shock threw me for such a loop, I made a YouTube video about it! https://youtu.be/mqFEQIv4IjA You are not alone in your feelings.

Something else I have a bad habit of doing for any PCS is to believe that I can jump into a routine right away. In our last PCS I was forced to do that, as I started pre-nursing courses almost immediately after arriving at Ft. Bragg. Other things like learning the best places and times to shop, learning the lay of the land, and finding your tribe take time. Yet I always have this underlying belief that “this time” I’ll be more efficient. But with an OCONUS move, you have all the normal PCS adjustments to make, plus the foreign country aspect. With myself, I also had the added stress of studying for the NCLEX (RN nursing board exam), which I had to take in London, England.

So with an overseas move, I’d say to give yourself at least six months to feel fully “adjusted,” if not one year. Don’t beat yourself up when you feel homesick or are totally frustrated. Normally OCONUS assignments are three years, so you will have at least two years during which you’ll feel pretty comfortable!

What helps with the transition overseas?

What makes a positive difference when moving to a foreign country is receiving your household goods. (It IS possible for government housing to feel like home!) It also helps to meet your neighbors and to make at least one close friend with whom you can commiserate and go through this unique experience together.

Finally, get out and travel, travel, TRAVEL! The biggest mistake I made last year was isolating myself. I’m a combination introvert/extrovert, and after nursing school my extrovert was burnt out. I craved quiet time. But after awhile, it got too quiet and anxiety set in. A great pick-me-up is finding a new place to visit during each month’s 4-day weekend! Make a list of your dream travel list, and then strategically plan your year according to the training holiday schedule. It might take several trips to get the hang of European travel planning, but tons of traveling is something you will NOT regret!

Since a blog post can only be so long, I’ll leave my advice and tips at that. However, if you want more support in your OCONUS PCS and adjustment period, come find me on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/c/MaloriMayor14 I have a growing library of videos about how to PCS to Germany, as well as what life is like here. I love helping other milspouses in their move to another country. It’s a monumental task, but you will be forever grateful for it. Embrace the journey!

Bio: Malori Mayor is a registered nurse, classically-trained violinist, blogger and YouTuber, and most importantly, wife to Mark for almost 5 years. Deployments, PTSD, and TBI may have rocked their world in past years, but they weathered through the hard times together and are currently enjoying an overseas assignment at USAG Wiesbaden, Germany. Malori has been casually blogging for over 10 years on various personal blogs, but last year decided to create her business and new website, Warrior Life Wellness. On it she shares her take on health, wellness, and life in Germany. She also creates YouTube videos about PCSing overseas and life in Germany for other milspouses who are walking the same path. She believes that rigorous organization is key to a smooth OCONUS PCS, so she recently opened an Etsy shop, where milspouses can purchase printable Overseas PCS Binder pages for creating their own organizational binder. Connect with Malori on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook!

Blog: https://www.warriorlifewellness.com
YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/c/MaloriMayor14
Instagram link: http://instagram.com/warriorlifewellness
Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/warriorlifewellness
Etsy shop:

The Best Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage From Across the Miles

December 13, 2018 by Julie

The Best Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage From Across the Miles

It was our 5th anniversary. I woke up that morning and something was different, something was off. We had spent our 1st anniversary on a weekend getaway, our 2nd, 3rd and 4th anniversary, we had a nice dinner together. But this was number 5. That’s a big deal when you are newly married. 5 years is longer than high school or college and gives you enough time to look back on where you have been. But this anniversary was going to be different. He was deployed. He was in Iraq and we would not be spending our special day together.

I knew that in order to have a good day I would have to make it so. We would not be going on any trips or going out to dinner. We wouldn’t be going to the movies or a play or even just have a lazy day together. No, this anniversary would be different.

I decided to order a steak dinner from a local restaurant and have the food delivered after my little boys went to bed. I ate the dinner sitting in front of the computer waiting for my husband to come online. Celebrating your anniversary this way might seem strange but can be normal for a military spouse.

Anniversaries are there to celebrate your marriage. You celebrate the time you have had together. To look at the past and look forward to the future. Celebrating your marriage is important. Whether you have only been married a year or for fifty years.

How can you celebrate your marriage when they are deployed or away at a training? How do you celebrate when your heart aches for them? What can you do to feel closer?

Here are some of the best ways to celebrate your marriage from across the miles…

Write love letters- Love letters are the best. You could write your spouse a love letter about how much you love being married to them. Talk about when you first got married and your hopes for the future. You can pour out your heart on pretty stationery and mail it off to them, or include it in a fun care package.

Make a scrapbook- There is nothing better than going through old photos and looking back on previous memories during your marriage. You can take some time and put together a scrapbook for your deployed spouse. You could keep it simple and just put photos in an album or you could use stickers, cute paper and add a bit of journaling to the book. You could also make a book on a website like Shutterfly.

Send a care package- Put together a special anniversary care package. Here are some ideas from Jo, My Gosh. You can decorate the box however you want and include some of your favorite items. You could go with a romantic theme, or just put in items you know your spouse would love. If you can’t get the package to them around your anniversary, that is okay too. Anytime would be appreciated.

Have a video chat date- Planning when they will be online might be difficult but if you can plan for a special video chat date on your anniversary, go for it. You could sit and talk over dinner. You could plan to watch the same movie at the same time or just enjoy being able to see each other on the video. You could also do this over the phone instead. This is not going to replace a real date but it’s the best way to spend time together when you are miles apart.

Make plans for after the deployment- If you can’t celebrate your marriage during the deployment, make plans to do so after. You could plan a special trip or even just a meal at a nice restaurant. You can always celebrate your anniversary later. There is no rule that it has to be on that day. We have been able to celebrate our anniversaries months later by making a plan for a getaway when we were able to after a deployment.

Surviving A Military Deployment

November 28, 2018 by Julie

Surviving A Military Deployment

I am sitting in my living room, in our 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Schweinfurt, Germany. We just got back from the park, and my two-year-old is finally asleep. I am nursing my baby to sleep and will put him down in a bit.

I plan to take a well-needed bubble bath once I do. It’s been a day. It’s been a week. It’s been a rough deployment.

And we still have so much more time to go…

Way too many days…way too long. And while every day is a day closer, the time ahead is just…well I am not sure how I am going to do this.

As I lay my baby down, I have no idea that his Dad won’t see him again until he is almost one. Or that after he comes home, it will be hard for him to bond. I have no idea that the deployment we thought would end in the summer would get extended again, and then again, and that he wouldn’t be home until right before Thanksgiving.

I leave the room and run the bath. I will probably read for a bit as I always do but I can’t stop thinking about things.

What if my husband never comes back?

What if he does and he isn’t the same?

What if I have way too hard of a time getting through this that the deployment breaks me forever?

It’s so hard not to worry about these things. They happen. They have happened to my friends.

It’s so hard to know how to have faith all will be okay when you know it might not be.

Deployments are so hard…and it’s okay to feel like you can’t go one more day.

It’s been 11 years since that deployment. Time has moved on. My boys have gotten older. We have been through more deployments.

They never get any easier. But you do learn how to cope.

I still hate the thought of being away from my husband, even though we make it through each and every time.

And although I would like to think that I could rock any future deployment we might go through, I also know that they could break me, just like they have done in the past.

If you are going through a deployment, know you are not alone. I have been there. Others have been there.

If you are about to start a deployment, know it is okay to be scared, that being worried about your spouse and what the deployment will be like is normal.

Know that you will grow as a person during the deployment. You will find ways to cope. You will deepen your friendships with others. You will figure out how to get to that finish line.

As military spouses, we do what we have to do because of who we love and the career our spouse has picked. But that doesn’t mean everything is easy or that we will never have a bad day. It just means we can find the strength to make it through…whatever comes our way.

If you are a military spouse looking for support, please take the time to check out my deployment blog posts here on Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life. I have many posts on deployments based on my own experiences as a military spouse.

Remember, you are not alone, there are people who want to help you through this, and people who can stand by you as you do. You got this military spouse, you do <3

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When Your Spouse Has CQ, In GIFs

7 Tips to Enjoy Your First FRG Meeting

When Your Spouse is Deployed and You Only Have Two Hands

18 Signs That You Have Been Stationed at Fort Campbell During Your Spouse’s Military Career

Either way, here are 22 signs that you have been stationed at Fort Campbell during your spouse’s military career:

What You Need to Know About Being Stationed in Germany

Top 10 Blog Posts of 2018

The Best Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage From Across the Miles

The Best Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage From Across the Miles

Here are some of the best ways to celebrate your marriage from across the miles…

Leave a comment and let me know how you have celebrated your marriage during a deployment. Have you done anything special and creative?

Surviving A Military Deployment

Surviving A Military Deployment

military life

Either way, here are 22 signs that you have been stationed at Fort Campbell during your spouse’s military career:

The Best Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage From Across the Miles

Here are some of the best ways to celebrate your marriage from across the miles…

Leave a comment and let me know how you have celebrated your marriage during a deployment. Have you done anything special and creative?

Surviving A Military Deployment

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