Military life is hard, and it’s okay to say so!
When I started my blog in 2009, I did so for a few reasons. I was a bit bored but more than that, I wanted to share what I was going through. I knew I couldn’t be the only military spouse that felt the way that I did. I was at the end of our 2nd deployment, missing my husband, and just waiting for the day he would be home.
One of the first things I noticed when I started getting into blogging was the online military community. Other bloggers and readers who had been through what I had been through and who understood what military life was like. Over the years I have met so many military spouses online that are looking for tips and encouragement to get through their deployment or whatever else military life has thrown at them.
Over the years I have heard some people say that military life isn’t hard or that because life is more difficult for other people, we shouldn’t even talk about what we are going through. They say that we should only speak of the positives of this life. That talking about the negatives isn’t good.
While I agree that if you only talk about the bad, this life is going to be even harder, but I also know that military life is hard and it’s okay to say so.
Why It’s Okay to Say Military Life Is Hard
Here on my blog and in my online communities, I understand that not everything is going to be easy. I understand that some days are just going to be quite horrible. But you know what? There are a lot of benefits in sharing our stories, in letting others know what we are going through, and talking about when life gets hard.
Being Honest About Military Life Makes You Real
Things changed for us as soon as my husband joined the Army. He was gone, for months. He wasn’t always there like he was before. He had more rules and regulations than he did in civilian life. Everything changed for us. And life got a lot harder.
Military life brings deployments, pcsing every few years, and life changes you would never have thought about before. You might give birth without your husband, they might miss your son’s first day of kindergarten or even high school graduation, and they might not be around when you need them the most.
So when someone talks about how hard military life is, they are being real about their experiences.
Real about the changes this life will bring, real about how difficult some seasons of this life are, and real about what’s going to happen during their spouse’s career.
Being real about military life also means talking about how wonderful living in Germany is, how amazing homecoming will be, and how you would never have met the friends you did had you never become a military spouse.
Whether you are going through a difficult time or having better milspouse moments, being real about your life is a good thing.
Most Military Spouses Know This Life Can Be Hard
Although I am sure there are some who get through the years of military life and don’t even seem to feel the hardships some of us too, this has not been the norm.
Every day I hear from military spouses who have just started a deployment, are in the middle of a deployment, or are struggling through the last few months of a deployment. All of them are looking for ways to make it through, to find friends who know what they are going through, and to figure out the best way to handle their current situation.
At the end of the day, we are all on our own military road. Some roads will be bumpier than others, and that’s okay. Some will have it much harder than you do and some have it easier. That doesn’t change the fact that you are dealing with your own set of challenges that are unique to you and your family.
Sharing Our Struggles Helps Us Support One Another
When we don’t share our struggles, we can’t help one another out. When we stay silent, we don’t know who needs that extra set of hands or who needs a listening ear. When we all act like we have everything together, we can overlook those who are falling behind, and that isn’t a good thing for our military community.
While we don’t want to spend all of our time as a military spouse walking around with a pout on our faces, we can stop and recognize when things are a little too much to handle on our own. We might need to reach out to a friend, to a professional, or change a few things to make our lives a little easier.
A Reminder for the Military Spouse Who Is Struggling
Military life can be hard, and admitting that does not mean you are negative, ungrateful, or failing at this life. It means you are being honest about what you are going through.
- You are allowed to say this is hard. Deployments, PCS moves, missed milestones, and constant change can take a real toll.
- You are not the only one struggling. Other military spouses have felt lonely, overwhelmed, tired, and unsure how to keep going.
- Sharing your story can help someone else. When we are honest, we remind others that they do not have to walk through military life alone.
- Support matters. Friends, community, counseling, and practical help can make hard seasons feel more manageable.
Talking About the Hard Parts Reminds Us We Are Not Alone
In the end, sharing our milspouse struggles helps others know they are not alone. When I share about my deployments, I hope that others can take comfort in knowing they are not the only one going through what they are at the moment. When I talk about the deployment ache, I hope that others can say, “Yes! That is exactly how I feel too.”
When you are struggling, knowing you are not alone can go a long way in figuring out how to make life better for yourself. Whether the struggle is deployment, miscarriage, divorce, infertility, the loss of a family member, a sick child or something else.
When you struggle, knowing others have been through what you have been through can help you see there is a way out, that there are things you can do to make life better, and that you don’t have to walk through all of this on your own.
What do you know when you feel you are struggling? Who do you turn to for extra help?
Frequently Asked Questions About Military Life Being Hard
Is it normal to think military life is hard?
Yes, it is normal. Military life can include deployments, PCS moves, missed milestones, solo parenting, uncertainty, loneliness, and constant change. Admitting that it is hard does not mean you are not strong enough for military life.
Why should military spouses talk about the hard parts?
Talking about the hard parts can help military spouses feel less alone. When we share our struggles honestly, other spouses can feel seen, encouraged, and more willing to reach out for support.
Does saying military life is hard mean I am being negative?
No. You can be grateful for the good parts of military life and still admit that some seasons are difficult. Being honest about your experience is different from only focusing on the negative.
Where can military spouses find support?
Military spouses can find support through trusted friends, local military community groups, Military OneSource, counseling resources, deployment support programs, online communities, and other spouses who understand military life.
More on Military life…
Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into
To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community
