Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

That Darn Emergency Contact

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That Darn Emergency Contact

PCSing

One part of military life is possibly moving every few years. In a 20-year long military career, you could move anywhere from two or three to eight or nine depending on career plans.

For some, moving every two or three years is normal. Some military families move even more often. While sometimes you do get to stay at the same duty station for a longer period of time, that isn’t the norm.

When you move, you really have to start over. You have to make a new house a home, you have to find new doctors, dentists, even where you are going to do your shopping.

You also need to sign your children up at new schools, daycares, or child development centers. And usually, those places ask for one important thing…an emergency contact.

This shouldn’t be a big deal…

But, when you are new to a location, you might not have anyone you trust with your kids. How could you? You don’t know anyone yet!

So what do you do? Who should you put down?

Sometimes you can put down your FRG leader, other times, one of your spouse’s coworkers. You can put down a family or friend that lives far away but that might not help if there was a true emergency.

Luckily, the odds of having to call those numbers are super low. I think in all the years of having kids, a school has never had to call that emergency number, maybe once?

Make it a goal to make some friends at your new duty station, and everything will fall into place when it comes to your emergency contacts. It’s not that you shouldn’t worry about it, you want the school or daycare to be able to get ahold of someone if they can’t get ahold of you, but it can be tricky when everyone you trust with your kids lives 2,000 miles away.

Have you ever had to put down someone you didn’t really know on your kid’s forms? How do you handle this issue? 

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

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5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Last year, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do in the future. I graduated with my BA in Sociology in 2001 and I never really knew what I was going to do with it. I never did get a “Sociology” job and ended up working in other ways after college. Then I started having children and started to stay home.

I have been a work at home mom for years now and while I love what I do (writing) and I love the flexibility of working from home (it’s so nice) I started to feel like I wanted to pursue something else. Something I was passionate about, something I felt I could do, and something that would be a good choice for my family.

Before I had my kids, I worked as a doula. And I loved being around birth, even though I didn’t do it very long. I had already been to quite a few births before I had my oldest baby. I loved being there, helping women through giving birth. I loved watching new life come into the world.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Last fall, I sat down with a list of careers I could see myself pursuing. Careers I would need to go back to school for, but where I could find a good job once I was done. The thing about a Sociology degree is by itself; it can be hard to find a good paying job. So while I was thankful to have that degree, I knew if I wanted to pursue any of those careers on my list I would need to go to school.

As I talked to a few people in different career paths, thought about where I saw myself in the future, and figured out what I wanted to do, there was a clear winner…

Nursing!

I wanted to become a nurse. Right now, labor and delivery has my heart, but we will see where the road leads.

I needed to take a few prereqs before I could apply to nursing school. I decided to take this year to complete them and start nursing school next fall or spring. I started my first class in August, an online one, and I am not sure how I feel about that format.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

I will start my first in-person class in 17 years in a few weeks! It seems like a big change. Although I have deadlines with my work at home job, I work very flexible hours. If I need or even want to go somewhere at a certain time, I can usually make it happen. I just do my work around that.

This will change a little the rest of this school year with having to go to class a couple of times a week. And then once I do start nursing school, my life will look completely different. While I am very excited about this path, change is never easy.

I am not sure how everything is going to go. I am not sure how much time I will have for the things that are important to me. But I know everything will work out, and the sacrifice will be worth it.

As I think about this blog post, I wanted to share a bit about why I think it can be so good for military spouses to go to school. While going to school, or back to school isn’t an option for everyone, and it might not be the right season for you, going back to school can be something you can think about in the future.

5 Reasons For Military Spouses To Go Back To School

Here are 5 reasons for military spouses to go back to school:

MYCAA

If your spouse is on Title 10 orders, an E-1 to E-5, W-1 to W-2 or O-1 to O-2, you can use MYCAA for certain degrees, licenses, and certificates. MYCAA will give you up to $4,000 for your education. This is money, just for you to go to school, and can be a good reason to go back.

You never finished and always wanted to

You may have started college when you were younger, then life happened, and you decided to do something else. It has been a few years, and now you want to go back. Now is a perfect time to do so.

See what colleges are in your local area. I am a big fan of Community Colleges. You can check out what degree programs they have and go from there. Online programs are also a good idea and allow you more flexibility during military life.

Career change

Maybe you do have a degree and even a career. But as life went by, you decided you wanted to do something else. That’s okay; it’s never too late to go back and get another degree to do something else. Whether you are completely changing your focus, or just going to get some more education, starting a new career can be a very good thing for you and your family.

You want your own career

Maybe it is just time for you to work on your own career. Often times, military spouses can put their own hopes and dreams on the backburner because of the craziness of military life. Other times, they become the stay at home parent while their kids are growing up.

But as you know, children do grow up, and you might find yourself in a place where school makes more sense. This was part of going back to school for me. My kids were older, and I knew they could handle different schedules.

I also won’t have to depend on childcare as much, my oldest will be about 17 when I graduate. These are big hurdles for some people, and as your children grow, some of those challenges go away, and that makes working on your own career a little easier.

The GI Bill

Did you know that your service member spouse can transfer all or part of their GI Bill to you? This can be a good way to pay for school, especially if you can’t use MYCAA or plan to get a higher degree. There are some new rules when it comes to transferring the GI Bill which goes into effect next summer so if you ever want to use their GI Bill, get things figured out soon.

There are many reasons to go back to school, whether going back is something you have always wanted to do, or the time suddenly seemed right.

Did you decide to go back to school? What went into your decision?

Enough With the Dependa Crap

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Enough With the Dependa Crap

I’m over it. I am so tired of the dependa crap. I am tired of people throwing that word around, using it to demean others, using it as a weapon, and hiding behind it as if it makes them better than anyone else.

Enough with the talking down to other military spouses because they live their lives differently than you do.

Enough with the Facebook group bashing because you think you are right and don’t have room for other opinions.

Enough with assuming military spouses are only there to take from an unsuspecting soldier.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

We as a military community are better than that!

We should be anyway.

We should be showing other military spouses compassion.

And if we can’t do that, then we should learn how to keep our mouths shut.

We don’t have to be friends with everyone, we don’t have to like everyone, but enough with calling people names when we don’t get along.

We are all in this together.

We all go through deployments, we all have lonely nights, we all know what it is like to wait for someone.

In the midst of solo parenting, we don’t have the time for this.

The truth is…

Some of us military spouses work outside the home, some of us work in the home.

Some of us are stay at home parents, some of us have been over the years when it worked best for our families to do so.

Some of us have college degrees, some of us don’t.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

Some of us are going back to school, and some of us are waiting until our children are a little older.

Some of us work 9-5 jobs, some of us work the overnight shift.

Some of us have been military spouses since we were 18, some of us joined this lifestyle at 30.

Some of us have five children, some of us have one child, and some of us are okay with a child-free life.

Enough with the dependa crap!

It doesn’t look good on you, hate for others never does.

We are a community of diverse, unique, and amazing men and women. We might be from different places, we might have different backgrounds, but the one thing we all have in common is supporting a military service member.

And are their military spouses that are doing things to hurt their service member? Sure, what community doesn’t have that? But in my personal experience, these spouses are not the norm.

Enough With the Dependa Crap

Quit calling out an entire community, and work to make relationships within it.

Quit assuming that anyone that says something positive about the military is just using their spouse; there are some pretty amazing things about being a military spouse and it is okay to talk about them.

Quit assuming that anyone that is having a difficult time with this lifestyle deserves to be made fun of, not everything is easy and sometimes we do need that extra support.

Enough with the dependa crap!

It doesn’t make sense, it tears us apart, and it tears apart the very community we need during our time as a military spouse.

Do better, be better, understand what you can, and have grace for what you can’t.

I have met so many military spouses during the last 13 years that I have been a military spouse. Almost every single one is trying to do what they can to love their service member spouse, raise their children if they have them, work on their own careers, whatever they might be, and strive to handle this crazy lifestyle.

Enough with the dependa crap! We are so much better than that! 

16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

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16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Whether you are new to military spouse life, or a seasoned military spouse, there are parts to military life that can seem a bit overwhelming, a bit frustrating, or a bit unique.

Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

We work our way through deployments, no matter how long they might be. We PCS, then we PCS again, and learn more about the world through our journey. We stand by as our service member serves our country, doing what we can to be there, and living the best life possible within military life!

Here are 16 memes that talk about just that, military life and what it means to be a military spouse…

16 Fun Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Bored at the end of your deployment? Try something new! It’s a good time for it 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

The decisions we have to make simply because we move around a lot 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! Get the things you need to get you through 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Moving is hard! You have to figure out new everything!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! If they put on a uniform, you are a military space, no matter what the uniform looks like.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Such is this military spouse life! Take it one day at a time, if you have to.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes! We all need friends like that 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

OPSEC is so important. Make sure you always follow it!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Sometimes our past can help us through our future…

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

So true! Such mixed feelings when they are gone.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

I always seem to do that in the dark! Whoops! At least it means he is home?

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

That’s the beauty of PCSing, you know where all the Targets are!!!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

It can be so hard to remember these things when they change all the time!

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Yes, yes we do 🙂

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Such the way things go…just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

 

Memes For Military Spouses Living the Military Spouse Life

Make sure to start with your lists!

 

How long have you been a military spouse???

When They Miss Stuff

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When They Miss Stuff

Your service member doesn’t have to be deployed to miss stuff. This can happen at any time. Maybe they have a school to go to, maybe they have extra training to attend, maybe they have a 24 hours CQ. As military spouses, we get used to this…sort of.

We know they can’t be there for everything, we even know that had they not joined the military, their civilian careers could keep them from missing things too. If we are a national guard or reserves spouse, we already know that from experience.

Still…

When They Miss Stuff

When they miss stuff, we still get frustrated about it.

When they miss that first day of kindergarten, and you have to video chat with them about how it went later on.

When they miss driver’s training, and you wonder why you, the more paranoid parent has to be in charge of this.

When they miss your 30th birthday, and you know, even if you celebrate later, it won’t be the same.

Sometimes they will miss things, and it won’t bother you at all. You are used to doing this type of stuff alone. Have they ever been able to attend a parent-teacher conference? No, you simply stopped expecting that once your child got into the 4th grade.

When They Miss Stuff

But still…there is a part of you that wishes they didn’t have to miss so much.

There is a part of you that wishes that you didn’t worry so much that they will miss you son’s high school graduation, or sending your daughter off to college. That they would never have missed a birth, the first steps, or the first words.

That there would have been some way for them to serve in the military, and not miss anything important.

But you know that isn’t the world we live in. You know you have to do so much of this alone, even if your civilian friends never have to. You know this is just part of the military life.

You do what you can to include your spouse. You send them photos, and videos, and try to tell them about the event as best as you can.

You hope and pray that they will be there the next time.

That although they missed your 1st son’s birth, they will be there for your second. That even though they missed your 10th anniversary, that they will be there for your 15th. That even though they missed one birthday, they would be there for the next one.

We find military spouse friends that understand what we go through. Those who also potty trained alone, and started solids alone, and did so much of the early baby years without a partner in the house.

We connect with others who know what it can be like to assume that their spouse will be there for something and then at the last minute find out they won’t be. It would have been better to think they couldn’t come in the first place.

We have had to change birthday party dates, paid extra to change flight tickets, and even postpone weddings because they had to do something military related. We get frustrated, but we do what we have to do. We make the best of the time we have together and hope they will be around more than they are apart.

When They Miss Stuff

You miss things because sometimes you simply can’t be in the same place at the same time.

You have to decide which kid will have to go without, or who will have to deal with the disappointment of their mom or dad missing one more thing. You have to work to help your kids through the loss because they often don’t understand why their military parent had to miss something so important.

You listen to people say that parents need to be there for this, that and the other. But you know that your spouse had to be gone during that time, and there was nothing you could do about that. You make the best of that loss; you hope your kids will be okay and move on because dwelling on the fact that they were not there for the first few months of your daughter’s life,  isn’t going to do anyone any good.

As a military spouse, you know your spouse will miss stuff. More than their fair sure. You do what you can to include them; you do what you can to stay strong, even if you want them there more than anything else.

You make things work because you have to, and you want to support your service member through this life they have chosen, through the good and the bad.

What has been the hardest thing for your spouse to have missed because of military life?

Military Spouse Bloggers That Blog About Deployment

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Military Spouse Bloggers That Blog About Deployment

Going through a deployment? Looking for support or advice?

There are a lot of ways to find that support, one of them is to find blogs and blog posts that can help you through your deployment.

Military Spouse Bloggers That Blog About Deployment

Here are a few military spouse bloggers you should follow that focus a lot on deployments:

Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

Well I know you already know about Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life or you wouldn’t be reading this. If you are new, I am an Army National Guard Spouse, former Army Active Duty spouse who has been through four deployments. I have three boys, and love being able to help other military spouses through deployments with my words. I have a big deployment post section you are going to want to check out.

Jo, My Gosh

Jo, My Gosh fell in love with a sailor, and while her husband eventually got out of the military, Jo has many posts on deployment, including posts on care packages. She will tell you about cute themed ideas, puns, and the ins and outs of sending them to your spouse when they are deployed.

The Seasoned Spouse

The Seasoned Spouse is run by Lizann, a marine spouse with four children. The motto of the Seasoned Spouse is, “we are all in this together” and its true. We can’t do military life alone, and Lizann’s blog is here to help. She also has a free deployment Facebook group and a deployment master class.

Military Spouse Bloggers That Blog About Deployment

Airman to Mom

Amanda, a former air force member, traded her combat boots for a diaper bag and shares about deployments from the service member as well as the spouse’s perspective. She also has a series, 31 Days of Deployment Stories you are going to want to check out.

Army Wife 101

Army Wife 101 is a lifestyle community for military spouses founded by Krystel. She has a deployment section with a wealth of posts to help you through your own deployments. Look for posts on reintegration, time apart, and even a Diary of a Deployment series.

The Military Wife and Mom

The Military Wife and Mom is run by Lauren, married to an active-duty marine, with two children of her own. She will help you through your deployments with her posts about military life, and motherhood. She also has a fantastic Deployment binder to help you through your next deployment.

Military Spouse Bloggers That Blog About Deployment

Adventures of a Young Wife

Grace, an army wife and marriage and family counselor, owns Adventures of a Young Wife. Here you will find a wide variety of deployment themed posts, from solo parenting to pre-deployment, as well as posts on other aspects of military life, mental health, and wellness.

A Semi-Delicate Balance

JD, a Navy spouse, owns A Semi-Delicate Balance, a blog about finding balance as a new parent, a working mom, and a military spouse. You can find posts on care-packages, explaining deployment to your kids, and how to create a deployment binder.

Birdie and Bubba

Birdie and Bubba is owned by an army spouse, with plenty of posts to help you through your next deployment. She writes about communication during a deployment, OPSEC, and even what podcasts can get you through a deployment. (She has included one of my favorites!)

Countdowns and Cupcakes

Countdowns and Cupcakes is owned by Rachel, a Navy spouse, where you will find posts on deployment as well as a huge library of posts on care packages. She also has a shop where you can buy her super cute care package flaps to use in your own care packages.

I am sure I could add many more military spouse bloggers to this list! Let me know who to add! And if you blog a lot about deployment too, let me know who you are 🙂

We Are Military Spouses

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We Are Military Spouses

Being a military spouse is quite the journey. There is nothing quite like being married to someone serving in the military. This way of life is unique, filled with the good and the bad.

We Are Military Spouses

As military spouses…

We jump right into this life, dating someone who wears the uniform. Knowing that if we are going to get serious with them, we would have to be on board with a different type of lifestyle.

We marry civilians, and over the years, things changed and we stand by them as they sign papers to join the military.

We stay home, they go off to basic training, both of us not knowing what to expect, and hoping we made the right choice.

We pack up our first home, after waiting on orders for our first duty station, unsure how a California girl is going to do in Kansas.

We Are Military Spouses

We fly over the ocean for the first time, arriving in a city in Germany, ready to spend the rest of our 20s in a different country.

We move into military housing, unsure how we were going to make this tiny home work, but we will somehow figure it all out.

We stand by as the deployment orders come, knowing they will come again in the future too.

We comfort our friends as they say goodbye to their spouses, knowing that our turn is coming soon too.

We Are Military Spouses

We try to understand what all the terms mean, but even after years as a military spouse, some still confuses us.

We go to FRG meetings, even when we are not sure what to expect.

We leave our comfort zone because we know it might be the only way to make some friends who understand this life.

We feel left out of family events, since they are 2,000 miles away, but we take comfort in finding family-like friends at our duty stations.

We Are Military Spouses

We are never really sure how long we will be a military spouse, the struggle over re-listing is real.

We get frustrated with TRICARE but are thankful to have it all the same.

We hope and pray that the military doesn’t mess up our pay, and check the LES religiously just in case it does.

We start new hobbies, and learn new skills, trying to stay busy during the deployments.

We Are Military Spouses

We Are Military Spouses

We want to work on our own careers and get frustrated when the military makes that difficult.

We still try to do what we can, even if it seems impossible.

We are stay at home moms, work at home moms, and working out of the home moms.

We are stay at home dads, work at home dads, and working out of the home dads.

We Are Military Spouses

We come from different backgrounds and can learn a lot from one another.

We know that not everyone grew up like we did, and we have a window into other ways of doing things.

We are young, barely out of high school and we are more seasoned, turning 40 during our spouse’s 6th deployment.

We have been to college, or want to go, and hope that the military will help make that happen.

We Are Military Spouses

We have five children, or three children, or one little baby.

We don’t have children and don’t intend to ever change that.

We have dogs that stand by us through the hardest of days, and cats that piss us off, even though we love them so much.

We live on post, we live off post and make the best of any housing situation.

We Are Military Spouses

We Are Military Spouses

We have lived overseas for half of marriage and hope to go back someday soon.

We are scared to death to get orders to Europe but know it will be an experience of a lifetime.

We want to go to Hawaii, it’s always been a dream, and now with the military, going over there can happen.

We are not sure we will ever be able to be stationed OCONUS, but hope that it can happen with our next PCS.

We Are Military Spouses

We worry when our loved one is in a dangerous place.

We know, no news is good news, but that is hard to remember sometimes.

We learn OPSEC, PERSEC, and try to remember both even in the midst of a difficult deployment.

We know who we can lean on, and we reach out to others going through the same type of situation.

We Are Military Spouses

We welcome back our soldier, airmen, sailor, marine, or coastie, having spent hours finding the perfect outfit.

We know that the outfit doesn’t matter, just being back in their arms again does.

We worry about after the deployment, not knowing what to expect.

We try to be there for our spouse as much as possible, as they try to make their way during reintegration.

We Are Military Spouses

We Are Military Spouses

We solo parent, even with three toddlers under our foot.

We give birth without our partner, hoping we can video chat sometime during labor.

We depend on our friends, and family members to help when they can but we know we have to do a lot of it by ourselves.

We can’t help but laugh when Murphy’s law hits hard, that first day of deployment.

We Are Military Spouses

We dream, we hope, we pray…

We cry when things get hard, we comfort when they get hard for our neighbor.

We know that things could always be worse, and we know that things can and will get better when we are in a difficult place.

We grow stronger through it all and know that someday we will appreciate what we have been through if it hasn’t happened already.

We Are Military Spouses…the partners of those who serve our country. The ones back at home. The ones who wait.

How long have you been a military spouse???

 

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

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Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

I’m not sure where the idea came from that National Guard and Reserve spouses are not military spouses. This myth, it’s not a good one. Serving in the National Guard or Reserves is just a different way of serving in the military. As far as I am concerned, if your spouse puts on a uniform, you are in fact a military spouse.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

It doesn’t matter the branch; it doesn’t matter the status, you are a military spouse.

While it is true that being married to an active duty soldier and a National Guard soldier are different, trust me I know, I have done both, there is still plenty the two have in common.

There are definitely pros and cons to each way of serving and some of them can sometimes be based on who you are as a spouse and as a military family member. Not everyone has the same exact experiences. While active duty life can be perfect for one family, national guard life can be perfect for another.

While we shouldn’t ignore the differences, especially ones that are harder for each side, we can come together on what we have common.

We all deal with deployments

One of the biggest myths about the National Guard and the Reserves is that they don’t deploy, but they do. They go to a lot of the same places active duty does and can be gone longer. And while they are gone, most of their spouses are not surrounded by military communities. Deployments happen, whether your spouse is active duty or not.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all miss our spouse

All military spouses miss their husband or wife at some point in their military careers. While the length of time can be different, both active duty and national guard and reserve spouses will miss their spouse during their time as a military family. While it can be easy to look at the other side and assume they don’t have a right to miss their spouse like we do, we simply need to stop doing this. When your spouse is gone, you are allowed to miss them, no matter how long they are away for.

We all deal with the military craziness

Whether it is waiting on PCS orders, or waiting to find out of your spouse is, in fact, going to be deployed for the summer, all of us spouses are dealing with the craziness of military life. You have heard people say, “Well that’s the Army for you” or “That’s how it is in the Air Force” and it is true. There is a bit of crazy associated with dealing with the military, and that isn’t always fun.

If we have kids, we solo parent

Whether you are solo parenting through Basic Training and AIT, a deployment, Annual Training, or a school, you will be solo parenting at some point. Maybe you will be a solo parent for a weekend, maybe for nine months worth of weekends, but you do what you have to do. And you figure out ways to make solo parenting a little easier for yourself everytime they go away.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all live a military life

At the end of the day, we are all living a version of a military life.

While some might live right on a military installation and others live five hours from the closest one, we are all living the military life.

While some see their spouse put on that uniform every morning, and others see it once a month, we are all living that military life.

While some move every three years, and others are still in their hometown, we are all living that military life.

So, if you ever question if someone is a military spouse or not, think about this, does their husband or wife put on a military uniform to serve their county? If so, yes, yes they are a military spouse.