Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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The Hallmark Channel’s “For Love & Honor” Movie Premiere Saturday, July 30th at 9/8c With Visa Card Giveaway

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This is a sponsored post! 

For Love & Honor

 

For Love & Honor

For Love & Honor

The Hallmark Channel’s new movie, For Love & Honor, premieres on Saturday, July 30th, 2016 9/8c.

When a by-the-book army veteran takes over as commandant at an ailing military academy, he instantly squares off with the school’s free-thinking new Dean of Academics. But when they are forced to work together to help save the school–or risk closure–sparks fly, romance blooms and lives change as they attempt to save the town’s longtime centerpiece. Stars James Denton, Natalie Brown,Sheppard Denton, and Rebecca Liddiard.

This looks like a great movie with a creative story! Make sure to tune in on Saturday night to watch. Please visit http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/for-love-and-honor for more information on this movie.

She Wasn’t What I Thought

After I graduated from college I struggled to find my first job. I had majored in Sociology and a lot of the jobs I wanted in that field didn’t pay enough, wanted you to speak Spanish or have a Master’s. I ended up at a temp agency and through them, I ended up as a Receptionist at a local business. When I first started, my boss, who was the Office Manager was pretty amazing. I found out she was just temporary and filling in for someone who was on maternity leave. After a few weeks, the regular Office Manager came back and everything changed.

The tone of the office changed, the way people acted changed and how I felt about my boss wasn’t too great. I wanted to like her but she was a bit harsh and I really didn’t know how to take her. I always struggle when I can’t seem to figure people out and that was how I felt about her. Time went by and over the weeks and then months that I worked with her, I started to see another side.

She was a first-time mom trying to balance work and family life. She wanted to do good in her job but she was frustrated by the information she was getting from her own boss. Over time I realized that she really was just doing the best she could. I started to feel better about working with her and we even shared some fun times. I worked at that company for about 15 months and when I left, I realized I would miss her. I would miss her rushing around the office, telling me what needed to get done and just being with her every day.

As I look back on that time in my life I wonder how she is doing now. I wonder how long she worked for that company and if she moved up or decided to work somewhere else. I will always admire her for the work she did and how hard she tried.

Have you ever had an experience where you had to work with someone that you were not fond of and then grew to like them in the end?

I am also going to be having a giveaway!

One of my readers will win:

(1)$25 Visa Gift Card

(1) Hallmark Channel Summer at the Shores Beach Tote

(1) Hallmark Channel Chesapeake Shores Towel

Just enter the giveaway below 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please join in on the conversation on Twitter by using the hashtags, #ForLoveandHonor and #SummerNights!

When They Are Deployed During Your Baby’s 1st Year

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I never thought much about being a solo parent before my husband joined the military. I always assumed that when we would have kids, he would be there. He would be there for the pregnancy, the first year, the terrible twos and everything else.

However, that isn’t what happened. He was deployed when my 2nd son was born and didn’t come home from that deployment until he was almost a year old.

Because of that long deployment, my husband missed the 1st year of my son’s life. He missed him starting to roll over and become mobile. He missed him crawling and saying his first words. He missed starting solid food and learning to stand.

He missed so much because the 1st year of your baby’s life is filled with a lot of firsts. That year is such a special one and my husband experienced everything through photos and minimal videos.

The truth is, deployments happen whether you have babies or not. As a military spouse, you have to accept this and make the best of everything. The challenge comes with wanting them to be home and wanting to cherish your baby’s first year.

This isn’t easy and it can be difficult to find the balance between the two. How can you fully embrace your current life when a big part of that is missing, overseas in a war zone?

How do you not rush through all of your baby’s 1st? How do you make the best of things when their dad is away?

1) Document everything- Take photos, videos and a lot of notes. Send them weekly. Your baby is going to change a lot week by week. Your spouse will want to see them grow.

You could make a scrapbook or simply send the photos. You could also just post them online if your spouse can see them. I know my husband loved seeing all the photos I sent during the deployments. Don’t forget to send photos with you in them too. Your spouse would love to see those as well.

2) Journal- Journaling is the best thing to do during a deployment. You want to have a place to go to get out everything you are feeling. About your mood, about your day and what you are dealing with on a regular basis.

In your journal, you can include information about your baby. You can always read this part to your spouse after they come home or include some of it in a letter to him. Journaling will help you get your feelings out and that is a big part of going through a deployment.

3) Keep Perspective- Keeping perspective is the hardest thing to do when you are going through a difficult time. Yes, you miss your spouse and it totally sucks that they are gone and missing your baby’s first year.

However, you get to be with your baby. You get to see everything. You get to be apart of it all and you get to be the one to help your spouse experience some of what they are missing back home.

Remember, deployments won’t last forever and most people do not have to experience such a long deployment like I had to. Yes, your husband is missing a lot right now but he will be home and be able to make memories with you and your children again soon. Remember that.

4) Stay Busy- I know staying busy is the most common advice you can get about surviving a deployment but it’s so true. The busier you are, the more time will fly. Just keep busy doing fun activities that your children enjoy.

If you have older children, make plans for them and bring your baby along. If the baby is your only child, make plans to go to playdates and walks to get out of the house. Find other mom friends and try to work on yourself as you can. Staying busy with your baby will help you enjoy that first year but also allow time to pass so your spouse will be home with you again.

Missing a lot of their child’s first year is hard for service members. It can also be hard on the parent who is at home. Wanting to enjoy that first year fully but also wanting the year to go by so they can get back to regular family life. This isn’t easy and one of those things military spouses have to deal with during their years as a military family.

Has your own spouse been away for your baby’s first year? How did you deal with it?

What You Should Never Say To A Military Spouse

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What You Should Never Say To A Military Spouse

I love the military spouse community. In my local area and online. I love all the supportive people I have met over the years. I love how we can help each other out. The truth is, a lot of us can feel lost in the sea of separations, losing friends and the hardships that military life can bring.

We don’t always have good days and sometimes we really just need someone to listen and help us get through the struggle.

What You Should Never Say To A Military Spouse

 

Some spouses are quite lonely and can’t imagine how we are going to get through the next few months.

Some spouses struggle with depression and anxiety. To be alone in the house is terrifying. Yet, they married a soldier. Someone who will deploy. Someone who will not always be home.

Some spouses are homesick and miss having a group of friends. They are having a hard time finding a new friend group. And yet, here they are, on the eve of a deployment, unsure about how they are going to get through the 9 months he will be away.

Some spouses lost a parent or a child and are finding life more difficult than usual.

Some spouses are just sad about how things are going and what’s ahead for them. Military life can be scary.

Some spouses have been through several deployments already and they are tired and want a break. One that will not come because of trainings and more deployments in the future.

Some spouses are struggling with their marriages and can’t figure out how to get things to a better place.

Some spouses are having a hard time with their children. Children who are missing their father so much they act out and those with special needs that are missing the support that the other parent in the home brings.

These spouses need support. They need love. They need kind suggestions. They do not need harsh words. They do not need to feel less than or that something is wrong with them for missing their husband a little too much. They do not need to feel like bad moms because they don’t feel like they are getting this solo parenting thing down.

Over the years I have heard phrases that make me cringe. Comments from other military spouses that should not be said. Comments that sting and create a divide in the military world.

So as a community, this is what you should never say to a military spouse!

“Well, you knew what you signed up for.” Actually, no one knows this. Each military career is different depending on different factors. Each spouse handles things in different ways. You never know what you are signing up for.

“Why are you complaining? At least your deployment is only 9 months instead of 12.” Oh, the deployment comparison game we like to play. It’s easy to do. Your friend is upset about a shorter deployment and you wish your spouse could only be gone for that amount of time. I get that. But we simply don’t have to say anything to that friend. We don’t. Telling someone that they should be happy their spouse is only gone for X amount of time is not helpful.

“I wish my husband would deploy.” Sigh…yes, we get it. Some people do want their spouse to deploy. I do believe that is valid. But it should probably not be said to a spouse whose husband does deploy a lot or is going through a deployment. To a spouse who would give anything for her husband to not deploy.

“Dependa anything” Do I need to say more? Is this even a word? Who even started using it? Please just stop with this term. It’s insulting.

We need to remember that not everyone is going to handle military life the same way. We are all going through something, whether we admit what that is to people or not. We all have a story to tell. What is easy for one person is going to be more difficult for others.

As a military community, we need to come together and help support the struggling military spouse.

Help them get through her current struggle. Let her know we are there for her and we get it. Because like it or not, we are in this together. We are the people who stand behind those who serve our great country. We are the ones they miss and the ones they come home to. We can be supportive and we can be the help someone needs to get through everything military life throws at her.

Have you ever seen We Were Soldiers? The DVD has a deleted scene that I have always loved. The deleted scene is all the wives in the church while their husbands are fighting in Vietnam. What I love about this scene is it is the perfect example of spouses being there for each other. One of the wives was to sing a song in front of the church and just couldn’t do it. What did the other spouses do? They started singing with her. I love this because this act is a small example of military spouses being there for one another, the way that we should be.

How can you support other military spouses?

 

15 Years of War by Kristine Schellhaas

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15 years of war

I just finished the book, 15 Years of War: How the Longest War in U.S. History Affected a Military Family in Love, Loss, and the Cost Of Service by Kristine Schellhaas.

This book wasn’t just good, it was truly amazing! The story of a couple going through the last 15 years of war. I think each military spouse has a story to tell about her time during deployments and dealing with military life in general. This is Kristine’s story and one that I am so glad she shared with the world.

Kristine and her husband Ross met in 1996. He is in the US Marine Corps. The couple married in 2002 and started their married lives in Southern California.

The book takes you through so much of their lives during the last 15 years. From Ross’ training to setting up in a new place and learning what it means to be a military spouse. From moving to San Diego to Georgia to Twenty-Nine Palms to Camp Pendleton to Virgina and back again.

Ross was deployed several times throughout the years and I am so thankful his stories were a part of the book. My husband was in Iraq and Afghanistan too and although they had different jobs and were in different branches and roles, hearing what he went through helped me understand more about what my own husband went through during those years.

The book brings us through Kristine’s pregnancies, the births of her children and the loss of her son. Something that is so hard for so many of us to understand. This book was so real. Kristine and Ross were able to share with us their thoughts and feelings about everything that happened to them.


One aspect of the book that I really enjoyed was that they included their emails to one another. Some of them were fun and had a joking tone, others were more serious. This is so much what it is like to have a deployed spouse. You pour out your heart in an email and then get frustrated that it was an email and not over dinner.

The book goes back and forth between Ross and Kristine giving us the perspective of both. Sometimes they would both talk about the same situation and the same event but from their own point of view.

This book is beyond amazing. For anyone who has been through deployments, you will relate to so much in this book. For anyone that has gone through extra difficult situations in military life, you will relate to this book. For the general public that are not associated with the military, you should read this book too. It will give you a picture of what it is like for military families in the last 15 years of war.

 

  • I was given a free copy of this book for review. 

Living in Key West, Florida

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Happy to have this guest post by Mindy on Key West, Florida. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed. 

Living in Key West, Florida

Key West, FL. Home of NAS Key West, Coast Guard Sector and JIATF South. You will find every branch of the military here and a diverse group of locals. Living in Key West can be amazing and difficult at the same time. Being here is an adventure, from the gloriously blue waters to the fun animals you will find.

The difficult part will be the expense you will incur. It is not cheap to live here. Most cost effective will be to reside on the installation. Although it will take a majority of you BAH, it is a lot more house than you will be able to afford in the civilian world. Here is a picture of the duplexes you will most likely be living in, unless you are off post or officer. While these seem lovely, they are still over 70 years old and are just now being renovated, but not completely.

Living in Key West, Florida

For those of you used to large bases, you will not find that here. The island is only 4×2 and consists of a couple of smaller islands that hold the bases.

I can say many things about Key West, since I was born and raised there. I spent approx. 26 years on the island so my knowledge can come in handy. Utilize the base commissary as much as possible except for produce get that at Publix.  Our commissary is quite small, most normal bases would call it a mini mart compared to theirs. I have tons of bad and good things to say about the base. Instead I would like to show you the amazing things that can be done on the island.

The adventure awaits…

First, Key West Chickens DO cross the road, Why? Just because they are everywhere.

Living in Key West, Florida

Dolphin Research Center has so much amazing fun and you can even meet the descendants of the REAL FLIPPER, You can even have one of them pain you a masterpiece.

Living in Key West, Florida

 

Living in Key West, Florida

The ocean life is a miracle. Meet the amazing pod of Manatee that lived behind my house.

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Living in Key West, Florida

Fury Water Adventures has everything from WaveRunners, Parasailing to snorkeling the only living coral reef in the United States

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Key West, Florida

Sunrise from my back yard is something that shouldn’t be missed

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And the sunsets are phenomenal.

So at the end of the day, I cannot bash Key West as much as I want to because the experience is amazing. It will test your relationship, your wallet and your sense of time. But in the end, Key West has memories that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I may never go back there or choose it as my own duty station, however, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Mindy Brewster is the spouse of a Ret Navy Seabee and mother to two beautiful daughters. She is the Brand Ambassador for Military Spouse Magazine and works with military spouses all over the globe find resources they need through her Dear Mindy column. You can reach her at DearMindyMSM@gmail.com

I Am Not A Perfect Military Spouse

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There she is. She is always dressed so nicely. No yoga pants for this lady. She always brings the best food to every potluck. She is always there to help and always there with a smile. She never looks stressed and she never has to worry about her kids acting up. She is her husband’s #1 fan and no matter what happens in military life, she answers with a smile. A deployment? No problem. A move in the middle of the school year? She has got this. She never complains and rarely sheds a tear. She was made for this life. This perfect military spouse.

I Am Not A Perfect Military Spouse

Is she the person we are supposed to look up to? She is the one we should all be like, right? I am going to say NO! The idea of a perfect military spouse is frustrating. She might not even exist because even if someone appears that way, we don’t know what struggles they are probably going through at home. No, I am not a perfect military spouse and I don’t want to be one. I am me and I bring what I can to this lifestyle.

Deployments

I support my husband’s career but I hate deployments. I could never understand why my husband had to keep deploying. Even though I knew that was such a part of this life. I just wanted my husband home with us, was that too much to ask?

Potluck Foods

If there is a potluck I might make something but usually I am running to the store to pick up something easy. It really just depends  and I don’t want to be a flake but that is just the way these things go. I would love to be able to find something good on Pinterest and make an amazing dish but I always seem to fall short on that.

Volunteering

I want to be a good spouse and volunteer but my issue is my schedule and my kids. What can I do that wouldn’t be too stressful and would allow me to bring my kids? What can I add to my schedule? What can I do to give back that works for my family? The whole thing is very overwhelming for me. I have been able to find ways to volunteer within organizations like PWOC and MOPS which is great. I just wish I could do a bit more but maybe that will have to wait until a less crazy busy time in my life.

Clean House

I try to keep my house clean but the socks and the stickers and the dishes. Oh, my! With three boys, staying on top of things can be so difficult, even with them helping with some of the chores. I keep having to figure out new cleaning schedules and ways of getting everything done. I am beginning to think that some people were meant for spotless homes and others were not.

My Husband’s Job

When my husband has been deployed, I don’t want to know what he is doing until he is back home and the deployment is over. I can handle hearing about his dangerous job a little more when what he has done is in the past. People would ask me what he was doing over there and I really didn’t know more than just a general idea of his job. And that’s okay. Some spouses don’t know anything about what their husbands do because of security reasons. That’s okay too.

I Did The Best I Could

Over the years, I can honestly say I have done the best I could do. Solo parenting has been the hardest part. I cringe when I hear people say they never had a hard time as a military spouse or that we have no right to complain because we picked this life. Yes, we picked this life but when doing so we really had no idea what it was going to be like. And each member of the military can have such different experiences during their military careers. No one knows what military life will really be like going in.

So…whether you are new to being a military spouse or have been one for many years, never feel like you have to be the perfect military spouse. Be who you are and know that you have your own strengths.

You might not make a good potluck meal but you know how to fix your husband’s favorite food the day before he deploys. You might not have a super clean house but your house is always warm and comfortable to hang out at. Your kids might fight more than they should but they know they are loved and get to experience a lot of great things during their time as military children.

There is a lot that every military spouse can offer and that is a big asset to the military.

Have you struggled with trying to be the perfect military spouse? Can you let that go?

You Sent Them To War, Don’t Cut Our Benefits

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Military cuts are in the news these days and they sting when they hit close to home. Sometimes I get really angry about it. From my limited understanding and after being a military spouse for the last ten years it seems like there are other places they could cut. I wonder why they even go after programs that can help military families? We are the ones that are supporting our service member. We are the ones waiting back at home while they complete their mission. If you send them to war, why do you think it is okay to cut our benefits?

You Sent Them To War, Don't Cut Our Benefits

 

If it was up to me I would ensure that every military family has what they need. When it comes to the people I want to vote for, I look for those that want these things too. They are important to me as a military spouse and I think they are important to you too.

Good Medical Care

I know how hard it can be to find good and affordable health insurance but one of the benefits of being in the Military is that you do get healthcare for you and your family and for good reason. If you are off in a war zone, you want to know your family is going to be taken care of. The problem is, cuts always seem to come to Tricare and they hurt. Currently, they want to cut ABA. Not good. We used ABA for our son and we were so thankful for that care. I hate that people think they should be cutting those services. It’s also frustrating to hear when people have trouble getting help for their kids or care for themselves because of different cuts that have been happening. Military families should not have to worry about healthcare.

Good Schools

All military children should have access to good schools. Whether this means on post or off post. If the schools in the area around post are not a good place to send a child, there should be a way for parents to take their children to the on post schools.  I think parents should feel good about the schools their kids are able to go to. On post schools should be very aware of who their students are. Switching zoning around every year is simply not a good idea. Military kids move often anyway, why make them change schools in between a tour? I have heard stories of situations happening in on post schools and it doesn’t make a lot of sense why they are doing what they do. Our experience with off post schools has been good overall here but that isn’t always the case with military families. Having a lot of resources that can help military families find the right school is a good thing.

Good Support

Hearing that services like the MWR or ACS are being cut makes me sad. Military spouses and families need extra support, especially during deployments. We need access to events to pass the time, places to learn and childcare. That can help the spouse get through a challenging time as well as providing a place to make new friends.  While there are other ways to make friends and find support in the military community, it is a good thing to have these services for spouses and I hate to see them being cut because of lack of funds. This makes me think that those who are in charge of what is being cut have no idea what these services can do for military spouses.

Good Housing

All military families should be able to live in safe and affordable housing. It doesn’t have to be brand new or really big, it just needs to be safe and a good place for people to raise their families. Each family usually has a choice about if they want to live on post or off post. This is something to really think about. There are positives and negatives to both. The military does have some checks for finding places off post. Some rentals are blacklisted which is helpful for knowing who to stay away from when looking for a place to rent. There have been horror stories of on post living where people have gotten sick or have been put in run down housing that has not been taken care of. This is not okay. Military families should always have a comfortable place to live.

Military families

When I think of what our family has gone through and what other families have gone through I know that this military life is full of stressful situations. I know that sending someone to war is a challenging and emotional thing to have to do and that benefits make such a big difference to the morale of the families. I just hope that if the military does need to make cuts it will not be at the expense of the military family.