Mistakes You Might Make as a New Military Spouse
I was 26 years old when I became a military spouse. Other spouses were a lot younger, and some were even older when they joined this life. No matter how old you were when you became part of a military family, there will be a learning curve. You won’t be able to understand how everything works right away. You might make some mistakes. It’s bound to happen.
Over my time as a military spouse, I have made some mistakes too. Figuring out how the military works takes time.
5 Mistakes New Military Spouses Might Make
Going Over Your Spouse’s Chain of Command
Going over your spouse’s chain of command is a big no-no. You don’t want to do that. Doing so will upset people and could come down to your own spouse getting in trouble. There will be plenty of times when a command comes down, and you will want your spouse to do something about it. Usually, they can’t. Remember that there is a chain of command for a reason. Be respectful of it.
Not Understanding That the Military Comes First
The military has to come first most of the time. Your spouse will have to go where the military sends them. Even major family moments, like having a baby during a deployment, may not change what the military requires. You can ask for them to be sent home, but know that no one has to make that happen for you.
This is one of the hardest things to learn about military life. A good Command will try to help families when they can, but because of the mission, that isn’t always possible.
Not Trying to Make Friends
You are in a new place, trying to get used to your new life. It can be way too easy to stay at home and not try to get out there and make friends. See what you can do to get out of your house and go to places where you can make friends.
Doing this might be scary, especially if you are shy. But I have learned that putting yourself out there will eventually make you friends. Even if it takes a long time. Find things you would enjoy doing anyway and keep trying. Military spouse life is better with friends.
Underestimating the Toll of Military Life
Sometimes it is hard to understand the toll that military life can take on you. As a spouse, a parent, a woman, and a person, you will face many situations that seem impossible when you first hear about them. You need to try to take care of yourself. You need to find ways to smile even if your spouse is gone. To enjoy life even when life is stressful. Remember that military life can take a toll, but the experiences you will go through will also help make you stronger.
Letting Fear Overtake You
There is a lot to be fearful of during military life. Even more so when they are deployed in a war zone. Don’t let that fear overtake you. The reality is, something could happen to your spouse.
However, if you live in fear of that happening every day, it can wear you down quickly. You need to figure out a way to keep your fear in check. That could be different for each person. Some people will find comfort in their religion. Others will have a good friend they can go to and talk about what they are scared of. Figure out how to handle the fear, and don’t let it overtake you.
What New Military Spouses Should Remember
No one becomes an expert at military life overnight. You are allowed to ask questions, make mistakes, learn as you go, and give yourself grace along the way.
- Military life has a learning curve. You won’t understand everything right away, and that is normal.
- Friendship matters. Finding people who understand this life can make the hard seasons feel less lonely.
- Fear is part of the journey, but it does not have to run your life. Find support, talk things through, and focus on what you can control.
- You will keep growing. Every season of military life teaches you something new about yourself, your marriage, and what you are capable of handling.
Give Yourself Grace as You Learn Military Life
No one is a perfect military spouse. You will make mistakes along the way. But you can learn from them. Your military life is a journey. One in which you will always be growing and learning along the way. Do the best that you can, learn what you can and you will find that you will slowly start to figure everything out.
Frequently Asked Questions About Being a New Military Spouse
Is it normal to feel overwhelmed as a new military spouse?
Yes, it is very normal to feel overwhelmed as a new military spouse. Military life comes with new rules, new expectations, and a lot of uncertainty. Give yourself time to learn how everything works.
What is one mistake new military spouses often make?
One common mistake is thinking you have to understand everything right away. Military life has a learning curve, and most spouses learn through experience, asking questions, and connecting with others who have been there.
How can new military spouses make friends?
New military spouses can make friends by attending spouse events, joining local groups, volunteering, going to community activities, and connecting with others online. It can take time, but putting yourself out there helps.
How can military spouses handle fear during deployment?
Fear during deployment is common. Military spouses can cope by building a support system, staying connected to trusted friends or family, focusing on what they can control, and reaching out for help when fear feels too heavy.