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Why Military Spouses Can’t Just Put Down Their Smart Phone

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Military spouses and smart phones

Why Military Spouses Can’t Just Put Down Their Smart Phone

If you are on social media at all you know that there are quite a few articles going around about being on our cell phones too much. How we need to put them down, hide them, ignore them. While there is some good advice there, my first thought is usually something like, “Well, try being a Military spouse.”

Between having kids in school, having a husband who is gone a lot and making money online using my phone to do so, I will not be putting my phone down anytime soon. My phone is my lifeline and I really haven’t always had it. I didn’t even get a smart phone until 2011.

There are many reasons why people say we shouldn’t always have a phone in our hands, but Military spouses, NEED to have a phone in their hands.

Why? Because…

Our spouses live in our phone.

When your husband is gone and you only get to talk to them on the phone or over video chat, they live in your phone. That is your relationship. You are not going to be able to walk away from your phone for long. If you do, what happens if they call? You will miss the call. That is a hard thing to deal with. When we were in Germany, I only heard from my husband on the landline. That meant that I could not get his calls when I was out. It would kill me to come home to a message knowing I missed his call. For later deployments I didn’t have to worry about that. It was SO nice to know I wouldn’t miss his call just because we were out doing something. So no, I am not going to put my phone down so I miss his call.

Our friends live in our phone.

Military spouse friends move away. Then they live in our phones, they live on Facebook and that is where our relationship is. I have a handful of friends I will text or message throughout the day. It keeps us connected and makes it seem like they are not quite as far away. When you are having a bad deployment day, it can be helpful to pick up your phone and text a friend or check out their photos on Facebook. It makes you feel better and can keep your mind off of missing your husband.

Our family lives in our phone.

Only a small amount of Military families live close to their own family. Most of us live far enough away that the phone is the way we communicate with them. I will text or message my own family several times during the week. It is a great way to keep in touch and not lose contact with one another. Sometimes my family will Facetime me and it is fun to do that with them.

I hate phone shaming in general.

Yes it is possible to be on your phone too much, to ignore people while you are on it and to get sucked into the online world, but overall, a smart phone adds to your life.

So, Military spouse, don’t feel badly if you always have your phone on you. You need it. You rely on it. It is a tool you are using to make your life a little easier. No one should shame you for it. If they are, they just don’t get it so don’t let them bother you.

 

 

 

 

The Veteran’s Wife

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veterans day

“This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.”

—Elmer Davis

 

I became a Veteran’s wife the day I got married, although it didn’t mean as much back then. My husband was not Active Duty at that time and the Army was a part of his past. Still, it was in the back of my head.

Fast forward three years later and I became an Army wife as my husband re-enlisted and he started the 2nd part of his Army career. These days, he is a member of the Tennessee National Guard. He is a Veteran and that makes me a Veteran’s wife.

Veterans Day is always so emotional for me. Not just because of who I am married to but also because of all the other Veterans and their spouses who have come before us. All the men and women who have served and those who stood beside them. Veterans Day is a day to remember them and to thank those that are still with us.

The Veteran’s wife is not a new role. As long as there have been people who are willing to sign up to join the Military, there have always been spouses who have stood beside them. They stood by as their husbands or wives went off to war.

Whether that meant fighting against another American in the Civil War, going to Europe during the World Wars, staying behind as they headed to Korea or Vietnam or the “modern” Veteran’s wife who watched their spouse join up during a time of war and knowing they would most likely be headed over to Iraq and Afghanistan fighting a war that might never really end.

Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause.”

– Abraham Lincoln

We are strong, we have to be. We have to be there for our spouse. Stand behind them and be their rock. Through peacetime and wartime. Through a pcs or a goodbye for a two-week training. Some have had to say goodbye and were not able to say hello again. Their spouse did not return. Some have stood by when they did return but as a different person.

Some have had to walk away from their marriage, some have stayed.

Some have stood by for 20+ years of Active duty life, others only needed to fill that role for a few years before their spouse moved on to a different career.

“It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the organizer, who gave us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.”

–Charles M. Province

Military Spouses are strong not because we are made of something else. We are strong because we have to be. Because history wanted us to fill this role and we decided we could do it.

Being a Veteran’s wife can mean a lot of different things. It always means that there is a story behind your spouse’s career and time in the Military. We don’t know all of it. We only know what they tell us but we do know there is so much more they could never share.

As a Veteran’s wife, I belong to a community of people who are doing what I have done. Whether it was in the 1940s and all they got from their soldier was a letter in the mail to those who can Skype every day. We might all have had different types of experiences but one thing is clear, we are the spouses of those who have signed up to serve their country. We are the ones left behind and the ones they come home to. We are apart of history and we will always be there to help those who come after us.

“The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.”

– Jeff Miller

What To Look For In A Military Spouse Best Friend

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What To Look For In A Military Spouse Best Friend

I have been a Military spouse for just about ten years now. During those ten years, I have made many friends. And a couple of best friends. These ladies are very special to me, even now when we don’t live near each other anymore. In the Military world friends always move away, even your best friends and there is nothing you can do about that.

I have been through deployments with a Military spouse best friend and I have been through deployments without one and it changes things. Having your own BFF to get through the deployment with will make it easier. You can depend on each other, vent with each other and tell each other that it is going to be okay. The hard part is finding someone to do this with. It doesn’t always happen and when you are moving a lot as you do as a Military spouse, you are always having to look for new friends.

What To Look For In A Military Spouse Best Friend

 

I know for me, finding friends is the easy part. Finding best friends is not. It takes a lot of work and yet you can’t force it. Best friends just happen sometimes and even if you really like someone else, they might not be the person to fit that role.

So what qualities make up a Military best friend? How do you know they are the one to fit that part of your life?

As a Military spouse and mom of three boys, this is what I think you should look for in finding a Military spouse best friend.

  • That you click. As I look back over my closest friendships, they all have one thing in common. We clicked. Almost right away in most cases. As soon as we started hanging out, it just worked and we knew it. I know sometimes you can be friends with someone for a long time and then get closer to them but I bet if you looked back at when you first met you can see that you did click right away, even if it took a while to get there.
  • That you can vent to them. If you have ever been through a deployment you know that some days you just have to vent. If you can’t do that with someone, it is going to be hard for them to be your buddy during the deployment. You need someone who you can vent to and that isn’t going to come back with a “suck it up and don’t talk to me about that anymore” type of attitude.
  • That you can depend on them. I have a very hard time asking for help, even when I need it. However, sometimes things happen and I have to call someone to help me. It is always nice to have that person you can call to help you out and not have it become an awkward situation. Whether it is because your child needs to go to the ER, your car breaks down or you need emergency babysitting help. It is nice to have someone to call and to be available for them if they need you in that way too.

Making friends is something all Military spouses have to do. Making best friends is the most important thing, especially when your spouse is away and your own family lives across the country or even the ocean.

What do you look for in a Military spouse best friend???

The 3 Social Media Sites That Bloggers Should Be Using

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The 3 Social Media Sites That Bloggers Should Be Using

The 3 Social Media Sites That Bloggers Should Be Using

When you start a new blog it is important to also set up social media accounts to go with it. I actually did this differently. I had a Twitter account before I had my blog. It came soon after but still. I decided to join Twitter on a whim back in 2009. I am not even sure why. I started connecting with others, mostly photographers. It was fun to share my work there and see what others were doing.

Once I started my blog I ended up finding other Military Spouses on Twitter and connecting with them. I also started a Facebook page for my blog and a few years later a Pinterest account.

There are a lot of social networks you can join but there are 3 sites that bloggers need to make sure they are on and using on a regular basis 🙂

Twitter- Twitter is a great place to connect with others and share your blog posts. I also like to find other blog posts to read on there as well. It moves very fast and has the biggest learn curve but it is worth checking out. I don’t just tweet about my blog. I tweet about pretty much anything that comes to mind. I use lists to keep up with the people I follow and I also set it up to share my blog posts on there throughout the day.

Facebook- Starting a Facebook page for your blog is pretty easy. You can just use your blog’s name and get it going. Start off sharing the page with your friends and family members. Then their friends will see it and you will start to get likes. You should then talk about your new page on your blog as well as other social media sites. You can join Facebook groups to help get you likes. The Milspouse Blogger’s group I am in is great for this. Growing your Facebook page can be difficult. I still haven’t totally figured it out but there is a lot of advice out there on what to do. I really like Hollie Homer’s videos about how to grow your Facebook page and different tips and tricks to use.

Pinterest- If you are not on Pinterest yet you should get on over there, especially if you have a blog. It can be a great way to generate traffic but it is also a great way to share other’s work as well as find new ideas. I try to always have a photo in my posts that could easily be pinned. Then I make sure to pin it myself to get it started. My hope is that others will repin it either from Pinterest or from my site directly. I started off with a personal account on Pinterst but switched to Business once they started offering that. Changing over is easy to do and you should do it if you are using Pinterest with your blog.

I also really like Instagram and although I am following a lot of people I have met through blogging, I don’t use it as much for my blog. Some people do and have great success with that. I find that because I can’t post a link when I post a photo that it is hard to connect the two. I enjoy sharing photos I have taken, quotes I enjoyed or anything like that. I didn’t include Instagram in my list because I think you can get by without it as a blogger but it can add to your social media experiences when it comes to blogging.

What about you? What are your favorite social media sites to use with your blogging?

The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

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The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

I do a lot of reflecting sometimes. I have always kept a journal and I like to think about where we have been as a couple and a family and where we are going. We have had to make a lot of choices over the years. When to have kids. To move across the country. To join the Military. To buy a house. To stay in Tennessee. To join the National Guard.

Sometimes it is way too easy to look back and think we shouldn’t have made certain choices.  However, I don’t like to look at my life like that. Is it possible we mad bad choices in the past? Yes. Does that mean the rest of our lives are messed up? No.

One of the biggest life changing choices we made was for my husband to re-enlist in the Military at age 30. It was something that we talked about for months beforehand. It was hard to go ahead with it at first. We were not sure what it meant or what it would be like.

As I think back over the last 10 years as a Military spouse, I think in the end there have been many blessings in our marriage because of it. Don’t get me wrong. Would I have prefered to have a husband who had never left us? Perhaps, but that wasn’t how life has been for us. For the last 10 years we have said goodbye to each other too many times to count. I have been in solo parenting land off and on and that gets to me. I never thought I would be parenting alone so much of the time.

But at the end of the day, there are blessings in a Military marriage.

We know what it is like to miss our husbands. Can you imagine never missing your husband? I can’t. I am not sure what that would be like? After so much time in this lifestyle, I can’t even wrap my mind around it.  I think missing someone can grow the relationship in a way nothing else can. It can also be a factor in how your relationship is doing. If your spouse is gone and you don’t miss them at all, what does that say? It tells you something isn’t quite right. It tells you that there is probably a reason for it and you and your spouse need to figure it out.

Homecomings can be the highlight of our Military experience. The feeling you get when you see your spouse again is hard to explain unless you have been through it. Knowing that the months of waiting and worrying has come to a close and knowing you will finally be back in each others arms can be the spark that your marriage needs.

Watching your spouse in their uniform can be inspiring. You know they are doing something good in the world and you are there to support them through it. It can be exciting to know that you and your spouse are apart of history, working to make the world a better place. There is just something about feeling that way that can help your marriage thrive.

I remember during one of our R&Rs my husband told us that through these deployments we will become that much stronger. I think this is the case for us but I know the reality that it isn’t always the case. I think deployments either make you stronger as a couple or can cause you to break.

If you are new to the military life and are worried a bit about your marriage, keep in mind that there are blessings of a Military marriage. As hard as the lifestyle might be, they are there if you look for them.

How do you feel that the Military has blessed your marriage?

 

Dealing With Jealousy When You Are A Military Spouse

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Dealing With Jealousy When You Are A Military Spouse

During my time as a military spouse, I have experienced a variety of emotions. Happiness during homecoming. Sadness during a deployment. Getting excited about a new duty station or promotion. Loneliness when a friend moves away. There are a lot of different emotions we feel during the time that our spouse is serving in the Military. One emotion that we can feel, even if we don’t want to, is jealousy.

Dealing With Jealousy When You Are A Military Spouse

This can happen when you least expect it. Jealousy can happen over a deployment schedule, a promotion, a pcs or just life in general. You can be happy for someone and still feel that green-eyed monster creep up. It can be hard when you are waiting for something to happen, and it happens to someone else first.

I have felt this way over the years. I feel bad when I do. I have felt this way when I felt like my husband was always deploying and others were not. I have felt this way when waiting for my husband to get a promotion. I have felt this way when someone else seemed to be holding it together better than I was. I have felt this way over little silly things that I would never want to share with anyone.

Jealousy happens, but it is what we do with it that matters.

One big lesson I have learned over the last ten years is that the Military isn’t fair. Some people deploy more than others. Promotions don’t always happen even if it feels like they should and some people get better duty stations then others. Sometimes you are going to be surrounded by good friends and other times you will be the lonely one still trying to make new friends since you old friends moved away. It is one big cycle.

Some years are going to be better than others. That is the nature of Military life.

If you are feeling jealous of someone else, know that it can happen, especially in Military spouse life when we know so much about what other people are doing. When our community is so small. Maybe your husband just left again, and theirs just got home, and that is causing you to feel jealous. Think about the times when you were experiencing what they were. Think about how you will be in their place in the future. Try not to let it get to you and remember that by the time you are getting ready for homecoming, they could be getting ready to send their spouse off again.

Think about everything you have and how lucky you are. Remember that even if it feels like everyone else has more than you do, others have less. There is always someone going through something worse.

Try not to let jealousy rule you. Focus on what is going well in your life and work on what you don’t like. Let go of anything you don’t have control over. It simply isn’t worth your energy if you can’t do anything about it anyway.

Do you ever struggle with jealousy? What do you do about it when the green-eyed monster hits?

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