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From Orders to Opportunities

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From Orders to Opportunities

Like many military wives, I got married at the young age of 18. At that point, my husband had already been serving in the Marine Corps for two and a half years. Even though we had known each other for about seven years, we only started dating a year before our “I do’s.”

Before my Marine came along, I was a determined student with a clear plan for my future: attend the University of South Alabama, pursue a degree in speech pathology, work with stroke patients, date someone for five years before getting married, and have kids…all close to home.

What I didn’t realize was that one simple first date with a boy from church would turn my carefully mapped-out plans upside down and lead me down a completely different path.

Six months after we got married, he received orders to PCS from Kings Bay, Georgia, to Twentynine Palms, California. Suddenly, college applications and scholarship essays were no longer my concern. I was learning how to be a newlywed, supporting a husband preparing for his first deployment, and adjusting to life as a 19-year-old southern girl in the California desert.

I quickly learned that military life brings its own challenges, such as making friends at a new duty station, attending Family Readiness meetings, and deciphering the endless stream of acronyms, which became my new “curriculum.”

Still, that determined mindset never truly faded. I knew the military lifestyle could open doors, but in a place like Twentynine Palms, opportunities were dry (pun intended). Jobs were limited, especially without a degree and with limited experience.

Just before my husband’s second deployment, I began volunteering at the local Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. The director saw potential in me and offered me the role of Communications Lead. Suddenly, I was running the organization’s Facebook page, leading informational events, and speaking at briefs for incoming and deploying Marines and Sailors.

It was there that I discovered a new love: communications. I began to realize that military life, while unpredictable, had given me an unexpected launchpad for growth.

Eventually, we PCS’d back across the country, only to be greeted by a national pandemic. Once again, I found myself at a new base with limited job opportunities and another deployment looming. This season is when I adopted a mindset I carry to this day: “An excuse and an opportunity are always present. Whichever one you look for is the one that will present itself.”

With encouragement from my husband, friends, and family, I finally began my college education. Balancing coursework with a two-year-old at home and a deployed husband wasn’t easy, but my classes quickly rekindled my drive.

What started as a goal to complete my associate degree grew into a bachelor’s program. Today, I’m pursuing a Master’s in Human Resource Management. I will spare you the details of that career merge. 

Looking back, I realize that every challenge, PCS, and deployment wasn’t just an obstacle; it was an opportunity, a lesson I want to share. As military spouses, our lives don’t have to be on hold just because of the demands of military life. These unique circumstances can become a springboard for discovering passions, building resumes, and growing in ways we might never have anticipated. 

The first step in turning orders into opportunities is finding your niche and discovering what inspires you. Whether it’s volunteering, joining a spouses’ club, or exploring new hobbies, these experiences can uncover talents and interests you didn’t know you had. Growth doesn’t always happen in a classroom.

You can dive into books, take free online courses, or practice new skills at home. Every opportunity, paid or volunteer, is a step toward building your experience, confidence, and future career. For me, stepping into the Communications Lead role at NMCRS revealed strengths I hadn’t recognized before.

Community is a powerful part of our journey. Surround yourself with supportive people who can encourage you, celebrate your wins, and help you discover your passions.

As a Christian, I truly believe what feels like uprooting is actually planting according to God’s plan. Every PCS, deployment, and unexpected change has the potential to help you grow, learn, and prepare for what lies ahead. Your life as a military spouse doesn’t have to be paused while supporting your spouse’s career.

Even if traditional opportunities feel out of reach, you can still discover ways to use your gifts, develop skills, and make an impact in your community.

I challenge you today to take the first step. You don’t have to sign up for the next class at the community college, but look for the opportunity rather than the excuse. Plant seeds in your life and watch them grow into new skills, confidence, and a life you love that follows wherever military life takes you. 

P.S. If you’re considering going back to school or exploring new career opportunities, don’t forget to look into scholarships and programs specifically for military spouses. Organizations like the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society and other branch-specific foundations offer scholarships, financial support, and resources to help you pursue your education and professional goals. 

Author: Brittany Weston

Brittany is a Marine Corps wife of nearly 10 years, living in North Carolina with her husband and daughter. She believes that every deployment, every duty station, and every single day is about perspective. Making the most of every season, she holds to Ezra 10:4: “Rise up; this matter is in your hands. So, take courage and do it.”

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From Orders to Opportunities

Military Life Doesn’t Always Look the Same

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Military Life Doesn’t Always Look the Same

Before my husband joined the military, I was a SAHM and he worked 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

He joined the Army and by the time we hit the first-year mark, we were in the middle of a 15-month deployment, on a post in Germany.

My life changed in so many different ways. Military life was so completely different than what I was used to, in so many different ways.

Over the years, life has gone on, we went through many deployments and a couple of moves. Now as a National Guard family things are different than they were as an active duty one, but not quite the same as when we were civilians.

Some weeks are more military than others. Some years are more military than others. It all just depends on what is going on and what is happening with my spouse’s career.

Once you get to know the military community you start to notice that not everyone’s military journey looks the same. Some include more separations than others. Some include more moves than others.

Some military spouses have moved every few years, packing up and diving into a new home every three years. Others have only moved once or twice as a military family, with plans to stay put at their current duty station for quite a bit longer.

Some spouses have been through many deployments, in a short amount of time. Others have been able to have years in between.

Some military spouses are raising children and others are not. Some spouses will be able to be stationed overseas, and others will never have that opportunity.

Because our military experiences can be so different, it’s important to listen when other military spouses tell you they are having a more difficult time or just can’t seem to figure out the best way to get through the next few months.

It’s important to remember that what worked for you might not work for someone else. That we all have things that frustrate or bother us. And that we might not know what another military spouse is going through.

That being said, even if we haven’t walked the exact same path, there is beauty in coming together and talking about our experience. There is value in sharing what we have experienced and how we have made it through.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or heading into your third decade.

Whether you have been through 10 deployments or waiting on your first one.

Whether you feel strong at the moment or are struggling with your current situation.

Military life doesn’t always look the same, but we can still learn from one another. The military community is strong, and we can help each other through with encouragement and patience. With listening ears and a desire to help one another out.

How long have you been a military spouse?

How Raising a Child On The Autism Spectrum Helps Me As A Military Wife

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How Raising a Child On The Autism Spectrum Helps Me As A Military Wife

Raising a child on the autism spectrum has taught me a lot over the years. There are so many lessons to be learned when your child needs a little extra help and a little extra patience. Some of these lessons have helped me as a military wife and through the years of everything that comes with being a military family.

How Raising a Child On The Autism Spectrum Helps Me As A Military Wife

Life doesn’t always look the way you think it should

One of the biggest lessons I have learned by having a child on the autism spectrum is that life doesn’t always look the way you think it will. Your children will surprise you. You will do things differently than you thought you would.

Military life is the same. You can’t really plan what your military journey will be like. You won’t be able to tell when your spouse joins the military how many times they will deploy or how many times you will have to PCS. You will need to adjust your mindset so that you are not frustrated by every little thing that military life brings.

Not everything is going to be “Pinterest” perfect, and that’s okay

There is a certain type of pressure in this social media world to make everything “Pinterest” perfect from our kid’s birthday parties or snacks for their class. With a special needs child, a lot of what you do is simply making it through the day making sure they have what they need.

The same is true with military life. Somedays you have to just make it to the finish line. Others, you might have a little more time, but please remind yourself, not everything has to look like it does on Pinterest.

How Raising a Child On The Autism Spectrum Helps Me As A Military Wife

Don’t sweat the small stuff

As a mom of an autistic kid, I have had to let a lot of things go every day. I have to pick my battles. Not everything is worth a fight. I simply do not have the energy or even the desire for it.

As a military spouse, I also am not going to worry about every little thing. I am going to do my best, make the right choices, and go from there. Trying to worry about everything is going to burn you out.

You need to ask for help

This has been the hardest thing for me to do. Asking for help. I want to do everything by myself. But there have been plenty of people who have helped my son along the way. Without them, I am not sure where we would be.

Being a military spouse, there are of course times when my husband is not home. For the most part, I can handle what comes my way by myself. But sometimes, I do need that extra help. And I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it.

How Raising a Child On The Autism Spectrum Helps Me As A Military Wife

Good friends are a must

Over the years I have made some pretty amazing friends that have been a good support system for me and my kids. They are understanding of my son’s autism and have helped me through the journey. I am not sure what I would have done without them.

In the same way, finding good friends has helped me as a military wife. From being other people who get what we go through to being a listening ear. Good friends are a must for so many reasons.

Whether you have special needs kids or not, they are always going to teach you something. You will learn through parenting them, and that will be a good thing. Even if it feels like you are not doing everything right, you can still grow from the process.

Do you have kids on the autism spectrum too? What have they taught you?

Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

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Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

Initially written in 2018!

I always wonder what is next. Will he deploy? Will he stay home? Will he be home more than he is away? As I ponder what this year will bring, I am reminded of what it means to be married to someone serving in the military.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, my husband can be away from us, whether it is for days, weeks, months, or even years. And when he is gone, I stay home and make the best of the situation, knowing he is serving his country in the way he knows how.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have found friendship with others who have gone through the same thing. We have spent the holidays together and have become like family to one another. We have each other’s backs and know we can depend on one another when we need that extra support.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, what happens on the news affects me in very personal ways. If they say they are sending more troops over there, I worry my husband might be one of them. And then I remind myself that this is what Army service is all about.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I try to be strong even if I don’t always feel that way. Sometimes I merely survive during a deployment instead of thrive, even if that is my goal. I have to take one day at a time, one hour at a time in some cases.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have moved several times. Starting over in a new place, a new state, a new country. I have learned how to adapt, how to be apart, and how to handle homesickness.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have learned how to be more patient, how to get through the impossible, how to make the best of a difficult situation. I have learned how to handle what this life brings me, even if somedays that doesn’t seem very possible.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I know I am a part of something amazing. I am a part of something historical. I have those who have come before me, in wars past, from who I can learn. I have those who I walk beside today, going through what I am also dealing with.

Because I am a soldier’s wife, figuring out what I want to do has been more of a challenge. His career comes first. If he is gone all summer, how will I adjust? If he is gone for a year, how will I make my dreams come true? If I am the only parent for months at a time, how will I have time to work on myself?

Because I am a soldier’s wife, I have learned so much in the years since my husband has joined. I have learned about myself, my marriage, and the world in general. I have gained more than I have lost.

I wonder what the next 12 months will look like. Will this year be one of the harder ones, or will we have a bit of a break? Who knows. I just know that I am doing all of this with my husband by my side, with my friends who understand, and with an attitude that I can get through anything this crazy life throws at me.

Because I Married a Soldier: Life as a Military Spouse

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

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Last week was a killer for me. Not only did I lose my iPhone to a pool accident, but my car had a lot of issues, and my best friend here at Ft. Campbell moved away. We met in the summer of 2011 and became fast friends. A few of our boys are best buddies, too. I knew it was coming. I knew she would be leaving right when summer started. I didn’t want to think about it too much because it made me sad, but I knew it was there.

When you are in the military community, you know people are going to move all the time. Sometimes you find someone, hit it off, only to find out they are moving in a few months. This has happened to me several times. But spending almost 4 years together is such a treat. It doesn’t happen often, and I am so happy it happened with us.

But last week I had to say goodbye and it was hard. When it was time to say that last, “see you later…” it seemed a little unreal. Even though I knew it was coming, it was hard to let go.

The last time I said goodbye to a friend like this, I was the one moving. This was the first time I was the one staying, and it feels a little different. While she is on to her next adventure, I am still here trying to find my place now that she’s gone.

I have gone through some stages during the last few months, stages I think anyone who has said goodbye to a dear friend has been through.

Getting the news

This is when you first find out your friend is moving. Their spouse got orders. They have an ETS date. They know when they will be leaving the area.

You take it in stride. You don’t worry too much about it because it is 3 months, 6 months, maybe a year into the future. You feel like you have plenty of time before you have to say goodbye. Plus, things change a lot. Nothing is certain in military life until it happens.

It is coming

So your friend tells you they now have a move-out date, plane tickets, or a range of days they will be leaving the area. This is really going to happen. Your friend is really going to move.

This is when you start to worry about life after they have gone. Who will you sit around and talk about everything and nothing with? Who will you call when you need an emergency babysitter? Who will you make plans with when your husbands are both away or working?

You start to panic a little at the thought. But still. Since it is still weeks away, you try not to get too sad about it.

The Moving Truck

This is real, folks. You see the move with your own eyes. When you walk into your friend’s house, you no longer see that couch you used to sit on when you talked about the ills of the world; you see empty spaces and boxes. You see movers and packing lists, and you realize that they are, in fact, moving and it will be soon. That they really are PCSing away from you.

The Goodbye

You make plans that last week. You want to spend as much time together as possible. You have to work around schedules, and you have to remind yourself that this might be the last time you can actually hang out. And then a few hours open up, and you can get together again. Until you know it has to be the last time.

You know this because they are leaving the area in a few hours. And while you are hanging out together, you realize that it is time to go home, and it will be time to say that last goodbye. That moment you have ignored for months is finally here. And you say goodbye or see you later, and all the time you had together flashes before you, and you wonder where all the time went.

You think of the future and how her little two-year-old might be a lot older when you see each other again. You think about what life will be like without her around, and it hurts a little. You wish her and her family well. You are happy for them that they get to move on to their next adventure.

The Future

You will never ever forget about your friend. You will text, email, and share photos on Facebook. You will hear about their new life and share more about yours.

You will eventually make plans to see each other again, even if it is years from now. You get to a place where, although you miss her like crazy, you accept she is gone and look to move on. You think about the other people in your life and how you still have a good circle around you.

You think about how you will eventually be the one to leave, having to say goodbye to many people when that time comes. You think about how you are a strong military spouse who has been through worse.

It’s hard to say goodbye to a friend, especially one you were very close to. But at the same time, it is something you can deal with and work through.

Have you been through saying goodbye to a good friend? How did you deal with it all?

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

Is Rank Really An Issue When It Comes To Making Friends As A Military Spouse?

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Did you ever watch Army Wives? You know how those military spouses are all such good friends despite their spouses’ rank? Is that even possible? Well, yes, and no.

While there are some cases when two spouses probably wouldn’t be friends because of rank, I think, for the most part, spouses don’t care. I would question the level of friendship between some of those characters on Army Wives, but in the end, I think they could all be friendly with one another if nothing else.

There are very few military spouses who ask a potential friend what their spouse’s rank is before they decide to befriend them. In my real-life experience of being an Army wife, usually, a spouse’s rank comes out but it is not something that you use to evaluate a friendship.

Usually, the conversation goes something like this, “we are PCSing to Fort Campbell and I wonder what E-5 housing is like” or, “once he goes to such and such a school, he will make E-7.” It is usually never, “Well, I can only be friends with spouses of E-6 and above.”

Rank is brought up as a simple fact of their service member’s time in the military, not something to rub in someone else’s face.

Rank shouldn’t be used to bring other people down and make them feel less than. Among us spouses, rank isn’t or shouldn’t be a big issue.

This isn’t to say that no one out there is like that, I am sure you could find someone who thinks that way. But in my experience, these people are not the norm.

You know why? Because most military spouses are really just trying to make friends. We all pretty much want the same thing, to be included, to find our people, and to have fun along the way.

We don’t care what your spouse does, we just want to know that you can relate to being a military spouse, at least in one way or another.

We don’t care how high up your spouse is, we just want to know that you have days when you miss them just as much as we miss our own and that we can laugh about that together.

We don’t care if there is an E by their rank or an O, we just want to know that we are not the only ones serving cereal for dinner sometimes and that feel overwhelmed by too many deployments.

Going through military life alone isn’t the best way to go and finding friends wherever you live is going to make this life a lot easier. Finding your people is going to help you through those lonely nights and crazy mornings. Knowing someone has your back is going to give you the bit of peace you need for this military lifestyle.

So if you are a new military spouse, try not to worry about people not wanting to friend you because of your spouse’s rank. I can’t promise that won’t happen, there are going to be those people out there. But I do know that most of us don’t care about that.

We want to know what your hobbies are, how old your kids are, what you like to read, what you like to watch, what your dreams are, what your fears are, and so on. 

And with time you will find the ones you will walk through this life with. The ones that will make you a better person. The ones you will befriend and have in your life from here on out.

Making friends as a military spouse is a must, no matter what rank your spouse might be. If you are new to your duty station, get out there and see what is going on. Figure out places to go to meet other spouses. Join your local spouse’s groups, and work towards finding those friendships. Doing so will be worth your time.

What do you think? Have you ever had trouble making friends because of your spouse’s rank? What did you do about it?

The Military Spouse

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The Military Spouse

The military spouse, the one who has chosen to stand beside a soldier, a marine, an airman, a coastie, a guardian, or a sailor. To go with them from place to place. To support them through their career choice, and beyond.

The military spouse, whose dreams of married life probably looked a little different than they are now. She thought they could buy a house down the street from her family. He thought she would always be home with him. The military spouse, whose reality is far from the expected.

The military spouse, who finds herself on an airplane with a toddler, traveling to her new home in Germany. The military spouse, whose children will be born in three different states, and two different countries. The military spouse, who gave birth with her mom by her side, instead of her partner, wishing things didn’t have to be this way.

The military spouse is told she or he is strong, but the truth is, sometimes we don’t feel that way. Sometimes we feel like we weren’t cut out to make it in this life. Sometimes we feel like the burden is too heavy, and the stress is too much.

We see how much our spouse loves what they do, whether it is going to the desert, or living on a ship. Whether it is flying an airplane, or working as a mechanic. Whatever they do in the military, we know this was the right choice, and we want to stand by their decision, even if doing so is hard.

When you marry someone who wants to serve their country by serving in the military, you also have to know that you have married someone that will have a unique job. You will have to understand that many of your friends might not get the life.

“Why can’t you guys come home for Christmas?”

“Can’t he tell them he doesn’t want to go?”

“I could never do it”

But you figure out pretty quickly that this military life is your life. And while your civilian friends might not be able to relate to everything you are going through, you know that they can be there for you, just like you can be there for them, for whatever they are going through.

The military spouse will have to go days, weeks, and even months apart from your loved one. And for some, even years. We have to solo parent, making decisions alone that would normally be made by both parents. We have to step in and step up when it isn’t always easy to do so.

The military spouse finds themselves on a journey they couldn’t have dreamed of. We find ourselves having all these adventures, from living down the street from an actual castle to finding friends that are more like family, going through life together, even if it is virtually.

The military spouse lives their military life the best way they can. Not all military spouses are the same, and we all bring our individual likes and dislikes, personalities, and gifts to the community. We can help one another out, be the community we need, and grow through our challenges together.

The military spouse is a part of a community that goes beyond anything they could have imagined. Because of this life a military spouse can say they literally have friends around the world.

The military spouse may have to wait, and that is always a difficult thing to do. But they also get to say hello again, running into their lover’s arms. They can grow through the challenges, and can find unique and creative ways to get through the deployments and other times part.

The military spouse may have to move every few years. That is not going to be easy to do. But by doing so they can learn about different parts of the country and world. They can bloom where they are stationed, and create and find community wherever they go.

The military spouse is the heart of the home. The constant in the changing waters of military life. The one who tries to pull everything all together.

The military spouse doesn’t always feel strong but can find ways to get through it all. Taking each challenge day-by-day, and reminding themselves that this is their life, and it can be a good one, filled with lots of fun memories, seasons of growth, and many amazing friends.

To the Seasoned Military Spouse

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the seasoned spouse

The truth is, you might be a seasoned military spouse, you might have advice to offer and you have definitely been there before, but you are also a human being.

You have done this before, deployments aren’t a new thing, and you feel like you have to be strong, for all the new military spouses around you.

But the reality is, after the FRG meeting is over, after you get home and crawl into bed, your heart still worries over this upcoming deployment. You wonder how you will get through another nine months apart. You wonder if this will be the deployment something bad happens, how many times can someone go over there and come back the same?

Just Because You Are a Seasoned Military Spouse…

Even as a seasoned military spouse, you have the right to miss your spouse too.

You have the right to not have all the answers.

You have the right to be the one that needs the shoulder to cry on instead of the other way around.

No Matter How Long You Have Been A Military Spouse

Because no matter how long you have been a military spouse, no matter how long you have lived a military life, you might never be fully prepared for your own emotions during the difficult parts.

As a seasoned spouse, you know that you can’t spend the whole deployment complaining, but it is okay to share with your close friends that you are having a hard time.

As a seasoned spouse, you probably look back on everything you have been through and wonder how you got to where you are today. You remember when you were the brand new spouse, walking onto your very first military installation, unsure of what the future held.

Looking for Deployment Advice?:

19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

Sharing Your Personal Story is Important

As a seasoned spouse, you know you can help other military spouses and sharing your personal story can help them more than you might realize.

I know for myself, I have always looked at those who have been doing this longer than I have, and have been able to learn what worked for them, and even what didn’t.

There is this idea that in order to support your military service member you have to appear as an unmovable tower of strength. And maybe you don’t always feel like you are. Maybe you too need some encouragement.

It’s Okay to Ask For Help

So, to the seasoned military spouse, know that you have a lot to offer but you can also be the one asking for help. You can be the one that needs to vent, and you can be the one that just needs a night off from the stress.

The military changes over time and what things were like in 1999 were different than in 2009 and different even more here in 2019.

You might start to feel that what worked for you 10 years ago won’t work again now, and maybe that is true. However, you are resilient and you will find ways to cope, even if this new age of the military.

Be kind to yourself, take breaks when you can, and know that you can get through this too. Learn your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses. Reach out to others for help, and help those around you that might need that little extra support.

Do you consider yourself a seasoned military spouse?

To the Seasoned Military Spouse