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The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

August 17, 2022 by Julie Leave a Comment

The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

My military spouse life today looks completely different than it did back 15-16 years ago. For one thing, back then, my husband was active duty Army, and we were stationed in Germany. What was going on in the world, and Iraq and Afghanistan at the time were very different than what is going on today.

Technology was a bit different too. We didn’t have as much access to our service members when they were deployed, and it was harder to connect with them overseas.

I still experience the ups and downs of military life. The back and the forth. The good and the bad.

When your spouse first joins the military, or you marry a service member, military life can be a big shock to the system. For some things change a lot. You go from a civilian spouse coming home at 5 on the dot to a deployment. You can go from your parent’s house to your own house halfway around the world. Military life comes with a lot of changes.

But we spouses, we adapt, we have to.

We work to find community. We try to find people we can connect with. We don’t want to go through all of this alone.

We hit the speed bumps, which can really throw us off if we don’t see them coming. We know they might be ahead but we can lie to ourselves and pretend they won’t affect us. But then they do. And we can feel pretty sad about it all.

But then things change. Life changes. Things get easier, if only for a little while.

You might PCS to a new duty station, closer to home. A deployment might get canceled, or you meet someone you click with so well, that you know you will always have each other’s back.

When that happens, you start to feel like you can do it. You can rock whatever comes at you. And you know what? That’s such a wonderful feeling.

But it is okay if that feeling doesn’t last. Because sometimes this military life can be so hard.

I have learned over the years that I have to take care of myself, no matter what is coming my way. I have to find those times for self-care, even within the crazy. I have to find friends to be with and talk with. I have to balance my life so that I don’t become too overwhelmed.

And after all these years, I am still tweaking things. I am still figuring out what works best and how to get through time away from my husband or any other military struggle that comes up.

If you are new to military life, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with.

From TRICARE to PCSing, from the MWR to DEERS. There is so much to know.

The reality is you don’t have to know everything right now. You will learn over time and you will figure out how best to get through this life.

So many military spouses have come before you and will help you on your journey.

There are so many resources out there, from organizations like Blue Star Families offering different events to companies like MilSpouse Conversations offering places to connect and talk with each other. I also have blog posts on topics such as deployments, PCSing, and more.

If you are new to military life, know that there will be ups and downs in this lifestyle. Not every day will be good but not every day will be bad either. And those really bad days? You will figure out ways to get through them. To get to a better place.

What helps you get to a better place when you are feeling down?

If you are in the San Diego area, come to the Spill THEE Tea – Conversations with a milspouse panel sponsored by Blue Star Families on September 8th, 2022 from 6-8 pm PT. Sign up here.

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, military life, military spouse, Military spouse life, Milspouse

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald

February 16, 2022 by Julie Leave a Comment

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald

Exciting news!

Jen McDonald’s book, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse has an updated version!

Since its first publication in 2016, You Are Not Alone has resonated with military spouses, both new and experienced, and ranked as a bestseller in the Military Family and Christian Devotionals categories. Each of the 30 daily readings is written from the perspective of faith.

Readers will find practical tips (“Basic Training for Spouses”), related Scripture, and journal prompts for further reflection. Whether it’s a deployment, move, the challenges of military spouse life, or raising military kids, you’ll find real-life inspiration and hope from someone who’s been there. The 2022 edition has been updated and reformatted for a better reading and journaling experience, along with having a beautiful new cover design. It will be coming soon on audiobook, as well!

Jen McDonald sent me a free copy of the book for review, and I wanted to share a little bit about the book.

First of all, I love how the book is set up. There are 30 days of readings and each day starts with a quote. There is then a bit of a story section, and then actionable advice. This is followed by a scripture, and then some questions to ask yourself. The chapter ends with a prayer.

There are 7 parts:

  • My Identity as a Military Spouse
  • Military Spouse Friendships
  • Military Marriage
  • A Life of Transition: Moving With the Military
  • Dealing With Military Seperations and Deployments
  • Military Family Life
  • God is There in the Small Moments

She has also included some amazing resources in the back of the book.

I would have loved to have read this book as a new military spouse. Back then, I needed all the encouragement I could get. I still do sometimes today!

If you are interested, Jen is also hosting a book study, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse in the Christian Military Spouses Facebook group that started Feb. 9, and anyone is welcome to join. She will be giving some behind-the-scenes insight and comments on each section as well as providing extra questions and journal prompts.

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald is published by Little Things Press and is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other book outlets.

Whether you are a new military spouse, have been one for a while, or even getting ready for the retirement years, this book will encourage you, allow you to put things in perspective, and have a better military spouse life.

Filed Under: Military Life, Movies, Television, and Media Tagged With: books by military spouses, military, military spouse, Milspouse

Missing You, On Christmas

December 15, 2021 by Julie 1 Comment

Missing You, On Christmas

Another Christmas and yet you are gone, across the ocean, serving our country.

We knew this was a part of the deal, and yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. You are gone, away from us, and all we want for Christmas is you.

As the days get closer to the 25th, my heart feels a little less thrilled with the idea that we are so far away from one another. There is something about this holiday, more than any other, that you should be home for. And yet I know, the military doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.

I know as a military spouse, just because I want them to be home doesn’t mean they will be. Just because I think they should be home, doesn’t mean they can be. I have to go with the flow, even if that flow hurts.

As I set up the Christmas tree, I can’t help but hold back a tear. I can’t help but think about the year before when you were here for all this. When you were right by my side as we decided on where each ornament should go.

As I set up the Christmas tree, I think about how hopefully you will be with us next year, and the year after, and the one after that. I hope and pray you never have to be over there during Christmas again. But how realistic is that type of prayer?

As I start to buy presents for our young children, I think about how you won’t be there to see them open them. To see the joy on their faces, and hear them laugh and get excited about Christmas morning.

I think about how I will make sure to record everything so that you don’t miss a thing, but you will anyway. That is just how it is. A million photos never make up for being there, no matter how many you take.

I think about how on Christmas Eve, it will just be me getting everything together. It will just be me putting the kids to bed in their cute Christmas PJs, and just me making sure the cookies and milk are out for Santa. It will just be me pouring some eggnog and watching a Christmas movie late into the night.

We will be missing you on Christmas.

As a military family, we have missed you so many times over the years. You have missed birthdays and anniversaries, and all the little things that make life special. And yet, I can’t help be feel like this is the road we have to be on. That you are a soldier, and I choose to follow you, even if it meant a Christmas away from you. Even if it meant missing you.

I think about how much you have given to this country. And how much more you will give. There will be more times apart, and more Christmases spent in different time zones.

But as I think about missing you on Christmas, I also think about how we can get through this, just like we have before.

You won’t be here for Christmas day, but we will be thinking of one another all the same. That is what we military families do. That is all we can really do when we are hit with missing each other so much.

Christmas won’t be the same, it can’t be, you are not here. But Christmas can still be special and we can still make some memories.

We are missing you on Christmas, as you are missing us. But we will get through this time apart. We always do and make it to the other side.

Filed Under: Deployment Tagged With: Deployment, military, military spouse, Milspouse

To My Children Born After 9/11

September 10, 2021 by Julie

To My Children Born After 9/11

To My Children Born After 9/11

What we can tell our children about that day, the ones that don’t remember the world before everything changed. The ones for whom the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are the norm. The ones for whom terrorism has always been a known threat.

When I was in 1st grade, the Challenger exploded on live TV. I will remember that forever. When my parents were just becoming adults, Kennedy was shot. And so many young adults today might just remember their parents glued to the TV in September of 2001.

When you are a child, and a tragedy happens, you are usually aware that something is going on out of the norm. You might not even remember all the details of that day, but the event sticks with you. You rely on older generations to let you know what happened and what the tragedy meant.

As far as 9/11 is concerned, this is something that happened before my children were born. To them September 11th wasn’t something they lived through, it was something they were told about. 9/11 is something they can look up in their history books and listen to stories from those who were there.

These children, these teenagers, these kids, they don’t know the world in which something like 9/11 didn’t even seem possible. On September 10, 2001, so many of us went to bed expecting the next day to be a typical September day. 9/11 was the phone number you called when you had an emergency; it wasn’t an emergency on its own.

For those in the military, 9/11 changed the directions of their careers. I can’t imagine what my military spouse life would have looked like had 9/11 never happened. If service members had never gone to Iraq or Afghanistan. If there had never been a surge or deployment extensions.

The wars my husband has been in have changed him, changed us, and changed our whole lives. I tried to explain this to my boys. That their Dad, he is a big part of what happened after 9/11. That if that day hadn’t happened, their lives would look very different.

I explained to them that the way to board an aircraft is different. When I was in college, my parents would wait for me at the gate when I flew home for visits. This is such a small change, but I can’t help remembering how things used to be. From having to take your shoes off to being careful about which liquids you bring, flying will never be the same again.

To My Children Born After 9/11

But for my kids? This is the way things are. This is the way they have always been for them. They don’t remember a time before all of this.

So when I talk to my children about 9/11, I want them to know that something we didn’t think would happen did. That we realized the horror that others could commit. That we had to make plans as a country to work towards keeping everyone safe and making sure what happened in New York City, never happened again.

I hope that I can take my boys to NYC someday. I have never been myself, but when we go, I would want them to see the 9/11 memorial. I would want to share more about that day. I want them to learn about the first responders and the heroes that emerged after it happened. I want them to know that history is important and what we learn from the past is what will help us move forward in the future.

How do you talk to your kids that were not yet born when 9/11 happened?

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: 9/11, military, September 11th

Let AAFMAA’s $5,000 CAP Loan Help with Your Summer Bucket List

July 15, 2019 by Julie

This is a sponsored post by AAFMAA!

Let AAFMAA’s $5,000 CAP Loan Help with Your Summer Bucket List

Let AAFMAA’s $5,000 CAP Loan Help with Your Summer Bucket List

By Charlene Wilde

AAFMAA Assistant Secretary

MilSpouses are nothing if not resourceful. With school out and summer in full swing, it’s time for planning family fun, hustling kids to camps and activities, or tackling projects around the house. Personally, I can hardly wait for a break from the frenetic hum of lunch packing, homework, book orders, and running for the bus so I can enjoy a lazy morning with nowhere to be. 

But money doesn’t grow on trees, and we all know that even summer days become tiresome, giving us a renewed focus to plan activities with friends, family trips, and other ways to fill the longer days. So, what are the options to get the funds needed to fuel your goals and summer bucket list? AAFMAA not only understands the military lifestyle, we’re living it right alongside you — and we can make it even easier than you think. 

AAFMAA offers a $5,000 CAP Loan that lets MilSpouses take control and keep their family finances on track. It’s reliable, affordable, and able to help Active Duty military families achieve that secure financial future we all strive for. With a host of other benefits, you won’t get from any other financial solution, it’s our way of continuing to thank you for being part of our AAFMAA family. 

Here’s how our $5,000 CAP Loan stacks up against other options, such as credit cards and other consumer loans: 

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If you’d like to hear more, check out this video on the $5,000 CAP Loan from AAFMAA’s Chief Operating Officer, Carlos Perez. He discusses how you can use the loan any way you want, with a low 1.5% APR and 5 years to pay it back. There’s no credit check, no collateral required, and no prepayment penalties — making it simple to apply and get started on checking off your summer goals. 

Whatever the season has in store, we at AAFMAA are here to help you make it fun, affordable, and part of your ongoing plans for a secure financial future. 

Ready to get started? Visit us online at www.aafmaa.com/cap or call us at (800) 991-0268 with your servicemember spouse to start their application for AAFMAA’s $5,000 CAP Loan today.

Filed Under: Sponsored Post, Money Tagged With: military, military life, Sponsored

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

May 2, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

This post is in partnership with Gillette’s new today.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years now. However, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We lived a civilian life, and he didn’t have to worry about being as clean shaven as he does now.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

Being a service member means you have to stick to a few rules about facial hair, and the length of the hair on your head. As my husband is in the National Guard now, he doesn’t have to shave every day, but he often does anyway. If he has a longer period of time between drills, he might grow out his beard.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

When this happens, I tend to get used to that look, but then, one day, he shaves the beard off, gets a haircut, and looks military-ready again. This can be quite emotional for me sometimes. When he shaves like that, it reminds me of his promise to the military, and what he is going to do. Most of the time this means just a weekend drill, but other times it means he is going to be gone for longer periods of time.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

Gillette has come out with a brand-new razor called that is designed for men with sensetive skin and who often get razor bumps when they shave. This is perfect for our men in uniform, who have to maintain that close shave day after day. Anyone who shaves on a regular basis knows how frustrating and painful it can be to come away with razor burn or other issues.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

This Gillette razor is perfect for my husband, and even my son who has started to shave too. Being able to shave every day without worrying about razor burn or razor bumps is a big plus, and really quite necessary for those in uniform who have to shave every single day.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

The razor’s unique SkinGuard bar is positioned between the blades to minimize “tug and pull,” to cut the hair at the skin level, helping to prevent irritation. The precision trimmer on the back is great for hard-to-reach areas and styling facial hair. It is like a barbershop shave in the comfort of your own home.

When They Shave, It’s Time For Duty

. For great results, you can also use the new PURE by Gillette shaving gel, or PURE by Gillette shaving creams which you can also find at Walmart.

Filed Under: Sponsored Post, Military Life Tagged With: military, Shaving, sponsored post

You Always Remember Your First Military Home

March 14, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

You Always Remember Your First Military Home

It’s been 18 years since I got on an airplane with my 18-month-old son, and really started our military journey. My husband had left for Germany 4.5 months before, and we were finally joining him.

And while I had technically been an Army Wife for the last 4.5 months, this trip would open the gate to my first experience in Army living. While I had grown up between two military bases, and I knew kids whose parents served, the military had never been my world.

And now the military was very much my world, and I was nervous.

How could I not be?

Not only were we becoming a military family, but we were doing it in a different country. I have never been to Europe before and didn’t know what to expect. Germany would be an experience.

After a full day of travel, my husband picked us up at the airport and took us to our first Army home. It was a 2 bedroom stairwell apartment, on the 3rd floor. We had Army rented furniture, with a lovely maroon pattern, and made that place a home.

We ended up living there for over two years before we moved to another duty station in Germany. That home will always have a special place in my heart. And that wasn’t because I loved that apartment.

You Always Remember Your First Military Home

The apartment was new, which was nice, and we had a washer and dryer in our bathroom, which not everyone had. But it was also on the smaller side, and when people visited, the space became way too crowded. As my 2nd son became a toddler, I had a difficult time with the idea that we had to live there.

My downstairs neighbors heard us every time we walked anywhere and with a toddler, that wasn’t fun at all. I tried to stay as quiet as possible, but toddlers.

When I was pregnant, and my husband was deployed, being on the 3rd floor made things a little tricky. Going up and down those stairs more than once a day was almost impossible. Then, when my baby came, that was an added challenge.

I had to get creative when I would come home and both of my boys would be asleep in the car. I couldn’t possibly carry both in my arms at the same time. Should I leave one in the car? Should I wake up the sleeping toddler?

Buying groceries was a challenge too so I would end up going a few times a week and just buying enough food to be able to carry in a couple of bags. That way, I didn’t have to take a full load up by myself. If only we had a grocery delivery service back then.

Our apartment was in the back of the building which meant we had a fabulous view of Germany, and I loved waking up to that. When the weather was bad, I could pretty much see the storm coming. That view was a lovely thing in the midst of a crazy time.

I got through our long 15-month deployment in this apartment. Through the days he was gone, the challenges that I dealt with, and the lonely nights.

I will never forget that place. I have heard the buildings have been torn down, so no matter what, I will never be able to see that place again. But our first military home will always be in my memories as the place I learned how to Military Spouse.

You Always Remember Your First Military Home

That home is where I lived when I met my first military spouse friends.

That home is where I wrote love letters to my husband to send to Iraq.

That home is where I learned how to stay as busy as possible, and where I realzied I was not alone in my military spouse ourney.

At the end of R&R, my husband leaned over and gave our 2.5-week-old a kiss goodbye in that apartment, not knowing he wouldn’t see him until he was almost a year old.

My husband met our son in that apartment, coming back from Iraq, three days after he was born.

As a new military spouse, I spent a full jet-lagged day, trying to figure out this new life that we had started, the day after we landed in Germany.

You Always Remember Your First Military Home

As military spouses, you will probably live in many different homes. I know some seasoned spouses who, at retirement, have lived in 20-30 different places. But, I think, no matter how many times you have moved, most people remember that first military home.

They remember what it was like to see the military movers arrive and bring all your household belongs in, praying they don’t break anything important.

They remember meeting their first military spouse neighbors and realizing how much they had in common.

They remember how it felt when they saw their spouse walking in the door in uniform, after a long day of work.

Going forward, they will probably always compare every other home with this one. They will probably think about how different that first home was from what they have now. And they might even miss the place, some more than others.

That first military home could bring up difficult memories, of times before things changed, of a former life. And for some, thinking of that home can bring up some hard to deal with emotions, and maybe just maybe they want to forget all about that place.

And for others, that home could have been the place where they discovered they were strong enough to get through anything, where they found themselves, and where they grew up and became the person they are today.

What about you? Do you remember your first military home? Do you ever miss it?

Filed Under: PCSing Tagged With: military, military housing, military spouse

How You Can Really Support A Veteran This Veterans Day

November 8, 2018 by Julie

How You Can Really Support A Veteran This Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day! A day to honor those who have served, whether they did so years before you were born, or doing so now. And every year, you might wonder the best way to honor the veterans in your life.

Maybe you are married to a veteran, maybe your dad or mom or a grandparent or someone else in your family has served. Maybe you just want to give back to the veteran and military community as a whole.

How You Can Really Support A Veteran This Veterans Day

Here are some things you can do to really support a veteran this Veterans Day:

Listen to their stories

Listening to the stories of our veterans is important. Whether they are talking about their time in Vietnam, or about their last tour of Iraq. Read books written by veterans about what they have been through and what they have learned through the years. Hear what they have to say, and carry their words with you.

Offer them a discount

If you have a business, offer them a discount. If you own a restaurant, offer them a free meal on veterans day if you are able to. Even a 10% discount is a nice way to thank them for serving. And let people know you do offer this discount.

How You Can Really Support A Veteran This Veterans Day

Vote with them in mind

No matter what side you are on, vote for veterans in mind. Think about the different policies that might support or hurt veterans. What will help them the most? Check and see if those who are running are veterans and what they have to offer your community.

Simply thank them

A simple thank you can go a long way. A thank you says that you notice them and that you care. And it won’t cost you anything to do so.

How You Can Really Support A Veteran This Veterans Day

Support veteran-owned businesses

Support veteran-owned businesses when you can. Many veterans might start a business after they get out of the military. Learn about local veteran-owned businesses in your community. Shop local veteran-owned businesses when you can and share about what they have to offer for others to see.

Donate to help veterans

If you can, donate to help veterans in your area. Even if you don’t have a ton to give, every little bit counts. Organizations like Disabled American Veterans (DAV,) Blue Star Families, The Gary Sinise Foundation, Hope for the Warriors, and Operation Homefront are great places to start.

Volunteer to help veterans

There are so many places you can volunteer to help veterans. Most organizations that help veterans could use volunteers whether it is helping them serve a meal, decorate for a holiday party, sort clothing, or even donate items in need. See what is available in your local community and don’t be afraid to step up and offer some help.

This veterans day, think of all of those who have served. Those who have done so through peacetime, as well as wartime. Those who did so before 9/11 and those who did so after. Those who have signed up for 20+ years, and those who only served for a couple.

Thank you to those who have served our country, we are forever grateful.  

What is your favorite way to support veterans? 

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military, Veterans, Veterans Day

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

 

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I first became a military spouse in 2005 when my husband of 3 years re-joined the Army. Then, in 2014, he joined the National Guard. In January of 2024, he retired from the National Guard after 21 years of service.

During our time in the military, we got to spend 4 years in Germany as well as Tennessee where we now call home.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you through my articles and social media posts.

 

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