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Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

January 26, 2018 by Julie

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

I have been a member of the military community and been living the military spouse life for about 12.5 years now. During that time I have met so many military spouses. Both in person and online.

I can’t help but look back over the years and the people I have met. How some of them have this military life down pat and others struggle a little bit more. My heart is with the military community and will always be, no matter how many years take me away from my personal experience with this life.

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

From when their spouse first leaves for boot camp until they try to make their way through the transition back to civilian life, we military spouses have to go through situations that others do not.

We put our spouse on an airplane and send them off to one of the most dangerous places in the world. We do this holding the hands of our children that don’t quite understand why Daddy has to be away for so long. We do this knowing they have a dangerous job and they might not come back. We do this because deep down we know that support our spouse is what we must do, through this crazy military life.

We, military spouses, make friends with people from all over the country and the world. We might be coming from different places with different backgrounds but we have one thing in common, the love of our service member and the desire to support them throughout their career. I might have grown up in California and you might have grown up in Alaska but we can bond over our love of books and the craziness of raising children in the military world.

We, military spouses, might have to move to the middle of nowhere, away from anything we have ever known.

We might have to give up our own career, even if just for a few years. We might feel a bit lost not knowing what we should be focusing on during this time of our lives. But this just gives us a reason to think outside the box and figure out a way to make our dreams come true, even within the military lifestyle.

We, military spouses, have to learn how to adjust even when we really don’t want to. We might love where we are stationed and then one day our spouse comes home and tells us we are moving to the other side of the country, in a place we never wanted to go. We have to bloom where we are stationed but sometimes that is easier than others, especially if there is a beach nearby.

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

We, military spouses, get to go places and see things we would never have had our spouse never joined the military.

I have a child that was born in Germany! Another country! Sometimes I think about that and take a step back in this crazy life that we made just because of my husband enlisted one day in 2005.

We, military spouses, have seen hardships. We have seen friends lose their husbands, either to war or years later to something else. We have seen marriages that seemed so strong fall apart.

We, military spouses, have seen our own husbands act differently than we ever thought they would. The fact is, war changes people and when your husband has been to war, he will change. Some service members handle these changes better than others. Some don’t handle them at all.

And yet, the military spouse tries her best to support her spouse through everything, even as things do not go as planned.

When I meet new military spouses, I want to hug them. And I am not a big hugger. I want to let them know that this life they started is going to be a crazy one but in a lot of ways, it will also be a good one.

They might not be the same person five or ten years from now but because of this crazy military life they will grow and will most likely become a better person through everything they have to deal with. That this military life will not always be easy, that they might cry a lot and that friends will come and go. That their faith will be shaken and made stronger. That their ideas about marriage and even motherhood will be shaken to the core.

Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

If you are a new military spouse, know that you are now apart of a strong community that wants to help you through what you will encounter in the years to come. If you are not such a new military spouse, know that what you have been through has made you stronger and will allow you to help others in the future. Don’t be afraid to share your stories and your experiences, they can help.

As you are living your military spouse life, take it one day at a time if you need to. And remember, you are stronger than you think.

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life, military spouse

Can Anyone Make it as a Military Spouse?

January 8, 2018 by Julie

Can Anyone Make it as a Military Spouse?

I have often believed that no matter who you are, where you came from, as long as you love your service member, you can get through anything. When my civilian friends tell me they could never do what I do, I want to tell them they could if they had married a service member too.

There have even been times in the past, before my husband joined the military, when I didn’t think I could do it either.

But, can anyone really be a military spouse? Can anyone who marries someone who serves figure out a way to make this work?

When most people get married, they assume they will be married until death do us part. Who wants to go into a marriage with divorce as the goal? But the truth is, not all marriages last, and not all marriages can survive the military.

Can anyone make it as a military spouse? That depends.

Some people can get through anything the military life brings them. This should be the goal. Working through the stressful situations, working on their marriage, and trying to figure out a way to get through it all.

Some military spouses married their service member years before they joined up. In these cases, life gets thrown entirely on its head when they join. Everything changes and that can be such an adjustment for the service member, military spouse, and children.

For others, marrying the love of their life meant becoming a military spouse on their wedding day, unsure of the adventures, or struggles they might run into in the future. Their new marriage is thrown together with the newness of military life.

In either case, the military spouse can feel like her world is falling apart, that they can’t make it through that deployment, that they are not quite cut out for this life.

I have felt this way myself. I would get to a place where I just didn’t see how I could keep doing this. Where everything was a little too much. Where I didn’t want to do the military life anymore.

But then, I remembered that I did indeed marry a soldier, even if he wasn’t actively serving at the time. I reminded myself that this is a part of who my husband is and that in the end, I can stand by him through whatever I need to. That my love for him and my want for us to be together will be more important than any lonely night or hardship the military comes my way.

 

That being said, this isn’t the case for everyone.

For some, this life isn’t something they can keep doing. They hit a wall for whatever reason. Sometimes they hit this wall because there has been betrayal in the marriage. Can you truly trust someone across the miles when they have cheated before? Sometimes there is abuse, or the couple cannot work out their difficulties.

The truth is, we don’t always know what other people are going through, we don’t know what happens in their marriage, and we don’t know what they have been through in the past. Compassion is a must.

While going into this life believing you can make it through is a must, know that if you were not able to, that if things did get too difficult, that if you are no longer a military spouse, that you have a right to do what is best for you. That you did what you could, and that no one should be judging you for doing what is best for your own family.

What do you think? Can anyone make it as a military spouse?

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life, military spouse

Gaining Independence as a Dependent Military Spouse

December 18, 2017 by Julie

Gaining Independence as a Dependent Military Spouse

From the military’s point of view, the spouse and the children of a service member are considered military dependents. This word, “dependent” isn’t always easy to take. The word means we are dependent on someone else, on something else. That we might not get a say, even if we want one. Decisions will be made that affect us profoundly, that we have no control over.

Gaining Independence as a Dependent Military Spouse

And while we understand this is what the military calls us, through our years as a military spouse, we gain independence. We gain this skill when we go months at a time without our spouse by our side. We gain it when we have to move away from our comfort zone. We gain independence because we have to and because there is no other choice to do so.

The military pushes you to be independent

When your spouse leaves for the first time, whether they are gone for a short training exercise, basic training, or their first deployment, you will be pushed into independence in ways you otherwise wouldn’t be. Even simple things such as taking out the trash, buying the groceries, and putting the kids to bed will all fall to you. You will learn how to do what you need to do to keep things going in your home, your job, and with your kids.

Gaining Independence as a Dependent Military Spouse

The military life teaches you more than you thought possible

While you know you will have to be more independent in this life, what you learn from the time apart might even surprise you. Military spouses are often stronger and can deal with more than they think they can. Through being forced into a more independent role, you will learn more than you ever could have imagined.

That independence will help you in all areas of your life

The independence you gain from living the military spouse life will help you in all areas of your life. You will find that you can get through different hurdles you didn’t think that you could. You will become a little more confident in your parenting abilities. That your independence will even help you on your career path.

Gaining Independence as a Dependent Military Spouse

That gaining that independence can hurt sometimes, even if it is a good thing

Some military spouses go straight from their parent’s house to their first home with their servicemember. They might not have ever lived on their own before then. This new world can be quite scary and having to step out of your comfort zone doesn’t always feel good. There will be times over your years as a military spouse when gaining that independence might hurt, but that is all apart of the growing experience.


Being independent is a good thing. That skill will take you far. Even though the military calls you a dependent, know that you will become more independent over the years and that by doing so you can help achieve any goal you might have.

How have you become more independent during your time as a military spouse? 

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life, military spouse

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

July 4, 2017 by Julie

 

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

America, home of the free, because of the brave. This is something we see all over the place. We find this phrase on t-shirts, on banners, and on websites. We say in our Facebook posts, to our family members, and think about what the phrase means when we do.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

To me, this reminds us that we are a free society. I can be a Christian, my neighbor can be a Muslim, and we both have rights in this country. We can worship as we like. We don’t have to conform to a state religion. We don’t have to worship anyone we don’t want to worship.

We are free to pursue our happiness, to not be arrested for talking bad about the President, and to be able to speak out against things we don’t agree with. No one will round us up for that.

 

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

This means that others have come before us to make sure that we have the freedoms we do. Whether they fought against the English in the 1700s, fought against injustice in the world in the 1940s, or fought against terrorism in the middle east in more recent times.

As a military spouse, I look at my husband and all the others who have come before him. The men and women who are the ones who have helped keep our country free. Those that gave up part of their own life, or all of their own lives for us to be able to live our lives the way that we do.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

Being brave isn’t easy. When I think about how brave people in history had to be, it takes my breath away. To stand and fight for a cause and to not know what would happen. To know that they could lose their own lives for that cause and while doing so would make this world a better place, they would not be able to see it happen.

To be brave not only for today but for future generations. To be brave in the face of evil. To give up what others can’t. To stand proud for a country. To stand proud for doing the right thing.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

As America looks to the future, I hope that all of us can work towards the best interests of those living in our country. From sea to shining sea I hope that good things come out of any hardships and that those that continue to serve in any way are always respected.

I hope that every year we can remember what we have been through and where we have been. That we can remember those that came before and look to the heroes of the future who will continue to do good for the benefit of our country.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

I know this means sacrifice. I know this means more pain for some people. But I know that bravery is never a bad thing and that I am thankful for those who have been brave to help our country.

Whether they signed up for military service, whether they work tirelessly in our local communities, or whether they take a stand for liberty and justice for all in all the different ways than at American can.

 Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

 

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: America, Freedom, military

What Memorial Day is All About

May 26, 2017 by Julie

What Memorial Day is All About

What Memorial Day is All About

 

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“A hero is someone who has given his of her life to something bigger than oneself.” — Joesph Campbell 

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“These fallen heroes represent the character of a nation who has a long history of patriotism and honor – and a nation who has fought many battles to keep our country free from threats of terror.” — Michael N. Castle 

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.” — Jeff Miller

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” — John F. Kennedy

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Each of the patriots whom we remember on this day was first a beloved son or daughter, a brother or sister, or a spouse, friend, and neighbor.” — George H. W. Bush

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“It was the transcendent fortitude and steadfastness of these men who in adversity and in suffering through the darkest hour of our history held faithful to an ideal. Here men endured that a nation might live.” — Herbert Hoover

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay, but we can honor their sacrifice.” — Barack Obama

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.” — Harry S. Truman

Memorial Day
 

“Looking across this field, we see the scale of heroism and sacrifice. All who are buried here understood their duty. All stood to protect America. And all carried with them memories of a family that they hoped to keep safe by their sacrifice.” — George W. Bush

 
May we always remember those who have given up everything in order for the rest of us to stay free…

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life

The Day Before They Deploy

April 10, 2017 by Julie

The Day Before They Deploy

I wrote this post in 2013, a day before my husband left on his 4th deployment. No OPSEC rules have been broken.

This is the last day. How did this happen so fast? The deployment was coming up for so long and now the day is almost here. He is at work. They have him at work the day before he goes. Why Army why? You get him for the next nine months, why can’t I have him all day today?

I just want to freeze time…but then I don’t. I want time to move forward, but I don’t want to have to spend all that time without him.

Nine months. Maybe more. Maybe less. I will take each day at a time, each hour if I have to.

Some days will be good. We will have fun. We won’t miss him quite as much. Other days will be hard. There will be a lot of tears. Homecoming will feel so far away.

Will he be ok? Will we see him again? These are the questions I have to ask. I have to. Not everyone comes home from war. Most likely he will. The odds are in our favor. But still…I wonder. Is this it? Is this all we have?

I dread tomorrow. D day. The day he leaves.

The driving to drop him off. The last kiss. The last hug. Watching the person I tell everything to walk away is heartbreaking. Knowing they will be in danger is terrifying. Thinking about living apart makes me bawl.

Deployment #4. How did we get here? How is it possible? It hasn’t even been TWO years yet. Uh!

So many emotions. So many feelings.

I dread the first day. Walking around the house, looking at his stuff. From the coffeemaker he won’t be using for a while to his clothes that won’t be worn until next year. Remembering how the night before he left we sat together and watched that one movie, how just a couple of days ago we were out back BBQing together and how last year at this time we were getting ready for a family trip to California.

I think about how much he will miss.

Summer. The start of school. Birthdays. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. All that comes with the holiday season. The snow might come, and he will still be over there.

I think about what I will focus on to get me through. My boys. My blog. My garden. My books.

I wonder how much I will grow as a person. I wonder how much he will grow.

How will we be different? Will we struggle to connect again? Will this be the deployment that breaks us?

As I sit here, the day before my husband has to go, all I can feel is dread. Knowing that this time tomorrow I will be in tears. But also knowing that this time tomorrow is one day closer to him returning and our countdown can begin.

Have you just started a deployment? If so, check out my other blog posts on deployment and make sure to join my Facebook support group. 

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

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Filed Under: Deployment Tagged With: Deployment, military, military spouse, milspouse life

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

April 4, 2017 by Julie

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

There is something about a military spouse friendship. We can be there for one another through all of our military challenges. From deployments to pcsing, friends will make this life easier.

Sometimes finding friends can take a long time, sometimes it happens right away. Here are some memes all about military spouse friendship. Enjoy!

Military friendships

I don’t like to say goodbye, I like to say see you later. It’s an easier thing to say. 

 

Military friendships

I love how we can meet and connect with others from all over the world during our time as a military spouse! 

 

Military friendships

One thing is clear, you will always have your memories.
Even if you don’t see your friends for a while, you always have the moments you spent together. 

 

Military friendships

Our friends will probably be from all over but that’s the best part. We can learn from one another’s experiences and share our own. 

 

Military friendships

Yes! We always need people we can be free to vent to about the deployment. We know we would do the same for them. 

 

Military friendships

Sometimes when you or your friend move, you will never live near each other again. But good friends, you stay together, even if you are no longer in the same time zone. 

 

Military friendships

Finding a good friend can change everything!

 

Military friendships

#4, calling a good friend can be a great thing to do during a bad deployment day!

 

Military friendships

That would be the best! Your spent 2008-2011 together in Italy and now you will spend 2017-2019 together in California. Thank you Military!

 

Military friendships

Keep putting yourself out there. You will eventually meet some good people to connect with. 

 

Military friendships

Being kind is a must. It makes you a good friend. 

 

Military friendships

This couldn’t be truer; friends are lucky to have. 

 

Military friendships

Sometimes it is hard to put yourself out there. Keep doing so. You never know who you might meet.

Here are some posts on friendship as a military spouse…

 What To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station!

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends When You Are A Military Spouse

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life, Milspouse

What You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse Life

April 3, 2017 by Julie

What You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse LifeWhat You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse Life

Drama. It’s everywhere, isn’t? You want to stay away but you can’t. You want to get out there and make friends, but you don’t want the drama that comes with that. The truth is, drama is everywhere, but you don’t have to let the frustration take over your experiences. You don’t have to make the drama the center of your world.

Here is what you can do to stay away from the drama beyond staying in your home with the doors locked. (Because sometimes that seems like the best plan.)

Walk away

It’s simple. If you see drama, walk away. You don’t have to be a part of the drama if it doesn’t concern you or something you are a part of. Sometimes when we get bored, drama sounds exciting, and we want to be a part of it, even if the situation isn’t our business. Just walk away.

Be choosy

When you are making friends, be choosy. If you meet someone and they seem to be all about the drama, keep your distance. You can still be nice to people and not get involved in their drama. You might have to work with people you don’t always get along with, that is life, but if you can set up boundaries for yourself, you will be better off. Keep in mind that most people who gossip about other people will probably turn around and do the same to you in the future.

What You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse Life

Be kind

If you can be kind to others, the kindness will spread. People are less likely to be rude and disrespectful when other people around them are being kind. This doesn’t mean you have to take it when other people are rude to you. You don’t have to put up with that, but you can also be kind in your responses to the way you handle those people. Being kind is a good trait to model for your kids as well. In their friendships and relationships with others.

Don’t engage

A lot of drama comes from engaging with others about the issue is. Pick your battles. Is it worth getting into a fight with the person down the street? Should you go after someone you met at the FRG meeting? When you have to live around other people, try to keep the peace. Of course, this isn’t always possible but check yourself before you engage someone else about their behavior and make sure letting go wouldn’t be the better thing to do.

Don’t be a rumor mill

Don’t spread rumors and make things worse, especially about other people. If someone tells you something in confidence, keep that to yourself. You don’t need to be sharing secrets if someone asked you not to. That is how you can break a friendship. If you hear something about someone you know, don’t assume the rumor is true. What you heard could have been made up by someone else.

Be the bigger person

At the end of the day, be the bigger person. Don’t go off on someone that annoyed you in a Facebook group. Let things go. You don’t even have to respond to their behavior. If you get involved in a situation with someone on your military community, try to be the bigger person. Seek advice from good friends on what you should do. Don’t feel like you have to get revenge on everyone who has wronged you. Hating other people will bring you down. So be the bigger person. That will make your life easier.

Talk things out

If you do run into a situation with someone else, talk things out. See if you can come to an understanding. Sometimes the drama is because two or more people don’t understand one another. And if you could talk things out, the situation can get cleared up, without a lot of drama.

At the end of the day, remember, you can’t make everyone like you, and you can’t please the whole world. You got to be you, and you also need to live in peace in your community. Yes, there is going to be drama, but you don’t have to be a part of that drama. Do what you can to stay away and live a better military spouse life.

Have you experienced milspouse drama? What did you do about it?

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life, military living, military spouse, Milspouse

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I have been a military spouse for 16 years!

My husband of 19 years has served in the active-duty Army and now the Army National Guard. We have lived in Germany & Tennessee during our time as a military family.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you 🙂

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