Living the Crazy Military Spouse Life, One Day at a Time

I have been a member of the military community and been living the military spouse life for about 12.5 years now. During that time I have met so many military spouses. Both in person and online.

I can’t help but look back over the years and the people I have met. How some of them have this military life down pat and others struggle a little bit more. My heart is with the military community and will always be, no matter how many years take me away from my personal experience with this life.

From when their spouse first leaves for boot camp until they try to make their way through the transition back to civilian life, we military spouses have to go through situations that others do not.

We put our spouse on an airplane and send them off to one of the most dangerous places in the world. We do this holding the hands of our children that don’t quite understand why Daddy has to be away for so long. We do this knowing they have a dangerous job and they might not come back. We do this because deep down we know that support our spouse is what we must do, through this crazy military life.

We, military spouses, make friends with people from all over the country and the world. We might be coming from different places with different backgrounds but we have one thing in common, the love of our service member and the desire to support them throughout their career. I might have grown up in California and you might have grown up in Alaska but we can bond over our love of books and the craziness of raising children in the military world.

We, military spouses, might have to move to the middle of nowhere, away from anything we have ever known.

We might have to give up our own career, even if just for a few years. We might feel a bit lost not knowing what we should be focusing on during this time of our lives. But this just gives us a reason to think outside the box and figure out a way to make our dreams come true, even within the military lifestyle.

We, military spouses, have to learn how to adjust even when we really don’t want to. We might love where we are stationed and then one day our spouse comes home and tells us we are moving to the other side of the country, in a place we never wanted to go. We have to bloom where we are stationed but sometimes that is easier than others, especially if there is a beach nearby.

We, military spouses, get to go places and see things we would never have had our spouse never joined the military.

I have a child that was born in Germany! Another country! Sometimes I think about that and take a step back in this crazy life that we made just because of my husband enlisted one day in 2005.

We, military spouses, have seen hardships. We have seen friends lose their husbands, either to war or years later to something else. We have seen marriages that seemed so strong fall apart.

We, military spouses, have seen our own husbands act differently than we ever thought they would. The fact is, war changes people and when your husband has been to war, he will change. Some service members handle these changes better than others. Some don’t handle them at all.

And yet, the military spouse tries her best to support her spouse through everything, even as things do not go as planned.

When I meet new military spouses, I want to hug them. And I am not a big hugger. I want to let them know that this life they started is going to be a crazy one but in a lot of ways, it will also be a good one.

They might not be the same person five or ten years from now but because of this crazy military life they will grow and will most likely become a better person through everything they have to deal with. That this military life will not always be easy, that they might cry a lot and that friends will come and go. That their faith will be shaken and made stronger. That their ideas about marriage and even motherhood will be shaken to the core.

If you are a new military spouse, know that you are now apart of a strong community that wants to help you through what you will encounter in the years to come. If you are not such a new military spouse, know that what you have been through has made you stronger and will allow you to help others in the future. Don’t be afraid to share your stories and your experiences, they can help.

As you are living your military spouse life, take it one day at a time if you need to. And remember, you are stronger than you think.

Can Anyone Make it as a Military Spouse?

I have often believed that no matter who you are, where you came from, as long as you love your service member, you can get through anything. When my civilian friends tell me they could never do what I do, I want to tell them they could if they had married a service member too.

There have even been times in the past, before my husband joined the military, when I didn’t think I could do it either.

But, can anyone really be a military spouse? Can anyone who marries someone who serves figure out a way to make this work?

When most people get married, they assume they will be married until death do us part. Who wants to go into a marriage with divorce as the goal? But the truth is, not all marriages last, and not all marriages can survive the military.

Can anyone make it as a military spouse? That depends.

Some people can get through anything the military life brings them. This should be the goal. Working through the stressful situations, working on their marriage, and trying to figure out a way to get through it all.

Some military spouses married their service member years before they joined up. In these cases, life gets thrown entirely on its head when they join. Everything changes and that can be such an adjustment for the service member, military spouse, and children.

For others, marrying the love of their life meant becoming a military spouse on their wedding day, unsure of the adventures, or struggles they might run into in the future. Their new marriage is thrown together with the newness of military life.

In either case, the military spouse can feel like her world is falling apart, that they can’t make it through that deployment, that they are not quite cut out for this life.

I have felt this way myself. I would get to a place where I just didn’t see how I could keep doing this. Where everything was a little too much. Where I didn’t want to do the military life anymore.

But then, I remembered that I did indeed marry a soldier, even if he wasn’t actively serving at the time. I reminded myself that this is a part of who my husband is and that in the end, I can stand by him through whatever I need to. That my love for him and my want for us to be together will be more important than any lonely night or hardship the military comes my way.

That being said, this isn’t the case for everyone.

For some, this life isn’t something they can keep doing. They hit a wall for whatever reason. Sometimes they hit this wall because there has been betrayal in the marriage. Can you truly trust someone across the miles when they have cheated before? Sometimes there is abuse, or the couple cannot work out their difficulties.

The truth is, we don’t always know what other people are going through, we don’t know what happens in their marriage, and we don’t know what they have been through in the past. Compassion is a must.

While going into this life believing you can make it through is a must, know that if you were not able to, that if things did get too difficult, that if you are no longer a military spouse, that you have a right to do what is best for you. That you did what you could, and that no one should be judging you for doing what is best for your own family.

What do you think? Can anyone make it as a military spouse?

Gaining Independence as a Dependent Military Spouse

From the military’s point of view, the spouse and the children of a service member are considered military dependents. This word, “dependent” isn’t always easy to take. The word means we are dependent on someone else, on something else. That we might not get a say, even if we want one. Decisions will be made that affect us profoundly, that we have no control over.

And while we understand this is what the military calls us, through our years as a military spouse, we gain independence. We gain this skill when we go months at a time without our spouse by our side. We gain it when we have to move away from our comfort zone. We gain independence because we have to and because there is no other choice to do so.

The military pushes you to be independent

When your spouse leaves for the first time, whether they are gone for a short training exercise, basic training, or their first deployment, you will be pushed into independence in ways you otherwise wouldn’t be. Even simple things such as taking out the trash, buying the groceries, and putting the kids to bed will all fall to you. You will learn how to do what you need to do to keep things going in your home, your job, and with your kids.

The military life teaches you more than you thought possible

While you know you will have to be more independent in this life, what you learn from the time apart might even surprise you. Military spouses are often stronger and can deal with more than they think they can. Through being forced into a more independent role, you will learn more than you ever could have imagined.

That independence will help you in all areas of your life

The independence you gain from living the military spouse life will help you in all areas of your life. You will find that you can get through different hurdles you didn’t think that you could. You will become a little more confident in your parenting abilities. That your independence will even help you on your career path.

That gaining that independence can hurt sometimes, even if it is a good thing

Some military spouses go straight from their parent’s house to their first home with their servicemember. They might not have ever lived on their own before then. This new world can be quite scary and having to step out of your comfort zone doesn’t always feel good. There will be times over your years as a military spouse when gaining that independence might hurt, but that is all apart of the growing experience.

Being independent is a good thing. That skill will take you far. Even though the military calls you a dependent, know that you will become more independent over the years and that by doing so you can help achieve any goal you might have.

How have you become more independent during your time as a military spouse?